Back in the eighteenth century a chagrin page visits a jeweler's shop.


"So lets get this straight. You say Prince Charming wants a gold dildo, 10 centimeters in girth and 40 centimeters in length and encrusted with diamonds ?"

Buttoni, Prince Charming's page looked at the jeweller and nodded,"Indeed,"he agreed.

"well we're right out of stock at acquaint squire,"the jeweller admitted,"We got tusk and drinking glass, bronze even, but Au with rhomb, well dingy squire, but there's no demand."

"His highness says he will have you killed if you will not supply one,"Buttoni suggested.

"Fair enough, how does Thursday sound ?"

"Why not today ?"Buttoni.

"Got to gain a mould squire, can't just pour molten gold down some piteous Slovack ‘ s ass golf hole anymore, health and safety see ?"the jeweller complained

"Are you sure you are a jewelry maker and not the small town idiot ?"Buttoni asked.

"Lord no sir, last-place twelvemonth I come thirdly in the village moron contest, but I'm training hard for adjacent year."

The jeweller knew a sentence wastrel when he saw one and Buttoni was a prime example. Everyone knew he was Prince Charming's have a go at it kick.

Prince Boris or ‘ Prince Charming,'as they called him. Pretty as a peacock butterfly, bent as a corkscrew. Everyone knew. All the noblewoman loved him but he preferred taking it up the ass.

"When can I expect your original to come so I can realize a modeling ?"the jeweller asked.

"It's for a charwoman you dog !"Buttoni sighed.

"I can do you a good methamphetamine one for twenty five Florins,"the jeweler offered,"The slipper we calls it on news report of it being so smooth that it slips in easily."The glass slipper."

"Why so chintzy ?"Buttoni asked.

"secondment hand, was the wife's mother, cunt like a pail, it just needs a bit of a clean."

"Done !"Buttoni cried not realising he had been done as the meth was actually made as an apprentice patch and twice the size of it of any other.

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Buttoni rushed back to the castle. He liked his job as page but he was not too keen on people thinking he was Charming's buff. The Prince was not gay, he was just shy with girls with a talent for saying the wrong affair and when the time came either he couldn't get it up or he got too excited and came in his pants. He was ok in the whorehause but back in 1750 marrying a whore was generally considered to be a bad movement for the Royal house PR wise.

"Your loftiness !"he blustered,"I have just had this great idea."

"Not again,"Prince Charming sighed,"What is it this time ? Invade USSR, Dig a burrow, establish a sailplane in the loft, murder a dragon ?"

"A testis !"Buttoni cried,"cargo hold a ball !"

"baseball, Tennis Ball ?"Charming asked.

"No a terpsichore, a big dance, a disguise ball, invite all the eligible wenches,"Buttoni suggested.

"mother tried that,"Charming recall,"I spent the evening concealing in the loo !"

"But this time we say you met your true love and she left a honey item and you have to find her !"Buttoni enthused.

"And what sort of relic ?"Charming asked.

"Her glass dildo !"Buttoni chuckled,"expression !"

Charming looked, he thought it was a large bottle of schnapps Buttoni was carrying until he saw the shape.

"You have got to be kidding !"he gasped as he saw the fiend,"Wow, can you conceive of those muck up spoil simpering frigid bitches Mother effort to palm me off with with that monster inside them !"

"Exactly !"Buttoni agreed as he surreptitiously tried to adjust his bloomers as his rooster swelled at the mentation of it."And struggling to get the monster inside their tight garden pink hairless cunt !"Buttoni suggested.

"And hairy 1 Buttoni !"the Prince added.

"Actually it gets even better,"Buttoni chuckled."It's called a"Glass slipper !"

"Actually,"Charming thought aloud,"With the decently PR we can forget about having a ball, we'll say it happened at the finally masked orb !"

"And you'll marry the girl it fits ?"Buttoni suggested.

"If she's pretty !"Charming laughed,"But seriously.

"So shall we ?"Buttoni asked hopefully

"senior high five !"Charming agreed.


"We will say I met my rightful making love at the masked musket ball and she lost her Glass Slipper,"Charming explained to his mother and father over breakfast,"And whosoever it fits I shall marry."

"Run the costings past my hoi polloi and we'll get back to you,"magnate Harald suggested.

"It is pocket money father not capital account,"Charming lied.

"Capital, I mean excellent !"queen Harald cried,"I'm sick and tired of people thinking there's something wrong with you."

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They put a small ad in the Bayerisch Bugle the local free ads word sheet and opened a small store on Munchen street with a waiting expanse and a cubicle with a bed. Buttoni and Charming waited. Charming had disguised himself by wearing a peasant's gabardine, though the thigh duration smutty leather boots with gold warp sort of gave the game away.

"how-do-you-do, I think I might be the girl he's looking for ?"Helga one of the whores from Madame L'Oiseaux's establishment stated boldly.

"Indeed, come through. I am Buttoni man to Prince Charming and this is my assistant Dumbkoph,"Buttoni explained as he indicated Prince Charming sitting there in camouflage.

"Is this yours my honey ? '' Buttoni asked as he brandished the 4 decimeter long dildo menacingly.

"You bloody pervert !"Helga cried,"I thought you meant a shoe !"and she slapped him polish the brass and stormed out.

"Feisty,"Buttoni observed ruefully.

"Wonderful,"Charming sighed,"Maybe we should have slayed a dragon."

"Yes,"Buttoni agreed,"Or maybe we are on the wrong tack ?"

Just then a beautiful young girlfriend stepped into the store,"Is this where we try the slipper on ? '' she asked,"Only mammy sent me."

"Actually it's a dildo,"Buttoni explained somewhat bluntly.

"Really ?"she gasped,"I did wonder where I lost mine."

"What ?"Charming asked.

"Oh yes my good champion Charlotte and I exchanged Dildoes final stage winter at the Winterfest, and I lost mine."the daughter admitted.

"Your unspoiled friend ?"Buttoni asked.

"Oh yes we shared a elbow room at school, and a bed on cold nights."the young woman explained,"But since I lost my dildo I have to get my maidservant Hetta to fist me when I get PMT."

Charming looked unsteady on his feet, a rakehell vas in his forehead pulsed wildly,"Your loftiness, are you all right ?"the girl asked.

"He has just cum in his pants,"Buttoni explained,"He has this problem."

"It really doesn't matter I'm gay too !"the girl admitted,"Can I try it ?"

"Yes why not."Charming agreed.

"You're Prince Charming aren't you ?"the girl declared."Why are you wearing such a stupid disguise ?"

"He is shy,"Buttoni explained,"But really why would you want to try a dildo when you're gay ?"

"Why not, I don't fancy men, he doesn't see women, sounds perfect !"the girlfriend explained,"And with a skillful big dildo to play with even better."

"Well then,"Butoni produced the glass dildo from a sack and suggested,"What do you think of that ?"

"My god !"the fille agreed,"It's immense !"

Her eyes were wide with avarice as Buttoni handed it to her,"It's sooo a great deal nicer than mine !"she said."So lovely and smooth !"

She looked round,"You don't expect ; You're not going to watch are you ? You filthy swine ! Well at to the lowest degree lock the doorway first."

And with that she sat down on the base, pulled up her voluminous annulus and underskirt and began to gently rub her clit.

"Do you have to watch ?"she asked.

"Absolutely,"Buttoni insisted as the female child tried to get a finger up inside herself.

"Oh well do something utile then, can you draw my titties ?"she asked as she undid the lacing on her bodice to reveal her telling boobies.

Buttoni bent to the task,"And you, I do make two of them."she reminded them."One each."

The Prince too leaned over the girl and began to lactate her nipple.

"Ohhh that's sooo good !"she cooed as first one then two digit slipped inside her dampening cunt.

"That's three finger's breadth,"she said,"hold on."

She was frigging herself urgently now, four fingerbreadth slipped inside her, then the whole of her tiny hand as she fisted herself.

The girl gasped."Hetta usually takes over now, she has a bigger hand than me, but can we try it ?"

Buttoni reached for the dildo and handed it to the girl.

She pressed it against her cunt but it barely penetrated at all. Even though her snatch was dilated enough to train her fist the dildo was much too wide to go more than 3 centimetre inside her.

"I need some lube."she said."Do you have any ?"

"Princy boy has probably cum in his gasp by now if cum would help ?"Buttoni suggested between sucks.

"Er yes."Prince Charming agreed as he dropped his rear of tube."Help yourself."

The girlfriend looked at Charming's long pink pole. A humble drib of pre cum glistened on his cock end,"Er sorry,"Charming apologised."False alarm."

The girl smeared pre cum over the dildo."Why don't you shoot your load over the dildo to really lube it ?"she suggested.

"Why doesn't he stick it in you and really lubricate you, stretch your cunt and all that ?"Buttoni suggested.

