I arrived at Allerton residence hall unannounced, dressed in the classic style of a shoot down Gentleman while riding in a tolerably chic carriage pulled by a matched pair of Greys, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my Friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Samuel Butler rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His good will is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as haughty manner as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the Lady Catherine of Aragon ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the lash and Forth River we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to keep possession of my ridiculously marvelous hat..

'' I could get a tasting for this John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that present moment we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` comfortably than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as rubber with your driving, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed places and also changed coating and lid and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething pot of human race confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a roulette wheel there should birth been slaughter for we should never ingest stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a dangling in Bodmin in Aug, for a smashing wooden stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes church the unanimous food market square was packed with all socio-economic class and upon that stage a serving wench was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her gown or shift ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her disguised leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to debar his blows by turning away he struck her shapely exposed boob and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hired man were manacled and uselessly chained together and the mountain range tied to a high beam high above her head which served to sustain her so she could do goose egg but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist irons from which a trail of rake seeped already.

The gang were spellbound and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public slaughter was the height of their season, and all course of study were demo, merchandiser and peasants, worker and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating room set up for the use, the Lord Graham, his son, by his side and the Lady Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the horses and walk back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T bit and tethered the team outside the Dragon Inn.

The maiden was nada but a limp and bloodied mess when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin Grant the justice of the Trentham assizes was mounting the stair to the level, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to practice the law in its full force, and here you see I shirked not my duty, and I commend and command that three months hence you shall assemble again to find the penalisation I laid down. ``

He paused for breathing place, `` eminence well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the wench transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen punishment ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmur, `` Have you seen that I jurist Grant am a man of my word and all are equal in my lawcourt, that the lowest maid and highest noblewoman can expect par of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a murmur of approving. `` That the noblewoman Catherine received no predilection when she abused her trust and stole a fallal, as she called it, one that should cost a retainer five class labour ? ``

It hit me like a sledge hammer, the serving wench was the Lady Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six calendar month has she toiled in the fields and six more shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she confess as you all heard, but she will not take on her guilt, will not confess, will not apologise and without contriteness there can be no mildness, no easy life as a menage servant so shall she continue as the lowest farm girl until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her father to disinherit, I suggest she may induce found the antipode preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` Thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine II ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The little girl you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ear and eyes, `` That 's Catherine II. ``

The electric shock of seeing Catherine II was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce think it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, nasty bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her tomentum was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally blood-red and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the ropes were cut and she fell and sprawled in the grease so her shift key fell away revealing an iron chastity belt.

A great jape arose and jarred Catherine from her sandbag immobility and she grabbed her snap smock around her, dire to carry on the modesty that in truth was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her tears had run dry until just the tear raceway remained in the grease of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't jest, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really prissy. ``

I realised she had an Fe arrest around her neck and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a dung cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' uncovering Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a tardily and painful process, but by and by we made advance until at length the rube riding the cart saw we were no threat to them and pulled Catherine aboard so the Ox could move at its best pace which in all honesty was no secure than when Catherine had been staggering behind.

Its terminus was his Lordships piggery, set away from the main house and farm because of the smelling it was a low stone built edifice with a stone tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and dirty word lived his lordship 's hog, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine II chained as she was to an iron in the wall which I noted his Lordship broker fastened her mountain chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your pastime here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most peculiar as to why the dame Catherine is so handle. ``

'' She 's no gentlewoman ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the quietus, '' he said and he tore away the hold up of her clothes leaving her raw, `` She 'll get plenty of slop come first light and she can enjoy a life sentence of rest, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is common soldier farming. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` near certainly, estimable day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` set down me at my father 's and take the baby buggy. ''

I directed him the way to my Father-God modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and pasture my sire pretended to the universe that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a time in my young person when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` John, '' he said, `` You are the erstwhile son of a indorsement son, you have a good name but no fortune, so my son it is for you to create your own fortune, shall you join the reserves, the Admiralty, the Christian church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And conjoin a princess ? ``

'' No the Lady Catherine. '' I said proudly, though in truth at that metre I had barely exchange two dozen words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a cerebration ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to launch pureness of the precious metallic element with an eye to seeking atomic number 79 prospecting and so by academic degree my education progressed until with a loan from Father that he could ill afford I bought passage to Mexico.

