Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'unscathed world.

lifespan were hard back then

I were standing by fire in pit pass office watching our eldest Lucy shovelling coal into railroad line wagon, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm Henry Blagthorpe, They calls me Creator Blagthorpe, or that bogus Blagthorpe. I own pit and small town of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a repute you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says married, we never wasted brass section on church building or nothing. Every bit of brass went into business.

Useless bitch she were and all. heptad bloody giirls her popped before her scream plenty and went to log Z's in bare room, well one of em, I had twelve sleeping accommodation at live count.

I went outside to cause a watchword,"Eee lass thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee daughter, he'll be in thee knickers next,"cocker spaniel Drayton joked.

"push button it cocker,"I says,"I means she's firm as any feller,"I says.

"wellspring don't go geting any ideas,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not James Cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"Look here, thee'd frighten blokes stupid, now if thee's got any signified thee's sell the honour to highest bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you proffer ?"she asked.

"V bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll tell our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must have been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after dark. Table was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was bloody miserable as always.

"For half a bloody jacket crown I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to brighten mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the coal dust off her while stripped to the waistline by kitchen sink.

"Some all-fired hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no bugger's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing school or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with nob, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at helping hand so I can bet after thee."

"So no other sodomite has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee whore !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the teats all stood up, fount and hair all total darkness, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but courtesy for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no reason we shouldn't is there."

"I'd snap thee little dick in one-half,"she challenged wi'her eyes ablaze.

"Go and fuck the little kick,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out unthankful mare."

I found a golden guinea,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah hold back it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more common soldier ?"

"Nay, bugger it, me saps up,"I says,"Bend over shelve our Lucy I'll biff thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a space and Lucy dropped her mans breeches what she wore and knack over table.

Her charwoman 's parts was all pink and moist and me tadger was straining fit to rupture so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were lucky he were straining as her thingy put up a scrap as I went to poke her, I had to fall on to her whatsits to get a bit of leverage like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock oceanic abyss inside her unmentionables. Her moaned all satisfied like as I poked away at her.

It was bloody champion, her seemed to relish it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody ages. In the end when I shot me bolt I were blinking knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in front of me. It were moth-eaten, crashing uneatable like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made bloody muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her rear of tube up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in queue on chronicle of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two Haddock and a bag o'chips,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a meat pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what sort of meat is it."

"Equus caballus,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us let pit jigger cheap when they're knackered."

"Divine Blagthorpe to thee, any road troll she ‘ ent me daughter no more ‘ effort I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a ring on me digit I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me nothing,"

"Bloody hell on earth little girl,"I says,"Thee don't hang around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, healthy, why she had a skillful than average chance of bearing me a son. Me mind were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ line I will,"she says,"Lets nip off down parsonage and set thing in motion."

"Bugger me tha'don't bent about.|"I admitted.

"I had a dear teacher,"she smiled.

We picked up us gingersnap and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your daughter !"he whined.

"Step girl,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any road and me half sisters is all bastards."

"I wouldn't call all of em bastards, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to organise, flowers, bells, consort,"

"That's bollock is that,"Lucy says,"No flower, no ship's bell, no consort, no crashing fancy dresses, just shout out the Banns, marry us office way through morning service and then us can get started on a son and heir for Daddy, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ track I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee loves brass more than anything so I ent going to commence off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the core, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new clobber long afore the old were wore out, her'd of wanted prime and the solid bloody shebang.

We went back household, I expected Lucy to run in along with I but her said not trough us was wed so I had to make do with Elsie and her only let me poke her backside.

Three weeks later we was wed. Bloody Scheol did I know it. I were bloody drained. Her wanted it daybreak noon and night, afore breakage fast, during aurora fag recess, click time and after tea as well as bed sentence.

"You'll founder me heart tone-beginning !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the second time in an hour in pit billet wi shop clerk and that trying to take care t'former way.

"And all thee hooey will be mine,"she said her oculus ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee plan,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were sloshed as a pit property,"So what u'd thee change if I popped me clog up ?"

"Kick our bloody Mam out for a startle, and me bally sisters,"she said,"Get a in good order menage what's easy to go along clean and warm William Christopher Handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her bounces up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit bloke what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a pointedness, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. grub her out and the child, send em down work house."

"You calloused bastard !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a hoot o good none of em,"I admitted,"e should kick the bloody lot out."

"affair is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that nice three bed down Abbotoire Road as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big house out as flats, send the sure-enough miss down pit, lend youngest to chimney sweep, and set our Mam up in her own harlot house and charge her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me encumbrance in shock."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a good teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on table cloth."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in early grave you mark my words,"English cocker spaniel Drayton chief clerk muttered.

"I die happy,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll ass thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were shock of me cracking a prank, foremost time in the 20 year he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what sexual love does to thee .