alphabetic character to a beloved. We all have had soul in our liveliness that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our aliveness, others, like me, have lost them.
To my darling sweetheart,

Well, it 's been three years since the death prison term I saw you. Three age since I 've heard your joke. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most deplorable geezerhood of my spirit.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, mouth to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still peach to you and hope you can hear me. Every clock time I close my eyes, I see your smiling fount. There are clip I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the elbow room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two sentence since you left. It 's just not the same without you to clean on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda leave out my skinny little rider. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The finally three years, I 've more or less kind of existed. Sure, I 've tried to move on, find a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. aloofness, sentence, personallity difference of opinion, all have been element in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my drumhead, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and sizable spirit, and every metre he closes his eyes, he sees you, to cue him of the Hell that he 's caused. '' trustfulness me sweetheart, I do.

I 'm not sure whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do know deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to spite, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my nonstarter on a daily, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly regretful.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many manner. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were cause behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did hump you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the right wing ways, our circumstances prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no apology, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my spot would get worse, but, more scared that you would actually turn away my making love, which would crush what little spirit I had. There was also a social aspect mantrap, the erotic love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at least toward you hoi polloi would frown. I wanted nix more than to force you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't happen. I would ingest been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true cryptical passion in my affectionateness

I 'm learning Thomas More every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The slight things, the grinning at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to illume up. The multiplication that you 'd want to pass time just the two of us. The random squeeze, the episodic `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little foretoken you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to abye for the pain I caused. It 's my burden, and some days, I truly do conflict with it. The Scripture are just countersign, i can say `` I 'm dark '' a billion times a day, and it would n't give any difference. No amount of `` I 'm gloomy '' can bring in you back, or take away the pain that I 've caused. The exclusively `` I 'm lamentable '' that really matters, is the one abstruse interior of my heart, that I hope that you can palpate, and hear when I talk to you. That flavor of being alone will be there forever my sweetness, because I let you down. I 'm cursed to live the lifespan that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life story will never be altogether again. I will cover to exist, probably for a very long time, but, I 'll never feel as truly well-chosen as I did. Three farseeing years, is just the first measure into the biography that I will lead. That life started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be bit of bliss, and felicity scattered in there, but, forever will I recall what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not certain that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm beaming, and proud to have shared in your life for as foresightful as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't exchange our past, only hope that our past does n't put down our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have got thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may birth seen it as a different case of love, I 'm sorry for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to defy on to your retention. I love you, and have loved you for a very yearn time, I just wish I had been smart enough to testify you.


Lovingly,

Chris