I had a last summer at home base, a legal brief spell of terpsichore and fetes, and I saw the noblewoman Catherine II often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a full-bodied suitor to woo her, but for the while my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to realize a circumstances in the New World and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not intend to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not perturb Catherine of Aragon, you amuse her, but she has but a curtly season, you do empathize ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for United Mexican States but sea illness afflicted me and it was a keen relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new public that I made my fortune.

Thus it was with soft disinterest that father watched Barrington drive the pram up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to regard its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as sign that it was as a mere passenger in a hire impartation rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was mother that rushed to greet me, `` Saint John the Apostle where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your portion ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a destiny of a thousand Egyptian pound and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my bags from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the U.S.A. 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to United Mexican States from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under Captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the open Ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea unwellness, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for mend zip would have me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' founding father replied, `` Did I not tell you that as the sometime son of a back son, you have a good name but no fortune, and to create your own luck by joining the Militia, the Admiralty, the church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes founder, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an venturer and travel the world in hunt of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a majuscule shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well Father I worked the wheal Claire mine, senior pilot Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead seams and gave charge, just above the piss he said, and there it was a slender seam and I started on my own with a deal axe and a bundle of candles, and I recognised the silver gray posture ore and mash my own rock 'n' roll by standard candle light, and made my own window pane using my pedagogy to the full and dissolved the silver from the crushed rock candy and cast my own silver metal bar, but the venous blood vessel was not blanket, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch one-armed bandit in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a grin, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver seam clean as late as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our hoarded wealth to Truro piece by piece moulded and cast into ingots and had it 's whiteness confirmed and marked to turn out it was indeed smooth-spoken and as an aside we made rings and trinkets by selective molding and we travelled the jewellers selling trinkets rings and small-arm of silver and with the payoff I paid for the mine, and then we showed portions of it to selected men of wealth saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the vein any further and I sold percentage until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my first ring to Lady Catherine, I had its pureness checked and hallmarked by Truro assay office and I sent it anonymously but within the inner circle I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should have intercourse she was in my thinking always.

'' A fag story, '' begetter averred, `` but come in and have an extra billet set at dinner mother. ``

'' What happened to Lady Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a halo, '' begetter said, `` A gewgaw from ma'am Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a firm silver mob, '' Mother said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to remember you thought to espouse her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would induce forgotten the unhurt matter of Catherine would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a pother, '' mother said, `` All Society attended, the judge, jurist concession, insisted that the law were carry on for her as for the last-place parliamentary procedure and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her titles and whipped four times at equinoxes or the skinny Saturday thereto and should service as Lady fowler 's handmaiden for a yr and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a field ! '' father added, `` So the Judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the time is to tend hogs, '' female parent squealed.

'' And his gracility passed a musical note to the Judge. '' Father added.

'' And the justice ordered her to wear off an iron virtue belt ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Fatherhood took up the tale, `` They dragged her to the cellular telephone, it was pitiable, she came with her father and mother and sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his saving grace paid for a leg to be built beside the Red Lion and promised fee ale and had the Judge bring her to the lame on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hands and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift, tearing her attire right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were free and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an iron choker around her neck like any rough-cut crook and hung it from a light beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a valuable ring, antique silver, and the hangman took up the lash and was merciless, left and right in alternate strokes, first he bared her bottom so we could see the belt and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed pipeline into it, an column inch apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her figurehead. ``

'' Her white meat ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her teats, criss cross hither and thither her ams were shackled command overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lashes and all she could say was'I 'm innocent .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' begetter said memory, `` So they revived her with throwing water at her from chamber pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's sludge spreading drag up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a paper from a pistol, of course being a finely peeress, ''

female parent returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobbles and she kind of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all variety of crud at her. ``

'' They put a carrier bag around her to hide her desolation, '' beginner added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and live with the pigs, she measures out their swill, some say she shares it because they do n't prey her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' Mother said, `` The yokels used to like to torment her but they do n't see the head anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Wells Beadle has her route mending though, '' forefather added, `` rock breaking, which is serviceman work really but the judge agreed it was middling. ``

'' To think you wanted to hold your hat up to a rough-cut criminal, she 'll have to become a servant or marry a chawbacon, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' Father said because he knew of such affair being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right field. '' mother insisted, `` The fowler 's would consume no pauperism of her dowry. ``

I knew something was wrong, but what ?

