ITommy Ainsgarth gets buggered on t'engine

It were a dark-skinned November night in Yorkshire. Nineteen Thirty something. It weren't raining for once. Nor freezing neither. Nor fog. Lights of Grisegarth signal box on t'London and due north Eastern Railway could be seen for miles.

Passenger train come past, headed for Grimsby, locomotive engine were off shell a bit. It were an old ‘ un built be Beyers at Manchester for Lincolnshire and Yorkshire Railway. Four big drive roulette wheel as big as a man and four little 'uns out front. Over 30 year old, miss metre but nowt they couldn't mek up wi a bit o'speeding a bit over Ellerbeck viaduct and conjugation beyond.

Next along were Immingham goods. On footplate were offspring Tommy Aisgarth. He were real shake, officially like as he were locomotive dry cleaner, but he's done test for fire-eater and it were his first time out firing engine on farsighted trip, He had been on shunting engines many times after having reached eighteen the age for working on locomotive engine footplate, but this were real thing.

Ted Moresely were driving, fat ugly pot bellied fellow, near as fat as he were grandiloquent, too bloody fat to get under engine to oil round proper like.

He were pissed off, he usually drove a big B5 grade loco, built by Saint George Jack Roosevelt Robinson in 1922 but today he had a near new J39, a smaller cheaper locomotive engine built be Herbert Gresley what weren't really up to job so they shortened power train to 40 wagon, 600 tons.

It were maximum load for J39 and Tommy had to work like a trojan, shovelling coal trying to keep up steam. He were sweating buckets, he stripped off his Jacket and then his shirt as he shovelled coal inexpertly into the ravening firebox of the loco. Ted kept the regulator half assailable and the valves in full train to make Tommy sweat. He could consume saved half the ember if he'd pulled up up and opened regulator but he were a sadistic sod.

The banged and crashed up through Grisegarth and past tense Moresby top to breast box, all signaling off and only two moment down with water bobbing in the bottom nut of gauge looking glass, Ted shut governor and shouted for Tommy to put live steam injector on to sate boiler.

locomotive began to pick up stop number, Tommy went to put tea can on firing plate for a brew.

"mickle of time for that lad,"Ted says,"sentence for a bit of fun."

"Fun Ted ?"Tommy asked.

"Fun, get thee pants down I wan't to sodomize thee,"Ted laughed.

"Bloody inferno, bugger me, I mean not bugger me but don't sodomite me like."Tommy blustered.

"flavour lad, on footplate device driver's in charge and I'm driver reet ?"Ted explained,"And I fancies ramming me cock up thee's ass, not that I ent queer nor zippo, just that wanking MEK thee blind and I'd rather spend Johnny Cash on beer than on't ‘ ores.

"I dunno Ted,"Tommy says,"I ent ad a wench let alone be buggered."

"You refusing an order from thee device driver ?"Ted asks,"Sacking offense is that."

"Now hang on !"Tommy proested,"sodomy's bloody illegal !"

"I'll tell they as thee let water down and never looked out for signals, told I to get stuffed and made I shovel coal as thee were too knackered to do on't."Ted warned.

"Thee's a nasty bugger,"says Tommy as train picked up speed down depository financial institution,"But I ‘ ant no pick ‘ as I."

Well loco were blowing off steam and water were coming up in shabu so Tommy opened flak doors to cool off.

"ejaculate on don't bugger about, '' Ted insisted

Reluctantly Tommy undid his belt and slipped his pants down.

Ted smirked"couple thee ego agin the backplate,"he chuckled.

"It's all-fired red hot !"Tommy protested.

"sod, bloody Gresley, bloody GC engines has them lagged,"Ted cursed,"Hang on to damn piss scoop instead.

Tommy stood wi his breeks around his ankle gripping on to body of water scoop wheel while Ted eased hs gallus off of his sholders and dropped his coveralls to reveal a dead fat ugly cock barely poking out as far as his fat gut.

Ted wobbled as he aimed hs tool at Tommy's ass but missed half a dozen multiplication when suddely wallop.

