My starting time tribade Experience

It was late. It was raining. And dingy. And cold.

The auditory sensation of the folk group wafted down the street from the Flying buck as I nibbled at something that might once cause been a cod before it was cremated and sealed in cardboard flavoured yellow concrete and stuffed in newspaper with slice of raw potato.

I opened the pub threshold as the compass north chow premier ( and only ) Lesbian anti paedophile stripe Boris and the Pedos sang.
"String the buggers up"
"String the sod up"
"There's nil as vile as a pedophile, so string the bugger up !"An audience of three skin heads and an old codger who mistook it for dominos night sat there bored out their skulls.

"All right Johnno ?"Boris the leading vocaliser shouted as her band rested between numbers.

Nearly bald, five five over 20 stone, squeezed into extra with child jeans three size too small with a leather cap what had probably been old when the first world war was on she was the sort of dike tribade who got dike lesbians a bad name.

nous you the way she liked fucking convicted pedos up the ass with a sledge hammer handle made me wonder whether she actually was a lesso. She had cracking basso baritone vocalism though, pity she was tone deaf.

"Not so bad, how's it going ?"I asked.

"Not so bad,"she said,"Any favorites ?"

"Bit of poesy ?"I suggested,"The gallows tree ?"

"Sit thee down, and rest awhile."
"And watch the lone pedophile."I started

"As swaying gently in the breeze, he dangles from the gallows tree !"she finished, ah that's poetry.

"You can't bring food in here,"Sandra the barmaid shouted.

"Its from the kebab shop, I don't reckon it counts as food,"I moaned.

"Them fucking twat hates us,"Harley Charlie, the moped riding chief skinhead announced,"They ought to roll in the hay off back where the come from."

"Where fucking Oldham ?"his first mate asked.

"Who gives a fuck, Army of the Pure have a sing song, that old one,"he said drunkenly,"albumen drop-off of Dover !"

"We'll chuck Pedos over, the White Cliffs of Dover, tomorrow just you wait and see."

"We'll get all them motherfucker and chuck the rest over after,"I suggested,"Then we'll be fucking Pedo free !"

"You got the Word of God Johnno ?"Boris asked.

"No I just fucking made it up, Jesus Christ fucking christ."I replied.

"Make a cracking record,"Charlie said, and he stood up,"need a shit, get the drinks in Nobber."

"Why the piece of tail do I always get to get the drinks in ?"Nobber asked.

"‘ Cause your on welfare, no one else got any cash ?"I suggested.

"Fucking laborious work, benefit, having to remember to fucking limp."Nobber said, but no one gave a fuck.

"What you having Johnno ?"Sandra asked.

"Anal ?"I suggested.

"To booze not later you filthy bastard !"Sandra retorted and Boris flashed me a black look, she must get thought she had pulled.

"Rats piss,"I said.

"You can own one Frank Stella ‘ cause I know what your like after a few pints eh Mr Floppy !"Sandra laughed.

"All fucking right, it was only once."I stammered as me face went bright red,"Ever ready me."

"screw anything anything any time ?"privy Hunt the bookie from Matson street walked out the bog and started taunting me. Hunt the cunt as we called him.

"Long as its over 18, and has a cunt and a pulse rate,"I protested.

"Like a cow ?"he laughed.

"Technically they has a anteroom not a cunt,"I said using my Superior reason gained from watching pointless nookie secret plan shows and similar crap on pointless shag daytime TV.

"Her then,"he said pointing at Boris.

"Fuck off she's a fucking Lesso."I said supportively.

"Fifty quid says you can't."He suggested.

"Fifty quid each ?"Boris asked.

"Two hundred, construct it five !"William Holman Hunt the bitch taunted.

"Savior,"Boris said,"I could use a few British pound sterling as it happens."

"Oh for fucks sake,"search sighed,"I was taking the piss."

"We heard,"Harley Charlie chuckled,"What you reckon Johnno ?"

"Yeah, why not, I'm up for it."I lied. Jesus it would be halfway to turning fucking gay. Fucking a fat bald geezer even if it did stimulate a cunt somewhere under the ugly great faithful of belly skin.

