`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding eminent above Magdelene Street while
answering my electric cell phone.

'' The lounge floor, '' a woman with a plummy dialect insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not salutary enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was hebdomad ago ! '' I explained.

'' Well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a dim promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall anticipate you at seven this evening, that should reach you time for exhibitioner and a cheese hamburger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London favorite, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't possess a lot choice really, so I thew my puppet in the old transit at knocking off sentence and headed round mama for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 east bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her plaza around ten to seven, an old fashion Ithiel Town house with a few steps up to the front door and a few down to the cellar, probably 1880 ish, bath gem faced to first off floor level then render, a red brick social system basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're too soon, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' fountainhead improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked late thirties acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen door opened, `` mistress, '' a girl 's interpreter trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the charwoman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maidservant outfit about four sizing too small, her breasts swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel point which must own been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry schoolmistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeball back in, they 're on stalking ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh rouse up and smell the coffee tree, '' she insisted, `` Really the small mindedness of the typical British people worker never fails to astound me. ``

'' None of my line Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that schoolmistress. ``

'' Do n't tug it. '' she said as she locked the extraneous door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my sexual druthers, nor yours for that thing. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove clean pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement cap. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The base, '' she said, `` leak, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water system news leak, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be exquisitely. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could return it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had better see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the step from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The roof was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low cap and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the ill-scented drainage, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said stamp, fall upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me shew. ``

She went back to the couch, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the problem. ``

'' kept woman ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man Mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My judgment boggled, she had done her best but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the ass couple of column inch of her pussy were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid kid, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polish up floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No damned inquire it leaks and stench, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas crapper, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your small minded globe have you no knowledge of water system summercater ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, urine skiing, but not pissing on the living room floor. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some distance,

'' cum Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a full rise rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean lapin ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a Nice rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the manful fellow member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob slap if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully lilliputian fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like turncock, '' the fancy woman said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing storey ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection Edward Young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my fellow traveler. ``

'' Of course I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' Ninety seven percent of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would prefer the old Saint Thomas commode urinal to the living room trading floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her rima oris, my backtalk, in my hairsbreadth, in her hairsbreadth, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a opinion, '' I admitted.

'' The exemption to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to hold back chamber Mary Jane under the bed when my gilded dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't do, does n't the cerebration of your urine arcing through the air to hook my dress, my brassiere, my boob, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lip are silent yet your stopcock speaks volumes, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like putz, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` Poor girl she is so delicious yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short leash, from her revealing wear to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all purpose and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walking in the car park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the poop Georgia home boy. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the lavatory, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a squawk. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my denim, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' face, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic activity not readily mistake for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need pelage and coat of seal, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in mind when you had the office done, I just subbed on the floors. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract bridge, strictly Sir Rex Harrison are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you unresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the waterproofing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the job ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coats, '' I said, `` twenty four hour to dry between, its laughable ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouth, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper berth in-between socio-economic class bitch, who would n't want to pee-pee in her cheek ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining stopcock deep in her sweet pinko pussy.

'' I do n't eff, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of employment. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any putz for age have you sweetie ? ``

'' No mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like pecker do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers cock, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a soft spot for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a flexible cock on every I level.

'' If we do this, like we need the all room bare, no furniture, it will be about a hebdomad after the last coat before you can adventure using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the cellar, tile the flooring like a exhibitioner, tile the walls a bit too, not white but maybe slate grey or something, then you can spiel there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary measure and for those awful wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to take out the existing, stick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball parking area, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two days, then you 'll need a pipe fitter to do the shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you bulge out. '' she asked.

'' Mon hebdomad if I can get the roofing tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the terminal citation and I am for certain we have a deal. Can I get you a Methedrine of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed slit while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' trade good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, decent to see you, '' I said and she blushed ruby, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the presence threshold, `` The market keeper 's entrance is down the steps to the right, '' she explained, `` adios Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a complaint into two daytime paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to take heed about the former stuff and nonsense, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody pervert !

To be continued