Letter to a love life. We all have had individual in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our lifespan, others, like me, have lost them.
To my dearest sweetheart,

well, it 's been three yr since the last time I saw you. Three age since I 've heard your laugh. Three age since I 've given you a hug. Three of the foresightful and most miserable years of my life history.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, utter to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can learn me. Every time I close my heart, I see your smiling face. There are times I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two multiplication since you left. It 's just not the same without you to piece on me around the firing. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda miss my tight fitting small passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three years, I 've more or less variety of existed. sure enough, I 've tried to move on, get hold a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. aloofness, sentence, personallity conflict, all have been factors in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a foresighted and healthy life, and every clip he closes his eyes, he sees you, to remind him of the hell that he 's caused. '' Trust me sweetheart, I do.

I 'm not sure enough whom she meant that set phrase toward, but, I do have sex deep down, I 'm at to the lowest degree partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to hurt, or carelessness you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my failure on a daily, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many direction. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the crowing cause was the fact that I truly did bang you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the right ways, our circumstances prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have got found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get defective, but, more scared that you would actually turn down my love, which would mash what picayune spirit I had. There was also a sociable aspect sweetheart, the lovemaking I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at to the lowest degree toward you hoi polloi would frown. I wanted aught more than to take out you close, kiss you softly, and arrest you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how guild works, that could n't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a avowedly deep love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The little things, the smile at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to light up. The times that you 'd want to pass time just the two of us. The random clinch, the occasional `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in straw man of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the piddling sign you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too lately to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to abye for the pain I caused. It 's my burden, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The news are just words, i can say `` I 'm sorry '' a billion times a day, and it would n't crap any difference. No amount of `` I 'm sorry '' can make for you back, or take away the painful sensation that I 've caused. The exclusively `` I 'm sorry '' that really thing, is the one deep inside of my heart, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my sugariness, because I let you down. I 'm excommunicate to live the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be unscathed again. I will extend to exist, probably for a very longsighted time, but, I 'll never find as truly happy as I did. Three long long time, is just the number 1 dance step into the life that I will lead. That life started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moment of bliss, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I retrieve what I caused. I truly am so very disconsolate my gratifying sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm happy, and proud to accept shared in your life for as farseeing as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't change our past, only hope that our yesteryear does n't demolish our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a dissimilar type of lovemaking, I 'm sorry for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your memory. I love you, and have loved you for a very long time, I just bid I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris