My first gear Lesbian Experience

It was late. It was raining. And dark. And cold.

The sound of the phratry group wafted down the street from the Flying cavalry as I nibbled at something that might once accept been a cod before it was cremated and sealed in cardboard flavoured chickenhearted concrete and stuffed in paper with gash of raw potato.

I opened the pub door as the northwards eats premier ( and only ) tribade anti paedophile ring Boris and the Pedos sang.
"String the buggers up"
"String the buggers up"
"There's cipher as vile as a paedophile, so string the sod up !"An audience of three sputter capitulum and an old old codger who mistook it for dominoes Nox sat there bored out their skulls.

"All right Johnno ?"Boris the precede singer shouted as her band rested between numbers.

Nearly bald, five five over twenty stone, squeezed into extra large denim three size too minuscule with a leather jacket what had probably been old when the starting time world war was on she was the sort of butch lesbian who got dyke lesbians a bad name.

judgement you the way she liked fucking convicted pedos up the ass with a sledge hammer hold made me wonder whether she actually was a lesso. She had cracking bass baritone voice though, compassion she was tone up deaf.

"Not so bad, how's it going ?"I asked.

"Not so bad,"she said,"Any favorites ?"

"Bit of poesy ?"I suggested,"The gallows corner ?"

"Sit thee down, and relief awhile."
"And watch the alone pedophile."I started

"As swaying gently in the piece of cake, he dangles from the gallows tree !"she finished, ah that's poetry.

"You can't bring food for thought in here,"Sandra the barmaid shouted.

"Its from the kebab store, I don't reckon it counts as food for thought,"I moaned.

"Them fucking cunts hates us,"Harley Charlie, the moped riding headman skinhead announced,"They ought to fuck off back where the seminal fluid from."

"Where fucking Oldham ?"his Ilex paraguariensis asked.

"Who gives a fuck, LET have a sing Sung dynasty, that old one,"he said drunkenly,"egg white Cliffs of Dover !"

"We'll chuck Pedos over, the White cliff of Dover, tomorrow just you wait and see."

"We'll get all them son of a bitch and chuck the rest period over after,"I suggested,"Then we'll be fucking Pedo free !"

"You got the words Johnno ?"Boris asked.

"No I just fucking made it up, Jesus Christ fucking christ."I replied.

"Make a cracking phonograph recording,"Charlie said, and he stood up,"Need a damn, get the crapulence in Nobber."

"Why the fuck do I always get to get the drinks in ?"Nobber asked.

"‘ grounds your on benefits, no one else got any cash ?"I suggested.

"fucking hard work, benefits, having to remember to fucking limp."Nobber said, but no one gave a fuck.

"What you having Johnno ?"Sandra asked.

"Anal ?"I suggested.

"To imbibe not later you filthy bastard !"Sandra retorted and Boris flashed me a sinister look, she must have thought she had pulled.

"Rats piss,"I said.

"You can stimulate one Frank Philip Stella ‘ effort I know what your the like after a few pints eh Mr floppy disk !"Sandra laughed.

"All fucking right, it was only once."I stammered as me face went bright red,"Ever prepare me."

"Fuck anything anything any time ?"John James Henry Leigh Hunt the bookie from Matson street walked out the bog and started taunting me. Hunt the slit as we called him.

"Long as its over 18, and has a slit and a beat,"I protested.

"Like a cow ?"he laughed.

"Technically they has a vestibule not a cunt,"I said using my superior intellectual gained from watching pointless fucking game display and exchangeable crap on pointless fucking day TV.

"Her then,"he said pointing at Boris.

"screwing off she's a fucking Lesso."I said supportively.

"Fifty British pound sterling says you can't."He suggested.

"fifty quid each ?"Boris asked.

"Two hundred, make it five !"James Henry Leigh Hunt the slit taunted.

"Christ,"Boris said,"I could use a few plug as it happens."

"Oh for fuck sake,"Hunt sighed,"I was taking the piss."

"We heard,"Harley Charlie chuckled,"What you reckon Johnno ?"

"Yeah, why not, I'm up for it."I lied. Jesus it would be halfway to turning fucking gay. Fucking a fat bald geezer even if it did have a cunt somewhere under the ugly gravid folds of belly skin.

"This I just got to see !"Sandra said. What I didn't know was she texted all her mates and said to derive round and watch.

"So what's your game ?"Nobber asks Hunt the Cunt.

"Just like to see Mytilene sorted out,"he sniggered.

"Wants a share of the CCTV rights more like,"I sighed knowing half of Saudiafuckingrabia had seen my ass bobbing around on some pornography groove streamed from the CCTV as I gave Sandra a portion one Nox after lock up.

"lad what do you choose me for ?"Leigh Hunt asked.

"Money grabbing cunt,"Harley Charlie said nicely.

"Yeah well making money's me hobby ennit ?"Leigh Hunt laughed,"Go on. I'll make it a howling each."

"I dunno,"I said,"What you reckon Boris ?"

"If your up for it I am."she said,"I need the cash."

"Getting up for its the job,"I thought to me self as I tried to shut me eyes and think of England, or actually that scene in Nippon Porno Farm three where the Jap girls all strip off on the parade ground and set out doing exercises until the blokes start fucking them.

It was no good, me cock did a passable impersonation of a French S Cargo ( Snail ).

"In the support room ?"I suggested.

"Lock the threshold Sandra,"James Henry Leigh Hunt suggested.

"fuck that me mates is coming,"Sandra explained.

"Oh fucking jesus."I thought.

"rightfield lets do one more set of can buy me sleep together,"Boris called as she twanged a horrible row from her authentic Chinese Scatocaster Guitar, It might accept worked ameliorate if she had noticed it was for 120 volts not 240 but reading and thinking were not exactly her strong points.

"Buy me a ball field ring you cunt and you can sleep with me tonight."
"Stick it up me bum you cunt and I'll make it all seem right.
"campaign all I want is,"“ scads of money and Money can buy me sleep together,"
"Can buy me luh-uv,"
she wailed.

poor people old Macker Lennon must sustain been turning in his pit.

Actually the pub was filling nicely.

Boris was starting another set.

"Tie a ass pedo round the old oak tree
If he fucking dies its all right by me."

"Who writes this shite ?"Hunt asked.

I never admitted anything,"Its satire,"I said.

"piece of ass racist,"he said shaking his head.

"Across the sea, where all the non-Christian priest are pedophiles, ''
"Celibate means the fucking lot are gay."Boris warbled to what might well have been supposed to be the tune to"Danny Boy."

"Jesus of Nazareth sake Johnno she'll be on the racialist crap future do something !"Sandra hissed in me lug hole as the pub filled with her mates.

I stepped up to the mike, I got a half decent voice, well it was ok till it broke, sort of stock split down the midriff more like, when me balls dropped."You all know this one,"I shouted and started singing a crapello, that means on me tod.

"The Dew on the hayfield, the mist on the stream.
The river runs down to the sea."

"We gather together to greet the dawn
and England belongs to me."

Boris's Ilex paraguariensis crashed in a few random chords on sea bass Guitar which was ready to hand because I started far too in high spirits

"So bugger the spaniards and bugger the frogs, and bugger the old EEC
The whole shag Eurozone can get stuffed 'cause England belongs to me."

"Italians are pedopiles so are the krauts, the polish have all got VD
So lets get and build an atomic turkey and bluster them to buggery."

"And gasconade them to Bug, and gasconade them to Bug,"

"And blow them to bug er ree !"I finished as a solo and then tried to relieve oneself a run for it.

"Bloody hell that was fucking brilliant !"this pissed up tart with DD tits and blonde hair straight out of a spray can who might birth passed for 25 on a dark nighttime where you couldn't see the seam under her eyes cooed as she pressed her teat against me.

Suddenly S Cargo turned to frankfurter, well more like broom handle if I'm honest ‘ suit I wont see twenty again in a hurriedness like either.

"Ohhh you are a big boy,"she cooed as she cupped me balls through me jeans.

"Its now or never,"I thought as I pulled away from her.

"And now the principal event,"I said,"metal drum curl please Karen."