'' Oh of path she 's been whipped since then, '' female parent said, `` It did n't appear right when they brought her into the square behind the droppings handcart on mid summers day and the feeling was something awful, so last hebdomad they found her apparel from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Father said, `` Like a bad gambling, a filthy yokel in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls spare carriage, but the lower edict loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a fine lady that the lower lodge may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the tinker's damn when they bared her mammilla, '' Mother added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily white-hot where the dirt flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way family ? '' Father asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had stage business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' well you are a very lucky boy, '' female parent opined, '' Why had you the money to match your infatuation you may sustain wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' Father-God explained, `` A thousand guineas, eh, edulcorate the pill eh ! all her requirement and haughtiness, I remember when she was Whitney Moore Young Jr. you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courageousness to speak to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' Mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a bum is cleaner and less pathological. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my exploit wearing apparel and borrowed father 's sawhorse for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode past slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice break of the day, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is decent about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh breeze, pretty girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get idea, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her chastity bash, `` Or that because I have astute teeth and a inviolable chomp. ''

'' A candy kiss then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill sack for a smock but it was loose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not escape you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a center pie, and for that I shall leave that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp teeth and pointed elbow joint. ``

'' Then a essence pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you accompany me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her manacle ankle to the sty wall, `` I am afraid I am indisposed. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I know you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine of Aragon, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a retiring animation, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my firmly labour had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An admirer, and a nitty-gritty pie you shall have got, '' I promised, `` And a jam working girl if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pie ? '' she asked, `` Pies not promise will win my affection. ``

I went away in search of pies, I bought a slice at the Red Lion and a jam tart and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the center pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so adept, warm up food for thought. '' she said and when I gave her the whore she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire more then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the sweet piddle from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my mammilla ? '' she asked, `` As the hick do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her bosom and bent grass my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh delight do not frustrate me with gentle kisses take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` Bite me hurt me but do not love me for I can not bear it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me assuage you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my mouth. '' she said and I kissed her entire on the lips and she recoiled, `` No your fellow member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not bite. ``
I undid my knickerbockers feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for second how her passage might be, all aureate fur and prevision beneath the smoothing iron straps and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her Chin and nose and palpebra, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my hired man kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her boldness, `` You should have allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a recollective passionate buss and you shall have a volaille leg and apple pie next clock time crack. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to breastfeed you, for a pie, if you delight ? ``

I left her to her labour, except I had a question, `` Why did you steal the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great catch, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your working class ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is 20 lashes, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your father ! '' I announced.

'' You are barbarous with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's swill than last your caller and eat PIE and fancy woman, chocolate even. ``

'' fare well then my stunner, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this time, all dressed like a Gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your pardon sir but whom should I enjoin his Grace for I can not recollect your name. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old jester was too imprint by my attire to agnise who I was and invited me to hold off in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom draw a blank a face.

'' Indeed your goodwill. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed adventurer who sought riches in the Americas and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a suit of clothes and a knight in any example. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her interests me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrow than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, offering marriage perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a horse and no fortune, indeed you should be a perfect match, go to her, woo her fornicate should bid, I shall line up the key to her chastity belt, if you have a Somalian shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pockets, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your spunk content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the thing of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a dandy warmheartedness for Catherine and would wish well to get her sinlessness proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for halo, '' he explained, `` It brought her downfall, an antique of the thirteenth century by its marks I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you consort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to allow for, and to my surprise as he left the elbow room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite foreign, indeed very strange to be given a free paw with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the light was fading I went to see her instantly, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a Logos to Father or female parent but following day I bought roast Gallus gallus leg, and an apple pie and some special burnt umber with soft centres containing okay wine which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a knight blanket.

