Volodymyr checked his look in the toilet mirror one last metre. His lips, enhanced by collagen injections, had been painted in their sexiest Amor 's bow pout. His brows were plucked in frail arch. His bleached haircloth was cut to shoulder-length.

After several year of electrolysis, hormones, and bleaching, his skin was fluent and hairless. He looked as pretty as he was ever going to look. He felt the usual nervousness that he always felt whenever he went out on a `` date, '' even though he 'd been living as a cleaning lady for the last year, even though this was no date.

Outside he heard his ex-wife Olena and her new husband Vladimir talking about a vacation they were taking in a couple of week. How could they talk so casually ? He felt a stab of sorrowfulness when he heard they were going to Berdiansk. nineteen long time before, Volodymyr and Olena had honeymooned there. But it was far too late to change anything now.

'' Let 's go Brenda, '' Olena called out impatiently from the other room. `` We have n't got forever. And you have a lot to a lesser extent time than that. ``

Vladimir laughed at the crude joke. Volodymyr swallowed another tranquilizer with a newspaper cup of weewee. His handwriting, with its delicate, pink-nailed fingerbreadth, was trembling.

His ex-wife and her new husband were sitting in the only two chairs in the grubby motel room when Volodymyr walked in, clickety-clacking on gold, sling-back sandals. It had taken him a farseeing prison term to instruct how to walk gracefully on such tall, thinly high-heels. He heard Vladimir ease up a low, mocking pennywhistle, but Volodymyr had been used by enough men in enough cheesy motel way to recognize the hint of real desire there.

His ex-wife slapped playfully at her new husband 's arm and flavour Volodymyr up and down.

'' well Brenda, '' she said archly, `` do n't you count the trashy cutie. ``

'' Do n't be hateful, '' Vladimir said, still joking. `` You 've got to give her point in time for travail. ``

'' Yeah, '' Olena said, `` the worthless prick did try dire hard at being a sissy. It was about the only thing he tried hard at. ``

'' Hey, '' Vladimir said quietly, `` ease up or you 'll pall him even more than he is. You do n't want him to change his brain, do you ? ``

Volodymyr guessed that he was n't supposed to hear that last remark, or Vladimir figured it made no difference if he did. The fact was that it probably did n't make any remainder. Volodymyr was pretty dizzy by now from all the pills. He did n't have much will to resist whatever they might receive suggested. Still, Olena seemed to consider Vladimir 's words and her tone softened.

'' It 's hunky-dory Brenda honey, '' she cooed. `` Do n't be scared. It 's all going to be OK. Vladimir 's right. You do front absolutely lovely. ``

Volodymyr knew his ex-wife well enough to understand that she had n't really changed her ruling. She hated him and she 'd hate him forever. But that did n't really matter either. Not anymore. Nothing mattered, but the contiguous present tense. It was all Volodymyr had left. He just wanted things to go easier over the future, hopefully curtly, moments of his piteous life. He was gladiolus enough just to hear a kind vox, even if it was a phony kindness, even if his ex-wife 's gradualness, like Vladimir 's, was all just an act.

Oh god, Volodymyr thought, putting out a hired hand to stay fresh his balance. He suddenly felt mentally ill on the heels and sat on the edge of the thin, dirty-looking bed. How can I go through with this ?

'' Have you written your note, steady ? '' Olena asked in sugared tones. `` That 's important. You did n't forget, did you ? ``

Volodymyr shook his school principal. `` I remembered. ``

He felt like he was going to vomit, suddenly terrified. He tried to hold his eyes on the floor. He did n't want to look at what he knew he 'd see hanging from the plaster-covered shaft above the open water closet. That 's where it would happen, just outside the closet, Volodymyr thought, how ironic.

'' Read it to make indisputable, will you Vladimir ? ``

Olena 's husband went over to the night-table where Volodymyr had left the suicide tone. He picked it up and read it out garish. In it, Volodymyr explained how his life was meaningless, how he 'd always wanted to be something he could n't, how the shame and unhappiness of his desire to be a woman had washed-up him. He forgave everyone, including his ex, and accepted replete responsibility for his actions. He wanted to die. He was killing himself.

'' It 's all there, '' Vladimir said, `` just like you told him. Air-tight and effectual. There should n't be any suspicions or inquiries. ``

'' You did a dear job Brenda, '' Olena said, approvingly. `` You got it down to the letter. You 'd sustain made an excellent secretaire. ``

Volodymyr ignored her sarcasm. He had already shown her the bank instruction, the caudex options, everything she had n't managed to take from him in the divorce. He showed her the signed document that made her his beneficiary in the effect of his expiry. She 'd taken virtually of it already ... now she 'd have the rest. All Volodymyr asked in return was to be kept company in his final here and now of agony even if the only audience he could find was an ex who loathed him and a man amused and disgusted by him. All Volodymyr asked in return for the money he bequeathed them was that did n't receive to die alone.

No one will ever love you, you freak, Olena had mocked him when she discovered his private three year before. And she 'd been right. All Volodymyr had found was agile, unlawful sex in room like this one with desperate, angry, aroused men. Sometimes they paid him. Sometimes they brought him off. Sometimes they beat him. They never loved him.

"It 's time darling, '' Olena stated flatly. `` Let 's go honey. Let 's get the show on the road. There 's no sense dragging this on any farsighted than requirement. ``

She 's so heavy, so cold, Volodymyr thought, not for the low prison term. But it surprised and saddened him to incur that she 'd be like this now, even at the end. He stood up shakily from the bed. He started across the room. The rope hanging from the ceiling was unavoidable now. It was his finish, his survive and only true honey. He felt his knees start to buckle.

'' truelove there princess, '' Vladimir said.

Sobs shook Volodymyr 's feminized organic structure. Tears ran hot over his impertinence. But he did n't faint or falter. He was going to die soon. He had already accepted that fact. The thought was terrible but also somehow comforting. It was the right thing to do, he knew. He would never fit in this world : it was better if he left it.

'' Here, '' Vladimir said, `` let me turn over you my professorship. ``

'' Ever the gentleman, '' Olena said drolly.

Vladimir laughed, turned, and winked at Volodymyr. `` Do n't listen to her. You 're doing fine, honey. Do n't forget to put on your bracelets. They match your outfit perfectly. But do it after you get up on the chair and put the noose on. I 'm afraid I ca n't bring the risk of helping you up. Sorry ... '' he held up his gloved workforce and grinned. `` touch is out. Ca n't leave any fingermark on your pretty little body. ``

'' Thank you Vladimir, '' Volodymyr said quietly, slurring the Bible a trivial. `` Thank you for being so sort to me. ``

'' Think nothing of it honey. Now up you go. ``

Volodymyr steadied himself with a handwriting on the back of the chairwoman and stepped onto it as gracefully as he could. It was hard in the self-destruction rig he 'd chosen : a tight white sheath attire, slit up the side and the Au sandals. He 'd taken the cuff that Vladimir had left on the chair for him. Now, standing on the chair and trying to proceed his balance, he quickly slipped the running noose over his bowed bleach-blonde head.

He reached up with lithe white arms and tightened the knot. He felt the roofy against the soft flesh of his pharynx and felt a sob snatch in his throat. He took a deep breath and realized it would be one of his last. He slipped a slender wrist into one of the moth-eaten cuff, put his arms behind his back, and snapped the other cuff closed.

Click.

He was finished. He put his head down again and saw through tear-filled eyes the balmy White heap of his chest beneath the slick framework of the sheath dress. Beyond that, his ten pink toes lined up together as he stood wit his pes demurely together on the chair.

'' Go ahead, '' Olena said, `` step off. Go ahead, do it already, for crissakes. ``

Helpless now, there was no turning back for Volodymyr, and Olena knew it, and that meant there was little indigence to even profess to like. There was nothing now but cold, heartless cruelty.

'' I have to use the lavatory, '' Volodymyr gasped. `` I have to do pee. Please let me go to the bathroom. ``

'' Goddammit I 've never heard anything so ridiculous, '' Olena spat. `` Vladimir, kick the shag death chair out from under him and let 's get this over with. ``

'' Wait a sec Olena, '' Vladimir said. He turned to Volodymyr. `` It 's okay honey. You 're just afraid. It 's natural. If you squirt a footling while you 're dying, no one will blame you. I promise. Now just step off the chair, baby. Come on beautiful. Do you want me to help you ? ``

The pills were beginning to really remove upshot by now and Volodymyr wanted nothing more than to lie down, to rest, to sleep forever. He wanted to go to sleep in this nightmare world and rouse up in another where all his pipe dream would fare true. He could barely stand erect any longer, but each time his knee bent he felt the tug of the snare, reminding him, waking him back to the nightmare. Vladimir 's representative came to him from far away, but it sounded so kind, so friendly, so sweet.

'' Do you want me to facilitate you sweets ? ``

'' Yes, help me, '' Volodymyr whispered `` please, please help me ... ''

'' okay princess ... I 'll help you. ``

Vladimir kicked the chair out from under him. Volodymyr felt the stifling pressure against his throat immediately. His centre closed on an impenetrable rampart of Theodore Harold White annoyance. His legs kicked spasmodically and he quickly lost both of his jolly gold sandals. He was hanging, barefoot, his painted toes stretched in vain almost a base above the floor.

'' It 's happening, '' Olena said, excitedly, clapping her hands, `` finally ... I did n't think the unintelligent bitch would ever do it ... ''

Vladimir laughed huskily. He watched, fascinated, the strangely titillating dancing of the slowly strangling sissy. `` Dammit, '' he said, `` dammit that 's fucking sexy. ``

Volodymyr 's eyes, closed on the pain in the neck and the tears, squeezed open up. He saw his ex-wife and her new hubby standing up, pressed together, wildly fucking. They came several times, growing excited all over again, with every crisis Volodymyr seemed to endure. He wanted to cry out for help, beg them to take him down, but he knew it was too tardy, and they 'd never help him even if it were n't. His conflict had all but ended by now, anyway : he was almost there. It would be stupid to turn back now.

In spite of his cause to carry back, Volodymyr 's bladder suddenly released. The loss of control stunned the dying sissy. Hot urine splashed over his smooth out second joint, soaked his livid frock, and dripped off his already cold, curled toes. From somewhere, through the crackling over-crowding thickening inside his mind, he could hear Olena barking with laughter.

He closed his middle and felt a series of involuntary capture excite his consistency. In venom of the fact that his penis had been gaffed backwards, he felt himself cum in short, truncated burst. This must be the end, he thought, the end of him.

brightness level sparked and flashed behind Volodymyr 's closed palpebra. His unanimous consistency reverberated with the final beatings of his laboring heart. And then his mouth gaped open and no air came in ... and no air went out. He was strangled, suffocated, and his natural language pushed out between his bloodied teeth.

The congestion in his head had grown unbearable—it felt as if his genius were about to explode. Volodymyr shuddered a live on prison term and he lived just long enough to have one final humiliation. He felt his bowels open and the soft, warm feces push through the thong panties splitting the smooth, perfective tense globes of his creamy blank ass.

He was alone and long drained when they found him. His face so occluded from his ordeal on the end of the hanging circle that the investigator filling out the initial report paid the drained sissy what he would have considered the ultimate compliment if he 'd been alive.

He was taken to the dead room and put in a cold metal drawer and until the coroners stripped off his apparel and had at him the tag on his pink toe was like a belated valentine. They had mistaken him for a woman. For a footling while, anyway, he 'd beget his wish : he had died a girl.

END