"I'm fucking Elsie you blind twat !"the drummer replied but she started smacking hell out of the membranophone skins all same.

"Go for it ?"Boris asked.

I nodded.

She pulled down her pelt mingy superfluous expectant dungaree and the biggest peal of pinko belly fat you ever did see cascaded down completely hiding what looked like a tiny pair of garden pink panties.

Me ardor was fading. ( Posh argot for me cock was shrinking, fast )

"reefer it anywhere no one will observe !"Boris hissed as I dropped my trouser and pushed her against the bar.

Now any sensible fucker would have rubbered up but I didn't have fourth dimension, and anyway plan A was to frivol away up somewhere under a pealing of flabby under her belly push but wouldn't you know John Thomas went straight for the moist smear. I reckon she must stimulate fancied the blond tart with the DDs Saame as I had.

The flavour of me marginal tittup head on a moist cunt sass is much the same whether its Brianny or Mad Donna or someone what looks like some fuckers grandad and I made the error of shutting me eyes.

Next fucking thing I was going for it. Fucking JT was in. Right up, that fucking flab was subdued as piece of ass and just flowed out the way. She was truly fucked. I was truly fucked.

"Oh god."I moaned but I never had the sense to stop.

"No don't that feels too nice, for piece of ass sake Johnno !"Boris was wailing.

I started going for it, like a fucking terrier against a capital of New Zealand boot, it felt too fucking good. It was all wrong and then the force per unit area release alarm went off in me bollocks.

"Ready or not I'm coming !"I shouted and to a bloody big cheer I shot me load.

"faker !"someone cried.

"He fucking didn't he slimed me !"Boris protested and she showed three of her pudgy fingerbreadth inside her and dragged them out glistening with spunk.

shag applause all troll, fucking ten stone and a bit weakling and a butch les. It must have looked screaming, like one of them little male person wanderer fucking them vast female person black widder spider except I hadn't been ate yet.

"Pay fourth dimension,"I said as John hunt club tried to sneak away.

"carnival do's you earned it,"he laughed and he flashed a wad of notes. I flicked through.

"And the rest,"I said without counting.

He coughed up another ton or so which brought it just over two wonderful which was fair.

"You really would love anything you fucking worm,"Sandra said.

"Fucking pot calling the screwing kettleful,"I said,"At to the lowest degree I get a grand not a half of lager and a few chips."

"Too shay,"she said,"Anyway its rubbers for you now, you don't know where that's been."

"Fucking morning after pill, is the late Nox chemist still open ?"I asked.

"I crumbled two in her vodka and orange,"Sandra said,"someone has to calculate after you."

"I know,"I said,"I am grateful."

"Elsie says if I have IVF and have triplets we can get a 3 bedroom council menage straight away,"Sandra said all innocent like.

"Not that fucking thankful,"I said as Boris decided not to nark trying to hale her belly back in her dungaree but to bewilder the spare part mike up her cunt instead as she launched in to song.

"He's got a Pedo's bullock block in his hand,
He's got his prick and bullock block in his helping hand,"and as she sang,
'' He's got a Pedo's orchis in his hired hand, '' again the the interview joined in with.
"And he'll rip the fuckers off !"

"There ain't no room for Pedo's in this Land,"they continued.

I'd had enough, I felt spue, that was pretty low fucking a ugly dike Les for money, Ok better than sweep up road or collecting tax or walking the streets like a plod but pretty bloody low.

I opened the room access. There were half a dozen uniforms sheltering in the porch.

"Oh its you Allthwaite,"the Police sergeant said knowingly,"Off home plate ?"

"Nah off down the Mosk for Fri Prayers."I corrected him.

"Its Tues,"the Sergeant corrected,"This Gentlemen is your real Black Muslim Gay Lesbian transsexual member of every bloody nonage the home office has ever heard of and plenty to a greater extent beside, arrest him at your peril."

My reputation had preceded me"Box ticking,"I agreed.

"Just fuck off."He said.

So I did, and they arrested some cuss who came out his gaff in his nightshirt to quetch about the row.

Its a funny old world.

And that was me start sapphic experience .