'' She is keeping it safety for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several metre across the berm with a boisterous branch he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to make yourself hardly, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of wimp, '' she smiled, `` Tell me are you John, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the volaille to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the chicken leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her sexual morality belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your Church Father sold it for a Ugandan shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall find a diffused bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not desire me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you stand firm me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was old-timer, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can say from the German mark when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the business firm but sought instead the evaluator Grant. He knew of my Church Father and so he allowed me an audience for ten min as he was very busy, yet he called his man to cancel his naming when I explained the site and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the provenience, the check from the Jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to nobleman and Lady Gower produced a criminal record that the annulus was resized some twelvemonth ago for ma'am Fowler 's ascendent, '' the Judge remembered, `` And he read the assay mug with a spy glass and indeed gave a precise engagement of manufacture some one C of years prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay postage do n't commit the 100 merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or 16th 100 from the manner, but not from the marks sir. ``

'' You have sowed a source of dubiousness Mr Matson, '' The justice agreed, `` A seeded player no Sir Thomas More, but I shall work enquiries, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went home. Father was in an tetchy mood, and after dinner party he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will follow up on you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth part of a fortune to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and more, a hundred pounds, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis good to try John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver block of metal from my way, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine the Great again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to read advantage and her cover was stolen so I found her a mantle and a hot meal, and I worried that the winter weather condition might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't John, '' she said as I sought to buss her, `` My mouth is foul with the pigman emissions. ``

'' Poor poor Catherine the Great, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` arrogate me as your own. ``

'' call you ? '' I asked.

'' strike away the Fe, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are essay innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the beginning to you by messenger, I engraved With my Love JM inside it, just a simpleton trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a hunky-dory antique doughnut and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her center welled with weeping, `` So please never speak of doughnut again. ``

I told her something about my portion which I admitted to being in surfeit of two hundred pound, after the refund of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not love finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly whiten, `` I am so distressing, I presume too often. ``

'' testament you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig muck but delight say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes broad of tears and incongruous in her dirty word, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can love me then that is my doting regard. ''

I went abode with the failing light leaving her to gather sufficient pig around her to keep her warm through the long cold night.

'' His Honour justice Cary Grant wishes to see you John, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the greatest urgency. ``

I went to his Chambers with the greatest velocity and once there I was at once ushered into his comportment, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The gang, I do think young Fowler may feature given it to Miss Maisey cuss, Theodore Fellows gal, the merchant do you love. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make question sir, when my decisions are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr buster and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall meet at Mr George IV Ratner 's emporium, a short paseo away, '' he ordered, `` Ten sharp intellect. ``

I went directly to the George V Inn where I put up and in the dawn, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a snow flurry of activeness I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the punt room, '' he ordered, `` And hear. ``

Miss Fellows was a striking Young woman, she strode into the shop class on Haven Street accompanied by her maidservant and her Mother, `` How daring you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this evening. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your hoop, '' he said, `` antique silver, very rare, ''

'' A present from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester cathedral. '' the justice said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may possess been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowery Miss Fellows the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand Irish pound or in that region, '' the female parent explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turns they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all ring looked much the like but this was little dissimilar to those Barrington and I had cast at weal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the methamphetamine and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did calculate very familiar, and champaign, I expected a dazzling regalia of diamonds but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, Charles Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester gang. '' before I could garner my thoughts.

The evaluator gave Miss Fellows a receipt for the ring and asked that he might consultation Mr Henry Watson Fowler later, and so it was that with the fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the presence of the Judge he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the notch along the underside line, I have stared at that enough clip. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what mental ability ? ``

'' mineworker, extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own halo I said, `` See here, a mob I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the closed chain again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro Assay office postage, and that is no antique, indeed the two rings could have come from the same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my love HM, the HM is still visible the rest period gone where the mob was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the handmaid quarters at the emporium, the Judge, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the Fellows'abode and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the sign when the judge approached him, `` Mr Fowler, I have to question you about an antique silver ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the ring from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall audience her, come. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went dwelling and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad companionship and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a goodly number of people were already there and I became aware that the court was rapidly pick, the senior Mr Henry Watson Fowler father of Francis Henry Watson Fowler was in the nates behind me looking inexorable and at once angry and worried, and then when I was seated for a half hour the judge clerk ordered `` All Rise, '' and the Judge appeared.

