I arrived at Allerton Hall unannounced, dressed in the definitive style of a landed Gentleman while riding in a tolerably chic carriage pulled by a matched twosome of Greys, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's pantryman rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then take aim me pray, '' I requested, in as haughty mode as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the gentlewoman Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and forth we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain possession of my ridiculously marvelous hat..

'' I could get a appreciation for this John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that moment we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` better than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as remunerative, '' I laughed, `` And not as safe with your driving, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed position and also changed coats and hat and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething batch of humanity confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a bike there should have been mass murder for we should never make stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a suspension in Bodmin in August, for a great wooden level had been set up against the Red Panthera leo alehouse across from St Agnes church building the whole market square was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving dame was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her gown or shift ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waistline and her dissemble leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to stave off his coke by turning away he struck her shapely exposed bosom and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hired man were manacled and uselessly chained together and the chain tied to a high beam high above her head which served to have her so she could do nothing but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist branding iron from which a trail of parentage seeped already.

The bunch were transfixed and so fixed in their attending that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a world drubbing was the height of their season, and all class were present, merchant and peasants, workers and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the role, the Lord Graham, his son, by his position and the lady Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine of Aragon.

'' We 'll tether the horses and take the air back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the posture through a T turn and tethered the team outside the dragon Inn.

The maid was nothing but a limp and bloodied kettle of fish when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin subsidization the Judge of the Trentham assizes was mounting the dance step to the stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to implement the law in its full force, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three month hence you shall tack together again to witness the penalisation I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` note of hand well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the wench transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen penalty ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmur, `` Have you seen that I judge concession am a man of my word and all are equal in my tribunal, that the lowest maiden and eminent lady can expect equality of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a grumble of approval. `` That the madam Catherine the Great received no preference when she abused her confidence and slip a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a servant five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a maul pounding, the serving skirt was the madam Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six calendar month has she toiled in the fields and six more shall she dig, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she confess as you all heard, but she will not admit her guilt feelings, will not confess, will not apologise and without contrition there can be no leniency, no easy life as a star sign servant so shall she continue as the last-place farm girl until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her father to disown, I suggest she may feature found the Antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` Thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The fille you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and eyes, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a stealer, I could scarce trust it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, foul bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her hair was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally ruddy and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the ropes were cut and she fell and sprawled in the turd so her shift fell away revealing an iron chastity belt.

A great laughter arose and jarred Catherine from her daze immobility and she grabbed her torn smock around her, desperate to preserve the modesty that in accuracy was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her tears had run dry until just the snap cartroad remained in the crud of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an smoothing iron collar around her cervix and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a dung pushcart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine II, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a retard and afflictive procedure, but by and by we made forward motion until at duration the yokel riding the go-cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine of Aragon aboard so the Ox could go at its best gait which in all honesty was no advantageously than when Catherine II had been staggering behind.

Its destination was his lordship pig farm, set away from the main house and farm because of the smell it was a low stone built building with a stone tile ceiling on timbers, and there in the mud and obscenity lived his Lordship 's pigs, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine II chained as she was to an iron in the wall which I noted his lordship agent fastened her range of mountains with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your interest group here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most singular as to why the Lady Catherine is so treated. ``

'' She 's no madam ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the remainder, '' he said and he tore away the last of her clothes leaving her naked, `` She 'll get wad of swill come good morning and she can enjoy a aliveness of ease, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is common soldier land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, practiced day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` Drop me at my father 's and strike the carriage. ''

I directed him the way to my forefather modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadow and ley my father pretended to the world that he owned, yet sadly such was not the pillow slip, indeed there was a clock time in my juvenility when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` lavatory, '' he said, `` You are the older son of a second son, you have a thoroughly figure but no fortune, so my son it is for you to produce your own fortune, shall you fall in the Militia, the Admiralty, the church service ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No Fatherhood, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in search of hoarded wealth. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And marry a princess ? ``

'' No the Lady Catherine. '' I said proudly, though in truth at that fourth dimension I had barely central two XII words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my breeding and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to ground innocence of the valued metals with an eye to seeking gold prospecting and so by academic degree my education progressed until with a loanword from Father that he could ill afford I bought handing over to Mexico.

I had a final stage summer at household, a brief spell of terpsichore and fetes, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not entertainment but a rich suer to woo her, but for the spell my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a fortune in the New World and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not intend to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with store or not at all that is my intent. ``

'' Then do not distract Catherine of Aragon, you amuse her, but she has but a short-circuit season, you do sympathize ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the capital of the United Kingdom season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not worry her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for United Mexican States but sea illness afflicted me and it was a peachy relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repair, and once ashore aught would hasten me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

olibanum it was with modest disinterest that father watched Barrington labour the pram up to our planetary house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to regard its fade when I had unloaded my own luggage as sign that it was as a mere rider in a hire conveyancing rather than the man of message as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to recognise me, `` Saint John the Apostle where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your luck ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a hazard of a thousand Syrian pound and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my travelling bag from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the U.S.A. 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought handing over to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under maitre d'hotel Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the open Ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea malady, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repair cipher would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not tell you that as the old son of a secondly son, you have a serious name but no fortune, and to create your own fortune by joining the militia, the Admiralty, the church building ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and travel the human beings in hunt of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a cracking ignominy you found none such. '' he added.

'' well Fatherhood I worked the Wheal Claire mine, Captain Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver medal. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead seams and gave charge, just above the pee he said, and there it was a thin furrow and I started on my own with a mass axe and a sheaf of wax light, and I recognised the silver carriage ore and demolish my own tilt by candle light, and made my own battery-acid using my breeding to the full and dissolved the ash grey from the crushed rock 'n' roll and couch my own silver ingots, but the nervure was not extensive, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock 'n' roll and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proffer to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a grin, '' I explained, `` He named a cost and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that ash gray seam clean as deep as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro bit by objet d'art moulded and cast into ingot and had it 's purity confirmed and marked to prove it was indeed Ag and as an parenthesis we made ringing and trinkets by selective casting and we travelled the jeweller selling trinkets hoop and pieces of silver and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed dowery of it to selected men of wealth saying there was paring there and machinery was needed to mine the vein any far and I sold plowshare until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't cite I sent my first anchor ring to Lady Catherine, I had its pureness checked and hallmarked by Truro assay office and I sent it anonymously but within the inside circle I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should get it on she was in my cerebration always.

'' A queer narration, '' Father averred, `` but come in and have an supererogatory position set at dinner female parent. ``

'' What happened to dame Catherine the Great ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner party,

'' She stole a closed chain, '' Father said, `` A trinket from madam Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid silver ring, '' female parent said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to retrieve you thought to hook up with her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, noblewoman Fowler would receive forgotten the wholly matter of Catherine the Great would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the tintinnabulation, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a fuss, '' female parent said, `` All smart set attended, the justice, evaluator President Grant, insisted that the law were upheld for her as for the lowest order and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her rubric and whipped four times at equinoxes or the nearest Sat thereto and should serve as Lady Henry Watson Fowler 's servant for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather be given hogs in a sphere ! '' Father added, `` So the justice he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to lean hogg, '' mother squealed.

'' And his seemliness passed a note to the Judge. '' Father of the Church added.

'' And the Judge ordered her to wear an iron chastity knock ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' female parent suggested, `` I shall draw back. ``

Padre took up the fib, `` They dragged her to the cell, it was pitiful, she came with her sire and mother and sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her pureness and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the rustle started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a microscope stage to be built beside the Red Lion and promised fee ale and had the Judge contribute her to the square on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hands and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift, tearing her dress right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were relieve and then he called the blacksmith and they had a fireplace going and they rivetted an iron collar around her cervix like any common criminal and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a valuable ring, old geezer silver, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and right hand in alternate slash, first he bared her tail end so we could see the belt and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed lines into it, an in apart every column inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her front. ``

'' Her breasts ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her mamilla, criss hybridizing hither and thither her ams were shackled overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred cilium and all she could say was'I 'm innocent .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' Father said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing urine at her from sleeping accommodation pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her place and stockings and they drew the Earl 's muck spreading haul up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a news report from a pistol, of course being a alright lady, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobble and she form of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted veggie and all kind of dirty word at her. ``

'' They put a sackful around her to hide her nakedness, '' Father added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and experience with the pigs, she measures out their swill, some say she shares it because they do n't feed her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' mother said, `` The yokels used to like to torment her but they do n't see the point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Beadle has her road fix though, '' male parent added, `` Rock breaking, which is mans work really but the judge agreed it was fair. ``

'' To suppose you wanted to sustain your hat up to a vulgar malefactor, she 'll birth to become a handmaid or marry a yahoo, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' Father said because he knew of such affair being a former militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine the Great refused the Henry Watson Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all rightfulness. '' female parent insisted, `` The Fowler 's would throw no penury of her portion. ``

I knew something was amiss, but what ?

'' Oh of course of instruction she 's been whipped since then, '' mother said, `` It did n't seem right when they brought her into the square behind the dung cart on mid summers day and the tone was something dire, so last week they found her apparel from the Granville Stanley Hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Padre said, `` Like a bad looseness, a nasty yokel in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls spare baby buggy, but the lower orders loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the clothes off her and showed the under-things of a ticket gentlewoman that the lower guild may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hoots when they bared her tit, '' female parent added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily white where the grunge flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home plate ? '' Father asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' well you are a very lucky boy, '' female parent opined, '' Why had you the money to match your calf love you may have wed a stealer. ``

'' He wanted her portion Mabel, '' Father explained, `` A thousand guinea fowl, eh, sweeten the pill eh ! all her need and haughtiness, I remember when she was young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the braveness to mouth to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' Mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is cleaner and less morbid. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next break of the day I donned my working clothes and borrowed sire 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode past tense slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my sawbuck and I walked back, `` Nice break of the day, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is squeamish about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at betting odds with her station.

'' Fresh child's play, pretty female child, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her sexual morality rap, `` Or that because I have sharp tooth and a strong sting. ''

'' A osculation then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill sack for a smock but it was loose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not escape you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a pith pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp teeth and pointed articulatio cubiti. ``

'' Then a essence pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you play along me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her manacled ankle to the pigsty bulwark, `` I am afraid I am indispose. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I know you ? '' she asked.

'' You are noblewoman Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past lifetime, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard labour had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An friend, and a meat pie you shall have, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for PIE ? '' she asked, `` Pies not promises will win my affections. ``

I went away in search of pies, I bought a piece at the Red Leo and a jam tart and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so good, lovesome solid food. '' she said and when I gave her the woman of the street she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire More then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the scented pee from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my nipple ? '' she asked, `` As the yokel do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her fault from her knocker and bent my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not dun me with gentle kiss take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` bite me hurt me but do not get it on me for I can not bear it. ``

'' You do not receive my attending ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me exempt you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my rim. '' she said and I kissed her full on the mouth and she recoiled, `` No your penis ! '' she cried, `` I shall not bite. ``
I undid my knee pants feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for second how her passing might be, all aureate fur and expectation beneath the iron strap and it happened, uncontrollably my expelling started, splattering her chin and nose and eyelid, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my helping hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her brass, `` You should hold allowed my osculation, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a long passionate kiss and you shall stimulate a chicken leg and apple pie next sentence passing. ``

'' And pull up stakes me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a enquiry, `` Why did you steal the doughnut ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great gimmick, '' I said, `` But I own I should care to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty thong, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your Church Father ! '' I announced.

'' You are brutal with these biz, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's slops than run your companionship and eat pies and prostitute, cocoa even. ``

'' fare well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my sawbuck blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this sentence, all dressed like a Gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your pardon sir but whom should I tell his seemliness for I can not recall your epithet. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old tomfool was too impressed by my attire to realise who I was and invited me to waitress in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom forget a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a betray explorer who sought riches in the Americas and succumbed to sea nausea before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck minelaying in Cornwall, enough for a lawsuit of clothes and a horse in any showcase. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine of Aragon here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her pursuit me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrowfulness than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, offer wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a horse and no fortune, indeed you should be a utter peer, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall find the key to her sexual morality belt, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pouch, and drew out a silver medal key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your hearts cognitive content. '' he said.

I found a British shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the matter of of a tintinnabulation, '' I explained, `` I have a expectant fondness for Catherine and would wish to have her innocence proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for gang, '' he explained, `` It brought her downfall, an antique of the thirteenth century by its grade I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you consort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprise as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite strange, indeed very strange to be given a disengage hand with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the light source was fading I went to see her instantly, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a word to Father or mother but succeeding day I bought roast chicken leg, and an apple pie and some especial cocoa with diffused centres containing fine wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a sawbuck blanket.

'' She is keeping it safe for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several clip across the shoulders with a rough branch he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two cent for you to ca-ca yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to blow out his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you delight to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the odour of wimp, '' she smiled, `` Tell me are you John the Evangelist, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a Price. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine of Aragon gnawed hungrily upon the chicken leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her chastity belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall lay claim you when you are released, first you shall bath and then we shall rule a soft bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not desire me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can hold off, '' I admitted, `` But can you jib me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was ex, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can tell from the marks when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the sign of the zodiac but sought instead the Judge Grant. He knew of my founder and so he allowed me an audience for ten proceedings as he was very busy, yet he called his man to cancel his appointments when I explained the situation and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the place of origin, the chit from the jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to God Almighty and Lady Gower produced a platter that the anchor ring was resized some geezerhood ago for peeress fowler 's ancestor, '' the Judge remembered, `` And he read the check Gospel According to Mark with a spy glass and indeed gave a precise date of fabrication some hundred of years prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except Assay stamps do n't generate the century merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth part century from the elan, but not from the marks sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seed of incertitude Mr Matson, '' The jurist agreed, `` A come no to a greater extent, but I shall make up enquiries, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went home plate. Father was in an irritable mood, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will quest for you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a fortune to drop, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and more, a hundred pound sterling, but go on it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis good to hear John but it will be even better when it is in my paw. ``

I found him a flatware ingot from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to ingest reward and her blanket was stolen so I found her a blanket and a hot meal, and I worried that the wintertime weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't can, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My mouth is foul with the Swineherds discharge. ``

'' poor poor Catherine the Great, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` exact me as your own. ``

'' claim you ? '' I asked.

'' call for away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are proven innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with fib of Cornwall, `` Did you get my doughnut ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the first to you by messenger, I engraved With my lovemaking JM inside it, just a simple trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a fine antique ring and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her eye welled with tears, `` So delight never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred pounds, after the repayment of Father of the Church loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so pitiful, I presume too much. ``

'' volition you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig muck but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes entire of tears and incongruous in her nastiness, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can love me then that is my fondest wish. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to gather sufficient hogs around her to keep open her warm through the long cold night.

'' His pureness Judge grant wishes to see you John, '' founder announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the neat importunity. ``

I went to his William Chambers with the greatest speed and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do believe untested fowler may have given it to Miss Maisey Fellows, Theodore fella gal, the merchant do you know. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make query sir, when my decision are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall institutionalise for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall take on at Mr George Ratner 's department store, a short paseo away, '' he ordered, `` Ten discriminating idea. ``

I went directly to the George I Inn where I put up and in the sunrise, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a stir of bodily function I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner department store, the jurist greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And listen. ``

Miss boyfriend was a striking vernal woman, she strode into the shop on Haven Street accompanied by her maid and her Mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` mamma has invited Mr Fowler this evening. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your doughnut, '' he said, `` oldtimer silver, very rarified, ''

'' A present from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester cathedral. '' the evaluator said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may give birth been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry Miss Fellows the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand pounding or in that part, '' the mother explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by number they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the trademark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all pack looked much the Lapplander but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at weal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the spyglass and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did appear very intimate, and plain, I expected a fulgent raiment of diamonds but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an lettering HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester closed chain. '' before I could tuck my thoughts.

The evaluator gave young lady colleague a receipt for the ring and asked that he might audience Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Fowlers gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the bearing of the judge he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the bottom logical argument, I have stared at that plenty times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacity ? ``

'' miner, extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own doughnut I said, `` See here, a ring I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro mold. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the ringing again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro check office impression, and that is no old-timer, indeed the two rings could have got come from the same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my lovemaking HM, the HM is still visible the eternal sleep gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servants quarters at the department store, the jurist, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the reserves and we went to the colleague'residence and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr fowler had barely walked in the house when the Judge approached him, `` Mr fowler, I have to question you about an oldtimer silver ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the justice announced as he pulled the ring from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall audience her, come up. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and encounter me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad company and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a healthy figure of people were already there and I became aware that the court was rapidly filling, the elderly Mr Fowler founding father of Francis Fowler was in the fundament behind me looking grim and at once angry and care, and then when I was seated for a half time of day the Book of Judges clerk ordered `` All cost increase, '' and the Judge appeared.

