An old tale reprised.

Federal Reserve note All theatrical role are entirely ficticious and my apologies of any family or company figure have inadvertently been used


My noblewoman 's Descent, the Samuel Butler Tale.


I was idly cleaning some silverware. The sun was shining through the drawing elbow room windows. The lawns stretched away towards the lake with its island and folly while a gardener snipped ineffectually away at the lawn edges. It was an ordinary summertime day.

Mr Harrison my Jehovah 's stock agent and adviser arrived just after luncheon, he asked no postulate to see my dame with the furthest urgency.

'' But sir, my lady is resting, '' I explained, knowing she was most in all likelihood with one lieutenant Carruthers her later dalliance.

I went to essay her, I went upstairs to her way and knocked decorously, and then as one does I listened intently.

'' Oh yes, '' she was gasping, `` Oh that 's sooo trade good, do n't stop. ``

'' There 's someone knocking, '' a man 's voice hissed.

'' Mr Harrison wishes an consultation my lady, '' I explained through the close door.

'' Then have him put on a peculiar wig and appear at the Adelphi ! '' the man joked.

'' greyback, '' my lady whispered, `` see its Gerald 's banker, I had better go, '' and she shouted `` Just a moment ! ''

Amazingly quickly my gentlewoman appeared at the door, a vision of prosperous lock and vermillion chiffon, spoiled only by smeared lipstick.

'' My madam, '' I explained, `` Your lip peg ? ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` Do n't be so damned impertinent ! '' but she still looked in the mirror and repaired the damage with a napkin.

'' Good fellow, mums the tidings ? '' Carruthers said as he followed her from the room while smoothing his cricket New Jersey down and taking his pocketbook from his white cricket pant he tucked a ten Kenyan shilling bank note in my top pocket, `` See myself out, binding way. '' and he slipped away, the very epitome of a sofa lizard, or should that be lounge snake.

I left him to his misrepresentation and deception, no doubt the regiment thought he was elsewhere, perhaps he was at cricket and had himself bowled out to give up half an hour for cuckolding but perhaps his enormous ego would not allow him to look less than a dot at the crease but he was certainly most unworthy of my lady 's affections.

My madam swept downstairs, `` Mister Harrison, what a pleasant surprisal ! '' she simpered.

'' I fear not peeress Saltcoats, '' he said, `` Can we talk privately ? ``

'' The study is useable my lady, '' I suggested.

'' He means sodomist off Holdford ! '' my peeress hissed.

'' Alford my lady, '' I corrected, `` Certainly my ma'am. ``

'' Go on then ! '' she hissed and she ushered me away.

I went to the kitchen, I sat on my pot, Mrs Bridge the cook stood at the sink, `` Trouble Mr Alford ? '' she asked.

I looked at her, heavy breasted, round shouldered and old before her time, `` None of our business Mrs Harry Bridges, '' I said using the courtesy title of Mrs despite the fact she had never married and was likely a Virgo the Virgin, with lilliputian prospect of losing that distinction.

'' If you say so sir ! '' she said sarcastically.

I let it go and then suddenly my dame shouted `` No ! ``

I stood and rushed to the study and flung the door all-encompassing. My lady was aghast, but stood curtilage from Harrison, `` No, it can not be so ! '' she cried.

'' What have you done sir ? '' I demanded, `` My lady is distraught ! ``

'' Not I, '' he said, `` I accept no blame. ``

'' For what ? '' I asked.

'' Lord Saltcoats has been declared bankrupt, '' George Harrison explained, `` Receivers have been appointed, my lord has seven calendar days to vacate these premiss, meanwhile all bank accounts are frozen. ``

'' What do you mean ? '' I demanded.

'' house news report, all that form of matter, '' he explained, `` It 's the stock market, and reinsurance, high finance, you would n't understand. ``

I should have hit him for his insult, but how was he to know my true up quality ? Instead I congratulated myself on blending so subtly into the fabric of the land house.

'' There will be some residuum surely, the London abode ? '' I asked.

'' Mortgaged, '' he said, `` And remortgaged, indebtedness vastly exceed the assets. ``

'' Then why let this pass off ! '' I queried.

