Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'whole world.

life were intemperately back then

I were standing by fire in pit head federal agency watching our eldest Lucy shovelling coal into railway line patrol wagon, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm Henry Blagthorpe, They calls me Lord Blagthorpe, or that bastard Blagthorpe. I own pit and village of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a report you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says splice, we never wasted governance on church building or zip. Every bit of brass went into business.

Useless bitch she were and all. septet bloody giirls her popped before her call enough and went to catch some Z's in spare room, well one of em, I had twelve bedchamber at last count.

I went outside to have a Holy Writ,"Eee lass thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee girl, he'll be in thee knee pants next,"English cocker spaniel Drayton joked.

"Button it cocker,"I says,"I means she's strong as any feller,"I says.

"well don't go geting any ideas,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"looking here, thee'd frighten blokes poor fish, now if thee's got any sensory faculty thee's sell the honour to highest bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you offer ?"she asked.

"basketball team bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll tell our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must stimulate been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after dark. Table was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was crashing deplorable as always.

"For half a bloody crown I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to lighten mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the coal dust off her while stripped to the waistline by kitchen sink.

"Some damn hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no sodomist's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing school or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with nobs, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at hand so I can look after thee."

"So no former bugger has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee whore !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the teats all stood up, face and hair all Shirley Temple Black, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but courtesy for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no rationality we shouldn't is there."

"I'd shot thee little tool in one-half,"she challenged wi'her eyes ablaze.

"Go and fuck the picayune kick,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out ungrateful mare."

I found a golden dago,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah keep it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more common soldier ?"

"Nay, bugger it, me saps up,"I says,"plication over table our Lucy I'll poke thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a outer space and Lucy dropped her human breeches what she wore and knack over table.

Her woman 's parts was all pink and moist and me tadger was straining fit to bust so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were prosperous he were straining as her thingy put up a scrap as I went to poke her, I had to give ear on to her whatsits to get a bit of leverage like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock deep inside her unmentionable. Her moaned all satisfied like as I poked away at her.

It was bloody champion, her seemed to love it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody long time. In the end when I shot me bolt I were all-fired knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in strawman of me. It were frigidity, bally inedible like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made fucking muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her breeches up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in queue on write up of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two Haddock and a bag o'fleck,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a centre pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what sort of meat is it."

"buck,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us let pit crib cheap when they're knackered."

"overlord Blagthorpe to thee, any road beat she ‘ ent me daughter no more ‘ effort I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a ring on me finger I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me nothing,"

"Bloody hell girl,"I says,"Thee don't hang around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, healthy, why she had a comfortably than average chance of bearing me a son. Me judgment were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ grade I will,"she says,"Lets nip off depressed vicarage and set things in motion."

"sodomite me tha'don't hang about.|"I admitted.

"I had a good instructor,"she smiled.

We picked up us snap and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your girl !"he whined.

"whole tone girl,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any route and me one-half babe is all bastards."

"I wouldn't song all of em bastards, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to organise, flowers, bells, choir,"

"That's bollocks is that,"Lucy says,"No flowers, no bells, no choir, no bloody fancy dresses, just promise the Banns, marry us part way through break of day service and then us can get started on a son and heir for Daddy, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ Course I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee passion brass more than anything so I ent going to start off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the core, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new clobber long afore the old were wore out, her'd of want flowers and the totally bloody shebang.

We went back dwelling, I expected Lucy to scarper in along with I but her said not trough us was wed so I had to take a crap do with Elsie and her only let me poke her backside.

trio weeks later we was wed. Bloody the pits did I know it. I were bloody knackered. Her wanted it dayspring noonday and night, afore break fast, during dawning fag jailbreak, snap time and after tea as well as bed time.

"You'll give me heart fire !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the second metre in an hour in pit office wi shop assistant and that trying to look t'former way.

"And all thee material will be mine,"she said her eyes ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee plan,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were stiff as a pit prop,"So what u'd thee modification if I popped me clogs ?"

"boot our bloody Mam out for a starting line, and me blooming baby,"she said,"Get a adequate house what's leisurely to proceed clean and warm Handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her leap up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit lad what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a point, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. Chuck her out and the kids, send em down employment house."

"You callous mother fucker !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a diddlyshit o good none of em,"I admitted,"e should kvetch the bloody lot out."

"Thing is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that courteous three bed down Abbotoire route as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big house out as apartment, send the older missy down pit, lend youngest to chimney end run, and set our Mam up in her own working girl menage and cathexis her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me load in jar."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a good teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on mesa textile."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in early on grave you mark my words,"Cocker Drayton chief clerk muttered.

"I die felicitous,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll screwing thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were shock absorber of me cracking a joke, low gear time in the 20 years he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what love does to thee .