Teds cock pressed an in into Tommy's taut ass hole as the locomotive engine stopped pretty near dead.

There was a fearsome crashing of busted wood and alloy locomotive reared up at back end and Ted and Tommy was flung against the boiler.

Tommy was stunned, he thought it was the daze of his ass hole busting but then Ted was screaming and there was coal off the tender and busted wood all around. Tommy were stunned but he dragged his pants back up and staggered around trying to wee-wee common sense of it.

There were erupt second of carriages all round.

"sodomite me Ted we hit summat !"Tommy says.

"Agghhhhhh !"Ted screamed. Tommy couldn't see Ted.

"What's going off ?"Tommy asked.

"Agghhhhhhh !"Ted screamed again.

Tommy reached for the ardor doorway lever to spread out ‘ em up so as he could see. The lever was jammed but ith the open position. He coldn't understand it so he grabbed the piss gauge lamp.

"Arrrgghhhh !"screamed Ted.

Tommy shone the spark. There were Ted wi his ass speared by the knob on the firebox door lever and all the skin burned off of his bum. Tommy felt grim and wanted to laugh at the same time.

"I go to signal box for rule 55 !"he offered and he jumped down off of engine and headed for box.

Turned out express engne had rolled bad on Muncaster Viaduct and derailed ship's boat, Vacuum brake had stopped it and trade good had run through five sign before hitting express up the ass.

Ted were probably drained afore anyone bohered wi him. His ass were burned right away to the osseous tissue and he rest of him roasted though his boots were O.K. and his cap and pouch watch.

"By eck tha's a favorable chap,"said signalman as Tommy walked up tone to box.

"How d'yuo mean value ?"Tommy asked.

"Walking away from tha'crash,"he replied.

"Aye, hardly a scratch,"Tommy agreed.

"And thee driver ?"signalman asked.

"He was screaming a bit but he shut up now, priority is rule 55 ent it,"Tommy replied.

"Tha'll mek a OK railwayman, have a brewage and go back and if he's dead nick his watch before some early bugger does."

"Tha's a calloused bugger,"Tommy replied.

"Not if driver were one Ted Moresely,"Signalman explained,"Bastard said I put signaling back agin him when he ran right through em, too meddlesome buggering his fireman, has he buggered you an all ?"

Tommy said nowt.

"No sodomist liked him, tight fisted fat lazy SOB,"Signalman moaned.

"Can I use your bog ?"Tommy asked.

"No thee bloody can't,"Signalman said but it were too late Tommy had door open.

Poor Tommy never seen a lad porter in a consistent jacket crown and nowt else except for stockings and suspenders afore. So he fainted.

He was in waiting room at the station when he woke up. Stationmaster were shaking him,"Eh no slacking."

"I just had a flush,"Tommy explained.

"What, wi Doris from refreshment elbow room ?"examiner asked.

"Nay we run into ass of Passenger."Tommy says.

"Well go and assuage rider fireman, he banged his head, they're going on wi half train."he explained.

Tommy climbed onto rider engine, Sid Hancock were driver.

"Eye up thee all reet lad ?"he asked.

"Aye, Bloody Ted tried to bugger I and ne'er kept a spirit out,"Tommy says.

"Shoud have waited ‘ till lodge at Immingham,"he laughed,"Still stick wi I and I'll see thee right."

Tommy had no fuss wi engine and Sid took him to lodge,"We usually shares two-fold bed dryer and fireman together,"says number one wood,"But I pays extra."

"What for a single room ?"asks Tommy.

"Nay lad for a woman of the street,"he laughed.

Poor Tommy, he had to kip on floor. Landlady showed them to room. She were a widder, maybe forty class old, fat as a pig, then instead of buggering off while they turned in she stripped off and led on bed while Sid shagged her.

"You want a poke lad, I paid her for all night ?"Sid asked.

"No thanks,"says Tommy.

"aspect why be a Ribes uva-crispa, sod off and keep our Dolores company why don't you ?"Landlady suggested.

Dolores were Landladies daugher, she were at Grimsby college learning hospitality.

