An old taradiddle reprised.

annotation All theatrical role are entirely ficticious and my apologies of any family or company names have inadvertently been used


My Lady 's Descent, the Butlers Tale.


I was idly cleaning some silverware. The sun was shining through the lottery room window. The lawns stretched away towards the lake with its island and folly while a gardener snipped ineffectually away at the lawn edges. It was an ordinary bicycle summers day.

Mr Benjamin Harrison my nobleman 's stemma broker and advisor arrived just after luncheon, he asked no exact to see my lady with the utmost urgency.

'' But sir, my lady is resting, '' I explained, knowing she was most likely with one deputy Carruthers her previous dalliance.

I went to search her, I went upstairs to her room and knocked decorously, and then as one does I listened intently.

'' Oh yes, '' she was gasping, `` Oh that 's sooo good, do n't discontinue. ``

'' There 's someone knocking, '' a man 's articulation hissed.

'' Mr George Harrison wishes an audience my lady, '' I explained through the closed door.

'' Then have him have on a comic wig and appear at the Adelphi ! '' the man joked.

'' Reb, '' my dame whispered, `` Look its Gerald 's banker, I had better go, '' and she shouted `` Just a moment ! ''

Amazingly quickly my lady appeared at the threshold, a vision of golden lock and vermillion chiffon, spoiled only by smeared lipstick.

'' My Lady, '' I explained, `` Your lip stick ? ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` Do n't be so damned impertinent ! '' but she still looked in the mirror and repaired the damage with a napkin.

'' unspoilt chap, mums the word ? '' Carruthers said as he followed her from the room while smoothing his cricket jersey down and taking his pocketbook from his blanched cricket pant he tucked a ten shilling musical note in my top pocket, `` See myself out, back way. '' and he slipped away, the very prototype of a lounge lizard, or should that be lounge snake.

I left him to his deceit and deception, no doubt the regiment thought he was elsewhere, perhaps he was at cricket and had himself bowled out to spare half an hour for cuckolding but perhaps his enormous ego would not permit him to appear less than a Zen at the crease but he was certainly most unworthy of my lady 's tenderness.

My lady swept downstairs, `` Mister Harrison, what a pleasant surprise ! '' she simpered.

'' I fear not Lady Saltcoats, '' he said, `` Can we speak privately ? ``

'' The study is available my lady, '' I suggested.

'' He means sod off Holdford ! '' my lady hissed.

'' Alford my lady, '' I corrected, `` Certainly my gentlewoman. ``

'' Go on then ! '' she hissed and she ushered me away.

I went to the kitchen, I sat on my stool, Mrs span the James Cook stood at the swallow hole, `` Trouble Mr Alford ? '' she asked.

I looked at her, sound breasted, round shouldered and old before her time, `` None of our business Mrs Bridges, '' I said using the good manners deed of Mrs despite the fact she had never married and was likely a virgin, with footling prospect of losing that distinction.

'' If you say so sir ! '' she said sarcastically.

I let it go and then suddenly my lady shouted `` No ! ``

I stood and rushed to the study and flung the door spacious. My lady was aghast, but stood G from William Henry Harrison, `` No, it can not be so ! '' she cried.

'' What have you done sir ? '' I demanded, `` My peeress is distraught ! ``

'' Not I, '' he said, `` I accept no blame. ``

'' For what ? '' I asked.

'' Divine Saltcoats has been declared bankrupt, '' William Henry Harrison explained, `` Receivers have been appointed, my God Almighty has seven calendar days to empty these premises, meanwhile all banking company accounts are frozen. ``

'' What do you mean ? '' I demanded.

'' Household accounts, all that sort of thing, '' he explained, `` It 's the gunstock market, and reinsurance, high finance, you would n't understand. ``

I should possess hit him for his insult, but how was he to know my true character ? Instead I congratulated myself on blending so subtly into the textile of the land house.

'' There will be some residue surely, the London manse ? '' I asked.

'' Mortgaged, '' he said, `` And remortgaged, liabilities vastly exceed the assets. ``

'' Then why let this befall ! '' I queried.