'' None of your business, '' he said, `` But I had no mind, none at all, I merely manage his Lordship 's investing portfolio, of class we made heavy losses, but no more than anyone else, to a lesser extent than many, it 's not my fault he started meddling in insurance, none at all ! ``

'' What does it mean, where will we go ! '' my lady demanded.

The phone rang, in an automatic inborn reflex I went to the entrance hall to answer it.

'' Rainsford menage, Lord Saltcoats abidance, '' I answered automatically.

'' Alford, is that Alford ? '' someone demanded.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed.

'' Right look its Ted Griggs here, '' he said, `` His Lordship 's Jack London chauffeur, I got some bad tidings. ''

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' looking at tell Mrs Bridges that Lord Saltcoats, has disappeared, '' he said.

'' Disappeared, no he 's gone bankrupt. '' I said.

'' wellspring I dropped him off at Queen Victoria around ten o'clock this morning and they said to go home when I got back, I reckon he legged it to France on the material body de Whore, '' he meant the Golden arrow power train, `` What do you stand for bankrupt ? '' he demanded, `` Oh tinker's damn, I ai n't got no more pennies tell Mrs Bridges, '' he said after the telephone pinged and suddenly it went dead Brrrrrrr.

'' It seems his Lordship has left left us, '' I said as I returned.

'' Only comme il faut matter, '' Reginald Carey Harrison agreed, `` Gun or noose ? ``

'' The train ferry to France ! '' I corrected.

'' Oh the total shit ! '' my lady cried.

'' Indeed my lady, '' I agreed and I slipped away.

Generally private use of his lordship 's telephone was soil for heartbeat sack but I no longer cared, and throwing caution to the jazz I booked a call to my bank in Liverpool where they were keeping my `` folk Silver, '' in their base hit deposit.

'' Alford ! '' my peeress protested when she saw me at the telephony when I should receive shown Mr Harrison out, but I ignored her.

She flew at me afterwards, `` How daring you ! '' she said, `` Collect your affair you are dismissed like a shot ! ``

'' And how shall you pay me what you owe ? '' I demanded, `` You can not. ``

'' I can dismiss you with nix ! '' she said, `` No payment, no reference, no character ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried, `` Well perhaps you can pay me. ``

'' No ! take your things and go ! '' she said.

'' Perhaps you could pay me the way you pay Lieutenant Carruthers and a few more I might mention ! '' I suggested.

'' No, Rape ! '' she wailed and she rushed towards her room.

I followed, I caught her at the doorway and pushed her inside pausing only to bolt the door.

'' No ! '' she said, `` Well at least let me undo the maulers, this cost an absolute fortune. ``
'' Of course of action, '' I said, `` Allow me. ``

She sat on the bed as I unfastened her wearing apparel, `` Be careful, '' she pleaded and then she stood and it fell around her feet.

Her well rounded bosom bulged over her red girdle, her red knickerbockers enclosed by the suspender shoulder strap, and she stood up and laid the attire carefully on the dresser.

'' That 's better, '' she said and she screamed, `` rapine, '' again various times.

'' Ot would appear the US cavalry is otherwise engaged my lady, '' I observed as I removed my highly polished Shirley Temple shoes to uncover well wear out mordant windsock with protruding big toes, which I hurriedly removed, `` Does deputy Carruthers murder his shirt and under shirt madam ? '' I asked.

'' No, though it is none of your business, '' she declared, `` Brassica napus ! '' she shouted again.

I removed my jacket and shirt front man, slipped the cardboard collar off and removed my undershirt.

'' Good Almighty, '' she gulped, `` Alford, '' and then I unbuttoned my flies and removed trousers and underpants in a single motion.

'' God, you are pleased to see me are n't you ! '' she exclaimed as she gazed at my manhood as it strained, `` Right, '' she said as she snapped her suspenders away from her stockings and pushed her knickers down before kicking them off her feet.

'' violation, '' she shouted again and then, `` Oh well, you wo n't wound me will you, and there are some johnny 's in the dressing table.