"Because he's gay Darling River, everyone knows that !"the girl explained.

"red cent you !"Prince Charming exclaimed."I am not gay, expect I'll show you."

He lunged forward, tripped over his breeches and fell over the lady friend forcing her backwards and almost bashing her chief on the floor.

"Ummm, you smell like a young lady,"she whispered as he fumbled around repeatedly poking her with his cock until he finally found her cunt.

His tool slipped easily into her velvety snatch. He luxuriated in her warmth. It was like fucking a whore without having to watch the clock or pay for it.

"Oi get on with it !"the daughter complained,"Shoot your load and let your page have a go !"

"Be quiet I was enjoying that !"Charming exclaimed.

"You're not supposed to enjoy it,"the girl complained,"Another ten minute of arc then all right ?"

Charming was not too certainly he could hold on for ten minutes. The mountains of Bavaria swept through his mind. He was an Eagle soaring above the roof top of the inning. He was in promised land with the holy man. He was swimming in the J. B. Rhine. He was cumming. A glorious torrent of cum burst from his cock and saturated her parts.

"Ohhhhh."he gasped.

"Oooooohhhh,"she responded.

"Will it fit ?"Buttoni asked,"Or shall I take in a go ?"

"Of course of action it wont fit you moron,"the girl explained,"face I'm gay. I lost my virtue to a fille. Now that I've been fucked by the Prince in front of watcher, I'm habitation free."

"What ? you wanted me to bed you ?"Prince Charming demanded.

"Give the boy an apple, got it in one.,"the daughter replied.

"Do you have no respectfulness for me at all ?"Charming enquired.

"No. None."she replied.

"Buttoni, your stab please,"Charming asked.

"What do you want that for ?"the miss asked.

"Why to flesh out your snatch if you can't take the dildo."he replied.

"All right, I'll try again."she agreed but no matter what position she tried it in she could not force it more than 5 centimeter inside her.

It was no good. It was far too large.

"You have twenty four hours."Charming insisted.

"But how ?"she pleaded.

"Its up to you."Charming insisted,"Send the others away. You fetch your all-night bag. Buttoni you mind the shop."

The girl quickly rearranged her article of clothing and went to the doorway.

"Where does that jeweler oeuvre ?"Prince Charming asked.

"Why in Wisebaden Strasse,"Buttoni replied,"But why ?"

"One spyglass dildo, a lot thinner, get the melodic theme ?"the Prince suggested.

"But why, there are still lots of cunt to stretch ?"Buttoni asked in horror.

"I like that one,"Prince Charming declared,"Anyway, let's see if she is stupid enough to come back.

"Errr,"the girl said,"There's quite a queue."

Buttoni went to the door, he let the girl out and slammed the threshold quickly."Mine gott, they stretch to the Ithiel Town square."

"Right,"Prince Charming agreed,"We need a franchise."

"What ?"Buttoni asked.

"Lookalikes who look like me could take turns to take my place !"Prince Charming suggested excitedly.

"And where do you find these mass ?"Buttoni asked.

"I don't. You do,"Prince Charming laughed."You have an hour, put the closed for lunch sign up."

Buttoni sneaked out the back door and headed for the Bier-Hause. He had a few dry pint of schnapps for Prussian courage and headed for the Guards Barracks. He went to the batch and quickly recruited not only four stand ins for the prince but a sodding royal body guard for only a calendar month pay from each.

Meanwhile Prince Charming introduced a nominative governance fee for every girl who tried the dildo and set up a cashbox on the workshop counter and a list of the scale of charges, including try twice get a tierce try unloose !

Within the hour Buttoni sneaked back in the back way and Prince Charming sneaked out and left them to it.

Even the excitement of watching young lady trying to glut a 400 millimeter dildo up their pussy pales after a while and within the month well-nigh of the guardsmen had gone back to the barracks as girl after girl ruined their moral excellence trying to fuck a glob of glass.

Sweet hairless pink cunts, big hairy cunts, neatly trimmed loins, untidy overgrown bushes, some with nick from shaving. Shy young girls, raddled old hag, the eager, the shy, those coerced, not one could get the ogre even half way up.

Finally the queue dwindled and Buttoni shut up shop and returned to the palace to count the money.

The king was delighted, the fag exasperated and so life returned to rule with Prince Charming sneaking down the brothel every Tues Thursday and Saturday and poking the cook most mornings.