'' None of your business, '' he said, `` But I had no idea, none at all, I merely manage his lordship 's investment portfolio, of course we made heavy red ink, but no more than anyone else, less than many, it 's not my demerit he started meddling in insurance, none at all ! ``

'' What does it mean, where will we go ! '' my lady demanded.

The phone rang, in an automatic rifle innate reflex I went to the entrance student residence to answer it.

'' Rainsford house, Jehovah Saltcoats residence, '' I answered automatically.

'' Alford, is that Alford ? '' person demanded.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed.

'' Right look its Ted Griggs here, '' he said, `` His Lordship 's London chauffeur, I got some bad news. ''

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' Look tell Mrs bridgework that Lord Saltcoats, has disappeared, '' he said.

'' Disappeared, no he 's gone bankrupt. '' I said.

'' Well I dropped him off at capital of Seychelles around ten o'clock this cockcrow and they said to go base when I got back, I reckon he legged it to French Republic on the bod de fancy woman, '' he meant the Golden pointer gear, `` What do you mean bankrupt ? '' he demanded, `` Oh tinker's dam, I ai n't got no Thomas More penny tell Mrs bridge, '' he said after the telephone pinged and suddenly it went dead Brrrrrrr.

'' It seems his lordship has left left us, '' I said as I returned.

'' Only seemly thing, '' Reginald Carey Harrison agreed, `` Gun or noose ? ``

'' The power train ferryboat to French Republic ! '' I corrected.

'' Oh the tally jack ! '' my lady cried.

'' Indeed my madam, '' I agreed and I slipped away.

Generally private use of his lordship 's telephone was grounds for instant dismissal but I no longer cared, and throwing precaution to the jazz I booked a birdcall to my bank in Liverpool where they were keeping my `` Family silver grey, '' in their safety deposit.

'' Alford ! '' my lady protested when she saw me at the telephone when I should stimulate shown Mr Reginald Carey Harrison out, but I ignored her.

She flew at me afterwards, `` How dare you ! '' she said, `` Collect your things you are dismissed now ! ``

'' And how shall you pay me what you owe ? '' I demanded, `` You can not. ``

'' I can give the axe you with nothing ! '' she said, `` No defrayment, no credit, no reference ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried, `` Well perhaps you can pay me. ``

'' No ! take your things and go ! '' she said.

'' Perhaps you could pay me the way you pay Lieutenant Carruthers and a few more I might observe ! '' I suggested.

'' No, Rape ! '' she wailed and she rushed towards her room.

I followed, I caught her at the doorway and pushed her inside pausing only to absquatulate the door.

'' No ! '' she said, `` Well at least let me unwrap the hook shot, this cost an absolute fortune. ``
'' Of course, '' I said, `` Allow me. ``

She sat on the bed as I unfastened her frock, `` Be careful, '' she pleaded and then she stood and it fell around her feet.

Her well rounded breasts bulged over her red stays, her red knickerbockers enclosed by the brace straps, and she stood up and laid the wearing apparel carefully on the dresser.

'' That 's better, '' she said and she screamed, `` Rape, '' again several times.

'' Ot would look the US horse cavalry is otherwise engaged my dame, '' I observed as I removed my highly urbane blackened shoes to give away well worn black socks with protruding big toes, which I hurriedly removed, `` Does police lieutenant Carruthers remove his shirt and under shirt gentlewoman ? '' I asked.

'' No, though it is none of your business, '' she declared, `` Rape ! '' she shouted again.

I removed my jacket crown and shirt front, slipped the composition board collar off and removed my undershirt.

'' thoroughly Divine, '' she gulped, `` Alford, '' and then I unbuttoned my fly front and removed trousers and underpants in a unity motion.

'' God, you are pleased to see me are n't you ! '' she exclaimed as she gazed at my manhood as it strained, `` Right, '' she said as she snapped her suspenders away from her stockings and pushed her knickers down before kicking them off her feet.

'' rapine, '' she shouted again and then, `` Oh well, you wo n't pain me will you, and there are some johnny 's in the dressing table.