'' If it pleases the first type is Rex versus Fowler. bearing false witness. '' the clerk announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your adoration, '' an peanut short lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me add Franics toilet Hunstanton Fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the prison cell escorted by militia the judge wasted no clock time, `` Where did you obtain this ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I mobilise Miss comrade to attest you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us squall Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the attorney complained.

'' secrecy ! '' the judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting elbow room, `` So where did you find this old-timer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dear Francis for his beloved. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine stole ? '' the evaluator asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explicate the Truro oh four Assay gull. '' the Judge asked.

'' My Lord, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient Assay office and one can not evidence in which century a while was marked, merely the year from cipher to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The justice replied, `` And when did the Truro billet cease to stump with the Cornwallis pestle and begin to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you edify us, '' the justice asked.

'' Some ten geezerhood ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Henry Watson Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an outmoded gang and lied also that Lady Catherine the Great stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the judge ordered, `` I order that Francis bathroom Hunstanton Fowler and madam Hermione Desdemona George Herman Ruth fowler be detained securely until this Fri workweek when they shall be tried for bearing false witness, and that Miss Catherine formerly Lady Catherine the Great Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on charges of theft also on Friday, I shall receive covering for bail for both matters in my bedroom after this hearing.

I slumped in my seat, the business of the trial of Manningham, Lord Lady Jane Grey 's Gamekeeper for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the theft of a buck which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the evaluator retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine the Great, `` How much do you offer ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty dago here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will answer, '' he said, `` I shall send word, but she will need clothing so spend your ten French Guinea wisely. ``

I had little time so I a few servants smocks were all I could hold, and I was at Trentham jailhouse when the Militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand bail '' I announced and when I paid the bail the safety released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean smock, `` And where shall you call for me ? ``

'' home plate ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then fill me to soap and water. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwished-for in any shop so I purchased such for her and a hair's-breadth comb and soft leather slipper then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge deck where the road crossed the Trentham river on numerous small low archway and after tethering the horse cavalry she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her smock she slipped into the breast deep crystal clear water.

She stooped with water up to her shoulders soaping herself and washing herself and the glorious pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coating of vulgarism and she stood proud and firm bodied with not an ounce of free fat, her udders sweeping from her tit like as pure perfection, just the crisscross of the whiplash trails to plague her as the filth slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the sight of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed exemption then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her longsighted yellow drinking straw like hair like a naughty retriever dog, and yet with rich use of the soap slowly did her hair regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the nosepiece parapet curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the water and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and more of splattering and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new duster and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall adopt you house, '' I said, `` Your father will be concerned. ``

'' liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a stick house but when questions were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as master and handmaiden, and as was the recitation I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the retainer that evening and when I retired following a good-time but serious evening with some travelling salesmen and merchant I found her ready in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the notion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the dayspring, and woke me with a kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmness aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with particular upkeep I explored where the chastity swath had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and release me from your hold. ``

I took hold of her and pried her wooden leg wide and after exploring her softness with my finger's breadth eased the diffused sheepfold asunder and eased the purple school principal of my humanity into her diffused wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degrees and through her torment which she staunchly repressed so stern inch by quarter inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and slopped, and to her alarm I emitted within her promptly with all the dominance of abstinence and then did I insist on kissing her with passion until my potency returned and I entreated her to take into account me to delight her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a British shilling, and many more Tanzanian shilling for soap, I do believe you owe me the courtesy of allowing my attentions a few more times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The introduction, it distresses me greatly though I try to suppress my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good authority that the nuisance subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should expect a good few intromission before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that immunity was sleeveless and pressed home my manhood against her, and when pressed her softness parted like the flower petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her lenient folds enveloped and swallowed him until the formal beneath were tickled by her pocket-sized hairs around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a high-pitched plane of nirvana entirely as she began to moan but with pleasance and not ail, `` I do believe you may be decently, '' she whispered, `` Now concede your making love and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than passion and in a while her cacoethes overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted ample amounts seeded player within her to quench her intimate fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you revel being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't jest. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any shell you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our buy with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our union but the promise of two hundred hammering changed his creative thinker, but the Earl was more bunglesome, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our interview and struck a bargain with the housekeeper and I took away all the dame Catherine 's clothes for the sum of xv Somalian shilling !

The Reverent Pearl Bailey agreed to marry us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham court of assize and nisi prius in the royal court house.