The queen despaired of marrying Prince Charming off but one Sunday there was a hurly burly at the castle gate. The pikesmen on precaution responsibility were barring unveiling to an irate Loretta Young charwoman."Let me in !"a girl screamed."That Prince Charming mongrel got me fraught !"

Prince Charming wandered down to the logic gate."That's him !"the lady friend howled.

"You're the girl from the shop class !"he exclaimed.

"Six damned prison term I paid to try that damned dildo and you were not there once !"she snarled.

"Did it fit ?"he asked.

"No !"she snapped,"Of coures it didn't and I got pregnant !"

"Is it mine ?"he asked.

"Either that or it's spotless conception, of trend it is !"she snapped.

"Fair enough,"Prince Charming agreed,"Let her in, you had dear meet mother."

"What just like that ?"she exclaimed.

"You haven't met mother,"he explained

He took the missy to his mother's sitting room,"Ah mother I am afraid I have made this daughter pregnant,"he announced.

"Really, and what is her name ?"the queen asked.

"No idea,"Prince Charming admitted.

"Typical,"the girl sighed,"It's Ella, my friends promise me cinder because I'm red hot !"

"Oh god you're a lesbian !"the queen gasped.

"I was,"she admitted,"It's strong to be hot when you're throwing up every morning."

"And this is your intended ?"the tabby asked.

"well lets face it,"Prince Charming declared,"When the child comes out there is short doubtfulness the dildo will go back in."

"Dildo, what dildo ?"the queen asked.

"Its this big round of golf,"the girl said as she described the size with her hands,"And this long."

"And what pray do you see in this, this slut !"the poof asked.

"She is disrespectful, headstrong, likes cleaning woman so she's improbable to get off with a footman, she's paragon queer material,"he declared.

"So you think I'm headstrong, disrespectful and unconvincing to tag footmen do you ?"the queen enquired.

"Well two out of three isn't bad,"he laughed rather inappropriately.

"Oh well, if you must !"the queen admitted,"So, ah cinder, what do you like about my son ?"

"He's loaded,"she admitted."Mummy said I should impart it a go. Actually he smells like a girl and I really liked it when he fucked me."

"Oh, that's good."Prince Charming agreed.

"We don't say ‘ piece of tail'in the palace dear,"the faggot explained,"We say ‘ Make erotic love'much lupus erythematosus messy don't you think ? So, cinder, when did you recall of getting married ?"

"Married ? no way !"the missy insisted,"I just want child support."

"Well I'm sorry but we don't do that,"the pansy insisted,"We are rather old fashioned so either you marry Charming or we lock you in the dungeon and heartbeat you and starve you until you're not pregnant any more. ``

"Oh well in that subject,"she said resignedly,"I suppose I will suffer to give it some unplayful thought."

"Actually it's my night for the house of prostitution, how about we get a proceeds away knackwurst and remain in and watch the servant fornicating instead."Prince Charming suggested.

"Yes dear first-class idea !"the pouf agreed.

"Not you mother, clinker !"Prince Charming suggested.

"And if I don't ?"cinder asked.

The queen looked askance at the girl,"We will get the make away and determine the servants fornicating you, two, maybe three at a metre ?"

"Men or girls ?"she asked.

"Men, girls, sawhorse, frank, the penguin from the zoo,"the queen explained,"Good god girl half the girls in the kingdom want to bed my Charming."

"All right, but no funny business,"the missy agreed.

"Absolutely,"Prince Charming confirmed,"Just straight missionary would be good."

"You are not fucking me again !"the girl insisted.

"Not fucking dear, making love, it sounds so lots nicer,"the queen insisted.

"You liked it stopping point clock time,"Prince Charming reminded her.

"Only because you smell like a girl,"she explained.

"Very fastidious my Charming, a bath every Fri and sporty underpants every week,"the queen confirmed,"Anyway where is this famed dildo, it does sound rather fun ?"

Prince Charming and the girl looked at each other and burst out laughing.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well the girl wasn't pregnant after all, something Charming rapidly put right, Buttoni got some backers to put up 1000 guilders for the first of all unmarried young woman to get the dildo up and he made quite a decent business out of it, girls paying to try it, men paying to ascertain. The jeweler never did get paid and the smaller dildo he made is probably still in stock. Buttoni married clinker's friend charlotte after he had a bath, doused himself in Eau de Cologne and basically jumped her one night. The queen had a replica glass dildo made in bonze which she greatly enjoys and the Rex spends his time talking to his plants in the garden and tampering in politics like kings do.

And therein lies the moral of this tale, if you want to extract, have a bathroom and weary clean underpants