'' They spoil the moment my lady, '' I explained, `` I shall hop on you as the good overlord intended. ``

It was nearly a week since my last night off, spent with two buxom bawd in the town a tiresome ten long miles away by bicycle, and my need was great, and her protests were short but tokens.

'' Do n't hurt me, '' she asked again as I gripped her waist as I planted my genu firmly between hers and blindly aimed my manhood at her.

'' Hey, '' she said, `` Not there, let me, '' and she guided my straining humanity between her unseen cunt lips and took me to heaven.

'' Do something then, '' she insisted.

'' What ? '' I asked as I luxuriated in the feel of her moist bitch gripping me.

'' I do n't be intimate, but it 's not very exciting for me. '' she declared.

I thrust against her, `` Better ? '' I asked.

'' Much ! '' she said, `` And again, that 's better, '' she said, `` Oh you 're so big, '' she said, `` nookie me, you 're going to prison for this so enjoy yourself ! ``

I started to think of her as a whore, a beautiful golden haired high school class prostitute, and then I remembered the smeared lipstick and I determined to sample her lips as well and I dipped my sassing to caress hers.

Her tongue emerged instantly, running around my teeth, my judgment exploded and so did my prick jerking and pumping and flooding her section, and as our mouths parted she was gasping and muttering, `` Oh my god, '' she said and then we stilled.

'' Alford, '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``,

'' What ? '' I asked.

'' If we 're bankrupt '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``

'' What is this `` We'suddenly ? '' I asked.

'' Well, what is it to be Alford, ravishment or 'we', '' she asked quite reasonably.

'' We, '' I said, `` My lady. ``

`` I expect Gerald has, '' she said quietly, `` He wo n't confront ruin, he knows I only require his money, I never loved him. ``

'' And the dashing deputy ? '' I enquired.

'' He makes me feel good, '' she said, `` But then to be honest, so do you. ''

She stretched, `` So what is it to be, a nice frigidness cell or me ? ``

'' What a choice, may I have a consequence to think my lady ? '' I asked.

'' Get dressed, we have appearance to maintain, '' she insisted and she went to trim again.

I too dressed and made my way downstairs, there was a uproar of part in the kitchen, I went in, `` Mr Alford, or is it My Lord. '' Binks the principal gardener challenged.

'' Mr Binks, '' I replied, `` What troubles you ? ``

'' You and her ladyship, '' he said.

'' She 's finished, '' I said, `` We 're finished, his lordship 's insolvent, the bailiffs are coming so I 'm leaving. ``

'' And ladyship, '' Mrs bridge asked.

'' Do n't ask me, '' I insisted.

'' She 's leaving with Mr Alford, '' her ladyship said as she came to stand behind me, `` Tonight. ``

I had no intention of leaving so soon yet there was little full point in remaining, `` We need to tattle, '' I explained.

'' We 'll get a hotel room, '' she suggested, `` Do you drive ? ``

'' Yes, '' I agreed.

'' Then we 'll claim the Rolls, '' she insisted, `` The shooting pasture brake ! ``

We left that same eventide, her luggage stowed in every spare space it that Brobdingnagian crudely overbodied travesty of a opulence car so to the full that she had to sit beside me, and we made our way north.

'' What will you do ? '' I asked.

'' What do you suggest ? '' she replied.

'' Well I doubt cooking or cleanup is to your taste, '' I suggested, `` Whore, prostitute, courtesan ? ``

'' Yes, '' she agreed, `` I have some money, perhaps we could get a room ? ``

'' Perhaps, but for now, '' I suggested, `` dame Alford and her Chauffeur ? ``

'' Separate bed ? '' she asked, `` I 'll call up you Alan ! ``

'' One for sleeping and one for work ! '' I joked.

I could n't trust her, I never really intended for her to turn a whore but could not gamble telling her the truth, maybe I should have, but I didn't.

You see three years before my father had made transcription for me to put to work in the United nation of the States, to learn about the American system of banking which seemed so greatly superior to ours, and while there the great crash of 1929 erupted through the unhurt economic system.
I was working at a medium sizing city depository financial institution as a sort of assistant director, and I was right there when the run came, and when it came it all seemed to hap all at once.

Ordinary people, regular folks waited in a tune right down the street and you did n't want to be a genius to put to work out we had not even a tenth part of the money those people thought they had in their accounts to pay them. We started paying out in the morning and by noontide the vault was empty, except that is an innocuous cardboard box of big value bills which somehow found their way in my locker, for safety keeping you understand.

Ted Adams chief cashier and Jim McFadden the director came down the bank hall all glum faced, `` Shut the doors Jim, '' McFadden said to the safety device, `` We 're gone broke. ``

That triggered a good bacchanal, I slipped out the back way with my box and in all the confusion I swapped my twenty seven Buick for the janitor 's bicycle and coat and I rode off down the street on that bicycle with about a one-half million dollars in that composition board box balanced on the cross bar.

I went to the apartment I rented, told Mrs Rafferty the concierge I was leaving and I headed north Rebecca West towards New York City on the eventide train.

So what do you do when you have half a million dollar bill of individual else 's cash ? Why get a job of course.

Except the world and his brother was looking for a job, so I bought some furniture, put my box in a counter, had it crated and arranged cargo to England on the RMS Mauretania and I sailed house 2nd class.
I had my crate put in storage and looked for a job, told dad I was still in the United States Department of State, changed my gens to Alford and forged some references and worked in Liverpool until I fancied some area air and her ladyship took me on as Butler.

She knew my cite were forged, she thought she could sack up me any time and that would proceed me in line of merchandise and hold back me telling her husband about her lovers.

But now I had half a million dollars to spend, without being noticed.

We found a nice little flat, it was over a betting shop in the Harrow route, the estate agentive role had hundreds of empty properties, we could take our pick.

She had savings, we pawned some of her jewelry, we painted the flat, bought beds piece of furniture, I had my clobber from Liverpool sent over and we worked like a genuine team.

Then when we were all ready to open I told her my plan, `` Look, '' I said one evening after a particularly tenacious and gruelling session in bed.

'' I know, Mr. flopsy is tired, he needs a kiss, '' she said as she bent to kiss my dull penis.

'' My lady, you do n't demand to sleep with anyone, except me, '' I explained, '' I have about half a million dollars to launder, you just say an flake American paid you in dollar mark. ``

'' But Alan, '' she said, `` We agreed, we did all the work, we were going to get a maiden, start belittled, build up up, two or three man a dark to begin with. ``

'' We can just use it as a cover, '' I explained.

'' But you promised two or three men a day, '' she said angrily, `` You promised ! ``

'' But surely you do n't need ? '' I asked.

'' And you do n't seriously guess you fill me do you ? '' she asked, `` With Mr diskette always needing a suck to kick start him, for Heaven sake ! ``

'' You want to be a whore ? '' I said incredulously.

'' Yes with you there to protect me, '' she said, `` I expect I could do a valet in forty minute of arc and a handmaid in ten. ``

'' At the like time ? '' I queried, `` One up the spine enactment ? ``

'' Possibly, '' she said, `` But you did the sums, even with a few days a month when we need a rack in we will spend a penny a cleanup ! ``

'' But what about us ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, you still get your turn of events, '' she said, `` But really, seriously, '' she said, `` I need more than. ``

We heard nothing of Lord Saltcoats and so it was that we opened `` The Lady 's Boudoir '' one eve in Sept 1932.

The epithet was stencilled on the door beside the betting shop an inside the door we had a Booth where the receptionist Lillia sat guarding the tooshie of the stairs and then I would greet the gentlemen, take their hats and boxing glove and stand in attendance in lawsuit they needed assist with dressing and always maintain discretion and moderation.

It sickened me, every day she lay in bed from mid sunup till after midnight while a sequence of men used her, `` Good day sir may I take your hat ? '' I would ask and get a insulting glare in return key as baseball glove were thrown in the hat and the hat handed to me.

