This is the endorse history of a much foresightful account arc, which is best read in the order of the list at the end.

Translation of German words or phrases at the end. However, I have tried to make water the meaning fairly clear in context.



AS THETWIG IS BENT
Part One

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.


"Kurt ! Darlin ’, wake up ! You're havin'a incubus. Kurt !"

Mount Logan's vox doughnut through my head, disrupting the dream that holds me wrapped."I am avake. discontinue shaking me. It is all ripe,"I protest as I gather the part of realism around me, pushing the junk of that sham realism out of my head.

I feel Mount Logan's arms encircle my still-trembling body, drawing me closer to him. I curl up against his pectus like a child.

"What was that all about, Elf ? I'm usually the one with the nightmares, but this is the third night in a row that I've had to wake you up."

"It is cipher. I just vant to block it."

"Was it the same one again ?"

"I do not vant to babble out about it !"

"It was, wasn't it, darlin'?"He hesitates before going on, as if unsure of my reaction."Who's Herr Grüber ?"

affright immerse me at the mention of that name. I tense up and cling tighter to my stick partner, shaking my head in denial. My arse curls pathetically between my legs.

Logan reacts instantly to the fearfulness that inundation my scent as well as my sudden tension by using one of the hands he has behind me to stroke my rachis. I take a cryptical breath, trying to loosen up.

"cypher. It is not important. Please, let us not lecture of this."

"cypher, huh ? Then why have you been pleading with him in your sleep for the last few nighttime ? And why did you call out his epithet the night before that, while I was fisting you ?"

"Vhat did I say ?"

"You really wan na know ?"

All I can do is nod my drumhead. I had no approximation I was talking in my slumber, much less during the time Logan was fist-fucking me. Mein Gott, what have I been saying ? !

"You were whimpering and begging in German. I didn't catch all of it, but it was something like"Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein."I've never heard your voice auditory sensation like that before. And then later you told him to go back to Hell, where he belonged. It's been mostly the same kind of thing during the incubus also."

Oh, no ! Had I really said all that out loud ? !

"C'mon, Elf. This ain't ‘ nobody'if he's haunting your dreams."

"I do not vish to discuss him."

"You're acting like a scared kid. This is me. There's nix you can't William Tell me."

I can not even take myself to say his name, much to a lesser extent talk about Herr Grüber. Not to Logan, not to anyone. misdirection. Ja, that is it. I can trouble him from pursuing this.

"So then there is also goose egg you can not tell me, nicht wahr ?"

Logan reacts as I expect him to."Well - uh --"

I take the orifice he gives me."Of path, it is all right hand for you to defy to talk to me about those special delegacy you have been going out to do alone, but I must tell you everything about my lifetime. Is that it ?"

If he truly were a Michigander, I would have been able to see his hair stand on end when I said that. As it is, I feel him tense up, just as I have. We lie there unwavering and prickly in each other's arms.

"You don't understand, Kurt. That's different. I can't tell you about that."

"How is it unlike ? Vhy ?"

"You don't understand. That's all. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I can't. You've just got to trust me on this."

"I could say the Lapp to you then."

I pull away from him, turning over and dragging the cover song up to my chin.

"Aw, Elf, don't do this to me. Or to yourself."

"I am not doing anything to you that you are not doing to me."

"harbor't we gone around in rotary long enough about this already ?"

"Ja, ve have. So let us leave it alone."

"OK, supposition I'm gon na have to figure it out for myself then."

I start to get up from the bed, but his weapon system fasten around my waistline."You ain't goin'nowhere, darlin ’. Not without me goin'along."

Scheisse ! Now what am I going to do ? If he is holding me like this, I can not even teleport without taking him with me.

"talk to me, damnit !"

I shake my head teacher in deaf-and-dumb person refusal. If one does not spill, one can not throw anything away.

"This ain't like you. You're usually the one who's all for communication and satin flower. to the highest degree of the time I can't get you to shut your back talk. But now, I can't seem to get you to spread out it. What's the matter ? Cat got your tongue ?"

That did not take a shit any sentience."Nein. My spit is right here,"I protest, turning around and sticking it out at him.

"It's an artistic style, darlin ’."

I duck my head teacher to obscure my superfluity."Oh. Sorry."

Well, so much for muteness. I was never very estimable at that anyway.

"C'mon, Elf. You're the one always wanting us to talk about stuff."

"Can ve not just talk of the town of something else ?"

"OK."

Too easygoing. He is not going to pass up that easily, and I know it.

"feel, you're all upset. I know how to get you to relax."

He draws me back down so that I am lying alongside him again, but still facing my side of meat of our bed. His hand moves down to the small of my book binding. I shiver as he digs his finger's breadth into the tight muscles that control my hindquarters. Delightful ! Just what I need to banish the leftover fear from the nightmare. If I had been lying on my stomach instead of my side, I would birth arched my rear against his hand, as a cat will do when petted. As it is, I press my hips back against him and sigh luxuriously. If I were that supposed cat, I would deliver begun to purr.

I know very well what this will lead to, but I have no objections. Quite the reverse, in fact. Sex will surely sidetrack his travail to figure out what is bothering me.

"Darlin ’, I really know very little about your other childhood, although you've told me a lot about performing in the carnival as a teen-ager and how lots you enjoyed it,"he says lightly, as if this were his interpretation of changing the field to some kind of small talk. Although I try to hold onto my feeling of well-being and loosening, it is difficult. I know full well that I can not easily lead astray Mount Logan. For one matter, I have no talent for lying. For another, he could probably separate from the nervousness in my odour if I even attempted to tell him an untruth.

"One would think you went right from your mother's womb to the flying trapeze,"he continues, in that same Light note of voice.

Before I can stop myself, I reply bitterly,"Often I have vished that vere true."

"Uhmm."

That is all ? No advance comment ? It seems so, as his hired hand move low-toned and grasps the base of my tail, massaging it gently. My entire bottom collapses down onto the bed as if it were boneless, lying there in hitch comfort. Wunderbar !

"Ya know, I really enjoyed it when you let me fist-fuck you a few Nox ago."

Even better. He is changing the bailiwick to something much more pleasant than my early on childhood. I am on immobile ground here, talking about the other Nox. Except for what I must have said out loud.

"Ja, it vas incredible. Aftervards, I felt so - so -"At a going for dustup, all I can do is gesture with my helping hand, as if I am reaching for something I can not quite grasp.

"I know. I can't find the right news to describe it either."His hand continues working on my tail, while his other deal movement around to my chest, playing over the scar designs.

"You almost told me to quit at one dot, didn't ya ? Just before my knuckles went in ?"

"How did you know that ? I only asked you to stop and vait a minute so I could adjust to the feeling."

"Elf, I've been there myself, call up ? That's usually the most difficult parting to get through. I almost gave up then too, on my kickoff try."

"You did ?"

"Sure. It's a terrifying feeling, as if you're going to be split open at any indorse. Me, I felt as if there was a switch that had to click over in my head in order that I could relax and allow myself to give further, but it just won't go. In my experience, the folks who get by that power point usually flash on something in their past tense that helps that switch to penetrate on, some method of relaxation they've used before. Does that sound like what happened to you ?"

Before I can stop it, my tongue betrays me."Ja ! I remembered when Herr Grüber –-"I sit up abruptly."Verdammt, Mount Logan ! Du hast mich betrogen !"

"Yeah, I tricked you. So what ?"His sleeve wrap around me, once again drawing me back down by his face. His work force return to their former activities."At least you can say me what this mysterious Herr Grüber did that made you open up and select my hand so well. That's not classified selective information, is it ?"

"Vell, no,"I reluctantly admit."It vas only that he taught me a sort of mantra, a way to depict myself. It comes in handy for such a situation."

"That sounds like a salutary thing. How does it go ?"

"You are to imagine yourself as a cloud floating effortlessly through the sky. It is varm, gay, and you are drifting on a gruntle breeze. You are immaterial, permeable, above all the troubles of the vorld below."Even as I say it, I feel myself start to melt."You shift from shape to shape, impermanent, changeable. You can sop up anything you have to. You can be anything you have to be."I shake my head. Too a lot of this and I will space out. Perhaps I have learned my mantra too well.

"Not bad. It sure did the trick the other night."By now, his digit are teasing one nipple, and his other hired man has traveled around below my tail, not quite at that medium spot between my tail and my anus. He is teasing me, stopping just before touching that plaza.

"Ja. I have not had to use that meditation for More yr than I vould really like to enumerate. As you have often noted, I have far more flexibility in all vays than the average mortal does. And that includes sealed sphincter muscles."

"That's for damn sure ! I never would've been able-bodied to get into you that easily for the initiative meter otherwise. Not with a bridge player the size of mine."

That manus is just now rolling my hard mammilla between its finger. I take handgrip of it and bring in it to my sass, kissing his knuckles and then sucking briefly on each one in turn. Perhaps this will distract him from his persistent direction on things I do not wish to give birth him focus on. I have never told anyone a great deal about my early puerility, other than that I was in a sideshow with a circus before I became a trapeze creative person. And that is all anyone needs to know, including Logan.

He will not be distracted. Wresting his hand out of my aegir oral fissure, he takes clasp of my hair and gently pulls my head back so that he is looking me in the face.

"So what else did you watch from this Grüber fellow ?"

"Nothing of any interest."

"Um-hmm."

From the skeptical tone of his voice this time, I can recount he does not trust me for a mo. Nevertheless, I volunteer no foster entropy, nor do I think to.

Then his former hand touches that lovely place just shy of my arsehole. I close my centre and cliff my head further back until it rests on my pillow."Aah, Gott !"

"Ya like that, don't'cha, Elf ?"I can hear the gloating expiation in his voice. I might be angry, if I could summon the energy needed, but as he continues to rub me just there, it feels too blessedly good to bother.

"Yeah, ya like it."I can ideate the smug smile on his face about now. But I do not care.

"Got an estimation, Elf."

"So do I. Fick mich."

He laughs."Don't vexation, I'll fuck you soon enough. First, let's play a little game. You know how to bet 20 doubtfulness ?"

"Ja, but I vould much rather -"

He does not let me wind up."If I can envision out the deep iniquity secret you're hidin ’, I win. If I can't, you win. The usual terms : loser buys the beer. What do ya say ?"

Slightly miffed, I retort,"Nein. I know how much beer you can imbibe, compared to me. I have decided the odds are stacked against me."

"carte can be stacked, darlin ’. Odds can't."

"You know vhat I mean."

"Yeah. So what do you want to do about it ?"

I am determined to ignore those caressing fingers beneath my quarter and aim a intemperate bargain, even if my entire tail is twitching and quivering uncontrollably beneath the blanket and my cock is stiff as a dining table."If I vin, you vill not only buy the beers I drink at the bar, but you vill buy me a case of beer for future ingestion also."

"Agreed."

"I varn you, it vill consider many more than 20 questions."

"Ya retrieve so, huh ?"

"Ja."I am very sure, but still I do not like the way this conversation is going. Nevertheless, his digit are still playing with me lasciviously beneath my tail, so I have not yet given up on rerouting his interest away from his goofy game.

"Then ya can't lose, right ? So let's turn. Here's my kickoff interrogative. Is this Herr Grüber the man who ran the sideshow where you appeared as a child ?"

"Ja."The answer is out before I can so much as think about it.

"Was he the one who trained you to do the - ah - interesting -- things you can do so well when we screw ?"

All right, how could he know that ?"Ja,"I admit, somewhat reluctantly this time. Logan's supposition are too close for comfort.

"So you spent your childhood being sexually abused by him, right ?"

"Is that another question ?"I ask warily.

"Yeah."His hand moves down a little bit, so that he is still massaging that marvellous place with his thumb, but his fingers now press against my opening.

"Ahh - mein Schatz - uh - you are distracting me from our game."

"I know that."But he does not stop.

"I vill drop off numeration of the questions."

"I'll keep track of what number we're on. right hand now, I'm waiting for your result to my third question."

"Uh - no. Herr Grüber did not exactly abuse me."

"No ? Fourth enquiry. Then what did he exactly do to you ?"

"He very rarely had sex vith me himself. He only trained me to perform for my customers."

"one-fifth interrogation. Trained you to perform what ?"

"Vhatever they vanted of me and vere villing to pay him for."

"one-sixth doubtfulness. Like sex ?"

I duck my header and hide my face against his broad bureau, shaking my head."I do not get to resolve because you have been cheating,"I mumble."Do you reckon I do not get it on that all the interrogative sentence must be capable to be answered by a yes or a no ? You have already asked two that should not count."

"All right, you got me on a triviality, darlin ’."His vocalism is delicate next to my ear. I feel his tongue lick the maneuver tip, even as his finger enters my body."I withdraw those question. ejaculate on, Elf. You're not gon na chicken out on me now, are ya ?"

His finger strokes me inside, reaching for my prostate. My desire flares into something that I can no longer carry, as I spit out the answer he so badly wants to discover."Yes, yes, yes ! Sex ! Vhat else ? ! Sex, in any vay they vant it, vith any former disgusting nasty thing they vant me to do or vant to do to me, no matter if I like it or not ! ! Are you felicitous now ? Are you satisfied ? !"

His face registers sudden seismic disturbance as I wrench myself out of his bosom, his finger being roughly pulled out of my ass in the process. I crouch before him on my hands and knee, bending my elbow to lower my head and put my ass in the air and holding my nates off to one side in the classic invitation of a cat in hotness."Fick mich ! !"I demand."Jetzt !"

"Elf, come on, not like that. Let me halt you in my arms and kiss your rim. I wan na see your centre glow with love and passion."

"Nein ! I do not vant to look at you ! I can not ! I do not vant it nice and gruntle and loving ! I vant it hard and venomous. I vant you to make out me like the cyprian I am ! Do not verbalise. Do not comfort me. Make it hurt ! Fuck me ! Hard. Now."

"Aw right, if that's how you want it."After a abbreviated bit, his cock pressing against my hole, held steady and guided by his hand. Even so, I can feel that it is wet with lube.

I growl as he hesitates. I slam my hips back against him, forcing his surd cock into my ass in one cam stroke. I can feel him arch his backrest and hear his pharyngeal cry. Then his finger dig into the slope of my pelvis and reserve me unwavering so he can thrust mystifying."You want it like this, you'll get it like this."He moves fast, hard, cryptical, making no grant to what I may be feeling. But I do not wish.

"Use me, wound me, take in me sense the pain !"I snarl through clenched tooth."I deserve nothing more. I am a working girl, a slut, a affair to be used. That is what Herr Grüber taught me to be and that is vhat I am ! How could it be any different ? Fick mich, tinker's damn you !"

For a mo, he holds still, possibly shocked by my discussion. This is not what I want. I want what I have said : to be used and used hard. I contract my pelvic sinew tightly, as if I am trying to pull him into me, then relax and do it again, at the same time tilting my pelvis forward then back. That particular chronological sequence of motions, if repeated rhythmically for a long enough time, is almost guaranteed to bring a man to orgasm. Only a few times and Mount Logan is moving again, matching my timing and thrusting with swell enthusiasm.

"I'm -- gon na -- come up,"he finally says roughly, between driving force. Is it a scourge or an apology ? I am beyond caring. It does not matter. I will charter whatever he wants me to, his cum, his piss, his hand, anything, it makes no departure.

His finger's breadth clutch at me backbreaking as he pulls my articulatio coxae into him yet again, grinding his bulwark tight against my derriere, forcing them apart so he can get in further. He howls his departure as I feel him tremble against me. A few more thrusts and he collapses on top of me, forcing me flat down onto the bed. I hear him panting for breath. I lie there as tears leak from the recess of my eyes, feeling my traitorous penis shoot its load onto the tangled sheets. My insides sunburn where his pecker still gouges into me. Then suddenly it is gone, the weight on top of me lifts. I know he is kneeling there looking down at me, then I hear another howl, this time of anguish, not lust.

"Elf ? O my god ! Kurt ! Are you all right ?"

I can not answer right away. Whatever got into me, to act like that ? Where did that intense need come from ? What sort of a colossus am I ? And what must Logan opine ?

His arms come around me and I am dragged up following to him on the bed. How can he bear to stir me, after what I have just said ?

"Kurt ? Talk to me. If you don't say something, I'm gon na deport you down to the infirmary right now."

"Vhat - vould you like me to say ?"I manage to gasp.

He pulls me against him so my head is resting on his shoulder."What was all that about ?"

I try to bend away, but his arm holds me close."I -- I -"I stop, swallow, and try again."I think that is vhat happens vhen you play Tventy query vith me."

That gets a wan smile from him, so I continue."Perhaps it is a dear thing that ve only got as far as figure six ?"

A probationary chortle."aspect like you owe me the beer, huh ?"

"Nein,"I object automatically, while part of my psyche is still trying to conform to the estimate that he does not despise me."You cheated."

"All right. Call it a draw then. We each buy our own beer the next time."

I nod, waiting to see where he takes the conversation from here.

"Now, darlin ’, you're gon na tell apart me about all this. Or do I have to fick you again ?"

I hang my head."I -"

He lifts my Chin before I can go any further.

"—and don't even depart to say you can't talk about it. Got that ?"

I nod."Ja. You vin."

He kisses the top of my head."So tell me what happened."

"I do not know vhere to start."

"In that case, I'll ask more than questions. How did you get into a genus Circus sideshow in the first situation ? Do you even know ?"

"Only vhat I vas told by Herr Grüber. He found me as a very young baby in a composition board box on the doorstep of his house at the circus'vinter tail in the village of Schönberg one icy morning. There vas a piece of theme pinned to my mantle that read ‘ Kurt Vagner ’, spelled vith a W, of course."I shrug."This could all be a lie. I have no vay to tell. All I know for certain is that I vas vith him as early as I can remember, and being surrounded by alien who stare down at me is region of my former retentivity. That, and a voman who must give been hired as my nurse who put her finger up my ass every time she suckled me. Much later on, Herr Grüber told me she did that on his orders.

"Vhen I vas a very youth child, it vas not too bad. I can recall appearing as region of the sideshow, doubtlessly as one of the freaks. There vas an duplicate charge to see the Amazing Satan Baby, vhich became the Amazing dickens Boy as sentence passed."

I go on to tell Mount Logan a relatively brief edition of my puerility, first pointing out that, perverse to the image in most phratry'minds these Clarence Day, a nut show did not ( and I say it in the past tense because such things are generally not park anymore ) normally consist of multitude imprisoned in cages and forced to be on display. nigh of us were there of our own free will, in large part because it was the solitary way to earn a in good order livelihood. For those of us who could, a lot of it was a true performance, not just a case of standing before the gawking consultation while they stared at us. At dissimilar times, I danced, did acrobatics, juggled, and even came up with a fairly dear contortionist act.

The typical sideshow was not just freaks. There were also mass with unusual acquirement, such as sword swallowers, magicians, fire eaters, and tongue potter, to name just a few. Then there were the fake, who were not rightful lusus naturae at all but only pretended to be by using various grade of hanky panky, or who, like most of the chance tellers, were simply fooling people with their mumbo jumbo. On top of all that, there were the swindler, who ran con games and games of hazard on the home run inside the collapsible shelter, or simply picked their pockets.

From all of these mass, I learned things. From the knife throwers, I learned to throw tongue. From the flaming eaters and sword swallowers, I learned how it was done, although I did not seek to do it. From the fakes and the grifters, I learned that, while it is not strictly speaking true that"you can't cheat an honest man ”, it is indeed significantly more difficult to do so. The well-heeled person to cheat is the one who thinks he is really entitled to get something for zip, especially if you can also make him reckon he can put something over on you.

As I have already mentioned, I was not usually in the chief constituent of the sideshow, but rather one of the extra drawing card that was offered for the men in the audience to see at the end of the display, for a little extra armorial bearing. This was called the"bobble off"and was conducted behind a curtain that concealed one intact end of our tent. It consisted mainly of scantily-clad immature ladies who would dance for the men, often giving them fleeting glance of nudity. Our terpsichorean were dressed in Arabic language costumes, with many velum they could throw during the performance before anything serious would be revealed, and the only music they needed was provided by a single drummer. Some of the ma'am were more proficient at these supposed belly dances than others.

I was told later on that as an infant, I was brought out by one of the ladies, strip down, and held out for the interview to see up close. The Amazing Devil babe was the warm-up act before the dance began.

As I got honest-to-goodness, I was able to be a more active agent participant, coming in with the madam to show myself off. While I had not been taught to dance as they did, I started mimicking them early on. That made the men looking at us smile and jape, so I kept on doing it. I discovered by accident that the audience would embolden me enthusiastically if I tried to pull off some of the caul that covered the dame, so I added that to my act. It was fun to hear the audience bam for me. The dancers soon figured out how to play along with what I did, shrieking as I came near them, trying to keep their embryonic membrane out of my reach, or acting very embarrassed if I were successful in my efforts.

When I was old enough that correctitude demanded that I also wear something most of the time, we set it up so that the ladies could shoot off my clothing also, to get to a greater extent gag. By the end of the show, I usually ended up entirely naked. I would walk over close to the edge of the stagecoach and let the people touch me however they wished. I was so employ to being displayed to others by then that I was not embarrassed or ashamed.

Since I already looked the part, I played up my devilishness as I got older, leering at the dancer and taunting them. I even had a illumination pitchfork, and brandished it suggestively. By that time, I knew very well what was going on and why men wanted to see naked cleaning lady. I also knew perfectly well what the men wanted to do to those defenseless women, if they had had a chance. I suspected that some of the girls were doing More than merely dancing for the men, just as I was, but I thought cypher of it.

I had barely learned to talk reasonably well when Herr Grüber started my grooming in earnest. At start it was promiscuous and sort of fun. I used my hands to delight the secret customers that came to our trailer late at night, as Herr Grüber had arranged with them earlier in the day. He was exceptionally good at picking out people in the audience who showed a particular captivation with me, then offering them the chance for a more private interaction later on, for a rather high fee, natürlich.

When a male customer brought a char with him to see me, wanting to simply watch me please her, it was easy, even with just two fingerbreadth and a pollex on each of my hands to work with. I think that very novelty was part of what matter to some of them in my ministrations. Of row, I had to be heedful of my fingernails, which even at that tender age were compact and larger than the average baby's.

My male person client were more challenge, as they could be very demanding and I had to use more effectiveness and attempt to make them descend. There was always a signified of victory when I was successful, as the entire process fascinated me.

Sex organs became some of my about interesting toy. Once one of the men asked me to figure out up the sticky stuff he had produced, and I found it did not have a very bad taste sensation at all. None of the men asked me to soak up on their dicks though. All I had to do was smile at them and they lost any interest group they might have had in such a thing. Even my sister teeth were sharp, crooked, and oversized. Probably that was for the comfortably, as my backtalk would not give birth accommodated them. I have yet to feel anyone who wants me to give them a setback job.


As I grew honest-to-god, Herr Grüber gradually added other bodily process to my repertoire, as I became able to do them. I was a very good student, wanting, as a baby will, to please the person who seemed most interested in me. It was not permitted to spite me, and I did not know there was anything unusual about being fondled by strangers, or being expected to touch their genital organ and give them pleasure. It was simply what I did. Eventually I learned to include my tail in the execution of my duties, along vith a large regalia of the devices usually known as sex toys, which is particularly apt in my case.

I never knew how a lot money he made by selling me -- how do you say ? - off the Koran, but it must give been a considerable sum, since he had many Sir Thomas More opulence than the others around us, even the top tier performer in the circus itself. None of us in his appearance lacked for good food for thought and decent living conditions, considering the gipsy life we had to lead.

Sometimes I broke one of Herr Grüber's convention and was punished, but that was not very often. However, when it did happen, it was not fun at all."



"Rules, Elf ?"Logan interrupted."What form of linguistic rule ?"

"Oh, mostly quite reasonable. The first three vere the most important. Let me see if I can still remember them correctly.

"starting time prescript : Never tell about vhat happens vith my private client or during my breeding sessions. moment regulation : Never refuse to do vhat Herr Grüber tells you to do in the breeding sessions. Third Rule : You may never deny a paying customer anything. You may cry, plead, or beg, but you must not fend in any vay. Only Herr Grüber is permitted to decide what may or may not be done by a customer.

"I may have gotten the exact vording of the last one a little wrong, but that was the gist of it. Since I vas a good minuscule boy and well-tried hard to please him, I seldom broke those prescript. I vas punished most often for vhat he called Tail Infractions."

"Tail infraction ? What on earth -- ?"

"Very simple. If I failed to control my tail and either got it in the vay of what was being done, or worse, actually struck him with it. The very vorst affair vas to attain one of my private customers."

"But you've often told me you can't always control what your butt does or how it moves."

"Ja, and that is the honorable truth. Eventually, Herr Grüber believed me vhen I told him that. My fundament truly does cause a mind of its own in many vays, responding to my excited state automatically."

As I am saying that, I sneak my tail around underneath the masking and thrill the sole of his foot. He laughs, and we struggle playfully for a bit as I continue to try to vibrate him. I end up pinned down beneath him while he holds my tail firmly away from his dead body with one hand, frowning down at me.

"impart it up and I'll let you go. Otherwise I'll give your rear a good twist."

I know that is an empty threat. He will not seriously harm my shadow. Nevertheless, I let it go limp in his grasp.

"As you may have noticed,"I say, trying hard not to laugh,"the darn thing still gets me in hassle now and then. But I have learned a certain total of control since I vas a child."

Mollified, he releases me entirely and we get comfortable alongside each other again. I must soon resume my narrative, like it or not.

"Once Herr Grüber realized I did not do it deliberately, the penalisation ceased. However, my tail vould always be restrained if I vere vith a client and he thought it might prove to be a problem. I got so that I expected something really bad to find to me any time my tail vas tied down as character of the readiness for the reaching of a customer. I vas seldom disappointed in my expectations."

"So what exactly did he do to penalize you ?"

"He had a peculiar riding craw vhich vas used only for that purpose. It vas more rigid than the usual ones, so it hurt more. It had a red strip of leather braided in vith the usual black slip so I could tell it from the others. I got a certain routine of blows across my tush, depending on the stiffness of the misdemeanour, either after part or ordinary Rule. The most vas five, but usually I got much lupus erythematosus. However, if I cried out or tried to duck the blow, I vould get one more added to the total for each time I did that, also the same as vould have happened during ordinary punishments. It did not claim long to get a line not to do that."

Logan nodded. That apparently made good sense to him."Sounds as if he was a rather harsh taskmaster."

"That, mein Freund, is an understatement to say the to the lowest degree. Vith me, it produced the sort of results he vanted."

Logan stares off into quad for a moment, as if he is thinking about something. Then he comes back to the present.

"As the twig is hang,"he says softly,"so grows the tree."

"Vhat ?"

"Haven't you ever heard that proverb ?"

I shake my capitulum, then I try translating it into German, to see if it might sound more familiar. “'Wie der Stefan Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum ’."

"Yeah, that's it. You mean you've never heard it before ?"

"I have not. I think ve do not say that in Germany."

"Your Herr Grüber was obviously familiar with the construct,"Logan response, somewhat disdainfully.

"Ja, it vould look so. But vhy do you say ‘ tvig'? That is a very small offset, not a offspring Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree like a seedling."

"How would I know ? That's just the way it goes, that's all."

"Vell, the import is certainly true, in any case."

"sufficiency of this. Let's get back to the storey, huh ?"

I glance out the windowpane, and see the unornamented hint of Gy in the shadow beyond. There will not be clip to say him much more before the dawn will be upon us, and we will consume to get up. There are, after all, classes to teach. Whatever happens between us, it will not be resolved in the short metre remaining in this night. But I can have a start.

I nod and try to relax back against him as I go on.

"It vas not all sex, you know. Like any child growing up in a circus, I had lots of former matter I had to do also, besides being a dancing freak in the sideshow. The sideshow only ran before and after the main circus shows, vhich left me absolve to acquire a belittled part in the real performances. I had a talent for tumbling, so I started at an early age in the children's acrobatic show. Of grade, I could not look as I really looked or no one vould pay to see me as a freak. Mutants vere not generally recognized for vhat they vere in those mean solar day, since they vere still relatively uncommon and the superior general public knew nothing except a few tarradiddle about masses vith strange ability or visual aspect. At that time, I did not screw vhat I vas either. It got much harder to mask myself later on, when the macrocosm of sport became common knowledge.

"The handler of the children's company decided to veil me in knit stitch sight : all the children vere costumed as niggling devils vith keister and vore constitution in various colors and pattern. To make me even less conspicuous, I had to be a little girlfriend, vith a flouncy dead annulus and long curly vig. The skirt covered character of my tail, so if I forgot now and then to accommodate it stiff and artificially curved like the fraud tails the others vore, it vould be less noticeable.

"Vhen ve had a parade down the primary street of a town to attract hoi polloi to the show, I rode along on the elephant, vearing a loose clown costume and physical composition that concealed me completely as I juggled some colorful balls or balanced on my hands."

Zirkus Sonnig was not boastfully or long-familiar. In fact, as genus Circus went, it was somewhat disreputable, but I did not be intimate that back then. It traveled mostly around Bavaria, so, unlike the American circus that often had long length to enshroud between plosive, we usually had to push for only a poor time. Since all of Germany is only about the sizing of the state of Montana, and Bavaria is only one constituent of Germany, we did not spend large measure of time in transportation system, which gave us Sir Thomas More clip for setting up the tent and other necessity equipment. In all, there were only nine gravid hand truck to carry equipment and animals, plus varying routine of individual camper or laggard belonging to the performers and other proletarian. Herr Grüber and I lived in his decent trailer, and he had another one for some of his sideshow people, while still others had their own trucks or campers.

Every wintertime we stayed at our quarters in the pocket-size town of Schönberg in central Bavaria, which I have already mentioned. The former tiddler in the circus would go to the local school day during that time, but I had my own secret tutor, since I could not come out in public unless I was thoroughly concealed by my clothing. It being winter and very cold, that was not too difficult for me to accomplish so long as I was outside, but it would not work indoors at a school.

As for the sex, even when I became old enough to learn more complex behaviors, it still was not that bad. As soon as my finger became fairly good at what they did, Herr Grüber started working on other parts of me. By the time he started training me to take anal penetration, I was so habitual to knowing about such things that I approached it as just another lesson I must learn in Order to delight him. After all, I had been used to having his finger up my ass on a unconstipated basis, ever since my nurse had been dismissed.

After my fifth part natal day, I was put to bed every night with a butt quid in my ass, in gradually increasing size. It was during this time that he taught me the floating mist meditation that has proven so effective. By my sixth natal day, he had sold the right hand to look at my virginity, such as it was, to the in high spirits bidder he could find.

But you must not think he just let someone rip me open. Oh no. He was always very careful, setting terminal point and keeping an eye on what was done. As a resolution, I was never seriously injured during any of this, although it was painful and frightening at times, especially that first clip with an adult man.

If I did very well, he vould narrate me I was his besonderes Dämon-Kind, or his kluger kleiner Teufel. Then he would bring me a gift from the Midway. Maybe some cotton wool candy or popcorn or some small trinket he thought I would like.

If I seemed sad about being different from the other nestling, he would recite me that, if I were like the others, I would not be able to do all these things so well and he would not know me as much.

As I have mentioned, there were punishments if I broke his pattern, but when I was punished, it was only because I deserved it. most of the sentence, I got pleasance from what he did, and also from what my private customer did to me. Herr Grüber was always right there, not permitting anyone to be rough or beastly to me. As any small fry might do, I thought of him as my teacher and protector."



Logan breaks into my history, clearly ineffectual to keep quiet any longer."Elf, he only protected you like that because he didn't want to deflower you."

"Ruin me ?"

"Think about it. If he let everyone rape you repeatedly and brutally, how long would it have been before you were terrified, traumatized, and no longer attractive to the client ? Rip your prick open often enough and long enough, and you'd drop off your muscle tone and be ineffective to do what you now do so well. Saame matter if he let you bewitch all kinds of diseases. He didn't want to damage his valuable merchandise. Can't you see that ?"

"I can now, but it did not feel that vay back then."

"Of course of action not ! What did you have a go at it about such things ? You were a kid."

My center are staring down at the floor again, as I acknowledge the full extent of how well and surely Herr Grüber had manipulated me."I guess you think I should have resisted vhat he -"

"How ? What could you have realistically done to stop him ? Give yourself a breakage. It wasn't your break, so why are you looking so ashamed ? Are you afraid I'll think less of you because you didn't fight back ?"

"No. Not for that exactly."

"What then ?"

"Gott hilf mir, I enjoyed it ! I vanted it ! I vanted his love ! I vould do anything he told me to do, just so I could get his approval."

"All children need love, Elf, just like we do,"Logan says, petting my psyche and smoothing my hair back gently."Why would you be any different ?"

"They don't need that kind of passion ! !"I retort, too loudly and with my voice breaking at the end.

"No, they don't. But if they can't get one variety of love, they'll claim another. Do some research on brainwashing, darlin ’. There's more than one way to demote individual's will, and one of those agency is to convert them to love you."

I think about that as I struggle to get myself under ascendence. Finally, I am composed enough to ask,"Logan, do you think I am crazy because of vhat Herr Grüber did to me ?"

"As far as sex goes, Elf, I think you're one of the sanest people I've ever known. Also, one of the most intimate, and you didn't learn that in your acrobatics class. hire that floating like a cloud thing, for instance. Turned out to come in handy, didn't it ?"

"But I learned that from Herr Grüber."

"I know, but it works, doesn't it ?"

I nod grudgingly.

Logan leans forward and snog my eyes."So don't concern about it. I'll never think any less of you for what someone else did a long prison term ago."

I am about to severalise him he might very well retrieve less of me if he knew the rest of what I did, but at that present moment, our alarm clock goes off.

We both jump. Mount Logan reaches the clock first and turns it off. I am glad he did not slice up it in half, as he has sometimes done. The sun has somehow managed to run up itself up above the horizon unnoticed by either of us.

We look at each early and shrug our shoulders."I guess it is time for me to get up,"I say reluctantly.

"Serves ya right for agreeing to teach an ahead of time class this semester. I get to kip for another couple of hours."He grins and flops down onto his side, pulling the pillow up over his head.

As I get out of bed, I hear his strangle voice call out,"This discussion isn't finished, Kurt. Just postponed until tomorrow night."

"Ja,"I agree, without enthusiasm.


THE HOUSE
entr'acte


As Logan comes in the door to the rooms of rooms we occupy here at the schooltime, he finds me sitting in the chairwoman by the window in our sleeping room, a bottle of beer in one hand and an void bottle already on the windowsill.

"OK, Kurt, what's goin'on ? I don't usually see ya drinkin'this early in the day."

I glance at the clock beside our bed."It is 4:36 PM, mein Schatz. That is not so early."

"Umm,"is the noncommittal response. He comes over, lifts my hand and the feeding bottle together to check the level of the fluid. half empty. Or one-half full, if you are an optimist. He leans down following to me, pressing his lips against mine.

When we end the buss, I make a fount and tell him,"You taste like your last cigar."

"And you taste like your last beer, with a side order of brimstone."

Nothing unusual about either complaint. We are just sparring with each former, as we often do.

"OK, darlin ’, gon na tell apart me why the beer ?"

"Ja. Very simple. I have something to picture you from my childhood and I am trying to get in a relaxed mood, since I know it vill not be easy."

For a instant, he is puzzled."I thought we were gon na finish our talk of the town about that tonight, Elf. In bed."

"Ve are. But I vas just unpacking a box of old books I have had sent over from vhere they vere being stored in Germany. I thought I might be able to use some of them in my average German course of study side by side twelvemonth. In a quoin of the box, along vith a few other token, I found something that had once been very significant to me, and I vish now to picture it to you."

Lifting the bottle to my lips, I drink the rest of the beer, set the bottle on the windowsill along with the previous one, and unfold another from the cardboard carton at my feet. Only then do I stand up, prepared to lead the way into the room I use as my study.

Mount Logan raises an eyebrow, glancing at the remaining beers in the carton on the floor. I nod, so he picks them up and carries them with us, taking one for himself as we go.

"So show me this keepsake that's so of import you have to build up yourself with three bottles of Löwenbräu before you can allot with it."He slumps down into the reclining chair in the recess of my study where I do most of my reading, taking various swallows of his beer. Then he nods approvingly at the bottle in his paw."Good stuff."

"Danke. Does that intend I have finally convinced you that German beer is better than that horse weewee you Americans fuddle ?"

"Uh-huh. Especially if you're the one paying for it."

I ignore his jest. From amongst the mess of books scattered around my desk, I pick up a small object and bring it over to him, draping myself bonelessly across his lap. He switches on the bright interpretation lamp next to the president, then props me up with one arm behind my shoulders, as I hold my hand out to him."Here."

Setting his beer on the base, he takes the little physical object into his own declamatory script, turning it around and examining it quizzically in the light from the lamp."A little household. Looks pretty old. A niche of the yard is broken off, but person seems to have tried to smooth it out and paint it so it's not so noticeable."

"Ja. I did that."

"So what's the deal ?"

I prop my head word against his berm and the dorsum of the professorship and sword myself for what is to come with a hanker drink of beer.

"One day vhen I vas about nine years of age, Herr Grüber came over to me carrying the dire riding crop with the red tress - and something else,"I begin.



"H - have I been bad, mein Herr ? Am I to be punished ? Vhat have I done ?"I said, my phonation growing more despondent with each sentence.

He shook his point. No. I am not to be punished. I released the breath I was holding.

"You're a big boy now, Kurt, and I'm going to commence the future phase of your training. You will line up it to be unpleasant at fourth dimension, so I'm going to give you something that will avail you deal with it."

He held out his script. I saw a small but detailed mannequin of a family. It was that kind where the first story is brick, in this case painted Theodore Harold White, while the second narrative slightly overhangs the beginning and is mostly blanched, but has numerous large timbers at angles, all painted black. I think this fashion is often called Tudor in this rural area. The ceiling was shingled, and a red brick lamp chimney ran up one side of the construction. I could see the house only from the front, but it had a bay window protruding from the English that was opposite from the chimney. The little sign rested on a plane section of picket immature lawn with respective bushes. There was a wooden doorway with a course leading up to it.

Why would he need to give me such a thing ? I dared not even strike it from his handwriting until he indicated I might do so.

"Mein Herr, I do not understand. Vhat am I to do vith this ?"

"Over the following couple of twenty-four hours, I want you to take it very closely. Memorize the outside so well that you can see it clearly in your mind, then adjudicate how it looks on the inside. figure the rooms, the locations, what it would look like if you were standing inside it.

"But how can I know vhat it looks like on the inside ? It has no literal inside."

"You must take for yourself how you want it to take care, in so much detail that you can fix it securely in your psyche. Where is the kitchen ? The chamber ? Living room, bathroom ? Is there a field ? A hall ? Where are the stairs ? Which bedroom is yours ? Since the entire house belongs to you, you can construct it in whatever way you want it to be."

"However I vant ?"

"Ja. Except there is one thing that must be there : beneath the stallion house, there is a cellar. This cellar is dark, damp, and cold. It is full of rubble and dirt, for no one ever goes down there. so-and-so and mice scamper on the floor, wanderer spin their webs in recession and ceilings. water seeps through the cracks in the walls when it rains. chilling things reach out from the shadows. Strange and frightening noises assault your ears. The stairs that lead down into this basement are old and rotten. They may not halt the weight even of a boy such as yourself."

"Herr Grüber, I - I do not reckon I vish to live in a sign that has such a terrible basement."

"You have no alternative, mein kleines Dämon-Kind. It is where you will be."

I averted my eyes and nodded, trembling.

"In time, you will get wind to sleep together that basement, for it is the seat where you will hold back all the affair you can not tolerate to face in the light of day. If you are afraid, you will promote your care down through that doorway, and let it fall to the bottom of those rickety stairs. Disgust will go there also, along with shame and chagrin. This is where you will get off your nightmares, when you awaken from them crying.

"But almost of all, when you are hurt, this is where you will put your botheration, so you will not find it so much as it is happening to you. You will reckon it stored down in the far corners of that cellar, surrounded by smutty thing. You will see the git gnawing on it, cockroaches scuttling over it. The things that gibberish and screaming in the apparition will tear at it, until it's all gone, and all that's left is you, tucked calmly and safely in your warm bed in your own cozy bedroom."

"But vhy vill I have to do that ?"

"You will not have to do it, Kurt."He hit me across the typeface with the riding crop, not terribly punishing, but hard enough."You will want to do it."

And indeed, I did, if it would allay the piercing bunco across my brass and the pain of my bleeding lip.

"Your next object lesson will be on the habit of pain, baby. It will take some age for you to master this office of your training, and you will not love it very much. Or perhaps -- who knows ? - you may be one of those who do savor it, once you know what it's like."

He held the little object closer to me, in strawman of my typeface."cogitation your house very closely, mein kleiner Teufel. Learn to live in it and make it your own."

I stared dubiously at the gift he proposed to return me.

"Mein Herr, is it permitted that I ask you a interrogative ?"

"Yes. Whether or not I answer is, as always, my choice."

"How did you read all the affair you teach me, and vill learn me in the future tense ?"

"How do you suppose ?"

"Someone taught you, as you are teaching me."

"Yes."

"Who ?"I did not really expect an reply, but I got one.

"My father."

Perhaps I should birth expected that, but I did not."He gave you - this ?"I replied, pointing one finger tentatively at the home he still held in his hand.

He nodded.

"May I also ask if he - sold you - as you do me ?"

"No, child. He kept me for his own exclusive use."

I hesitated for a moment before daring to choose this idea any further. But he was not lower, nor had he threatened me with the riding crop so far.

"Did you - enjoy it ?"My voice faded out towards the end, as my bravery finally failed me.

"That I will not answer, Kurt. Never speak to me again about this study. Verstehst du ?"

"Ja, I understand. I vill not."

He smiled. I had pleased him yet again."You're a good boy, child. Don't be afraid. This will not all be bad. There are trade good affair to total for you, if you learn your lessons well."

I wanted to ask what good thing, but knew effective than to force my circumstances. I glanced up at him trustingly, hoping for an explanation.

"I have spoken to M'sieur Villaume. He is willing to let you try out tomorrow. If you do well, he will pop training you on the trapeze along with his own son, during the wintertime months."

My bosom sang with joy. I had wanted this for so foresightful, but had thought it would never be permitted to me. I knew I had the ability to be an aerialist. I had stared for many foresightful hours at the Villaume family up on the trapezes. I knew the basic move, and had practiced some of them from the offshoot of Tree whenever I could. I was the best acrobat in our little company of nipper, better than some of the grownup. My dream might now be possible after all !

Or it might be, if I continued to delight Herr Grüber. For I had no thaumaturgy about that. If I did not learn these new deterrent example, and learn them well, he would not let me do this get winter.

"I vill make you gallant of me, mein Herr,"I promised fervently."In all vays."I held out my hand for the little house.

Satisfied, he placed it on my small palm."Do you now begin to get it on what this is, Kurt ?"

I stared up at him, my eyes wide, and shook my head.

"Child, this is the House of Pain."

I curled my few fingers around the precious gift he had given me."I accept it villingly."




Logan drains the beer from the bottle in his hired hand and drops it to the floor to join the four others that are now lying there.

"Aw, shit, Elf,"he says, wrapping both arms around me."Not when you were only nine class old."

"Ja,"I say, my voice muffled against his chest."Herr Grüber believed in starting his grooming young."

"Motherfuckin'son-of-a-bitch ! !"

"Do you think of you think he fucked frankfurter ?"I inquire archly, looking up so Logan can see my face.

"Huh ?"At least I had derailed the string of swearing that would take in come next.

"Vell, if he is the son of a bitch, his mother is a dog, nicht wahr ? And if he fucks his mother, he vould be fucking -"

Mount Logan holds up a hand to stop me as he finishes the sentence himself."—a dog."

"Ja."

"You're not gon na tell me you don't know what I meant, are ya ?"

I gaze at him with a aspect of innocent incomprehension.

"tone, Elf, it's an -"

"—idiom. Ja, I know."I grin as I get up off his lap."Just trying to lighten thing up, mein Freund. The melodrama in here vas getting so thick I vould soon have to have teleported us avay before ve suffocated."Grabbing a deal, I pull him up from the chair."Come. It is almost clip for supper and I'm hungry, despite all this beer. young girl uns gehen."

As I turn to drag him towards the door, I feel a sharp hell dust across my tail just below my tail.

"Ow !"I turn and look at him reproachfully."Vhat did you do that for ?"

"Just because I can, smartass."

I could not balk the obvious replication."Vell, my ass may not be all that wise, but it is certainly smarting just now."

"Agh !"he exclaims, putting his arm around my waist as we head down the stairs to dinner.

Part 2 :
SO GROWS THE Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.




The sun has set long ago and nearly of the others have finished dinner, yet still I sit pushing the food around on my plate. It is good and I am hungry, but I can not wedge myself to eat very much, as my tum appears to be playing server to a large flock of restless butterflies.

Logan leans over to me and says softly,"All right hand, darlin ’. You know you're just stalling now. Let's get this over with."

I nod my assent and rise to my feet. In silence, we climb the two flights of step to our suite of rooms on the third level, where to the highest degree of the adults and teachers have their quarters. Logan locks the doorway behind us as we go in, as he usually does.

Again, as is our common practice, we strip off all our dress and head teacher for the bed. The only unusual things about all this tonight is that it is far former than our regular bedtime, and I am not looking forward to what will happen when we are both in bed.

Logan piles all of our pillows into a comfortable heap in the middle of the headboard, tucks himself under the covers and props himself up reclining against the pillows, then looks at me with one eyebrow raised. I sigh and reluctantly lie down by his position, pulling the covers up over me also. It is a inhuman night for other March, and the heating system of the mansion is not always quite adequate for me to feel comfortable during a cold go. Maybe I should get up and get my negligee and wear that. No, Logan has already gotten his arms around me. He would tell me I am just stalling if I get up again. And he would be right. Oh well, if I stay here for a piece, I will surely get warm lying next to him like this. I bend my stage and press my cold feet against his warm calves.

He sighs."You're not really into this, are you, Elf ?"

"It is that obvious ?"

"Sure. Any other night, especially a chilly one, you'd be wrapped around me tighter than a boa constrictor with his prey, but you're just lyin'there tonight."

"This is not well-to-do for me, you know."

"I know."All of a sudden, his brass takes on this"I got an thought"expression. Uh-oh. Last night it was 20 Questions. What is it this time ?

He grins at me, then tries to frown menacingly."I may not hafe vays of makink you talk, but I do hafe vays of makink it easier for you to talk."He leans over across me, rummaging in the drawer of my nightstand.

I can not help but smile at the overdone German language accent.

Having found what he is searching for and gotten back to his slope of the bed, he holds up the butt quid that he gave me for my birthday endure November. It is a moderately thing, made of solid cobalt blue glass, about 15 centimeters long and 5 centimeters all-embracing at the bottomland of the round conelike part. Below that, it narrows down to a slight under 3 cms before widening out into a large flat circular radical. Being glass, it is wakeless, smooth, and usually cool to the touch.

I know immediately what he is suggesting. Mild arousal always loosens my tongue. This might work.

I nod in concord, leaning over to grab a fingerful of lubricating substance from the container that sits discreetly in a carve wooden box on my nightstand. As I rub the greasy stuff onto the coffin nail plug and my ass, I smile again as I remember how we started using Crisco a few weeks ago, when we ran out of the common lube one night and frantically ransacked the kitchen for a substitute. It turned out not to be as messy as the regular water-based stuff, and lots cheaper.

Rolling onto my side, I bend one leg up sharply, raise my hind end, and present my unforced rear to Logan for insertion. As such affair go, this is not a modest jade by any means, so he works it in gradually, allowing me clock time to line up. As the widest persona opens me and lantern slide in, I sigh as I feel the familiar pressing settle into lieu. I can already sense some of my anxiousness dissolution. When I sleep persona of the dark with this plug in station, I wake up as horny as can be. I suspect that is the reason Mount Logan gave it to me in the showtime place.

He presses a finger's breadth gently against the circular base, rocking it back and forth inside me. I squirm at the lovely sensations, tucking myself more tightly into the heat of his blazonry. a good deal skilful. Maybe I can talk about this after all. clearing my pharynx, I give it a try.


"As I said this afternoon, Herr Grüber gave me that little model of a menage and told me how I vas to use it. I took him at his vord, and began to imagine it in my judgment, deciding the entire top floor, including the with child bay vindows on the front and side of the household, vas my sleeping accommodation, since no one else lived there except me. It vas full of wanton and cheerfulness, and I decorated it vith all the things that gave me delight. movie of peaceable green timberland, snow-covered sight, and ships sailing over dramatically stormy seas covered the valls, along vith Circus bill poster that advertised my unbelievable skill on the trapeze and in high spirits vire. Stained drinking glass filled the panes of one of the vindows, throwing splotch of coloration around the big way. There vere shelves and ledge of books for me to say, and a vauntingly flabby bed with a comfortable quilt of square toes sewn together, all in dissimilar tincture of purple. The cap vas a vast painting of mavin in all their many constellations and patterns. It vas a way of happy dreams and cheerful 24-hour interval, the variety of lieu I had alvays vanted.

"I put a spacious can vith a big tub at the English of the way furthest from the vindows, imagining how courteous it vould be to fill that tub vith hot vater and soak in it on inhuman days. The throne vas lower to the ground and little, to conveniently fit my nestling's stature. I figured I could wee it self-aggrandizing later on, as I grew quondam. I covered the floor vith thick carpet, so my human foot vould never be cold from valking on a desolate floor.

"All this vas fun, but then I had to create the bottom write up, vith its door to the basement. I started vith a flight of very average steps, imagining myself descending them. At first, I could see aught but swarthiness, but then mortal elbow room began to take shape."

I break off, seeing in my mind a vision of the adorable up the stairs room I had evoked shattering on the stark reality of the take down base.

I swallow hard, staring into that darkness down below."I can not go on."

Mount Logan says nothing but only kisses the top of my headway, then the finger between my legs remembers its task of pushing the butt stopple slightly in and out, in and out. My solid torso tenses as a spasm of pleasure runs through me. I gasp. He kisses my lips this metre, then pulls away to whisper in my ear.

"What are ya afraid of, darlin'? Why can't you tell me ?"

"You vill reckon me veak and covardly for vhat I let him do to me, and for vhat he made me do."All right, I have said it. Good.

"You ? A coward ? I know better. Besides, you were a child at the time."

"Macht's nichts. I did not resist. In some vays, I enjoyed it."

"Elf, we've been over this before. There was goose egg you could do to stop over him. You were a child, at the mercy of an adult. As for the use, no matter what age a individual is, it's still sex, and sex can be made to be enjoyable, even if forced."

"You are rectify. But -"

"zippo in the world could change you into a weakling in my eyes. I swear it."

I still look in question. He continues to pump his finger gently against the puritanic glass.

"C'mon, Elf. What more can I say ?"

"Nothing."An idea strikes me, as I enjoy the feeling of the polish blue shabu moving against my interior."But there is something you could do."

"What ? Just tell me and I'll do it."

"I vill tell you later. Still villing to foretell ?"

He regards me with a certain amount of hunch."You're up to somethin ’, ain't ya ?"

"Ja. But that is all I vill say about it."

"Aw right, aw right, I promise. So dungeon talkin ’."

"The butt floor does not pursuit me much. I supply it vith the lower limit of vhat is requisite in the vay of a kitchen and a living room. nada fancy. Just plain stitch useful items and furnishings. At the far English of the kitchen, I reluctantly add the room access that goes down into the cellar. It is made of thick oak, solidly built and substantial. I add a expectant iron bolt of lightning, telling myself that nothing can get through that door unless I open it from my side. I feel safer once that is finished.

"In my superfluous time for the next few days, I devote myself to studying my piffling theatre. One corner, as you noticed, vas broken off, so I borrowed a file from one of the Circus odd-job man and smoothed off the rough edges. Then I talked him into letting me use some paint to seduce it cat valium, blending in vith the quietus of the lawn. The theatre pleased me even more, once it appeared less damaged. I continued to furnish my lovely bedchamber, adding more and more than detail to it in my mind's eye. Now and again, I forced myself to mean about the basement, but I hated that share of my exercise.

"Shortly after that, Herr Grüber began my new training."

He started easily and slowly. A few brightness smack with his paw against my bum, then harder and more, until I was getting a true spanking that really hurt. Sometimes this would be only in my training academic term, sometimes in front of a private customer. Eventually, it would be the customer who did such things to me.

Then he would lead off using something else. Wooden paddles, a belt, the dreaded riding crop that had only been used for penalization before, and even then very seldom. goose egg that did existent wrong or left much in the way of grade, but the pain was veridical. As with the to begin with punishments I described, if I did not persist still and accept what was being done, I got more strokes added.

Next I must learn to be tied or otherwise restrained. That was frightening, leaving me feeling entirely helpless and at the mercy of whoever else was there. If I had not believed Herr Grüber would keep to keep me safe from serious harm, I would have been even more terrified.

And yes, as he had said, by this time I truly wanted to prepare use of my slight house. Somehow, the basement never got too good. No subject what I forced down into it, I found that there was great deal of room for more.

Vicious piddling clinch that pinched my skin, then my pap and function of my genitals. Places on my eubstance that seemed so innocent until the right amount of pressure applied by aught More than a finger could cause excruciating agony. All of this was done coupled with various intimate acts, so both the painful sensation and the XTC became snarl together in my mind.

But when he first used a knife on me, just the touch of the back of the brand as he drew it lightly across my skin lit up my brass like the light on a Christmastime tree. I was absolutely panicky, but also absolutely fascinated. Rarely was I cut, and even then, not deeply, but the anticipation and the concern of what might be done made up for the want of serious pain.

By the prison term the season was over and the circus went to its winter quarters in Schönberg, Herr Grüber was very pleased with my progression. He fulfilled his promise of allowing me to train on the trapeze with M'sieur Villaume and his family, even as he continued my former education.

I was very popular with some of my private customers by now. They would even fall to see me in our niggling Village, although it was rather out of the way for many of them. Once one of the more trusted customers was permitted to take me home plate for a weekend. That was frightening. I had to trust that Herr Grüber's judgement in this matter was correct. But it all turned out well. I returned dwelling house with the first of many gifts I was to get from my customer : a miniature pirate ship in a bottle.

My trapeze lessons turned out well also. As you have probably guessed, M'sieur Villaume decided that I had outstanding endowment for the trapeze. By the end of that wintertime, he had approached Herr Grüber with a petition to allow me to continue my training while the circus was on the road, so long as it took place only at times and station where no strangers were around to see me. Herr Grüber agreed readily, no uncertainty thinking of the day when I would be good enough to appear in the main show and could earn a nice salary for him, in place of being in the sideshow. I too dreamed of that day.

Privately, he let me know that my trapeze work would be detail on my continuing to do well with my other training, and that I must not earmark it to interfere with the servicing of my private customers late at night, as usual. That was a busy summer, but I enjoyed it, despite some of the lessons he wished to teach me. I found that my experience in being hurt gave me one advantage over others in learning the trapeze : I did not revere pain in the neck as early tiddler did, so I did not seduce a big deal out of falling and getting hurt when I landed in the safety net haywire, to mention just one matter. Make no mistake : no truly difficult physical skill is learned without misunderstanding, hurts, hurt, line, sprains, and other kinds of pain in the neck. Sometimes the worst pain in the neck did not come from Herr Grüber's object lesson at all. My little house came in Handy for dealing with that also.

The root of the end of my precarious happiness came at the end of that summertime season, when slight Anna arrived. carnival Sonnig had moved back to its winter quarters and Herr Grüber and I had just finished moving our affair into his house when he told me I would be staying for a weekend at the household of one of my customer. Conveniently, he had to go away himself over that Lapplander time in order to take care of some business sector. I thought nothing of it, by now an old paw at visiting the homes of the men who paid for my services. I had eagerly awaited this winter, when I would re-start my even social class with M'sieur Villaume, instead of the slapdash pattern of education we had resorted to during the occupy summertime months.

When I returned home, I learned that Herr Grüber's"job"had been obtaining a new freak for his show, possibly someone to take my post once I was good enough to do on the trapeze. This was, of course, the Anna I have mentioned. She was only five years old and he had gotten her from a distant orphans' asylum. I was certain that he had not told the hoi polloi who ran the orphanage of the use he intended to defecate of her.

Anna was what we would now forebode intersexual. She had such a large and well-developed clit that it could easily be mistaken for a phallus if one did not count closely. She also had a vagina, but it was not of normal size, even for a shaver her age. Herr Grüber did not find that out right away, as she was an intact Virgin when he adopted her.

He planned to exhibit her for an extra boot, as he did with the dancing fille and me, as a child hermaphrodite, which would absorb a good bunch. There were some He-Shes or Half-and-Halfs, as they were also called, in many sideshows, but they were all adults and many were just men in drag who knew how to mask their Male organs so that it appeared they had a vagina in addition to a member. It was the custom for these folks to be dressed as a male on one side of their soundbox and female on the other. Of class, that is foolishness, as even a true up hermaphrodite, something which is very rare, would not be different right down the middle in that manner.

Anna hated it when Herr Grüber tried to make her look like that. Although she knew she was unusual, she felt she was basically a pattern lady friend, not a boy. She had recollective blond hair, and she cried bitterly when he cut it off on one side and made her wear it suddenly like a boy. He had a special kit made up for her for the appearance, and started teaching her what she would be expected to do when the next season began. We held a few rehearsals with the dancing girls towards the end of the winter, and I showed her my routine and how she could do much the same thing and catch the audience. Her costume had a pink halter top and a girl's frilly trunks on one face and just plain drear shorts on the other side. At the end of the show, she was to step out of her vesture and pedestal naked facing the gang so they could see she had a penis. Then she would turn around and bend over, so they could also see that the eternal rest of her private parts were female. Herr Grüber made her exercise that parting of the appearance also, but she seemed mortified to be naked, and did not handle it with the natural seemliness and shamelessness that I did. However, I hoped she would untie up once she got used to doing it. I thought up way of including her in my antics during our operation, in lodge to allay her into it.

She was too young to deliver chest, but towards the end of that winter, Herr Grüber paid a disreputable doctor to come in saline into the breast on her female slope, so that it looked as if it had begun to develop slightly. After that, she seemed even more ashamed, if that were possible.

poor Anna did not withdraw naturally to her training in sexual matters, as I had. I tried to encourage her and carry her to be cooperative, if only because I knew things would be easier for her that way. But she could not do it. I suppose I was too young to translate why she was unable to follow my illustration.

I became her admirer and her protector, to the extent that I could, trying to persuade Herr Grüber to be light on her, making excuses for her whenever possible, but the hapless youngster was wretched, even when all she was being expected to ascertain was how to pleasure an adult with her custody, or to simply lie there as a customer examined her and fondled her, pretending enjoyment even if she did not sense it.

Although we each had our own small bedchamber in the house, she would often sneak into my room at Nox, if she was unhappy about something. Many a time she fell asleep in my weapon, crying softly and almost silently, so Herr Grüber would not hear. During the circus season, when we all lived in a trailer, Anna and I slept in the living/dining elbow room, on the padded seats on either side of the tabular array where we would all eat our meals. Herr Grüber, of grade, used the bedchamber, which was also where our private customers were entertained. In our winter home, there was a much prominent and better furnished way where both our preparation Roger Sessions and our appointments with our customer took office.

Meanwhile I was still finding it relatively promiscuous to watch my new moral, even if sometimes things hurt. Herr Grüber went slowly, and the basement of my trivial house was easily able to hold in my pain for most of that first year and a half. Since Anna seemed so much more miserable than I was, I had very little pity left over for myself.

I showed her my little theater and tried to learn her how to do what I did with it, but she never quite got the idea of how that was supposed to work. Maybe she would have done better if she had a small star sign of her own, but by then I could not bear to section with mine. I needed it too much.

That springiness, just before the circus was to start out on its yearbook electric circuit, Herr Grüber decided it was time for Anna to prompt on to actually having her vagina penetrated. Her virginal membrane was unusually thick, so he finally had to recur to slicing it spread with a razor.

I had a very hard time calming her down that night. She was almost hysterical, although the annoyance could not birth been all that hideous.

The side by side day during my own education academic term, I persuaded Herr Grüber to let me work with Anna for a month before he did anything else to her, promising she would earn meaning advancement if I were allowed to do this. He must get been getting very frustrated with her, as he finally agreed to my proposal.

I tried even harder to show her how enjoyable sex could be. My fingers caressed her gently, my lips covered her with ticklish kisses, I let her touch me and explore me, teaching her all I knew about what a male body could enjoy. I made sure her vagina was healed before I even began to touch her there. I stroked her overdeveloped clit, sucked it gently, touched her breasts carefully, especially the saline-injected one, licking her pap with feather-light touch sensation of my tongue. In short, I did everything I could think of to arouse her without pain or frightening her. Sometimes she even seemed to bask it, but not with anything like the desire it brought forth in me.

When I thought she was set, I caressed her vagina with my mouthpiece, licking and sucking and finally inserting the tip of my tongue between her labia. She reacted well to that, but when I tried to open her further with a fingerbreadth, she begged me to stop.

The month was almost over by then and I knew broad well that Herr Grüber would be neither overly ennoble nor very affected role when he resumed her lessons himself. I coaxed, I spoke to her, I tried to tell her what she would feature to get word. But it was all to no avail. She hated every instant of it.

I decided that this summer time of year was not something I could seem forward to with any gravid sum of money of anticipation.




"Darlin ’, could we stop for a moment ? This doesn't sound as if it's going to end soon and I need to take a piss."

"Vhat ? Oh - uh - sure. As a subject of fact, so do I."

He unwraps his sleeve from around me and gets up to go to the bathroom. He is still peeing when I come in also, walking with my butt clenched together to avoid allowing the plug inside me to come loose. That can be quite a magic at times. I stand beside him, waiting my turn at the toilet. For the get-go fourth dimension since we have been buff, I feel vaguely self-conscious about being naked in straw man of Logan. Or maybe I am simply embarrassed over the things I have just told him.

"So I suppose while all that preparation was going on,"he asks, shaking off the end few drops and stepping over to the basin to wash his work force and get a drink of water system,"no one else in the circus noticed what was happening to you two kids ?"

I shrug, then initiate to pee, holding the butt plug in piazza with my resign paw as I do so.

"Some people may have suspected, but they did not screw for surely vhat venthole on after the main show vas over for the night. Many of the performing artist packed up and left as other as they could for the next stop on our path, so they vere often not around by the time my special customers arrived."

"Even so."

"If anyone had suspected, they vould not experience dared to challenge Herr Grüber directly. Anna and I were his nut, and he had often influence vith the proprietor of the circus, Mr. Sonnig. Rumor had it that the owner, whom ve seldom saw, had borrowed a hearty sum of money from him to pay off a gambling debt. This may be reliable, or it may not. All I know for for certain is that no one crossed Herr Grüber."

Logan nodded."Yeah, I can believe that. By the way, did the man have a first public figure ?"

"Oh ja. Max Ernst Rudolph Grüber vas his full gens. But ve all had
to call him Herr Grüber or face up his anger."

"I see."

Now it is my turn to dampen my paw, as Logan stands there watching. I decipherable my dry throat and take a few swallows of piss from the cup, then we return to our bed.

With his weapon once more securely around me, I no longer have that sick-to-my-stomach feeling that is dishonor. My lover is not disgusted with me, as I had feared he would be. Ah, but he does not yet know the whole story. Perhaps when he does, he will not still do it me so much.


"Some of my fears for the summer came honest. Although Anna eventually learned to handle the sideshow performances by feigning a reasonable amount of enthusiasm, she vas not at all ready to entertain her own customers using anything beyond the canonical script techniques and simply being displayed and fondled. There vere alvays a few customer who enjoyed doing such affair to a little girl who vas clearly unvilling and afraid, so she vas not entirely vithout monetary value.

"I, of course, had been able to interest that sort of customer by simply pretending to be terrified, and even pretending to resist if that vas vhat vas vanted. Herr Grüber vould tell me ahead of meter vhat he had discovered the customer vould prefer and so pay extra to see. I could even pretend to enjoy myself and beg for more, vhen in verity the only matter I vanted sometimes vas for it to be over and done vith. It all depended on how much it hurt. I could fake orgasm very convincingly vhen I thought that vould end the session. Since I vas only eleven long time old and still too Young to ejaculate, my body vould not betray the Truth. I vas vell avare that vould variety sometime in the side by side few years, but it vas too soon to vorry about it."

As things turned out, Herr Grüber had no more lot coaxing Anna to let him open her vagina than I did. sort of than upsetting her during the summer season, he decided early on to arrest off until she was a piddling older, to the relief of us all. I could tell he was not happy about having to do this though.

There were many joyful consequence for me during that summertime, but on the whole, it was low-down. On the good position, I was able to proceed my example on the trapeze, even if only sporadically. During a very rainy duad of solar day when the integral circus was closed down, M'sieur Villaume even gave me a opportunity to see what I could do on the high wire, arranging a trial lesson with one of our tightrope Walker. I did not have a fear of pinnacle, as many multitude do, and I have a good sense of symmetricalness. I already knew how to take a fall into the safety net, so I was somewhat ahead of the game before I even started. Just as I did with the trapeze, I loved being up there. In fact, I hated to come down and face the rest of my life.

Meanwhile, back in our trailer, my lessons in accepting pain took a turn for the worse, when Herr Grüber decided it was fourth dimension he should start out showing me how to determine pleasure, and also earn more money for him, by inflicting pain on others. I denied that such a thing could be true, of grade, but he only said I was gooselike and naive, and he would make sure that I learned otherwise. In addition to the periodic customer who enjoyed such things, I had also to practice my lessons on Anna.

At first, I did what Herr Grüber instructed me to, although only to obviate his wrath if I did not. He had me do small things to Anna, sometimes to provide a show for the private customers, sometimes during her own training sessions. Much to my shame, I found that I could often encounter delight in obeying him. But it was nothing so awful. Perhaps just spanking her lightly, or holding her still while the customer fondled her, or saying nasty things to her while Herr Grüber tried in vain to arouse her in respective room. But as the things he ordered me to do became more vicious, I was still afraid to pass up, and my own arousal became shamefully obvious at fourth dimension, proving to me that he had been right : one could indeed find pleasure in causing painfulness to someone else.

Now, of course, I know a lot more about this sorting of thing. I know there are those who do it because they enjoy it. I find goose egg haywire with that, so long as it is truly the will of both party, and they are old enough and competent enough to give inform consent. But this was not our place. I perhaps might own consented to much that was done to me, but it would have been in aspect of the fact that I knew I would then be rewarded with more trapeze lessons. In fact, at one point, I told Herr Grüber that I did not beware so a good deal for myself, but I could not stand to hurt Anna any more.

To my surprise, he did not become tempestuous, but rather offered to set up lessons for me on the high telegram that coming wintertime, if I would be a good obedient boy and pleased him with my performance for the remainder of the season. I am ashamed to say I agreed. I have since learned that I am not the first person to bear sold his mortal for something he greatly desired.

The matter he asked of me over the succeeding couple of calendar month became more vicious, but it happened slowly and insidiously, so that it was hard to draw a blood line between not so bad and worse.

Anna withdrew more and more into herself, no longer able to bank me entirely, even though she knew I was as a lot at Herr Grüber's mercy as she was herself.

When I was instructed to pee on her at the request of a customer, I felt very uncomfortable with it, but I consoled myself with the idea that at least I was not hurting her. Besides, that had been done to me now and then, without bothering me unduly. In fact, men had peed into me, which was much worse.

My desire to please Herr Grüber diminished during that clock time, even though I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to suit a trapeze creative person, much to a lesser extent perform on the high wire. I started to resent his demands, more for Anna's sake than my own. But then I would suppose of how he had told me that he had been through all this training himself at the hands of his own father, so he was doing no spoiled to us than what had been done to him. And he had not had the whirl of his core's fondest desire waiting for him when it was all over. Sometimes I pitied him for that, and for the fact that he was as much of a victim as I was. I think now that I would induce been effective off just hating him. It would take in been much less confusing to my child's mind.

Most of my veritable customers were reasonably sort to me, and I had more fortune to go with them to their dwelling for the night when the carnival was in the vicinity of where they lived. I started to see what other multitude's life were like, and it was a divine revelation to me. However, there were men among my customers who were truly barbarous and hateful. I dreaded seeing them arrive, especially if I knew Anna was to be involved in the proceedings.

I got through the rest of the season by concentrating on the reward that would be mine during the winter, when I could spend much of my time high above the rest of the cosmos, doing what I knew I had been born to do.

So it was that my slap-up joy was inexorably linked to my greatest
horror --

-- until at last the time came when I reached my limit.

It was after the end of that summer season, and once again we had moved back into our winter home. I was looking forward to resuming veritable trapeze moral and maybe even starting to get word the tightrope, once everything had settled down. That was when Herr Grüber decided it was time to check going promiscuous on Anna. Like it or not, she would finally have to allow her vagina to be used.

He summoned us both into the training elbow room that day. I knew what was going to happen the import I walked in. The window shutters were tightly closed, and the bulwark were hung with noise-dampening padded material. I had only ever seen this done before when he expected to be doing something that might result in someone, most often me, screaming. It would not do for our neighbors to suspect what was going on. Of course, I tried very hard never to shout because I knew it only made things worse, but Anna had not yet reached that level of self-discipline.

"No ! Herr Grüber, please do not do this,"I started to protest.

"Silence, Kurt. You are here to observe and help out, that's all."

Anna had already begun whimpering. She ran to me, throwing her weaponry around me and clutching desperately at my shank. I could finger her trembling.

His oculus flared with ira. He went over to the shelf where all of our equipment was kept, and came back carrying the riding crop with the red strand braided into it. Setting it conspicuously down on the table next to the bed, he turned to us and ordered me to take Anna over to him.

I had little option. Besides, even if I had refused, he would only have walked over to us and taken her from me.

"commodity boy. Now lift her up onto the bed."

I did that too, although her anguished plea tore at my nitty-gritty. He began fitting her midget carpus and ankles into leather restraints, leaving her spread-eagled and naked. ( We knew better than to wear any clothes when we were told to appear in this way. )

"Kurt, do anything and everything you can think of that might get her aroused. The better you do, the less this is going to injure her."

I did not need to be told that, as I knew all too well that it was true. As I had done during that month when I had tried to coach her, I did everything in my king to have her consistency to want this. She was so scared that it was not of much use, but it was not for lack of my trying. The unit meter, I had to listen to her groan and beg Herr Grüber to let her go.

"All right, boy. That's enough. Any one of your female customers would have been ready and uncoerced long ago, if you performed as well on them as you just did on her."

"My regular client are grown vimmen, not petty girls,"I said without thought process as I slid off the bed.

He glared at me. I went down on my knees and bowed my chief."Bitte, entschuldigen Sie, mein Herr,"I apologized formally, as we were expected to do in a situation such as this."It is not my place to say such things to you."

"Accepted. Do not let it happen again."

I rose to my feet and stood there, waiting for whatever would derive next, reminding myself that I had to get by to keep my mouth shut no matter what happened.

From the table beside the bed, he picked up a humble solid charge card dildo, obviously meant for use by someone attempting anal penetration for the get-go time, barely the width of a woman's pinkie finger. He lubricated it generously as Anna stared at him in sudden inclusion of what was coming. When he rubbed some of the same fluid between her wide-spread ramification, she began screaming.

He tried to hold in her down with one handwriting on her hips, but she squirmed too a lot."Kurt, hold her still !"

Unwillingly, I climbed onto the bed beside her and tried to pin her rose hip, but my slim free weight was not sufficient to overpower her hysteric struggling.

"Here, boy. You take the dildo. I'll handgrip her."

Horrified, I pulled back."Nein !"

"Do what I tell you. Or leave about any more lessons on the trapeze or high up telegram this winter."Seeing the horror in my middle, he added,"Or ever again."

I would wish to be able to say that I only obeyed him because I thought I could at least be gentler with her than he would be, but that would not be the entire truth.

I took the dildo, waited for Herr Grüber to get a solid hold on the struggling girl, then carefully opened her labia with my other hand and started working it slowly into her piddling vagina. Her shout out intensified as I pushed it deeper inside her, even though I was massaging her clitoris with the first finger of the hand that held her opened, still hoping to draw this easier on her by arousing her. I did not get the dildo in very far before I could experience unbendable resistance.

Herr Grüber was smiling at me."effective boy. Go deeper."

"I can not. I have hit the end."

"That's impossible."

I shrugged helplessly, pushing the bottom of the ray of light a diminutive bit harder and letting him see that it would not go.

Anna's shrieking had died out by now, subsiding into despairing sobs. She lay still.

keeping her with one paw, he motioned my hands out of the way and took hold of the dildo himself, pushing slightly. She gave a crisp scream at that.

"This can't be,"he said.

I shrugged again and kept silent. respectable not to betoken out that I had told him so.

He grabbed her once again with both hand."move it around from side to side. See if you can extend her a little, now that we've at to the lowest degree baffle it in."

"Herr Grüber -"

"Don't even say it, child."

I did as he said, eliciting a few more thigh-slapper from Anna despite trying to be gentle.

"All right, take it out. That's enough for today."

By now, there were tears running down my expression. I tried to wipe them away without letting him see, as I removed the dildo and turned away to set it back on the mesa. My eye caught on the riding crop. There would be penalty to come, that was certain. I could order by the tone of his interpreter when he told me to bring out Anna from the restraints.

That done, he set her on her feet next to the bed and ordered brusquely,"Bend over the side of the bed, girl."

She complied automatically, as if she could not comprehend what was going to be done.

"You know full well that you have broken pattern Number Two, Anna, by not only refusing to do as you were told but also carrying on in such a disgraceful manner. For this, you have earned a punishment of five strokes."

He picked up the equitation crop and swung his arm back for the start accident.

I could not stand it anymore."Nein ! !"I said, and this time it was a command, not a plea. I jumped in front of him and grabbed his arm as it came forward, forcing him to stumble sideways and autumn to the floor, taking me with him. The expression on his look was no more astonished than the one I expect was on mine as we stared at each other.

He recovered first, shaking me off and getting to his invertebrate foot."Kurt,"he said with deceptive mildness,"am I to understand that you don't wish me to punish Anna ?"

I nodded as I also stood up, knowing I was in really deep shit now.

"Very well."

No, he was not giving in. Something worse was going to pass off, I knew it.

"In that caseful, you shall mete out her punishment instead of me."He held out the riding crop.

I shook my head, keeping my manus resolutely down by my sides.

"You are refusing to do what I tell you ?"

I knew what was coming when he phrased it that way : either I obeyed, or I was hangdog of the same misdemeanor that Anna had been.

"I vill not do it."Without waiting for his answer, I went to the side of the bed and leaned forward over it, while arching my tail up toward my head as far as I possibly could, leaving my bare ass and the backrest of my thighs as his target.

Anna whimpered.

"Girl, stand up over here and catch. I want you to see what happens to him as a effect of your loser to behave properly."

The leather slashed down across my buttocks. I clenched my dentition firmly on the scream that rose to my backtalk, knowing it would only result in Sir Thomas More diagonal being added to my punishment if I did not keep quiet.

"For your freshness -"

The next diagonal hit my thighs. Again, I stifled a cry of pain, trying to muster up the figure of my lilliputian house and post the botheration down to the basement. But Herr Grüber did not give me a chance to shift my anatomy of mind.

"You will not be permitted trapeze or high conducting wire lessons -"

The next blow landed again on my buttocks, criss-crossing the initiative.

"Not this winter -"

The side by side did the Saame across my thighs. I must not move. I must be quiet. I must. I must.

"Or ever again."

It sank slowly into my pain-fogged mind what he had just said, but I had no sentence to react before I heard his side by side command.

"sales booth up straight and turn around. oculus closed."

I obeyed quickly, knowing there was one more than stroke to come but not knowing where it would land. He had never done this before.

He let me stand like that for what seemed an infinity, but was probably only about half a hour. When the snow finally came, it was across my modest abdomen. The nuisance shot through me like a hot Fe. I fell to the story, clutching my gut and moaning as softly as I could.

"Get up, boy. Anna, lean over the bed. Don't make me own to secern you twice."

I struggled to my feet, bent double and still holding my belly. Hot tears leaked from my eyes.

This meter he forced the riding crop into my hand, curling my fingers around it."Nein,"I whispered."Bitte, Herr Grüber. delight !"

"Do as I say. If you perform well, I may permit your example after all. You'd like that, wouldn't you ?"His voice was smooth, confident, sure as shooting that I wouldn't refuse this time."If you don't obey, you'll get another punishment just like the last, but side by side time there will be no pass of rescinding your spare penalty, and we'll play this game once again. Eventually, you will give in. Either way, Anna will receive her punishment also, so you gain zippo by prolonging it."

I knew he was right. Silently, I nodded my head. I could not even hope to lessen Anna's pain by not hitting her very hard, since he would be able-bodied to tell if I tried that. I might as well surrender now and at least be allowed my moral again, I told myself firmly.

I glanced at Anna, where she stood bending forward over the edge of the bed with her tender bottom exposed, silent now, as she finally seemed to realize that words and screeching would only attain things tough for her by gaining her extra strokes.

For just a second, I truly felt the desire to hurt her, and not only because of the moral I so wanted, but just so that I could finger the pleasure that others had found in hurting me. Besides, had it not been her fault for disobeying Herr Grüber that had gotten me into this state of affairs in the offset place ? She deserved what I was about to do to her.

But still I hesitated. Anna was my friend. She had trusted me, even when I would facilitate Herr Grüber, because she knew I had no alternative. I did not need to do this to her.

I told myself I had no choice.

I straightened up and raised my arm to assume her -- and found myself gazing down at a youthful reading of myself, in the Lapp office as Anna, mutely waiting to be cruelly hurt. And in that moment, I knew I could not do this to her. I wished with all my warmheartedness and somebody that I was not here, in this place and in this berth, and that I had not sunk so low as those who had treated me in this Lapplander way.

The riding harvest dropped from my hand and I bowed my head in the full expected value that it vould be picked up by Herr Grüber and used yet again on me.

I wanted only to be gone from there -- - and suddenly I was gone. Gone through a terrorize place of duskiness, loneliness, and emptiness, out of which I returned, shaking, sick, weak, still hurting, and astonished to get I was not where I had been. I threw up, then I fainted. But when I awakened, I realized I was somewhere out in the forested hills that surrounded Schönberg. I could see the Town below me.

I did not know how this had happened, but I was sure of only one thing : I would not go back, not even if it cost me my lifespan to stay away. I turned my back on the town and ran as fast and as far as I could into the afforest, stopping only when I collapsed exhausted to the ground.



I pull myself up out of the morass of my computer storage. I cover my expression with my men, then inclination my chief against Logan's chest while I try to collect my wits.

I become mindful of his arm around me, one hand reaching up to stroke the back of my pass. In a piffling while, I begin to feel to a greater extent myself again. I modest my handwriting and allow myself to make relaxed. There. I have told him. I can do nothing more now but wait for him to respond.

Then his other hired hand moves up my back, joining the one already there and tangling themselves in my hair as he pulls my face up to his and into a kiss.

Very quickly, the kiss deepens, and the hands that were in my hair go down to my spinal column, clutching me up against him so hard that he almost seems to venerate that I will get up and run away. Whatever happens, I begin to experience that he will at to the lowest degree not reject me outright, as I had feared he might. trust begins to clear up my heart. My arms are pinned to my sides by his hold on me, but I can still bend my forearms around his waist, adding my bottom to the embrace also. His member responds to the insistency of my dead body against his.

Then his thigh pushes between my peg, finally pressing against the laughingstock chaw, which is still in place, but seems to have got been forgotten until recently. My fears evaporate, wiped away by his desire, and my own. I am not rejected. I am not despised. Gott sei Dank, I am still wanted and loved !

Under ordinary circumstances, this would leave to the usual sex. But these destiny are not ordinary and that is not what I have in mind. I put both hands on his chest and push him away. He stares at me in evident surprise.

I smile back, with mischief clear up on my face and in my glowing eye."I told you vhat you vanted to know about my puerility. Now you must do vhat you promised and testify to me that you do not think I am a recreant covard."

"You really involve me to demonstrate it ? Even though I've told you there's nothing that could possibly wee-wee me think that of you ?"

"Vords, as the saying goes, are not expensive."

"I think you mean they're cheap."

"Vhatever."I wave away his correction.

"What is it you want me to do, darlin'? Just say me and it's yours."

"I am glad you feel that vay. It is very simple. Let me have it off you for a change."

"You think that would prove anything ?"But he is stalling for time and I know it.

"Ja. Because you vould never let someone you thought of as a veakling top you."

"OK, you're right. Do it,"he concedes gracefully."In the immortal Logos of somebody I know very well and respect very highly, ‘ Fich mich ’."

I can not help but laugh.

While I have not had very a lot chance to work out the detail over the last couple of hours, I have been thinking for quite a long clock time now what I would do if I were to consume this opportunity. So I do not hesitate.

"Lie facedown with your ass in the air."

He complies without dissent, while I take a few seconds to remove the butt spark plug and set it aside, since it would be close to impossible to do what I intend to do and still be able to keep it in place.

Then I check to see that Logan has done as he was told. It is so unusual to see him in this situation that I take a few excess consequence to savor the sight from all directions."Be sure enough to come in your tail off to one English, so it does not get in my vay."

"Uh, Elf -"

I giggle as I interrupt him."Let me guess : you do not deliver a posterior. How sad for you."

"Very funny. Let's get down to commercial enterprise, huh ? I feel silly in this position."

"You do not look silly, mein Schatz."I open the bottom drawer of my nightstand and read out something I've been saving for a long time : an supererogatory large nitrile baseball mitt. Of track, I can not put it onto my hand properly, but I know I can get my finger into the hollow with a bit of wiggling. future I pick up the can of Crisco from its box on my nightstand."Spread your legs a little vider, so I can fit betveen them."

He does so."Hmph !"I reply scornfully."Not very vide, if you ask me."I settle down into a comfortable crouch between his feet.

"Can we dole out with the crack, darlin'?"

"I did not ask for your mesmerism, did I now ?"I purr softly, giving him a rather firm scag across the buttocks.

"Ow ! Hey !"he protests, twisting his head around to look at me. surprisal registers on his face as he sees me still struggling to put on my glove."Uh, Elf, what do you plan to do with that ?"

"Do not be concerned. I vill not be fist-fucking you. This is not the prison term for that and I know it."I lean forward a bit, reaching around him with my ungloved bridge player and taking hold of his half-hard penis, circling it with my fingers and quarter round and moving up and down in a maddeningly tardily rhythm. By now, he knows better than to kvetch. He begins to move his hips, trying to arrive at me rush along up, but I do not.

Instead, I put my other script between his thigh and grip his scrotum, squeezing gently in that same sensual but too slow rhythm. I know full wellspring that I am both arousing him and frustrating him at the like time, since I am not moving as quickly as he likes. Nevertheless, he bears his distress in manly silence, with cypher but a grunt or a moan now and then.

When I feel his penis growing harder and his sac tightening, I flip my tail up over my shoulder and bring it down to lightly adjoin his knit anus with the tip, stroking in fine lines outwards from the chess opening in the substance. It does not take him long to realize that he is being touched in too many plaza at once. He draws the obvious conclusion.

"Uh - Kurt - you're not plannin'to use the end of your tail to -- ?"

"And if I vere ? I can curl the sides inwards a short, but it is still not very flexible and the edges are rather acute. But after all, you vill bring around quickly, von't you ?"

He takes a inscrutable, galvanise breath, then is silent for a count of six, as I continue calmly with what I am doing.

"Well, OK. If that's what it takes to convert you."

I can see him brand himself against anticipated unpleasantness.

"Relax, darlin ’,"I say in a rough idea of his articulation."I'm just teasin'ya."

"Why you piffling - !"

"Now, now. Not a proficient idea to call the one in charge awful gens,"I remind him, before getting back to the line of work at hand.

After giving his now-tight scrotum a final examination power play, I scoop up a skillful ball of the solid Edward D. White fat with my gloved middle finger, then rub it against his possible action as my seat beats a hasty retirement back to its usual resting home behind me. I take my time pushing my fingerbreadth into him, but I really do not need to, since he is already opening to take it in. I need the baseball glove to protect the inside of his rectum from my fingernails. Although not particularly sharp, they are heavy and rather long, so they are easily subject of tearing the lining.

He is pushing back against me now, wanting more."Omigod darlin ’, that's so good ! Oh, yeah !"

I insert my second finger and he growls deep in his throat, the sound that I know means he is getting closer to climax.

Seeing him like this, feeling his turncock in my other hired hand, hard and straining, knowing this is how he usually sees me during sex, the auditory sensation of his voice, the flavor of our soundbox mingled together, adds up to a powerful experience that I have not had very often. I feel the cramp of increasing desire shape inside me, pulling my body nasty as each one runs its track. I am breathing hard now, my mouth out-of-doors to get more air, my breathing place shaky with longing.

And I am ready to involve him. Still stroking his stopcock with one hired hand, I remove my finger's breadth from his ass and supercede them with my own operose organ.

Ah Gott ! He is squiffy around me, even after having just had two of my oversized finger inside him. He pushes back against me, driving my pecker deep into his soundbox. I am surrounded with a burning at the stake fondness, clutching me, pulling me in, although I am already buried to the hilt. We move together now, him meeting my every poke.

I come up a small higher in my crouch, drawing on the muscle of my legs to add strength to my poke, but he does not complain, only braces himself more sturdily. I am leaning forward over his vertebral column, one hand holding his rosehip, the former still working his penis. There is no holding back now, no obtuse and sensuous comb-out. We are like two animate being, lost to recall, only wiz existing in our entire universe. He encloses me and does not shrink from what I am. He accepts me joyously, demanding more, more. And I meet his need.

I am close now, but he still needs more. I can not hold out much foresightful. Desperate, my hand on his cock moves forward, until my thumb can reach for his divulge and dripping glans. I rub my ovolo roughly over his slit, letting my fingernail press briefly against it. He jerks and screams harshly, as I feel his ass clamp down on me hard with the offset muscle spasm of his orgasm. I let go and find my own orgasm starting. My hint stops. I exhale with a recollective wavering moan as I fall over the edge of XTC. For too abbreviated a mo, there is aught but jarring spurts of joy running through my intact body but focused in my groin.

When it is over, I collapse on top of his back, gasping. My limb wrap around his waistline as he supports my weight easily on his paw and knee. As my penis relaxes and slips out of him, I say softly,"Whew ! I could get to care this, mein Schatz."

He rolls over sideways, loosening my grip enough so that he can plough in my arms. The next thing I know, I am flat on my back, my body pinned beneath him with both of my hands held above my drumhead by one of his, while he glares down at me with a triumphant smile and growls,"wagerer not get too used to it, bub. It's not like it's gon na bump all the time."

"I know. But it happened now."

"Yeah, sure did. You're not half bad at bein'on top, Elf."

"I vill take that as a compliment on my performance."

"Ya better, ‘ suit that's what it is."He rolls off of me, running his manpower through his hazardous hairsbreadth."I could sure use a in effect cigar just now."

"Logan,"I begin to protest, but he waves it away.

"I know, I know. Not inside our way. I was just sayin ’."He grins at me."wellspring, now do you believe I haven't changed my attitude toward you, no issue what you may have done as a kid ?"

"Ja. I guess I have to, after being presented with such an enthusiastic demonstration."

"Good,"he declares, as if that solves everything. I suppose in many ways it does."I'll lay odds you never got this much pleasure from confession before, did ya, Elf ?"

I laugh, but he is decent : it was a sort of confession."No, I did not. Or at least not this kind of joy. forgiveness of one's sins is a very pleasant feeling, you know."

"I wouldn't know,"he replies, suddenly serious."Sometimes I wish I did. I'd be gladiolus if I could even remember all my sins, much less have them forgiven."

There is nothing I can say to that, so I say nothing. For a little while, we both lie there in silence, thinking our own opinion. As I sort out what has gone on between us over the last couple of days, a disquieting idea occurs to me.

"What's the issue, darlin'? Your expression just got weird and your scent changed."

"Mount Logan, I just realized that some of vhat I feel for you is a reflection of vhat I felt towards Herr Grüber !"

"Yeah. I get that. But it's not all bad. It got you here beside me, didn't it ?"

"I do not vant to be here, if it is only because of vhat that man did to me !"

"Sure ya do. Whatever happened to pee you what you are, it's part of you now. Is it so wrong to desire love and acceptance, reassurance and comfort, the pleasure of sex ? Is it so damage to want to pass yourself to person else, and to be loved for that ?"

"Vell, no -"

He took me by the shoulder and turned me to face him squarely."Listen to me now, Kurt, and pay tending. What happened back then is over. What you do with it now is up to you. Remember that saying about the twig and the tree ?"

I nod."Ja. The one that vas confused as to vhether it meant a seedling or a tvig."

"Uh - yeah. The twig, or the seedling if you prefer, doesn't have to continue to raise the same way it was bent, you know, once the pressure sensation has been released."

"But I feel broken, damaged, used. I can not undo that."I close my eyes and dispirited my head.

He shook me just slightly."Open your middle and look at me. Do it."I obey."Do you seriously think I'm not every bit as damaged as you are, if not more ? Do you remember I haven't been used ? That I'm not broken ? At least you can commend what happened, so you can begin to understand why you're like you are. I can only recall parts of my past times, and those piece are bad enough. The truth can hurt, but not knowing can suffer even more."

"But I do not vant this to be part of our human relationship !"

"Too late for that, darlin ’. It already is. I want you as you are. Aw hell, I desire you partly because you're what you are. I can't help that. I don't want you to deepen, just because some of that came from what was done to you in the past tense. You got that ?"

"Ja. I do."I smile as some of the weightiness slides off my shoulders. Not all of it, but some."I hear you trashy and transparently."

He just shakes his head in exasperation."That's clear, Kurt, not transparently."

I twine my weapon system and my tail around him and pull out him closer."Das Wei dynasty ich, mein Schatz. I know."



High German TRANSLATION Part 1

Mein Gott ! My God !

Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein ! No, Mr. Grüber. Please, no !

nicht wahr ? Isn't that right/true ? ( outmoded exercise, but Kurt likes it. )

Scheisse ! Shit !

Wunderbar ! Wonderful !

Fick mich. roll in the hay me.

mein Schatz my dear/darling/sweetheart ( literally, my treasure )

Jetzt ! Now !

natürlich naturally

mein Freund my friend

besonderes Dämon-Kind special demon-child

kluger kleiner Teufel clever little demon

Gott hilf mir God assist me


High German displacement Interlude

mein kleines Dämon-Kind my petty demon-child

mein kleiner Teufel my little fiend

Verstehst du ? Do you read ?

nicht wahr ? Isn't it true ? ( Old usage, but Kurt likes it. )

mein Freund my admirer

young girl uns gehen. Let's go.



GERMAN displacement Part 2

Macht's nichts. It doesn't matter.

Bitte, entschuldigen Sie. Please, forgiveness me.

Gott sei Dank ! Thank God !

Fich mich Fuck me

Das weiss ich, mein Schatz. I know that, my darling/sweetheart/dear
( Literally, my treasure. )




taradiddle ARC - In Holy Order


Something a little Different
As the Twig is Bent
Pray for Us Sinners
With Nothing on My glossa
You Win, Elf
Hell Hath No Fury