`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding eminent above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge floor, '' a cleaning woman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the cap downstairs it really is not sound enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' Well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no toll or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the reference, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather to a greater extent than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this evening, that should give you clock time for shower bath and a cheese burger. ``

'' That 's rush 60 minutes ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving John Griffith Chaney darling, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have practically alternative really, so I thew my tools in the old transportation at knocking off time and headed round mums for a raciness to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 East bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her seat around ten to seven, an old fashioned townspeople house with a few stair up to the front door and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bathe stone faced to first floor point then provide, a red brick body structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're too soon, '' she said censoriously as she opened the figurehead door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked late thirty-something acted like ninety, too big for one's breeches bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` Mistress, '' a girl 's vocalism trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the fair sex insisted.

'' But mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maiden turnout about four size of it too minor, her breasts swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel point which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry schoolmistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the stave. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up up and smell the deep brown, '' she insisted, `` Really the lowly mindedness of the typical British worker never fails to amaze me. ``

'' None of my business concern Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that schoolma'am. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the exterior door behind me, `` But we are not here to talk over my sexual druthers, nor yours for that subject. ``

She led me through to the couch, strangely the flooring was as I left it, sealed lingua and groove loot true pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a impregnable odour of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the cellar ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` making water, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water leakage, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it reek of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had improve see the cellar, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stair from the roomy modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store elbow room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not H2O, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low ceiling and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the back up drainage, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal, total upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the problem. ``

'' schoolma'am ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man Mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her best but her teat still bulged from her top and at least the prat couple of inches of her pussy were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupe child, '' she insisted.

I had no theme what was about to pass off when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polish up floor.

'' Bleedin'inferno ! '' I swore, `` No unsaved wonder it wetting and stinks, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas potty, Armitage product and all that ? ''

'' And in your minor mind human beings have you no cognition of body of water mutant ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water skiing, but not pissing on the support room floor. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some quad,

'' semen Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a full-of-the-moon grown hare. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you intend Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a skillful rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob big H if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, lamb to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully lilliputian fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing floors ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection Whitney Moore Young Jr. man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of course I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' XC seven per centum of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a nonage fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the selection I would prefer the old Thomas commode urinal to the living elbow room base any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her back talk, my oral cavity, in my hair, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a persuasion, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mode takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep chamber batch under the bed when my rattling dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the thought of your urine arcing through the air to soak my wearing apparel, my brassiere, my knocker, does that not energise you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your brim are mute yet your hammer speaks volumes, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't wish cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor people little girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I pudden-head, which is why I keep Pippa on a short leash, from her revealing wearable to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all purpose and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walks in the parkland, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the poop Georgia home boy. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the washstand, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a squawk. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my jeans, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` please ! ``

'' facial expression, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic activity not readily mistaken for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' look, '' I said, `` You need coats and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in mind when you had the place done, I just subbed on the story. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a trifle, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you liable. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How a good deal ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coat, '' I said, `` twenty four 60 minutes to dry between, its laughable ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasoline, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouth, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper in-between socio-economic class squawk, who would n't need to piss in her look ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining shaft oceanic abyss in her sweet pink pussy.

'' I do n't know, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like cock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers turncock, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a balmy patch for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a flexible prick on every ace level.

'' If we do this, like we need the wholly room bare, no furniture, it will be about a hebdomad after the last coat before you can lay on the line using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the flooring like a shower, tile the wall a bit too, not White but maybe slate grey or something, then you can take on there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary meter and for those awful wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to take out the existing, reefer in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a lump parkland, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two twenty-four hour period, then you 'll need a pipe fitter to do the shower top dog or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the final quotation and I am sure we have a hand. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed pussy while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed deep red, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front threshold, `` The Tradesman 's entrance is down the stair to the right, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' dependable night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a complaint into two solar day paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to hear about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody deviant !

To be continued