Nozzer's foremost Gay sex.

It's humour not hard core.

We was down the Flying Horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the compeer looking for a few away patron to remind them that their team may be better at kicking testicle but we was better at kicking bullock block if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on configuration. He kept gasping for intimation and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Frank Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a round in, It was getting late, folk music was leaving."Keep the alteration,"I says.

"What change you owe another ten pound fifty,"the know it all managing director shouts earning himself a good kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us table with nine pint and a mail boat of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to flash her titty, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her segmentation, could suffer seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after lads ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me whisker maybe, and there's summat good on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"garden rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat effective with sixty bloody epithelial duct,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his dry pint. It was odd he usually just drop down them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to tease apart it up."Mikey suggested.

"Needs summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't nurse his beer. Ten dry pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the road when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how queer started,"I said,"Some piteous SOB couldn't shit so his teammate buggered him to undo it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the lounge bar where several sharply dressed fella was sat round. I knew one of them, Peter"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything chicken feed,"Nozzer said through a fog of hard liquor fumes,"Anything."

I went into the couch, They was all there, gay as nookie, all sharp causa and that. One had a wearing apparel on. Lovely wraith of pinko, compassion he hadn't had a shaving for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate phantasy you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, vice pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit loose tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly cock up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"wellspring it used to be remember ?"I said,"When you used to get a difficult on in the showers ?"

"Oh,"he said,"Well what did you expect all those tricky well toned masculine bodies just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your side of meat or at least having a test,"I says.

He stared me right hand in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll film it on me phone, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the lock in."

"Forty / 60"I says.

"No, I'm glad with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me seat and tells Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fancies you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

lock chamber in started around Eleven, Sandra locks and bolted the door, hung her knickers on the door boss and started selling durex at ten quid a stroke before she sat on the billiard table, legs spread wide of the mark and started wanking with a bottle of Newcastle Brown. Newcastle John Brown I ask you ! No class that bint, she had empty Champagne bottles and Frank Philip Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her brightly pink snatch lips.

Thing was she had no takers ‘ cause everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the blokes had their telephone out and the other lot, them what batted for the other side, had their cocks out wanking.

Nozzer had his pant down as he bent over the Billiard board, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum cleavage when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Saint Matthew and M & S Wye fronts round his mortise joint while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a nice shade of putting green if I remember right. He had a right fuckup. Mine would suffer turned inside out and done a blue runner if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

someone splashed some lube over Nige's pecker, I say lube, it might throw been gearbox oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to line of work, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining putting green incubate member eased into Nozzer's puckered Virgo the Virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the pie-eyed porta slowly easing open from the truehearted pressure sensation of his rampant member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waist for Sir Thomas More purchase and grunted with the campaign. Beads of swither broke out on his eyebrow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's cock hung down like a shrivelled turnip. The hammer in his ass felt good, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this time he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to be sick up ten pints of Frank Philip Stella and a Chicken Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige thrust in but something was pushing back. His metrical foot began to slip. His cock was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the clobber of nightmares. Hs peter was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the awful shit python.

"For fucks sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his drawers and landed on his back.

The python stuck its embrown promontory out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a upstanding tool of dogshit oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the spot, '' Nozzer says, as the literal giant shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big John Brown snake in the grass coiled up ready to coin."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

Poor old Nige was in fade down."Deliverer !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took ruth on him she expertly peeled off his safe using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh inadequate Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bonce,"Come to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a flash of stirring, she popped her left tit out for Nige to suck on.

"Never mind Mummy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"Mummy has a special figurehead bottom so you can fuck her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in finicky to clean the shit up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"lack to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice front bottom ?"Sandra asked in a stupid voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a saucy durex on Nige's cock. She eased around and bent-grass over the edge of the snooker table and reaching between her legs she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling peter towards her pussy. Nige eased into the unfamiliar warm slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so little resistor, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his cock with well practised bitch muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was ecstatic."Man that was the best shit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might turn gay me self if its that sound,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to shit,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"right hand,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the pissing mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his prophylactic full of tinder and his face absolutely white,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girl checkmate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five quid by the way."

"Ghogof calendar week,"I says,"give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No motivation to bring the piss."

Not the most raw of solution anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the usual electric charge.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody affair he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker mesa and her fundament on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's mates were staring in disbelief, they couldn't get their heads around it. Nige fucking a raspberry. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few more bevvies and went plate. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about style and women's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every sentence he saw an ass cakehole he imagined a grass python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a squeamish few quid out of Nige and every gay fellow in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his deadening .