“ The sagacity of SGT. J": A Short Introduction

I would like to thank everyone for your emails thanking me for sharing my life story taradiddle"Swinging in the vicinity"with you all. In telling my story I never thought I would get the reception I did ; especially from fellow vets. It was just not from Vietnam old-timer but from vet who had served recently in Iraq, Afghanistan and some spot I did not even know we were involved.

virtually were thanking me for showing them that there were others like themselves. They thought they alone walked this earth with their demon. They did not make that many of us have been into the darkness. Most had kept their devil hidden from those around them. nigh could only fault the demons on love lost or friends that were no longer friends.

A lot took my advice of talking to a loved one or just talking to a gent vet. They found as I had long ago that talking about your demons that you carry ; lessen the warhead of the spare luggage we returned home with after the war. It always brought a grin to my face and filled my spirit with warmth when they would tell me in their emails.

"Thanks to your storey Sgt. J I am dealing with my demons."“ My wife has noticed I deal with everyday focus better and she now understands why I had bother dealing with them in the beginning place."“ Sgt. J you have shown me there is hope for me after all."“ I have drove two married woman away because of my demons and was about to lose my 3rd, thanks Sgt. J for showing me the way out of the darkness and into my wife ‘ s arms again."Those were just a few bits of the many e-mail I received from you my readers.

I had more than a few vet's wife email me thanking me for finally getting their hubby to distinguish them about the demons they had brought back with them. Their husbands never shared that persona of their spirit with them and after hearing, what some had been through. It gave them an intellect of why that the man they fell in love with was no longer with them.

In almost all the e-mail I received most wanted to be intimate two thing. One was just how that mob of mine is doing. The minute was when you are going to publish again. I had the bread and butter of my family when I wrote my life story as they thought it would be trade good therapy.

I did not screw that I was about to post myself on an emotional roller coaster in written material of my life. I relived every single chapter I wrote. I relived that damn Viet Nam War which I do every day anyways. I felt the pain, the despair of losing loved ones as well as the suffering some endured in my tarradiddle. I even felt each kiss and the diagonal of Carrie's helping hand to my face as I wrote my story.

Due to some recent events in my aliveness, I feel it is my duty to add to my life story. I was not going to do this however, the family I hold dear and near to my warmness encouraged me as well as prodded me to pen once more. The main driving military force has been my lovely daughter Sherri.

"Daddy you have to write about what happened,"Sherri said to me."You owe it not only to your proofreader but to yourself as well,"she added.

I was unsure of whether to indite of the Recent epoch events in my life story. Mainly because the Holocene events had caused me to question myself on most of the decisions, I had made during my life. I agreed to save again but only if my folk would facilitate me with my project.

There will be chapters with them telling of past case they shared or endured with me. I am doing so I can see if my decisions I had chosen in my life were the right single or had I caused more hurt than good. It is not promiscuous to question unity self without knowing just how the soul you may have touched feels as well.

Let me inclose you the quest writers who will be telling their story of my invasion into there lives. I am married to two lovely cleaning lady Kay and Cathy. Kay is my legal wife while Cathy is my given wife as Kay rather gave her to me. Sherri is Kay's daughter who I adopted years ago and she has only ever known me as daddy. To me she will always be my small princess who I love and adore as if she was my own.

Sherri is married to Duke a decorated war warhorse like myself. They have a confection daughter by the epithet of Michelle who is now 11 going on 16. While she calls me"PAPA ”, my family and ally call me John. You my lecturer know me as SGT. J.

Kay, Cathy and Sherri have decided to be our guest author as long as I help them. My granddaughter Michelle will not be writing because as a house we have hidden most from her. She only knows her"PAPA,"has the one who spoils her. Duke is on the fence as of now but he may join us when and if the time is right. His reasoning to me was as postdate :

"I can not speak immorality against one like myself, a army ranger, for we are blood brother. For any who speaks against a Brother or judge his brother, speaks evil against the code and judges the code. For if you judge the code, you are not a doer of the code but a judge."

"There is but one lawgiver and judge, he who is able-bodied to save and to destroy. So who am I to judge you ?

I believe the boy has been hanging around me for too long. If you were a new reader of this report, then you would be doing yourself a favor in reading my other story"Swinging in the Neighborhood"from the outset in decree to empathise me as well as others in my story. There are 31 Chapters to that report so I decided to write a new story entitled,"The judicial decision of Sgt. J."

My story is one of war, romance, sex, painfulness, despair, and of the disaster, my syndicate or I have faced. Mine is a story filled with shade from the past tense as well as an angel that guides my psyche. You may find yourself shaking your head in disgust over a chapter or you may ascertain yourself in crying feeling the emotion as well as the detriment and desperation I type with to you. I pull no clout or whitewash over any event in my life as I write.

