Nozzer's low Gay sex.

It's humour not hard sum.

We was down the Flying sawbuck sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the equal looking for a few away supporters to cue them that their squad may be skilful at kicking balls but we was considerably at kicking bollock if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on manakin. He kept gasping for breather and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Frank Philip Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a round in, It was getting late, folk was leaving."bread and butter the change,"I says.

"What variety you owe another ten pound fifty,"the know it all manager shouts earning himself a honorable kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us tabular array with nine pint and a packet of pork barrel scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to scud her titmouse, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her segmentation, could sustain seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after lads ?"she says,"Only we thought about a ringlet in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me whisker maybe, and there's summat good on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat good with lx bloody channels,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just bury them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to loosen it up."Mikey suggested.

"Needs summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't hold his beer. Ten pints was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the road when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how faggot started,"I said,"Some poor asshole couldn't shit so his better half buggered him to loosen it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the waiting area bar where respective sharply dressed bloke was sat round. I knew one of them, prick"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Methedrine,"Nozzer said through a fog of booze smoke,"Anything."

I went into the sofa, They was all there, gay as screwing, all sharp suits and that. One had a wearing apparel on. Lovely tincture of pink, pity he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my married person fondness you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, Vice pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit at large tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly pecker up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"Well it used to be remember ?"I said,"When you used to get a hard on in the rain shower ?"

"Oh,"he said,"Well what did you expect all those slippery well toned masculine consistence just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your side or at least having a trial,"I says.

He stared me right hand in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll film it on me telephone set, deal it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the curl in."

"XL / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm happy with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me seat and tells Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fantasy you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

ringlet in started around football team, Sandra curl and bolted the door, hung her knickers on the door thickening and started selling durex at ten quid a cam stroke before she sat on the billiard table, legs bedcover blanket and started wanking with a nursing bottle of Newcastle-upon-Tyne Brown. Newcastle Brown University I ask you ! No class that bint, she had empty-bellied champagne bottleful and Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle-upon-Tyne Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pink pussy lips.

thing was she had no takers ‘ cause everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the lad had their phone out and the early lot, them what batted for the other incline, had their dick out wanking.

Nozzer had his trousers down as he bent over the Billiard mesa, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum segmentation when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Saint Matthew and M & S Wye fronts round his ankles while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a gracious shade of Green if I remember right. He had a flop boner. Mine would receive turned inside out and done a runner if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

somebody splashed some lubricating substance over Nige's cock, I say lube, it might stimulate been gearbox oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to business, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining green extend member eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the pie-eyed porta slowly easing open from the solid atmospheric pressure of his rearing member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waist for more purchase and grunted with the try. beading of sweat broke out on his brow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's cock hung down like a sear turnip. The cock in his ass felt expert, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this sentence he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten pints of Stella and a Gallus gallus Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige drive in but something was pushing back. His fundament began to slip one's mind. His dick was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the hooey of nightmares. Hs turncock was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's buns by the frightening poop python.

"For fuck sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his pants and landed on his back.

The Python stuck its brown brain out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solid shaft of dirt oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the smirch, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine whale shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the trading floor like a big brown snake coiled up ready to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

Poor old Nige was in melt down."Jesus !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his safe using an interior out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh poor Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bonce,"Come to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a instant of stirring, she popped her left tit out for Nige to suck in on.

"Never judgement mammy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"Mummy has a special front man bottom so you can fuck her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in particular proposition to clean the doodly-squat up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"wish to put your big thingy in mum's nice front bottom ?"Sandra asked in a stupid voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a refreshing durex on Nige's cock. She eased around and bent over the edge of the snooker mesa and reaching between her legs she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her pussy. Nige eased into the unfamiliar warm slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so slight resistance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his cock with well practised bitch muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was ecstatic."Man that was the scoop diddly-squat ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might turn gay me self if its that good,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to shit,"Tommy Holman Hunt says reasonably.

"Right,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the piss mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom full of spunk and his face absolutely Edward D. White,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend fellow,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five chew by the way."

"Ghogof week,"I says,"give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No need to contain the piss."

Not the most raw of answers anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a 10 was the common charge.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and side by side bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker table and her feet on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's mates were staring in mental rejection, they couldn't get their heads around it. Nige fucking a bird. I forgot to picture show it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few more bevvies and went home. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about fashion and cleaning woman's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every clip he saw an ass hole he imagined a shit python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a nice few chew out of Nige and every gay chap in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his deadening .