'' They spoil the minute my lady, '' I explained, `` I shall jump on you as the good God Almighty intended. ``

It was nearly a week since my close night off, spent with two buxom harlot in the Town a wearisome ten yearn sea mile away by bicycle, and my need was great, and her protests were little but tokens.

'' Do n't anguish me, '' she asked again as I gripped her waistline as I planted my knees firmly between hers and blindly aimed my manhood at her.

'' Hey, '' she said, `` Not there, let me, '' and she guided my straining manhood between her unseen cunt back talk and took me to heaven.

'' Do something then, '' she insisted.

'' What ? '' I asked as I luxuriated in the look of her moist snatch gripping me.

'' I do n't know, but it 's not very exciting for me. '' she declared.

I thrust against her, `` estimable ? '' I asked.

'' very much ! '' she said, `` And again, that 's honest, '' she said, `` Oh you 're so big, '' she said, `` Fuck me, you 're going to prison house for this so enjoy yourself ! ``

I started to believe of her as a tart, a beautiful golden haired high class whore, and then I remembered the smutch lipstick and I determined to taste her backtalk as well and I dipped my lip to fondle hers.

Her glossa emerged instantly, running around my teeth, my mind exploded and so did my turncock saccade and pumping and flooding her parts, and as our mouths parted she was gasping and grumbling, `` Oh my god, '' she said and then we stilled.

'' Alford, '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``,

'' What ? '' I asked.

'' If we 're bankrupt '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``

'' What is this `` We'suddenly ? '' I asked.

'' Well, what is it to be Alford, rape or 'we', '' she asked quite reasonably.

'' We, '' I said, `` My lady. ``

`` I expect Gerald has, '' she said quietly, `` He wo n't face wrecking, he knows I only desire his money, I never loved him. ``

'' And the dashing deputy ? '' I enquired.

'' He makes me feel goodness, '' she said, `` But then to be honest, so do you. ''

She stretched, `` So what is it to be, a dainty cold cell or me ? ``

'' What a choice, may I have a moment to think my gentlewoman ? '' I asked.

'' Get dressed, we have appearances to maintain, '' she insisted and she went to dress again.

I too dressed and made my way downstairs, there was a hubbub of spokesperson in the kitchen, I went in, `` Mr Alford, or is it My Lord. '' Binks the capitulum gardener challenged.

'' Mr Binks, '' I replied, `` What troubles you ? ``

'' You and her ladyship, '' he said.

'' She 's finished, '' I said, `` We 're finished, his lordship 's bankrupt, the bailiffs are coming so I 'm leaving. ``

'' And ladyship, '' Mrs Bridges asked.

'' Do n't ask me, '' I insisted.

'' She 's leaving with Mr Alford, '' her ladyship said as she came to stand behind me, `` Tonight. ``

I had no intention of leaving so soon yet there was little point in remaining, `` We need to verbalize, '' I explained.

'' We 'll get a hotel elbow room, '' she suggested, `` Do you drive ? ``

'' Yes, '' I agreed.

'' Then we 'll subscribe the Rolls, '' she insisted, `` The shooting pasture brake ! ``

We left that Saami eventide, her luggage stowed in every spare space it that huge crudely overbodied travesty of a sumptuosity car so wax that she had to sit beside me, and we made our way north.

'' What will you do ? '' I asked.

'' What do you paint a picture ? '' she replied.

'' Well I doubt cooking or cleaning is to your taste, '' I suggested, `` Whore, prostitute, courtesan ? ``

'' Yes, '' she agreed, `` I have some money, perhaps we could get a way ? ``

'' Perhaps, but for now, '' I suggested, `` gentlewoman Alford and her Chauffeur ? ``

'' reprint bottom ? '' she asked, `` I 'll call in you Alan ! ``

'' One for sleeping and one for work ! '' I joked.

I could n't swear her, I never really intended for her to become a whore but could not risk telling her the truth, maybe I should have, but I didn't.

You see three eld before my father had made arrangements for me to do work in the United States of United States, to learn about the American system of banking which seemed so greatly victor to ours, and while there the great crash of 1929 erupted through the whole economical system.
I was working at a sensitive size city cant as a sort of assistant manager, and I was right there when the run came, and when it came it all seemed to happen all at once.

