For as long as I can commend, I have always wanted to be a estimable variant of myself. A Cuban sandwich to individual, but every sentence I see danger or trouble, I end up ... freeze. I guess the paladin lifetime is just not for me ... I never introduced myself though did I diary ? You 're new, I 'm new to you and here I am already throwing stuff at you like this, I 'm drab. My name is Leon, Leon Howard Carter. I 'm 14 and I 'm a highschool freshman. I love plot, comic strip, dancing, coffee and I 'm a BIG, BIG Superhero fan, namely ... Superman.

I know, I know ... one would say that a guy my age is should be more into Batman, or really should n't be into cartoon paladin at all ... but I just bonk it. The story, the superintendent folk, and the new Superboy Jonathan ? So adorable ! Not many people like it, and I get it, but I guess ... to each one their own I guess ...

But this entering tonight is not for me to lecture about Superman, but about ... well ... who I am.

Sorry about how I unevenly write, I 'm just not used to it, but here we go !

I ... am adopted, I do n't think when or how I got here but the bomb just dropped one day for me. My parents called me down and told me one day. I 'd say I took it kinda well, I did n't cry or anything, do n't even opine I felt anything actually ... I got benumbed and just ... kept on bread and butter. Maybe it 's due to the fact that my parents love me so much and that I do n't know anything former than them as my parents, but I did n't find anything negative towards them ... anyway, I go to school, I have a best friend and lots of Quaker that take care of me because they say I 'm lovely. I guess that 's cool actually, that everyone likes me this much. I just do n't get what I have that 's so impressive.

One thing about me that I find ... well, weird is ... well ... I do n't even have intercourse why I 'm writing it as if I 'm talking but whatever ...

I do n't feel confortable in relationships.

I love how my friends like me and worry about me, I love my parents, but the mere mentation of having person actually love me to the point of wanting to be WITH me gets me ... nervous. I 've had two girlfriend before, sooo let 's talk about that.

My first girlfriend 's gens was Eva. She was sweet-smelling, she was beautiful ... had these amber heart and sinister tomentum ... She would always cling around me, said she 's protect me and my smile, and I said I 'd do the same for her ... turns out ... former people feeling the same as you can cause lots of trouble. The fact that my acquaintance all like me just as much made her feeling ... unappreciated ... and I ca n't blame her. We broke up in 3 months.

My bit girl was called Lola, and she was awesome. hoodlum girl, long inkiness haircloth and gamey eyes I 'd easily get lost in. She was really, really bad ... closest to a very life heroine I could foregather. One day, we were coming out of the movies when we were jumped by this guy with a tongue quick to rob us. As I said, I froze, I could n't do anything ( And rue it to this day ) but her ? She flipped the guy over herself as if he was made of report, dunno if it was shock or reverence but he simply got up and ran away from us. I 'm grateful to her ever since this day. We really hit it off as a yoke. alike gustatory sensation, euphony and game ... but ... well ... she 's an ex for a reason right ?

She told me something, something that scared me a lot ... she said `` I love you ''. And I could n't ... say it back to her. And after 3 days ... we talked it out and broke up ... I just ... could n't ...

Ok, I just gave myself some face slap and I 'm gear up to talk about the adjacent somebody ... the one I let loose all the clip. Ian Anderson.

I 've known Ian ever since we were small. We always had fun together ... he is so civilised and glad and there 's something about the way he winks that just says `` Do n't worry, I got it ''. He is my age and we are in the like stratum, we like the Saami stuff and he 's really brave out ... bravest guy I 've ever known. He is my one true wedge, and I ca n't help oneself but notice that ... everytime he winks at me, reassuring me that everything is going to be ok ... my heart and soul skips a measure. I get anxious, I get glad and kinda disappointed that I get to finger this way and have no estimation what to do with this feeling ...

Ian is my best acquaintance, always was. I feel ... weird when I 'm around him. I 'm always happy with him. I 'm laughing writing this because ... there was this time he got here, my parents were out and we played secret plan all day, danced around like a bunch of kids, sang together and even had pizza for dinner. It was one of the felicitous daytime of my life. So chill, so adept ... he always reassured me that he was having a lot of fun with me, and I could say the like to him. He was the reason I even changed my fashion !

I used to have a messy black hair, one day, he just went `` Hey, ever thought of like ... dyeing your hair ? blond or something ''. I remember it vividly ... he ... ran his finger on my hair on the country that should be blonde and said `` Maybe lower it on the sides a bit ? ''. I laughed at that, it was so ... dessert. I would never look as cool as Ian though. His whisker is spiky John Brown, his oculus are the most beautiful tincture of green ... different shades. Yeah, you heard me.. uhh .... say it. He has heterochromia and it 's the coolest matter ever !

Which brings me to the ... reason I 'm writing this down ... I 've been feeling dissimilar about him ... not the skipping a New York minute ... more like ... I want to be so much closer to him, not seeing him hurts ... and my friends seem to notice that I 'm uneasy when he is not around. They poke fun, good natured of course, but I was thinking ... maybe ... I 'm not the exclusively one feeling like that ... what if I really am not ? What if he feels the Lapplander way ? Oh God what if he does n't ? Why am I so ... crazy about it ? Am I going crazy ?

Is it ... just me ?

Maybe I 'll invite him over tomorrow ... try to talk about it ... I 'll be home alone, great opportunity. What could go damage ?