'' If it pleases the first case is Rex versus fowler. perjury. '' the clerk announced. `` Fetch the captive. ``

'' If it pleases your worship, '' an insignificant niggling lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me bring Franics John the Divine Hunstanton fowler. '' he ordered and when Henry Watson Fowler appeared from the electric cell escorted by militia the judge wasted no time, `` Where did you obtain this hoop ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon Miss Fellows to prove you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a class heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us call Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' secrecy ! '' the judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting way, `` So where did you incur this old geezer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her female parent before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dear Francis for his dear. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine II stole ? '' the evaluator asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four check marker. '' the judge asked.

'' My Lord, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient Assay office and one can not tell in which hundred a piece was marked, merely the twelvemonth from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The jurist replied, `` And when did the Truro office cease to boss with the Cornwallis postage and set about to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you elucidate us, '' the justice asked.

'' Some ten years ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an gaffer mob and lied also that Lady Catherine stole the pack '' the jurist suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the justice ordered, `` I order that Francis John Hunstanton Fowler and Lady Hermione Desdemona Ruth Henry Watson Fowler be detained securely until this Friday hebdomad when they shall be tried for perjury, and that fille Catherine formerly Lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on charges of larceny also on Fri, I shall incur application for bail for both thing in my chambers after this hearing.

I slumped in my butt, the business concern of the trial run of Manningham, Lord grayness 's gamekeeper for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the theft of a knight which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the Judge retired.

I approached and offered bail bond for Catherine, `` How much do you offer ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guineas here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send word, but she will ask clothing so spend your ten dago wisely. ``

I had trivial metre so I a few servants smocks were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham Gaol when the reserves brought Catherine of Aragon back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand bail bond '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean smock, `` And where shall you call for me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then take me to soap and pee. '' she demanded.

I had investment trust indeed but she was unwished-for in any workshop so I purchased such for her and a hair comb and soft leather slippers then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge circuit where the road crossed the Trentham river on numerous lowly low arch and after tethering the sawhorse she slipped over the breastwork and casting aside her duster she slipped into the bosom rich vitreous silica clear water.

She stooped with water up to her berm soaping herself and washing herself and the glorious pinkness of her slowly emerged from her pelage of filth and she stood gallant and firm bodied with not an apothecaries' ounce of spare fat, her udders sweeping from her breast like as utter perfection, just the crisscross of the whip trails to blight her as the crud slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the pile of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed exemption then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her recollective yellow straw like hairsbreadth like a naughty retriever dog, and yet with plenteous use of the grievous bodily harm slowly did her hair regain it 's aureate hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge breastwork curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the water and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an minute and more of splashing and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall hold you plate, '' I said, `` Your begetter will be concerned. ``

'' prevaricator, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodging planetary house but when head were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as master and retainer, and as was the practice I paid for two elbow room and used but one.

She ate heartily with the handmaid that evening and when I retired following a good-time but sober evening with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her ready in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the notion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the dayspring, and woke me with a kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with item precaution I explored where the chastity knock had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and liberate me from your clasp. ``

I took grasp of her and pried her legs full and after exploring her unmanliness with my fingers eased the soft faithful asunder and eased the purple head of my manhood into her indulgent wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degrees and through her agony which she staunchly repressed so quarter inch by quarter inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of fond and wet and tight, and to her dismay I emitted within her promptly with all the authority of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with Passion of Christ until my potency returned and I entreated her to admit me to enjoyed her delight once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a Somalian shilling, and many more than British shilling for soap, I do conceive you owe me the courtesy of allowing my care a few to a greater extent times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The interpolation, it distresses me greatly though I try to crush my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on thoroughly authority that the pain subsides with drill, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should wait a safe few insertions before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was futile and pressed habitation my manhood against her, and when pressed her indistinctness parted like the petals of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her indulgent folds enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her modest hairs around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher plane of Shangri-la entirely as she began to groan but with pleasure and not pain, `` I do trust you may be decent, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your love life and I shall be message indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than passion and in a while her passions overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted voluminous amount semen within her to quench her privileged fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you love being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't jest. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our bargain with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our union but the promise of two hundred Pound changed his mind, but the Earl was more sticky, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our consultation and struck a bargain with the housekeeper and I took away all the Lady Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen Ugandan shilling !

The Reverent Bailey agreed to hook up with us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham Assizes in the Court house.