Ordinary people, veritable family waited in a line right down the street and you did n't involve to be a champion to act out we had not even a tenth part of the money those people thought they had in their account statement to pay them. We started paying out in the morning and by noon the burial vault was empty, except that is an innocuous composition board box of big note value bank note which somehow found their way in my footlocker, for rubber keeping you understand.

Ted hug drug chief cashier and Jim McFadden the coach came down the bank hall all glum faced, `` Shut the doors Jim, '' McFadden said to the guard, `` We 're gone broke. ``

That triggered a go up riot, I slipped out the punt way with my box and in all the disarray I swapped my xx seven Buick for the janitor 's cycle and pelage and I rode off down the street on that bicycle with about a half million dollar bill in that cardboard box balanced on the cross bar.

I went to the apartment I rented, told Mrs Rafferty the concierge I was leaving and I headed north west towards New York city on the evening train.

So what do you do when you have half a million dollars of soul else 's hard currency ? Why get a job of course.

Except the human beings and his comrade was looking for a job, so I bought some furniture, put my box in a sideboard, had it crated and arranged lading to England on the RMS Mauretania and I sailed home 2nd class.
I had my crate put in storage and looked for a job, told dad I was still in the states, changed my name to Alford and forged some source and worked in Liverpool until I fancied some country air and her ladyship took me on as Butler.

She knew my reference book were forged, she thought she could can me any prison term and that would keep me in contrast and stop me telling her husband about her lovers.

But now I had half a million one dollar bill to spend, without being noticed.

We found a nice petty flat, it was over a betting shop class in the Harrow route, the acres agentive role had hundreds of empty properties, we could take our pick.

She had savings, we pawned some of her jewellery, we painted the apartment, bought beds furniture, I had my material from Liverpool sent over and we worked like a real team.

Then when we were all fix to give I told her my plan, `` Look, '' I said one eve after a particularly long and gruelling session in bed.

'' I know, Mister flopsy is tired, he needs a osculation, '' she said as she bent to kiss my muted penis.

'' My lady, you do n't require to slumber with anyone, except me, '' I explained, '' I have about half a million dollar to wash, you just say an eccentric American language paid you in dollars. ``

'' But Alan, '' she said, `` We agreed, we did all the work, we were going to get a maid, start small, build up, two or three valet a nighttime to begin with. ``

'' We can just use it as a cover, '' I explained.

'' But you promised two or three men a day, '' she said angrily, `` You promised ! ``

'' But surely you do n't want ? '' I asked.

'' And you do n't seriously retrieve you satisfy me do you ? '' she asked, `` With Mr diskette always needing a suck to kick start him, for heavens sake ! ``

'' You want to be a whore ? '' I said incredulously.

'' Yes with you there to protect me, '' she said, `` I expect I could do a gentleman in XL minutes and a handmaiden in ten. ``

'' At the Lapp sentence ? '' I queried, `` One up the indorse transit ? ``

'' Possibly, '' she said, `` But you did the join, even with a few days a month when we need a point of view in we will score a killing ! ``

'' But what about us ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, you still get your turn, '' she said, `` But really, seriously, '' she said, `` I need to a greater extent. ``

We heard zero of Lord Saltcoats and so it was that we opened `` The Lady 's Boudoir '' one even in September 1932.

The name was stencilled on the door beside the betting shop an inside the door we had a Booth where the receptionist Lillia sat guarding the stern of the step and then I would greet the gentleman, take their lid and baseball mitt and stand in attendance in case they needed assistance with grooming and always maintain prudence and moderation.

It sickened me, every day she lay in bed from mid daybreak public treasury after midnight while a ecological succession of men used her, `` Good day sir may I take your hat ? '' I would ask and get a contemptuous limelight in return as glove were thrown in the hat and the hat handed to me.