For I write the only way I know and that is from my heart. The emotions I feel when I write I try to throw you experience as well. I do this not because I want you to sense my torment, the pain, the hurt someone or I face in my write up. I do it because you must experience it in order to realize it. In doing so, you may find that you even understand yourself a little better. I look in my mirror every day and I see myself. Whom do you see ?

I am not looking for you to feel sorry for me nor do you owe me anything. I do not drop a line out of self-pity for myself. I accepted the bridge player destiny dealt to me when I played carte du jour with him and the stain Grim Reaper during Vietnam. I write this way only because like many other men I live by the code.

"What codification is that ?"You ask.

'' Truth, accolade, braveness and the courage to take natural action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is right and just, ''"To never give up hope,"I say to you as my brim tremble.

I have followed and lived by that code going on 44 years now. Since 1969 back when I was a simple boy from the region fighting in a farming they called Vietnam. I went to that war because a young lady had broken my kernel. I also unknowing broke another girl's heart when I ran off to that damn war.

That daughter name was Carrie I knew not of her tone for me for I was too blind to induce seen them. She had written me letters during my two year in that hellhole. I never read any of them until I was on my way home from my first term of enlistment. If I had only read them before I might not make signed up for the second one. I fell in love with her and wanted to seduce her my wife. However, I was afraid I would only constitute her a widow.

I returned to that dry land they called Vietnam a changed person. My first tour had turned me from a simple boy into a man. Some would even say a deranged man as the fiend within me controlled to the highest degree of my natural action during that time keeping me safe. During my minute go in Vietnam, I was at odds with the monster within me as well as myself. The monster wanted to fiddle war while all I wanted to do was to be home with Carrie in my arms.

With the strait of"CLICK snatch,"my war was over. Four men walked that hobo camp this night only one would take the air out of it. Someone in our scouting patrol had stepped on a mine. Three brave men lost their lives that night while another walked under the hobo camp canopy that night mortally wounded. I should not birth even been able to travel let alone walk. Something inside me took over and I had but one purpose that nighttime which was to make it back house to Carrie.

I awoke some months later from a coma in a hospital in Japan. Carrie was there waiting for me to hark back from the dead. However, I returned a fracture man ; shrapnel littered my chest, my back and legs. The doctors told Carrie and me there was a part of shrapnel near my spine that had caused nearly of the terms. There was also a pocket-size patch near my heart.

"We can not remove the one near his heart and for right now it is causing him no problems and would probably vote out him if we did remove it,"The doctor said."The one at his spine we can hit but there is a chance he would be paralyzed for life in doing so,"he added.

I had him manoeuvre on me not to make me concluded again. I was hoping I would die during this surgical procedure thus joining the souls of the men I lost in Socialist Republic of Vietnam. I wanted my war to be finally over however it was to become only the beginning.

I survived the operation and I would have to witness another way to link up my fallen familiar. I faced a John Roy Major struggle in my recovery. I did not want to dwell and deal with what lies ahead of me which was calendar month of therapy to regain the use of my stage and my arm. If not for Carrie being at my side, I would not be writing this today.

I tried to send her away as I was incertain if I would ever walk again. I became helpless when she was with me. I had her manus me something that I could have easily reached for with my working arm. I tried to win over her I was no longer that man she had fallen in erotic love with years ago.

Carrie would not let me give up on myself or on us. She would move my legs with her handwriting day-by-day bending them at my knees. I only sunk deeper into my own depression as well as into the darkness that surround my soulfulness. That war had given me more than than just my wounds ; it had scarred my nous for life story for I carried daemon with me from that war, creatures that walked in the night.

Carrie went on with doing what she thought was justly moving my ramification daily for the succeeding two hebdomad or so. The future day when she came into my room and started to work out my branch, I by passed my heart and soul as I unleashed the demons I carried in my soul.

"Get your shit fucking hands off my useless legs,"I yelled at her.

"John, don't say stuff like that when you do it means you have given up Leslie Townes Hope,"Carrie replied."Remember this always Saint John,"“ Never give up promise,"Carrie added smiling at me.

"I GAVE up on Leslie Townes Hope after hearing the click piece of cake and it did not adopt my fucking life-time,"I screamed at her like some case of a lunatic.

Carrie looked to me with sadness in her pin-up blue eyes as she said,"If you gave up on hope then you have given up on us as well, John."“ Goodbye Saint John, I am leaving and you will never see me again,"Carrie added as she started out of the infirmary room.