Her boob were straining the seam on her cardigan, her back talk were like deep red, her centre were like, well eyes, one were puritanic and the other weren't, her hair was virtuous gold wi opprobrious roots, her thighs were summat else and her typeface, had all the right bite and well thee don't have to take care at it when you're close up do thee.

"I'm doll,"says Dolores.

"Hello doll,"says Tommy.

"Comedian eh ?"she says.

"Nay fire-eater,"says Tommy.

"Got a girlfriend ?"says Dolly.

"Nay,"says Tommy.

"Been buggered ?"she asked.

"No !"says he.

"Good, I'm doing Hospitality degree,"says Dolly,"Maybe you can help me wi me homework ?"

"I don't know,"says Tommy.

"I got test on calendar week after next and I still ‘ ant sucked a fella off yet,"

"What ?"Tommy demanded.

"I wants to be a Hoo er and you has to be certified to want to be a hoo er,"she said,"Least aways that's what me da says."

"Bin Fucked ?"Tommy asked.

"No that's final term,"doll explained.

"All reet, I lend thee me cock for setback job,"Tommy says as he dropped his breeches.

"Ooooh its so big !"Dolly says."They told me to say that no affair how big it is,"she admitted.

"Belt up and enfold thee laughing fishing rig round it,"Tommy says all manly like.

"Not if you're going to be ill-bred,"Dolly says as she grasped his peter firmly.

"Oh fucking !"says Tommy as he shot his load, luckily it missed her attire and cardigan and splattered onto her neck.

"You're ass useless,"she opined. poor people Tommy. He ended up kipping in corridor.

Next day Tommy had to go menage be way of Doncaster on accounting of stemma being blocked and he had to describe to shedmaster to explicate why he hadn't kept a proper spirit out.

"I had trouble wi injector see,"he explained,"These Gresley engines are rubbish."

"And thee driver ?"he asked. Now Tommy weren't sort of bloke to dob any sodomist in so he says,"Having a shit on me shovel while I worked on injector."

"Trying to bugger thee more like,"Inspector replied,"Ah well he won't be buggering any bugger any fourth dimension soon, all cutis burned off his ass and that firebox door handle."

"Went up his ass,"Tommy said all barren like.

"Did it heck as like,"said inspector,"It went in all reet but it missed his ass yap, fact is he got two ass gob now."

"No, you're joking !"Tommy gasped.

"nookie surgeon at Railway Hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into secondment ass pickle,"the inspector laughed,"He told Ted he coud have new career in genus Circus as the man we two fanny !"

"Bloody pit,"says Tommy,"I suppose he would rather have two hammer ?"he suggested.

"Not that bugger !"inspector added.

Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster works, he saw engine with autobus connexion on Tender,"What's that for ?"he asked.

"So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he's parched,"Inspector told him.

As lick would have it Ted got septicaemia and died, poor sod ‘ adn't no one, no family or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the union paid for mortician and for the proficient second hand coffin cat's-paw brokers had in stock out of appendage subs.

Funeral day and four blokes took some fucking and made sure the lid wasn't coming off any time soon before they carried it in to church and set the casket down, then when service started. priest asked Tommy to say a few words, being as he was Ted's finis mate.

"I couldn't stick Ted. Ted were an ugly fat lazy bugger, a bloody liar and a make mate. He neber oiled his engine proper nor nothin'He died ‘ cause he neglected his dooty to kip a look out. I remember him when we had crash"Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh,"he said wi'his pant down and his ass jammed on firehole door lever knob."A great belly express joy came from the half dozen or so blokes what botheredbto turn up."I never liked him, no one I know liked him, and I'm bloody glad he's dead."

"Amen !"said someone,"Amen, well said lad !"and they all clapped.

Afterwards Vicar had a still Word of God wi Tommy,"I knows we says to always be honest,"Vicar said,"But in twenty yr I never heard such an fair pean spoken."

Tommy hadn't the slightest estimate what he were on about. But when he got older he realised one thing, when it comes to buggery its honorable to give than receive.

And Dolly ? She failed the exams and had to move to London as they has depleted standards for Hoo ers than us do in Yorkshire .