Catherine chose to jade her red velvet dress with white detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should have been, to the shock and dismay of the yokels clustered around the tourist court who expected her to be near naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public buttocks and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The transactions were over in the nictation of an eye.

'' The pillow slip of Catherine, formerly dame Catherine Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the prosecution. '' the Judge demanded of a small lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the prison cell, '' the evaluator remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a simple mistake, and I 'm sure Mre Fellows and Mr Francis Fellows would magnanimously forgive the girlfriend and exhaust her from her time. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then phone Mr Gospel According to John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the multitude and entered the witness box as Mrs fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please tell the court of justice where you obtained it. '' The jurist asked, once I had sworn the verity to severalize, `` The one on your fingerbreadth. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro trademark. ``

'' appearance me, '' The evaluator insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very much like the Fowler one, did you stool that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for noblewoman Catherine the Great, it was engraved `` With my sexual love HM, but the Son have been worn off to leave but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The justice asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the jurist insisted, `` It is clear the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine, Lady Catherine the Great your judgment of conviction is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a later date perhaps you may lead the Margaret Court with no blot upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my stroller, Barrington had offered his serving once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classic dash of a landed Gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs Price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart carriage pulled by a jibe twain of Second Earl Grey,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in tempestuousness tears `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apologia, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her Padre came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our brotherhood ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a Ugandan shilling, a fair price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not receive you or her, ''

She set her face like Harlan F. Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative enquiries and when Catherine approved I bought the manor sign called Boulby manor for a veritable vocal as it was in an unstylish style, and the trustees of the tardy Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Fri trial, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the leniency of the Judge so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the evaluator came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must lay out the sentence which their perjurious assertion brought down on the innocent, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two hundred lash and be transported and Mrs fowler shall wear one hundred lashes at solstice and equinox and shall serve Lady Catherine the Great who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capacity she shall choose.

Catherine of Aragon looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The fourth dimension and day of the month were set, play false flurries set the market place white like phantasy world and made the stage slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the mother in for the first time, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the dance step to the stagecoach, she was dressed in her cloak and her heavy winter robe with her handwriting manacled but as soon as she was under the light beam they hauled her hands above her heading, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the worst bit Saint John the Apostle, '' Catherine II said, `` When they tore my gown off, I had no idea, no idea at all. '' she said, `` All the bumpkin staring at what is private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when Lady Henry Watson Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tore away her dress but he struggled and then it was away and mere under things covered her and then with rendings and tearings her tore her to nakedness. not even a sexual abstention belt protected her modesty, as the rolling of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in screen panic and all was not well with the lashing as her easygoing physique split almost the first blow.

There was consternation, and the Judge President Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you bump it in your heart to commute the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the blows at a suitable rate nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my pigs as I should detest for him to return from the antipode with a lot. ``

'' A wise and compassionate intellection, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a look of pity Lady Catherine II has agreed that the lashes shall be applied at her home base and in gain has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared DoT and instead lashed in the place of his aforesaid mother and consigned to process the squealer. ``

The female parent was thus cut down and the fowler son in good turn brought up, the yokel lost interest but the maids became worry in their act as his crownwork and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the ray of light by a rope round his manacled hands, and then his breeches were hauled down and the first blow was administered across his left shoulder and then a endorsement across his right shoulder, and he bore it stoically while ten or more blows were landed and then in the manner of such people he began to break down, but it was not until after the first XX blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's buttocks that the titter of laugh for as the blows landed so his manhood found the gap in his under knee breeches and reared through the gap though by many criterion it was both poor and fat it caused immense merriment, indeed Catherine the Great turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the blows continued it reared obscenely and his smiler reddened with embarrassment.

'' flavor, ! '' was the yell, taken up around the square, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a wicked sense of devilment the whips-man flashed the whip between Henry Watson Fowler leg and deep into his loins and all at once his manhood became renovate and spewed Forth such a disgusting greyish substance, like three day old milk, that stout char fainted.

'' To think I might have married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six calendar month in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling knee and with half the gust unadministered he was carried away senseless to the jailhouse to recover before a further academic session a workweek hence.

Catherine the Great and I stepped down among the world-class and we travelled domicile by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to witness permanent wave employment with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine was despondent although she remained stoic throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want Father-God and Mother at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver