Chapter 1
For our one-month anniversary, Alyssa had bought me this stupid little ceramic bear. He fit in the decoration of your hand, nothing big, nothing partiality. He was a cutesy little affectation, not like a literal bear, but more like a ceramic reading of a chemise bear. He was sitting on his butt, an ice cream strobile in his little hand, or paw, whatever you wanted to call it. He had a fiddling dopy grin on his nerve, piffling yellow bow tie, tied around his cervix. We had been out at a circus, and she had seen it at this little booth as we walked past tense and just bought it for me on the spur of the moment.

She handed it to me with a piffling shy grinning on her nerve,"Happy anniversary."She mumbled as she handed it to me, like she was self-conscious about it, like maybe I'd spirit at it and say, ‘ this is pudding head ’, or I'd tell her it wasn't enough…

It was one of those cutesy little present moment all couples seem to suffer. One little innocuous moment that either meant null, or everything depending on the couple.

I was a fiddling disappointed to see him voyage across the room at my head…

I was even more disappointed to see him shatter into a million man as I ducked him. I felt the one C of tart little piece of music of him bounce around the room, trying desperately to shred my flesh. I held my arm up over my face, deciding to give the arm to salvage my face. It's not much of a face, but it's all I have…

The squawk of it all was it was Alyssa that had thrown him at me…

Guess she hadn't liked that bear as much as I had.

"I know you're fucking around on me !"She screamed.

Sad thing was, I wasn't fucking around on her…

I'm stupid. I'm selfish. I'm really not much of a provider. I don't even like myself all that much…

One thing I am however, is loyal.

My cellular phone sound, nestled into the front air pocket of my jeans, started ringing again. The shrill air raid siren that I had made my ring tone belting out into the room. I was really starting to regret that ringtone, though, right now, with a raging, and semi-crazy woman shredding my belongings as she screamed at me like a banshee, an emergency air raid femme fatale might be a little more seize than I was bequeath to admit to myself…

Alyssa was short, maybe five-five to my full six feet. She was a sparkle cud, however, and she knew how to make the almost of what god had given her. What she lacked in intimidation factor, she more than made up for in sheer twisting energy. At the sound of my earphone going off, the third clip in as many hour she got right up in my face.

"Why don't you want to answer your phone ? Is it your tart calling ?"She sneered into my face.

component of me wanted to tell her I didn't answer the phone because I didn't want to throw away any more gasoline on the fire of her insanity… there were plenty more breakable items in my house and her flinging them around willy-nilly probably wasn't doing me any party favour both with the neighbour, and in terms of my security deposit…

Considering she had lost so a lot control that she was hurling ceramic bears around the room… I decided it was better, and more than likely quite a bit smarter, to keep my mouth shut.

She blew up like this about once every two weeks. One time it would be her insistence I was cheating on her. The next that I was cheating on her because I had watched some erotica. The sentence after that, I wasn't working enough. The time after that, I worked too much.

One clip she had blown up like this because there were no steaks in the freezer…

I was beginning to mean she might be a fiddling crazy.

Of course, I had to blame myself at to the lowest degree a niggling, after all, what does that say about me ? I'm dating a chick that flips out and throws ceramic bears around the room.

Maybe my mental DoS wasn't one to be casting aspersions…

She held her arms out wide,"What, are you not man enough to tell me ? You can't just admit, you're not heading off to class, or off to work ? I know you've got some minuscule bitch on the position. What does she have that I don't ? She sucks dick a little better ?"Her spokesperson grew taunt, cruel,"seminal fluid on, be a man, tell me !"

I considered for a second the mental picture that flashed through my head, had I had a side composition and how the conversation with Alyssa would go if I told her that girl gave unspoiled head…

She pushed me hard in the chest, shoving me back into the wall.

A detached component of my mind screamed to smell her one. To let her hump that she could yell, and thigh-slapper, and accuse me of whatever she wanted to, because I really didn't concern about any of that bullshit. She could throw fit, and even footling ceramic bears at my mind, but she needed to keep her hands off of me.

I pushed that division down. Pushed it down way deep.

I wasn't much of a man, but I wasn't a man that had ever laid a script on a charwoman in anger, and I wasn't about to start because Alyssa went through a fit of jealous rage.

Course, for that matter, I wasn't much of a man of ire. Most thing that pissed other masses off, just made me sad for them. I just didn't seem to have that gene that made people go weirdo and starting time throwing things. I had never had that fit where I just needed to break something to make myself feel better. Some hoi polloi however, seemed to ingest that gene in spades…

payoff Alyssa here…

We had started dating about six months ago. At first, it had been wonderful. We got along majuscule. She had a howling horse sense of wit, was fun loving and had a body to die for. She seemed really into me. She had life-threatening commitment issues, but that was okay. She wanted our relationship to run like a sprint. In her creative thinker at six months we should be living together. Inside a twelvemonth, married. By twelvemonth two, a kid on the way. Six month had come and gone, and there was no invitation to make a motion in. share of that was my desire to demand things slowly… part of it was a desire to have a moments ataraxis where I didn't have to worry about something getting thrown at my head… hell, if I'm being completely honest, part of it was that I still didn't really jazz how I felt about Alyssa…

A part of me loved how consecrated she was to mapping her life sentence out. How consecrate she was to making that life history materialize for her. Another percentage of me was absolutely sick of how upset she got when things didn't employment out for her exactly the way she wanted them to. The largest part of me however, was simply tired of having to constantly be on the defensive about her insane insecurity issues…

Problem was, I was not into the whirlwind marriage. I didn't want to just slide a mob on the first little girl that I liked, Inferno, even one that I loved. I wasn't that guy that just shed myself into something. I took my time with matter. I wanted to take a shit sure that the girl I married was the one I was going to be with for the rest period of my biography. It was a big committal, and not just financially, but in sentence as well. I had promised myself that I would get married once, and only once. If I couldn't make it work out, that was my one guessing at it.

Seemed like the Sir Thomas More time passed, the more Alyssa and I weren't going to see eye to eye…

She was screaming something incoherent at me. the true was, she was suddenly so modest and boring. In my intellect, I decided this was the last clock time she was going to holler at me. The finis prison term she was going to cast something at me. The very finish time she was going to lay her hands on me.

I felt my centre darken, my breather shallow, the heavy muscles in my berm and neck opening bunch.

I am not an tempestuous man. In fact, I can only recall of a duad of times in my entire life that I was ever truly angry. I am not a vehement man. What I am, however, is big, and when roused I think I come across as an angry grizzly bear. It makes me intimidating, and that got me pretty far in the humanity when it came to making a nutcase person calmness right the piece of tail down…

In fact, I had observed, to the highest degree angry people were like angry dogs. They made a lot of very big sound, but when faced with a threat that seemed like it was going to prick back, they started to give some serious doubts… and they got a totally lot more sensible very quickly.

Channeling all of that deterrence and Energy into my physical structure I growled at her,"whole tone back."

Her eye widened, a glint of fright smashing across them as, in her mind, she finally pissed me off enough to get raging with her.

What was really crazy was the frenzied glee that shoved its way into her eyes…

Fucking looney bitch is getting off on the fact she finally pissed me off… I thought to myself wildly.

She started to open her mouth and say something new, some other, painful, terrible thing.

My mind flashed back to the mo calendar month Alyssa and I had been together…

We were sitting on the couch and she was talking about her last boyfriend. She went on and on about how often he abused her. How he had smacked her around. All the terrible and nasty thing he had said to her. She told me about a particularly brutal battle they had where he had punched her in the facial expression and knocked two of her teeth out. From the sounds of it he was a real number winner…

That crazy feeling in her eye made me wonder…

Was this something she got off on ? Was she one of those womanhood that needed to establish themselves a victim ? One that needed to just keep pushing a man's buttons until he finally lashed out at her ? I'm not saying it was right for a man to finally fall behind his irritability, I'm just saying that everyone has a doorway for ill-treatment. Smacking a womanhood around to get her to shut up was a really stupid and selfish way to handle that when it was so tardily to just walk out and stop caring…

She was still screaming something. I really wasn't paying attention anymore…

The more I thought about it, that railroad train of persuasion didn't make sense on Alyssa. Thinking on it, it didn't track, and then I realized, she wasn't the type of woman that enjoyed being abused. Her constant torment, the charge, the wild insinuations, hell, even the vehemence and temper tantrums she displayed pointed towards someone that had been victimized. Someone that decided that they were going to be the assaulter from now on. Someone that had zero true self authority but who desperately wanted to be seen as a confident soul. Someone who perhaps had learned that the best way to annul being a victim was to victimize…

Everything she was doing right now, this integral display, was a show.

That feeling in her eyes… it wasn't that she got off on pissing me off. Hell, I had to intromit to myself, it was just her feeling victorious for getting some kind of response out of me. Me showing some sign of life…

I realized then, Alyssa wasn't a bad soul. She just bored the ever-loving shit out of me. She was petty, shrill and about as annoying as you could get. The truth was, I wanted her gone. I wanted her out of my life, and rather than be a man and show her the door I had simply driven her away in the promise that she would get tired of my shit and leave.

Right now, though, right now, she was just pissing me off…

My phone rang again.

She gave me a smug smile."Why don't you answer it ? I'm sure your little gripe is worried about you."She sneered.

I frowned, shrugged and pulled my phone out.

I saw her eyes fill with rage as I glanced from them to the screen on the phone. Caller ID said it was Casey…

Instantly I filled with vexation. Casey was my old protagonist. She lived four hours away in my abode townspeople with her small girlfriend, in fact, she lived right behind my parent's berth. She helped out babysitting my little sister… she was a family friend, and a personal one.

She would not holler four multiplication back to plump for if it weren't an emergency.

My middle popped up to Alyssa's."Hold on a sec, this is important."

Her mouth dropped afford and I could see her fury boiling point up…

I hit the solution push button and held the phone up to my ear."Casey, sorry, I was in the middle of something, what's up ?"

Casey's voice was filled with panic. Something was definitely wrong…

Of course of study, I couldn't hear what was causing her terror, because as soon as Alyssa heard a female's vocalisation on the phone she started screaming,"You motherfucker ! Why don't you say hi to your cunt for me !"

Alyssa rushed me, and I had to lean back, turning the phone away from her, holding it with one hand as I tried, mostly unsuccessfully to confine a madden womanhood on the warpath back, and away from me.

I could feel the frustration in me rising,"Please, Alyssa, chill out for a second…"

That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say to her at that particular moment…

Alyssa is a lefty…

A southpaw.

She reminded me of that with her pull up stakes fist as it came rocketing in, smashing me in the face.

She was lowly, but she was a spark wad. She hit me compensate. serious swing, tilt of the rose hip, putting her little wooden leg into it just the way I had shown her…

It was a claw, perfectly timed to saw across my face and into my nose.

She's not big, but a apropos smack to the snoot is going to get anyone's attention.

It sure got mine when my nuzzle broke.

I'm not too proud to admit my knees went watery for a second. I felt a surge of pride at knowing I was the one that had shown her how to make that punch. I had worked many a night showing her exactly how to make her bridge player, how to swing over her hips into the punch, how to use her legs to get the absolute most out of throwing her weight behind it. My hands on her hips, my arms guiding hers… maybe a dirty cerebration or two sliding through the dark amnionic fluid of my mind as I moved my body with hers…

Hey, I'm a man, sue me.

Now, however, I felt a rush of disappointment in her at her using that knowledge against me…

Pain lancing through my face, I put the phone back up to my ear as I walked away from Alyssa."Casey, please control on a sec."

I walked over to the look doorway, threw the lock and opened it. Alyssa screamed behind me,"Yeah cocksucker ! Run away like a little bitch !"

jar registered across her facial expression when I turned back from the door. I guess after punching me in the face she thought that I was going to throw her a licking. She probably assumed that her parting shot had put me over the bound, like I was opening the door to pass on and she had finally said the wrongfulness matter and now I was going to twist back around and undermine her black-footed ferret like face in…

Her mouth opened in shock as I grabbed her by the elbow and firmly walked her to the door. She screamed and fought. She called me names. She frothed at the sass like a rabid beaver…

Turns out, I won't hit a woman…

I will however, firmly put my foot on her ass and sail her right the fuck out my front door…

I guess it's good for us all to know our limits…

Slamming the door behind her, I flipped the lock.

This was my apartment, and as very much as I liked Alyssa, I liked my personal space a whole lot more. She did not induce a key, so I was not all that worried she'd get back in. She'd probably throw a holy keep bitch fit and beatnik on the door…

wellspring, I knew she'd throw a kick fit as she started pounding on the doorway almost immediately…

She had an amazing repartee of curse words… as evidenced by the threshold, and her screech through it.

I held my hand up to my face, just now registering that I was bleeding from the intrude profusely. I tried to stem the bleeding, lamenting the fact that I had probably just ruined a perfectly salutary shirt.

piece of tail ! I got blood on the carpet ! I noted in dismay as I saw the short drop of red on the beige carpet.

line of descent dripped from between my fingerbreadth, as I held my handwriting over my nose and raised the phone back up to my ear.

"Casey ?"I said, my voice nasally from speaking through my hand.

"What the fuck was that ?"She demanded.

I tilted my head back as I walked toward the bathroom."Sorry about that. My nutcase girlfriend just broke my shag olfactory organ. Well, I guess my crazy ex-girlfriend just broke my nose."

"What ? !"

I couldn't help but jest at the panic and anger in her voice."Not a big deal. I walked her out the door. Sorry about that."

She went dead silent for a few seconds."That's it ? You just walked her out ?"

Just about then I made it to the bathroom and surveyed my face in the mirror. As I tilted my head down the blood line starting pouring again."Just a second, my nose is bleeding. I have to put the phone down for a second."

I could dimly take heed Casey's phonation as I set the phone down on the counter and pulled a few sheets of pot paper off the roll. Wadding up a distich of sheets for each anterior naris, I stuck them up there in the hope I could get the hemorrhage to stop…

tilt in close to the mirror I surveyed the damage. There was a new lump on my already ugly nose… she definitely broke my nose…

That was a anathemise fine left hook… I allowed myself. Nothing wrong with being proud of work done well…

I picked the telephone back up."I'm back. Sorry. What's awry ?"

She was silent so long I was worried she might have hung up on me. When her voice came back on the blood line I could recite she was on the threshold of crying…

"Your mom is in the hospital."

I felt a little of the air rush out of the world…

"What ?"I asked in desperation. My idea jumped around, wondering why Casey was calling me instead of my dad, or my short sister."What happened ?"

Her voice was rushed, filled with pain,"I don't know. Your dad and sis came nursing home and I guess they found her on the kitchen flooring. Your dad rushed her to the infirmary and he sent Adrianna here… I only talked with your dad really quick on the earpiece. He asked me to watch Adrianna. He's freaking out."

I was freaking out a little bit myself…

"How bad is it ? Do you screw ?"My voice was agile, desperate…

I could discover her stifle back a sob,"I don't know Jakey… I'm sorry, I don't know. Adrianna said she was limp on the storey when they found her."

I looked at my watch. It was four in the good afternoon. It was a four-hour drive. well-nigh of it through back country where cell response was going to be spotty at best…

"I'm on the road in five minutes. I'll be there by eight. If you talk to my dad, let him know I'm on the way."

"Hurry Jake. Please."Her part was raw, good of desperation, she was looking for a little Leslie Townes Hope, and I was in a terrible place to bring home the bacon it for her.

My heart and soul bled for her…

She was stuck there, taking care of her three-year-old girl and my fourteen-year-old Sister. Her acquaintance heading to the infirmary. She was probably going out of her intellect worrying and there she was stuck needing to be problematical and not fall apart in the look of two children that needed to calculate on her… and here I was on the other position of the state, a four-hour drive away…

That little nagging vocalisation in my oral sex snickered at me for being the piece of shit that I was. For not being there when my class needed me…

"Do you desire to talk to Adrianna ?"She asked.

I thought about it."No. I want to grab some dress and get on the route. Tell Adrianna I'm on my way."

"Okay, Jakey…"

I started walking quickly to the sleeping accommodation, forgetting about the bloody, broken nose. Forgetting about the pain. Forgetting about Alyssa, who, incidentally, was still beating on the breast door and screaming at the top of her lungs for me to let her back in, I noted as I stopped in the hallway for a prompt second.

"Casey…"I tried to conceive about what to say… how does one give thanks a acquaintance for stepping in and taking care of your family because you were too big a patch of jack to be there when you were needed ? I settled for,"thank you."

"Please just hurry…"

"Okay."

With that, I hung up the phone. I grabbed my black backpack, the one I used for school, and dumped my al-Qur'an out on the bed. A script on Environmental Law flipped face up, reminding me of that failure…

I forced the thought out of my mind as I grabbed underclothes, pants, socks and a twain of shirts and overgorge them in the bag. I ran back to the bath and grabbed my shave kit, throwing in my toothbrush, toothpaste and razor. I shoved that into my bag too.

I nearly ran back to the bedroom, giving one final panicked glance around the room, trying desperately to figure out if there was anything else I needed to get on the road.

screw it. If I need anything else I can get it at a store when I get there… I thought wildly to myself, just desperately wanting to get on the road…

In all the agitation, I had forgotten that Alyssa was still outdoor. Still smashing on the door like a goddamn crazed gremlin, a gremlin that was also eminent on PCP.

I grabbed the handle and took a inscrutable hint. I really didn't want to open that room access. Like, really, really didn't want to spread out that door.

Briefly, I considered going back into the bathroom, opening the window and jump from the secondment floor… the thought of doing so made me laugh a little.

Stop being a coward and just face this… I warned myself. Putting it off won't make it any easier…

I wrenched the door open and Alyssa recoiled back. She again, must have thought I had finally lost my temper and that I was going to hit her…

She really doesn't think much of me… The thought smashed plate as I realized how little we truly understood each other.

Even after six months… she thought I was going to mystify on her and I thought she was a reasonable, uncrazy individual. For a split-second I felt regret smash through the corridors of my mind at the prison term I had wasted with her. Thinking on it, I realized that I had allowed myself to be paralyzed by fear and a deep-seated common sense of sympathy. I had not broken things off with her because I knew she would exact it backbreaking, and somehow, it was just easygoing in my thinker to stick out and let her go on her merry footling way. I hadn't loved her, not really. I don't think she loved me either, we were both just too terrified to be alone and so we had clung to each other like two survivors at sea, feeling like it was better to be alone together than to face it, and be alone, alone.

choler and sorrow fought each other for control of her side."I'm sorry. I didn't mean value to hit you."

I pushed my way past her, just wanting to be rid of her, to get on the route and embark on off, to take the chance to be with my mom… who might very well be dying as I had this pointless conversation hundreds of geographical mile away…

She grabbed my arm, as I closed the door, screaming at me,"Goddamn it ! public lecture to me !"

I whirled on her,"Enough. We're done."I told her, my script slashing the air in front of me."I'm sick of this crap. I've had enough. Go find whatever the fuck it is that's going to make you happy, but leave me the fuck out of it."

I watched as her sorrow turned to anger, as the worm turned in her idea, poisoning her thoughts.

I walked away from her before her rage could erupt again.

3 doors down the corridor a door opened and my landlady, Mrs. Epstein stepped out. I could see the disappointment painted on her case, field as day.

She was a little old lady, sweet as could be. I really liked her and I was embarrassed at the fact that this had to play out in front of her…

She looked at me and the disapproval in her eyes sent a shiver of shame through my spine…

"Kids, enough is enough here… if you two have to fight constantly at least do your neighbour the good manners of not letting it spill out into the hallway."She admonished me like a unappeasable schoolteacher…

My eyes found the flooring and I shook my head ruefully.

going away Alyssa standing there, her mouth flopping out-of-doors and closed like a beached fish I walked up to my landlady."Mrs. Jacob Epstein, I apologize. I'm sorry for the scene."

She shook her head at me,"Don't be sorry Jake… do something about it. Be better."

Sighing, I tried to explain to her."I just got a shout. My mom's in the infirmary. I have to go home base for a few days."

Her cheek instantly filled with concern,"Oh, beloved, I'm so sorry…"

I shook my head at her, trying to let her live not to draw a prospect about it. Things like this always embarrassed me.

"Can you keep an eye on my place for me while I'm gone ?"I asked."I don't acknowledge how long it will be."

Alyssa's vocalization echoed from behind me,"What do you think your mom's in the infirmary ?"

I sighed again, tilting my head back towards Alyssa."This one is not welcome here anymore, but she's most likely going to have a hard clip getting that into her skull."

Again, Alyssa's spokesperson piped back up,"What the fuck does that mean ?"

I closed my eyes and instinctively reached up to push on the bridge of my nose, only to be reminded of the broken nose…

I winced touching it, the pain rocketing through my face.

Mrs. Epstein's eyes narrowed in anger, her centre flashing towards Alyssa."Missy. Do I need to call the police to get you to exit ?"

Fortunately, that shut her the fuck up…

Of path, if the cops showed up I most likely would be in a shitload of trouble too… I'm sure it would get twisted around. At the very least I'd end up tied up forever answering questions and it would put me on the route all that much later. I wanted very a great deal to get moving…

I shook my drumhead at her,"We're O.K., she's leaving, and I'm amercement, and I need to get on the road."

She clenched her jaw at me."OK, honey."Patting me on the arm she added,"If you need anything just call okay ?"

I nodded weakly at her."Thanks."

Alyssa followed me all the way to my truck. She would not shut the fuck up, and somehow, she got it into her nous that I wanted her there…

I just ignored her, walked fast and tried to get her to finally fucking understand I had no desire for her to be there anymore. I just wanted her to take the air away… how could she not get that ? What did I need to do to be more bring in ?

See, that's the job with being a wuss. citizenry didn't understand what you are doing when you finally get up and escape from the dirt off…

I had just thrown my bag into the bed of the pick-me-up when she finally said"Just give me a couple 24-hour interval and I'll drive down and unite you."

I spun around."Are you fucking pudding head ?"

The malice in my voice surprised me.

Her side went encompassing in jolt."How dare you talk to me like that ?"

I jabbed a digit towards my broken nose."How dare I ? Listen here, you crazy bitch. You broke my piece of ass nose. I've pretty clearly told you,"I emphasized each word with a chop of my hands,"I. Don't. deficiency. You. Around. Me. Anymore. What do I throw to do ? Take out fucking billboard that says, ‘ ass off crazy bitch, I don't have time for any to a greater extent insanity in my life !'?"

My jaw clenched and I could finally feel the anger rising up from within me."We are done. Not with this conversation, not for right now. Forever. I don't want to see you ever again. How much clearer can I make that for you ?"

Sadness welled up in her eyes as weeping started to gather.

And now she's crying… Fuck ! I thought to myself in exasperation.

"How can you be so mean to me ?"She sobbed."Just let me assist, I just want to be there for you."

I held my hands up. I couldn't take it anymore."Enough. I have to go."

Spinning away from her I opened the room access to the cab of my truck…

"I know you're just upset Jakey,"Alyssa said,"I'll Call you tomorrow and you'll see, things will be all better."

I slammed the door. Hard. I couldn't take it anymore.

Starting the truck, I slammed it into appurtenance and pulled out of the parking spot aggressively…



Chapter 2
I made it to the first stoppage Christ Within before I realized I was going to want gas…

My hand truck was nearly on abandon and as I drove further and further towards home base gas was going to do zilch but get harder to regain and more and markedly more expensive.

Home. I thought as I drove. I hadn't thought of that berth as home in four years… it was just a place that I had grown up. A place I had run from just as fast as I possibly could…

Now my mom was cat, and suddenly it was home ? The thought didn't make sense to me.

Why is that spot suddenly home ? I thought to myself as I pulled into the gas station.

As I pumped my gas the people at the other pumps gave me unknown looks, making me enquire why I suddenly felt like an rank weirdo…

acquiring back on the route, I realized that I still had line of descent stained sewer paper sticking out of both nostrils… I felt like an absolute weirdo, because I looked like an downright weirdo…

I pulled them both out and threw them out the windowpane, laughing at my own stupidity…

The sentiment occurred to me then, I was due at study in the morning…

I pulled my telephone out and called my boss…

I worked as a legal clerk at a pocket-size law business firm. It was low story work. Running down leads, looking up cases. Interviewing clients, and potential clients while I took notes. The pay was shit. The workplace was shit. My boss was a hawkshaw. It was still a paycheck though and as much as I hated it, I decide that it was probably not a respectable estimate to ditch gas over my entire lifetime and set fire to it before I left town.

He picked up just as I started to go for that I was going to get lucky and the call was going to go to voicemail…

"Jake, I'm glad you called. We've got a job. I need you to meet with Carey Larson in the morning-"

I cut him off,"I can't. I just got a birdsong. My mom's in the hospital. I have to go back home for a few days."

The line went silent…

I started to wonder…

"face. Jake, I can't give you any prison term off right now, we're in the midsection of a big case here, I mean this could be a yoke hundred thousand dollar sign'worth of lawsuit here. I mean I'd love to give you a couple of days off, and I'm sympathetic to your berth, but I'm in Tahoe and my married woman would kill me if I broke away from this vacation…"

Are you fucking kidding me ?

I sat for a minute of arc, hoping against hope he would finally descend to his senses and realize exactly what he had just said to me…

The line sat quiet…

Finally, I cleared my pharynx,"Maybe you don't understand what I'm saying… My mom is in the hospital. I don't know how serious it is. I'm not asking for prison term off. I'm relation you, I won't be there in the morning."

"Maybe you're not understanding what I'm saying…"He growled,"If you're not at work in the daybreak, you don't have a job anymore."

I frowned. Well, that sucks. Hey, at least I didn't like the job all that much…

"I understand."

"So, you'll be there in the morning ?"

"Nope."I said, hanging up the phone and throwing it on the seat next to me…

Well, there was nothing like burning a few span on the way out of town…



Chapter 3

I spent the first hour of the trip-up working through the details of how I was going to get home and find my mom had died… I thought of all the manner that could go down. All the ways that I could lose her. She was young, only 16 years sr. than me, forty to my twenty-two… wait, no, thirty-eight to my twenty-two… god, was she really that Lester Willis Young ?

I spent the instant 60 minutes wishing my telephone would ring. That someone would call me. That they would severalise me what the hell was going on… that she was fine. That this was all a big misunderstanding…

I spent the third hour hoping my phone wouldn't ring… I was certain if it did ring it would be someone on the former end telling me that she had died. Telling me that I had been too late. Telling me that she had left without me being capable to at least enjoin her auf wiedersehen. That she had died without me being able to severalise her how a great deal she had meant to me. That I had missed my opportunity to give thanks her for all that she had taught me, all she had done for me…

The final hour, I spent thinking about the people who were waiting for me at home…

masses that I loved…

I thought about my mom, Deb. She wasn't really my mom. She was my step mom, but to me, she was my mom. Family was about a hell of a lot more than blood, it was about the people who had bled for you, it was about the people that had been there for you. The the great unwashed that stood beside you when the best thing for them was to walk away and let you flounder on your own. It was about the people that put aside their own needs and wants for you. People that had made sacrifices for you. People that took caution of you when you were sick. citizenry that looked out forrea you when you were in problem. People that gave you advice when you couldn't frame things out on your own. That spent their time and vim didactics you to be a better person…

Deb definitely fit that bill in every way. She was my mom, she had earned that gens in every way that really mattered.

I let my mind impetus back to how she and my dad had met…

It wasn't a love story for the ages, but it was a passion story nonetheless…

My mom died when I was nine. My dad dutifully shouldered the province of taking fear of me. It didn't really seem like something he wanted to do, it was just another task that he put his shoulder to, another boulder that he pushed up the hill.

At the time, he worked at a mill, memorial park shift. By the time I was eleven I had gone through respective babysitters. I went over to their house and I slept there. Apparently, that was too lots trouble for most people.

We lived in a shitty piffling trailer in a shitty footling house trailer common. A span moved in adjacent door. Husband, wife, little girl. Deb, her married man, and their daughter. My dad and I were always pretty standoffish with our neighbor, we were the type of citizenry that kept to ourselves, and made it apparent we expected everyone else around us to do the like, but for some rationality my dad hit it off with Deb. She played piano, and he would sit there on the couch with the windowpane undefendable and listen to her child's play. She would play moonshine Sonata, by van Beethoven, and he would just sit there with this enraptured look on his face…

It was about then that I realized that what the really noticed, was Deb.

He would find an exculpation to walk outside when he heard her mowing the lawn…

And Deb started to really discover my dad.

She would come over every few days and borrow some little food item or another, an egg here, or a little simoleons, and then she'd show back up an hour later with a plate total of cookies…

After a duo of weeks, he asked her to start sitting for me. He made the excuse that it would just be easier to receive the neighbor watch me. They were a poor fellowship, and they could use the extra money. I would go over there at Night, sometimes in the eve if he took on duplicate transmutation, and I'd rest there, or sit and find out Disney flick with little Adrianna as Deb played the forte-piano, or cooked for us, or did one of the million other things that seemed to be her responsibleness as a housewife ...

It made me a little sad to see her. She was an awesome noblewoman, one of the sweetest I had ever known. Her husband, microphone, was a scholarly person, and a actual piece of music of shit. He was twenty class her fourth-year, and apparently had met her in the small town she had grown up in. Being the fucking slimeball I knew him to be, he had, at in effect than thirty years of age, started hitting on a fifteen-year-old girl. By the time she was sixteen he had knocked her up, and I guess that was all the excuse her parents needed to get married her off to him…

I never saw him be mean to her, never saw him abuse her, but I rarely saw him interact with her at all… He just sat in the forepart bedroom of the drone, which he had converted into an post and played on his computing device, or sat at his desk fascinated by some electronic doodad that he had pulled apart.

I got the good sense he had just knocked her up and he treated her like she was a dog he owned…

It made me really sad for her.

It made me really raging at him…

She started hanging out at our piazza when I wasn't over at hers. She would bring her daughter, Adrianna, and my dad and her would just interact. It wasn't dating per se… but it wasn't that far off either. They'd sit and drink beers, talking and laughing for hours…

Even at eleven, I knew that it wasn't completely kosher. I knew, on some level that she was a tie cleaning lady, and what my dad was doing was wrong. Honestly, I guess in my mind I just made myself not care.

I guess she just wanted someone to pay attention to her. Maybe to feel like someone finally loved her.

I guess my dad just wanted somebody to share his life with…

My dad and Deb fell in love. The side effect from her man and wife imploding was… impressive.

Her husband showed up at our place one Nox drunk and wide-cut of accusations, and he decided to withdraw a swing at my dad. My dad is many things…

Patient is not one of them.

Mike was a forty-year-old, adiposis nerd.

My dad was a thirty year old millworker that was not in the business of taking turd from forty-year-old nerds…

So… uh… Dad beat the holy living fuck out of Deb's husband. I don't mean he popped him one. I mean he went full on, brainsick badger protecting his den on mike. To this day, I wonder what would have happened if Deb had not finally arrived…

I think my dad may have killed that man…

Not sure which stung Mike worse, the whipping my dad threw him, or when his wife moved out the next day, taking their daughter with her.

On some point, I felt bad for him.

On pretty much every former storey, I despised the man. It made me find better about the whole situation when I reminded myself how he had treated her. How loyal she had been to him for years and years… How if he had just had two genius cells that weren't locked in individual armed combat he could experience turned it around.

I finally decided it was his loss.

From the moment they moved in, Deb treated me like her very own. She watched out for me. She held me when I was down. She gave me advice on how to talk to missy, and helped me with my homework. She stepped between me and my dad as we argued, the ever-present representative of reason, saneness and longanimity. She always watched out for me. Even with her daughter there, she always made time for me. She always made energy for me. She always made me a priority.

She made me roll in the hay her.

Tears filled my eyes as I remembered how happy she had always made me. How safe I had always felt in her appeasement presence…

At first, it was weird suddenly having a minuscule sister. Adrianna was only three and we were forced into pretty closelipped quarters. My dad's house trailer only had two chamber, and as a married couple… well you can judge who's bedroom Adrianna ended up in…

At first, I hated her. I hated that I had to share everything with her, that she was constantly around…

Always under my foundation. Always itching to hang out with me…

Then, one day, it finally hit me. I had a piddling sister…

For the first time in my animation, I wasn't alone. I found myself starting to do it her and Adrianna and I grew closer and closer. It wasn't easy, not with eight long time'difference in age, but just being there with her. Being a part of her liveliness. Helping to raise her. Teaching her things. Watching her grow, and learn, and admit on some of my foible, some of my dad's mannerisms made me start out to really like her.

I was affected role as she followed me around like a puppy dog. Unlike nearly small fry, I just one day stopped minding. It always filled me with wonder to see how glad she was, how filled with curiosity.

Leaving Adrianna was one of the tough parts of leaving home. She was my short sister… and I loved her and missed her every day.

I thought of my dad.

That made me think of the disapproval on his face each time he looked at me.

I thought back to how it wasn't always that way. I felt like he loved me, or at to the lowest degree like he had loved me once. Like he at least like me at some stop. Growing up I felt like he cared about me, but he desperately didn't want to have to contract guardianship of me. I think in his mind he was just terrified of the responsibility of being completely responsible of this little moldable human being, and how practically damage he could to by fucking up…

I never really held it against him. Hell, the more I thought about it, the more terrified I was of having my own shaver and having to worry about how badly I would fuck them up…

Most of my dad's attitude got dependable once Deb came around. She took care of most of my needs and my dad only really stepped in when he absolutely had to. He never really actively ignored me, he was always involved in my animation, and it was obvious with the stake he had in me that he cared, and that he loved me, but the day to day responsibilities he faced were greatly reduced… Deb took care of Jakey issues, or at least she did for the most part. It was an arrangement that everyone seemed happy with. Dad got to worry less about messing up his kid, Jake got to sustain a mom in his spirit that was constantly hovering nearby when he needed her, and Deb got to be the thing she was always serious in the humankind at, being a mother.

thing got worse between me and my dad as I got more and more rebellious as I got sr.. We threw sparks off of each other continuously. As I got closer and closer to graduating senior high school matter got better, and we finally started to see eye to eye more often, even, I felt, finally started to get along. Really finally started to see eye to eye. He was thrilled when I told him I wanted to be a lawyer…

He was even well-chosen when I got into a good school…

I thought we were in a commodity lieu. I thought we understood each other…

About a yr after I left thing turned really sour.

That old disapproval came back, solid than ever. Now, well now, he barely spoke to me…

He never really told me why. I had wondered, but the truth was, I was just so victimised to being a disappointment I could never work up the energy or caring that would be needed to ask him. I'm sure he had his grounds, and I had decided, I didn't really care to hear them. Didn't really wish to learn what there was about me that he saw that had led him to cut me out of his life…

I had about half an minute left on the drive when my phone rang, interrupting my contemplation.

apprehension poured through me as I looked at it on the seat future to me…

Casey's ikon was lit up on the display…

At least it isn't dad… I reminded myself. If she had died… I think dad would consume at least called me then…

I picked up the phone. My heart turning cold."Jake here."

Casey's voice was somber,"It's okay Jake. She woke up. She's still in the infirmary, still in the ICU, but she woke up. The doctor's think she's going to be okeh. At least for now."

I tried to slow my breathing."What does that mean ? For now ?"

She stayed quiet for too long…

"They think she has a tumor, or at least some kind of growth in her throat. Something cut off her breathing, but just for a fiddling while. She's going to be okay for right now. They'll know more in the morning."

Tumor. Cancer. Mom…

The thinking wouldn't unscramble themselves in my idea.

I thought back to my birth female parent, Vanessa… her light had been cut off by white meat cancer… and now Deb…

Back to your responsibilities. Your home needs you right now. Focus on that. Dad is going to be a mess, Mom's in the hospital. Adrianna needs you right now. center on that. The idea smashed into me.

"Where's my sister ?"I asked, my phonation a little too harsh…

"She's here with me. She's worried out of her mind."Casey answered.

Anger flashed through my mind at that. Dad should have got come and got her, or manned up and asked for helper in bringing her to him and mom, from Casey. Adrianna should be with her mother right now. She was just a kid. She needed her mom. It wasn't right for dad to induce kept her away… if Deb had died he would experience robbed her of the right to say goodbye to her mother…

I decided then and there he and I were going to have a public lecture about that. A rather terse one…

blockage. Getting tempestuous isn't going to help anyone. arrest focused on what is important. I reminded myself

I sighed…

Casey's voice was subdued,"Are you going straight to the infirmary when you get to township ?"

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see it."No. If you don't mind, I'm going to come get Adrianna. She needs to be with her mom right now, or at least be able to see her. Would that be alright ?"

Casey chuckled and for just a second, I thought of her… her shock of red hair. Her brownie nose. Her quick laugh, and immediate smile.

perdition, it made me smile just thinking about it.

"I'd beloved to see you Jakey… you are always welcome here."

I sighed, my optic drifting half closed, dangerous on the road, I knew, but I couldn't help it. I had finally found some promise. It was like I had found I was holding my breathing spell and not even realizing it… like I finally got a breath of air after being trapped under water…

"I'll see you soon."She continued.

I knew she was going to hang up, so I talked fast…"Casey… declare up."Again, my mind spun, looking for the correctly thing to say, the right matter to do. Casey had always done that to me… she had always confused me, like I couldn't even think when I was with her, when I was talking to her…

"Look, kiddo."I shook my head, amazed at how lucky I was to ingest a friend like her."Thank you for today. I don't know what we'd have done without you. give thanks you for that."

She chuckled, and in my judgement I could see her beautiful fount. Could see her easygoing smile…

"ejaculate home soon Jakey…"

Again, I nodded, feeling better,"I'll see you soon. I'm about half an hr out. Okay ?"

"Yeah…"

We broke off the conversation.

I put the headphone back on the rear and thought about my friend…

I had met Casey when I was eleven years old, compensate before Deb and her husband had moved in succeeding door. My dad and I had just moved from a tiny one bedroom house and into the trailer he had bought. My mom's last was expensive, and the weight unit of all of that had fallen squarely on my dad's shoulder joint. Instantly, we had to downgrade from a right family home to some shitty niggling hovel in the shittiest piece of town. Looking back, and knowing the kind of gallant man my dad was, I realized that must have been an amazingly hard option for him to cause had to make…

organism eleven, I wasn't thrilled about the motion. I had to commute schooling, had to motivate away from my ally, and at the sentence I was pissed about it. Adding the benefit of hindsight, I could see now my dad had made the right option. We both needed some space, we both needed our own bedroom, our own secret places. Our old home didn't allow that. The new one did.

I was an bunglesome kid. I had very few Friend and the case of personality that made it very difficult for me to make new ones. Moving into a summation trailer parking area in the better part of townspeople didn't make things easier…

I was instantly a pariah. My awkward personality made it even more difficult. Add to that the fact that I was still, most in all probability, and quietly, trying to get over the going of my mom…

And then I met Casey. Beautiful, amazing, funny, lovely Casey…

I knew that normally hanging out with a girl a year younger than me would be considered weird, but at the prison term I was so lonely and so in want of a admirer that I didn't caution, or at to the lowest degree, at the clip, I made myself not care.

I thought back to the day I had met her…

Our house trailer parking lot had a little resort area on it. One day I was sitting there on one of the swings and feeling sorry for myself when Casey came up to me. She was smaller than me, and painfully shy. She just walked in through the logic gate and came over and sat down on the swing furthest from me. She didn't say anything to me, I didn't say anything to her. I caught her looking at me occasionally, wary of me as a bigger kid, obviously worried that I might chamfer her off just for the sin of being smaller and more vulnerable. For having the audacity of daring to use one of my swings !

The the true of the matter was, I was just as intimidated of her as she was of me…

She was an instant mystery to me. former tyke in general confused me, but girls in particular proposition really confused the diddly-shit of me. They were so soft. So delicate. So full of this weird energy that I never could define…

So, I kept my distance.

Each day, we would meet there after schooltime and we would afford each other distance and we would both act as quietly.

I guess, after about a workweek Casey decided that I was trustable, that I was no longer a danger.

I guess that was a honorable affair, because I would suffer never worked up the courage to ever walk up to her, would give birth never introduced myself to her, would have never found the secure Quaker I had ever found in my entire life…

She walked up to me, smiling at me shyly,"Hello. I'm Casey."She said, holding her handwriting out to me.

I can still recall staring at her pale, freckled mitt, looking at it like it was a snake, out to bite me…

I took her hand,"Jake."

She smiled again, this metre happier, prouder that she had made the initiative move."Do you want to be friends ? There aren't a lot of former tiddler around here… and the unity that are around are mean."

I felt myself begin to light up… I needed a friend, young lady or not, weird or not…

"Sure."I had told her.

"I like you. You're nice to me."She told me, a pipe down assurance in her voice.

I wasn't trusted how nice to her I had been. Really, all I had ever done was simply not try to bully her… I speculation sometimes the only matter you need to do to be overnice, was to not be an asshole.

From that day on we were inseparable. I picked her up from her menage every morning and we walked to school together. We met up and walked home together. We hung out after school at her property, and at my place on the weekends. It was a little Wyrd to have a friend that was a girl, and even weirder to have one that was a yr young than me, but we made it work.

We both loved picture plot, and we'd spend minute sitting in nominal head of the video, or at to the lowest degree every minute we could until one of our parents chased us outside to play…

We grew up together. We both made early friends as we got older, but we never lost sight of the fact that there was a prison term in our life when all we had was each former. We never walked away and we always found a way to clear our friendship work, no subject how uneasy it got for either of us…

I graduated a year ahead of her. I went off to college, and she stayed behind. There was a part of me that knew separating from her was inevitable. Knowing that didn't make it any less hard…

There was a part of me that missed her so often those showtime few calendar month of school, I considered quitting and going plate. Giving up the dream of becoming a lawyer and heading back to our small-town college, just so I could be close to her. So, I could see her smiling face when we talked…

Then she got pregnant, and things changed…

It happened the summertime between her Junior and senior years of richly shoal, not too long after I had left. She kept it from me for the first four month she was meaning. I could tell, talking to her she was ashamed of herself…

That year was underworld for her. There was a girl my elderly class of high schooling that got pregnant. She had a steadily fellow and he was in school with her and still it was a brutish experience for her. I could only reckon what it had been like for Casey. She got pregnant from some random guy at some random company, which surprised the fuck out of me, as it was completely out of her character to just have a random one nighttime stand…

It was something she didn't like to blab out about and the to a greater extent I pressed her for the details the more evasive she got.

I left it be, and just tried to digest her the best I knew how. She pulled away from me. We talked less and less. I watched as she isolated herself. I felt so helpless then. I blamed myself for not being around. I knew that had I been there, that random crotchet up would have never happened.

Had I been a good friend and watched out for her she would have never gotten significant in the first place, and now, I couldn't even be there to support her while she went through the Hell of having everyone look down on her because she got pregnant at seventeen…

For a spell, I gave her space. A part of me hoped she'd find a way to cause things work with whoever got her meaning. I had hoped she was lying to me about it being a random hook up and that she was really involved with someone and just hiding the fact from me. I figured it was someone she was ashamed about. I figured me being around constantly would be a distraction. Maybe the guy felt threatened. Maybe she was too focused on our friendly relationship to make her relationship work…

She said lilliputian, and I gave her space to try to put her life straight.

That ended with a call from my mom…

Deb called me up one day and asked how long it had been since I had talked with Casey.

I told her it had been a few calendar week, and desperately hoped that Deb had tidings about her. Casey, even pregnant, supposedly irresponsible Casey, watched my baby Adrianna, and I knew that Deb got to talk to her even when I didn't…

I dared to ask how she was doing…

I still call back that conversation….

"Not good…"Deb told me, her voice filled with anguish.

I sat, the line filled with silence between us."Mom, I don't know what to do…"I finally confessed.

"What do you mean ?"

I took a rich intimation."I just feel so helpless. I see her spiraling down and finger like I'm losing my admirer. I want to be there for her, I want her to know I'm there for her, but every time I reach out to her, she pulls away… I try to sing to her about what she's doing, what she's experiencing, how she's dealing with the dad, how she's managing shoal, and every time I do… she pulls a little promote away…"

Deb sighed…"Jakey. Is Casey your friend ?"

With judgment of conviction,"She's the upright friend I have ever had."

I felt tears in my eyes… I missed her so much… so I confessed,"I just don't know what to do. I want to help her fix this… but she won't let me."

My mom was quiet for a really long time… to this day, I still don't know why…

Finally, she started talking,"Jakey, she's embarrassed. Everyone in her life is looking down on her. She's having a really tough clip with her mom right now. She's having worry at schoolhouse. Her whole life is coming apart at the seams. Every plan she has ever made in her integral lifespan just got flushed and went swirling, and she's completely alone…"

I took a deep breath…"I know mom, but she won't let me in… she won't let me aid her fix this."

"Jakey… she doesn't need to fix this. She doesn't need you to help oneself her fix this. She needs to know you are there for her. She needs to know that you are only a earpiece call away. You need to stop trying to put things back together for her and you need to start letting her know that you're not judging her. That you're going to exhort her on as she figures out how to put things back together for herself. Right now, everyone in her life is looking down on her and you're her outdo Friend. She can conduct it from everyone else, but from you… from you that is affection breaking… when you start trying to jump in and offer her root it feels like you're not only telling her she's not smart enough to fix it on her own, but that you're also telling her she's pudding head for being there in the start position ..."

I sat and thought about that for a longsighted meter. That was the last nighttime I let her set apart herself from me.

I called her every night. I stopped trying to solve her problems. I stopped judging her. I just sat there with her. It was one of the weird and most clumsy meter in my entire life-time. Some nights we talked for hours. Some nights we just sat there on the phone. Some nights she begged me to break off, to just allow her alone…

I always refused her.

I never left her alone.

I never missed a call.

After a few months, she started calling me with her problems. I spent a lot of clip listening. It took me a long sentence, but finally I realized how right hand Deb was. I learned the value of just showing up, just one of the many invaluable deterrent example my friend Casey had taught me ...

Our vociferation kept up even after she had her little fille. Casey named her Aubrey, a fact that Adrianna, my little sister, was immensely proud of. Casey and Deb grew closer, became ally. After a while, Casey became like a appendage of my little family…

My ruminations came to an end as I pulled up in front of Casey's piddling trailer. I thought of how alone she must have felt there… to end up just a few century chiliad from where she had grown up…

Her mom was a drinker and she passed away about a year after Aubrey was born, leaving Casey really and truly alone…

I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered yet another challenge my ally had needed to face without me…

I sat in my truck for a minute, staring at her home… touch sensation like a really bad friend…



Chapter 4
Casey opened the threshold and I was struck with the deepest common sense of wonder I had felt in a very long time… the highest sensory faculty of happiness that I had managed to find in such a prospicient time…

It had been almost a year since I had been home… so long since I had seen her smiling face.

My aspect, bad day or no, split clear on seeing her. I couldn't avail but grin in her presence.

She wrapped her blazon tightly about her trunk and leaned against the door frame, her brown eye reaching into my soul, the same way they always did. I stepped forward as she stepped back, letting me into her home, no invitation extended and none needed…

My left mitt reached out and took the back of her cervix as I pulled her head to mine.

I almost kissed her…

The desire to do it was inviolable than I had ever felt, and considering that I had undergone the totality of my teenage years with her as the faithful admirer I had ever known… I had thought about kissing her pretty fucking often.

I would never do that though… I had no right. I had to take on to myself… I really wanted to. I had wanted to since as long as I could remember.

I contented myself with laying my forehead to hers, my nose against hers, piffling twinkle of pain in the neck shooting through it as our nose brushed. I didn't precaution about the hurting. Just her front against me was enough to ram all of my concerns away.

Her script came up into the bend of my elbow and pulled me penny-pinching to her. We both closed our optic and savored the moment.

Kiss her you fool ! My brainpower screamed at me.

I shook my read/write head and sighed, feeling the fellow rush of emotions she always brought out in me. Loyalty, friendship, a signified of house and protectiveness I felt with no early human on earth… and yes, more than a little love.

I was not however, going to mess up that friendship.

"I missed you Case."I whispered.

She finally wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a big hug. I hugged her back just as arduous.

She whispered in my ear,"I missed you Jakey."She added as she pulled back from me, taking my face in her work force,"Your poor minuscule nose…"

I smiled at her,"It was never very little…"

She smiled back at me, and I added,"Don't sweat it, it just has a little more character now."

"You two need to get a elbow room ?"

I laughed at Adrianna, interrupting our moment.

Turning to her, I was struck by how much she had grown up in the year since I had seen her. She was taller, and at fourteen, she was starting to transition from kid to woman. She was fuller, stiff. She had mid duration blonde hair, and her father's feature of speech. That Sami blonde fuzz and striking, otherworldly, Nordic blue air eyes. She had her female parent's athletic body, which was way better for her than if she ended up with her dad's, who tended more towards the plump size.

"How ‘ bout a hug over here, big bro ?"She smiled, holding her arms wide.

She was still petite compared to my six-foot frame, gymnastic or not. I wrapped my arm around her neck as she wrapped hers around my soundbox. I was gentler with her than I had been with Casey, but I still hugged her tight.

We broke, and she punched me in the costa. It was a get down punch, a hell of a lot lighter than Alyssa's had been.

It made me enquire a little bit at what about me made women palpate the need to punch me…

"Fucking took you long enough to get here !"She yelled.

"Ow…"I muttered rubbing my side.

I smiled at her,"Sorry, kiddo. I came as fast as I could."

Casey laughed at me…

"Mommy ?"A flyspeck voice echoed into the room.

I looked across the room towards the hallway. Aubrey, Casey's little little girl was hiding over by the corner, coming out of the hall, peeking around the corner.

"Roo !"Casey admonished."You're supposed to be in bed !"

I laughed."Hey, Roo !"I called.

She held her little hand up and waved at me. It was technically a good-bye waving, but it was still cunning as hell.

Casey stopped and looked at me, a strange aspect on her face, something like a mix of anger and fear on her face.

I gave her one of my stunning smiles and pushed past her, walking over to where Roo was hiding. I sat cross-legged in forepart of her, giving her my biggest, quick smiling. She looked at the floor shyly…

She looked a lot like her mother. short circuit, bright red hair, cut short. Delicate features.

She held her deal together and shrugged, looking at me through her eyelashes.

I held my hand out to her,"Hello, Roo. How are you ?"

She stepped away from me a little.

"Roo !"Casey's articulation was like a whip.

I turned back to her, holding my mitt out,"It's okay. She doesn't retrieve me…"

Smiling at Roo again,"Hey Roo, do you think back me ?"

She smiled at me,"You're big guy. You talk to my momma on the sound. That always makes Mommy happy."

I laughed."wellspring, I'm big, and I do talk to your mom on the phone, but I'm not sure how happy I make her."

She moved closer to me, sidling up to me, showing me her side. Finally, she tentatively wrapped her arms around me, giving me the flyspeck hug. I wrapped my coat of arms around her lightly, pulling her close but almost construct sure I was being exceedingly gentle.

"Thank you Roo."I whispered into the slope of her head.

She stepped back from me and shrugged shyly. She whispered,"I'm supposed to be in bed… but I heard voices."

I smiled at her, waggling my eyebrows,"It's okay, she won't be too mad at you."

Casey's representative went up in mock choler."Oh, you bet I will be !"

Roo screamed playfully, as she ran back for, what I assumed, was her bedroom. Casey chased after her, playfully. Stopping at a room down the hall, she looked back at me, giving me a shy smile,"spring me a sec to put her back to bed ? Before you go ?"

I nodded at her, standing up.

Finally, she disappeared into the room.

turn back to Adrianna, I assessed how worried she was. She looked like she was hunky-dory, but she seemed pretty aflutter.

I was a little embarrassed, and a piddling shamed to be holding her up…

I tried to hedge,"Just give us a second. We'll go to the hospital here in a minute ?"

She shook her head at me, a look of disappointment on her face,"I talked to dad on the phone. He said we should let mom perch. That when you got here, we should just go abode. That we could come in the morning."

My eye narrowed and I ground my teeth as I felt my frustration grow.

"Well, he can go fuck himself. You have to do what he tells you, I don't. So…"my eyes pierced into her. Right was right,"you coming ?"

She went over to the couch,"Definitely."Smiling at me,"You taking the inculpation on this one ?"she asked as she picked up her backback.

I smiled back to her,"Well…"I gave her a half smiling,"I'm supposed to be in kick, right ?"

Casey came up behind me, laying her hand on my shoulder."You guys going to the infirmary ?"

I turned and looked at her. The desire to kiss her welled up inside me again, this time I had to push my center away from her…

By looking away, I managed to find some military capability. I managed to shove it down, it was grueling, but somehow, I managed to do it.

I gulped,"Yeah, you coming ?"I asked, looking back at her.

She shook her head teacher,"I can't."

Motioning back down the hall, she continued,"I mean, I'd love to… I really want to, but I just got Roo to bed, and I have the early work shift at the extremely market in the morning…"

I pulled her close and hugged her one Thomas More time."It's okay. We'll post your love…"



Chapter 5

Re, my pet gens for Adrianna, and I rode in my truck on the way to the hospital. It was all the way on the other side of town, so it was a bit of a drive to get there. We lived in one of those towns that was just small enough to only consume one hospital, and just big enough for it to shoot forever to get there when you needed it.

I looked over at Re while she chewed on her quarter round nail, her own, private, skittish tick…

She needed to get her mind off of her vexation, or at to the lowest degree that was the impression that I got just looking at her. That, in bend, meant I needed to talk to her, get her mind away from her worry…

"Re, why does everyone cry Aubrey, Roo ?"

She raised an brow at me, her face a mask of shock,"You really don't jazz ?"

I chuckled,"If I knew, I wouldn't ask."

She shook her head at me."You think back when Roo was born don't you ?"

Guilt pounded through me…

Re continued,"Casey was so frighten away. Mom kept trying to get her to tranquillise down, kept telling her that everything was going to be okay, but she kept freaking out. All she wanted was for you to be there when she had Roo. She just kept on about it and on about it…"

I shook my capitulum sadly."And I kept telling her I had finals. And promising her that as soon as she went into trade union movement to call me and I would drop everything, finals or no, and I'd come running."

Re smiled at me."And Casey went into labor, and she called you, and you came running."

I sighed,"And I was too late… A four-hour drive, but still Roo had come before I got there…"Shaking my head I continued,"I thought, stupidly, a four-hour effort is no big slew, who has a child in four hours ?"

Re giggled,"Apparently, Casey managed to take out it off."She shrugged,"And you showed up, her a tired mess, and just beaming that you had finally gotten there. Roo, pillowed on her pectus, and in you walk with this giant hoop of stuff you had put together for her. diaper, and baby dress and shove beast for her and the baby. You looked so pitiful. Just running in like you had just ended the mankind, and set to befuddle yourself onto the pyre to appease the gods."

I shook my head, disgusted at how selfish I had been. My Friend had just wanted me to be there for her while she went through the scariest consequence of her living, and I had come up short… again. I had let her down, again.

"There was one stuffed fauna in there, a kangaroo. Casey loved that kangaroo, and she immediately made it Roo's. She used to make for certain it was in Roo's cot every night. She used to have got it out to her and parrot, over and over, ‘ kangaroo ! ’, ‘ kangaroo ! ’, like she wanted that to be Roo's first word."Re shook her headspring,"And it was. Freaking crazy Casey, every early mom out there trying to get her kid's first word to be ‘ mommy ’, and she's trying to get her kid to say kangaroo…"

I laughed just thinking about it. That just about summed up Casey.

"Turned out it was a giant misunderstanding. Roo carried that goddamn kangaroo everywhere. Only, she couldn't say kangaroo. All she could say was Roo ! She would run around and adjudge that stupid stuffed animal out to everyone and yell, Roo !"She shrugged,"So people started calling her Roo."

I shook my head at her, giving her a promptly glance."How was shoal this yr ?"

She shrugged,"OK, I guess."

I raised my supercilium at her."You excited about finally heading to high schoolhouse ?"

She shook her drumhead,"Not really. I mean, I know it will be just school again, but it still feels weird."

"You going out for cheerleading or something ?"

She scoffed."With those bimbos ? No way. I'm going out for volleyball, be an honest athlete !"She tried on a smile, beaming proudly,"How about you ? How's schooltime going ?"

I sighed and rolled my oculus. I held my pinky out to her. It was our piddling thing, our deal that we would say the truth, and what we said was between only us. There were a lot of days between us, but we were still close, and neither of us would make bold develop the trust of a pinky promise.

She gave me an, ‘ are you kidding me ?'look and took my pinky in hers.

"Not good."I finally admitted.

She pulled her hand from mine,"Why not ?"

I shook my school principal."I mean, it's okay. My form are slipping a bit but not by much, at least probably not enough to worry about. I'm working too many time of day, freaked out about money, but most of it is I just feel like I'm wasting my time. Like I'm doing something I'm going to end up hating. I clerk in a law office and more often than not I deal with other attorneys and every time I do they revolt me. I really don't want to end up like that. I don't want to go that kind of person…"

She tilted her head at me,"plosive worrying about that. You'll never be that individual. Lawyers get a bad rap a lot of the time. You see the flashy ones, the I that are out there all the prison term. The big defense attorney or the ambulance chasers. It seems to me like a lot of lawyers must just be near, tranquilize citizenry and because they're quiet, their impingement never really gets seen…"

I made a aspect."Also, I'm struggling with getting into a law school that I like. Like I said, my grades are slipping a bit, but mostly I'm struggling with the cost."

She nodded,"That sucks."

I shrugged."It is what it is…"

I held my pinkie back out to her, closing our promise and letting her know that we were done with our enigma. She took my finger with her own… giggling gently at my stupidity.

We passed the eternal sleep of the trip in small talking, catching up. She babbled on about her young man, which I already knew about from Deb. Dad didn't like him. Not one, teeny, diminutive bit.

Not surprise, but I wanted to feed her a short bit of credit. The guy, from what I had been told, didn't seem like an absolute bozo, and knowing Adrianna, he was probably a pretty goodness guy. Now granted, I wanted to open her the welfare of the doubtfulness, but it was still something that now that I was back in town, I was going to lead a minuscule clip to look into. I was still her big brother, and a good big pal has certain responsibilities.

When we got to the infirmary we went straight to the gift shop.

"What are we doing ?"Re asked me.

"I'm not showing up empty handed, and neither are you. Pick out some flowers for mom."I told her.

She held up her purse and started to bet inside. She grimaced a bit."I only have like, about 12 dollars…"

I wrapped my arm around her and smiled,"I got it, I'll concealment you."

"You sure ? I can pay you back…"

I smiled at her,"Yeah, I'm sure. And no, you don't need to pay me back."

We both picked out flowers, and as I was heading to the cash register I found something that caught my eye…

They had a set of kangaroos. There was a momma kangaroo, and a child kangaroo. The momma was big, about as big as Casey's body. The sister was much smaller, and nested into the momma's pouch. They were a set, a bloody expensive set, but a set nonetheless. I looked at Re and raised my eyebrows, holding the kangaroos up,"What do you call up ?"

She pushed down a smirk, tilting her head,"slip and Roo will get it on them."

I nodded,"A good thank you gift ?"

She chuffed at me, rolling her eyes,"Yeah, sure. You tell yourself whatever you have to…"

I gave her a look that told her to stow it…

We paid and went upstairs. Stopping in at the nurse's place we found which room Deb was in. The nurse also informed us that visiting hours ended in xv minutes…

I nodded at Re,"Looks like it will be a short visit."

She shrugged, and I could see that particular brand of worry and excitement that marked how interest she was start to phlebotomize into her trunk linguistic process,"At least we can see her. At to the lowest degree I can see she's alright."

I wrapped my arm around her as I smiled at her,"She's going to be alright. She's a knotty old bird."

We walked to the room together, bursting in, flowers and smiles a plenty.

My dad's face darkened the instant we walked into the room,"Adrianna. I told you your mom needed rest."

My face darkened in paying back."It wasn't her margin call, dad. I decided to follow and unless you want her seance at rest home alone, she was forced to come along for the ride. If you want to get pissed off at person, get pissed off at me."

He ground his teeth as Adrianna squealed and ran to her mom.

I chose to ignore him and focalize instead on Deb, who was sitting up in the bed. She was a tall woman. Thin, with dark hairsbreadth and twinkling oculus. She looked tired, but was still beautiful. Well, maybe not beautiful, she wasn't modelling fabric, but she was definitely pretty, several division above my dad's league, for sure. She was the type of cleaning lady that went without makeup most meter, favoring instead a rude look. Normally that lent a healthy freshness to her skin, but tonight it just made her flavor tired. She was wearing a infirmary robe and had one of those little O tube thingies in her nose.

She broke out of Adrianna's hug and held her arm out to me, offering to let me in on it. I held up my prime,"For you."

She smiled,"They're beautiful Jakey."

I set them down on the standstill next to her and let myself be pulled in for a unaccented hug.

When she pulled away from me she looked at my face with disapproval…"Oh, baby boy, what happened to your nose ?"

I smiled, a jolt of pain snapping through my face,"Well, I guess my girlfriend broke up with me…"

Deb laughed,"With a powerful hook ?"

I shook my header,"No, it was a left."

She covered her lip as she laughed at me…

I sat on the edge of her bed and let her enjoy the present moment, figuring it was worth the hit to my pride to cave in her a moments enjoyment at a time when she could probably really use a pick me up.

She finally broke the muteness by saying,"I'm surprised you came, honey."

I pulled away from her and looked at her,"My mom ends up in the hospital, and I come directly dwelling house. Them's the rules."

She raised her eyebrows at me,"I thought this was final exam week ?"

I shook my head at her,"I'm mostly done. I just have to…"my headland dropped."Shit."

Her face wrinkled up,"What ?"

I shook my question, looking at the floor,"I was going to say… I just need to wrench in a report on business law… but it's on my laptop computer, and I just realized that I left my freak out laptop at home…"

My dad snorted.

Thanks for the keep, dad… I thought.

She sighed at me."So, you need to go home."

A view occurred to me then,"Nope. I saved it on my Dropbox. I'll borrow Casey's estimator and I can deplume it down and get off it to my professor. Crisis averted."

She smiled at me."What about work ? Don't you have to work ?"

I shrugged."Turns out I don't have a job anymore."

"Big surprise ..."dad muttered.

Mom gave him a feeling that clearly told him to shut the fuck up."What do you mean honey, what happened ?"

I smiled at her,"I called my boss and told him you were in the hospital and that I needed a couple daylight off. He told me if I didn't come in tomorrow I was fired. So, I guess I'm fired."

Deb gave my dad a heavily feeling. I could distinguish it was one of those pre-emptive glances that promised him an ass chew if he opened his sass and said one more countersign,"love, you shouldn't have done that…"

I kissed my mom on the forehead,"Worth it,"I told her, nodding,"for you. I'll find something else. No big deal."

She took a deep breath, steadying herself."Maybe you should go household. betwixt schooling and your job, if you leave now, you can be back in the morning."

"Nope. You're sick. I'm staying until we get this sorted out. It'll be okay."I tried to will conviction and a sentiency that the topic was not open for debate into my stare.

She put her hand on my face."I'm going to be okay. kibosh worrying about me. You have a life to live, and that needs to be your precedency sometimes…"

I gave her an ‘ are you kidding me ?'smell."You passed out mom. You have some sort of lump in your pharynx. It made you hold on breathing. I'm staying until we get this figured out."

She held her neck opening up,"It's just a small lump. See ? And I didn't stop external respiration. It just made it grueling to breathe and the air getting cut off caused me to pass out."

I raised my eyebrows. I could see the lout, just to the right of her esophagus.

I gave my dad a night look."How could you have not noticed this ?"

He gritted his teeth at me, narrowing his eyes.

Deb cut me off,"I hid it from him. I had a medico's appointment later in the hebdomad. I didn't want to worry anyone."

My centre snapped back to her."How'd that employment out ?"

My dad growled at me,"picket your tone with her boy."

I started to snap back to him, a sharp word on my knife, he had pushed my clitoris just about as long as I was going to let him. Deb shut me down,"It was dazed. I shouldn't have hidden it from everyone. Don't starting blaming each other. I made a choice and it turned out to be a bad one that's now worrying everyone… and I'm sorry."

She looked at each of us in good turn, sighing,"I'm sorry. To all of you, but please, break off passing play rap around. I need you all to get along. delight ?"

I nodded,"I'm sorry."

Dad stood up, looking at me and Adrianna,"Guys, it was nice of you to come up,"he started.

I cut him off,"Can I talk to you in the hall for a irregular ?"

His eyes narrowed."If you want."

"Please don't fight you two…"Deb said. I could hear a touch of sadness in her voice and I knew dad and I must be exhausting. We never had the respectable of relationships, but since I had been a teen we had been going at it, bumping forefront, pretty very much replete time. It was worse now, but it had never been very good to begin with. A region of me wanted to say that was because we were so different, that we just saw the macrocosm so much differently, but as I got sure-enough I realized it was because we were just too much alike. We had our own ways of looking at affair, and both of us were too stupid and stubborn to back down. The more one of us pushed, the harder the other pushed back, and it just seemed to create a vicious cycle of one of us constantly escalating our conflict.

For the inaugural metre in my aliveness, I started to feel bad about that. I thought back to all of the times Deb had needed to step between us and make peace. I realized how plaguey that must be constantly. Feeling ashamed of myself, I shook my brain at her, trying to hold her plosive speech sound torment."We won't."

Deb looked at dad,"Bruno Walter ?"Her smell brooked none of his crap.

His eyes snapped from me, to her, back to me."I'll be good."

Dad and I stepped out into the hall together. He crossed his branch over his chest."Say your peace."

I took a cryptic breathing space, forcing my anger down. I refreshed my promise to myself to not fight with him, for Deb's sake. She had enough on her plateful, she didn't need to be wasting energy worrying about dad and I, just because we couldn't be mature for long enough to get along… I had no control over how he reacted or the selection he made, but I could control my own actions and right now, I promised myself that I would say what needed to be said, right up until it started to call on into an line, and then I would back off…

I made myself wait at the floor, trying to remit off some horse sense of aggression. Taking a abstruse breath, I dove into the conversation. It was sort of like steeling myself to dive into icy water,"look. I know you're pissed at me for whatever reason. I get that. We need to push past that shit rightfulness now."

His jaw clenched.

I started to discharge on him, to charge him, to find fault. At the shoemaker's last second, I decided that the substantially thing I could do was shift gears…

"Why didn't you bring Adrianna with you to the hospital ?"I wanted to shout out at him, but a realized that asking a interrogative conferred to him I wasn't trying to point blame, I was seeking understanding… that I wanted to understand his choices and motivating. By seeking understanding, one wasn't placing blame, they were communicating that they may not agree with a decision, but they also were not seeking to rupture someone else down.

His reply was curt,"I don't answer to you when it comes to Adrianna, or Deb."

I held my manus up, trying to elude off his anger,"I get that. I'm not accusing. I'll admit, I jumped to a termination on it, and that's not fair to you. I'm genuinely asking, giving you the benefit of the doubt. You must possess seen something about the situation I don't understand. I want to understand, so I'm asking."

He was taken off safeguard, I could tell. Normally, I would let laid into him, I would take in yelled at him for leaving Adrianna behind. I would accept called him stupid, and selfish. This metre, I was seeking understanding.

He turned away from me, and I could tell, he hadn't really thought about it himself. He finally put his helping hand on his hips, and when he turned back there were the root of tears in his eyes.

He shook his brain, and I could tell it killed him to allow in it,"I kind of panicked."He stopped and took a deep breathing space,"All I could think of was helping your mom. I just recall thinking I didn't want to be tripping over Adrianna too, or dealing with her panicking while I was trying to help your mom."

I looked at him, trying to will myself to be understanding. I knew he loved Deb, that she was his whole world. She was the rock candy he had built the instauration of his life on. He loved Adrianna and I, even if he had a tough metre showing it, but Deb gave him the stableness he needed to interact with the world, hell, to even interact with his own kids.

The true statement was, the situation seemed terribly selfish of him to have done, but the truth of the matter was, dad was homo and he had just panicked.

"Do you empathize how fatal that could make been ?"I asked.

He looked at the floor. I could recite he was having a hard meter wrapping his brainpower around it. He was never the most empathic man. He was a proficient man, a man that genuinely tried to do the right thing in everything he did, yes, but an empathetic man ? No.

He shook his head,"Maybe."

I shook my chief at him,"Don't you get it ? I know you love Deb. I know she's your whole Earth, but she's Adrianna's mom. You shouldn't have sent Re away. If something had happened,"I held my workforce out,"piece of ass god forbid she had died, Re would have never forgiven you."I searched his face, hoping against hope that I was getting through to him."Right now, we need to force together and be a phratry. We have to take care of each other, and driving poor boy between each early is the death thing we need."

He closed his middle and took a breathing space, shaking his psyche,"You're right."

I was floored.

He continued."I panicked. All I could think about was that I didn't want Adrianna to have to take in her mom die. How I didn't want to let to observe her mom die…"

I put my hired man on his articulatio humeri, giving it a reassure squeeze,"Look, don't be so hard on yourself. I just want you to think about what you're doing. That is going to be super important in the coming days and calendar week. We all need to be on the Saami page, okay ?"

He looked at me, nodding.

"One other thing."I added, hoping I was still building on a serious foundation.

He looked at me, his face seemed open.

I shook my psyche and spread my hands,"I know you're pissed at me. I'm not asking you to break off being mad at me, but for right now, we've got to put a pin in that. Deb needs to focus on resting, and getting safe, and if she's constantly on guard that you and I are going to go for each former's throat she can't do that."I held my hand out to him,"Truce ? For now ? Until Deb can get better, then you can go back to hating me."

I could assure, being so blunt with him about our relationship, about how far out of control it had gotten, was like a punch to the gut. He nodded, and took my hired hand, shaking it firmly."Truce."

I started to turn back to the room, and he reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me up short."You did sound getting here…"

I turned back to him. It was the foremost kind thing he had said to me in years… pretty much since I had left for college.

Sighing,"Thanks."

He looked at the story, breaking my gaze,"How bad is taking off really going to sleep with you up ?"His eyes snapped up to me,"Be honest. Deb would never forgive herself if you messed up your future to be here."

I started to argue and he cut me off,"Don't down sell it. Be honest."

I shrugged, putting my hands in my pockets,"I'll find a way to make it work. I need to get that paper figured out. The job is probably gone,"I shrugged,"but to be honest, the job is a diddly-shit job, and I'm starting to earn that all I was really doing there was making someone else rich. Besides,"I added,"done is done. I think I made the right choice."

He put his hand on my shoulder,"I'm proud of you."

Wow… he was really going for broke tonight.

"Thanks."

We were interrupted by the nurse."Guys, visiting hour are over. Need you to go home, let her get some rest."

My dad folded his arms across his bureau and gave her a house look.

I stepped in,"Ma'am. I appreciate what you're saying. My sister and I will go home plate, but I don't think you're going to be able-bodied to pry my dad out of here tonight… at least not without causing a huge scene…"

She looked from dad, to me, then back to dad. Finally, she nodded,"okeh. But she needs rest."Her feeling got firmer,"One job, and you're out of here, got it ?"

I held my helping hand up,"We're gone."I looked at dad,"Cool if I stay at the home tonight ?"

He nodded,"Can you keep an eye on Re ?"

"No problem."

I collected my sister and we headed back to my truck.

Getting in, I looked at her. She looked so small and fragile, but I could tell seeing her mom had helped her, like it had put a little air back into her sheet.

She was starting to get her arm wrapped around this matter. Stuck at the business firm with Casey, all she could do was sit and fret, concern and stool up problem. Now that she had seen her mom, sick, but okay, the state of affairs must have felt so much more doable.

"feeling better now ?"I asked her.

She gave me a shy smile and nodded."Yeah. Thanks, Jakey."

I grabbed her and pulled her in for a hug.

We rode in secrecy for a while, the only if sound the grumbling of the locomotive engine. Finally, Re broke the silence.

"Jakey, can I ask you something ?"her phonation was quiet, almost shy.

I gave her a quick glance and a smile,"Of path kiddo."

She bit her lip and I could tell she was trying to project out how to put whatever it was she had on her mind."Were you and Casey ever a matter ? Like… like a couple ?"

I looked at her, surprised by what she had asked. I had expected her to ask about her mom, worry about what was going to happen, pretty much anything but that.

I shook my head,"No. We've always been honorable Quaker, but never anything more than that."

I felt a wave of sadness settee over me at having admitted it…

She nodded,"Why not ?"

I took a deep breathing spell and finally allowed a shrug,"Just never happened. Why do you ask ?"

She nibbled on her nail again."I just always got the imprint the two of you were in love."

I snuck a prompt glimpse at her,"What gave you that impression ?"

She looked at me,"Just a feeling."

Her eyes found the road ahead of us, and she paused for a few s before continuing,"I mean, when I was young, before I really understood boy and fille, it made sense that you just were friends. It made horse sense that you hung out and that was that. As I got older I started to actualise how weird you guys'human relationship was. boy and fille just aren't friends like that. When I was a picayune younger I just kind of assumed that the two of you had just figured out the secret, like you had found the swindle computer code that let two teenage kids be friends without it having to be a sex thing. Now though, I watch the two of you and you're just drawn together. Like gravity."

She sat quietly for a few seconds, trying to absorb her thought together so that it made sense. I sat patiently, letting her figure out what she wanted to say, and how she wanted to say it.

Finally, she broke the secrecy,"In science grade, we watched this moving picture on how solar systems are formed. It had a crowd of computer animation that showed how everything comes together. One of them was on binary star solar systems. How two suns would take shape, or how two solar systems would merge. Each sun would just kind of stop, and they would both dance around each other. Everything else in the solar system would orbit around the two suns, but those two, they would just screen of dance around each other, each pulled by the others'graveness. They didn't ambit one another, but they form of danced around a central point."

She looked back to me, a balminess coming over her face, her part dropping to almost a reverent tone,"That's what I think of when I see the two of you together. Like tonight, when you pulled her in. Both of you just sort of gave in to the gravity. I thought you were going to snog her…"

My left eye started itching and I stopped to scrape it."It's not love kiddo. We're just really unspoilt protagonist. We've been really safe champion for a really long time, and yeah, it's a short weird because of the boy/girl thing, but we make it work."

"So, you guys never tried to lay down it into something else ? Something more ? Something… upright ?"she asked.

I laughed, a short, dismissive bark,"Define better."

She looked me up and down and I could see a unhappiness there that mirrored some of my own."I think what you have with Casey is rare. The friendly relationship is nice, but I think you two could be so much more if you just worked at it."

I shook my head, sighing,"Kiddo. I know it's hard to enfold your head around. Hell, it's hard for me to enwrap my heading around, but sometimes it's substantially to settle for something that makes you happy and not risk everything betting on something that might make you felicitous. Casey and I have each other. If we pushed it beyond that, yeah, maybe we end up as a couple, but… maybe we stop being friends. Maybe we end up hurting each other in a way that can never heal. I think both of us just realized that if one of us, or the former started pushing it, we could unravel the whole thing."

She looked back out at the road, biting her nail again. She was obviously hesitating to ask me something…

After what seemed like forever, she finally found the courage,"Do you love her ?"

I felt a surge of emotion in my chest, like a tidal waving hitting some hidden wall I had set up.

The reply to that head was a truth I didn't want to admit to. Not to her, hell, maybe not even to myself…

It was my play to be quiet for a good long time. She waited for me, patiently…

"Yeah, as a friend I do. I mean it's rugged to settle out. My friendly relationship is unlike with Casey than it is with my guy Friend. The love I have is different for each of them."

She turned back to me and narrowed her centre. I could instantly order my answer was not satisfactory for her."Do you suppose she's hot ?"

I smiled, well, more of a smirk, and told her,"I try not to recall about that. She's my friend, and that's not something I want to put on her."

A big hoot eating grin facing pages over her face."What a stinky answer ! Okay, so, if she wasn't your friend, and you were just hanging out in a bar and she walked over to you and started flirting with you, would you mean she's hot then ?"

I smiled at her, knowing she had me,"Yes."My nous went to a very adult oriented corner as I pictured her, opinion of her balmy curve ball and angles, her hair, her face, her beautiful smile. Her fully body…

I forced my mind away from such thoughts…

She nodded, knowing she was backing me into a corner.

"And would you flirt back with her ?"

I rolled my eyes,"Yes."

She spread her mitt,"So, you have a girl you think is beautiful, and who you are amazing booster with, and you don't think that maybe it might be worth it to take up a guess ? To at to the lowest degree talk to her about it ?"She sat for a second, gathering fleece, like a view had just occurred to her for the number one time and even she was surprised by it,"time lag, have you two ever even talked about it ?"

I looked at her quickly, my eyes darting between her and the road,"No."

She sighed at me, shaking her head,"You are so stupid."

I laughed,"Look, you're too Pres Young to get it. Sometimes having a unspoilt friendship is better than all the former relationship stuff. I don't need all that other stuff, and neither does Casey."

Something about what I said riled her the hell up. I could see her face drop-off a lot of the playful banter and something like ira hardened her features.

She dropped all her playfulness and her eyes bored into me."You've been gone too long. You need to remember, you only see your position of things now."She shook her head at me,"Don't speak for Casey, and don't think you know everything she's thinking. You should probably at least think that she sees you differently now…"

I shook my question, gaining some intellect. Re just didn't understand Casey and I well enough. She was after all, just a kid.

She pressed her vantage though,"Let me throw you a conjectural. Tonight, we get menage, and as soon as we do Casey comes running over. She pulls you aside and she tells you that she's been poor fish for old age. That she loves you, and not as a friend. She tells you that she wants to be in a relationship with you. She tells you that what she feels for you is so much more than what she should feel for a friend. What do you say ?"

The sluicegate in my judgment splashed spread and the touch of what she was saying flowed over me. I could feel myself pulling Casey into my arms. I could feel the heart beating in my chest as the conditional relation of what Re was saying overmaster me…

I nibbled at my lip and sighed, really afraid of the implications of what that string of thought meant…

Finally, I fessed up to it,"I'd probably say let's give it a go."

She smiled at me smugly,"So. What you're really saying with all this bullshit about ‘ we're just friends and that makes us both well-chosen !'shit, is that you're too scared to ask for something More than what you have, right ?"

I gave her a dark look."No. Not necessarily."

I felt my brain hit a speed jut. I knew what she was saying. worse still, I knew she was right.

"So, what if she's scared too ? What if, the only affair that is keeping you and her from being together is that both of you are just too chickenshit to allow it to the other ?"

I chewed on that for a sec, letting my head go down all the potency alley and pitfalls what she was suggesting might sustain. Sad as it was to say, she had a damn dear point…

Finally, I nodded my school principal, I allowed her the power point."Maybe you're right about the scared thing."I held a hired man up to forestall her pushing her breaker point even farther,"But you're wrong about one thing. That would not be the alone thing keeping us apart."

She looked at me and I could see a dingy swarm of choler bed cover over her look,"What ? Roo ? You're saying you're too serious for her because she has a kid ?"

That hit me totally by surprise…

"What ? No ! I don't fear about Roo. I was talking about the fact that I have school. I mean, right now, I can afford to bail, I'm off for the summertime, so I have a few month here that are pretty very much resign, but come crepuscule time, I'm going to own to go back. Let's say Casey and I fall madly in love. We run off and start a felicitous household together. What happens next Sept ? We just wave at each other as I go back to schooling ?"I shook my capitulum at her,"corporate trust me, I've seen plenty of citizenry try to take out off the long-distance thing. near mass can do if for a pair month, but a unhurt twelvemonth ? And then, what about law schooling ? I just go off to that and allow for her here ? Where does it end ?"

Re looked at me like I was crazy,"What, are you fucking stupid ? Take her with you when you go back !"

I spread my hands,"Just pee her give up her all life here ? Make her pass away from everything she knows ?"

Now she looked at me like I was speaking a extraneous language…"Give up what, stupefied ? Her glamorous life as a single mother ? Her pretty a good deal non-existent social lifespan ? The ever so important job of scanning groceries ? Versus the alternative ? She can go off and live with person she loves while they become a fucking lawyer ? Wow, how is she going to get over the heartache caused by that ? You know how lie with alone she is, stupid ? Every night."She emphasized each word,"She goes home to a three-year-old. I'm sure that's stimulating conversation. Let's say she goes out on a date. You know how many guys are just going to run straight for the mound as soon as she mentions that she has a kid at household ? Not that it fucking matter if they did, because you know how many dates I've seen her go on since Roo came along ? None !"She shook her foreland at me disgustedly, and crossed her arms,"Get over yourself."

I was surprised at how angry she was. How quickly I had gotten under her skin…

What she was saying made sense… but it was still a lot to lease in.

I shook my oral sex, suddenly overwhelmed and feeling like I had maybe been too stupe to figure things out.

My respect for Re grew greatly in that consequence. She may only be fourteen, but in some ways, she was a hell of a lot smarter than I was. She had a lot Sir Thomas More figured out… or at the to the lowest degree she was a hell of a lot more observant than I had been in the past three years…

She shook her head at me, her angriness suddenly gone."I just see the two of you. Both of you seem so sad all of the time."Her eyes found mine as I glanced at her again,"Unless you're with each other. Then, both of you seem like the world can't skin senses you."She looked me up and down."I'm not saying you should assume the plunge, I'm just saying, think about it. score a conscious decision about what you're doing. Don't just let inactiveness make the decision for you. Maybe talk with each early and ready sure you're both on the Saame page with being happy just being friends…"

I shook my school principal and sighed, confused beyond belief."I will. I mean, I'll think about it."

She nodded at me, going silent.

We sat in secretiveness for a minute or so when she looked at me again."So… have the two of you ever…"She made a clinch motion with her hands and moved them back and forth,"you know… ?"She made some grunting audio to punctuate her point.

I sat there in stunned silence…

She wasn't asking what I thought she was asking…

She just sat and kind of looked at me.

I couldn't even speak…

Finally, I realized that she wasn't going to actually say anything else. The thought caused me to snap back to life."What ? No way ! Are you fucking kidding me ? Are you asking me what I think you're asking me ?"

She rolled her center at me,"Come on, we're both adult here…"

I held my finger out to her,"No. No we are not, ‘ both grownup ’, here. I'm an adult. You're a child."

She raised her eyebrows,"So you two haven't had sex ?"

My eyes went encompassing,"That's totally private !"

She smiled,"So that's a yes ?"

I shook my caput vehemently."Why would you ask me that ? !"

She looked forward and shrugged, her voice going tranquillity,"I just thought, you know, maybe Roo was yours."

I felt like I had been dropped in a thick, cold pool…

Roo ? Mine ?

A strange smell smashed to the forefront of what I was feeling. A tender feeling, like coming home…

Then it withered and died on the vine. Replaced by something cool and reptilian. An unpleasant emptiness as I realized that no matter how a good deal I wanted something, it wasn't true.

I shook my header,"Roo's not mine."

She looked me up and down again."You're sure ?"

I sighed deeply. I really didn't want to talk about this with her… it was too private, too… painful.

"I'm sure."

She held her hands out,"You're sure because you used tribute ?"

"Protection ? !"I sputtered. She started to answer and I stopped her,"Stop. No. Stop. I can't cerebrate about that !"

She giggled at me as I tried to collect my thoughts.

Finally, it struck me as peculiar. I laughed under my breath as I shook my headspring at her."No. Not because I used protection."

Again, that unhappiness filled me.

She held her mitt out,"So you didn't use protection, so it's potential that Roo might be yours ?"

I held my paw out on the rack, spreading my fingers, begging her mentally to just stop…

"No. Because as much as I'd like Roo to be mine."I stopped, my brain starting to wrap up itself around that knockout of a thought…

I realized suddenly that there was a office of me, hell, a declamatory parting of me, a character of me that I had never before allowed myself to allow in existed…

Was upset because Roo was not mine…

"No… Roo can't be mine… because Casey and I have never…"

Her eyebrows shaft up,"Had sex ?"

I spread my paw against the steering roulette wheel."Yes. We've never had sex."

She looked at me like some unusual bug splattered on the windscreen."Ever ?"

I looked at her in jolt."No. Never."

She shrugged,"Have you two ever… done former affair ? Like maybe you two were playing and maybe some fluid got somewhere it shouldn't have ?"

"playacting ? ! Fluid ? ! What the hell !"I gasped.

She giggled at me again,"What ? I'm not innocent. I'm 14. I have access to a data processor and the internet with no parental filter…"

A mental picture snapped into my mind I desperately wished I could wash clean… I was going to need to pour bleach into my ears when I got home plate. Some very strong bleach…

"Gross… that mental photo is going to hold fast with me…"I muttered.

She gave me an pained look."It's not that big a deal. If I was your petty sidekick and not your little sister you wouldn't say shit about it."

I laughed, shaking my head as I realized she was right. I shrugged,"I guess you're right field. In fact, if you were my little sidekick I'd probably have some site recommendations for you."

She hit me in the arm as we both laughed our asses off.

Once the fit passed she pressed on,"So, is that possible ? Maybe you two just weren't careful ?"

I shook my head at her."No. Not possible. We have not treated each early as vacation spot equipment."

She frowned."So… you've never seen her naked ?"

I threw my drumhead back…

Taking a thick breath, I told her,"I didn't say that. I just said, we've never had sex. We've never…"

She looked at me like I was holding back,"But you've seen her naked ? So, it's possible that maybe Roo is yours ?"

I raised an eyebrow at her,"Maybe you're understanding of baby making mechanics is off, but knowing what she looks like defenseless doesn't mean value it's possible I got her pregnant."

She laughed,"I understand the mechanics of it asshole ! You're not giving me often detail to make off of !"

I laughed back at her, shaking my head. It was plain she was going to ferment this like a dog with a bone…

I licked my lips nervously, and took a abstruse breath to get set for this…

Finally, I looked at her soberly,"You remember, we're under pinkie promise right now ?"

She nodded,"Yeah."

I pointed a finger at her."I'm grievous. You tell no one what I'm about to secern you. Not mom, not dad, and certainly not Casey. I shouldn't even tell you this, but I know you're going to go screwball if I don't."

She crossed her eye,"Promise."

I took a beat to cogitate."One other affair. We were youth. Really Cy Young. You don't have got this against Casey. Got it ?"

She held up two fingers,"Promise."

I gripped the steering rack tightly, trying to center myself."I've seen Casey bare. But I know Roo is not mine. We might consume played physician when I was like thirteen or XIV. It wasn't sexual per se, it was just us both being curious, comparing chip and bit. There was no rival, or at to the lowest degree not much touching… and no… fluids."

She giggled."You're such a prude !"

It was my go to look at her like she was crazy."So, unless Casey has the gestational period that is somewhat more impressive than my knowledge suggests, I think I'm in the clear."

I went quiet…

The sadness quietly seeping in. It was surprising that the thought of not being Roo's Father-God was so disappointing.

"By the clip Casey got pregnant… it had been a retentive time since we had had any chance for Roo to be ours. We just had a few multiplication when we got odd, just kid hooey. Figuring things out. When Casey got pregnant I already had a commodity estimate of the mysteries of the distaff body."

She nodded, thinking…

"Why are you harping on this so seriously ?"I asked her.

She looked at me, business organisation showing on her expression."I guess I just thought Roo reminded me of you. I mean, not in looks. In looks she looks just like her mom. It was just something in her eyes, in the way she acts."She shook her head,"must just be something Casey passed on to her, like the stupe kangaroo thing."

I looked at her and smiled."Or I'm lying…"

Her jaw dropped,"No ! We were under pinky promise ! You're not allowed to lie !"

I laughed at her and rock my head,"I'm not lying."I sighed…"In fact, storm as it is for me to admit, a role of me wishes Roo was mine. Even if it was an accident."I smiled at Re,"I think Casey and I would get one amazing kid together."

She shook her head at me sadly. Pointing her finger at me,"See. It's bastard like that, that I'm talking about."

I didn't want to get back on that track…

"Okay…"A thought occurred to me then, sudden offense splashing over me,"delay a moment ! You seriously thought that I'd get Casey pregnant and then take off on her ?"

She paused, her oculus slowly walking back and Forth while she thought of a unspoilt lie…"No…."

"pinky promise !"

She threw her head back and spread her hands."okey. Maybe I thought that. If you had asked me last twelvemonth, I would have got said yes. Now, I mean just now, when I started to talk to you about it,"she rolled her hands around each other,"I just thought maybe you two had been fooling around and you just weren't heedful enough… maybe there was another guy in the situation… maybe things got complicated…"

A glowering cloud passed over my nous,"Re. Casey is not that form of person. She's not the kind to ‘ romp around'and she's certainly not the form of person to be fooling around on someone."

She held her hands up,"Okay, okay. No pauperism to get nettlesome about it. I just wanted to ask."

I shook my head at her…

We again went silent.

She again broke the silence…

"So how old were you when you…"she again made that squishing movement with her custody,"when you first…"

I froze abruptly, everything clicking in place. Yes, a good part of this was satisfying her curiosity about me and Casey, but a declamatory part of it was about satisfying her need to empathize sex in general. Casey and my relationship must have represented a secret to her, how a boy and a lady friend managed to be friend and address the issue of sex within that family relationship. It may not directly link to her own place, but it still fueled her desire for cognition, and to interpret a subject that must hold been deeply intriguing for her.

I thought back to my own daylight of being fourteen and trying to envision out all this sex stuff.

How it all seemed to be a big secret. How nobody seemed to want to blab about it, and everyone seemed so repressed. cypher that mattered seemed to accept the solution, and those that did have the result made it weird to talk about…

"Have you talked to your mom about this ?"I asked cautiously.

She made a nerve,"Ewww… no !"

Fuck ! I thought desperately. I was hoping she'd be more comfortable bringing these doubt there…

This was not a talk I wanted to have… she was my little sister after all…

Problem was. If I didn't have it with her, who was going to ? I mean, I was sure Mom at least had sat down with her and explained the basic principle. Dangers, things that needed to be watched out for. well-nigh probably even the excited booby trap that needed to be taken into report. I also realized that as deeply embarrassing as that conversation was, Re nigh likely had tuned out for most of it at worst, and at dependable had held onto any interrogative she might have had…

Now she was looking to someone she trusted to get those interrogation answered…

I just drew the light straw of being the one to have the discussion…

I blew air out."Okay. fine. Let's do this. Hit me."

She giggled at me,"How old were you your offset time ?"

My face darkened,"A Scheol of a lot older than fourteen… on an unrelated note, how's your boyfriend ? Still eating upstanding solid food ? Because I can serve him with that…"

She rolled her optic at me, giggling like a schoolgirl,"Don't trouble about that… we haven't… done anything."

I raised my supercilium at her,"Sex anything, or anything, anything ?"

She gritted her tooth and looked deeply embarrassed,"We've kissed. That's all."

I laughed at her,"Hey, don't devote me attitude, you started this."

She laughed and shook her head teacher,"So, are you going to tell me, or are you going to evade my interrogative sentence ?"

I narrowed my eye at her,"Sixteen, almost seventeen."

She nodded and bit her lip."And if it wasn't with Casey… who ?"

I shook my head at her,"I'm not going to be that specific."I could see her close up a bit, so I reached out and took her hand for a sec, hoping to make up her understand I wasn't trying to deepen any secret."I'm not rebuking you. I just want you to see that who you have sex with and under what fate is a special thing to be shared between you and them. It isn't a topic of world conversation and it's something that should never be bragged about. Sex can be strictly a physical thing, but if it's done right, it's an act of love, and that makes it a hallowed thing. When you break that trust, you've committed a grievous sin. It's something you should never do, and more importantly, something you should never tolerate from someone. Do you understand ?"

She nodded and gave me a shy smile. I let go of her hand. This was a weird enough conversation, adding holding her hired hand to it was not an chemical element I even wanted to consider.

She nodded, considering her questions,"So, not being specific, was it just a hookup, or a girlfriend ? Someone peculiar ?"

I looked at her. This was going to be unpleasant to explain…

I cleared my throat,"My for the first time time was… not what it should hold been. It wasn't for the right reasons. I started dating this girl…"

Goddamn it ! I thought, this was seriously going to make her dog the Casey angle…

"When I was XVI I fell for Casey severely. I mean really hard."

Her eyebrows shot up.

"I fell in love with her, and not just a little. She was all I could recollect about, day and night. It became like an obsession. I thought about having sex with her, about loving her, about growing old with her. I mean I had always had a bit of a crush on her but one day I woke up, something clicked and I was dragged under."I looked at her,"You asked about whether or not we were ever a couplet, that was as tightlipped as we ever got. I was a neurotic mess. She became my entire world."

I shook my foreland, trying to echo how right that feeling had been, not just so I could excuse it to her, but so that I could feel it again myself."I came pretty blame close to asking her out, Hades, to just flat out telling her I loved her."

Her brows knitted,"Why didn't you ?"

I shook my head at my own stupidity,"Because I was scared. I got it in my stupefied head that I was going to secernate her I loved her and she was going to reject me…"

She nodded,"And then you wouldn't be admirer anymore…"

I shook my straits,"No. I was terrified that she'd eliminate me and then I'd lose her. She'd push me out of her life story and that would be it. No more Casey."I sighed, shaking my oral sex,"I couldn't do that. I made up my mind it was better to just love her and be her friend than risk losing her forever."

She looked at me, a look of pity.

I shrugged,"But that only made it worse. I got more and more obsessed. It was like a knife was buried in my chest and I was trying to travel it constantly. Like she was twisting it in me…"I clenched my jaw… that feeling I could remember…

"Finally, I got it in my stupid forefront that you could only eff one person at a prison term, and since I couldn't love life Casey, I needed to happen someone else to love. I started hitting on this former girl and we started dating."I shook my head,"One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together a few times…"

I sighed in disgust,"And I realized that everything I was doing with her was just to try to blank out what I felt about Casey. I finally got so disgusted with myself I broke it off."

She had a shell-shocked look on her face,"Well… that sucks…"

I smiled and excite my head teacher at her."I guess my point is that matter can get real complicated veridical fast when sex is involved."

She nodded,"Yeah…"

"What about Casey ? When was her first time ?"She asked.

I only considered answering because I could see how tentatively she asked the question. How respectful she was in how she asked it…

I shook my head at her,"I don't know for certain… and again… I don't want you to evaluate her, but I think whoever Roo's father is,"I stopped, feeling sorrow well in my chest,"he was her first. I know she was a hell of a lot smarter than me, and she waited a lot longer."

Re curled in on herself a bit,"Do you think she loved him ? That he loved her ?"

I looked at her, a deep well of sadness pulling me in…"I don't know if she loved him. She doesn't talk about it. Not even with me. I think she beats herself up about it, that she looks down on herself for it."I paused, my unhappiness turning to a boiling wrath, a desire stronger than almost any I had ever felt to wound someone,"But I know he didn't love her, because there's no way in hell he could experience made Roo with her and walked away if he did."

Her face crumpled up a bit and she nodded sadly.

I snuck a glance at her,"So, I'm guessing since you're asking about all of this stuff, you're trying to ca-ca up your mind on when you should give it up ?"

She put on a pained smile and nodded,"form of."

I shook my head,"Do you want to ? Or does he ?"

She shook her head,"He wants to,"she paused,"of course… but…"she took a deep intimation and let it out slowly,"I really do too."

I blew air out through my nose, trying to hold back my judgement on the spot. Yes, she was my little baby. Yes, I knew she was too youth. I also knew making her feel like I was judging her was not going to draw her stop wanting what her eubstance was telling her to do. existence dismissive of her right field now was, in fact, probably the best way to make indisputable she made a really stupefied decision.

I finally realized what to say…

"Do you love Casey ?"I asked.

She nodded, if she caught the sudden variety in topic she didn't register it,"Like she was my sister."

I raised my brow,"And do you recollect she's a hurt person ?"

Her expression turned earnest,"One of the overbold people I know."

I nodded,"And do you respect her ?"

She tilted her head and gave me an ‘ are you kidding me ?'look."More than probably anyone else in the world."

Her paw shot out and hit me in the arm,"Certainly more than I respect your no-good ass."

I laughed, time to set the hook…

"Then before you make this decision, maybe you should ask her what she thinks about these variety of choices…"

There have only been a few clock time in my life when I really made a difference in person else's.

I got the impression, good then and there, that I made a deviation for Adrianna. I could see all the tumbler personal credit line up perfectly for her, could watch as everything fell into plaza. I could see in her eyes that she looked at Casey's situation and for the kickoff fourth dimension she put herself in those shoes and walked a knot. She felt the sadness. Felt the isolation. Felt the sacrifice that Casey made on a day-to-day basis to take care of her child girl.

I could distinguish, she rejected every part of that, but not in a judgmental way. She didn't look down on Casey. She just decided that she had seen her friend go down a very hard path, and while she respected what Casey had managed, she decided to go a dissimilar way…

I also guessed I just cockblocked the shit out of her boyfriend…

Worth it.

She smiled at me, and as we pulled into the driveway she looked at me,"So, about those website recommendations…"

I looked at her in repugnance for a split second…

Then she burst out laughing…



Chapter 6

We went inside. I learned an important lesson that night. When someone you love is sitting in a hospital somewhere, when you don't know how they are doing, how well they are, hell, whether or not they're going to live or die, the quiet sentence are the defective meter. There's nothing to do, but sit, and marvel, and worry, and make up scenarios that one should definitely not be thinking about…

We sat on the lounge in my parent's trailer and tried to find out a film together.

Neither of us seemed all that tired. Both of us seemed unsatisfied as all get out. We had talked each other out, and neither of us seemed all that interested in trying to get to sleep.

Finally, I could use up no more.

I stood,"I'm going to go for a walk. Maybe moving around some will assist me get my brain to exclude the fuck up. Want to make out ?"

She looked up at me from the pillow she had laid out for herself to follow the movie from. She was chewing on her nail again.

She shook her head at me slightly,"No."She lifted her speech sound up,"Fuck. It's almost midnight."

She sighed,"I'm supposed to have volleyball game camp in the dawn. Think I'm going to require to bail on it."

I shook my chief at her."No way."

She looked at me, and I was taken with how much like her female parent she looked."Jakey, my mom is in the hospital. I really don't flavour like playing volleyball properly now."

I knelt in forepart of her and put my hired hand on her hip."Kiddo. Your mom would kill me if she knew I told you this, but she put in a lot of sacrifices to make sure you had the money for that summer camp. If you don't go, she's going to finger like she let you down. Like she took something from you. It would be important to her that you go."

rip started in her eyes."I know. It's just I sit here and all I can remember about is how worried I am that she's going to get sicker…"

She didn't want to say it. She didn't even want to open the door to the possibility that her mom might die.

I licked my lips and tried to focalize my idea. I didn't want to think about mom dying any more than Re did, but I needed to. I needed to think out ahead of this. I needed to be the one that kept their dirt together so if this went sideways I could help keep everyone else centered in the road. I needed to be strong for Re, and for my dad. It would be tough, and I knew I would be hurting just as much as they were if the unthinkable happened, but someone needed to do the job, and I was best equipped.

I looked into her eyes and smiled."Kiddo, things are going to work out. They have to, because I won't let it go down any early way. Right now, sitting here, nether region, tomorrow, sitting here, and worrying your head off, isn't going to do a goddamn bit of dependable. You should go to your camp tomorrow, and you should try to feature fun. You should try to take, and you should live your life like everything is going to be okay, rightfield up until life sentence shows you it isn't going to be. Don't tempt fate. We all just need to go on with some Leslie Townes Hope, and pray things turn out for the best. okay ?"

She gave me a hopeless look."And what if she gets sicker ? What if she gets bad tidings from the doctor tomorrow ?"

I smiled at her, trying to put her at relief,"Then I can do right down to the school and get you. You'll be my for the first time period, and we'll all face this together as a house. Right now, what I need you to do is be a kid. I need you to let me do the adult matter, and you do the kid thing. If you're running circles around your mom's bed at the infirmary all she's going to do is worry about how she's worrying you. You going on like you're not worried is the beneficial thing for her. You want to be strong for her, that's the way you do it, okay ?"

She gave me a pained smiling, and I knew I had said just the flop affair, in just the right way.

She nodded, and with tear rolling down her case she sat up and gave me a big hug. I held her tight, pretending I was the one giving her metier when I knew the verity was that she was supporting me.

She pushed back from me and blew out a deep breath, waving a deal at her boldness to dry her tears. I could see her driving the pain, and the worry down. Could see her exerting iron-willed dominance over it.

"You go for your walk. If I'm going to be at camp tomorrow, I need to get some sleep."

I smiled at her."You go on to bed. I'll hang out here. I don't need to go for a walkway. If you can be tough, so can I."

She crawled off the lounge and walked around behind it, heading back towards her bedroom. She stopped at the door between the living elbow room and the kitchen and turned back to me."Go ahead and go for your walk."She smiled, and I felt my heart lift a little."And say hi to Casey for me."

I smiled at her."Casey is in bed I'm sure. I'm not going to run off and bother her. I really just wanted to get out and burn off some energy."

She nodded, frowning at me, not believing a word I said…"Tell yourself what you have to…"

With that, she turned and walked from the room.

I stayed until I heard her close in the lavatory and heading into her sleeping room and shut the door.

I lied to myself as I pulled the kangaroos I had bought for Casey and Roo out of my truck and told myself that I was just bringing them in grammatical case I happened to walk by and Casey happened to be awake.

My unfaithful feet gave truth to the lie as they headed me heterosexual person towards her place. She had bought the trailer rightfield behind my mom and dad's. In truth, my mom, who had managed the car park for the past few eld, had arranged for her to be able to get the place. Things had gotten tense between her and her mom while she was fraught. Her mom had apparently taken the attitude that her daughter, who was a million times better of a individual than her mother could ever desire to be, was a working girl for getting significant at seventeen. The last-place twin calendar month of the maternity Casey had ended up staying at my parent's place…

She busted her tooshie and got through school early, in fact, just in metre to hold Roo. She always joked that at least she hadn't had to take the air to get her sheepskin while still big as a whale…

After she had Roo, she got her job at the local supermarket. They hired her as a chequer, and that was what she had done for the past tense three years. She used her paltry pay to help oneself pay for her piffling preview, and she worked hard every single day to make believe her life, and her daughter's life, just a piffling bit better than it had been the day before.

My metrical unit crunched in the crushed rock that was set between the trailers as I thought about how low I had felt when I had talked to Casey right after Roo had been born. I had run menage to try to be there for Roo's birth, and I had come up short. I sat down with her, and I begged her to come back with me. To bring fiddling Roo, and come hitch with me. She could take off a new life there. She could go to school with me, and she could live with me until she got her own place. Looking back on it now, I realized, I hadn't been trying to convince her to start a new life history, I had been trying to convince her to descend and start a life with me.

In my own fantasy man, I had gotten it into my head that she'd get along up and she'd live with me for a little spell. She'd start to substantiate that she maybe, maybe she loved me as much as I loved her…

We'd just pretend Roo was mine.

We'd be a family.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as I tried to make my mind saltation away from remembering how she had told me no with tears in her eyes. How she told me she couldn't leave her mother behind, how she needed to feel her own place in the world.

I remembered thinking how hollow out all of those excuses had sounded. I remember thinking that what she was trying to politely tell me was that she wasn't interested in starting a life with me…

I looked up and my substance leapt to see that the lighting in her seat were still on.

I gripped my stupid little kangaroo tighter as I tried to summon up the courage to keep walking…

You have to be either dolt, or crazy to do what you are thinking about doing… I warned myself. You already laid your heart bare for her once… how many clock time are you going to do this to yourself before you realize that she doesn't feel the way about you that you do about her ? Are you seriously going to let the pie in the sky ramblings of a fourteen-year-old kid tear you open like this again ? How many more sentence do you think she's going to put up with this shite from you before she tells you to get lost forever ?

…How many more meter do you call up you can hear her say no before you start to hate her ?

I came around the movement of her trailer and started up the three measure to her porch. My middle were so focused on the front door and my mind so focused on screwing up my courage that I didn't see her sitting there on the measure up, ancient, footling couch she had on the front end porch.

My only warning she was there was when I heard her snuffle, when I saw her move in the darkness. She had the porch light out. She was sitting there in the darkness…

Just enough light poured in from the streetlights around the park for me to do out her wiping at her face.

She had been crying.

My affection crashed into my stomach…

You unintelligent motherfucker. Her friend is in the hospital and she's probably worried sick about her, and here you are thinking about how you can get into her pants ? What is wrong with you ! I thought in disgust.

I wanted to rationalize for bothering her…

All I managed to say was,"Hey."

She sat up a little straighter and sniffled, wiping at her case harder."I'm sorry."

I smiled, even though I knew in the darkness, she couldn't see it. I shook my pass at her,"Don't be sorry. You that worried about her ?"

She jerked her head, nodding…

"Yeah."

I pointed to the lounge next to her."Can I sit for a while ?"

She was facing into the streetlight, so I could see her smile at me,"Please. You can always fare sit with me."

I sat down succeeding to her, faithful to her. Close enough that I could put my arm around her if I dared…

I didn't dare.

She leaned over and put her headspring on my shoulder.

I figured, What the ass ? And put my arm around her, pulling her close.

She didn't complain.

She held up the bottle she had in her lap."Beer ?"

I shook my oral sex,"No thanks. I remember your taste in beer sucks…"

A sob seemed to wreck through her… one she barely caught… and she folded into me like the biography had just been drained out of her.

I dropped the kangaroo I had still been holding in my right hand to the base and pulled her in tighter, hugging her. I put my brim to her head and squeezed her tight, trying to will my strength into her. My fondness was breaking into a million patch just to hear her vociferation. To feel the sob, she held back as they wracked her body.

I kissed her forehead, daring… hoping…

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay…"I whispered, rocking her.

She shook her head and I pulled her in finisher."I got you. I'm here… I'm sorry it took me so long…"

I tried to let her cry herself out, but I also wanted to comfort her…"Kiddo, it's okay. She's going to be okay."

Like that, she took a trench breath and I could feel her shove a glut of emotions down into some deep, iniquity place. Like H2O smoothing as the wind died, she went calm…

That's not good… I thought as I realized that she had just pushed the emotion away from her.

She sat up unbowed and looked at the bottle in her mitt. I figured she'd drainpipe it…

Instead, she set it on the short table she had next to the couch.

I gave her a weak grinning,"Figured you'd down that bitch…"

She gave me a chuckle,"No. I don't need to be that person."

The realization of how obtuse that comment was slammed into me at wide-cut force. Her mom had been that somebody. The one that had turned to a bottle every time things got tough. The one the drowned themselves in strong drink every time there was a problem…

I put the palm of my mitt to the side of her human face, her brass beneath my thumb, her elven ear underneath my finger. I could feel the warmth of her ear on my finger and the wetness of her tears on my thumb. She covered my hand in her own and leaned into it, closing her eyes like she was savoring the contact, like she was sucking up the honey and storing it for some later date.

We twisted so we could face up each other on the lounge, one leg draped over the edge, the human knee of our opposite word leg touching. Once again, I let my helping hand heading behind her neck and I pulled her forehead to mine. We sat that way for a few transactions, our forehead pressed together. Our noses touching. Both of us quietly, gently, moving our question just enough to rub our noses together…

Eskimo kisses…

That was what my mom, my birth mom, had called them. She used to apply them to me every nighttime before we went to bed…

Finally, I could take no more. I pulled away, reaching for the kangaroos…"Here. I got you this."

It was sinister, and I'm sure she had no way to see them, at least not well.

She sat the momma in her lap, her big ft facing her. She grabbed each foot. She ran her fingers over the face of both mom and baby…

She shook her straits, in true statement she shook her whole body…

She was starting to lose her composure again…

"Thank you… Roo's going to roll in the hay it."

I moved closer to her, my breathing space shallowed as I felt an icy wave pause loose in my chest…

That feeling I had told Re about ? The one, the obsession ? That thought where the alone thing that existed in the world was Casey ? How I had told her I didn't remember how it felt anymore ?

I remembered it.

I shook my principal as I took the kangaroo back from her."No."I pulled the joey out of his ma's pocket and held it up for her."This one is for Roo."The momma, I took my left hand and holding the neck between my finger I moved the kangaroos head up and down, making it nod…"This one is for you."

Her human face crumpled as she looked at me…

My god… how can she be so beautiful even when she cries… I thought in wonder…

She pulled the kangaroo out of my hand, hugging it tight. She cried, and all I could do was sit there, my hand on her knee, and be with her.

"Thank you."She finally managed.

I smiled as I felt the lastly of my will sap away…

"I'm sorry…"I whispered as my hand found its way back to the rear of her neck.

Her eyes opened and the weeping stopped… her breathing slowed… I felt her bridge player just start from the kangaroo and onto my leg…

"For what ?"She whispered back to me.

"I can't pretend anymore…"

I pulled her in and kissed her on the lips.

It was a stupid move.

It was a disrespectful move.

I had no right.

As soon as our backtalk met I expected her to commit away. I expected her to push me away. I expected her to scream.

infernal region, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had punched me in the face…

Wouldn't have been the first time a fair sex had punched me in the face…

It wouldn't be the first metre a woman had punched me in the face today…

What I didn't expect was for her lip to dethaw beneath mine as they did. I didn't expect her mouth to unfold for me. I didn't expect her tongue to slip between my sass. I didn't expect to finger her arms come up and enclose themselves around my head.

I sure as fuck didn't expect her to surge up and spread her pegleg over my body…

I got all of those things.

I wrapped my arms around her as she kissed me aggressively, her finger's breadth dancing lightly across my face.

A better man than me might have been able-bodied to keep track of the world. He might make worried about the time wasted in the kinship that had just ended. He might have worried about the job he had just lost. He might ingest even worried about his gruesome mom in the hospital…

I was happy for the first time in my total life history to not be a unspoilt man…

She became my integral world. I felt the shell I had put around my touch for her smash away and the entirety of it all boiled up from within me. My hands found their way beneath her shirt, working their way across the placid muscle of her back.

Her body worked against mine, our bodies finding time with one another. Her external respiration was fast and hard, matching mine in rhythm and pacing. I felt her physical penury for me grow to jibe mine…

And then it hit me I was doing this all wrong…

I wanted her. I wanted to just pick her up and carry her inside. To grovel into bed with her and make love to her. I wanted to forget the worldly concern with her. I wanted to make her forget the world with me…

But more than anything, I wanted her to empathise just how practically I loved her. I needed her to understand that it wasn't just a physical sexual love that drove me. She was beautiful. She had an awing body. I loved the graceful curve ball of her neck opening, and the piano lines of her human face, but more than anything… I loved her soul.

I pulled my sass away from hers,"I love you."I managed to whisper between kisses.

Her mouthpiece moved down the side of my cheek, across my neck,"Stop talking…"she begged.

I shook my head… I needed her to understand…

I needed her to understand I didn't just want to get in her pant. I didn't want to have tonight. I wanted to have tonight and every night from now on. I needed her to understand I couldn't do this unless I could sustain that. There was no way I was going to be able to reckon back at tonight and know that was all I was ever going to have with her…

My hands found their way from her vertebral column to her side. My lips found her cervix as the fire in my chest spread through my body…

"I love you, and I want to be with you…"I whispered,"Not just tonight…"

She stopped kissing me and closed her eyes, a look of pain and something like intense concentration warring on her face. Her coat of arms wrapped around my fountainhead and she kept my pulled close, her forehead against mine.

"Please discontinue talking…"She begged."I just want you to fix love to me…"

Her soundbox shuddered, like she was about to start sobbing again…

I kissed her backtalk again, trying to make her understand that I was going to make thing ok again.

"I don't understand…"my school principal shook,"what's wrong ?"I whispered."What did I do wrong ?"

Her header shook,"I can't. I'm sorry… I can't."

I tried to kiss her again and she pushed me away this time…

And there it is… she doesn't love you. She'll let you have sex with her, but she'll never love you. I thought to myself, my nub starting to bleed.

She slid away from me."You should go."

My sum crashed into my stomach…

She slid out of my lap and turned her backrest to me. I slid forward on the lounge, despairing to explicate myself…

I had ruined everything. I had gambled our total friendship and I had lost. How could I be so pudden-head ?

"I'm sorry…"I whispered…

She shook her header at me,"Please just stop."She turned her case back to me."I'm sorry. This is my fault…"

"Just let me explain…"I begged.

She opened the social movement door. Turning back to me one endure metre,"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore…"

She went inside…



Chapter 7
I carried my sorry ass out of there and went home. I'll admit, I laid there on the couch for a long meter, feeling sorry for myself. How had one day gone so badly ? How had I managed to take literally everything I had and demolish it ?

After a few 60 minutes, I finally managed to devolve asleep. It was a restless, exhausting sleep filled with bad pipe dream. It was one of the prospicient night of my intact life. I knew, on one level, I should be worried about my mom. I should be worried about my future. The only thing I was worried about though, was whether or not Casey was ever going to lecture to me again.

Never again would I get to see her smiling in the sun as she lay succeeding to a swimming trap. Never again would I get to see the raw joy in her eyes as she dove into a plate of bar-be-que ribs I had made for her. I would never again get a two-in-the-morning phone call that woke me up just because she felt alone. I would never see her rise old. I'd never get to wee her soup when she was sick…

I felt adrift and lost…

I woke to a knock on the room access, snapping awake and jumping up from the lounge. I wanted to get the door open as fast as possible as I didn't want the knocking to wake Adrianna up. I felt bad for the poor kid. Sleep and an adult schedule was hard enough on a kid. I knew it had taken her forever to fall asleep shoemaker's last night.

Some prick banging on the threshold first thing in the morning was the last thing she needed.

I rubbed my grimace as I ripped the door overt.

My heart leapt into my throat when I saw Casey standing there in the morning light. I tried to swallow…

roll in the hay me in the ass with a wooden spoonful ! I thought, panicking.

This was so not fairly ! She didn't even present me a fortune to come up with some variety of explanation ? Some opportunity to come up up with some sort of semi-believable lie we could tell each other to try to feel some way through this ? Just an betimes dayspring ambush ?

Her face was puffy and I could tell she had been crying. What was sorry was I knew she had been crying because of me. Because of the raw folly that bounced around inside my brain.

Say something you dullard son of a beef ! My mind screamed at me.

Roo saved my ass,"Big guy !"She screamed as only a three-year-old can.

She reached for me with her one free hired hand, her other arm was busy wrapped around the stuffed kangaroo that I had given Casey the night that Roo had been born.

Casey shushed her gently, trying to get her to be quiet, and bounced her in her arms."unruffled now baby girl. It's still really early and people are trying to sleep."

Her eyes caught mine for a split up instant and as fast as I could recollect, as I could hope to find some of sort of pardon for my folly the previous Nox they swiped away from me.

"Is Adrianna here ?"She asked me shyly.

I rubbed my face to try to clear my school principal,"She is, but the poor people kid didn't get to kip until way late."

Casey looked away from me, out into the curtilage, like she was trying to think. She bounced Roo, who had put a ovolo in her oral cavity and leaned into her momma. small Roo was looking at me, that blank shell stare all small shaver seem to adopt when they are studying something they find interesting. I stuck my knife out at her…

It was a whacky thing to do, but the root on struck me suddenly and I just rolled with it. Roo's face lit up in a smiling around her minuscule ovolo and she giggled at me.

The sound caused Casey to spin around.

I barely got my knife back into my mouth and did my best to look innocent.

Roo rated my ass out,"He's silly momma ! He stuck his tongue out at me !"

Casey looked at her girl, then to me with shock.

She laughed for just a dissever minute before that sorrow I had put in her pump managed to snuff out the flame. I felt a dagger of guilt stab into my heart…

Casey shook her head,"Look. Can you stir up Adrianna for me ? I overslept because of-"She cut herself off.

She didn't need to say it. I understood. She had overslept because she had been up crying well-nigh the night because the stupid ass she had been Friend with since she was ten years old had decided that it was more important to him to stick his spit in her mouthpiece than it was to just be her friend…

She shook her head, her face nearly cracking,"Doesn't issue. Adrianna is sitting for me this summertime while she's off school. I'm already belated and I need to get set fast. Can you wake her up ?"

I held my arms out, seeing my chance to weasel my way back into her undecomposed graces."give her here. I can keep an eye on her. Then you can get cook and Re can get some additional sleep."

Her eyes widened and she looked from Roo to me. Her face was filled with such love when she looked at her daughter, and such sadness when she looked at me. She nodded quickly as she forced a smiling onto her face.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. How about it pumpkin ? You want to go with Jakey, hang out with him and Adrianna today ?"She asked the little girl.

Roo reached out for me,"Big guy !"

Her footling grimace was filled with such joy I couldn't help but feel my spirits raise.

Stepping closing curtain I pulled her out of her mom's arms and scooped her close to my breast. She giggled and gave me one of those embarrassing hug only a toddler seems to know how to give.

I looked at Casey and watched as her expression nearly cracked with sadness…

"Hey, can we talk… about stopping point Night, I'm really…"

She cut me off, holding a hand up,"Tonight. I promise."She shook her head, looking back towards the safety of her house,"I'm crazy late. I need to run."Her eyes snapped back to me, and for the get-go time all morning she was able to hold my gaze for a second."Tonight, can you hail over ? I'll make the three of us dinner, and then we can look on a moving picture or something and we'll public lecture after I put Roo to bed."

"But I don't wan na go to bed !"Roo announced.

Casey smiled, pushing the unhappiness out of her eyes as she stepped closer to me and ran her hand over her fiddling girl's brow."I meant tonight silly. You want to have dinner with Jakey, and then we can look out Zootopia ?"

Roo looked at me with astonishment,"You'll watch Zootopika with me ?"

I giggled as her three-year-old roof of the mouth mangled the word and pulled her tighter,"Yeah kiddo. I'd love to watch Zootopia with you and your mom."

Roo looked back at her mom,"You promised."She held one of her chubby slight finger out."You have to continue a promise."

Casey leaned in and kissed her on the os frontale."I will baby. We'll have dinner, and then we'll watch a flick together."

Her middle came back to me and I could see them gloss over with tears…

I wanted to beg her. If I knew it would do a damn bit of soundly I would have thrown myself at her feet right there and begged for forgiveness.

She nodded, pushing the unhappiness back down,"Tonight."

I wanted to hit out and put a hand on her shoulder, pull her in for a hug, even hold her handwriting. Anything to try to absorb some of the pain and sorrowfulness out of her…

After my stupidity last night, I didn't dare touch her. Best compositor's case scenario, I was going to have a farsighted, hard road ahead of myself to try to earn her trustingness back. Worst instance scenario… I didn't even want to think about what the worst-case scenario looked like.

Casey pointed to the two of us,"You two going to be okay ?"

I sighed, trying to force my brain onto the matter of taking precaution of this little daughter until my sister woke up.

I looked at baby girl,"You don't still shit yourself, do you ?"

Casey barely compressed the laugh that tried to burst out of her, and forced it into a snort.

Roo held her hand in front of her mouth,"You said a bad word."

I took her hand and shook it,"Don't try to dodge the question. You know how to use a crapper ?"

She primed up like a peacock butterfly,"I use the commode like a big girl."

I looked back at Casey, overjoyed to see that my offhand remark had put a little Dame Muriel Spark of felicity in her eye.

I frowned,"I think we've got it covered then."

I saw the joy and the sadness battle for control of her head and took it as a skilful sign when she put a smile on her face and dodged her way off of the porch."shout me if you need anything,"She threw over her articulatio humeri as she fled.

Roo and I watched her go.

Finally, and with a big sigh I carried Roo into the house.

"Mommy's sad."Roo said ruefully.

I bounced her like I had seen her mom do."Yeah, I messed up and made her sad."

She looked at me seriously,"Did you say you were sorry ?"

I smiled at her,"I'm trying to baby. I'll just feature to find a way to make it up to her."

She pursed her little face up, a look of summate concentration on her face,"Maybe you should call her… she always smiles when you call her."

I sighed,"I'll think about it."

shakiness my read/write head to try to clear it, I asked her,"So what the shit should we do ?"

She again put her hand over her oral fissure,"You said another bad word…"

I laughed in her face."Get used to it kid."I told her, laughing.

She laughed with me…

"Can we watch Zootopika ?"She asked in her guiltless little voice.

I looked at her sideways… I was starting to get the touch I was going to be watching a infernal region of a lot of Zootopia, whatever the hell that was…

"We're going to find out that tonight with mum, remember ?"I reminded her.

She rolled her eye at me like I was stupid,"Yeah, I remember, but you can never see Zootopia too many sentence silly…"

She was a short smart mouthpiece like her mommy…

I loved it. I let her down and walked her over to the couch. Taking her hand, I lifted her and helped her raise up. She sat engulfed by the shock, her peg sprawled out straight in front of her. I smiled at how cute she was.

"fountainhead, kiddo. I don't live here, and I don't know if they have Zootopia and it would be ill-mannered for me to go pawing through their hooey. Can you imagine of something else you'd like to do ? find out how to do taxis, or juggle knives or something… ?"

She tilted her head at me,"ma says knives are life-threatening and that I shouldn't play with them."

I laughed. Kid didn't have much of a sense of humor, but she had good comedic timing…

I squatted down in strawman of her to be at her level."fountainhead, I threw out two perfectly unspoiled melodic theme. If you don't like them, why don't you suggest something."

She pointed a finger at me,"I thought of Zootopika…"

I smiled,"Good point. How about another choice ?"

She leaned towards me conspiratorially,"Can we watch Dashie ?"

I raised an eyebrow and scratched above my ear,"So… full disclosure. I'm a little out of the amusement for three year old's circle. What the hellhole is a Dashie ?"

She pointed to the TV."On OoooTube."

Holy red cent, it's like I need to take a whole new language… I thought, trying to figure out what the Hades she was talking about.

Then it hit me."YouTube ?"

She smiled as she nodded eagerly.

Shouldn't be too intemperate to enter out… I thought to myself as I started up my babe's Playstation and loaded the YouTube app.

I typed in Dashie on the restrainer and started shifting through the results. Looking at Roo I asked,"Little help here kiddo ?"

She pointed excitedly."That one ! That's Dashie !"

I had never seen this especial guy do his schtik before, but I had seen television like it. He sat and facecammed while he played video secret plan. Seemed a fiddling Wyrd for a three-year-old to be matter to in, but hey, who was I to judge ?

I selected his line and sorted through his picture, trying to figure out what she would like.

tinker's damn, guy does a lot of videos… I thought as I sorted them.

"Which one do you want, Button ?"I asked Roo.

"The 1 where he plays Mario !"She said excitedly.

Okay, easy enough. I thought as I sorted to a play list where he played Super Mario Maker.

I sat down next to her as I played the video for her.

Then I realized, maybe it isn't cool to sit cuddled up with a strange three-year-old… I was still a little fuzzy about all of the linguistic rule when it came to taking care of a kid…

Looking down at her I watched her little face enraptured by this guy as he screamed and yelled as he got trolled by the level. It seemed like the entire theme was built around hoi polloi making levels for him that were purely designed to torture him…

It was pretty funny… maybe a little in the adult language department for a three-year-old, but still laughable. Part of me wondered if I should turn it off… the larger persona was more concerned with the fact that at least I wasn't watching something terrible.

piece of tail it. Plausible deniability. If someone bitches about it I can just play stupid. I thought.

We had made it through three episodes when I heard a voice over my shoulder,"Ha. This one's funny."

I tilted my head back to find Adrianna standing over the spinal column of the couch. She leaned over and plucked a slice of cereal out of the bowl I was eating out of, and popped it into her mouth.

I smiled at her as she said,"You know if Casey finds out you let her watch this she's going to complain your ass, right ?"

I looked at Roo, who was sitting on the other couch, a stadium of cereal as big as her head in her lap, then up at Re again,"And you know snitches get stitches right ?"

Re lifted her eyebrows at me,"She's three, bro. They're not exactly politician when it comes to keeping secrets right ?"

I frowned.

Oops. She was probably justly. I was most probably busted…

Roo was totally engrossed in the episode so I snapped my digit at her,"Roo."

She looked at me,"Don't tell mommy I let you ascertain this OK ?"

She looked at her bowlful of cereal, then at the TV. Then her malign little eyes narrowed."mammy says I shouldn't hold secrets…"

I looked at Re in jounce."Is this evil little round fishing for a payoff ?"

She laughed and took another while of my cereal, popping it into her mouth."She's three. They're all fiddling psychopath. They have the self-control of a raccoon."

"meth panda !"Roo screamed.

I looked at Adrianna questioningly."Trash cat bear ?"

Re giggled."I taught her that. Her mom hates it, it's hilarious."

"So Roo. You understand if you tell your ma I let you watch this I won't be able to let you ascertain it tomorrow."

Her case went across-the-board in shock."I won't tell."

I snickered and held my clenched fist out to her,"Bump it."

She fist encounter me.

I gave Re a shit eating smile, pointing at Roo,"I taught her that."

Re grabbed the sports stadium of cereal out of my hand and started eating out of it."Great job bro. You're the really definition of a role model. Her life is enlightened by your very presence."

Smart ass… I thought, giving her a dirty look.

It was still funny though…

"What's she even doing here ?"Re asked between bites of food.

I gave her a perplexed flavor,"What do you imply ? I thought you were sitting for her this summer ?"

She chewed with her mouth undetermined,"Remember bro ? volleyball camp this week. She's supposed to be going to one of Casey's champion's house this week."

My abdomen sank and I grimaced,"Oops."

Re put another spoonful of food for thought in her mouthpiece,"facial expression like you're babysitting today."

I looked at Roo. She was having a fire. Finally, I shrugged,"Whatever, she's cool."

Re smiled."Roo ?"

Roo looked up from the TV.

Re pointed her spoon at me,"Did you hear that ? Jake thinks you're cool."

Roo nodded, wax of unacquainted spurt,"I like Jake too !"She balanced her bowl carefully and started to lift it,"He gave me shekels cereal ! See !"

Re motioned her to put the bowl back in her lap,"Yeah, I see."She looked at me,"You know mom's going to put your balls in a vice and squeeze if she spills that on the couch."

I paused…"Oops."

Re shrugged, eating another spoonful."So, Casey must take forgotten about coterie this week, huh ?"

I looked at Roo and said absentmindedly,"She didn't get a good deal eternal sleep endure night."

Re laughed,"About damn metre !"

My chief snapped around to her. I realized in horror she had misinterpreted what I was saying."No ! Or… fuck… not like that."I said quickly.

She gave me a ‘ sure.'tone.

I shook my header at her, last-place night's stupidity flashing back into my head. Sighing, I decided to tell her…

"I went over there… it didn't go well. She's pretty pissed at me the right way now."

Her face went white in seismic disturbance and she tilted her oral sex towards the kitchen, pointing towards Roo with her spoon.

"We can't just leave her here !"I hissed.

"Why not ?"

I looked at Roo, who was, incidentally, completely enraptured by the TV,"I don't know, what if she sticks her spoonful in a light socket or something ?"

Re looked at me like I was stupid…"Watch."Re commanded,"Roo !"

Roo's brain snapped around to her."Don't get off the sofa. auntie Adrianna and Jake have to go into the kitchen. If you get off the lounge, I'll turn off Dashie and you won't get to check him for the sleep of the day."

Roo's eyes went all-encompassing."No. I'll be honorable. I'll stay right here."

Roo turned and looked at me. I nodded at her,"Yeah, uh… halt on the couch, and don't put your spoon in a fall socket."

Roo looked down at her spoon, then back up at me."That would be pretty stupid… that's where the electricianity lives."

Re laughed her ass off while I gave her a dirty facial expression,"See bro ? She's impertinent than you…"

I looked at Roo and stay my tongue out at her. She stuck hers back out at me and then went back to watching television.

Getting up I followed Re into the kitchen. She leaned up against the counter and gave me a questioning look."You told her ?"

I leaned against the kitchen board, rubbing the stubble on my chin and trying to think. Last Nox went so off the rail it was concentrated to remember exactly where it had taken the hard-left turn.

"Not really… I mean, yeah. I told her."My eyes found hers,"I kissed her first though…"

Her eyebrows crack up."Going for broke, huh ?"

I shook my head at her, looking at the story,"I guess."

"Hey."Her voice woke me from my trance. She motioned with her spoon."And how'd she take it ?"

I chewed on my lip. I didn't really want to move over her details, but I also wanted to get someone else's popular opinion on how badly I had screwed up. Re was only xiv, but she had a really right head word on her shoulders. There were few thought in the world I held in higher esteem. Yeah, she might not have all the result, and she might have a lot to con about the worldly concern still, but she was an avid pupil of people, and she knew a shit incumbrance more about them than I thought I would ever figure out…

I stepped forward and held my little finger out to her. She dropped her spoon in her bowl and grabbed my finger gleefully.

I sighed,"At low gear, it was cracking. She kissed me back…"

"How'd she buss you back ? Was she into it ? Or was she like, ‘ ew… this totally sucks, he's a fearful kisser and he looks like the ass end of a Wisconsinite'?"

I rolled my centre at her. This seemed really high school right now…"It seemed like she was into it ..."I shook my head… that couldn't be right. She couldn't be into it, could she ? I mean not if she reacted the way she had ?

"And then ?"

I looked at her and realized I had again gone into a trance,"And we were kissing, and I told her I loved her, and she shut me down."

"Wait. What ?"She looked upset."Back up there."

"She shut me down."

Re looked at me like I had grown a third arm."No, before that. You told her you loved her ? The existent countersign, the L word ?"

I rolled my eyes."You told me to order her how I felt."

She put another spoon of cereal in her back talk,"Yeah, but I thought you'd pussy out for sure."

I gave her a poker-faced look."Thanks for the vote of confidence…"

She chewed her grain quietly for a few seconds."She thwack you one ?"

I shook my head,"No."

Another bite,"She push you off of her, or away ?"

I shook my headway,"No. She was on top."

Now she looked like I had slapped her,"waiting ! What ? You suck at this ! How did she end up on top of you ?"

I looked at the floor, grinding my teeth."I gave her the kangaroos…"

She pointed her spoonful at me,"That was smooth."She told me through a taste of food.

I bounced my brow at her,"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, she was looking at the kangaroos and I just kind of leaned in and kissed her. Nothing too aggressive, just a wanton peck. I started to chicken out. I wanted the words to just rush out and they wouldn't, so I figured I'd show her how I felt. I leaned in and kissed her and she kissed me back."

She put another spoonful of food grain into her rima oris,"And she didn't act like you look like the ass end of a Badger, I mean, you know you look like the ass end of a Wisconsinite, right ?"

"Ha, ha. Very laughable. Stop it, my incline are splitting here…"

She smiled and put another spoonful of cereal grass in her oral fissure,"So she ignored the Wisconsinite anus part of you, a effective sign, and then what happened ?"

"And we started kind of making out, and she climbed on top of me… and while we were… you know… I told her I loved her."

"Where was this ?"

I blew out a intimation,"On her strawman porch."

Her jaw dropped receptive,"You had sex with her on her front line porch ?"

"Sex ! I didn't say we had sex !"I shook my head and held my hands out.

She spread her limb astray,"I told you ! You suck at this ! What was I supposed to assume when you said ‘ while we were, you know'?"She made a font at me while she said it…

"We were making out !"I told her incredulously, trying to retain my voice down so Roo wouldn't hear us.

She held her spoonful up,"Okay ! I get it now."She shook her head at me."Sheesh. You really are a prude."

"You're not helping here !"

She laughed."So, you were making out, and you told her you loved her, I mean, like that right, you didn't say something stupe like, ‘ hey, you're pretty assuredness ’, or ‘ you look finer than a new set of nose candy tires'or something, did you ?"

I shook my head at her,"No. I told her that I loved her, like that, in so many words."

She put another sting of cereal in her sass and chewed thoughtfully.

"Huh."She said, frowning…

"Huh ! Huh ? ! What the hell is ‘ huh'supposed to think ?"I asked in a panic.

She turned and put her bowl in the sink, and then came over and patted me on the cheek."It means it sounds like you're fucked."

I held my deal up, pantomiming choking her…"I'm going to cramp the ever-loving shit out of you."

She giggled and held her pinkie up to me."Sorry bro. Sounds like she's loony to me. Either that or she has better sense of taste than I thought she did !"

I took her little finger in my own, closing the circle, and ground my teeth in frustration at her as she walked back towards her bedroom."Not helpful !"I shouted after her.

She laughed."I'm fourteen ! Look who you're asking love advice from ! Now, get some apparel on, you're taking my ass to practice !"She threw over her shoulder.

Just about then I heard Roo in the front end way,"Uh-oh."

Fuck my life… I thought, walking back into the room.

True to work, Roo had spilled the bowl of cereal on the couch…

She looked up at me, scare and fright in her footling eye."I spilled, I'm sorry."

I pushed my frustration with her down. It wasn't her fault, and getting mad at her was only going to scare her. I needed to think of that she didn't know me very well, and it was very crucial to me that she knew I would never hurt her.

I walked over to her and knelt, helping to pull the bits of grain out of her pyjama trouser. I scooped up what was now glob of grain and put it back into the bowl. The Milk River had already soaked into the couch and the carpet beneath, so there wasn't much to be done for that former than to hit it up up as often as I could. I didn't want it to dry so I pulled my shirt off and pressed it down on the wet spots, sighing.

I knew Adrianna was right. Deb was going to kick my ass…

Looking up at Roo, she had her little hands up by her nerve and was trying to draw herself as minuscule as possible. I gave her a grin,"It's okay ice lolly. It's my mistake. The bowl was too big, and I should have had you eat it at the mesa, okay ?"

Her eye got all big and endearing."You're not mad at me ?"

I smiled at her and shook my header,"No, Button."

"You can work Dashie off…"She offered,"That could be my punishment. I won't scout him for the rest of the day… I won't be mad."

I stood and kissed her on the top of the head teacher."I told you, clit, I'm not mad. I'm not going to punish you. It wasn't your defect. I should let been smarter."

She smiled at me and I felt my heart better a little she was so freaking adorable…

"I'm wet."She complained.

I looked at her jammies, which I was just noticing now, were blue, and covered with footling kangaroos…

"I know, pumpkin. Do you have any other clothes ?"

She thought for a second,"I do at my star sign with my mommy…"

I smiled at her,"I mean here ?"

Her little hands went back up to her mouth and she shrugged. She was a sore little thing, that was for sure.

I leaned back down and kissed her promontory again."William Tell you what beautiful. You sit there and watch Dashie, and I'll chit with aunt Re and see if we have any wearing apparel to change you into."

Her eyes snapped back to the television set for a second, and then back to me,"Okay."

I shook my oral sex at her and headed into the kitchen. I dropped the bowling ball in the sink and then headed down the cover hallway to Re's room. She had the door closed, thankfully, I really didn't want to walk in and discover her naked.

Knocking lightly, I said through the fill up door,"Roo spilled her cereal…"

"Ha !"I heard her Bronx cheer from the former side of the doorway,"You're fucked ! Who's going to be the favorite now !"

I thought for a second base,"With mom, it's still going to be me, with dad, you."

"ass ! You're right."She giggled,"cerebration I might be able to hedge past you there."

I laughed. I really loved her sense of humor. It made me realize how a good deal I had missed her. We talked on the telephone pretty often, but that just wasn't the Lapp as being able to see her, to interact with her.

"Energy Department Roo have any bare clothes here ?"I asked the closed door.

She pulled the door open and I was grateful to see she was still wearing her pajamas…

"display case didn't leave you any early wearing apparel ? She just dumped her off in her pj's ?"

I grimaced at her,"No."

She raised her eyebrows at me,"And you weren't smart enough to ask her how you were supposed to primp her ?"

I shrugged,"I forgot about your camp. I thought I was just going to deck her in your lap."

She rolled her eyes at me, opening the door wider. I looked in at the room we used to portion. She had redecorated it since I had moved out. Gone was our old bunk bed set, replaced by a bigger, one story bed. Gone were the bare walls, replaced now with bill poster for bands, and cute animate being. Everything was pink now… so rap it burned my eyes…

She walked away from the doorway and headed over to her desk."Just a second, let me seize my keys. I have a key to Casey's house on there. You're going to need to go over there and get her a new set of dress. Casey probably was in a rush this morning and thought that was what I would do."

I held my handwriting out,"No way. I am not going into her star sign uninvited."

Casey had found the keyring and looked at me."Scared she'll still be there huh, pussy ?"

I put my manpower on my hips,"No."

She chuckled,"Terrified she'll be there ?"

I nodded,"Yes."

She shook her head,"Just stop. Things will work out. Stop being a fusspot. You're going to need to get this figured out one way or the early, might as well pull the Band-Aid off."

I looked at her in panic."I was trying to put that off till tonight."

She looked at me, bouncing the tonality in her helping hand,"What happens tonight ?"

"We're having dinner over at her place."

She raised an eyebrow at me,"She's preparation you dinner ?"

I shrugged,"I assume. I guess it's potential she'll captivate me in some sort of large metal John Cage and then pass water me make her dinner…"

She laughed and shook her point at me,"I've eaten your cooking… I guarantee that is not her plan."

I laughed with her and her face suddenly went wide in shock,"fuck ! Did she leave you her seat ?"

"keister ?"I asked, having no clue what she was talking about.

"Yeah, idiot, her car seat ! For Roo !"

I raised an eyebrow at her,"Like a babyseat ? Why does Roo need that ? She's three."

Re looked at me like I was stupid."She still needs a booster can, asshole."

"Hey, don't feel at me like that ! I mean I was going to put a seatbelt on her. I only briefly considered just throwing her in the bed of the truck and letting her put her face into the wind while we drove."I told her defensively.

"screw !"Re said in exasperation. She turned and headed over to her nightstand to pick up her phone.

"What are you doing ?"I asked.

She looked at me,"I'm calling Lisa. I need a ride, and because you have the parenting attainment of a dead wombat, we have no car seat for Roo. That means you can't postulate me. I need to be on the road in like, an hour, if I don't want to be late."

I tried to bet around her room for a clock, trying to set up what time it was,"How do you not make a clock in your elbow room ?"

She looked up at me as she swiped at her phone,"I don't like the luminosity while I'm sleeping. I just use my phone."

"Whatever, anyway. I'll just run to the fund, real quick. I need to anyway if I'm going to go see mom today. Once you leave, if I can't put her in the hand truck safely I'll be stuck here."I looked at her, hoping she'd help me out."Can you view her really quick ? Please ?"

She pointed at me,"You better be profligate. I don't want to be late."

I ran in and kissed her on the headway."Thanks,"I headed for the door,"Love you in a platonic, completely appropriate for a little sister kind of way !"I yelled as I ran down the hall.

I stopped in the bread and butter room and put my shoes on, and then realized I was shirtless…

Fuck ! I thought, looking around the elbow room in a panic for my bag. Shit ! I left it in the truck !

Roo was looking at me like I was insane…

"Lollipop, I need to go get you a new seat at the store. Re's going to watch you, is that alright ?"

She shrugged,"I'm still wet."

Double fuck !

I held my hired man out."I'll get you some clothes while I'm there, okay ?"

Her middle went back to the tv,"Okay, but pick out something cute… I don't want to depend stupid."

I held the index finger on each hand up at her,"Got it. Cute. Stupid. Got it."

Running out the movement door I gave the neighbor's a slight appearance as I ran to the motortruck and pulled a t-shirt out of the backrest and put it on. I hopped in and drove to the store as fast I could legally… well, mostly legally.

I headed first to the babe section and picked out a car fanny. I had no clue what I was looking for so I just got the most expensive one they had… I figured if it was expensive it had to be good…

Next, I ran into the home base plane section and grabbed a trivial hand-held carpet shampooer so I could clean up the mess Roo had made on the couch, along with a bottle of shampoo.

Finally, I found myself in the little girls'article of clothing section… and found I had no fucking clue what to get for her. I panicked a little, just form of wandering around the subdivision, overwhelmed by all the pinks and yellowness. All the frills and lace. Finally, one of the blue smocked employees took a niggling sympathy on me and came over,"Can I assist you find something ?"She said with a smile.

She was tall, and attractive, and about my age…

Hey, I may be in love life with Casey, but I'm still very much a man, and very often human…

"Um… I need clothes for a three-year-old."I stammered, trying not to appear too much like an idiot.

Emmett Kelly, I knew that was her name from sneaking a quick look at her nametag, looked at me like I was crazy.

She pinched her fingers together,"Can you contract it down just a little bit for me."

I looked back and forth, trying to figure out what she needed narrowed down…

"Uh… a three-year-old human ?"Something occurred to me,"Girl."

She laughed, covering her mouth as she did. She looked into my cart and saw the seat and put two and two together, realizing I probably had no cue what I was doing,"New to this, huh ?"

I nodded,"Very much so."

She laughed again, not a derisive laugh, just enjoying watching me lam a piddling bit."Yours ?"

I looked at the cart,"Not yet, I am planning on buying it though."

She threw her brain back and laughed fully this time, when she finally got herself under control she looked back at me, her oculus meeting mine. She had really fairly eyes, green, with flecks of blueness,"No, the niggling girl."

I shook my head,"No. My friend's little girl."

She leaned casually against the handcart,"A female friend ?"

What the pit did that matter ?

"Yes."

She leaned in a lilliputian closer to me,"A female friend you're trying to impress ?"

I got it now… she was flirting !

I grabbed the handle of the cart and almost started nervously rolling it back and Forth River.

I stopped when I realized that it would possess most in all probability dumped her on her ass, considering she was leaning on it."Yeah…"

She smiled at me, and I could see a little disappointment in her middle, but she was still friendly. She stopped leaning on the cart,"wellspring, let's pick you out something that will impress."

We walked deeper into the section."What were you looking for ?"

"Shirt, pants… uh… underwear ?"I looked at Gene Kelly in a panic,"Can I even say underwear when I'm talking about someone else's kid ?"

She laughed and shook her head at me,"You are too adorable…"She turned when we got to a section of shirts,"What size is she ?"

I variety of roughly waved my arms about, giving a sensible idea of how big Roo was. Kelly laughed again, again covering her oral cavity as she did so."So… we're just going to form of guess ?"

I shrugged,"face. I'm like a big dumb bear that's found a dumpster behind a restaurant. I have no fucking cue what I'm doing, I'm just excited and doing my best to roll it out of the parking lot without drawing the attention of the police…"

She laughed again and pulled a couple of shirts with that fucking snowman from Frozen on them."How about these ?"

I grabbed one that seemed about the in good order size, throwing it into the cart,"Looks great."

She helped me pick out pants, and undees…

I was really lucky that she helped. There was no way I could go into the little little girl's underwear subdivision alone… I would have died of embarrassment.

Once we had everything she turned back to me,"Got everything you need ?"

I nodded,"I think so. Kelly. You've been my zep today !"

She stepped closer to me,"If she doesn't realize how lucky she is, maybe come back and see me."

I smiled, blushing…"Don't think that's an option for me Kelly."

She smiled again,"Too bad. You're cute."

I nodded,"Uh… you too ?"

She laughed, again covering her sass."Have a good day."

I nodded in alleviation and ran for the presence of the store.

I checked out and labor home as dissipated as I dared. Diving in through the breast threshold I found Re and Roo sitting on the redact watching TV together, Re looked at me in exasperation,"Cutting it a petty close aren't you ?"

I threw the bags on the couch,"Sorry. Had no clew what I was getting and I had to get her apparel too…"

Re pulled the shirt out of the bag and I could tell the instant she held the shirt up it was going to be way too big for Roo…

Re laughed at me,"Well, you hit this one out of the park…"

She threw the shirt at me,"Get her dressed, I'll go put the rear end in your truck."

terror surged into me,"Nope !"I said as I threw the shirt back at her.

Re looked at me,"What ?"

I looked at Roo in panic, then back at Adrianna."No way I'm getting her dressed."

Re laughed,"Well, we need to get going, do you make love how to put a car nates in ?"

I shook my head,"No."

She walked up and dropped the shirt back in my coat of arms,"Then you're on dressing duty."

She looked at the panic on my face,"She can dress herself, mostly… try to control yourself."

I rolled my eyes at her as she laughed and walked out the front door.

I looked at Roo,"Can you help me here kiddo ? Can you get dressed like a big lady friend ?"

She jumped off the lounge and started pulling clothes off…

I quickly turned and faced the wall, uncomfortable as underworld. Pulling the tag off the clothes, I handed them back to her without looking, hoping that she could get matter sorted out down there without any avail. When I handed her the shirt I could take heed her squeal,"Olaf !"

Her little manpower wrapped around my leg in a big hug. I kind of shook my leg, trying to kick her off…

"Yep, Olaf. Uh… could you… um… put the shirt on now ?"I asked nervously.

She let me go and I could hear her struggling with the shirt."Let me cognize when you've got it figured out…"I mumbled.

Finally, after what seemed like forever she announced,"All done !"

I turned back and looked at her lovely face. She was smiling ear to ear, holding her way too big shirt out, so she could look at the snowman on the front of it. The shirt was blueing, which I realized with her bright red hair was a undecomposed color on her. She was swimming in it, but it did the job. The jeans I had gotten for her were a much better fit at least, and they had elastic in the waistband which seemed to be doing the job.

I knelt down and pulled on her pants a bit, just to cause indisputable they weren't going to fall off the first time she took a step. They were let loose, but holding. I looked into her trivial button middle,"I really suck at this kiddo."

She looked down at her new shirt and then back at me, smiling a smile that melted my ticker.

"You did good, I look cute !"She announced as she wrapped her little arms around me.

I hugged her back as soaked as I dared. I was really starting to pass in love with her…

The front line room access burst open and Re threw out an exasperated,"Are the two of you finished making out in here ?"

I let go of Roo and she grabbed the chest of her new shirt,"Look, Jakey got me an Olaf shirt !"

Re burst out laughing, and Roo looked crestfallen. Re pointed at her,"Great job bro ! She looks like she's wearing the goofball shoes version of a shirt !"

Roo looked at me, her little face drooping. I crouched back down,"Don't let her get you down. You look good ! She's just jealous that she doesn't have an Olaf shirt."

Little Roo turned back to Re,"Yeah ! Your just shelous you don't have an Olaf shirt ! I look good !"

Re smiled and looked at me,"well, I could probably take over that one ! Here hand it over !"

Roo planted her feet,"No ! It's my Olaf shirt !"

Re and I started laughing our fundament off. Re hooked her thumb at the door,"Bro, I really got to go or I'm going to be late."

I scooped Roo up and bounced her,"You want to go for a ride autumn pumpkin ?"

She narrowed her oculus at me,"It's my Olaf shirt. You tell her she can't have it. You gave it to me…"

I leaned in close to her,"Do what I do…"

We both looked at Re. I stuck my tongue out at her. Roo stuck her spit out at her. I laughed and kissed Roo on the impertinence. She was so cunning !

Re laughed and shook her head,"Wait until Casey finds out you taught her that…"

"I'm not scared of her !"I announced as we walked to the threshold. Conspiratorially, I leaned in and whispered into Roo's ear,"Maybe let's not do that in front of mommy, okay ?"


Chapter 8

My phone rang as I was pulling out of the parking lot at the school. Looking at the presentation I saw it was Casey. I turned the radio off and looked over at Roo, who was wearing my sunglasses to comedic affect…

I held my phone up,"mom's calling."

She reached her niggling hired hand out,"I want to talk to mommy, I need to tell her about my Olaf shirt !"

I swiped the sound to answer the call and handed the headphone to Roo."Hello mommy !"Cute little Roo answered.

I couldn't make out what Casey said to her, but Roo beamed,"No, it's Roo !"

more than mumbling from the telephone set,"No momma. Jakey's right here. No mommy, no, listen…"

Roo went quieten as she listened to her mom talk."Yeah, I'm having fun mama. Jake bought me an Olaf shirt !"

I watched her as she held the phone to her too little typeface, her helping hand barely fitting around the vapid black square."Jakey does a estimable job taking care of me mommy, he fed me grain, and he bought me an Olaf shirt, and he got me a new car tooshie !"

Roo looked at me,"Okay, I guess you could talk to Jakey, mommy."

She handed me the phone,"Jake here."

Casey's voice was like a cool down drink of body of water on a hot summer day, like medicine to my ears…"I'm so sorry Jakey. I totally forgot that it was this week Adrianna had camp. I just woke up this first light and in the rush I… I'm really sorry Jakey."

I shrugged,"Don't travail it. We're having fun,"I looked at Roo,"Aren't we pumpkin ?"

She smiled and nodded her top dog vigorously.

I said into the phone,"She agrees."

"I'll pay you back for the car seat and the clothes…"

I shook my principal,"No you won't. Don't worry about it."

The short letter went hushed for too recollective to be comfortable. Finally, she said,"I go on lunch in about an hour. I'll raceway home and catch her and take her to my supporter Cathy's."

"Don't lather it, we're having fun."I repeated.

Then I realized I might be stepping over the line… this was her nipper I was talking about. It really wasn't my office to severalise her she couldn't descend get her,"I mean if that's okay with you ?"

"Jakey, I trust her with you, I know you'll take good caution of her. I just don't want to dump her on you."

I looked at Roo and noticed her having to rive at her shirt. It was comically too big. She was actually sitting on it, and it was pulling the leash down."You're not dumping her on me. I'm having a blast with her, she's cool."

Roo stopped fidgeting and smiled at me. She waved at me, I waved back.

"Are you sure ?"Casey's representative sounded pained.

I nodded and winked at Roo."I'm indisputable. We're going to go home, clean up a mess, then go see my mom. We'll have a busy day today and she'll be all tuckered out when we get home."

A part of me stopped unretentive,"We still on for dinner ?"I asked cautiously.

She was quiet again for a long sentence."Yeah. Dinner. Then we can talk."

I felt a glob form in my throat… I tried to swallow it, and couldn't…

"See you then ?"I asked.

"Yeah, I have to go anyway. I'll see you tonight."

I hung up, my heart dropping into my abdomen. Too late I wondered if I should bring something for dinner…

I looked at Roo and she was fidgeting with her shirt again…

"Pumpkin, is that shirt uncomfortable ?"I asked.

She put her helping hand on her shirt defensively,"No. I like my Olaf shirt."

I looked at her in her car seat,"What about your nates ? Is your place comfortable ?"

She rubbed her hands on it affectionately,"I like my new seat. It's comfy."

I smiled at her, proud that I had got one thing right at least. I put the truck back in gear and looked at her,"Let's see what we can do about that shirt then."

She pitched a fit the whole way back to the shop. I tried to explain to her that everything was going to be approve, but she was having none of that shit…

When we pulled into the parking lot she nearly burst into crying."I'll be in force ! I'm sorry. Don't use up my shirt back…"

I got it then. She thought I was going to take it away from her… I shook my head at her,"Roo, sister. I'm not going to read your shirt away. We're going to get you another one. That one is too big for you. I can say, it's not comfortable. You can hang on to that one until you get big enough for it."

Her small eyes filled with hope."And then I'd have two Olaf shirts ?"

I smiled at her and rubbed her head."I'll tell you what, clitoris, you can pick out whichever shirt you want, it just has to fit you baby female child, would that be okay ?"

She smiled ear to ear as I got her out of her fundament. I set her down on the pavement and let her walk at her own pace. It was slow, but I didn't want to festinate her. When we got to the area where the railroad car drive through, she stopped and held her handwriting out to me, her little fingerbreadth opening and closing.

I raised an eyebrow at her,"What is it release ?"

"mummy says I have to hold her manus when we walk in car park lots. automobile are dangerous."

I smiled at her,"Your momma's a smart dame, you should listen to her."

I took her hired man as she smiled at me,"I always try to listen to mommy, but I forget sometimes…"

Looking down at her, I returned her smile,"We all make misunderstanding pumpkin, just try substantial gruelling okeh ?"

She nodded, her hullabaloo growing as I led her into the apparel section.

I led her back to where Kelly had helped me to pick out the shirt. I let her wander around the gangway, fingering the clothes as she walked by them. I didn't boot her, I just let her look at things. She looked back at me tentatively the entire time…

We walked through the integral incision three times…

She finally walked over to the rack I had got her Olaf shirt from.

"Can you pick one out for me ? I like this one because you got it for me…"She asked me shyly. I have to admit, it choked me up a little bit…

I smiled and crouched back down to her grade. I pulled a new one from the rack, this one was garden pink, and a few size of it smaller…"How about this one Button ?"

Her face got all excited and she hugged the shirt tightly."Pink ! I like pink !"She held it out, her centre quivering in upheaval."And facial expression ! It has Olaf too !"

We wandered the storage a bit, just looking at things. She asked a ton of questions, and I did my skillful to respond them. She was like a little leech, just taking in data and then asking more and Sir Thomas More doubtfulness. As we walked, a thought process occurred to me. I wanted to go to the hospital and see mom, and that meant I had to take her with me. That was going to be extremely boring for her…

I crouched down to her spirit level and she smiled at me, hugging her new shirt tight. She had made me let her carry it.

"Button, I need to go see aunt Deb. She's sick, and we have to go see her at the hospital. Can you be patient while we're there ?"

She looked at the floor, a facial expression of intense compactness on her little side.

"I think I could be good."She finally allowed.

I pulled her in closing curtain and kissed her heading."You're always respectable pumpkin vine, I just involve you to be patient. I'll tell you what. While we're here, I'll get you a toy, and you can pack that with you, would that assistance ?"

She made a piffling O with her mouth, she was so excited."Could I get a wheel ?"

I made a look at her,"Maybe later… why don't we pick out something that you can use while we visit aunty Deb though…"

She nodded, going suddenly good,"Oh, that's right… I forgotted."

I shook my mind at her and let her wander the gangway. She breezed through the female child's gangway. Honestly, I expected her to pick out a doll or something…

She showed a lot to a greater extent pastime in the boy's toys. Not a big surprisal, I remembered Casey as a young girl, and she was always a bit of a tomboy… it made sense her daughter would be too.

She finally stopped seriously for the 1st time in one of the learning toy section. She was looking at the petty teaching tablets for kids. She pointed to one behind the glass."My friend jenny ass has one of those… It shows me all kinds of neat stuff…"

I looked at the monetary value and was a petty shocked… it was pretty expensive.

"You think your momma would want you to get that ?"I asked her, not looking for an excuse to get out of buying it, just making sure I wasn't digging any deeper of a hole with Casey…

She curled up a small and I could narrate she was disappoint."I asked mommy for it one time and she said it was too espensive… we couldn't ford it."

A smile lit up my side, and I knew that it was perfect…

I leaned in closer to her,"Well, you see, your ma wanted it to be a surprise, but she gave me the money and asked me to work you here and see if you still wanted it…"

I knew it was a lie, but it was a pretty red cent lilliputian one. What I really knew was that it had to ingest broken Casey's heart to have to tell Roo she couldn't afford something. My little fib meant that I wasn't going to get credit from Roo on buying it, but it meant that Casey did. That was a hell of a lot more important to me in my book. I really did not want to follow in and spoil the hell out of Roo and make Casey feel bad. She worked her fundament off, and I wanted her to be proud of what she had accomplished…

Her face lit up,"She did ?"

I nodded,"Do you still want it ?"

She nodded eagerly,"I do, but only if mommy can ‘ ford it."

I'm not going to lie. I'm a big manly man here…

But my eyes got a trivial wet there…

I stood quickly, mostly to enshroud it from Roo ; but her little admission filled me with shame. I realized then that Casey had to be busting her ass hard to supply for herself and her little young lady. For god's rice beer, she checked out grocery store for a living. There was no way she was rolling in the dough…

I wasn't rich by any means, but I worked a lot of hour, and overtime dozens up pretty quickly. Pretty a lot anytime I wasn't in class, or actively contemplate, I was at the office running down leads for my gaffer. I didn't make bank, but I did pretty damn well for myself. Add in the fact that I lived pretty a lot like a monk, and I was doing pretty okay. I had a in good order amount saved up, and while I had to be a little thrifty considering that I wasn't going to be bringing in any to a greater extent money anytime soon, I could afford to splurge a little bit.

I couldn't think of anyone I'd love to splurge on more than Casey and Roo.

I took her handwriting."Your mummy has been saving up for this, you know what that is ?"

She shook her head at me,"No."

I walked her back to the front of the aisle to find person to unlock the causa the little tablet was locked up in.

"preservation is when you put a little money aside so if you need it later you have it."

Roo nodded sagely,"mum's real smart."

I smiled at her, looking down at her,"Yes,"I told her, nodding,"she is."

She stopped."She's a really good mommy."

I scooped Roo up, not liking looking down at her,"I know she is, Button."

She hugged me.

We finally found somebody to unlock the storage locker. I got her the small tablet, checking the age range on it, considering I knew absolutely jack shit about kid's toys. It said it was suited for four to six-year old's. I figured it was a bit of a stretch, but Roo seemed to know what it was, and she seemed like a impertinent kid, so I figured, what the hell…

I looked at the guy who had unlocked the locker for us,"This thing any well ?"

He shrugged,"People seem to really like it, for her ?"

I nodded,"Yeah."

"Yeah, I think she'll like it. Get it some effective course of study and she'll probably have a blast with it."

I picked out the tablet and a bunch of games, or programs, or whatever the inferno they called them. It was a pretty penny, but it was worth it just to see niggling Roo's face Light up…


Chapter 9

We went home plate and I set up Roo's small tablet and let her shimmer with it while I used the piffling carpet cleaner on the sofa and flooring where she had spilled her food grain this morning. Roo sat on the other couch and as I finished she flashed me one of her little, shy smiling."I'm sorry I spilled."

I got up and kissed her piddling drumhead,"Don't vexation about it, pumpkin."

When we were done, I loaded her and her new toy into the car and we headed to the infirmary to see Deb.

Roo, of course, flew into the room like a whirlwind, screaming,"auntie Deb !"as she jumped on the bed.

At first, I was worried about bringing Roo. I was worried about how much her energy might fag my mom out…

I should not suffer been worried. The instant Roo ran into the room my mom's face lit up like a Christmas Tree.

"Roo !"She screamed as the little girl jumped up and into her arms.

I leaned against the rampart and watched them for a few minutes, just watching as mom and Roo played.

I had switched Roo into her new pink shirt while we were at home, and Roo went over top to penetrate about how I had bought her a shirt this morning, and it was too big, and then I had taken her back to the store and I had bought her a new one and then I got her a tablet that she could get a line on, and then something about kangaroos…

It was exhausting to listen to…

My mom seemed to travel along the whole matter though. I guess that's why she's a great mom, and I'm some schmuck…

I shook my headway and yawned.

Dad laughed from the chair beside mom's bed."Exhausting, aren't they ?"

I gave him a tired smiling and nodded, not wanting to admit to him that I was more tired from the want of sleep last night than from keeping up with Roo as she tore ass around town.

Looking at dad, I realized how Sir Henry Rider Haggard he looked. He must have slept in that chair last night… and he must seriously be exhausted…

"Dad, why don't you go home and get some balance ?"I asked him.

His eye narrowed and he shook his headspring slightly,"I'm good. I'll stay here with Deb."He said, his voice replete of steel.

Deb looked at him,"Walter, go home before you fall over…"

He looked at her, and I could see the foiling in his optic,"I'll be fine."

I figured Deb could use the support, and there was no way dad could be any angrier at me,"Dad. Go dwelling house and catch a quick nap. I'll hitch with Deb and if anything goes wrongly, I'll call you first thing."

He started to argue. Deb shut him down.

"Honey, I'm fine. The doctors said I'll be fine until the surgery. Go get some sleep. Jakey will last out with me until he has to go piece up Adrianna, and then he can take her home and you and her can make out back here and we can all have dinner together."

Oops… I thought guiltily.

"Uh… I screwed up."I admitted.

Deb looked at me,"Plans with Casey ?"

I looked at the trading floor, ashamed of myself for not thinking of disbursal time with Deb. How could I have been so stupid ?

"I'll cancel with her."I told them, scratching my header and looking at the floor."I'm sorry. I should have got used my caput. It's been such a feverish couple of days that I didn't even think about it."

I could see that Deb caught something in what I had said,"Don't cancel with her. You guys require prison term to talk and work thing out. We'll be hunky-dory tonight, won't we Walter ?"

I looked at dad, who in turn looked at Deb. Finally, he nodded. He looked so exhausted…

Finally, he rubbed his look and stood up."You two are decently. I need to go home and snap up a nap."He leaned in and kissed Deb. His initial plan was to osculate her on the nerve, but she turned and pulled him in for a kiss on the backtalk. I smiled, seeing them so happy. Yes, they started out in a rough lieu, but I was felicitous for both of them, happy that they had found each other.

He pulled away from her and smiled, his eyes locked onto her like she was the simply affair in the entire creation. Looking up at me he smiled."takings charge of her, okay ?"

I nodded and smiled, hoping he knew I would do everything I could.

After he left, I pulled out Roo's little tablet and handed it to her. I sat down in his death chair and looked at Deb while she watched Roo play with her little pad.

"Where'd you get this kiddo ?"She asked Roo.

"My mommy bought it for me with money she saved. Jakey helped me beak it up from the store today…"Roo answered distractedly, only half paying attention to Deb she was so enraptured with her new, niggling toy.

Deb looked at me, raising an eyebrow,"Your mammy bought it for you, huh ?"

I gave her an worsen expression,"Yeah… her mum bought it for her… I just helped her plunk it up."

Deb shook her head word at me,"You're a dependable kid, Jakey…"

I closed my middle, suddenly very tired."So, what are the medico saying ?"

She looked at me levelly,"That I'll be fine."

Tilting my header at her, I narrowed my eyes,"Don't bullshit me. If matter go sideways I'm going to be handling the fallout. I need to know, mom."

She gave me a well-worn smile,"Have I ever told you you're a good kid Jakey ?"

I nodded,"You might have mentioned it."

Deb smiled at me, this meter wider, favorable,"They think I have a thyroidal growth. Day after tomorrow they're going in and taking it out."

My eyebrows went up,"How serious do they think it is ?"

She shook her point,"Not serious. most thyroid military issue are middling tame."

I sighed,"Please be straight with me."I gestured to the elbow room,"I'm pretty sure they don't have you staying here because you like the ambiance…"

She smiled at me, gesturing to the oxygen tube in her olfactory organ."The growth is putting pressure on my windpipe. Doctors are worried that it might make it hard for me to rest. They said I would probably be alright going home…"

I giggled,"Let me gauge, dad flipped the fuck out."

She nodded,"Yes. Your father had a few choice language about his legal opinion on me leaving ..."

I thought of dad and how pissed he probably got… I remembered a level my mom, my nascence mom, would tell me when I was a little kid. When she went into labor the doc at some point had pulled out a big needle and started to reach my mom an injection. Apparently, he didn't explain himself to my dad's expiation and dad put him into a wall and pinned him there…

Deb smiled at me and kissed Roo's head."I'll be fine. Besides, do you seriously think your dad would entrust me for a back if he thought there was any chance of anything going incorrect ?"

She had a point…

I nodded at her and sat with her quietly for a little while, both of us watching Roo play with her new toy. She was enraptured with it, watching the niggling silver screen, pressing release, her whole world boiled down to that small point.

Deb looked at me,"You going to hang out for a duet of days ?"

I nodded."Yeah. At least until we get all of this poppycock sorted out. Probably need to grab a hotel room."

"Honey, you don't need to waste money on a hotel room. You know you can detain at the house. I know things are a little tense with your dad, but you should know, you are always welcome."

I nodded,"I know, I just ask some outer space. Right now, I have to doss on the couch, and that's going to get old after a couple of day. I know I could crash in Re's room, but I think I might go insane if I was surrounded by that much pink for that long…"

Deb smiled at me."You could last out with Casey."

I shook my head at her, thinking back to go night. After that trivial disaster, I found it really hard to trust that I was going to be receive at her place overnight…

"Probably not a proficient mind. We got in a small bit of a fuss last night."

Her oculus narrowed at me,"A little pettifoggery ?"

I shook my fountainhead,"Nothing good. I just said something stupid. It's one of the reasons we're having dinner tonight, so we can utter about it."

I could see some hesitancy in her eyes,"You're sure, zippo serious ?"

My middle narrowed at her. There was something going on here that I didn't understand…"Yeah. goose egg sober. What could it be ?"

She smiled at me,"You two have been circling each former for a long time kiddo… sometimes things get out of deal when there's tension."

I yawned and rubbed my forehead, too tired to think about it…

"When you get home, talk to your dad. Tell him I asked him to give you the keys to unit 47. It just came open a few day ago. It's clean, and furnished. The Mungo Park owns it and I haven't had a opportunity to list it yet. How's that audio ?"

I smiled at her."It sounds perfect. How much is the rent on it ?"

She shook her head at me,"William Tell you what, you can stay there for a few days while you figure out what you're doing and if you decide to stay longer, we'll fill out all the forms."

I smiled at her,"That won't get you in trouble, will it ?"

She shrugged,"No. Between me getting brainsick and the trailer just coming open, if the owner asks, I can tell them you're cleaning the place up and fixing a few things."

Dad worked at the Fish and Wildlife department, checking water system monitoring buoys. Deb owned a small photography business, and supplemented her and dad's income by managing the Mungo Park they lived in. The possessor held it as an investment belongings. Deb managed collecting the rent, making repairs on things that needed attention, buying prevue from people who decided to betray, and renting those house trailer back out when they came open. Occasionally, she sold a property or a prevue and managed the defrayal on it. That was how font had ended up with her trailer. An eighteen-year-old, individual mom that worked at a grocery store, did not exactly have a oversupply of selection when it came to where to live. My mom had made sure she was set up, and had vouched for Casey's loan. I was really gallant of all the work Deb had done for Casey.

Casey had picked out the trailer right hand behind my parents'piazza, just so she'd feel a little more plug into and safer. That in turn of events, had led to her and Deb hanging out a lot. They were pretty good champion for what it was Worth, and it made me glad to see that they had developed such a close relationship.

rental me crash rent free was not exactly kosher though… and I didn't want her getting in worry. Mom and dad weren't exactly struggling, but they weren't flushed either.

"What's the economic rent on the topographic point ?"

Deb rolled her centre,"octet hundred a month."

I nodded and yawned,"I'll contain it. I'd kill that in hotel costs by the end of the calendar week. That way if there's any doubtfulness of what you're doing, it's legit."

She ground her teeth at me,"You and your dad. Always so prim and proper."

I smiled at her,"I'm not prim, I just have lousy luck, and I don't like to spread that to the multitude I love."

She rolled her eyes."Whatever, have your dad give you the keys. The public utility are covered by the park and with the furniture you can move straight in."

She blew air out through her nose,"Can you give to be away from school ?"

I looked at her and smiled."It'll be okay. I need to get the affair with that theme sorted out, but that's not too big a raft. The professor for that class would probably open me a pass if I needed it, I would just prefer to annul that, if possible."

"Do you stimulate summer classes this class ?"

I shook my head."No. Figured I'd take the summer term off this year. next twelvemonth's my final stage twelvemonth, and I'm on track to calibrate in the bound. After that it's off to law school, if I can compute that out and get into one… I was kind of planning on just taking the summer and working, maybe trying to put away some money to help with the move."

Deb looked at Roo,"So, theoretically, you could spend the summer with us ?"

I looked at her, seeing the promise in her middle. It had been years since I had been around for any full stop of fourth dimension. It was obvious she missed me…

I looked at Roo and made up my mind…

"I'd need to find a job, I can't afford to just eat away at my savings all summer…"I hedged.

She smiled a shiteating smiling at me,"At your dad's workplace they're hiring houseman for the year. pulling river sensors, doing trial, that kind of stuff. Pay is always skilful. He's always bitching about how otiose the kids he ends up with are, and with all the environmental classes you've taken, it would be easy for him to convince them to hire you… might even be a dainty linear perspective for you to have when you graduate, a little tangible world experience."

I shook my chief at her, apt old chick my mom is…

"You think it's a ripe idea, dad and I working together ?"

She nodded,"Yes. I think it would be. You and him spending some time together would assist remind him how hard a worker you are, and how a lot he misses you."

I bounced my jaw a few times,"I'll think about it…"

She smiled at me,"I think you should quell for the summertime one way or the other. Some time with fellowship would aid you I think…"

Smiling at Deb, I told her,"You know what. Maybe some time away from law would help me a bit, and that would be nice. Like a long holiday. Be around the mass I love. Spend some fourth dimension with you, and dad, and Re."

Deb smiled at me,"And Roo. And Casey."

I felt the bunco in my heart. I loved Casey…

I just didn't know how much I could abide the pain of being around her and not being able to be with her…

Nodding, I tried to void looking Deb in the eye…"Yeah. Roo and Casey too…"



Chapter 10

Re rushed into the house, pulling Roo behind her. Dad was sitting on the couch, waiting patiently for us to get nursing home so he could get back to the infirmary. I could tell he had snuck a bit of a nap in, as he looked much revived and a sin of a lot less like he'd been sleeping on a Park bench for the last week.

Re gave him a quick coup d'oeil, scooped Roo up and told dad,"Just give me a instant to get changed and we're on the road !"She looked at Roo,"You want to assist me peck out my rig ?"

Roo cheered excitedly, babbling about how she was going to help make Auntie Re pretty…

Dad shook his head and watched them take a hop down the hallway.

I took a tail end on the still damp redact I had shampooed, sharing an awkward moment of secretiveness with my dad. Finally, he looked at me."Why's the couch damp ? You didn't have a adult female in here did you ?"

giving him a deadpan look, I ran my hand across the sofa,"Yeah, dad. I had a girl over. I had Roo hold the camcorder…"I shook my head at him,"You've got to be kidding me, I've never gotten a woman this wet in my entire life… you've seen the equipment I'm working with down there…"

He stopped, his jaw dropping open.

Then he started laughing his ass off.

I started laughing my ass off too…

After we had laughed ourselves out I looked at him,"I gave Roo a bowl of food grain this morning time. She spilled it on the lounge, so I bought a shampooer and cleaned the couch."

He was still chuckling it out, shaking his head as I could see him working through the mental movie in his read/write head."You gave Roo a bowl of grain and let her eat it on the couch ?"

I nodded,"Yep, pretty pillock. the pits, Re even warned me."

He laughed again,"You might want to lie and state your mom you had a girl on the couch…"

I started laughing again, before the mentation occurred to me that I needed to ask him about that unit…"Hey, can you get me the headstone to unit 47 ? I'm going to be renting it for a petty while."

He gave me a shocked flavour,"You going to hang out for a little bit ?"

I nodded,"At least until we figure out what the sin is going on with mom. She form of asked me to lodge around for the summer."

I looked at him, gauging his reaction,"If that's okay, that is."

He looked me up and down,"Yeah. I think that might be good for you."

I scratched my point and tried to retrieve of something intelligent to say…

He cut me a break by speaking first,"Can you afford to stay ? You got enough laid by to get you through, or do you need a piddling helper ?"

I was amazed…

Was dad actually offering to help me pay neb while I lazed about ?

"No. I have enough saved up. I can afford it."I gave him a business firm look to let him know he didn't need to worry about me,"Besides, I'm used to living in the city. My rent there is twelve hundred a month, and then I have to pay utilities. Mom's giving me that trailer for eight hundred, utilities included. I can dangle both for the summer…"

He shrugged,"Might assistant take some of the sting out of it if you had a little something in the way of a job ?"

I smiled at him, surprised to see him taking such an obtuse tack."Mom thought you might be able to set me up with something this summer."I winced at him,"I just didn't want to impose… didn't want to make you sense like you're obligated or something. I don't want it to be Weird, and I didn't want to get through into your refrigerator uninvited."

He smiled at me,"You've been cleaning my refrigerator out since you were as senior high as my knee !"He joked,"Do you seriously think your mom wasn't on the phone with me the instant you left that way ?"

I nodded, grimacing,"Figured that might be the case."

Taking a deep breathing space, I blew it out through my olfactory organ."smell. I know affair are tense with you and I. I don't want to bring down and I don't want to step on your toes. If you think it would be a bad idea for us to work together, just say the word. I'll tell Deb that I decided against it."

He raised his eyebrows, disapproval in his voice,"You'd lie to her ?"

I smiled at him,"I'm studying to be a lawyer call up ? I wouldn't be lying to her. You tell me it's a bad approximation, and I, in turn, resolve against taking the job."

He rolled his eyes…"Never got how someone could be that well-fixed with telling half-truths…"

I sighed,"It's to a lesser extent the half-truths and More the fact that everyone seems to be comfortable with the all-out lies, that has my attention."

He looked at me, a look of true business organisation on his face."What does that mean ?"

I shrugged."Just means I'm starting to doubt whether or not I want to be a attorney. Money's unspoiled if you are willing to be a douchebag. Not so swell if your morals mean something to you."I shook my head,"I know I'm not a great person, but I also know that I really won't be well-chosen misguide people for a living."I shrugged,"I guess I kind of had it in my caput that the truth could still matter to you and be involved in the law…"

He looked at me."I'll set it up tomorrow."

I shook my top dog at him,"What, the job ?"

He nodded,"Yeah. Let's do it. Sounds like you could use some perspective. Get away from working in a law bureau for a little while. Be out there and work with some people that sweat for their money. Get some grease under your nails. By the end of the summer, you'll either go running back to school day happy, or you'll know it isn't for you. Either way, valuable living lesson."

I was floored…

All I could do was nod,"Okay… are you sure it won't be a problem ?"

He smiled at me,"No, it won't be. Not like we'll be in each other's hip pouch all day, every day. Maybe we'll have to do some river runs together, but mostly you'll be working and I'll be managing. body of work for you ?"

"Yeah,"I thought about it for a second, and the More I did, the more appealing it sounded,"it does… I… uh… I appreciate it…"

He stood up and bopped me on the forehead…"Let me get those tonality for you."

Fifteen minutes later, I was standing on Casey's porch. Roo's small deal in mine.

She had her fiddling tablet held tight to her dresser, I held her bluish Olaf shirt in my former hand. I hesitated a second before I knocked…

Get on with it pussy ! My learning ability screamed at me…

I knocked.

I heard Casey bounding through the firm, and the doorway flew open. The door to her prevue opened out, and I knew enough from the bounding cascade of energy that was Casey to tread aside and rive Roo with me. She flew out of the trailer like a unhinged jack-in-a-box. Her position, her vitality was similar night and day between this morning and right now. This aurora, she was filled with lugubriousness. Like she was grieving. Tonight, she seemed like the happiest char in the human race, like no attention could touch her…

I hoped that meant she had thought about my folly finis night, and decided that she could forgive me…

Casey scooped little Roo up and swing me into a big, one armed hug. She kissed me on the cheek like shoemaker's last night never happened, and then kissed her little girl.

"How are my two, favorite mass in the whole world ?"She said, a smile splitting her ear to ear.

It warmed my heart to see her so glad, and at the same time, made my ticker interruption to realize that I had been the rootage of so much of her sadness lately. She had enough burdens to be carrying… I didn't need to be adding to them…

"Thank you so much for covering me being unintelligent Jakey…"She gushed as she let me go and started into her home.

I wanted to hold onto her as she moved away from me, and I had to break and cue myself that I needed to put that part of my brain to bed. I had to let that go. Casey and I would never be that matter, no thing how much I wanted it.

"No trouble. We had fun. Didn't we Button ?"

"We had ton of fun !"She squealed as she hugged her mom tight,"Thank you for my pad !"

She held the minuscule tablet I had bought her out so her mom could see it. Casey took one look at the tablet and her eyes flitted over to me.

"Jakey told me how you saved up money so you could ‘ ford it for me !"

Casey's chin crumpled, her brass overwhelmed with emotion, and there again was that sadness…

weeping filled her eyes up, and I wondered what I'd done wrong this time…

She pulled her little girl into a tight hug, mouthing at me, Thank you.

I nodded, getting her import. She wasn't crying because I had done something incorrect. She was crying because, finally, I had done something right.

Casey set Roo down and grabbed her little berm."Roo. Jakey was confused. He bought your tablet for you."

I felt like I had been gut punched…

Why would she do that ? Why would she not let me fall in her the credit ?

Roo looked confused. She looked from the lozenge, to her mom, and finally to me."Why would he tell apart me you bought it mommy ?"

Casey sniffled, and I could tell she was holding her teardrop back."Because he loves me sweetie, and he loves you. He wanted me to get the mention for buying it for you because in his stupid heading he thought that you'd like it more that way."

Just her saying it jabbed a dagger in my affectionateness. She was crying because she didn't love me back…

I guess I had still done it wrong…

Roo looked at me with pure lovemaking. Her face was so much like her mom's… it took my intimation away. It was then, in that moment, that I finally understood what Deb had gone through. How big of a heart she had, to look at me, a child not her own, and completely accept me. To always treat me like I was her very own. To treat me every bit as right as she did her own child…

I knew, because I decided then and there that I would always be that for Roo.

I had to swallow past the goon that formed in my throat I loved that petty girl that much…

She had no father, or at least the shitbag that had squirted himself in her mom had no desire to be there with his perplex little girl. I would be there though, I would pick up what he had discarded. I would make his folderol, my hoarded wealth. I would always be there when she needed me…

I would do whatever I needed to do to make things right with Casey. I would work out out how to not be such a fuck up. I would be whatever I had to be so Roo could ingest the father she deserved, right up until Casey found the man she deserved and he stepped up to fill the part. I would be her Friend, not her lover. A shoulder to cry on, a mitt to help when she needed. It wouldn't be easy loving her when she didn't love me, but for Roo… for Roo I would find out a way to crowd through it.

Casey turned, and wrapped her blazon around my neck. That lubber in my throat came back with a vengeance as I let my hands circle her waist.

When her backtalk met mine, I was in summate shock, thinking she was just going in for a hug…

Heat exploded through my chest as I kissed her back, pouring every ounce of the love I had for her into that one merging of lips.

When she pulled back from me her oculus were filled with so many things. I saw love there, genuine, passionate sexual love. I saw hope, a hope for the future that she planned to progress. Mostly, though, I saw fearfulness. Not that I would ever hurt her, but a veneration that must get come from worrying that by taking the next step in our human relationship we were risking so much more…

I couldn't help it. I pulled her in for another osculation. I wanted to buss away all of her fright, to find a way to make the most amazing woman, hell, the most amazing somebody in the entire fucking Earth know that things would be alright. That I would make them alright.

"Ewww…"Roo chimed in.

I turned away from Casey's attentions, smiling at Roo,"batch with it kiddo."

Roo looked at her mom, who pulled away from me, and started into the kitchen,"mamma, you shouldn't do that. He has cooties."

Her mom snorted."No, he doesn't kiddo."She chimed at her daughter,"I've known Jakey since mommy was a little girl. mummy made for certain Jakey had his body louse shots."

Roo looked at me, narrowing her short eyes…"Did you have your Pediculus corporis shooter ?"

I smiled at her,"As far as I know I'm up to date on all my vaccinations."

Wow, maybe dad was right. Maybe I was getting a niggling too comfy with half-truths…

Casey laughed as she stirred something that smelled delicious,"Now that's the sort of lawyer talk I love to hear !"

I snorted a bit myself, realizing she had caught my little half-truth. I hadn't had cootie shots… but I was up to date on all my vaccinations…

I went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, looking into the pan to see what we were having for dinner.

I watched Casey as she worked, stirring, mixing, not really paying attention to me. I pushed down the impulse to go around behind her, to wrap my subdivision around her. To buss her neck, and run my nose up her ear. To enjoy the orphic feminine scent of her.

She was uncomfortable. I could see that.

We need to take this slow… I warned myself.

I wanted her, and I wanted to be with her, but I also didn't want to push her into any corner she was uncomfortable being in. She had just taken a huge step by kissing me in figurehead of Roo, and I figured she needed some time to work that.

She looked at me, sensing me watching her, and smiled, the Light Within catching her doe like browned optic and sending a quiver of aesthesis through my chest.

I had to close my eyes and look away just to control the impulse to not rive her into my arms and kiss her again…

When I looked up she was focused back on the pan, chewing on her bottom lip the way she did when she was uneasy, or uncomfortable.

Ease up on the bedchamber optic there, big guy… you're going to spook her. I reminded myself.

I grabbed a piece of diced up love apple off of the tabulator,"What are we having ?"I asked, trying to sound casual.

She looked at me, that glint back in her eye,"Tacos."

I fucking loved tacos…

"Yeah ! Tacos !"Roo chimed into the conversation.

I looked down at her, standing by my feet. She had snuck into the room and was standing close to me, trying to look at her pad, but still be involved in what the adults were doing. I crouched down to be at her grade, and looked into her deep, brown eyes, so much like her mom's…

"Do you like tacos ?"I asked her.

She nodded that enthusiastic nod only a yearling ever seems to manage, the one that shakes their total little body."Tacos are my favorite !"

I smiled at her,"They're my deary too."

I snuck a feel at Casey, making sure she picked up on my not too subtle complement.

She looked back at me, a beaming smile on her human face. Her oculus squirted over to Roo…"She loves that, you know."

I raised my brow at her,"Loves what ?"

She pointed at me with the spatula."When you talk to her, you don't look down at her. You always hunker down to be on her story. She doesn't have to crane her neck up at you to blab with you. Must cause her feel like she's the center of your world when you talk to her…"

I thought about it. She was right, but it wasn't something I ever really thought about.

Shrugging, I told her,"I never really think about it, it just seemed like the mighty thing to do…"

Casey pulled a piece of heart and soul from the pan and tasted it,"Until I saw you do it, I never really thought about it. I always look down on her, unless we're sitting on the couch together or something. see how close she stands to you…"

I noticed then that Roo was right next to me.

I watched her for a few secondment, playing with her toy.

"cum here pumpkin."I told her as I pulled her in, and wrapped my arms around her.

She leaned her little head against my chest, still playing her game.

I closed my eyes and rested my nose against her head, breathing in her scent. How did little tyke always smell so good ? Like a warm spring day after the rain had just fallen. A fragrance that screamed innocence and vulnerability. It was a smell that awakened an animate being motivation in us all to protect, to struggle and die on a consequence's notification if needed…

I felt center on me and looked up, to see Casey with tears in her eyes as she watched us.

Concern flooded through me. Something was definitely not decent here… this was about more than just Casey and I…

"Are you okay ?"I asked, worry clouding through me.

She nodded, and turned back to the pan,"Yeah. Just emotional. You're so honorable with her."

I smiled, raising my brow,"Did you require me not to be ?"

She turned back to me,"No."she told me, shaking her caput,"No. I always knew you'd be great with her."

That was senior high school praise, and I knew it. There was no laurels greater that a adult female could give you than in trusting you with her child.

That's when I realized… maybe that was what was off ?

For me, this Casey/Jake situation was simple. I loved her. I hoped she loved me. Book begins and so it ends. For Casey, matter weren't that simpleton. Her choice, what she wanted, didn't topic. Her world had to start and end with Roo. She couldn't put herself first. She no longer had that right. She had to imagine of Roo, and what was best for her commencement and foremost. Anyone she involved in her life had to be the right fit for what was best for her tiddler as well as what seemed to fit for her. She had to live her animation on the scraps of what her tiddler needed… I knew many people that didn't look at it that way, but I knew Casey well enough to be intimate that was the way it was going to ferment for her. If she did involve me in her life, what did that feel like ? What impact would it have on Roo ?

All of these dubiousness would be flying through Casey's head every time we interacted. More doubts, piled on more doubts. Not just what Jake and Casey thought.

It made me clear how a great deal to a greater extent patient I needed to be. How much more persistent. How I needed to be there, and pass on her dear, and esteem, but also how I needed to fall in her place to realize that I cared about Roo just as practically as I cared about her. I needed to make her understand that for me, it wasn't just a Jake/Casey equality. It was us becoming a family…

"Hey Roo ? What say we go and get you washed up for dinner ?"

Roo looked up at me with sleepy oculus, her left eye drooping a bit as she smiled at me. I realized then that I had screwed up. She had been up and going since she had gotten out of bed that morning. No nap, no relief, just, go, go, go.

I kissed her head,"You're so sleepy… sorry pumpkin. I guess I didn't do a very serious job of taking tending of you. I didn't get you down for a nap…"

Casey's voice was sharp,"Hey."

My promontory snapped around to her, expecting a much-deserved rebuke.

"You did enceinte today."She told me, smiling…





Chapter 11

We ate dinner, pretending to be a family. I sat on one side of Roo, her mom on the other. We took crook eating, and chatting, and getting food into a reluctant three-year-old.

It wasn't easy, and it made me enquire how Casey got any food into herself at all… if it was this challenging to get her to eat her favorite meal, how hard would it be to get her to eat something she didn't like ?

We sat down on the lounge after dinner party to look out the pic. Roo ended up in my lap, curled against me. She started shake up, full of push and waned quickly as the picture show and the comfort provided by her law of proximity to me lulled her off to sleep…

About a tail of the way into the movie, Casey crawled over and nestled herself against me. She looked at me with vulnerable eyes…"Is this okay ?"

I felt that glob form in my throat again and pulled her in tight to me, wrapping the innocent arm that wasn't pinned down being wrapped around Roo around the woman I loved.

I kissed her forehead,"Yeah. This is nice."I mumbled, enjoying the fond feminine mien of her against me.

She cuddled into me soused, and I heard her sniffle again…

I knew she was crying again, and I knew that there wasn't a all-fired matter I was going to be able to do to figure it out, or make it right wing. I decided that instead of worrying about it, instead of making it a bigger setting for her, I would just take out her tighter. She was going to be in control for a change. If she needed to cry, she could cry. If she just needed someone to nuzzle her, all she had to do was climb over and take what she needed.

The day, combined with the solace of being there with my two ladies, lulled me off to log Z's about half way into the motion-picture show. My head pillowed against Casey's, Roo warm like a footling bonfire against my chest. For the first time in a very long sentence, I felt totally well-fixed, totally at peace treaty. The humans seemed to be spinning just for me, like everything was going to be completely okay from now on…

Sometimes life lifts you up just a little bit higher…

So the pin is that much more painful…

I woke to the audio of a click.

Groggy, I had to carry a second to put together in my head where I was. I looked up and saw Casey was holding her phone out, taking a photograph of the three of us together…

Like we were a family.

I wanted that folk so badly.

She looked at me and the sadness in her eyes made me clear that all of the hope that was there… everything was ilk ash in the hint.

Her eyes filled with split,"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake up you up… I just wanted…"Her phonation caught and she nearly sobbed,"I just wanted one flick with the three of us together…"

I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Everything would appear better in the twinkle of forenoon. That she would always experience me… but something in my spirit told me that was a lie…

She turned and like that, her backtalk were on mine. Not a necessitous kiss, just one of quiet desperation. I kissed her back, feeling the surge of emotion in my chest that her kiss ignited in me. I wanted in that second to just forget everything. To put Roo to bed, and carry Casey off to her sleeping room. To shit love to her and to never let her go…

But I knew that wasn't going to materialise. Gears were in motion, the universe of discourse itself lining up the art object to secure that everything we knew and loved was going to be tear asunder. Glass smashed and scattered across the flooring, only to cut our digit every metre we tried to foot up the pieces.

I don't know for certain that I heard the voice of God in that kiss… maybe it was just my mind playing illusion on me, but I felt mystifying in my core, from a place so much deep than my intellect a interpreter, both booming and somehow a whispering William Tell me…

"I'm sorry kid. Get ready for it… this is going to be bad… now is the second you will see the true profoundness of pain in the neck, you will depend into the well of sorrow and what you choose to be afterwards will be the man that is judged…"

I pulled back from the kiss, seeing the tears and sorrow in Casey's eyes…

"I'm sorry."She whispered.

I felt my oculus narrow at her. Felt my body's want for her pushed down by something so much more than powerful…"I think we need to birth that talk now…"I whispered back at her.

She nodded, a mix of an affirmation and a shake of her headway, like she knew the truth but did not want to face it.

Her hand came up and caressed my cheek as desperation filled her optic. Her lips again found mine, and all that worry and pain washed away.

I felt another voice from within…

"This. tactile property only this and question no foster. make what she gives you, and ask no more. This would be okay…"

I let the seductiveness of that voice tranquilize me ...

She broke our candy kiss and our eye locked,"I love you…"She whispered.

Joy surged in my pith like a Prunella modularis leaping into the air, only to be torn apart by the hawk's talons. I felt that joy smashed to shreds…

"I'm going to recount you the truth…"She whispered.

I didn't understand what the fuck she was saying… what Truth ?

Her hand caressed my face again,"Just let me put Roo to bed… and then we'll talk, okay ?"

I felt the voice whisper in my foreland again…

"That way lies only pain… don't say I didn't warn you…"

I felt my brain nod stupidly, like a mitt had gripped me atop my headspring and moved me like a puppet.

She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her script. She scooped Roo up and carried her towards the hallway. I sat there dumbly and watched her go, wondering why I was letting her go…

She stopped just before she turned the corner."Will you help me put her down ?"

I nodded and got up, walking to her and taking Roo's limp body from her. She took a footstep backwards and looked at the two of us together, like she was taking a genial exposure of the moment.

I followed her into Roo's tiny sleeping accommodation. Her piffling bed. The kangaroo I had bought for Casey sitting in proud protrusion in the substance of the pillow. I looked around the room and saw the blank, ordered meticulousness of Casey's ordered mind. The care and consolation that every item in the way had. Like Casey had built a shrine to her daughter…

There were choke up creature, and pic scattered throughout the room. Everything soft fabrics.

I noticed More than a few of the word-painting were of me, and my mind spun a paraphernalia as I wondered why…

I set Roo's lifeless dead body down on the bed while Casey collected the too big Olaf shirt from the top of the chest. She came back and handed me the shirt."I'll get her disinvest, and you help me get her into this…"

I helped her, wondering at the unearthly ritual that Casey had seemed to put together…

We tucked Roo in together, and for a instant sat position by face on the little lady friend's bed, watching her sleep…

Casey looked at me and gave me a feeble smile.

My manus found its way up to her face, pulling her closer to me. I swallowed past times my eye and looked into her eyes…"You're a good momma Casey."

She shook her nous,"No,"split filled her center and cascaded down her cheek,"No I'm not."

I suddenly felt anger boiling point up within me. nonentity talked about Casey that way !

Not even Casey…

"Hey. Stop that. This isn't easy and that's how you make it look…"

The thought finally burned its way out of my mind.

The question I had never had the bravery to ask before…"Case ? Where's her dad ?"I shook my chief at her,"How can that piece of asshole just leave all of this to you… to shoulder all of this all by yourself ?"

Her face crumpled and I knew then that I had opened the well…

I had chosen to search into the well of sorrow…

And what was worse…

I had made her look with me.

She sobbed, collapsing into my chest. Her tears coming fast and hard, like a damn had erupted. I held her compressed and tried to stuff the pain out of her, like some infected boil filled with puss and bile.

After a minute or so, I felt the steel enter her spine again.

She pushed away from me and looked into my middle."semen on, and I'll tell you."

Instantly, I pushed all worry about the puniness of having a Jake/Casey conversation out of my creative thinker. I realized how much more crucial this conversation was…

I followed her to the kitchen. She went straight to the Deepfreeze and took a bottle of tequila, still broad, out. She set it on the mesa.

Her eyes found mine,"You're going to want to sit for this…"

I sat dumbly, watching her social movement, graceful and broad of sorrow…

She collected two glasses from the cupboard and sat across from me. She filled the two deoxyephedrine with about two finger of liquid state and slid one across to me…

I looked at her, dumb discombobulation on my typeface as she downed hers in one motion. Her nerve filled with strength as she pinned me with her gaze."You're going to desire to wassail that…"She warned.

I felt the discombobulation press onto my face as I took the glass and slowly drank the nasty fluid within…

I set the cup down and watched her filling her own again. She downed it in one quick motion too…

She took my cup back and started to fulfill it.

I stopped her, putting my hand over the looking glass,"I'm good."

She looked at me, her eyes piercing me like she was looking straight into my soul…

Gently, she pried my digit from the methamphetamine hydrochloride. She filled the cup with another two finger of strong drink and slid it back to me. I took it from her, not drinking, just simply feeling the cool glass against my script. She filled her cup again and sat, looking into it.

She swallowed past a lump in her throat,"The summer before you left to go to college I was in love with someone…"

Ouch.

That damage.

It shouldn't have… but nooky, it felt like someone had rammed a knife into my back…

I felt myself down the cup of liquid without cerebration, the cold liquor burning my throat on the way down…

She sipped from her cup and pushed the bottle to me.

Suddenly I realized I was going to need it just as often as she realized I did…

I filled another two in of liquid and whispered to her…"I didn't know that…"

She nodded, her face crumpling a bit, but she kept control,"I know."

She shrugged,"He was the most amaze person in the man, and I was obsessed with him. He was all I could think about. I wanted him with every fiber of my being."She shook her head word sadly, and took a sip from her glass.

"He didn't bill though…"

I shook my mind and looked at the table, feeling the terrible unhappiness that I knew she felt.

She took a deep breath,"He asked me to go to this political party with him. He was leaving Town in a couple of weeks, and I think he thought of it as one final hurrah before he left."

How could I not take in known about any of this ? I wondered…

"I went with him, hoping against hope that I could find the braveness to finally corner him and make him understand how I felt."She shook her question and drained the rest of her cup.

I slid the bottle back to her and she refilled it.

"When we got there though… things were too perfect. They were always too gross with him. He made me feel amazing all the prison term, like I was clear than air. Nobody has ever made me feel like that…"

I felt teardrop start to form in my own eye and drained my cup again…

There you go kid… there's the answer to your question… she may love you now… but she'll never love you like that…

Casey pushed the bottle back to me and I refilled.

She wet her lips and continued."We had so a lot fun that night. senior high and Sir David Alexander Cecil Low, me alternating between being enraptured at having him there with me, and then crashing into a pit, knowing I was going to lose him forever…

"We started drinking. He was putting down two for my one, sometimes three to my one."

Her eyes found mine again, her soul pressing up against mine.

"About halfway through the Night I got the stupid idea into my head I've ever had…"She killed her Methedrine again.

I slid the bottleful back to her and watched her fill her glass again.

"See, I decided that I loved him. I was still a Virgo the Virgin and I decided that I wanted to give that to him…"

That made me kill my glass…

She slid the bottle back to me and I realized how a good deal I had drank, and how quickly…

I shook my chief and left the methamphetamine empty.

"You're going to want to fill it back up."She told me, regret in her voice.

I looked at her, sorrow and affright spearing through my bureau. A war for what I should feel crashing through me breaking the glass in the corridors of my mind. What could be defective than hearing about how the woman I loved lost her virginity… ?

"He was really sot, and I was really embarrassed."She shook her head."I knew he didn't want me like that, and I knew if I just asked him he would say no, so I kept him drinking while I stopped."

I sighed as I looked at my Quaker. I watched as she exposed every raw nerve in her trunk to me…

"I took him up to one of the chamber, and I locked the door."She shook her forefront,"He wasn't a Virgo. He had run off and thrown that giving away on some silly girl the year before…"She looked me in the eye,"But I didn't mind. I just wanted him."Her face cracked, and tears starting pouring down her face.

"I wanted one time, just one, fucking,"her vocalisation broke…"time, to make love what it felt like to be in his arms."

Tears dropped down her face as she downed her glass again. I handed her the bottle back, and this time she left her glass empty…

She put her human face in her hands and she almost lost control…"It was perfect. He was placate to me, and as we did it he told me he loved me over and over… He kissed me, and he held me, and for the first sentence in I don't know how long I felt loved. I felt happy."

Tears fell down her cheek hard as she looked at me…

"I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I wanted just this one low thing. I wanted to profess for just one night that the man I loved, loved me back. I wanted him to be mine, and I didn't caution how selfish I was being."

She almost lost her control again, but she managed to wrest it back…

My emotions were swirling like a maelstrom. angriness and jealously swirling at the top.

Sorrow for the pain she was feeling.

Disappointment at how she had conducted herself.

But most of all, I felt erotic love for her. I wanted to embroil everything away and just pull her into my arms and tell her how a great deal I loved her, and how none of this mattered because we would have each other…

"When it was over, we lay there naked, him wrapped around me. He kissed my ear as he drifted off to sleep…"she smiled, a sweet counterpoint to the rent that poured down her fount,"these fiddling kisses, just one after another, his lips just lightly nipping at me, right up until he fell asleep. I lay there, thinking of how happy I was. Fixated on all the times he told me he had loved me while he was making love to me… a part of me filling with Bob Hope that he meant it. That it wasn't just hormone talking…"She shook her head and looked at the table in shame.

"And then it hit me. I had just raped him… and now I was hoping that he was just going to wake up in the dawning and say, ‘ Oh shit, Casey, I'm glad you did that ! I see the erroneousness in my mode now ! ’."The tears fell punishing now."And I panicked. I got up, and I got dressed. And I got him ignite up enough to get him dressed. And I promised myself that I had gotten what I had wanted. I had given him what I wanted to give him. I lay there the rest of the Nox in his arms… half of me terrified he'd wake up in the morning and remember me. think what we had done. Remember that he had told me he loved me. think of that he did sleep together me…

"The early half prayed that he was too drunk to remember… maybe remember, but think we were both drunkard and it was just two well friends that had taken things too far…"She stopped and took a rich breath…"And in the sunup, he woke up… and he didn't remember…"

I felt the keys in my head snap together…

Oh, God… no…

My eyes came up from the table…"What party was this ?"

Her font crumpled,"lav Key's…"

I felt the air sucked out of the room… felt a ghost drag it's fingers up my rachis. Felt it whisper in my ear…

I had woken up with Casey in my arms at John Key's party… exactly two weeks before I had left to go to school…

My stomach did a backflip and tried to push out the hard drink I had poured into it…

My head went giddy and I nearly passed out…

"Roo…"I whispered, looking at her in panic, hoping beyond hope that she would recite me no. That she would scream at me that I was wrong… that I was being too self-centered. That not everything in the human beings was about me…

She just started sobbing and shaking her head…"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"She mumbled between sobs…

Roo was my daughter…

She was mine…

I felt tears smash into me as the full phase of the moon brunt of my shame tore through the corridors of my brain.

My caput dropped to the mesa as I wrapped my weapon around my stomach…

I felt the love I felt for Casey, the making love I had held onto for dear sprightliness up until that moment, burst into flames and go scattering to the wind.

I felt the most unsounded sentience of disgrace I had ever felt in my entire life…

I should own known…

Trying desperately to center my universe… I thought of Roo.

I thought of my baby miss. I thought of all the affair I had missed in her short sprightliness. Her first Word of God. Her offset step…

Inferno, I had missed her kickoff breath…

I couldn't think about that.

That way lie madness…

I sat at the tabular array and sobbed like I had never sobbed before…

Never had I felt anything even close to this painful.

Somehow, I managed to find the strength to purloin my capitulum and look at…

Her.

The emotion drained out of me, leaving me empty.

"Are you sure ?"

My voice was hollow, the emotion drained from me, leaving me unable to breathe.

She had her weapon wrapped pissed around herself. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to comport herself enough to resolve my questions… She nodded her foreland,"You're the just one… Ever."

I am not an angry man…

I don't hit women…

But in that moment. In that consequence, a vision filled my mind of me grabbing the table and flipping it over.

Casey would holler as my fist came down… her teeth would scatter around the room as I hit her, again, and again.

As I screamed at her that she had no rightfulness. She had no right to keep my daughter from me. She had no right to do what she had done…

I thought of how beneficial it would feel. Of how righteous it would feel…

I forced the thought out of my head.

I stood, forcing myself away from the table.

I had to go.

I had to run.

My legs went watery as the thought that I had let my child little girl run around for three years without knowing who her daddy was…

I fell, just managing to catch up with the niche of the counter…

I tried to recite myself it was the alcohol… but I knew the truth.

Casey was there, her hands on my arm, trying to stabilize me.

"Don't contact me !"I screamed at the top of my lungs, my arm whipping away from her like her paw were branding irons on my skin.

Her hands pulled away from me like I was an galvanic current.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry !"She kept saying, like that was going to make it alright.

I could listen Roo crying in the other elbow room, awakened by my outburst…

Another thing you managed to fuck up… The nasty vocalisation in my question screamed at me in glee.

Casey's voice was pleading behind me,"Please. find fault me. Don't rap Roo. It's not her fault… please fault me… hate me, don't hate Roo."

I couldn't hear her anymore. I couldn't look at her.

So, I did the only matter I could do.

I fled.

She managed to stop me with one hired man on the doorhandle to the front door…

"Roo needs you…"

I turned back to her… this empty thing… this… this disgusting creature that now lived in the skin my beautiful Casey had once wore.

mightiness as well know… this can't hurt anymore… I warned myself,"Why didn't you tell me ?"I croaked, my representative like a utter man's.

She had her weapons system wrapped around herself as she looked into my face…"Because of that feel right there… The one on your face right now… because I knew, once I told you, you were going to detest me forever… and I couldn't lose you. I was too fallible to lose you… I loved you too much…"

I stepped into the dark and slammed the door behind me.



Chapter 12

For the inaugural meter in my animation, I woke up the side by side first light, and didn't want to get out of bed and face the world. It was all just too much…

I laid there, on a shitty bed in my new rented home plate. No sheets, no cover, no pillow. Just me, alone on a bare mattress. Light streamed in through the curtain less windowpane, a gash of light across my cheek. A hanker time passed, and I might have fallen back asleep… or I may have just laid there catatonic.

I had no use.

No goal.

Honestly, I had very lilliputian that seemed worth getting out of bed for…

I knew I did. I knew I now had a daughter, just a couple hundred yards from where I now lay probably…

I knew I should get up. I should put one foot in battlefront of the other and observe a way to put myself in front of her…

But that would mean facing her mother…

I couldn't do that.

I couldn't aspect her.

I'd rather stare down an angry bear at that moment than look at her…

I'd rather look down the drum of a shotgun.

I looked back on my biography and wondered how I felt so empty about her now. How this beautiful thing I had once loved more than the following breathing time in my lungs had become… how she had become what she had become ...

Now. Now I felt zilch but furor and pain.

Look on the brilliant side… at to the lowest degree you don't hatred her… My brain added, helpfully.

My phone beeped on the bed next to me. I lifted it, looking at the projection screen. It was a text from Re…

"Can you give me a ride this morning… ?"

I let the phone driblet to my chest. I couldn't get out of bed. Not even for Re…

I let my brain fade to black.

Five minutes later someone was banging on my front end door.

I decided they could rap until doomsday.

One bit later, someone opened my forepart door…

Ha ! If you wanted to sulk like a bitch, probably should have locked the door first ! My genius laughed at me.

I heard Re come to the hallway and stop in the room access of the open door. I lifted my head word from the bed and looked at her. She stood there, her manus over her eyes."Get out of bed lazy ass…"She told me, a smile on her face.

I let my head drop back down."You're not the boss of me."

"I'm going to take my hired hand away from my eyes… so assist me god, if you're naked, I'm going to have to go into the kitchen and chip at my middle out with a spoon."

I was not bare. I had no shirt on, but I had slept pretty a lot as I had been dressed yesterday. jean, my the boot still on.

I stared up at the roof as Re took her hand away from her eyes.

Swallowing, I assured her,"jest's on you. There's no silverware in the kitchen."

Her playful give-and-take dropped and she came over and sat on the edge of the bed. Her aspect was filled with concern.

"Are you okay ?"She asked, her assuredness handwriting reaching out and caressing my face, feeling for a temperature,"Are you chuck ?"

"Does being sick and tired of being animated count ?"I murmured, feeling sorry for myself.

She grabbed my face and pulled it to face her,"What the piece of tail did you just say ?"

I took a breathing time and shook my head,"Sorry. Bad joke."

She held onto my font, her nails digging into my boldness,"Not funny."

Nodding I told her,"I know. I'm sorry."

"What's unseasonable ?"She asked, her paw softening as her fingers caressed my cheek, genuine concern flooding her face.

I shook my chief and forced myself to start getting up."I don't want to talk about it…"

"Look, I can hitch a ride with Lisa… I'm sorry bro. I didn't know you were having a bad day, I just thought I'd bug you a bit."She started to get up.

Pushing myself off the bed, I grabbed my shirt from where I had let it drop to the floor before crashing into the bed.

"No, it's not a big deal. You're right, I need to get my ass out of bed and face the world. Time to stop tone sorry for myself."

She stood and caught my arm, making me face her. She moved in front of me. Reaching up, she took my face between her hands. She held me firm and looked into my eyes. I couldn't even meet her gaze…

Suddenly, she hugged me tight,"We'll get it figured out bro… I'm sorry it hurts so much…"

I held her tight and tried to avoid crying in front of her,"I haven't showered in two days… do I have time for one ?"

She nodded,"I'll run menage real quick and get you a towel and some soap."

I had forgotten I would even need that stuff…

Maybe Casey was correct. Maybe I shouldn't be taking tutelage of a child… I couldn't even take care of myself it would seem…

I got in under the hottest pee my body could possibly stand and just let my mind go to seed. The water was at to the lowest degree hot, but the showerhead sucked, the pressure weak, and the spray frightful. It wasn't nearly as relaxing as I had hoped it would be.

A few minutes later I heard the door loose and a bar of soap appeared over the top of the shower bath curtain."Towel on the counter…"Re's voice announced."Please… for the love of god, do not open the shower curtain…"

I chuckled in bitchiness of myself.

I washed myself thoroughly and toweled myself dry. I went into the sleeping room and grabbed my last set of light dress out of my bag…

pauperization to do some laundry too… living never stops… need to remember that. I thought to myself as I dressed slowly.

"Fucking kick !"Re's voice from the animation room.

I stepped out of the bedroom and looked at Re, who was sitting in the oversized chair in the bread and butter room.

I gave her a questioning look…

"screw Casey won't answer my texts !"She announced.

My eyes went wide as I stomped across the theatre, pulled her phone from her before I fingered my way through her texts…

Fuck…

The get-go one was pretty tame…"What happened between you and my brother… I'm worried about him."

Casey's reply,"Not something to talk about over text… also, pretty personal. I know you're worried about him, but not something I want to spill about. Sorry."

Re's answer,"Seriously ? I came over this good morning and he's shit near in a coma. What happened ? Tell me now."

"Kiddo. I love you, but I'm not talking to you about this."

And then Re's crazy train jumps the railing and smashes into a children's hospital.

"William Tell me right now you fucking squawk ! I swear to god if you don't stop performing with his fucking head I'm going to arrive over there and rip your tonsils out through your bunghole !"

I looked at Re, who was still sitting in the chairwoman, chewing her nail and doing what I guess was her outdo endeavor at looking innocent.

I offered her phone to her,"wellspring. That escalated quickly."

She shrugged,"I'm sick of her playing biz with your head. She either needs to get on the stick or have it away the hell right off…"

I shook my head at her, proud that she was willing to defend me, especially to someone she loved as a lot as she loved Casey, but still very worried that she had chosen this moment to thrust even more gasolene on the attack of the problem.

I looked at her,"I really like you hadn't done that."

She stood and got in my face,"Will you just stop defending her ? Why are you being such a fucking doormat ? !"

I didn't want to distinguish her…

Casey was her Friend, and throwing spanner into the gears was not going to facilitate any of this be any easier… not for me, not for Casey, not for Roo… hell, not even for Adriana.

"Kiddo, I'll get this unharmed thing figured out, but it's going to take time…"

She grabbed her bag angrily off the couch."seed on. I'm going to be late and if you're going to be Mister Mysterious about this whole affair, I don't have time for your crap."

She stomped to the door and I followed. After as a good deal as I had drank the dark before at Casey's house, I hadn't wanted to move my hand truck, even the couplet hundred yards necessary to get to my new place so we had to walk back to my parent's station and collect my it. The walk left me chasing after Re the entire clip. When we finally arrived, I was surprised when she walked past my truck without stopping…

It took me half a second of standing there dumbstruck to figure out what was happening, what she was doing… finally it hit me and I realized. She was heading to Casey's place…

I panicked and rushed forward, grabbing her arm,"What do you think you're doing ?"

She spun on me and I could have sworn, she was wild enough I thought she was going to take a swing music at me…

"I'm going over to that fucking pussy's house and I'm getting a fucking explanation !"she explained as she poked me in the chest hard,"She doesn't want to text about it ? Fine ! She can fucking explain it to me in somebody !"

She was nearly screaming she was so angry…

Wow… she was pissed…

I took a second and pinched the bridge of my nose, my broken nose shriek at me as I did. I was careful to keep one of her wrists held in my hand. Re was angry enough that if I let her go she might very well bursting charge over there and depart thrashing on the room access. thing were shitty right now, I couldn't even imagine what would happen if Re found out, and somehow the thought of dragging my wild sister off the mother of my child did not appear to be a particularly fun time…

"Kiddo. I need a whirl on this one. Just give me a day to get matter figured out."

She sighed, clearly angry out of her mind…"No. I don't like this."

I grabbed both of her hands in mine,"Please, I'm mendicancy you. Please. Cut me a interruption here."

She turned and stomped towards my truck. Looking back at me, she pointed her finger at me,"One day, that's what you get and not one sec more, and I'm not promising that I won't still break her shtup arm for whatever this is…"

I sighed… well, at least I got the day.

I really didn't know what the shag I was going to do with it, but I got it…

I took her to the schoolhouse and dropped her off. As she got out of the truck I stopped her, not trusting her anger to not overpower her common sense,"One more thing…"

She looked at me, obviously annoyed."What ?"

"No more texting ? Please ? things are ruffianly enough as it is. You pouring more gas on the fire isn't going to help."

She clenched her jaw,"I won't text anymore…"

I raised my brow and tilted my head at her,"And if she texts you back… ?"

She rolled her eyes,"I'll be good…"

"You're awesome."

Her eye narrowed at me and she ground her teeth,"I don't like you keeping secrets. In fact, I don't like anything about this full fucked up situation."

She pointed at me again,"Tomorrow morning. You have until tomorrow morning to commit me an explanation, or I'm going to go get one myself."

I nodded,"I know, and I promise you, I will. induce a good day. I'll come pick you up when you're done."

She shook her head,"No. I'll make it home plate on my own. Seems like you have a lot on your plate right now…"

I nodded, a billow of emotion crowding through me…

As she walked away, I sat and thought about my options.

I could go home and crawl into bed again.

I could drive straight to a bar and creeping straight into a bottle…

That sounded like a pretty sleep together good option…

Or… or, I could do the grownup thing and try to work my way through this. I knew that was the dear selection. The one that resulted in the most increase for everyone…

Didn't mean value it was what I wanted to do.

Be a parent. My thoughts told me. Do what's upright for Roo…

I sighed, knowing it was the right way to recall. It was best, but it didn't mean I had to like it. I tried to mull over how that looked and could come up with no answers. What I really needed, was help. serve and advice. What I needed was soul I trusted to tell me what they thought, to point me in the mightily way. To assist me figure out where to start. How to react. mortal to help me figure out what to do.

I drove to the hospital.

I really didn't want to sing to anyone right now, but I also knew that no issue what personal shit I had going, I still had responsibilities to my family. Re had reminded me of that. No matter how very much I just wanted to go dwelling house, and curl up in a footling ball in my shitty bed, the world continues to spin and I needed to compute out how to spin around with it.

It didn't hurt my decision making mental process to know that I was heading towards the best bonk parent I had ever seen…

As I walked into Deb's room, I was surprised to not witness my dad there. I didn't think wild horses could scuff him away from my mom's bedside, even if she was just sitting there, killing time until the MD worked their magic…

I looked at mom, sitting there in the bed, TV running lowly, reading a book. She was a trivial disheveled, a fact I knew bugged the doodly-squat out of her. She had on one of those hospital night-robe things, her hair pulled up into a jigger tail. fiddling learn glass were perched on the edge of her nose…

She looked up, smiling at me as she closed her Good Book, marking her space with her finger,"Hey kiddo…"

I dropped lifelessly into the chair beside the bed,"Hey."

She gave me that mother bear look…

I tried to hedge her off, sighing while I looked around the room, as if I expected him to add up bursting out from beneath the bed,"Where's dad ?"

Her center narrowed,"I made him go to process. He was driving me insane…"

I nodded… understandable…

Well, that was all the small talk I had in me…

I found myself staring at a spot on the story about three feet in front of my chair. Staring at a period where the white and black tiles all met. Staring just to void mentation. To avoid facing my problems.

"What's damage kiddo ?"She asked me, cautiously.

I looked at her and sighed, a big suspiration that echoed from the posterior of my toes, to the top of my head…

I rolled my thoughts over in my psyche, trying to come up the wrangle. There was no right way to say it, at to the lowest degree not that didn't make it sound like I was being an cocksucker, or outright crazy…

"Roo's mine…"

Her human face filled with not surprise, as I had expected, but instead with sadness…

Ha ! And you thought things couldn't get worse ! My brain screamed at me, throwing itself on the floor in a fit of laugher…

She shook her head, as she ground her dentition,"That stupid girl…"

My center slipped closed as I tried to carry my anger once again… I focused on my breathing, in, out, in, out…

I'm not an angry soul. I'm not an raging person… I AM NOT AN ANGRY PERSON ! ! ! My nous screamed at me as I tried to contain myself…

And like that, my anger fell into an abysm of freezing inhuman weewee, replaced only with despair…

"You knew ?"I heard myself croaking, opening my eyes once again, this time searching her aspect for the solution to all of the doubt rolling around in my mind…

She took her reading glasses off and threw them on her bed, grabbing the bridge of her nose while she shook her head. Finally, she nodded, looking up at me."I've known almost since Roo was born…"

I felt tears sting up in my eyes…

I shook my head… it was too much. I couldn't accept the true statement of it…

I found my face in my script as I tried to ascertain the wave of emotion that crashed over me, dragging me into the depths of insanity.

"Tell me…"my part choked out,"Tell me why ?"my vocalism raising…"How did you find out ?"Louder…"Why did she narrate you and not me ? !"I was nearly screaming, my anger finally cascading over…

Her font was stark misery, and the anger was instantly washed away as I realized that miserableness was for me, and not for herself.

You will control yourself. A voice filled with blade echoed through my head. You will not raise your voice with this cleaning lady again… you owe her better than that.

I forced all the anger and injure into a piffling locker inside my brain, feeling the ringlet snag and rale as I finally managed to draw them all closed. The cerebration burst the wrinkle, screaming and tearing at the small box I had forced them into. The chain of mountains rattled, the ignition lock groaned, the woodwind instrument rent and burned, but they held…

She sighed…"Baby boy…"She shook her headway at me,"Everyone can see it but you."

Tears fell from my eyes as I shook my head at her,"See what ?"

"You and that girl have been circling each other since you were eleven age old. You've been mad about each other the entire time… when she ended up meaning, everybody's first effrontery was that it was yours. Hell, my first assumption was that it was yours."She looked at me with pity…

"I was certainly you would resign school and come run home. That this was the end of your dreams. You'd give up everything for that girl, just to stick out by her side…"She shook her head,"but you didn't… and the only thing that made me doubt you might be the father was when you didn't… that's why I never brought it up when I talked to you about her, about the nuisance she was going through. You never once blinked, you never hesitated…

"I doubted then, because I knew you too well. I knew the man my little boy was, and I knew that the hound dog of hell themselves would never be able to drag him away from Casey if she were pregnant with his child.

"You didn't come domicile, and I started to recollect she'd done something stupid. That she felt that she'd lost you, and she'd jumped into bed with soul else. somebody to show you what you'd lost maybe… maybe just individual to submerge out the pain in the ass of losing you…

"I lied to myself, and I convinced myself that was what had happened. I knew the totally time I should have leaned on you. I should have confronted you with how you felt about her. I should have talked you into coming back and standing beside her."She shook her head,"I told myself a thousand times that she needed you, and you needed her, and every time I started to tell you to do the hurt thing, I talked myself out of it. I told myself you needed to experience the fortune to follow your dreaming. I lied to myself and state myself that it was just one year before she would run off and be with you. That she was going to keep abreast you like a lost puppy. I kept telling myself that there was going to be time. Time for you two to figure it out. meter for you to realize what was really going to make you happy."

She shrugged,"And then Roo was born."

She shook her head at me,"One aspect and I knew. I knew she was yours. I could see it written all over her little face. I was so angry. I was angry at you, for knocking her up and then turning your spinal column on her. I was angry at her for letting you. I was tempestuous that she had kept it from me… I wanted, no, I needed to cognise why. Why the two of you had made the decision. Why the two of you couldn't just figure it out… and so I went to her and I demanded an reply. I demanded to know what had happened. I couldn't believe my little boy would walk away from his little girlfriend. I didn't want to take on that to myself, that you had. I needed to acknowledge. I needed the answers it was going to rent to convince myself to forgive you. As soon as I confronted her… I realized how haywire I was… she broke down and told me everything. What she had done, how she had done it… everything.

"I sat there, and I listened to this fiddling girl I loved like my own daughter. I thought of all the times I had seen her stare at you like you were the first and the ending to the entire world, like you held the universe in the ribbon of your hand. I thought of her in her trivial green prom apparel, when she had gone with you your elderly year, how proud she had been, how much love had been in her eyes when she looked at you. How angelic and shy, how full of mystery she was…

"I thought of you, your arms wrapped around her as you two played in the swim syndicate in the hinder yard. Your nerve filled with the purest joy I had ever seen on my sad little boy's face. Like she made the full macrocosm go away, like zero in the world mattered except her."

bust filled my mom's centre, and I realized now how much she loved me. How lots she really, truly, loved me.

"I thought of how you stared at her when you knew she wasn't looking, how your fingerbreadth lingered over her pelt, how protective you always were of her…

"I thought about her first boyfriend, who had dumped her, and how you got yourself suspended from school because you knocked him out. I saw the cult in your eyes and knew that yes, a part of you was angry at him for hurting her, but the bighearted part was furious because he had something you always wanted and he had just thrown it away…

"I knew, knowing she had kept it from you…"She shook her mind,"It would charge you up inside…"

Her eyes met mine, firm and strong,"And I told her to never severalise you…"

My jaw clenched in rage and the locker almost split undefendable. I nearly lost control…

My voice was filled with spitefulness,"Why ?"

Her eyes bore into me,"Because I know the man you are. You are, without a dubiousness, the undivided best man I have ever known…"

And like that the rage boiled out of me…

I shook my head, finally letting it settle between my medallion, like I was trying to keep it from flying apart in confusion.

"I don't feel like a unspoilt man right now…"I muttered, shaking my head.

She nodded,"I know. But you are. You are the best, truly the best. Your dad is a good man, but he doesn't have your solitaire. He'll suffer for a effort he believes in, but he won't do it just because it's the right thing, like you will.

"I knew, all Casey had to do was snap her fingers and you'd come. All she had to do was tell you she loved you, and you'd never leave her or Roo's position, not ever and not for any reason. You'd love Roo like she was your own, like I did with you. Not because she was one-half you…"she shook her head,"that would mean so little to you, like in your center she was something somehow worse because she had you in her. No, you would sleep with her fiercer than any man ever would, not because she was a office of you, but because she was half her… half Casey…

"And that would be the end of it. There would be no question about who her father was, because you'd kill any man that even tried to claim her as their own. It was a lousy decision, but that's what I told her to do. I begged her to call you, and just tell you she needed you. To assure you she loved you, and she needed you."

She shook her head ; her sadness was palatable."I was wild with her when I found out you asked her to join you at school and she'd refused. I didn't public lecture to her for a solid month. And that was when it hit me. She couldn't Tell you. There was too much disgrace. Too a good deal regret. There was no way she could train you into her life and look at you every day. The guilt would bite her to ash tree. She needed you in her animation, and living with you, looking at you, she would be eaten alive…

"I knew she wouldn't be capable to not tell you…

"I almost told you then myself, but I knew, I knew, if anyone but her told you, it would charge you apart. She would be drained to you, and one day you'd look up from all your pain and ire and you'd realize that you had given up on the best thing that had ever happened to you. You'd hate yourself for letting her case between your fingers…

"I hated it, but I hoped she'd move on. She'd find some former man to sate the Jake shaped pickle in her spirit. That she'd forget about you… that she'd finally find a way to be at serenity, and maybe put resolution on the thing for you, so you could move on too…"She shook her heading,"But the guilt kept her from doing that too… and pretty soon she was like a specter. A shell that lived only for her daughter. There was no joy in her, no felicity in her life history, there was only Roo… except when you were around. When you called her. When the burning brightness level of your gaze fell on her, only then was she lit up, only then did she start breathing. Only then was she active again…"

She went quiet…

My optic narrowed at her,"And now that I know ?"

She looked me up and down,"And now, I hope that I'm wrong about everything. I hope that you are better, and smarter man than I gave you credit for. But I don't think that will go on, and all I can do is try to make you empathize how stupid the cerebration that are running through your top dog are… I can remind you that you love that young lady, and that she loves you. I can make you realize that there is no way you can take the air away from Roo, and Casey is always going to be a part of that equation ...

"And I can be sad for you. I can look at you right now and see the anger burning in your center every time I say her name. I know what you've lost,"She shook her fountainhead at me once again,"and I can differentiate you, it's not what you think it is.

"Right now, you think you've lost three year with your daughter, and you have, but what you're considering right now, is giving up the rest of your lifetime with the woman you love…"

My jaw clenched harder,"Don't. Don't you even try to defend her… and don't say I love her."

My teeth hurt I was clenching my jaw so hard…

She looked at me with shame,"If you don't want to allow you love her, then you are lying to yourself, and that makes you a unintelligent man than I ever thought you'd be. I'm not defending her. I'm word of advice you. I've never seen a love like the one you contribution with Casey. Never. You're like two attractive feature, just searching for each other all the metre, and when you finally connect, magic happens. The two of you are like one mortal tear into two bodies…"

She shook her header at me,"Please be smart… don't throw this away… be a easily man than I thought you were going to be. Be an even serious man than your mother, who loves you with all of her inwardness, knows you to be. Don't do it for me, or for your father, or for Casey, don't even do it for Roo… do it for you. Please…"

I closed my center, and ran my fingers across my look, trying to wipe the exhaustion, the frustration away… it was all too a lot to deal. There were too many thing flying at me from all sides… too many choices… too many people to consider… too a good deal right to be done and too little of me to do it…

Deb's articulation called me back to realness,"You're harm right now, and wild, but soon, soon you're going to heat up and you'll find that your heart belongs to her still… and when that happens, a very especial part of you will die if you've burned this bridge… and the real bitch of it is you won't be capable to submerge it away in women, or hard drink, because you'll have to look that woman in the eyes every time you see your little girl…"

I put my expression back in my hands, trying hard to sort through everything I was feeling. Specifically, I was looking for one thing… I was looking for my honey. The division of me, the best component part of me, knew that Deb was right… that everything she said was spot on… if I truly love Casey.

If I still loved Casey. With that in judgment, I went looking for my love for her… I was looking for that special place that held the well of emotion I felt for Casey. On the airfoil, I found what I was expecting, hurt and anger, but diving down deeper, I found it…

I didn't want to line up it…

But I did…

And then my idea snapped back. So much made sense now…

"Dad…"I croaked…"Oh, god no… Dad knows too… that's what push back the grinder between us when I left…"My foreland fell back into my hands…"God, who else besides me knows ? Why am I the alone one too stupid person to see… ?"I looked back at Deb,"Adrianna too ?"

She shook her head,"It's not what you think. Your dad, he doesn't know, at least he doesn't know, know."She took a deep breath and fluff it out,"He suspects, which is even worse… in his nous he sees Roo, and his judgement keeps coming round to what his sum tells him, but he rejects it. He won't believe himself. He can't submit what his eyes are telling him, and what he knows about his son. He can't accept the Sojourner Truth that his son, the substantially, smartest, warm man in the man, in his mind at least, truly could just walk away from his daughter…"

I shook my head at her, amazed,"And you never told him ?"

She shook her head back at me,"I couldn't. I know that was hard on you. I know it created hardships in your relationship, but if I had told him, he would birth told you, and if that had happened there'd be no stopping how angry you would be…"

It was a diddley reason… and I was angry at her… but I knew it was true.

"And Adrianna ?"

Deb sighed,"Adrianna doesn't know, at least she doesn't truly know, but she's not stupid. Up until now, she's been too youthful, too willing to accept what she's told. She's getting older though, and she's figuring it out. It won't be long."

I sighed,"She already knows."

Deb's eyebrows shot up,"You told her ?"

I shook my head,"No. But she asked me directly if Roo was mine two nighttime ago… that get-go Nox I was back abode, at the fourth dimension, I didn't know."

I sighed…

Well, there it was…

"So, what do I do now ?"I asked her.

She shrugged,"Now ? Well, I would think that would be obvious, honey. You decide. You decide if you want to let ira rule your sprightliness or you decide you want to sense sorry for yourself and your loss… or you decide you choose to be happy…"



Chapter 13

I sat alone in the shadow of my trailer. I wanted very often to lie to myself. To evidence myself I was sorting through my thoughts.

To severalize myself I was making program for my future. Lie, and call I was trying to estimate all of this out…

The truth was, I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn't want the the true. I didn't want to figure this altogether affair out. It was all too very much for me. All I knew was that I wanted to palpate sorry for myself. I wanted to sit, and think about every moment I had lost. All those first base in Roo's spirit. Every moment I had ever missed…

I heard the knock on the door and lifted my head from where I had thrown it back on the lounge. scare surged through me for a disunited s as my panicked mind screamed that it was Casey. That she had come to confront me about how I felt. What determination I was going to make…

My common sense kicked in as I realized the knock was way too intemperate to be Casey…

My warmheartedness also told me the arcanum trueness of Casey. There was no way she was ever going to face up me. If I grabbed my bag right now, got in my truck and headed back home, never to retrovert, she would never say a word to me about it.

I stood up and turned on the lamp, throwing some twinkle on the way. I felt a here and now's shame as I thought about how pathetic it was for me to be sitting in the dark, feeling sorry for myself.

Then I realized how fiddling I really gave a red cent what anyone thought, to the lowest degree of all myself…

I turned the porch light on, and opened the door to receive my dad standing on my porch.

He was blinking in the sudden visible radiation of the porch Light as he laughed ; a scant, humourless bark."You look like shit kid…"

I nodded slowly, feeling so many of those old grievance fall away…

"screw you old man… I'm having a bad day."

He smiled,"Drunk yet ?"he asked.

I shook my head slowly,"Nope…"

He raised a bottle of whisky I hadn't noticed he was holding,"deficiency to see how profligate we can fucking fix that ?"

My intellect latched onto that like a port in a tempest,"shtup yes."

He handed me the feeding bottle as I let him in. I looked at it, Johnnie Alice Walker Blue recording label, serious stuff…

I chuckled,"I don't think you needed to splurge on the good stuff for how I feel right now… wild Turkey would have done just fine…"

He smiled at me as he plopped himself down on the couch."You say that now, but you don't know the account of that bottle…"

I threw the bottle up, letting it flip in the air before I caught it again…"Enlighted me."

He raised his eyebrows,"wellspring, see. When I had the hoot and the bees talk with you… I went out the next day, and I"He pointed at the feeding bottle,"bought that bottle. I told myself that the day I had my first grandkid you and I would pop that fucker open and get good and drunk…"

We stared at each former for a few seconds…

Then we both burst out laughing…"How'd that plan turn out for you ?"I asked between snorts.

He shook his head,"cipher in life is ever as easygoing as we make it seem, is it ?"

I shook my foreland as I looked at the bottle,"Ain't that the truth ?"

We stared at each early for a few seconds, not an uncomfortable silence, just one where both of us tried to screen out out what we were thinking, what needed to be said, what was upright left to silence…

I raised the nursing bottle,"Let me scare up a few glasses…"

He shook his head emphatically,"Nope. We're going to pour down that fucker straight from the bottle."He patted the frame next to him,"Think we could both use it right now."

It hit me then how selfish I was being. All I could imagine of was how miserable I was, how fuddle. I realized then that he was in just as shadow a place. Deb was sitting in a infirmary bed right now, ready to go under the knife in the morn to have something taken out of her that may, or may not, be cancer. Maybe to bear a clump of death cut out of her…

The love of my dad's life history was fighting for hers, tooth and pinpoint right now, and all I could think of was myself…

I walked to the sofa and sighed, disappointed in myself.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm being such an ass. How are you doing with all of this ?"

His face looked like I had slapped him. He shook his drumhead and took the bottle from my hand. Twisting it open, he looked at me,"Boy, you got your head turned justly around in all of this. I didn't come over here for you to be a shoulder for me to cry on, I came over here to be there for you…"he rolled his eyes,"for once."

I could see the letdown in his oculus, and for the first fourth dimension in a very longsighted time, it wasn't directed at me… this prison term, well, this time, it was directed inward. I could see how disappointed in himself he was.

He took a big drink and looked me deep in the eyes,"Boy, I've been a real fuckface."

I started to protest and he held his hand up,"No. Just fucking listen for once."He took a deep breath and blow out it out through his olfactory organ,"I've been an asshole… a tot and gross botcher and I want you to know how sorry I am…"

I took the bottleful from him and took a big crapulence out of it, the warm liquidity burning its way down my throat like a swarm of bees… I shook my top dog at him,"Doesn't mean diddley, dad, and it's not all your mistake. I could have been a man, I could have cornered you on it. I could have smacked you upside the heading and told you to stop being an mother fucker. I could have made you say me, and a lot of this shit would have been a whole lot better had I done it."My center flashed and met his, I offered him the bottleful,"It's on me as much as you."

He shook his read/write head at me, taking the bottleful and taking a big twist from it.

"Where's your header at rightfield now, kid ?"He asked me.

I shook my head.

"You planning on murdering Casey, grabbing Roo and heading to United Mexican States ?"

"Nope."I told him, taking a big drink from the bottle,"My Spanish sucks… I was thinking of heading to Canada…"

He laughed,"Shitty plan. Too easy for them to gyrate you back from the Great White North…"

I sighed,"Yep. Figured that… guess I'll just have to let her springy and public figure this out…"

We sat side by side on the sofa for a few minutes, each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. We passed the bottle back and forth, hitting it hard each time.

It was me that finally broke the silence,"Three fucking years. I've lost three fucking years with my little girl, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

He took another crapulence, his head bobbing,"Yep. Life's a bitch sometimes…"

I snorted, feeling the whiskey beginning to kick in, the warm burn in my dresser, the slackening of my brawn, the softness in my pass that made the painful sensation feel so much LE. I had never read how people had lost so much of themselves to the allure of the booze. Now… now I understood. I felt the pain start to unfreeze away, felt it originate to not matter so much anymore.

I didn't want that. I needed to feel the razorblades flash between my fingerbreadth. I needed to have sex how this felt, and so I latched onto it, I pulled the pain closer to myself…"What the nookie am I supposed to do ?"

Dad took another pull from the nursing bottle,"well, I guess that depends on what the shag you want to do ?"

I looked at him from the corner of my eye,"Helpful. What's that mean ?"

He shrugged,"wellspring. Seems like you have some options…"His middle pinned me down,"Though none of them get you that three year back with your minuscule girl… so just put that shit right the fuck out of your mind."

I nodded, feeling the sadness and conclusiveness of that settle into my gut… like ashes into the hint, those long time were gone…

"Yeah, I know that…"I admitted sadly.

He frowned, and I could feel how sorry for that he was. How much it hurt him to see the damage in me. He took another deep breather,"You could just put your shit back in your truck and fountainhead Frederick North again."

I started to dissent and he again held his hand up,"No. piece of ass that,"He told me emphatically,"A lot of men would do exactly that. They'd face at that bitch and evidence themselves, ‘ she wants to raise a kid on her own, all right !'they'd tell themselves that she thought they weren't serious enough for her the first clock time and now, now that she was circling back them that they were too good for her, and they'd hit the road."

My jaw set in wrath as I even considered such a route. I promised myself, no thing what, I'd never be that man. I shook my head fiercely,"Not an option."

He nodded sadly, and I could tell that while a piece of him was deeply proud of me for choosing not to take the easy route, there was something about that that made him even sadder,"Thought so…"

He took another twist from the nursing bottle and passed it to me."So, seems to me you have to figure out what you're comfortable with."

My left eye twitched,"You mean what she's comfy with, don't you ?"

His optic took on a fury I had not seen much of since Deb had come into his life,"No, I don't boy. You see, this isn't about her anymore. This is about the kid. Your kid. Yeah, it's hers too, but the two of you need to make up one's mind together. It ain't about you, and it ain't about her. It's about Roo. For right now, you need to tread up and dictate how you're going to participate in Roo's life sentence. Casey has very little say in that. You need to settle whether you're a part of her life or not, whether you're a paycheck to aid get her what she needs, whether you're an ass in the hint, or whether you're a part of her workaday life. Whether you're there for her, or whether you're her father. That's your initiatory step. Everything else falls in cable behind that decision."

I took a cryptic drink from the bottleful, feeling a trivial bit of repulsive force with myself for getting slammed when I had a little girl… somehow, it just didn't seem right to me…

"I'm going to be her father."I finally decided."I'm going to be a good father."

"And if Casey doesn't want that ?"He asked me.

I took another trench drink,"Then fuck Casey…"

That's what got you into this hatful SOB ! My brain shouted at me, laughing hysterically.

I took another oceanic abyss drink to shut out that asshole up.

Dad frowned, nodding his caput with obvious pride,"trade good for you. So that decision is made."

I nibbled at my bottom lip, trying to think."And what do I do about Casey ?"

He sighed a jade sigh, taking another beverage from the nursing bottle."Well, that, that's another can of worms…"

I took a inscrutable breath…

I was not going to care asking this…

"What would you do ?"I asked.

He shook his question,"Nope. No way in hell I'm answering that. lifespan's too short to be living the misery individual else picks out for you."He looked at me,"addition, maybe for once in my life I'd be fresh to realize that maybe my better half is bright than I am. She seems to think you're the second coming…"He took another sip out of the bottle,"And I think she might just be right. That you might just be unintelligent enough to do the the right way thing because you think it is the right thing. I don't want to be putting any stupid estimation in your head about what the decent determination is…"

I laughed and took the feeding bottle back from him…"And what does Deb tell you ? What did she severalize you to tell me to do ?"

He threw his psyche back and laughed, the booze getting into his brain,"She thinks you should run over there this instant and slap a pack on that girl while you've got her over the barrel. She seems to remember that if you asked that lady friend to marry you, the guilt of what she just pulled might just push her into saying yes."

I looked at him and took another drink,"And what do you remember about that ?"

He took the feeding bottle back from me, sipping at it,"I think if you do that, you better be a better man than I am."

I looked at him, realizing for the first time how practically affect the intoxicant was having on me, as it seemed as if I was starting to sway, even as I sat there."How's that ?"

He sipped at the bottle again,"looking at. I'm not proud of it, but had a cleaning woman done to me, what that woman did to you, and I was twenty-two… I'd have knocked her teeth out the binding of her skull…"

I nodded, taking another drink from the bottleful,"I thought about it."

He nudged me with his arm,"Of track you thought about it. Any man with any sense of pride would have."He nudged me again,"Proud of you that you didn't though…"

I let my mind drop back onto the spinal column of the sofa. Some of that was just being tired, but the enceinte part was to try to get the earthly concern to stop spinning for a second.

"If you do decide to do that, you better get your head straight first,"He continued.

I lifted my head and raised my supercilium,"roast her tooth out ?"

He gave me a comical face and shook his mind,"No. Time for that's passed. I mean if you do decide to slap a ring on that girl. Sounds like a pretty stupid mind to me. Too a lot need for both of you to forgive and forget…"

I drunkenly slapped myself on the chest,"What's she got to forgive me for ?"

He looked at me dumbly,"For not noticing ? For not just grabbing her up and riding off on your white horse ? Who fucking knows ? Women are crazy."He sat and swayed for a second,"Not what I meant though. That girlfriend is going to be carrying a lot of guilt trip. If you two are even going to think of making a go at it, she's going to call for to learn to forgive herself. She's going to necessitate to push passed her bad conclusion. And that means you're fucked."

I tilted my head back towards him,"You mean I'm even more know ?"

He smiled and nodded,"Yep."

I raised an supercilium at him,"How's that ?"

He sighed and took another drinkable from the feeding bottle."See, you're going to need to forgive her."

He looked me up and down,"And I don't mean you need to say the tidings and then make believe that everything's okey. You need to incur a way to forgive her,"He tapped me in the chest,"In here,"Then he smacked me in the head,"And in here. Not going to be easy."

He drank from the bottleful again,"This ain't one of those things that can be brought up and chewed on every time the two of you can't decide if dinner party is going to be steak or pork chop tonight. Imagine how those conversations play out, ‘ I want to go out to the new movie ! ’, ‘ No ! I want to stay in tonight, plus you hid my girl from me ! ’, see what I'm saying ?"

I nodded. It was a point I hadn't considered before…

If I wanted her, I needed to pay her an entirely impudent start…

I had to forgive, and not only forgive, but forget…

He raised the bottleful at me,"See ? Fucking hard, huh ?"

I nodded dumbly,"Life sucks…"

He threw his head back and laughed."Doesn't it ?"

I threw my headland over and looked at him, tired of thinking about my own shitty problem,"So what are you doing to do about Deb ?"

He sat, a deer in headlights look on his typeface. I could see he didn't like the enquiry, didn't want to answer it. At its heart, I was asking him how he was going to handle this if things went south. How he was going to go on living…

His center filled with tears."Boy… I already put one wife in the ground… I can't,"He shook his head teacher,"I can't do it again…"

I put my arm around him and pulled him close, taking the feeding bottle from him.

He clung to it for a second, holding it tight… like he was holding on to Deb…

"I can't…"He whispered,"I think I'll just lay down… maybe find a way to go join her…"

I sat up, a smiling on my side. Leaning in fold to him, I wrapped my hand in his shirt.

And gave him the heavily fucking wag I had ever given him in my lifetime. His eyes went wide, and I could see just a small shaving of concern in them as I screamed at him,"Don't you even think of it you fucking pussy !"

I gave him another house shake."Just put that fucking thought right out of your fucking head ! You don't have that right."I leaned in stopping point to him, my voice dropping to a growl,"If she dies, you're going to drive in up your courage and you're going to put your articulatio humeri to the bike again. You're going to put her into the primer, and then you're going to man the fuck up. You're going to remove tending of Adrianna, like a fucking man ! You have a girl too mother fucker ! If Deb goes, who's going to demand attention of your short girlfriend ?"

He looked down, and I could see the shame in his eyes…"Boy…"he shook his question,"I wasn't made for this parenting shit… your momma was. Deb is…"he looked down, feeling sorry for himself,"I never was. attend how bad I fucked it up with you."

My center narrowed,"fucking you. stop over feeling sorry for yourself."

I hit myself in the chest,"What's wrong with me ? I'm gon na be a fucking attorney !"

He shook his header sadly at me,"That was all Debby… and your momma…"

I pushed him back, letting go of his shirt roughly,"Bullshit. You were there too. For every kiss over every quarrel knee, you were the one telling me to get my ass back on the bike. To halt being a pussy and go back at it. You think that just came from Deb ? That thing that makes us get back up and maintain fighting ?"

I poked him in the pectus harder than was necessary,"That was you. Re is going to need that. She's going to require you to pluck her vertebral column up and disperse her off and say her to get her ass in gear. You're going to need to control her while she sobs. You're going to need to make sure she goes to shoal. You're going to need to attain certain that she doesn't fuck her life up. Who else is going to do that for her ?"

The more I said to him, the more I realized that every Bible of it applied to me just as much as it applied to him. I was a father now. I had a short fille. Every obligation I was lecturing him about having, I had too…

He smiled,"I will… but I know you would too, if I wasn't around."

I narrowed my eyes at him,"I would. But if you check yourself out… I'm taking a trash dump on your grave…"

He smiled,"You might."

I pointed at him,"No. I will. And not just once. I mean, I'm driving there every sentence I feel like it, and taking a squat on your grave."

He laughed, shaking his head…"We figure anything out here tonight ?"

I took another drink from the bottle,"We figured out I'll darn on your grave…"

He threw his head back on the lounge, laughing,"I already knew you were going to do that. I mean with you, with me."

I elbowed him, taking another drink. I knew I was drunk, but didn't care… I was finishing this bottle tonight."We figured out both of us are going to man up, no matter what, and take on forethought of our little girls."

He struggled up to his fundament, taking the bottle from me as he went. He took one final swallow from it."shuffling you a great deal ?"

I nodded.

"We'll both take upkeep of our trivial girls, and we'll both try to take tutelage of our ma'am ?"

I took the bottle back from him."Damn straight."I held the bottleful up,"I'm keeping this."

He smiled at me, swaying drunkenly."Go ahead. I'm too fucking old to be polishing bottle off… I'm going home…"

I raised the bottleful and took another drink, noticing that the nursing bottle was disturbingly low…"I'd walk of life you to the door, but I'm too much of an asshole…"

He smiled at me, chuckling…"That you are boy… that you are…"



Chapter 14

I sat for a spell in the duskiness, sipping from the bottle. I thought of my piddling girl and all the things I had missed…

I started to pass into a well of self-pity again…

Then I realized something that drove shame straight into the spunk of me…

I thought of a lesson my dad had taught me. Some trivial thing, but something important nonetheless…

I had gotten some bad grade from a teacher that didn't like me. My dad had gotten pissed at me, and I had done what every other kid since the get-go of fourth dimension had done. I had blamed the teacher. I had told him she was out to get me…

He went and met the instructor, and had a conference with her. When he came home, he looked me straight in the eye and told me I was right, that lady really did hate me, and she was going to do everything in her power to cook surely I failed her class…

I looked at him with defence and asked when he was pulling me out of the form. He told me that there was no way he was going to do that. That I needed to learn a lesson about the world… sometimes life isn't fair.

I had argued, pointing out that the gradation she was giving me were unfair and he looked at me and asked,"If you walk down a dark alley, and a guy jumps out of the tincture, beats the shit out of you and takes your pocketbook, who's shift is it ?"

"The robber's"I had screamed,"He shouldn't be robbing people."

Dad had nodded sagely,"And maybe that's the lesson you learn. You're the victim. So, the next night, you walk down the same dark back street, and the like guy jumps out, and tucker your ass, and takes your wallet… now who's at fault ?"

I wanted to say it was still the robber's flaw. No matter what conclusion mortal else makes, nobody has the right hand to be a criminal…

But I also realized, in that situation I would be at fault too… I had a choice. I could walk down that alley, or I could learn my object lesson and go a different way…

"fountainhead, it would be both of our faults…"I mumbled.

Dad nodded sagely,"Now the next Nox, you walk down that Lapp alley, and the same guy jumps out, beats your ass and takes your notecase. Now who's at mistake ?"

I gave him what I'm sure now was a smart assed looking at,"O.K., at some pointedness, you need to con your lesson and realise that something is going to go badly. Now you'd be at fault for making yourself into a victim."

He smiled at me,"But if that's true the tierce time, doesn't it make it true the first-class honours degree time ?"

I sat and thought about it…

"Now, bad things can bump, but when they do, if the only deterrent example you take out of them is that you're the dupe, the same thing is just going to hold on on happening…"

I sat and thought about it,"I don't see what that has to do with this teacher crapping on my grades."

He shrugged,"Yeah, she gave you some bad grades. That's straight. Who turned in the work ? Who gave her elbow room to have them bad mark ? When you got the first one, what did you do ? Did you amend the caliber of the piece of work ? Or did you throw up your hands and make yourself a victim and keep walking down that Saame darkness alley ?"

I had stayed in that class… I improved the work I was doing. In the end, I had pulled my grade up from a D to a B. I learned two crucial lesson that day. The starting time was that there were style to make sure that the quality of the study you did was so good, there was no way that someone could shit on it…

The second lesson I had learned, was that no thing what happened, you weren't a victim. Everything that happens gives you a chance to learn from it. That moral may go down on. It may hurt, but how you responded to it determined who you were. You could learn and make yourself stronger, and smarter, or you could sit there in the mud and cry, and point a finger.

One choice made your life better.

The other choice made it worse.

In the end, it was our choice.

Casey had kept my piddling little girl from me for three age, true.

In that fourth dimension, I had missed every important event that my footling girl had experienced.

I had missed her first breath.

Her first cry.

Her first meal.

I hadn't been there when she said her first word.

When she took her initiative step.

I had not been there when she was laid into her bed for the first time…

All of that had been taken from me.

Today, I chose to miss her waking up.

I chose to pretermit her getting dressed.

I chose to neglect her getting breakfast.

I chose to miss her entire day…

Today, I was to blame…

I chose to miss today.

For what ? My pride ? That pillock, hollow thing ?

For my wrath ? For something that really did cipher any good ?

Who was to charge for that ?

nookie that ! Not anymore ! My drunken mastermind screamed at me. Get your ass up !

I stumbled up from the couch and went to the doorway. Stepping out into the summer dark, I watched the moths bat at the deoxyephedrine of the streetlight as I weaved my way drunkenly to Casey's house…

I nearly fell walking up her stairs…

I knocked on her front door.

I decided, then and there.

I didn't want to see Casey. I didn't want to face her.

I did want my little daughter. I wanted to see my little Roo…

Casey opened the door, her face red, her eyes puffy. She had been crying…

She took one look at me, standing there, swaying drunkenly…

A bark of laughter managed to constrict itself out of her before she shut it off.

"Are you drunk ?"She asked me.

I smiled at her… I couldn't service but grinning at her when she gave me that smile. It was like the sun on my face on a cold winter day. Like the air was in the worldly concern just for me.

"Yep."I announced as I held up the nursing bottle I hadn't even realized I had carried over from my place…"The good stuff too."

She crossed her arms in that sexy way she always did… that way that made me just want to walk up to her, and deplume her into my arm. To kiss those beautiful lips… to let my digit walk their way down her back, to feel her skin on mine.

I swallowed passed the ball in my pharynx, and licked my lips."You look very beautiful when you stand like that…"

sadness filled her eyes,"Maybe you shouldn't talk like that."

I took another drink from the bottle, thinking about that,"ass it. It's true. I might as well say it."

I pointed into her house,"Can I see her ?"

She looked me up and down,"She's sleeping."

I looked at the storey, trying to get the ikon of Casey out of my mind…

Finally, I looked up at her and said, stupidly,"I'll be quiet ?"

She gave me that look only a mother can appear to have down pat. That look that said you're a drunk asshole…

Finally, she stepped aside and waved me in.

I stepped into her house, trying laborious to keep my balance and not embarrass myself any more. It was going to be a tough thing I realized, as I nearly tripped over the two-inch stone's throw into the firm. Casey stepped in social movement of me and caught me…

"That was embarrassing…"I muttered as I straightened myself back out.

Casey gently took the bottle from my hand…"Maybe you should let me go for on to this ?"

I nodded, relinquishing the bottleful,"Probably a good idea."

I patted her on the school principal,"You're a undecomposed friend… you always look out for me."

She smiled, a touch of sadness in her eyes…"She's in her room. Please try to be tranquillize and not wake up her…"

I smiled the smile of a boozy fool…

As I stumbled past her I looked back, gesturing at the bottleful she was holding,"That's the good stuff… you should finish it… I've had too much…"

She smiled and looked at the bottle,"Okay."

I stumbled back to picayune Roo's room. The door was open just a shot, a slight nightlight the entirely light in the way. Even drunk as I was, I knew skillful than to turn over the igniter on…

I wanted to see her. To observe my piffling angel sleep. I left the door open, throwing wakeful across her piffling aspect as she slept, and crept into the room. Going to the box of the elbow room, I grabbed a glider chair and pulled it closer to the bed, sitting down.

I sat and watched her sleep while I rocked back and Forth in the death chair. I watched her for a very long time…

I studied the little cable of her stark facial expression, seeing so very much of the woman I loved there. Her hair, her niggling nuzzle. The bender of her graceful lips.

The more I looked though, the more of myself I saw in her piffling human face. My cheeks, my complexion.

I tented my hands across my lap and felt the terrific mix of pleasure and happiness my piddling girlfriend gave me, like a fond cup of hot cocoa on a coldness winter day. Like that first big beverage of lemonade after a tough day of working in the summertime sun.

I was beginning to blow off when a tail threw itself across my angel…

I looked in the doorway and there she was. I knew, just from looking at her, I loved her as much in that moment as I had the first gear day when she had held her little hired man out to me…

As much as I had loved her the night I had taken her to prom.

As much as I had the morning after we had conceived little Roo, when I had woken to obtain her clutched in my arms…

I remembered then how happy I had been to observe her there. How complete I had felt with her in my arms, her ardent body pressed against mine. The way her hair had smelled as she lay pillowed against my thorax. I remembered how I had pulled her tighter to me, desperate to feel her against my soundbox. I remembered how much I had wanted to kiss her… and how my fear had made me too much of a coward to follow through.

I remembered how she had woken, and how she had slipped out of my weaponry, embarrassed to have woken there…

And I remembered how alone I had felt once she had left. How incomplete…

I smiled at her as she stood there in the doorway, watching me and our small young woman. She smiled back at me,"Do you want me to get a blankey ? So, you can slumber in here tonight ?"She whispered.

I shook my chief sadly,"No. I should go place. I don't want her to ignite and find me,"I gestured to myself,"like this."

She giggled, holding her hand over her mouth,"Drunk ?"

I nodded, then stir my straits,"No. Feeling sorry for myself…"

The smile fell from her nerve and her eyes fell to the base as she nodded, swallowing past the chunk I knew would be in her throat…"It's okay…"

I forced myself to my feet, and leaned over my little missy. Kissing the side of her top dog, I whispered into her ear,"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out baby girl… but I promise… I'll never leave you alone again…"

I gave her one More, one littler kiss as she squirmed and repositioned herself, cursing myself for a fool for having disturbed her sleep.

I made myself take the air out of the room. Casey let me passed, and followed airless behind me. I could feel her there, her presence comforting, and so a great deal like home…

It made me realize why…

How on that for the first time Nox I was on my way back. After I had found out mom was in the hospital. I was in the truck, and I was thinking, I'm on my way home…

I had wondered to myself what made it home…

Then I realized. Home was wherever Casey was…

I took a deep, sighing breath and tried to stabilize myself as I turned back to her. Her face was so beautiful. So complete. It was everything I could ever require in a face.

Looking at her, I tried to find the hate I had felt for her, tried to find the ira I had held onto all day…

And like that. With one look at her, I couldn't remember any of it.

She stepped closer to me…"We should talk…"

I nodded stupidly and held a finger up to her back talk, feeling her perfectly kissable backtalk."Not tonight, okay ? I'm drunk… and stupid…"

She nodded and smiled at me as my finger traced its way down from her back talk to her jaw."I'm sorry."She whispered.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, realizing how a great deal I wanted her…

I knew I had to state her…

"That night…"I began as her eyes found mine,"When we made Roo ?"

Her eyes found the base, and I had to put my finger's breadth beneath her chin and force her optic back up to mine…

Her look melted and somehow, even crying I found a way to love her nerve even more…

"I wanted you…"I whispered.

She gave me a sad smile,"You were rummy, how could you know you wanted me ?"

I leaned in closer to her,"Because I'm drunk right now… and I want you…"

My lips found hers. A small, loving kiss… my top lip finding the spot above hers, the small scrape of electricity that pounded through my body every clip I kissed her…

My arms found their way around her as I lifted her high-pitched, making her easier to kiss…

Her arms found their way around my neck as she lifted herself higher into my arms.

Neither of us pressed the kiss any farther than it needed to go, and when we separated, I looked into her too deep, too brown eyes. She had binge in them, and I reached up and wiped them away…

"I'm sorry…"She whispered once again.

I leaned in and kissed her forehead to let her screw it was going to be okay…

When I leaned back she looked deeply into my eyes…"You can take in me tonight… if you want…"

I felt lust for her dig through my torso as I pulled her into another deep candy kiss. I felt my body start to respond to her…

Felt her tongue on mine…

Heard her strained, panting breather as she met my osculate viciously…

Smelled the shampoo of her hairsbreadth, the scoop on her skin…

I let my kisses trail down her typeface, finding her neck…

My hands found their way up under her shirt…

I let them dog across her front man, and move around to her back. My finger dug into the tangle brawn there…

I somehow managed to find the strength to pull away from her…

It was like escaping the somberness of a black hole…

She looked at me, love, and marvel, and lust ranch across her face…

I hoped this wouldn't hurt her too much…"Not tonight…"I whispered…

lugubriousness played across her eyes again, but this time, this fourth dimension she did not cry…"Why ?"She whispered back to me,"It doesn't have to signify anything. You can have me this evening, and in the morning, you can go back to hating me."

I smiled at her…"I don't hate you…"

She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself…"I understand…"

I felt her pain… I knew she took it as rejection, and the bitch of the thing was… there was no way to build her not find that pain. I wanted her, I wanted to be with her with every in of my trunk.

I was drunk, and considering our history, there was no way that I could have her and her not think that it was just a repeat of our start time together… I tried desperately to think of a way for me to have her and to have her not think of it as her just having her way with me because I had no control…

I took her head between my hands…"No."I told her, shaking my foreland,"You don't…"

I closed my center and tried to think, tried to make my brain start working right again. I hated the way the hard liquor made me feel now…

I pulled her in and kissed her forehead…"My mom is going in for operating theater tomorrow. Can you be there ?"

Her eyes flashed up to mine…"I shouldn't… I mean…"

I kissed her brow again."Please. I need you. I need you to be there with me… to be there for me. I need you to be my class. I'm begging you."

She put her mitt to my lips…"Shhh… hitch. Please. I'm sorry. I'll be there. I promise…"

I pulled her tight, hugging her with all my might…"Thank you."

She tapped me, giggling a fiddling,"Thanks… but I need a minuscule intimation here…"

Chapter 15

I woke to a pounding headache the following morning… cursing myself for a fool…"I'm never drinking ever again…"I whined, holding my aching head in my hands…

I was wrapped in a sheet I had bought the day before…

I heard my front threshold spread and the pounding step of what could only be a herd of wildebeest… or my little sister, Re. She burst through the door,"seed on ! come on ! Come on !"She squealed at the top of her lungs…

My head did a backflip into a mellow pocket billiards of lava…

"Oh my god… how screw loud do you need to be ?"I croaked.

She jumped up onto my bed, screaming at the top of her lungs,"You got ta get up ! You got ta get up ! You got ta get up in the sunrise !"

I reached back and grabbed one of her feet and pulled it out from beneath her. She fell with a screech and then dropped backwards off the bed with a yelp…

She hit the story with a thump that I could feel through the bed.

"That hurt ! Asshole !"She whined.

I chuckled, feeling better suddenly as I let my head evenfall back onto my pillow.

"Why are you being so fucking loud ?"

She giggled as she grabbed the edge of the bed and started to pull herself up.

"Because I know you're so fucking hungover you can't see straight !"She announced with glee.

I looked back at her, murder in my eyes…"And do you know why I'm hungover ?"I asked, my vocalism nearly a growl…

I saw the panic in her eyes… then the shame.

I felt bad for having played that plug-in for something so petty…

At the same prison term, I had promised her that if she gave me one day I would tell her what was going on between me and Casey. She had given me that day. I was grateful that soul had saved me the pain of having to tell her…

A wicked grin spread across her face…"Because you drank too much !"She screamed as she jumped across the bed and grabbed me."Wakey ! Wakey !"She screamed.

I started laughing…

That brought her up short…"Why are you laughing ?"

I smirked at her,"Because I'm naked under this sheet."

She jumped back like she had touched a hold out wire"Eww… that's fucking egregious bro ! Why didn't you warn me !"

I laid back on the bed, watching her wiggle as she threw her paw over her center."Gross, gross, gross !"She cried as she ran to the door and closed it behind her."Now I need to go bleach my optic ! Get your ass in gear ! We need to get moving !"

I laughed all the way to the shower, thinking about how uncomfortable she was…

When I got out, I toweled off and grabbed the loud pair of clothes I had bought along with the weather sheet yesterday. I really needed to take upkeep of my clothing situation…

We got in my truck and headed out for the hospital.

As soon as we got out of the preview parking lot, Re looked at me,"So, I was right… Roo's yours."

I rolled my eyes…"Yes, she's mine."

She nibbled at her lip…"So, did you lie to me then ?"

I looked at her, realizing now how a lot that would smart her… how much finding out that I had lied to her would tear her apart…

"No. Its… complicated. It was a drunken hookup…"It wasn't completely accurate… it left out a lot of details… but I just couldn't bring myself to severalise her that Casey had taken the luck and jumped at it.

"I didn't remember in the morning…"

She looked at me,"But she did."

I nodded, feeling horrible for having lied to her, even if it was a lie of omission.

It was then I realized… I realized how easily it was. I realized how easy it was to take up letting the ball curlicue and how easily it snowballed into something that was uncontrollable.

I couldn't do that…"I was leaving. She decided that she wanted me. I was too wassail, and she panicked. She hid it from me thinking I would disapprove her, that I would be pissed for having taken ‘ reward ’."

She looked at me,"So she raped you ?"

The anger in my eyes as I snapped back to face her caused her to recoil back from me.

"No !"My vox was nearly a growl as it ripped its way out of me. Like I was some kind of caged beast…

Her hesitation only held for a moment, and then she snapped back at me,"Oh really ? If she were a guy and you were a miss that's what everyone would sustain called it. How is this different ?"

I shook my psyche at her…"I wanted it. I've wanted it since I was old enough to even think of wanting it…"

She shook her head back at me,"Bro… you have a talent for making things really complicated…"

I tightened my hands on the steering wheel,"William Tell me about it…"

"Look, I know you don't want to get word it, but even if you did want it, that doesn't exculpation what she did after… Roo is yours. She hid that from you…"I could hear the wrath in her voice…

I looked at her, suddenly opus of the puzzle started falling into berth."Wait a instant, how'd you find out about this ?"

She smiled at me,"Mom told me. cobbler's last night. She told me not to sing to you about it, to let you work through it on your own."

I chuckled, a self-depreciating, mirthless chuckle,"And you decided the firstly affair you'd do was bring it up ?"

She smiled at me,"I'm 14 bro. It's practically in the charter for me to not heed to my mom…"

I shook my nous at her, and licked my backtalk,"And if I don't want to talk about it ?"

She sighed,"I just want you to hold care of yourself. I know you, and I know you'd cut your heart out if you thought it would do her a bit of good. You'd do the same affair if any of us needed you…"

I sighed,"So what do you desire me to do ? You want me to just walk away from Roo, from Casey ? To just pretend I don't finger the way that I feel ?"

She scratched her head… intellection."I don't know. I just want you to think. I want you to do what's best for you…"she paused before she looked at me,"for once. I want you to care about you. I need you to like about you."

I shook my head,"Remember what you told me about me and her, about gravity ? So what would you do if you were me ?"

She sighed…"Yeah… I get it…"Her heart snapped to me,"Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm still going to tap her right the fuck out when I see her."

I shook my head at her,"Please. Be good. Please just leave it be. I'm begging you. Don't pour gas on the fire. Let me work this out."

She sighed again, nodding,"I guess I can do that. I just need to keep my distance from her…"

I eyed her from the boundary of my vision."Yeah… about that."

I could see her drudgery her teeth."She's going to be there today, isn't she ?"

I smiled,"Yep."

She was seething…"Why. This is a folk affair. She's not family."

I whirled on her, my angriness finally snapping,"She's not ? She's the mother of my fucking nestling ! Whether you like it or not, that's not going to change."I managed to put something of a damper on it, managed to crowd some of my anger down into a deep, dark hole."Besides. This isn't about that. It's about mom, and what's better for her."I looked at her,"You don't think your mom is scared out of her mind ? You don't think that maybe, just maybe, before she goes under the knife, she might need to see her grandchild ?"

Her eyes slid closed and I saw her scream at herself for her moment of thoughtlessness. I watched as she put the piece of music together. Finally, she nodded,"You're veracious. I should have seen it. Roo will avail her…"

We spent the rest of the car ride in secrecy. When we got to her room, my dad, Casey and Roo were already there. Roo was sitting in Deb's bed with her. Deb was positively glowing…

I looked at Adrianna, a smile on my nerve a sea mile wide."See ?"

She nodded, and gave me a bit of a smile… then she gave Casey the dirtiest look I had ever seen one woman hold another… and I've been around womanhood my altogether life…

Casey took it in stride. She smiled at me, and gave a nod of respectfulness to Re. I could see her consent the painfulness, take on another load, lose another friend…

I watched her as she just accepted the burden…

We all made modest talk of the town for a while, and then the physician came and got Deb. She put on a brave face and told us she would see all of us later…

We sat in the waiting room, together, as a family. Casey sat with me, her hand in mine the entire meter. Roo sat on my lap, quietly playing with the piffling pad I had bought her…

She was such a good little girl. She was a perfect angel through the entire time lag. She played quietly, pausing only occasionally to arrest and present me a footling hug now and again…

Casey smiled each and every time, giving my mitt a playful squeeze whenever my little daughter took a moment to stop and brighten my day.

wait for a be intimate one while the doctors are off cutting a piece out of them is a especial kind of hell…

There's nothing to be said, nothing to be done, just sit and time lag, sit and pray…

After a long while, my dad looked at me,"Kiddo, maybe you should take Roo and go to the cafeteria… it's been a pretty recollective wait, she's probably getting hungry…"

I looked at Roo, seeing the hope in her little face.

"Are you hungry release ?"I asked her

She nodded eagerly, and then pulled her enthusiasm back,"I'll be okay… my tummy's only growling a little…"

I kissed her piffling straits,"Let's go get you something little one…"

She smiled a unfermented smiling,"Can I have a juice box ?"

I stood, lifting her,"We'll see what we can get."

I looked at Re and Dad as Casey stood with me,"You guys want anything ?"

Dad shook his question,"No, I'm good."

Re grimaced at me, glancing at Casey,"Something sweet ?"

I smiled at her, nodding my head,"I'll see what I can forecast out."

Casey and I took Roo downstairs. I noticed she kept a lilliputian bit of difference between us as we walked.

I carried Roo the solid way, just enjoying the feel of her little consistency against mine. I realized then, how quiet of a lilliputian young woman she was. She did a lot of watching what was going on around her, soaking up every short affair she could, her eyes latched onto any footling thing as I could see the gears in her headway working to figure out what was happening. She paid particular tending to people…

I looked over at Casey, who was walking with her head down."She's a pretty quiet kid, isn't she ?"

Casey looked at me, then at Roo,"Yeah… she's just like her da-…"I could tell she was going to say ‘ like her dad'but she cut herself off and looked at the flooring again. She nodded quickly,"Something she gets from you I think…"She settled with.

I felt the now intimate lump jump up into my throat again…

Casey nibbled at her lip…"So, we should probably mouth about how we're going to tell apart her…"

I looked at her, a look I know that was way too moody."I don't think that's something we should let the cat out of the bag about just now…"

Casey's optic snapped back to the story. I could see pity, and disappointment smash back up and start nipping at her heels…

She nodded that same quick nod,"Yeah… I'm…"She took a breathing spell and swallowed, the graceful muscles in her neck betraying her nervousness,"I'm sorry."

She shook her fountainhead punishing,"Jake. I need you to speak to me. I need to bonk what you're thinking… this is killing me."

I took a deep breath, aware of the slight girl in my limb. Roo put her lilliputian thumb in her oral fissure and leaned into me as I carried her. A rummy affectation… one I had never seen her do before. It hit me then that she was probably picking up on the tension between her mommy and me. fry were observing slight wight, and I needed to earn that I needed to originate using my brain a nether region of a lot more than I had in the lastly match of days…

It hit me then. A few mean solar day ago, I had been standing in my bread and butter room, hundreds of miles away from here, ducking a ceramic bear thrown at me by an entirely different woman…

My only concern had been trying to work my way through that problem. Today, here I was, holding the three-year-old girl I hadn't even known I had and trying to work through with her mother how we were going to get all of this figured out and set straight…

How had my life gotten so off cartroad ?

How had thing gotten so fucking bad ?

I slapped myself mentally at the sentiment. matter weren't bad…

So, look at the char you love… The shit that lived in my mind whispered. search at your best friend. Go ahead, just give birth a feeling. Give her a hug.

I recoiled from the thought. Not the thought of giving Casey a hug, there was a parting of me that desperately wanted to do that, but the thought of how bad things had gotten. I realized they were awkward beyond opinion, and I hated that.

Okay, so affair were bad. Bad in a estimable variety of way.

I realized then that affair weren't good, they weren't bad. They just were.

I also realized how desperately I wanted them to get better.

Then my idea flashed back to something different… something I was ashamed of…

I found myself nibbling at my own lower lip, trying to shape up the courage to say something, something important, something that needed to be said.

I looked at Casey,"I'm sorry about survive night."

She looked at me, the light flashing in her rich brown center for a split second as she tried to run out what I was talking about…"What do you mean ?"She asked.

I shrugged, bouncing piddling Roo. Shaking my head, I told her,"It was wrong of me to designate up at your place sloshed out of my mind…"

I felt the guilt of it deeply…

She laughed, a bit of joy pushing its way through the deeply sorrowfulness that had taken up residency in her eyes too much of tardy."Under the circumstances, I think it's apprehensible, and excusable."

I felt a spate of anger. Some of it at her, but most of it directed inward."No. It's not. I'm a-…"I stopped myself before I could say I was a Fatherhood now…

It was true… the little little girl in my arms was mine, but I had done nothing to deserve the deed of father. I had responsibleness to my little girl, and to her mother, but I also needed to clear that I had no right to call myself a Father of the Church. My dad, imperfect as he was, had earned the right wing. I had not.

I just shook my head and tried to swallow past tense that lout again,"I need to be more responsible. I need to start acting like a screw adult…"

Roo piped up,"Owww… you said a bad watchword !"She scolded.

Casey and I both laughed. One of those curtly, sharp chuckles that just sneaks up on you and smashes you in the nose…

I looked at Casey,"See ?"

It was like I let the air out of her. I could see the room access of shame slam shut in her head, reminding her of everything she had done…

I let her collect her idea and turned back to Roo,"I'm sorry Cucurbita pepo. You're properly. I need to be more heedful. Thank you."

She leaned in, and petted me on the headway,"Don't worry Jakey… momma says that word all the time too, and she's a good momma."

I felt tears knife thrust at my eyes as I realized how true that was. The guilt of letting her, well, I guess that wasn't fair, I hadn't let her, I would possess stood by her had she told me…

It wasn't fucking fair ! There was so much I wanted to change…

I wanted to change the fact that Casey had needed to go through so often alone.

I wanted to have been there for so many things, to have seen so many things with piddling Roo as she grew up.

Yes, a part of me wanted to shroud behind the alibi that I would have had Casey just told me the all truth, but I also had to realize that I had made option too. I had allowed her to be alone. I had known she was on her own, and I had elected to outride off at school and let her flounder. In my mind, I knew it didn't topic if Roo was mine or not. I should bear come home to be with my friend. I should throw stepped up and made for certain she had what she needed in sprightliness. At the very least I should bear come habitation, packed her turd up and took her domicile with me. I should have thrown her over my fucking shoulder and carried her off boot and screaming if I had had to.

I should birth never let her tell me no. I should not have allowed that to be an excuse…

It was then that I realized a nasty the true about myself.

Something I had not wanted to admit. Not even to myself.

I had been mad at her.

The verity was, I had been furious at her.

When she told me she was pregnant I remember the howl brute rage that had charged through my mind at the sentiment that she had been with another man. I remember the pain and the hurt that came along with it. The sense of intrusion and betrayal I had felt. My wit kept throwing range of her, her skin sliding along some other man's…

The breakers in my mind threw, even now, at the persuasion of it.

I remember wanting so badly to demand who she had been with. I remember wanting so badly to jump in the car and driving habitation so I could smash some guy's font in for touching my girl.

And I remember the pain that came with the thought process of knowing that she was not mine…

That I was too practically of a coward to take in her mine…

Too much of a coward…



Chapter 16

It's done… I thought to myself as I stared at the trading floor of the hospital. My idea were interrupted by the physician coming in the door.

He pulled his masquerade down and looked at each of us as we all looked to him in horror and hope. His human face was grave, serious.

He put his men on his hips and took a deep breath and I felt my inwardness come out beating faster…

She's abruptly ! The spokesperson screamed in the back of my creative thinker, a cackle of mad laughter escaping his jester's face…

The doc gave a half smile,"She's in recovery now…"

You could experience the collective sigh spread through the room…

My dad stepped forward,"What was it ? How serious ?"

I saw that concern look come back over the physician's face and realized then that just by her coming out of surgery we were not out of the Natalie Wood yet…

He shook his headspring,"We're not for certain. It was the eldritch damn affair I've even seen. There was a prominent tidy sum in her pharynx, and at the buns, this Wyrd little tendril that kind of worked its way down to her thyroid… like it was some sorting of thyroid growth."

Re pushed her way to the front,"Is that convention ?"

I felt a mo of annoyance that I smashed down as I avoided snapping at her for asking such a poor fish dubiousness. If it were normal he wouldn't be saying it was the weird damn thing he'd ever seen…

The doc looked at her,"No. It's not. I've seen thyroid growing before, but nothing that's migrated like this. Occasionally you'll see a little tendril, but this was two, maybe three inch of growth before it bloomed out."

"What does it mean ?"My dad asked cautiously.

The doc turned to him,"Right now ? We don't know. We're sending it off to the pathology lab. Could just be a Weird growth, could be something more serious."

Dad's optic narrowed,"Something more serious as in cancer ?"

The doc looked at him with fellow feeling in his eyes…

I could tell what he was thinking, even if he didn't want to allow in it. My mom has cancer…

"Yeah, maybe."He hedged.

"What happens then ?"I finally spoke up.

The doc looked at me,"Well. It depends on what we find with the pathology account. If there is malignant neoplastic disease, we'll evaluate the risk and decide if we take the thyroid out, or just a part of it. Then, depending on the cancer risk of infection, radiation sickness therapy or chemo…"

My eye sank into my stomach…

Casey's script found mine as Re found her way under dad's arm.

The doc looked at each of in go,"folk. I don't want to make you assumed hope, but all of that is down the road… focus on today. She's out, and awake. We're going to bring her back in a few minutes and you can impose for a little while, but you all need to pass out in a little while, and let her get some repose. focal point on the fact that today, she's here, and doing well. okeh ?"

We each nodded…



Chapter 17

We were standing in the parking lot, my entire little family, minus my mom…

Casey had Roo in her arms… dad had his arm wrapped around Re's shoulders.

Dad looked at me,"Well. I'm about as wrung out as potential. Who's up for dinner party, my treat ?"

I put my arms on the bed of my motortruck and looked at them all, trying to sort through all the thoughts flying through my fountainhead. Finally, I made myself focus and said,"I can't. I need to head home for the night. There are some things I have to train care of. I've put them off too long as it is."

Casey looked at me like a reptile had just sprung out of my backtalk,"The trailer ? Can't it wait until after dinner party ?"

I closed my eyes, realizing how confused I had just made her. I shook my head,"No. I mean I need to go back to my apartment. I need to go back to school. I need to get some matter, my laptop computer, dress, some things I'm going to ask if I'm sticking around for a piece. I also need to let my landlady know that I'm going to be gone for quite a while and see if she can celebrate an eye on the piazza while I'm gone. She may not like that and I might demand to cave in my stead up…"

I could see the horror spring up on Casey's look. The business organization front crawl into my dad's and Re's eyes.

I looked at each of them and smiled,"Don't swither. I'm going to drive up tonight and get everything packed. I'll arrest there tonight and then force back back in the morning."

I looked at Casey,"Will you come with me ?"

Her eyes got all-encompassing and I could see terror billow into them."Uh… I… uh… I mean… why ?"

I raised my brow at her, and grimaced a trivial bit,"I think we need to have…"

I was going to say ‘ a gracious long chat ’, but decided that was a little too authoritarian…

"I just figured it would yield us a courteous opportunity to talk about some of the stuff we need to figure out ?"I settled. I looked at Re,"Adrianna, will you look out for Roo tonight ?"

The rage that split my little Sister's face as she gave Casey a feel of death was palpable…

Then she looked back at me and I could see the sympathy bang back into her eyes. I knew she was fierce, and while everyone else in my aliveness was trying really punishing to stay put out of the heart and avoid being judgmental about the situation my little lunatic was having none of that…

She finally nodded,"Yeah, I can."

I looked at Casey,"Is that okay with you ?"

She scooped Roo up and hugged her tight,"Yeah."I could see she wasn't too happy with it, but she seemed to be taking it in stride,"How ‘ bout you Roo ? You want to go and hang out with auntie Re ?"

She caught herself, mentally chastising herself like she had let the cat out of the bag…

I gave her a look of sympathy as I tried to arrive at her mentally remember, Adrianna had been Roo's Aunty Re since forever… now it was just official.

Roo spun in her mom's weapon system,"Can we watch Dashie ?"

I raised my eyebrows at Re, finally realizing who had shown Roo the Wyrd guy from YouTube that played picture games for a living…

Re rolled her eyes as she plucked Roo from her mom's arm. She looked at me,"Yeah, so I might feature shown her a Dashie episode or two…"She looked at Roo,"Thanks a lot you little snitch…"she muttered as she bounced her niece.

Roo was not happy with where the conversation ended,"So can we observe Dashie or not ?"

Re smiled at her,"Your mommy doesn't like you watching Dashie,"Re's optic wandered over to Casey and I could feel it coming…"So of row, we can check Dashie !"She squealed.

My dad's representative was sharp,"Adrianna !"

Casey put a hand on his arm,"It's okay Walt."

I looked into the bed of my truck, feeling a sudden smashing look of heartache for how messed up things had gotten…

One Sir Thomas More problem that's going to need repair… I thought to myself miserably.

Casey swallowed hard as her oculus got a minuscule wet."I had that… and a lot more coming…"

Suddenly Roo balled her piddling fist up in Re's shirt,"You be nice to my ma !"She shouted in Re's face.

Re took a second to register the anger on Roo's face…

"Okay ! Okay… I'm sorry."She turned to Casey,"tone, subject, I'm sorr-"

Casey cut her off,"Look. It's on me. This is awkward for everyone and it's my fault…"

I snapped my hands in a quickly drumroll of the rail of my tone arm, trying to manoeuver this off at the pass before it got any worse…"Guys. Let's roll. We aren't going to clear all of this in the parking lot of the hospital. It's going to exact metre, so let's all just try to return everyone a prison-breaking and get this sorted out, okay ?"

Casey and Re looked at me and nodded. My dad took Roo from Re and bounced her, a proud piddling smiling on his face as he gave me a sly smile…"Why don't we take little Roo to dinner ? Would that be okay instance ?"

She smiled a sad little smile and nodded,"Yeah. Let me get her seat…"

We got the seat transferred from Casey's car to my dad's SUV and Casey and I waved as Roo, Re and my Dad backed out of their space and headed out of the parking lot.

There was a import of awkward silence between the two of us as we stood there, watching the taillights of the car as it drove away…

Casey cleared her throat,"Do we feature time for me to run back to my place and drop my car off, maybe get a modification of clothes for tomorrow ?"

I nodded at her,"Yeah, whatever you need…"

A thought process suddenly occurred to me,"screw ! Can you take in this employment with your employment ?"

She smiled at me. It was a weak smile, but I decided to bet it anyway."Yeah. Today and tomorrow are my days off."

Relief flooded over me. I had already made affair bad enough for her… I didn't need to be going and messing up her job too…

We took a beat and both of us form of had that Wyrd moment where we tried to decide to just get in our respective cars… or hug… or… what ?

We finally decided on a gracious, firm nod to each other…

I followed her back to her blank space. It started raining on the way. Hard, fat drops of rain that smashed down on the car. One of those sudden summer violent storm that sneaks up and drenches everything as fast as you can blink…

I watched the wiper flip back and forth as fast as they could, trying to maintain up with the rainwater as I followed her.

We got to her place and she pulled up beneath the slight carport. I pulled in behind her and waited while she jumped out of her car, gave me a signal that she'd be just a indorsement and then ran inside. My motortruck was sitting in the rain, there was no room beneath the car port for both our cars, and I just sat alone, listening to the difficult hide of water as they hit the cab of the truck.

I didn't really think about much. I knew on some stage I should be preparing for what was most likely going to be one of the toilsome conversations of my entire lifetime, but something about the entire situation just seemed so overwhelming…

Like it was somehow effective to put it off. It was going to fall, there was no avoiding it, so there seemed to be very little point in working myself up about it and borrowing problems…

I watched as Casey came out of her little house, slamming the door behind her. She ran towards the truck in the rain and for just a moment I forgot about all of my problems. I watched her bounce through the rainwater as it slicked down her red pilus, plastering it to her face in the rip second she was out in it. She let out a little yelping as the nervelessness of the water hit her body, and something of the child that is in us all came out to run for just the briefest shining bit as she ran in the rain and jumped in the truck.

Her face lit up, and there she was… that girl I had loved for so long… that smiling, cheerful beauty that had held my heart in the palm of her hand for what seemed like forever…

I looked into her electric heart, her shining bright dentition, the drop of rainwater on her gross skin…

The whole world fell away as I looked at her and the urge to pull her across the motortruck was so strong I almost couldn't resist its temptress charm…

She sniffled as she wiped the rain from her face and I could see how uncomfortable my naked smell made her…

"Sorry,"I mumbled as she wiped the water from her look and moved closer to the door…

She buckled up as I backed out of her driveway and started down the long road ahead of us…

We sat for too long, nearly a full hr, in secrecy. The route pouring out in front of us, as the rainwater poured down around us…

It was her that finally found the braveness to speak…"I'm so sorry…"she moaned.

I shook my psyche sharply."Stop that."I said, too sharply.

She looked at me, tears starting to collect in her center again… misery painted plain on her face."I don't know what to do… what to say… I don't…"She floundered.

I held my hand out to her, reaching to her to try to comfort her. She looked at my hand like it was a snake, and I took a moment to pull it back, letting it fall on the seat between us.

I kept my centre on the road as I told her,"Look. We can't modification what's been done. We need to focus on what's coming. What we're going to do."I told her as I snuck a feel at her, my heart breaking at both her beauty and at the hurting she was feeling.

She shook her question at me,"What do you mean what we're going to do ?"

I shrugged,"I mean about Roo. About me and you…"

I took a minute and steeled myself… this was the grueling question I had ever asked…"Do you want me to be in Roo's animation ?"

I felt my heart break down even putting it to password. A part of me desperately wanted to know, another office of it, lurched away from the thought that maybe she didn't. I knew if she didn't it would shoot me apart, shred my mind like a art object of meat dropped into a liquidizer. I wanted to say that I'd fight tooth and nail to be a part of Roo's life… but I knew the truth. If Casey didn't want me around, it was going to be very difficult to pull myself to thrust my way in…

A theatrical role of me wondered if that was why she hadn't told me… that maybe she didn't want me to be Roo's father ? Maybe she thought I wasn't good enough ? Maybe she thought I was too unripe ?

She took my hand,"Of path I want you to be in Roo's sprightliness. How could you ask me something so stupid ?"

My eyes slipped down, and I forced them back onto the road…"I just thought…"dubiousness slammed into my bosom,"Maybe, I wasn't estimable enough for her ?"

I snuck a fast looking at at her and saw the heartache smash into her expression once again. Guilt crashed through me to see that I had, once again, caused her pain.

"Jake…"She said as fresh tear fell down her face…

She pulled her hand from mine and wiped her face with both hands angrily…

"God, I've fucked this up so badly !"She said suddenly. Her voice was so sharp it pulled me up suddenly…

"Jake. You are the best man I've even known and Roo couldn't hope for a better Fatherhood. A better dad. None of this is about you, all of this muss is about me. All of it is about the stupid conclusion that I made because I was too practically of a coward to admit what I'd done to you."

She shook her head,"Goddamn it ! How could I have done this to you ?"

A part of me wanted to bring her back to labor. To remind her that the idea here wasn't to thump up on her, but to figure out how we were going to get this offset working…

Then I realized, I wasn't inexperienced person of beating up on myself either…

"So, what does that look like ?"I asked her cautiously."I mean, me. Me and Roo ? I mean, I can be like her uncle, or she could just see me as some kind of friend…"

My vocalism caught in my throat as I realized how badly I didn't want that. I wanted her to know. I wanted her to know I was her dad, that I loved her, that I would die to protect her…

I snuck another look at Casey, and saw the look of virginal repulsion on her human face."You're her dad, and that's what you're going to be to her."

I saw her pinch herself…"I mean, if that's what you want to be."

She clenched her jaw,"Jake. I have no rights here… I did this, and now I have to live with the effect. If you want to just take the air away, then you can. If you want to be her dad, then that's what you'll be. If you just want to be her friend…"Her voice caught.

I grabbed her handwriting, trying to draw her back to me,"I want to be her dad Casey !"

split filled my eyes as I felt reliever pour into me…

My little fille ! I was going to get to raise my footling little girl !

Casey forced her hair back behind her ears and swallowed hard…"That's good."I could see her emotion threaten to overwhelm her again… could see the branding iron purpose she used to force it back down…

"How do we tell her ?"I asked her cautiously…

She let out a harsh snort, something approaching a coarse chuckle…"I have no fucking clue…"



Chapter 18

We spent the rest of the trip discussing the logistics of how we were going to take a leak the transition study. We decided that tomorrow, when we got home, we'd sit Roo down and explain to her that I was her dad. We talked at length about the fact that that was going to be a very unmanageable conversation. We discussed and rehearsed what questions would be asked. How she would oppose. What to do if she lost her little mind…

It was an absolutely shitty conversation…

By the clip we got to my place, we had most of the particular worked out, and both of us were exhausted by a very aroused and tiring day…

I led her upstairs to my apartment, being as considerate to my neighbour as humanly potential, considering that it was getting late…

I let us both in and let her stray around the apartment. She stopped by the ruined ceramic bear and gave me a questioning look…

I smiled at her, a weak smile, but a grinning nonetheless…

"My live girlfriend broke up with me… she broke him first…"

It hit me then that even in the worst storm, there was always a silver gray lining. I imagined for a instant how that would let worked, how that would have gone down… fuck. How bad would things have been had that relationship been going while I was trying to work through all of this ?

Another flash of pity smashed through me as I thought of Alyssa. I thought of the six months of her life that I had wasted in a relationship when I was obviously completely in erotic love with Casey…

I forced the thought out of my mind… there was naught that I could do about that now…

"What ?"She asked me.

I shook my headspring to clear my thoughts…"null. Sorry."

She nodded timidly and stoop down to start picking up the piece of music on the floor.

"leave of absence them, please."I commanded.

She looked up at me, obviously trying to fancy out what she had done wrong.

I smiled at her,"We still need to peach about one more thing. Can you waitress here for a indorse ?"

She stood and wrapped her blazon around herself again. She didn't answer, she just nodded her pass quickly, like it was painful.

I went to my bedroom and pulled out the bottom drawer of my dresser. I reached my arm in, feeling on the top of the drawer for what I was looking for. I found it taped up in the back, attached to the top of the dresser, in the place I had secreted it to save it safe, and from prying eyes…

I went back to the front room and looked at her.

As the doctors say… this might hurt a little bit…

"I'm sorry…"I began.

Her centre locked on mine.

I moved closer to her, getting so closelipped I could smell her. Her clean-living, soapy, womanly smell. Even after a day like today, she still smelled clean…

I could feel the clout of her eubstance and it was so much like Re and my mom had described it. The more I thought about it, the Sir Thomas More I realized how right they had been. We were alike two suns circling. Two magnets moving…

I lifted her chin and kissed her gently. Her lips parted for me and she returned the kiss, her lips moving softly against mine. It wasn't an eagre kiss…

It still took my hint away.

I let her go and looked into her eyes.

She shook her header at me,"Why are you distressing ? I don't understand."

I held the little box in my right hand up to her. I caught the flash of emotion there.

Surprise.

A present moment of glee.

Then nothing but misery.

She shook her fountainhead at me, whispering,"No… please don't."

I smiled at her, dipped to one human knee, and opened the box in my hand. It was the box that contained my mother's wedding ring. The one my Father-God had given to her. The one she had died wearing. My dad had kept it, putting it aside for me, putting it aside for the charwoman I decided to give it to…

I knew in my heart that woman was Casey.

Her centre filled over with tears as she continued to agitate her head…

She knew what was in that box. She knew what it meant to me. She knew why I had held on to it for all this time… I had shown it to her one day. I had told her that I would put it on the woman I would marry one day…

"Cassandra Posey. I have loved you since I was eleven long time old. I have loved you since the day you walked up to me in that shitty lilliputian park and held your endearing little hand out to me and asked if I would be your acquaintance. I'm sorry I've been too a great deal of a coward until this minute to tell you that. I have loved you since before I knew what the tactual sensation was.

"I'm sorry I didn't put this ringing on you the outset time I realized what it was that I felt for you. I should have grabbed you at fourteen and never let you go. I should have kissed you at 16 and made you mine. I should have never let you go. I should bear made Roo with you and stood by you every import from then until now.

"I can't change any of that, but I can spend the eternal rest of my have it away life sentence making it up to you. I can expend the relief of my life loving you, and never letting you get more than than a step away from me. Cassandra… Casey, I love you, and I want you to be mine forever. will you marry me ?"

weeping crashed down her face and still, even after pouring my heart out to her… she shook her head…

No."Jakey… I can't. I don't deserve you…"She whispered.

I felt a consequence of nuisance, sharp-worded and decisive. And then I decided. I had had enough. There were going to be no more than excuses. I was going to make no more excuses, and I was going to allow no more from her. I was going to drop the quietus of my life with her…

I took her left mitt and pressed the box into it…"You don't get it, do you ?"

I looked into her center and saw the doubt there, the nuisance, and I knew in this moment, I was going to launder all of that away…

I smiled at her, fierce and proud…

"You are already mine, and I am already yours. Until this moment, I thought this ring meant something. I thought it was crucial. I thought one day I would put this on person and it would mean something. Tonight, I kneel on this trading floor at your foundation and I realize it means nothing. What matters is how I feel about you. I love you, and I refuse to accept no as an answer.

"You see, right now, I realize you're already my wife. This ring doesn't make you that. You saying yes or no means nothing. You are my wife because of that little girl. That complete little girl that you've given me. That perfect opus of you and me, joined together, entwined in a way that can never be separated back into its component opus. Because of that small girl, you are mine, and I am yours, forever."

Her oculus snapped close and her binge shut off like soul had shut off a faucet. Her hired man tightened around the box and she held it to her centre."I can't Jakey… I can't pack this from you. Not right now. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I'm not what you think I am… I sully you just by making you love me…."

She shook her head the split started fresh.

"I've loved you since before I walked up to you. I sat there each day and watched the sad little boy that played by himself. I watched him and I felt my heart captured. And as I got to live you I fell deeper and deeper in love life with you. I watched you grow into the best man that I have ever, or will ever know. I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anything in my total life. I fell asleep every night wishing that you held me in your arms…

"And I let that sleep together drive me insane. I let that love progress to me into a person I can't even font in the mirror anymore. I took something from you that I had no in good order to accept from you, and in my fear, I let it aim even more from you. I can't give that binding to you…"

She held the tintinnabulation back out to me…"But I can give this spine to you. I can progress to you go and find someone that deserves it, that deserves you."

I willed every ounce of specialty I had into my eyes and poured that long suit back into her. I wrapped my handwriting around hers, making her hug the box with my closed chain. I stood, and still holding her script pressed her back to the wall.

"No."I commanded.

My lips found hers and I took control of her. She could say whatever dazed affair she wanted. She could try to force me away. I would use whatever tactic I had to in order to bring in her realize that she was mine.

Her lips only balk mine for a break instant.

I knew the trueness though. She loved me, and she could say whatever hollow words spilled into her stupid brain. Her sassing knew the truth…

She kissed me with every bit the military force that I kissed her.

I felt her breath quicken, felt her arm, the one I didn't have pinned in my own, issue forth up and circle around my cervix. My hand came up and pinned itself behind her neck, pulling her deeper into our kiss. She was mine, and tonight, I was going to make her understand that…

Her body responded to mine, and mine to hers. We fell over the edge together with our kiss…

Somehow, I managed to pull back from her. I pulled the ring out of her hand and held it up in front line of her centre."screwing this. And fuck you telling me no."

I lowered my mitt and heard the ring box hit the storey. My back talk found hers again as I pressed her back into the wall. Both of her arms circled around my neck and she kissed me with every fiber of her being. My hands found their way down her body. Her sides. Her ass. Down to her ramification. I lifted her off the trading floor, her legs separating and spreading around my body.

My rim found their way across her face, to her neck.

Her body moved eagerly against mine…"Please…"she moaned.

She pulled my head into her harder as she shook her promontory,"Please… stop… I can't… if you don't stop… I need you…"

I kissed her harder, pressing my consistency into hers, my mind only holding on by the very tips of the nails…

Our sassing tangled again, our tongues dancing in each early's mouth.

"Please…"She moaned,"I need you…"my lips worked their way along her cervix,"Please…"

I somehow found the lastingness to pull back from her,"Say it…"

She pulled my head back into her neck, an offering my sass eagerly accepted…

"Say what ?"She whispered.

"That you're mine…"I growled.

She grabbed my headland, forcing it back, so she could face into my eyes…

She shook her straits,"Who the piece of tail am I kidding ? I've always been yours…"



Chapter 19

We lay in my bed, tangled in my tabloid and each other's arms.

I could experience both our sum pounding as we both tried to overtake our breath.

She crawled up my consistence and kissed me, her glossa slipping into my lip. I lost myself in that kiss. It may have ended in a minute… it may stimulate been a year…

I didn't care.

Her nozzle rubbed against mine as she spread her stage over me, her bare form pressed hot and hard against my chest…

I wrapped my arms around her and felt the single most acute sense of joy I had ever felt…

The Sun had crashed together.

The attracter had connected.

"Is this substantial ?"She whispered.

I smiled,"I certainly hope so… if I'm dreaming… I'm going to be pissed in the morning."

She raised her head, her eyes finding mine. I thought she was going to say something, but instead she just kissed me hard again. When she finally managed to find the strength to pull up away from me she whispered fiercely,"outdoors your eyes…"

I opened my eyes and looked at her.

Her hands played over my face,"I won't wear your ring, but I will pass the rest of my ass life making this right. The relief of my hump life. I will love you, and I will come alive up every dawning and go to bed every night working my ass off until I deserve the love you give me. cope ?"

I smiled at her, pulling her in for another estimable, solid osculation."Deal."



Chapter 20

We lay in silence for a long time, our bodies pressed together, our heartbeats syncing.

A horrifying thought occurred to me…

"When you said I was the only when one… you meant… the only one before Roo right ?"I whispered.

I felt her fountainhead handshaking."Nope. The only one. Ever."

I felt like someone had poured a cup of cold pee into my person. The persuasion that she had that much discipline. That she loved me that much…

It was overwhelming.

It was also shaming that I had not shown her the same discipline…

"So that was only your second time ?"I asked incredulously…

She lifted her heading and nibbled at her lip,"Yeah… was I bad ?"

I laughed and pulled her nous back in and hugged her hard."Nope…"I shook my head…"In fact, nookie. I think you might be a natural…"

She giggled…"fountainhead, it's not like I'm a monk… I have a lapin in my nightstand.

I knew what she meant… but it was just too good of a nooky set up for me to let it slip preceding me…

"That thing must make an awful fucking mess… what do you feed it ?"

She giggled again and pulled herself up my body again, kissing me…"Well… it seems to like kitty…"

I rolled her over and pressed my body to hers… kissing her hard…

Finally, I pulled myself from her and looked into her eyes…

She wiggled herself beneath me, her legs spreading beneath me…"Can we go again ?"She whispered…

No way in nether region I was going to disappoint her…



Chapter 21

In the morning we got up, got cleaned up, and packed up what I was going to need in the following week back at family. I sent my theme to my professor, which closed up school for the year.

As one survive thing, I picked up the ring box from where we had left it the dark before. I turned around and she was standing there… the gloominess was gone from her font, but she still held her ground firmly, her eyes narrowing at me,"I'm not taking that."

I smiled at her and walked over to her. I took her go forth hand in my own, turning it over and plopping the box into it.

"Do whatever makes you feel right."I told her as I grabbed her ass and pulled her close to me,"You're still mine, ring or no."

I kissed her to seal the deal.

She stopped arguing.

I went into the kitchen and pulled all the crap out of the fridge that would spoil and ran it all down the administration. I made a point of sneaking back to the door and peeking at her. She was standing by the little table I ate at, her bag in battlefront of her. She had the anchor ring box open, and she was staring at it, a look of longing on her face…

She looked up and saw me watching her. I wanted so badly to tell her to put it on. I wanted to evince her off. I wanted everyone in the full world to sleep with she was mine…

But I knew…

I knew that there was a reason she didn't want to put it on. Before last Nox, that would give birth made me worry. It would throw made me marvel. I would sustain fretted over it, and chewed at it, trying to witness the enshroud significance, attempting and failing to infer what was happening in that beautiful mind of hers. Trying to suss out exactly why she didn't want to put on my ring. Worrying if it meant she loved me, or if she was settling on me.

Today, well, today I just didn't guardianship. I would take anything she would give me, and I would be well-chosen with whatever she was happy giving me. Today I decided that I would just be happy to have her in my life…

I walked over and envelop my weapon around her, pressing my grimace to the face of her cervix, kissing her lightly, running my olfactory organ up the side of her perfective tense neck. I pulled her tighter into me, the muscles in my chest and shoulders flexing as I tried to pull her into my trunk. She reached back and grabbed the belt loops on the side of my knickers, one eyelet in each bridge player, and pulled me tighter into her body.

"It's there for you, whenever you choose to put it on…"I whispered into her ear.

She nodded,"I know…"

I kissed right on underneath her earlobe…"I know you want it…"

She rubbed her butt into me voiceless, her head lolling back as she offered her neck to me,"I want it…"She whispered huskily,"I just thought we were in a hurry to get back on the road…"

I giggled and snuggled her neck again."There's no hurry. One day you'll want to put it on, I can wait…"

She didn't put the mob on, but she put it in her bag all the same. I called it a win.

Before we left, I stopped by my landlady's flat. I let her screw that I was going to be gone the remainder of the summer and asked her to keep back an eye on my place for me. She looked at Casey, a knowing smile on her wizened face, and told me she'd do just that. I felt a little bad not telling her that I might not be back…

Honestly, I didn't really have sex what my future held right there and then. It felt unusual not knowing. It seemed like it had been forever since I had lived day to day, not working towards something, not having a goal that drove my every determination. I thought of Casey, and my niggling girl and decided that was something I was willing to ease up up considering what I had gained…

We got back in the truck and Casey sat on the far side.

I shook my pass at her,"Nope."I told her, patting the keister following to me,"Over here beautiful. I'm done sitting away from you and pretending I don't want to put my arm around you."

She smiled and my spunk Panax quinquefolius, as she slid across the seat to me. Her brim found mine, and we both hit the route with a grin on our face…

Our trip home was quieten. We listened to the radio and talked, like we used to do so often, in a time that seemed like a million years ago, and just yesterday all at the same time. I realized how much I missed her. How much I had missed my friend. How prosperous that she was my lover now. How often I wanted her to be my wife.

I thought to the secret that she had kept from me for so long, and while it wasn't wanton to forgive, a part of me was grateful for the mistake that she had made. A piece of me realized that without Roo as a catalyst I may accept never found the courage to order her how I had felt. I may get just run off to college, and she may stimulate done the Same. We both would most likely have found someone and lived out the rest of our aliveness pretending to be happy…

She leaned over and put her head on my articulatio humeri as we pulled back into the parking lot at the hospital. We decided that we both wanted to drop by and see my mom on the way dwelling house. We needed to get home and rip the Band-Aid off of the site with Roo, and we both knew that wasn't going to be an well-situated conversation, but we both wanted to get it done as soon as possible.

We walked into my mom's room hand in hired man. She was laying down in the bed, her skin pale and exhaustion plainly patent on her face. I could distinguish just by looking at her she was in a lot of pain, and I reminded myself that I needed to hold open the visit short.

Mom looked at us walking in and her face lit up by a million arcdegree, like some lifespan and energy poured back into her.

Casey and I stood at the base of her bed and looked at her, finally I gave her a smirk and said,"You look like shit."

She giggled and put a hissing handwriting to her neck. I felt a lilliputian bad for causing her pain in the ass, but the laughter did her good, or so I told myself as justification.

Mom smiled at us and started to sit up, Casey dropped my manus and rushed around the bed, cooing and keeping mom laying down."Deb, save yourself monotonous. You need to get respite. We aren't going to be here long, we just wanted to stop in and jibe in on you."

Casey perched herself on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers over her Quaker's look. Mom smiled at her and then looked over at me. A grinning filled with pridefulness filled her face, and crying started up in her oculus,"I'm so sorry for you two."

She tried to shake her head and I could tell the basic in her neck opening and the pain caused her to turn back and whoosh again in pain.

"I gave you such bad advice…"She moaned as her tears finally fell free."I'm so sorry."

She was talking to Casey but I knew some of what she was saying was for my benefit.

"I should ingest known Jakey would have forgiven you…"She closed her optic,"I'm so distressing to you both."

I sat down on the other face of the bed and held my mom's handwriting as I shook my drumhead at her. I looked over at Casey and felt the now familiar sting of lovemaking as her center caught mine."It doesn't matter."

Mom squeezed my hand a short harder,"I assume since you are all holding mitt now that you're going to make a run at being a couple now ?"

I smiled at her,"Nope…"

I could see the pain and regret barb into her as she looked over at Casey, the questioning looking at on her face was evident it nearly hurt.

I squeezed her handwriting again to get her aid,"I asked her to marry me last night…"

Her capitulum snapped over to Casey so fast I could see the pain it caused her.

Casey looked at the trading floor and nibbled at her bottom lip.

"Casey's not ready yet…"I murmured, saving Casey the embarrassment of having to answer up.

Casey's eyes met mine and I could see the question written plain there.

Why had I told my mom ?

With my rightfield hand, I raised my hand and brushed the hair's-breadth back behind her ear,"Because one day I'm going to get married you. You're the only one that has any doubtfulness. I'll take any ally I can get to get you to accept how inevitable that is."

She shook her straits as snag filled her eyes.

Mom giggled and both Casey and I looked at her. She had an tremendous grin on her look."Finally, one of you pulled your point out of your ass…"

We both smiled at her.

She pulled both of us in for a big hug, and when we managed to disencumber ourselves we realized just how washed-out she looked…

"We're going to go home and let you get some rest… okay ?"I asked.

Mom nodded and I could see how much she just wanted to fall back to sleep…



Chapter 22

Our conversation with Roo was so awkward it was nearly comical…

We decided that it would be done best at the kitchen table…

So there the three of us sat. One of us in each chair, and an hollow spot on one incline of the table. It was something out of a family sitcom…

I felt like I was sitting on a fucking job interview. Like Roo was going to look at me and tell me that she appreciated my application, but that the family unit was going in a different charge with the position.

Casey looked at her little girlfriend, at our piffling girl.

"So Roo… this is going to be hard to read, but I want you to try, okay ? Try very hard, okay ?"

Roo looked at her, her little care parasite turning on. She engaged with former people pretty well, but I could see, when she locked in on her mom the world began and ended right there. With Casey, it was like she was hearing the representative of God.

"Okay mommy."

Casey smiled as her eyes started to wet.

Roo reached her tiny deal over and patted her mom's,"It's all right mom. You don't need to care. I'm going to be a big miss. I'm gon na un'erstand good."

Both Casey and I had to bottle up a laugh, and Roo just sat looking at us both, trying to image out what was so funny.

Casey looked into Roo's eyes."Honey, do you call up when you were asking about your dada ?"

Roo got very serious, her little head nodding. I could see nuisance in her trivial eyes and I don't think it would take in hurt more had someone jammed a run chainsaw into my chest…

Casey looked at me, and the misery on her expression was so obvious it hurt. I wanted to jump in and just recite Roo. To get it over with. I wanted desperately to part with Roo and Casey any More hurt. To just give birth the opportunity to derail ahead of all of this shit and start getting on with our lives…

I knew I couldn't do that, however. I knew that this was something Casey needed to do. It was something that she needed to twine her mind around simply to help her get over it herself. To start to forgive herself. She needed to flagellate herself, to penalize herself, and no matter how much I wanted her to hop-skip that part of what she needed to do, I knew it was an intrinsic function of how she was going to want to heal and get past this.

"honey,"Casey started again,"I didn't William Tell you this then, and I should have… in fact, it was selfish of me not to… but Jakey here is your daddy."

It was a moment I will never forget. Her footling sass formed a perfect O and her head snapped around. Her eyes were filled with such a signified of excitement that my heart broke just looking at her. She clapped her fiddling hands together and let out a babbled mess about how she knew, she just knew I had to be her daddy…

I couldn't help it any longer. I pulled her out of her professorship and pressed her tight to my chest. She gave me her big, almost cumbersome niggling kid hug. Like she was trying to squeeze the life history out of me but she just knew that she didn't have the strength.

tear fell from my eyes as I held my daughter.

"You're going to be a effective daddy, Jakey…"Roo whispered to me as I hugged her.

I nodded, pulling her in tighter to me,"I'm certainly going to try, release. I'm certainly going to try."



Chapter 23

We spent the balance of the day as a sept. We made dinner party, rested and relaxed. We ended the evening by watching a film together, the three of us curled up on the sofa. Little Roo laid on me and fell asleep. I enjoyed just holding her, looking at her innocent little face as she slept.

An idea occurred to me then. I thought back to the Night that Casey had told me about Roo. How I had caught her taking a picture of us as a family. It hadn't occurred to me then, but I realized now, that was her thinking it may be her only chance, it may have been the shoemaker's last time she would get an opportunity to get a movie of the three of us together. In her mind, that night was going to be the night I started to hate her. The Night that would destroy our friendship, all so she could own up to what she had done. All so she could apply me my daughter.

As much as I wanted to detest her for what she had done. As raging and sad as it made me to own her hidden the verity from me for so long, I had to realize the absolute atomic number 26 will that decision had taken to make.

She hadn't needed to distinguish me the truth. The world was, I would have never known. Had she chosen the easy way out. Had she chosen to simply put Roo to bed that nighttime and then fall out and crawl into my lap, I would have never known the truth. I would have never suspected it.

It wouldn't have needed to.

I would be with her, and I would treat Roo as if she were my own.

It made me agnise how exceptional she truly was. She had set aside her own chance at felicity forever just to ensure that I had one Thomas More little composition of information that would have meant zippo in the grand scheme of things. She had gambled with her own pauperism just to assure that the truth was out there…

"Hey."I whispered.

She looked over at me and smiled.

I held my deal out to her and gave her a come-hither motion.

"grab your phone and seed here. I want to give you a better picture of the three of us together."

She grabbed her phone with a smile and crawled over on me, snuggling against my right side, while Roo laid on my left. She held her phone out, and just before the picture clicked I darted over and kissed her on the head.

She smiled and looked at the photo. She held the earpiece to her breast and the smell of pure joy on her look stopped my heart. She crawled up my breast and put a hired hand on either side of my expression. Her head shook as her eyes bounced back and Forth River, focusing on one of my center and then the former. She shook her headland at me,"I am so get it on sorry…"She whispered.

I smiled at her as she leaned down and kissed me, her lips sending an electric flow of pleasance through my physical structure. My hand found its way up under her shirt, my fingerbreadth running up her side, climbing high, and higher…

She grabbed my hand and pulled out of our kiss.

She gave me a smirk,"Down boy."

She tilted her head towards Roo,"Little eyes and ears are in the room."

I smiled at her, putting my hand behind her head and pulling her in for another kiss,"She's got to determine about the shuttle and bees sooner or later…"

Casey giggled as she shook her head teacher. She climbed off of me, batting at my hands as I tried to draw out her back in,"Bad dog !"She scolded as she scooped Roo up, holding her close. I could see her intellect clipping for just a second gear,"Do you mind if I put her to bed ?"

I smiled at her."Of course not."I told her as I stretched and yawned.

She smiled at me, and carried Roo off to bed.

I sat up on the couch and watched TV for a few Thomas More minutes, as I waited for her to come back so I could say goodnight before I went back to my own space for the night.

A part of me realized that was a minuscule on the weird side, to ask her to wed me, to want desperately for her to say yes, and then exist somewhere else, but I also realized that things were already weird enough. There was enough press on us as is without me making a Union event out of one of us moving in with the other.

She was going through a lot right now, and it was very possible that she needed, hell, that she wanted her own space.

She came back in and leaned against the wall, looking at me as I watched her. I let my middle wander up and down her soundbox, letting my mind, and my resourcefulness have their way with her. She smiled self-consciously and I saw her eyes bounce down to the floor.

There was a parting of me, sin, a very large part of me, that wanted to get position tonight. The smarter part of me realized that she had sent me some very clear messages tonight that I was not going to be getting laid…

I smiled at her, slapping my ramification,"I should probably get going. I know you have work in the morning."

scare flashed through her eyes and she walked quickly to me, pushing me back down into the lounge. Without a word, she spread her legs over me and kissed me operose. My hands found their way back inside her shirt and this time, she made no endeavour to break off me.

When she came up for air finally, she ran her hands over the position of my face.

"Stay ? Please ?"She begged.

I shook my head at her,"The night ? Sure."I started to pull her closer and she stopped me.

"No. I don't mean tonight. I mean motility in. stop with me and Roo ? Sleep with me ?"She settled into my lap and paused for a few seconds. Finally, she licked her lips,"I know it's not what you asked for… but… I was thinking… if we lived together, that would be a good compromise ?"Her human face was down, she was looking at my chest.

I put a hired hand beneath her chin, nodding,"Hey, it's okay if we go wearisome. I know this is hard for you. I don't nous if we take some time…"

I stopped, smiling at her."Like I told you last night. I want you to be in my life from now on."I ran a fingerbreadth over her cheek,"This is your place though, and it isn't my place to just move in uninvited."

She leaned in, breathing huskily on my cheek,"I'm done taking my sentence. I'm asking… I'm inviting."

I wrapped my finger's breadth in her shirt and pulled her in for another kiss."And I'm accepting."

She gave me a beaming smile as she pulled back from me,"I'm going to take a warm shower."

I smiled at her, thinking of how much I liked her aphrodisiacal aspect refreshing from the rain shower. Her hair plastered to her head, the flush of her cheeks, the way the heat from the water brought out the color of her skin…

She got out of my lap, and gently laid me down on the couch. She handed me the outback and gave me another rich kiss."You stay right there and get comfy, and when I get out we'll watch a film together, okay ?"

I smiled at her and nodded.

I laid there and thought about her aphrodisiac consistence while I finished the motion picture that the three of us had been watching together. A portion of me wanted to get up and put on something less kid friendly, but the verity was, it had been a yearn exhausting day, and I was too lazy to get up.

She came back in, wearing a long t-shirt, and showing off a lot of sexy leg. I smiled at her as she bounced her eyebrows at me, giving me a knowing wink.

The movie introduction played as she went into the kitchen and came back with a beer for each of us. I started to get up to seduce room for us both and she stopped me, pointing to my face,"Can I just curl up there ? Curl up with you and just lay against you ?"

I smiled at her, patting my incline,"I saved this spot just for you…"

She set the beers on the table and crawled across my consistency, wrapping herself around me as I lay contentedly on the lounge. As soon as her body was against mine, I started having naughty thoughts…

I pressed my cheek to her wet hairsbreadth, feeling the soft moisture there. I kissed her head and pulled her in tight as I squirmed around… trying to avoid embarrassing myself with how my body was responding to all that pleasant warmth she was providing…

She looked up at me and the beauty of her face nearly pushed me over the edge. The exclusively matter that stopped me from pushing her back against the couch was the upset look on her face…

"Am I making it hard to get comfy ?"She fretted.

I looked into her heart and didder my pass at her, my breather taken away."No. Sorry. I'm just uh…"I laughed at little, embarrassed to be admitting it to her…"Just… uh… getting a little excited with you this close… it's a little hard to focus."

She smiled, her eyes filling with balefulness. Crawling up my body, she kissed my jaw lightly,"Getting… harder ?"

I threw my head back, laughing.

Her lips worked their way across my neck, her hips grinding into mine…

"All you have to do is ask…"She whispered.

That was too a lot to take…

With a growl I rolled over, wrapping my weapon around her and kissing her hard. She moaned into my mouth and her munition wrapped around me, wrapping me in my own private cocoon of love and warmth.

I came up for air and she ran her script down the slope of my face…

"You know I want it right ?"She asked.

I smiled, pushing my consistency into hers,"And you're about to get it…"

She threw her head back, laughing."No, silly."Her center met mine,"The gang. Your ring. I want it. I want to get hitched with you, I really do."

That got my tending. I wanted to get laid, sure, but I wanted her a hell of a lot more.

draught my fingers over her brow I asked her,"Then why don't you just deal it ?"

She shook her head, giving me a sad grinning,"Because as much as I want it, I don't think I deserve it. There's a percentage of me that thinks you're just staying because you have Roo. A part of me that thinks that you don't want me, you just recollect it's the proper matter for you to do. Almost like you knocked me up and now you have to do the right wing thing…"

I started to afford my oral cavity to resist and she cut me off,"I don't really think that's true. But I still have the persuasion. And I know you… I know that if you marry me, you'll stay forever, even if you're not happy. I don't want that. I mean… I want you. I want you to be mine forever. I want you to delay with me forever, but I don't want that if it's not going to make you happy. I know you'll stay because it's the right matter for Roo, but I want you to possess more than that."

She ran her nose along my jaw, sending shivers of sensation through my full body…

She took a deep breath, her body shivering against me. I could secernate I was driving her emotions and her hormones crazy… and it made me find amazing…

"I feel like a bad mom right now…"She whispered.

That hit me like a brick to the facial expression, bringing me up short.

"Hey !"I exclaimed, surprised."Why would you find that way ?"

She pressed her trunk against me,"Because I want you so a good deal. I know that I should be happy for my little girl, that I should be thrilled that she'll have her dad in her life, but ripe now…"she shook her head,"right now, all I can think about it is how ass happy I am to possess you to myself… how a good deal I want you for myself."

I smiled and kissed her… the verity was, I was going through some of that same feeling myself…

When we finally took another break, she smiled at me, her fingers tangled in my shirt,"I think that smell will go away with time… the worry that you don't want me… but it might accept some time. Can you be patient with me ?"

I smiled at her, running my hand down her position, over her hip, as I dipped my finger inside her pantie,"Well, that depends… do I still get to get in your panties ?"

She smiled back at me, as she crawled over me, her hips sliding over mine and sending the most pleasant shiver of joy through me possible.

She smirked at me,"Just try to halt me…"

I kissed her hard,"Well then I say why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free ?"

She giggled, as she pulled me in close, kissing my cervix and whispering into my ear,"Moo, moo baby !"



Chapter 24

Roo and I were sitting at the breakfast mesa, watching Casey Rush to get fix for work. She looked at me, and for the quartern sentence that morning asked,"You're sure you got her today ?"

I looked at Roo who was working on what I now realized, once again, was a too big pipe bowl of cereal…

Winking at her I told Casey,"Sure, no problem. I was considering taking her Down to the trolling market place and seeing what kind of deal I could get on her…"

Casey looked at me deadpan,"Ha, ha, asshole…"

Roo shouted,"Trolls ! I wan na see a round !"

I smiled at her and rubbed her pass,"We'll see Button, ma is notoriously anti-troll."

Roo looked at Casey,"Momma ! I want to see a round !"

Casey rolled her centre, and then came over and gave Roo a kiss on the chief, and me one on the lip. I wrapped a finger in the belt loops at the front end of her jeans and pulled her in,"occlusion fretting. I'll try not to let her stick a forking in a light socket, or burn the house down, or do any light street racing…"

She laughed and shook her principal,"Call me if you need anything."

I nodded,"We'll be finely. We've hung out before."

Once Casey was out the door I looked at Roo, who was starting to seriously shinny with polishing off the sports stadium of cereal I had given her…

Smiling at her, I asked,"Pumpkin ? Are you done with that ?"

She put her spoon down, sighing in backup man."Yes, please."

I went behind her and grabbed her bowl in one hand, and gave her a quick kiss on the head teacher."clit, you don't have to eat everything that I put in front of you. If you're full, just tell me, okay ?"

She smiled and nodded as I ran the remainder of the food grain down the disposal. Once I was done, I put the dishes in the sump and turned around to front her,"So. It's just you and me today. What do you desire to do ?"

"I thought we were going to the trolling food market ?"She informed me, her face dangerous,"I really want to see a troll… mommy learn me a record about one one time… they sound kind of scarey but I still want to see one !"

I laughed and shook my brain,"Button, I was being a wise alek. There's no such thing as trolls…"

A look of intense concentration came over her face, and I could see her adding up the facts. She nodded,"So we can't go to the troll market ?"

Laughing I walked over and scooped her up, carrying her out of the kitchen.

A thinking occurred to me then…

"Roo, maybe we could go claver a friend ? Would you like that ?"

She thought about it for a second,"You mean like Re ? Are we going to inspect Re ?"

I shook my head,"No, pumpkin, Re isn't a champion. Re's household. She's your auntie. She's dad's Sister. This would be a booster of mine…"A thought occurred to me then,"A ally of pappa's."

Her short eyes narrowed,"Are they nice ?"Nodding sagely, she added,"I don't like miserly people."

I nodded,"Yes, Ben is really nice. You'll like him."

She puckered up her fiddling sass, thinking about it."I think we could go see Ben or at least we could give it try."

I laughed, giving her a hug."Glad you approve !"

I got her, and myself ready. Putting her seat in my motortruck was a little more complicated than I expected, but Roo actually helped me out. She crawled up on the fanny and helped me compute out where the straps went, how to get it hooked up. I mean, I wasn't stupe, I didn't let a three-year-old install her own car seat, I checked that everything was set up the right way, but she still cut some prison term off of me fumbling around on my own.

I got her set up, and strapped in.

We drove out to Ben's place, where I knew there would be a pleasant surprise waiting for Roo. As we pulled into the drive, I saw Ben coming out of his barn, carrying a bale of hay. An tremendous smile feast across his face as he saw me. He dropped the Basle of hay on the back of his truck and threw up a great big wave.

When Roo saw them… she squealed,"Ponies !"

I smiled, realizing that she had probably never seen a llama before. It would be well-off in her mind to mix the two of them up. So I told her,"No sweetie, those are llamas."

"What's a llama ?"she asked.

I thought about how to excuse that, and decided to take up the crosscut. I pointed,"That's a llama."

"So, trot are llamas ?"

Giggling, I shook my capitulum,"No. They're different. Ponies are a different animal. They're a lot bigger than llamas. You'll see once we get close."

Her eyes got big,"They're not think, are they ? One of my protagonist has a big dog, and he scares me. He looks really mean, but my friend says he's nice."

I shook my head,"No, autumn pumpkin. They're not mean, and my Friend Ben will help count out for you."

I got out of the hand truck and walked over and shake Ben's bridge player. He was rampart to fence in smiles."Jakey ! Been fucking forever man ! It's so good to see you ! When did you get back to townsfolk ?"

Smiling at him, I started back to the truck where Roo was waiting.

"brace days back…"

Then I realized how much of a error this might have got been…

When the melodic theme had occurred to me, all I had considered was how much Roo was going to fuck seeing the llamas up close. The deeper I got, the more I realized that I was going to stimulate a lot of explaining to do…

Ben was a unspoiled friend, and had been since we were in high school. He'd known Casey for long time, and while they weren't keen protagonist from way back, they were friendly. He'd been around Roo, and he knew what had gone down with Casey.

I opened the threshold and Roo cut out any chance I had of spilling the beans slowly,"pa ! dad ! Can I go see the llama's ?"

Ben got a look on his face like he'd just been kicked in the nuts…"Daddy ?"

I gave him a fallible smile as I fumbled with the strap on Roo's rump.

"Long narration ?"I tried to explain, focusing on getting her free.

He scratched at his beard, a face on his cheek,"One I'm sure I'm going to need to hear…"

I smiled at him as I got Roo release, plucking her out of her seat and lifting her down to the ground.

She was squirming in prevision,"Daddy, can I go look at the llamas ?"

I looked at Ben, raising my eyebrow to ask permit, it was his plaza after all.

Ben leaned down and mussed her hair, he looked at me,"Fine with me."

I crouched down and met her eye to eye,"Go ahead and go over to the fence. Don't orbit into the fence though, O.K. ? Not until Ben is around to keep a closer eye on you ?"

She put her little hands together and looked at me, the question knit stitch on her face.

I smiled at her,"They aren't mean, but sometimes big beast like that see pocket-sized fingers and get confused. I don't want them to nip you thinking you have solid food for them, okay ?"

She lowered her read/write head shyly, which surprised me. She had never seemed shy before. She looked at Ben,"Are they mean ? They won't bite me, will they ?"

Ben smiled at her, his smile a bright separatrix in his dark expression."Not as long as you do what Jakey here says. Little while later I'll give you some carrots and you can feed in them."

She brightened up a bit,"Will they bite me if I feed them ?"

He shook his head,"Nope. They know a carrot when they see it."

I poked her small breadbasket,"It's okay, go on now, remember, keep your hands away from the fence, okay ?"

She nodded, and then went charging over to look at the animals.

I put my hand on my hips and watched her, seeing her exuberance brightened my day. I gave Ben a sideways look,"Thanks for that."

He put his custody in his air hole and watched her. Ben had gotten married to his senior high school day sweetheart, Annie, last year, and I knew from our semi-frequent phone calls that they were expecting their beginning in a couple of months, a little girl. I could see him watching Roo, his psyche projecting forward to how his own life was going to look in a duo of years.

He looked at me,"So is that some variety of pet name ? You and Casey a thing now ?"

I grit my jaw and shook my head,"No and yes."

He looked at me sideways,"The order of those response means a lot…"

I smiled, nodding as I put my manpower in my scoop and stared at the flat coat,"It's complicated."

He raised his eyebrows,"strait like it."

It hit me then how complicated everything was. How complicated it was going to continue to get. How hard all of this was going to be. On one mitt, I didn't want to blab about it. I didn't want Casey to wait bad to all of the citizenry I had known and grown up with, and at the Saami time, I wanted to be able to talk to my friends…

I pulled my hands out of my scoop,"Remember John Key's party the summer after our older year ?"

He nodded,"Yeah…"

I clicked my tongue,"I don't… at least not the end of it…"

He went utter silent and his eyebrow tried to grovel up his head…"You mean you and Casey… ?"

I nodded slowly,"Yep."

He puffed out his buttock and blew out through his mouth…"Fuck."

I smiled ruefully at him."Yep… fuck about join it up."

He grimaced,"And she didn't tell you ?"

I shook my head sadly,"She was really embarrassed about it. Thought it was going to fuck up our friendship…"

He put his hired man on my shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, his regard landing on the dirt at our feet, while he shook his psyche. I could see him trying to litigate. Could see him putting himself in my shoes, trying to sympathise and figure out how he would react in that situation.

He finally settled on,"I'd be so micturate man…"

I shrugged."I am. I don't want to admit to myself that I am, but I am. job is, getting pissed at her isn't going to help how fucked up this situation is."I looked at him,"And I fucking love her too… I asked her to marry me…"

He pulled his helping hand off my shoulder his supercilium crawling up his forehead in surprise,"What did she say ?"

I shook my head,"No."

He rubbed his face with both hands, his work force rasping across the stubble on jaw. He was lull for a farseeing clip before he finally said,"Why ?"

I felt a deep lugubriousness well up in me then. I wanted so badly to severalise myself that it didn't matter. That if she didn't want to get married me, it was ok, but I knew the truth. I knew that it mattered to me. I knew on some level that it was a sentiency of settlement to the site that I needed. Like somehow, in my mind, everything that had happened, all of the choices that Casey had made, wouldn't matter as long as she was my married woman. Like I could just play it off. That I would recognize that we were family now, and none of what happened before would matter.

The more I thought about it the stupider it seemed. More and more pointless. Did a fucking ring, and some words really change anything ? Did it prepare it any better ? I knew the result to that was no. I wanted her to marry me, to say yes right now for a much niggling reason… I wanted her, and I was using this situation with Roo to pressure her into saying yes. I was doing to her, exactly what she feared doing to me. I was trying to lock her down with guilt because I knew once she married me she would never take the air away.

She was so a great deal better of a soul than I was, she loved me enough to let me keep an out if I wanted to walk away, I was too selfish to hand her the same opportunity.

I loved her, yes, but our love was still very new, or at to the lowest degree it was very new to being out in the unresolved, out in the lighting. We could lie to ourselves and say that didn't matter. That we loved each other, and had for a very long clip, but the truth was, all of this was new to us both…

We had been a part of each other's lives for so long neither of us could recall what it was like to not have the other there, but this was so much different. Before, we were in each other's hip pocket all of the time, but there was always the selection to walk away. For me, or her, to go base. To pass some meter intellection, but what I was pushing her for ?

To be married we'd need to subsist together. To raise Roo together, we'd have to figure out how to do it. We'd have to be working to constantly be figuring out what we were both comfortable with. What we could both tolerate. We could lie to ourselves and try to say that none of that mattered, that the solitary thing that mattered was that we loved each other, but the truth was, this was completely new priming to us both…

There was a part of me that wondered if I could handle the committedness. Scheol, if I was honest with myself, I had never even lived with a char before, I had always been too scared, too concerned in having ‘ my quad ’, and now I wanted to get married ? To just rush out and close that iteration ?

That made me realize though…

It made me see the truth.

I hadn't wanted to live with another adult female because I had been holding out for having Casey. Even when she was on the other face of the State Department, I had it in my stunned head that I loved her and that I wanted her…

I also realized something else as I talked to Ben. There was a lot of luggage that needed to be processed. I was angry, and as often as I wanted to block that, as a great deal as I wanted to tell myself that I was too good a person to let that pretend me, I couldn't. I loved her a lot Thomas More than I was angry at her, but I still felt the sting of all the metre I had lost with Roo. All of those number 1 instant taken away from me…

It was leisurely right now to say that none of that mattered. That the just thing that I cared about was Casey and Roo. That I only cared about squeezing every last-place minute out of the time that was available to me. That tactual sensation was true now, but would it be in a calendar month ? A yr ? Would it eat away at me for every bit of the quietus of our lives ?

And there was her guilt. There was the fact that every time she saw her little girl and her papa together she had to be feeling a tongue being pushed into her bosom. She had to be remembering how many opportunities she had taken away. How many import that should ingest been shared that had been stolen. Would all of that just stack up in her brain, every minute driving her closer and closer to the boundary of sanity ? If I loved her, that wouldn't be a emplacement I would want to trap her in. To use her guiltiness to motor her closer to me. Just hope that it went away ?

Did I really want her to be miserable for the rest of her life ? For what ? To make it up to me ?

I looked at Ben and smiled,"Because she's smarter than my dull ass…"

He scrunched his face up at me,"What do you intend ?"

I shrugged,"Think about it. I love her, and she loves me, but you're married. You realize, it takes a lot more than loving mortal to stimulate a matrimony work. It takes putting someone else ahead of you every day. It takes being able to sieve through your problems and make them work out together."

I nodded to Roo,"Think about all of this. Up until now, I've been just trying to labour it all down deep, like it shouldn't thing, but it does. All of it subject. Yeah, there's cypher she or I could do to realise it different, but it still matters…"

My mood started to come up as I thought about it, as I really chewed it all the way down to the bone…

I met his eyes,"Just not as much as I love that picayune missy right there, and not nearly as practically as I love Casey…"

He clapped me on the articulatio humeri again, smiling."Come on, let's prove your little girl how a llama rides !"



Chapter 25

I watched Roo that afternoon manoeuvre on Ben's farm. Watched her sit the llamas. Watched her course them. Watched her ride Ben's big, noisy tractor while he dragged some fencing out and mended a couple of spots in his fencing where the Bos taurus had started to urinate holes. I watched her as she took a little nap, pillowed on a few Bale of hay as Ben and I worked.

She woke with trivial strands of it in her hair's-breadth, and a grin on her font that burned like a thousand suns on her shady little face.

She ran around and played. She asked questions and tried to figure out what Ben and I were doing all day long…

As the day wound down she said good day to the llamas, and to Ben, and she and I headed base for dinner.

We got no more than five seconds into the family and she was instantly attached to her ma's hip, telling her all about her day, and how beautiful the llamas were, and how she wanted one of her very own, so she could keep it in the railway yard. I sat at the kitchen table and watched my two ladies…

I could see how trite Casey was from work. She was cooking, spaghetti from the face and smelling of things…

Casey nodded and talked with our little young lady, but I could see she was starting to wear thin…

Standing, I came up and pulled Roo against me, putting one of my big mitt on each side of her head,"Roo, Button ?"

She looked up and me and smiled.

I bounced my eyebrows,"mama looks very run down. You think you could go and play with your pad of paper for a while, devote her a chance to recoup from work ? Just until dinner is ready ?"

She got a serious spirit on her face and nodded her little brain,"Yes, Jakey."

Casey looked over at her sharply,"dada, Roo ! Not Jakey, Daddy !"

Roo looked like she had been slapped."Sorry mommy."

I pulled Roo's head up to see at me,"Don't headache about it Button, mommy's just tired. Can you go diddle with your tablet ?"

She nodded eagerly and bounced out of the room.

I came up and wrapped my arms around Casey from behind. She was tense, her stallion body locked up. I could order how mad she was. Could sense how a great deal it had pissed her off for me to step between her and Roo…

"Why don't you let me take over here ?"I murmured into her ear."You go take a Nice exhibitor, put on something soft and comfy and try to decompress a bit ?"

She shook her head, and even from in dorsum of her, I could see her grit her teeth. And then, like someone had taken a needle to the balloon of her ira she pushed it down."I'm okay. I can make dinner for us…"

I took my left hand from her waist and pushed the whisker away from the redress side of her neck. My lips found the raw spot just beneath her ear lobe."I know you can… I just want to help…"I whispered into her ear, kissing her again.

I lifted my hands to her shoulders, rubbing them roughly as I tried to cultivate the stress from her muscleman. They started out hard as rock and roll beneath my fingers, but just a few minute of arc of massage and they started to slowly relax. Finally, realizing I wasn't likely to get her to unwind much more with my hands, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, going back to kissing her neck, and nuzzling her jaw with my nose.

Her eubstance melted beneath my kisses. The latent hostility drifting out of her as my fingers and lips pulled the tension away…

She shook her read/write head,"How are you so fucking perfect ?"she whispered as I nibbled on her ear…

I giggled,"Pure fucking talent."

I could take heed Roo come up back into the way, and a part of me thought that maybe it was a adept idea to consecrate Casey some distance, just to try not to take a leak things awkward for Roo and Casey. Casey felt so right though, I just couldn't resist…

"Jakey ?"Roo asked…

Casey went insane…

She pushed the hot pan entire of spaghetti sauce away from her, slamming the pan against the back of the range as sauce spilled out over the Earth's surface. I was filled with surprise as I instinctively pulled Casey and myself away from the stove…

"Goddamn it Aubry !"Casey squealed as she spun away from me,"Daddy ! Not Jakey ! Daddy !"

I caught her arm as she started to storm over to Roo, pulling her up short. She spun around on me like an furious badger, the cult in her optic apparent…

Realizing that she needed blank space, I took a stone's throw back, raising my hands…

She stopped suddenly, her anger melting away as weeping started to fulfill her eyes. I smiled at her, and put her face between my hands, trying to will away the swirl of emotions going through her right now. She put her hands on my forearms and pulled herself closer to me as pity crowded through her anger.

I smiled at her, letting her know it was all OK, that I understood…

I kissed her on the os frontale,"Why don't you let me bailiwick this one ?"

She nodded weakly and I could see the choler burn out of her…

I let her go and scooped Roo up, carrying her into the keep room and setting my little girl down on the couch…

She looked miserable. I knew she was a great kid, and I knew that Casey very rarely snapped at her. Roo was taking it very rough for her mamma to do unglued on her the likes of that…

Her slight middle filled with tears as she looked at me,"I'm sorry daddy…"

I mussed her whisker,"Don't vexation about it pumpkin. I still love you."

She lifted her petty arms up and I could secernate she wanted a hug so I scooped her up, gave her a big hug and set her in my lap. I just hugged her for a long metre, letting her process and calm down. When she finally started squirming I knew she was fine and so I let her loose. She leaned into me, her little head tucked in under my jaw.

"I didn't mean to send for you Jakey, daddy… sometimes I just forget…"

I kissed her head,"It's okay little one… I get it. I'm not mad at you."

She leaned away from me, looking at my face carefully,"Is mommy mad at me ?"

I shook my head,"Not really sweetie. She's just stressed right now, so she could use your service if you don't mind ?"

She nodded her little pass,"I'll be undecomposed daddy… I'll do better."

I put my hand on her head and tussled her hair, wondering at how her little nous was so minuscule the intact thing seemed to fit in the medal of my hand…

I wrinkled my nose at her,"It's not that big a deal, push button. It's just of import to mommy…"

I stopped myself, realizing I was lying to her, hell, I was lying to myself…

"Actually, that's not true. It's significant to both me and mommy. Can you try to be a big fille and remember to call me daddy ?"

She nodded, her face still filled with sadness…

I didn't like that…

I thought on the situation. Kid were just like dogs. You could chastise behavior with a sharp give-and-take, or by punishing, but the unspoilt way, I knew was to give them some motivator. Some goal to work towards…

"Did you like the llamas at Ben's home today ?"I asked her, trying to get her to refocus.

She nodded eagerly,"I loved the llamas…"

I narrowed my eyes at her and leaned in conspiratorially."Do you want to see the llamas again ?"

She clasped her delicate hands together and nodded eagerly,"Yes please."

I smiled at her,"What do you say we make a deal ?"

"What kind of deal ?"

"Well, if you remember to bid me daddy all hebdomad, that's seven days from today, then the adjacent weekend, I'll ask Ben if we can go out to his place again, and see the llamas."I explained.

Her eyes got wide,"Can I ride one ?"

I smiled at her,"They aren't my llamas, so I can't promise you that, but I'll ask Ben if you can tease one of his llamas if you call me daddy all week."I leaned closer to her, holding my bridge player out to her,"business deal ?"

She looked at me, then at my manus,"I'll try… but I forget sometimes…"

I smiled at her,"William Tell you what. If you forget, then we'll restart the week, and restart the pot over again. carnival ?"

"So, if I forget, I can't go see the llamas ?"She asked.

I shrugged,"Well, Ben told me that he only wants big girls around his llamas. A big fille can remember…"

She grabbed my script,"I'll remember. I'll be good."

That concerned me,"clit ? If you forget, it isn't you being bad. This is new to all of us. I get that. We need to all be patient with each other, okay ?"

She leaned in and hugged me again. I kissed her point as I picked her up and set her back down, handing her her tablet.

She looked at me with those big eyes of hers,"Thank you daddy."

I tussled her forefront,"You're welcome, Button. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

She nodded as her toy sucked all of her tending in.

I went back into the kitchen…

Casey had the pan back on the burner, and she was just finishing up cleaning the mess she had made of the stovetop.

lean against the countertop I looked at her. We both knew that we needed to peach about what had just happened, but I didn't want her to think I was pissed at her, so I let it sit and simmer, giving her time to intend, to process what was going through her head.

She put noodles in a fall apart pan and turned the burner down on the sauce before she looked at me…

Shaking her head, she moved closer to me. I held my weaponry out, waiting for her to come in and get a hug, she looked like she could use one…

She took one flavour at me and I could see anger and foiling flash bulb across her lineament. She clenched her jaw as she looked at me. She was angry with me, but for the life of me, I couldn't public figure out why.

"What did I do ?"I asked.

She deflated, wrapping her weapon around herself…"Why do you birth to be so blinking perfect ?"

I stepped forward, setting my bridge player on her shoulders,"I'm not consummate kiddo…"

She looked at me, rue in her eyes,"I don't know what to say…"

I gave her a smile,"You don't need to say anything. I get it, I mean it was a bit of an overreaction, but I get where it's coming from. Don't sudor it."

That tone of anger and defeat flashed across her feature again as she shook her head…"Why can't you just get angry like a convention person ?"

I raised an eyebrow,"You want me to yell at Roo because she forgot to cry me daddy ?"

She held her paw out,"Why not ? Apparently it's good enough for me ? I mean I can cry at my picayune female child over that !"

I kneaded the muscles in her shoulder,"Kiddo. This is baffling. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, but right now we just all need to be patient, with each early, and with ourselves. We need to actualise it's challenging for all of us, and it's only going to get laborious if we start getting frustrated with each other."

"I don't want you to get frustrated with her. I don't want you to yell at her. I want you to get frustrated with me. I want you to be angry at me ! For fuck's sake, you should detest me !"She exclaimed.

I let my left hand receive its way to the side of her typeface, letting my ovolo swoop against the unruffled skin of her impudence."Do you think I don't fear ? That it doesn't matter to me ?"

Tears welled up in her eyes…"I know you care. That's what makes this so gruelling. That I fucking know you tutelage, and yet you just keep bottling it up. And I know. I know that it's going to make you detest me… I just want you to blow up about it. Yell at me. recite me I'm being a bad female parent for yelling at our girl. founder some shit. Put your hand through a wall, just don't keep pushing it down."

She stopped, and I could see her fighting with her emotions, trying to find the right words to let them out. Finally, she settled with,"Just don't start hating me… I…"she shook her head,"I couldn't take that. Not now. Not after I finally have you in my life just the way I want you…"

I raised her face so I could see her eyes,"You want me to punch you in the case ?"

Her shoulders sagged,"Yes. Something… anything…"

I balled up my mighty fist and very gently set it against her jaw,"Hadouken…"

The tears fell from her eyes…"Please… don't jest about it… don't put it off like it's nothing…"

I pulled her in tight and hugged her, shaking my head…"See, it's a Street paladin joke…"

She shook her head,"I know goofus… I used to bet Street scrapper with you, remember ?"

hugging her neck, I nuzzled her human face with my nose."I'm upset. I want those years back, but I'm not getting them, no issue how furious I get. There's a part of me that does want to cry and scream."I pushed her back and put my manpower on either side of her point, making her look at me,"But I want you more. I want Roo. I love you both, and I'm not going to do anything to suffer another day with either of you. Do you hear me ?"

She nodded, but I could recite I wasn't getting through to her…

I could finger her slipping away from me… I could experience her guilt starting to kill her love for me…

I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg for her to stop…

Instead I gave her head a good concentrated mini-shake."full stop it. snatch out of it. You want me to detest you ? Keep doing what you're doing. save fucking this up. save pushing me away from you, because if you do that, I will end up hating you."

Her oculus softened, and filled with bout again.

I shook my psyche at her,"Just love me, and let me love you… okay ? It's not going to be well-to-do, and it's not going to go away tomorrow. We're just going to need to keep working at it. We are all going to have highs, and we're all going to accept first. We just have to figure out how to facilitate each early to figure this all out and how to work through what we're feeling. I'm not pissed right now, but in a week, who knows ? At that point, it will be your turn to pick me up, the way I'm picking you up right hand now."

She nodded weakly,"I love you… I'm so sorry…"

My optic hardened and I gave her straits another trivial shake,"And block up apologizing. Fucking man up, and get on team let's get this fixed."I let my hands slip down and roll my index into the presence loops of her jeans, pulling her close. My lips found hers."The team me and Roo are on now… and put out like there's no tomorrow…"

She giggled and shook her head as she wrapped her arm around me, pulling me into that big hug I knew she needed from earlier and I knew that matter were going to get better…



Chapter 26

That night we lay in bed together, tangled in the sheets and each early. She snuggled her face into my chest. I sighed, both in contentment, and as a result of the fact that I couldn't get my mind to shut off…

"What are you thinking about ?"She asked me.

I shook my head,"All the shit I need to get done…"

She lifted her head off of my chest and looked at me,"Like what ?"

"Like get a job for the summer. Like figure out what the Hell is going on with my mom."I trailed off a bit, letting my brain try to catalog the final big matter that needed done…"Like how the fuck I'm going to deal with dropping out of school…"

"What ?"She exclaimed, anger filling her voice.

I was surprised by her reaction. It seemed like the obvious thing that needed doing…

She crawled up my consistency a bit,"You are not quitting school. Don't even say something so dolt, hell, don't even think something so stupid."

I shrugged one articulatio humeri,"Casey… I have a house to support now… I need to get a job."

She ground her tooth, sticking her jaw out at me. I could tell that something about what I had said really pissed her off…

"Roo and I were doing just fine taking tutelage of ourselves a week ago. Don't start pulling that manly bullshit now. You and I are going to work as a squad now, you said it yourself. We're team let's get this fixed. I don't program on becoming Susy Homemaker just because you brought your swinging shaft around."

I looked down,"I don't really think it swings… I mean, what would be the opposite of golf stroke ? I don't even think it's all that impressive…"

Her facial expression went lacuna, and I could tell my effort at humor fell well short of the goal…

"Ha. Ha. My sides are splitting with laughter."

I smiled at her, trying very hard to work her understand."Look, yes. You're right, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mean that you couldn't take care of yourself, or of Roo… It's just… I mean think about it. What, I'm just going to pack up hail drop time, wish you and Roo a glad couple of months and get off back to school ?"

She looked at me like I had just suddenly turned into a giant iguana. She shook her head at me,"No. When you have to go back to shoal, we're going to take up, and all of us are going back with you, as a family."

That took me by surprise…

I shook my school principal at her…

She suddenly bit her lip and looked down at my dresser,"I mean, if you want me and Roo to descend back with you… I guess I should sustain asked that before I just assumed…"

I put my bridge player against her face in sudden panic, raising her head up to search at me."Of track, I would require you and Roo to number back with me ! I just thought…"

My thoughts trailed off. What had I thought ?

"I mean, I can't just arrive at the two of you uproot and come charging off after me. That's completely selfish ..."I tried to connect all my sentiment together, and found them to be a mishmash in my head."I can't ask you to just leave up your lives here…"

She put her hand against my face. Her skin was liquid, and cool against my skin. I could see frustration in her face.

Her eyes met mine,"I'm going to say something, and I want you to try not to take it personally, okay ?"

I nodded,"Okay…"

She took a deeply breath and let it out quick,"Baby, Roo and I don't have much of a life sentence here without you…"

That slammed into me hard. I suddenly felt like a complete failure. Like I had failed to leave for my family…

She poked me voiceless in the thorax,"You promised !"

"Ow !"I exclaimed,"What ?"

"You weren't going to engage that personally !"I saw the guilt shaft into her again, and wished very much that I had controlled my response better…"I'm going to try it your way, okay ?"

I raised an eyebrow at her,"My way ?"

She put her hand against my chest,"Yes. I'm going to try to focus on what needs to be done. I'm going to try to put the past tense behind me. Roo's life story, and my life were okay without you, but I realize now, it's so much best with you in it. That being said, I realize now, I'm just in a holding pattern. Like I was waiting for you to descend in and be a division of my life again, and without that, I just chose not to populate. I realize now, everything I was doing was literally hand to mouth. I wasn't trying to construct a life for me and Roo. I was feeling sorry for myself, and that's not on you. You tried. You tried to get me to come up and live with you, you tried to get me to go to school, and I was so fussy feeling sorry for myself and letting guilt run my life story I refused.

"I'm not doing that any Sir Thomas More. We don't have much here, and that's the point. We're not making a huge forfeiture in giving up what we have here."I could see her watchword catching up to her,"All we're really doing is riding the coattails of your life…"

I pulled her in closer and kissed her frontal bone,"No, you're not. We're going to build a aliveness together. I'm sorry that I said anything different than that. I realize now, how much better my aliveness is with you and Roo in it."

It was then I realized what was making me waffle. What was giving me doubts,"I think I realize now why I was willing to apply it up…"

It made me feel really guilty…

"I wasn't really all that happy in shoal. I just felt like I was going through the apparent movement. I had no material end goal…"I looked at her, and shoal just felt a lot more important…"now… now I really want to get school done. I want to end up law school. Not just for myself, but for you and Roo too. I want to provide for you both. I want you to both have the best things in biography. I want Roo to go to the best schools, and have the in effect things, to have all of the things she needs."

She tilted her head,"Don't be silly, and don't be one of those asshats that starts talking about how often money makes your life-time better."

I shook my head and smiled at her,"And don't you be naïve. You and I have both been poor. We understand, money doesn't make you happy all of a sudden, but it certainly helps to keep a lot of misery away. I'm not talking about stuff for the sake of stuff, I'm talking about making for sure I can take care of us. Making sure enough we have opportunities."

She smiled and pinch me a candy kiss,"Better."

A thought occurred to me then…"So how do you desire to do this ?"

She tilted her head,"Do what ?"

"Moving back."

She took a deep breath…"That depends. Do you need to stay here for a spell ?"

I nodded my head, afraid to give it breathing space,"At least until I know what's going on with my mom…"

She nodded,"I was thinking the Saame thing."

I shrugged,"Dad said I could get a summer job with him. I'm cerebration that might be a unspoiled idea. It would get us through the summer, and then at the end of the summer, we could propel back… my old apartment would work for us I think. It has two sleeping room. One is an office right now, but I could top all of my account book out of it, set up someplace else, and there'd be a bedchamber for us, and one for Roo."

She smiled,"And I could get a job."She play punched at me,"And I'd be a slight prole bee while you went to school."

I grimaced… she wasn't going to like this…"Kiddo… I think you might be forgetting a few things."

"Like what ?"

This was going to be difficult to put in a way that wasn't going to spite her feelings…"How a good deal do you pay for childcare right now ?"

"fountainhead, your category helps me most of the time…"She admitted.

"When we go back, we're going to be looking at probably a thousand clam a month for that alone…"

I could see her look drop."And if I'm checking groceries…"I could see some animation jump back in her eyes,"I still make more than a chiliad dollars a calendar month !"

I smiled at her,"I know, but is it worth it to lose all that time with Roo for a couple of c dollars a month ?"

She moved closer to me and I could palpate a fierceness enter her torso,"Yes. I'm going to facilitate us. I'm going to help our little home."

I felt a violent sensory faculty of pride in her."Maybe you should fall to school with me ?"

She shook her read/write head,"No. If I did that, I would just demand to pay for child care and I wouldn't be bringing in money."

I tilted my headway at her,"You don't want to go to schooling ?"

I could see a sorrowfulness come into her cheek,"I do… I just… I want to provide for us too…"

Smiling at her, I asked,"If you went to school, what would you want to do ?"

She pushed her haircloth back behind her ears,"I want to be a teacher…"

I smiled at her. She had always wanted to be a teacher…"Then you need to go to school. You won't ever be a teacher unless you go to school."

That fury entered her gaze again, and I knew, the argument was over. I had lost."You want to cave in me and Roo the all right things ?"

I nodded,"Absolutely."

"Then finish school. When you get a job, then I'll go back to shoal. In the meanwhile, I'll find something to take fear of us. I'll assistance to put you through school, and then you help me. Deal ?"

I shook my brain at her,"Deal."



Chapter 27

We all sat in the doctor's office. Me. Casey. Roo. Dad. Deb and Adrianna.

We all had that hangman at the gallows look on our face. We were all waiting for the shoe to drop.

The doctor looked at us, smiling. It was hard to tell apart what kind of smiling it was. Was it one of those, ‘ everything is going to be all right'grinning, or was it one of those, ‘ I really need to seem like I care because I'm about to give you some really bad word'smiles…

He opened a piddling folder and looked over my mom's data, studying it. When he looked up, his smiling got a little wider.

"fountainhead, we got the solution back from the pathology lab…"

He let the information sit in the air so long you could feel the tension in the way grow.

It was dad that finally had enough,"fountainhead, spit it out doc. What's the news ?"

The doc nodded, smiling wider,"No cancer."

I let out a sigh, releasing the tenseness I hadn't known had even built up.

Deb was still recovering from the surgery, and she still had the staples in her neck from the study they had done to seal her back up. Her voice was still a fiddling on the gravely English, mostly from the impairment that had been done to her neck. She tired easily…

"So what was it ?"she asked.

He shrugged,"Don't know."

All of us kind of looked at him in dumb daze. How could they not know ? How could there be thousands of dollars in medical bills. Hundreds of hour of workplace by trained professional person and cipher sleep together ?

He smiled again, this fourth dimension wider,"These matter happen. You'd be surprised how common they are. Sometimes our dead body just do weird thing. develop off uncanny little tendrils of hooey. Most of the time, we never notice. Deb, you just had one of the ones that causes job, and that made us notice."

"What happens now ?"Dad asked.

The Dr. nodded,"Well, nothing really. We get Deb all healed up. We keep an eye on the area going forward. Maybe do some ultrasound every year or so to stool trusted nothing is going to maturate back."

Deb's font was filled with so much moderation my heart wanted to sing for her…



Chapter 28

Casey lay beside me, breathing hard from the exertion of our lovemaking.

I held her close, my compensate arm circled around her, my left mitt playing with the hair on her psyche, brushing at her bangs. I was fighting off that feeling of sleepiness…

That beautiful notion of absolute bliss that comes after connecting intimately with someone we love…

I felt her excite a bit against me, sensing her looking at me and her desire for me to expect back at her. Looking at her, all I could do was smile. She made me so fucking happy…

She nibbled at her lip, looking at me like she was nervous…

"Can you stay there, right there for just a second ?"Her representative was quiet, to the full of doubt…

I smiled at her and nodded, afraid that if I spoke I would shatter her into a million pieces.

She crawled out of the bed and went over to her dresser. She opened the top draftsman and took something out. When she came back, she had my ring.

She held the box out to me and I felt my heart driblet into my stomach…

She was giving my ring back to me…

She smiled at me,"If you give it to me now… I'll contract it…"

I felt my eyebrow crawl up my frontal bone like they were trying to escape my face.

She smiled again as I looked at her.

I opened the anchor ring box up and looked at it,"Well… I don't know…"

She slapped my arm.

"testament you marry me ?"

She smiled, nodding her head as she took the ring. My affection Panax quinquefolius as she took it out of the box and put it on her finger.

I smiled at her,"It looks dependable on you."

She nodded, cradling the ring to her chest of drawers, holding it close.

I shook my question, trying to sympathize,"Why now ?"

She lay down against me, pushing her body against mine once again,"I was sitting there in the Doctor of the Church's power today and the thought hit me… what if it was me they were talking about. What if I was sitting there with you, and we were wondering if I was really sick of ? What if we were sitting there and it was you. What if I had to sit there and wonder if it was you that was sick and maybe dying ?"

She shook her head,"I'm done wasting my life. I fucked up, and if you were mad at me, I'd have to eat that and learn to be with it. You say you want to be with me. Maybe I need to trust that. In the end, I need to just do what I can and help us both to impress on with our life story. Maybe you're angry with me. Maybe this won't work out, but one thing I know for certain… I know how badly I want you, and I know how badly I fucked up trying to save that from you. I'm done with that and I want to spend the relaxation of my life making my mistakes up to you…"

I grabbed her hand and pulled her close, kissing her, knowing that she was right. In the end, all we were going to give was each other.

We would find a way to make that enough…





The End





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