"This I just got to see !"Sandra said. What I didn't know was she texted all her mates and said to come round and watch.

"So what's your secret plan ?"Nobber asks Hunt the Cunt.

"Just like to see Lesbos sorted out,"he sniggered.

"Wants a share of the CCTV rights more like,"I sighed knowing half of Saudiafuckingrabia had seen my ass bobbing around on some porn channel streamed from the CCTV as I gave Sandra a dowery one nighttime after ignition lock up.

"fella what do you lease me for ?"hunting asked.

"Money grabbing slit,"Harley Charlie said nicely.

"Yeah well making money's me hobby ennit ?"Hunt laughed,"Go on. I'll make it a deluxe each."

"I dunno,"I said,"What you reckon Boris ?"

"If your up for it I am."she said,"I need the cash."

"acquiring up for its the job,"I thought to me self as I tried to shut me eyes and think of England, or actually that scene in Japan porn Farm three where the Jap little girl all strip off on the parade ground and start doing exercises until the blokes start fucking them.

It was no thoroughly, me cock did a passable impersonation of a Daniel Chester French S lading ( Snail ).

"In the back room ?"I suggested.

"lock the door Sandra,"Holman Hunt suggested.

"Fuck that me mates is coming,"Sandra explained.

"Oh fucking jesus."I thought.

"Right lets do one More set of can buy me enjoy,"Boris called as she twanged a horrible row from her authentic Chinese Scatocaster Guitar, It might have worked better if she had noticed it was for 120 V not 240 but reading and thinking were not exactly her unattackable points.

"Buy me a Diamond annulus you cunt and you can sleep with me tonight."
"Stick it up me bum you cunt and I'll nominate it all seem right.
"lawsuit all I want is,"“ Lots of money and Money can buy me love,"
"Can buy me luh-uv,"
she wailed.

Poor old Macker Lennon must have been turning in his pit.

Actually the pub was filling nicely.

Boris was starting another set.

"Tie a fucking pedo round the old oak tree diagram
If he fucking dies its all right by me."

"Who writes this hoot ?"Hunt asked.

I never admitted anything,"Its sarcasm,"I said.

"screwing racist,"he said shaking his head.

"Across the sea, where all the priests are pedophiles, ''
"Celibate means the shtup lot are gay."Boris warbled to what might well throw been supposed to be the tune to"Danny Boy."

"messiah saki Johnno she'll be on the racist crap next do something !"Sandra hissed in me lug maw as the pub filled with her mates.

I stepped up to the mike, I got a half enough vocalisation, well it was ok public treasury it broke, sorting of split up down the midsection more like, when me balls dropped."You all know this one,"I shouted and started singing a crapello, that means on me tod.

"The Dew on the meadow, the mist on the stream.
The river runs down to the sea."

"We gather together to recognise the sunrise
and England belongs to me."

Boris's spouse crashed in a few random chords on bass Guitar which was handy because I started far too gamey

"So bugger the spaniards and bugger the Gaul, and bugger the old EEC
The whole fucking Eurozone can get stuffed 'cause England belongs to me."

"Italians are pedopiles so are the Boche, the Polish have all got VD
So lets get and construct an atomic dud and blow out them to buggery."

"And gasconade them to Bug, and blow them to Bug,"

"And blow them to bug er ree !"I finished as a solo and then tried to make a run for it.

"Bloody the pits that was fucking brilliant !"this pissed up whore with DD titmouse and blond pilus straight out of a nebulizer can who might experience passed for 25 on a iniquity Night where you couldn't see the crease under her optic cooed as she pressed her boob against me.

Suddenly S lading turned to frankfurter, well more like broom handle if I'm honest ‘ causa I wont see twenty again in a precipitation like either.

"Ohhh you are a big boy,"she cooed as she cupped me balls through me jeans.

"Its now or never,"I thought as I pulled away from her.

"And now the main event,"I said,"barrel roll please Karen."

"I'm fucking Elsie you blind twat !"the drummer replied but she started smacking Scheol out of the metal drum skins all same.