We reached agreement for the betting shop to be our waiting elbow room, every day there was my lady, answering to any name under the sun, bid acting the odorous heart, legs astride, bitch glistening. teats distended, bathed in sweat like as not and then dragging some half defenseless gentleman minus trousers and underpants but like as not retaining windsock and sock brace to her as she grasped his rampant appendage to aim it within her or soak up it to life or completion.

Hairy asses bobbling as they pounded her, time after time, week after week, month after month until every ounce of compassion I had for her was solid ground to nothing by the rubbing of crotch upon crotch.

I rented a house for us in Middlesborough terrace so we could get away from her work, but she was always too tired so I had the other bedroom converted to another employment way, bare flooring and a simple mattress.

They paid extra for the simple mattress, the more soiled it got the right they liked it because it stopped being gentlemen and instead it was anyone who won a bet on the horses.

They all wanted to have it off a exquisitely lady on a soil mattress.

'' Maybe you would favor standing against a wall in the ginnel ? '' I asked in a moment of reckless sarcasm.

'' And how a good deal extra would that be ? '' the gent asked quite seriously.

'' Double, '' I said flippantly.

'' Then I 'll have that ! '' he agreed.

She used the courtyard, the ginnel was too populace and she wore a pair of sprocket and a handmaiden smock, sometimes we had three men waiting while a fourth fucked her standing against the wall.

Sometimes Lillia pretended to be the lady, if she remembered to stay fresh her rima oris shut, when not clamped around a client 's member that is, she was fine, except it made too a great deal body of work for me keeping an eye on two whores, taking money and everything.

One night a Irishman asked me to know him up the ass while he fucked Lillia. I declined, but it gave me an idea, `` So where do you get you 're ass fucked ? '' I asked.

He told me, I out an advertising in the window and got ten question in two hours.

I gave Harry the job, he liked nix better than wearing a annulus with nothing under it, usually he wore a kilt but his Geordie accent betrayed him and he relished the estimation of ramming his nitty-gritty up gentleman 's keister while they shafted our whores.

He seemed entirely capable so I left him to it, and gradually did LE and less time at the Boudoir and he became more or less the handler while I planned my adjacent move.

I went to London and became delayed with my intimacy and came north again to check up on on my lady.

She was not there, `` man want variety sir, I got some new girls in, '' Harry explained.

'' But she was the completely reason ! '' I pleaded, `` Where is she ? ``

'' Blowed if I know sir, '' he said, `` I just thought she were a whore, sir. I never thought she was your special whore. ``

I went out to look for her, I asked around until I heard of person living in a hut by the railway and earning a crust from crustal plate layers and the like.

I had to find her and bought a derby hat and gaberdine pelage like a railway system functionary and marched down to the rails yards.

There was no sign of her, but then a lucky stroke, `` You going for a jar Tam ? '' someone asked a device driver as his fault ended.

'' Och so I will, after I poke the ma'am, '' was his reply.

I followed, he went to the engineman 's barracks, where the long length men lodged before returning home, and there I found her raw but for a coating open at the front sitting on an engine man 's cabinet listening to the tales of engines.

'' Enginemen only sir, '' the assistant said politely but firmly.

'' I came to see her, '' I said and pointed, `` How are you ? ``

'' Well, '' she said and she smiled, `` Were you worried ? '' she asked.

'' Yes, you were not at the family, '' I explained.

'' That Harry was beastly, '' she said, `` He wanted to charge more, but I just want sex. ``

'' And now ? '' I asked.

'' They are lovely, all these lonely men to comfort, '' she said, `` They make me feel wanted. ''

I looked at her, her blonde hair seemed to be silvering, her skin once like alabaster now weatherbeaten, `` I 'll preserve an invoice for your money, you know where to find me, '' I explained, `` Oh Geoffrey turned up, '' I added, `` He 's working as a Gigolo in Monte Carlo, maybe you two were made for each former after all. ``

'' Maybe, '' she admitted but the Scotsman had her in his coal dusted sleeve and his black hands ran through her pilus and his opprobrious lips brushed her ruby sass and it was more than I could bear to see.

I hid my tear and left her even as she gasped in approval as her Scotsman lover took her to heaven once more .