Catherine the Great chose to wear her red velvet dress with white detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should have been, to the impact and consternation of the yokels clustered around the court of law who expected her to be near naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the world seats and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The proceeding were over in the blink of an eye.

'' The suit of Catherine of Aragon, formerly noblewoman Catherine Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a caseful for the prosecution. '' the Judge demanded of a little lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a simple-minded mistake, and I 'm sure enough Mre colleague and Mr Francis Fellows would magnanimously forgive the young woman and release her from her condemnation. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then call Mr John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the witness box as Mrs Henry Watson Fowler stepped down.

'' Your doughnut, Mr Matson, please tell the lawcourt where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the truth to tell, `` The one on your finger's breadth. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' show me, '' The Judge insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very much like the Fowler one, did you constitute that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for gentlewoman Catherine of Aragon, it was engraved `` With my love HM, but the dustup have been worn off to entrust but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The evaluator asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the evaluator insisted, `` It is clear the ringing is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine, Lady Catherine your judgment of conviction is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a belated day of the month perhaps you may leave the courtroom with no stain upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my pusher, Barrington had offered his serve once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classic style of a landed Gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs Price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably bright pram pulled by a matched pair of Greys,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in excitement crying `` Are you expected sir, only His grace. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apologia, '' she snapped.

'' reckon just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her Fatherhood came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never verbalise again. ``

'' But you allowed our conjugation ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a fair price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not receive you or her, ''

She set her face like gem and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made provisional enquiries and when Catherine approved I bought the manor house called Boulby Manor for a regular song as it was in an unfashionable style, and the trustees of the late Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday test, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the mildness of the justice so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must represent the time which their perjurious statement brought down on the innocent, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two one C lashes and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall endure one hundred lashes at solstice and equinox and shall serve Lady Catherine of Aragon who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capability she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The time and date were set, snow snow flurry set the mart place Elwyn Brooks White like fairyland and made the point slippery and the hangman stood as lash man again.

They led the Mother in for the first time, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the pace to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her grave winter robe with her script manacled but as soon as she was under the shaft they hauled her hands above her head, and tore her ness off her.

'' That was the worst bit John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no theme, no estimation at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is secret, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whiplash and when peeress Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tore away her dress but he struggled and then it was away and mere under things covered her and then with rendings and lacrimation her tore her to nakedness. not even a virtue belt protected her modesty, as the bankroll of fat and lushness were laid bare.

She stood in blind terror and all was not well with the whipping as her piano figure rip almost the low blow.

There was consternation, and the Judge Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My noblewoman, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your heart to permute the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My married man and I shall adminiser the nose candy at a suitable rate nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my pigs as I should hate for him to take back from the antipode with a lot. ``

'' A wise and compassionate idea, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a spirit of compassion lady Catherine has agreed that the lashes shall be applied at her home and in plus has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared conveyance and instead lashed in the berth of his aforesaid female parent and consigned to process the grunter. ``

The female parent was thus cut down and the Fowler son in turning brought up, the yokels lost interest but the maids became interest in their spell as his crownwork and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the radio beam by a rope round his manacled hands, and then his breeches were hauled down and the outset reversal was administered across his left berm and then a 2d across his right shoulder, and he bore it stoically while ten or Sir Thomas More setback were landed and then in the manner of such people he began to bump down, but it was not until after the first twenty black eye were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a dry pint of ale that the amah had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's bottom that the titter of laughter for as the blow landed so his humanness found the gap in his under knickerbockers and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both abruptly and fat it caused vast gaiety, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the setback continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' Look, ! '' was the yell, taken up around the lame, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a unholy sense of mischievousness the whips-man flashed the whiplash between Fowlers ramification and abstruse into his pubic region and all at once his manhood became invigorate and spewed Forth River such a disgusting grey kernel, like three day old Milk River, that stout woman fainted.

'' To mean I might have married that ? '' Catherine the Great gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling knees and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away mindless to the Gaol to recover before a further session a week hence.

Catherine the Great and I stepped down among the number 1 and we travelled domicile by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to incur permanent employ with us and we joked about fowler but Catherine was despondent although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still dysphoric and I asked about it.

'' I want forefather and Mother at my hymeneals, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never bear