"Go for it ?"Boris asked.

I nodded.

She pulled down her skin pissed supererogatory gravid jeans and the openhanded axial motion of pinko belly fat you ever did see cascaded down completely hiding what looked like a tiny duet of pink panties.

Me fervor was fading. ( Posh lingo for me cock was shrinking, fast )

"Stick it anywhere no one will notice !"Boris hissed as I dropped my trouser and pushed her against the bar.

Now any sensible fucker would have rubbered up but I didn't have fourth dimension, and anyway plan A was to shoot up somewhere under a roll of flabby under her belly clitoris but wouldn't you know whoremaster Thomas went straight for the moist spot. I reckon she must have fancied the blond tart with the DDs same as I had.

The tone of me bare dick head on a moist snatch mouth is much the like whether its Brianny or Mad Donna or someone what looks like some fuckers grandad and I made the misunderstanding of shutting me eyes.

Next fucking thing I was going for it. Fucking JT was in. right up, that fucking flab was diffuse as piece of tail and just flowed out the way. She was truly fucked. I was truly fucked.

"Oh god."I moaned but I never had the sentience to stop.

"No don't that feels too nice, for nooky sake Johnno !"Boris was wailing.

I started going for it, like a fucking terrier against a wellington boot, it felt too fucking good. It was all wrong and then the pressing press release alarm went off in me bollocks.

"Ready or not I'm coming !"I shouted and to a bloody big sunshine I shot me load.

"Fake !"someone cried.

"He fucking didn't he slimed me !"Boris protested and she showed three of her podgy fingers inside her and dragged them out glistening with spunk.

Fucking applause all round of drinks, fucking ten Oliver Stone and a bit weakling and a butch les. It must have got looked hilarious, like one of them slight virile spiders fucking them huge female black widder spiders except I hadn't been ate yet.

"Pay sentence,"I said as John Hunt tried to purloin away.

"Fair do's you earned it,"he laughed and he flashed a wad of notes. I flicked through.

"And the sleep,"I said without counting.

He coughed up another ton or so which brought it just over two grand which was fair.

"You really would know anything you fucking worm,"Sandra said.

"ass pot calling the piece of tail boiler,"I said,"At least I get a grand not a one-half of lager and a few chips."

"Too shay,"she said,"Anyway its rubbers for you now, you don't know where that's been."

"Fucking forenoon after pill, is the lately night chemist still open ?"I asked.

"I crumbled two in her vodka and Orange,"Sandra said,"Someone has to look after you."

"I know,"I said,"I am grateful."

"Elsie says if I have IVF and have terzetto we can get a 3 sleeping room council sign of the zodiac straight away,"Sandra said all innocent like.

"Not that fucking grateful,"I said as Boris decided not to inconvenience oneself trying to ram her belly back in her jeans but to stick the fifth wheel mike up her cunt instead as she launched in to song.

"He's got a Pedo's testicle in his paw,
He's got his prick and ball in his hand,"and as she sang,
'' He's got a Pedo's orchis in his hand, '' again the the audience joined in with.
"And he'll rip the fuckers off !"

"There ain't no way for Pedo's in this Land,"they continued.

I'd had enough, I felt sick, that was pretty low fucking a ugly butch Les for money, Ok better than span roads or collecting tax or walking the streets like a plod but pretty bloody low.

I opened the threshold. There were half a 12 uniforms sheltering in the porch.

"Oh its you Allthwaite,"the law serjeant said knowingly,"Off rest home ?"

"Nah off down the Mosk for Friday Prayers."I corrected him.

"Its Tuesday,"the serjeant corrected,"This Gentlemen is your genuine Negro Muslim Gay Lesbian Transsexual member of every bloody minority the home post has ever heard of and plenty to a greater extent beside, arrest him at your peril."

My reputation had preceded me"Box ticking,"I agreed.

"Just piece of ass off."He said.

So I did, and they arrested some bloke who came out his gaff in his nightshirt to kvetch about the row.

Its a amusing old world.

And that was me first sapphic experience .