I watched Carrie walking toward the door. Suddenly that vocalism within my head that had guided me through Vietnam. The one I called the monster within spoke loudly in my head.

"SGT. J you stop that girl NOW,"the monster within said.

"CARRIE, please don't leave me alone,"I screamed from my hospital bed.

Carrie walked back to the bed where she stroked her gentle manus against the side of my face as she said,"Hush, still my love or the creatures of the Night will get you."

"I am sorry Carrie, please do not ever result me for I fear being alone,"I replied to her.

"whoremonger, as long as you have hope you are never alone."Carrie said smiling at me.

I looked up into her pin-up dreary eyes. They sparkled and shined as I stared into them. Her eyes took me to our felicitous place by the lake. The place I went to in my mind to be with her during Vietnam.

I stared into her heart as the aristocratic lapping of the Wave against the shoreline filled my ears. I saw the moon dancing across the piddle with to many stars to bet behind it. Carrie was standing there with her blazon out and afford waiting for me to join her as her foresighted blond hair's-breadth blew gently in the night's breeze.

My mind seemed to go blank until I heard the monster with in say,"SGT.J you move your leg now and that is an order of magnitude SGT."

My leg gave a jerk much to Carrie and to my surprise. I should have known better for the monster within was my friend and he had kept me active for the finale three days while in the hobo camp of Viet Nam. He was once again helping me to survive. Carrie wrapped her weapon system around me as I lie in bed. I felt my left arm twitch as if it wanted to hug her back.

Carrie pulled away from me as she said,"See what a little hope can do for you."

It was a farsighted knockout conflict almost two years but with Carrie's helper, a piddling hope and the freak within I walked down the aisle marrying her on June 3, 1974. Carrie finished college earning a doctoral-level degree in psychology. She wrote her term newspaper publisher based on me as she tried to assist me to deal with my Annam memories and the devil I brought back. We even started a little support group where Carrie helped me as well as former Vietnam vets who worked for us to distribute with our problems.

biography was just and Carrie and I enjoyed it to the broad. We had money and a grammatical construction society my uncle had turned over to me. We lived the modus vivendi in which we grew up back in our neighborhood that being swinger. We even turned our little theatre on the lake into a tramp retreat. Life was serious and while I was still having nightmares and flashbacks to that darned war. As long as Carrie was with me, I would survive them.

Then we gave up on swinging deciding it was metre to embark on a family. Vision of having a family with Carrie would always fill up my head when I was doing my job in Vietnam. mentation like those were dangerous for one during war as I found out the hard way. I wanted Carrie as my wife and maybe three or four tyke running around. That was my hopes, my dreams however ; all I got was a incubus that has lasted all these years.

Carrie became meaning near the end of September 1979. She became even more beautiful to me during that fourth dimension. That woman and our unborn child had become the only affair I cared about or ever wanted.

I lost Carrie the adult female I loved with my marrow and soul on May 10, 1980. I never got to hold our unborn daughter Melissa as well. I can not bear reliving that nightmare so if you seek details find them in Chapter 12 of my life story.

My life was over I could not and did not want to go on livelihood. I did what I had done all my life sentence I ran. I sold that business firm on the lake we had called home, as it was no longer like a home to me. We also owed a home in a most by town as I always worried about her being alone during the heavily winters on the lake, which I did not sell, but it sat unused by anyone for many years a leave wintertime home for Carrie and our child to be safe in while I battled wintertime storms coming off the lake in a snowplow truck.

I told everyone I was going to angle my way out to Calif. just to see that sunset Carrie used to enjoin me she enjoyed. That was my cover floor for running away. I took to the feeding bottle, drugs or anything that could subscribe to my pain away. Losing Carrie had taken everything from me, all I had left were the daemon I carried with me. I no longer had any dreams or hopes for a future.

niner or eleven calendar month later, I decided I have had enough. I had just been in a bar fight in which I would have taken another man's life if it was not for the specter of Carrie stopping me. This was not the first off time her ghost had visited me nor would it be her last. I returned to my hotel room with the response to all my problems.

I sat on the bound of the bed as I picked up the 45. I chambered a unit of ammunition before I shoved the barrel into my mouth. My lips tasted freedom as the barrel slipped into my mouth. I closed my eyes as a visual sense filled my head.

The gentle lapping of the lake's water against the shoreline filled my ear. I saw the moon as it danced across the water. The night sky had many whizz shining bright too many for me to count. I saw Carrie standing there with her arms folded shaking her head back and Forth.

She looked like an angel as she stood there at the piddle edge the moonlight silhouetting her. She had a glowing around her and she looked even more beautiful than I remembered her ever looking.

"Put the gun down, john,"Carrie said as she opened her arms for me motioning for me to arrive to her.

I went to her open arms taking her into mine. I hugged her tightly as I said,"It's the simply way to be with you my love."

Carrie pushed me from her weapon as she replied,"John, if you do that I will not await for you."Carrie rubbed her helping hand to the slope of my face as she added,"Always remember whoremonger, to live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."

Carrie started to languish away and before she was gone she said,"Remember John never give up Bob Hope and I will always be here for you just look to your kernel when you need me."

That was the number one time Angel Carrie came into my life. From then on she guided me down the road we call life. I went to rehab and got my life back together. When I hit a gibbosity in the route, I looked to my heart. Angel Carrie was soon there to guide me in the right direction. I asked holy man Carrie once during a dream just what her purpose in guiding me was.

"Others will need you and the code you follow, toilet,"Angel Carrie said smiling at me.

"`` Truth, award, fearlessness and the bravery to strike action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is right and just, ''"To never give up Hope,"those words filled my mind.

Those who have followed my tale know I have followed and used those codes much through my life. Angel Carrie guided me to three lost souls trapped and lost within their own duskiness. They were Kay, her daughter Sherri and Cathy. Really, it was two as to Cathy ; I had driven her into the darkness.

I have followed these codification faithfully for 44 long time never once questioning them or straying from them. In breaking one of my code, I began to query my sound judgement of everything I have done in my liveliness. Had I really helped those around me or have I only caused them more injury ?

'' Truth, laurels, Bravery and the braveness to take action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is right and just, ''"To never give up hope,"those lyric I would say proudly as one of the very first army Ranger.

During my tour in Vietnam, I was with the Long ambit Reconnaissance Patrol ( LRRP ) and Long orbit Patrol ship's company ( also known as Lurps ) which began in the mid-1960s as a reactive requirement to the US ground forces 's want of whole adequate to of reconnaissance behind foeman rail line. On 1 Jan 1969, under the new U.S. USA scrap weapon system Regimental arrangement ( gondola ), these building block turned into ranger in Confederate States of America Viet Nam within the 75th Infantry Regiment ( Ranger ). I was with the 75th during this time so I became a ranger.

Today's rangers earn their title while men like me in Vietnam were given the title. However, we earned ours in combat. Others judged us on and by our actions as well. All of us were willing to give our life's to stop anyone from taking or removing one's freedom. Our actions over in Viet Nam helped to discipline future tense army rangers for today's warfare.

Those Logos do not seem important to me any longer. They used to mean a lot to me especially"Never give up hope."We had added that one when I returned home from Vietnam bringing with me devil from that war. The one I broke is probably the most crucial one to me and one, which has had the most bearing on my aliveness,"Never give up hope."

Those words have echoed in my nous since the day Carrie used them at me in the infirmary after my war was over. She would narrate them to me and fellow Viet Nam veterans back in 74 and 75. During this time, we were trying to aid other veterinary who like me had brought demons family with them from Vietnam. She would always end our get together we held at our little house on the lake with those words. I had always held those tidings close and near to my heart since that night angel Carrie stopped me from pulling the initiation on that 45 in my backtalk.

It was not just one case but also a serial of effect that led to breaking of the computer code. It all started with the Vietnam War, as you will see as the story plays out as I write it. That dam war has been a part or a player in my living for 44 years. I curse it forever happening and myself forever becoming involved with it. That dam war of tenacious ago came back to ghost me worst than it ever had in the past.

I am writing this introduction for the benefit of any new reviewer to my floor. It will give them an mind of what kind of soul I was. For I am no longer certain if maybe those who I have had contact with are estimable off today or not. Thoughts of Kay, Sherri and Cathy fill up my mind as well as ones of my honey Carrie and anyone else I have had contact with might have been dear off if they had never met me. I am here writing this new floor due to the upshot that happened recently in my life that caused to me to go against my codification.

As I type, I am sitting in opinion of myself. My floor does not possess an ending yet as you, the reader will discover the ending as I decide upon it. The outcome leading up to all of this will be Forth coming through the chapters that follow. I will be reliving my life through the oculus of those who lived it with me. I hope that I will see just whether those whose lives I touched are better with me or without me.

I end this introduction to my new chronicle with a quote that I once heard.

There is a saying in Tibetan,"Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength."“ No matter what sort of difficultness, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that 's our actual disaster."
― Dalai Lama XIV

The showtime chapter will be out on Friday good afternoon following this short introduction and others chapters will follow. How many I can not say other than as many as it takes. As always, I look forward to your comments and your email. If nothing else just stop by and assure Sgt. J"hello again."
Sgt. J