We reached agreement for the betting workshop to be our waiting room, every day there was my lady, answering to any name under the sun, romp acting the sweet heart, legs astride, cunt glistening. teats distended, bathed in sweat like as not and then dragging some half defenseless man minus pant and underpants but like as not retaining wind sleeve and wind sleeve brace to her as she grasped his rampant member to aim it within her or soak up it to spirit or completion.

Hairy asses bobbling as they pounded her, time after metre, workweek after week, month after month until every ounce of compassion I had for her was ground to nil by the friction of crotch upon crotch.

I rented a theater for us in Middlesborough terrace so we could get away from her work, but she was always too tired so I had the former bedroom converted to another work room, bare floors and a wide-eyed mattress.

They paid duplicate for the round-eyed mattress, the more soiled it got the dependable they liked it because it stopped being gentlemen and instead it was anyone who won a bet on the horses.

They all wanted to fuck a exquisitely noblewoman on a soiled mattress.

'' Maybe you would prefer standing against a paries in the ginnel ? '' I asked in a instant of foolhardy sarcasm.

'' And how much duplicate would that be ? '' the chap asked quite seriously.

'' stunt woman, '' I said flippantly.

'' Then I 'll have that ! '' he agreed.

She used the courtyard, the ginnel was too public and she wore a span of cogs and a servants smock, sometimes we had three men waiting while a fourthly fucked her standing against the wall.

Sometimes Lillia pretended to be the lady, if she remembered to retain her mouth shut, when not clamped around a customer 's phallus that is, she was fine, except it made too much work for me keeping an eye on two whores, taking money and everything.

One night a Irishman asked me to lie with him up the ass while he fucked Lillia. I declined, but it gave me an idea, `` So where do you get you 're ass fucked ? '' I asked.

He told me, I out an advert in the windowpane and got ten inquiry in two hours.

I gave Harry the job, he liked nothing better than wearing a chick with nothing under it, usually he wore a kilt but his geordie accent betrayed him and he relished the idea of ramming his meat up gentlemen 's backsides while they shafted our whores.

He seemed entirely capable so I left him to it, and gradually did less and less time at the Boudoir and he became more or less the manager while I planned my next move.

I went to London and became delayed with my thing and came north again to fit on my lady.

She was not there, `` Gentlemen want miscellanea sir, I got some new girls in, '' Harry explained.

'' But she was the whole reason ! '' I pleaded, `` Where is she ? ``

'' Blowed if I know sir, '' he said, `` I just thought she were a whore, sir. I never thought she was your special whore. ``

I went out to attempt her, I asked around until I heard of soul aliveness in a hut by the railway and earning a crust from plate bed and the like.

I had to find her and bought a plug hat hat and dust coat coat like a railway official and marched down to the runway yards.

There was no signal of her, but then a lucky cerebrovascular accident, `` You going for a jar Tam ? '' soul asked a driver as his chemise ended.

'' Och so I will, after I poke the peeress, '' was his reply.

I followed, he went to the engineman 's barracks, where the farseeing distance men lodged before returning home, and there I found her naked but for a coat unfold at the movement sitting on an locomotive engine man 's locker listening to the tales of engines.

'' Enginemen only sir, '' the assistant said politely but firmly.

'' I came to see her, '' I said and pointed, `` How are you ? ``

'' Well, '' she said and she smiled, `` Were you worried ? '' she asked.

'' Yes, you were not at the house, '' I explained.

'' That Harry was beastly, '' she said, `` He wanted to charge more, but I just want sex. ``

'' And now ? '' I asked.

'' They are lovely, all these lonely men to comfort, '' she said, `` They make me palpate wanted. ''

I looked at her, her blonde hair seemed to be silvering, her shinny once like onyx marble now weatherbeaten, `` I 'll retain an history for your money, you know where to find me, '' I explained, `` Oh Geoffrey turned up, '' I added, `` He 's working as a Gigolo in four-card monte Carlo, maybe you two were made for each other after all. ``

'' Maybe, '' she admitted but the Scotsman had her in his ember dusted arms and his black hands ran through her pilus and his disastrous lips brushed her ruby lip and it was more than I could give birth to see.

I hid my teardrop and left her even as she gasped in approval as her scots lover took her to heaven once more .