Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a bugger what you bloody think because I bloody utter as I bloody find oneself.

We had a all-fired bad trip back from America on steamer and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me brass were safe and went to see blooming factor first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a fancy woman boudoir with furnishing to match. Agent were a slimy bastard with slicked down hair and poncy courtship. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bloody desk about the sizing of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"commodity day Captain, I am delighted to forgather you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me governing body,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the illiterate Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the establishment,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you entail Brass,"his helper chipped in. She was like a short haired gorilla in a sinister wearing apparel with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple-minded enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky buggers ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bally fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in quick. Daft dickhead on counter near fainted at sizing of bank check but I drew out a fair few wad and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody daylight ocean trip took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at survive I had some brass in bank and could do home instead of scratting one shot down South United States way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour superior what were a mate of mine, we had a schmoose for a few moment then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a nice plump fresh Brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in XXX three and anyroad nob got fed up wi novelty an let nearly of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I find a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk whore family or splice a nob. Marrying a nob seemed topper idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at female monarch Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner card exterior. and it were just after high noon so I thought I would hold a morsel to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make head or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner party at tea clock time and high noon prison term was lunch. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager number up to me and asked me business enterprise,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got incorrect end of stick and suggested a distich of whore houses.

"Nay I want a cleaning woman for keeps see, If I pay out a fairish bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an asset see, not keep forking out for tarts trough I gets bally clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep slaves anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing stove of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his back to us over there's got More daughters than you can rock a stick at, why not create him an fling ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of fish and fall o wine-colored that woudn't sustain a damn church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorousness,"I says,"I ent no sign painter I'm bloody senior pilot bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me blinking mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"feel if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's Virgo, two legs, two arms, couple of bloody tits, own dentition, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his match, a simpering prat dressed like a mighty ponce says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody scorecard,"I said,"Hard immediate payment, I knows too many bally card sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his match grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowery he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my daughter ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lick of paint and the Butler's crown had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servant one-quarter,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the fellow explained

"maitre d' Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and speak me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll find me bloody belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an slimy gripe,"I says,"Bob Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay mesen to pry thee."

"This is my wife senior pilot,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chopper, we her dainty hand and half in long finger nails."Feisty part ent she ?"

"senior pilot Beckinthwaite want to court one of our daughters dear,"the feller says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my short body,"peeress Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his nerve went a deadly white,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"violent storm, Tempest, bloody feed water ticker bloody mandril bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a blinking fuck in weeks."

"Capain please,"lady Mc insisted.

"I had a blooming gut full on't it, bloody transportation lark."I said,"boldness is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, eminent bloody time to bloody square off down."

"And you seek to court my daughter ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more flaming like,"I said,"Don't psyche bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody Lordship'back 's turned."

pantryman blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit flaming nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

noblewoman Mc knew when to hold stum so she showed us into parlour."Girls,"she says,"ejaculate and encounter senior pilot er, what is your figure ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first girl were knockout, blond tomentum on her shoulder, gentle middle, square rigged dress showcasing her tits, out of my conference, probably been rogered by half the retainer, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my moment eldest,"noblewoman Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody copious and in indigence of a flaming shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me blinking head and you're a lulu and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of fairness followed into the way,"Victoria,"dame Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody nether region, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a blinking kid wi a bloody hangover. Wi her curtly hair and scowling fount if it had n't been for her tits you 'd make thought she were a bloody chap

"Reet Francis, hedging your damn stakes were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"gentlewoman Mc asked.

"Couldn't William Tell if it were a bloody bloke or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin male child, baboons even,"I laughed.

"goodness then we are in accord maitre d'hotel,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit cut on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no pursuit in such subject,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, unspoilt chance her were a bloody virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't affair what her all-fired fount looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a flaming Virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"police chief !"Lord Mc protested.

"five hundred,"I offered,"wop, to take her off thi bloody manus and put a closed chain on her bloody finger, submit it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"madam Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody wife lassie, not just a flaming tart to shag, someone to look after me bloody house, cook, sporty look after bloody kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, blooming fondness, I just wants a damn shag, you wo n't do respectable than that and I shan't bloody offer a flaming gain."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the result skipper is no, never."She stormed away in a bally strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the hard currency,"I said,"If thee view I were crashing messing."

overlord Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a air pocket replete of gold.

"pack a trash of wine-colored police chief,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughter insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a moment,"master Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missis go and sort Francis out.

I heard a commotion,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"Stop it, stop it mother I would rather die than marry that dread man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody monetary value, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stair me hobnail boots clattering on overbold round oak floors, trough I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber maid and the housekeeper. poor people Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across expression with a dead Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corset and knee length stockings, no bloomers or zip but showing her privates and decent creamy thigh.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her leg broad,"Take a tone Captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody ruffian, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the the like of you. Go on. Get out."

"But senior pilot,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of Christ Within off me sticker blade soon changed her bloody melody,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the doorway shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't worn spot young girl, I never had to push a bloody wench to fuck me in me blooming life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her private parts as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her handwriting away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't Greek key, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingerbreadth gently up her thighs and then I started to part her snatch lips with me fingers. It weren't the first meter. Her snatch was well used.

"Looks like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of path not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"well your bloody virginal membrane ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody fellow I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody baby doing a clock time or two ?"

"How did you recognise ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big plagiariser belt and let me trews fall,"Lets foretell it our little bloody mystery shall us ?

"Look maitre d',"she protested but me fingers were no bloody strangers to a wench's cunt and wi me flick on her slight nub her tits were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing great

"Bloody fortnight wi out a nooky,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no skillful ramming me cock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her teat and on down to her mound. She kind of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh till I got me natural language in the groove between her sass down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her puss was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee blooming take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a fucking mizen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were like dish antenna, she said nowt but grasped me pommel and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody bitch like an anchor up a hawse pipe.It were flaming heaven. right in till me balls were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody Scheol size bloody candela youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody get it on ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek organisation for the blinking fuck. Once I shot me bloody lode in thee its for bloody sprightliness like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me damn onus over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not limit yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a loony toons of hot nerve up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me musket ball was blinking crinkling and me cock was bloody throb and suddenly it were too late for all-fired pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a dry pint of Sir Isaac Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next clock time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"sucking me bloody cock hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my teats if it helps to rouse you."And with that she pulled her breast right out of her stays and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest of drawers,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and robe off and held her closing curtain. Our lip met, our knife entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your lingua in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bloody fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old fella, congratulations,"Divine Mc chortled,"Let us own the engagement announced in Lancashire evening post.

"sod that I'm a crashing sea maitre d'hotel, '' I explained,"We can nip down bloody seaport and I can do blinking matrimony, no blooming need to waste bloody brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a meter or two her started smiling at me and her face quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the Light behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's fucking genius and no mistake, even if she do total from bloody Lancashire .