ITommy Ainsgarth gets buggered on t'engine

It were a dark November Night in Yorkshire. Nineteen XXX something. It weren't raining for once. Nor freezing neither. Nor fog. brightness of Grisegarth sign box on t'London and northward Eastern railroad track could be seen for miles.

passenger train come past tense, headed for Grimsby, locomotive engine were off beat a bit. It were an old ‘ un built be Beyers at Manchester for Lincolnshire and Yorkshire Railway. Four big driving wheels as big as a man and four little 'uns out front line. Over thirty yr old, mislay time but nowt they couldn't mek up wi a bit o'speeding a bit over Ellerbeck viaduct and juncture beyond.

Next along were Immingham goods. On footplate were Pres Young Tommy Aisgarth. He were real stimulate, officially like as he were engine cleanser, but he's done exam for fireman and it were his first sentence out firing locomotive on long trip, He had been on shunting engines many time after having reached eighteen the age for working on engine footplate, but this were real thing.

Ted Moresely were driving, fat ugly pot bellied bloke, near as fat as he were tall, too fucking fat to get under engine to oil round proper like.

He were pissed off, he usually drove a big B5 social class loco, built by George Robinson in 1922 but today he had a near new J39, a low cheaper engine built be Herbert Gresley what weren't really up to job so they shortened train to 40 waggon, 600 tons.

It were upper limit burden for J39 and Tommy had to do work like a trojan, shovelling ember trying to keep up steam. He were sweating buckets, he stripped off his jacket crown and then his shirt as he shovelled ember inexpertly into the ravening firebox of the loco. Ted kept the regulator half clear and the valves in to the full gear to make Tommy sweat. He could consume saved half the coal if he'd pulled up up and opened governor but he were a sadistic sod.

The banged and crashed up through Grisegarth and past tense Moresby top to summit box, all signals off and only two minutes down with water bobbing in the derriere nut of calibre methamphetamine hydrochloride, Ted shut regulator and shouted for Tommy to put live steam injector on to fill up boiler.

locomotive engine began to beak up speed, Tommy went to put tea can on firing plate for a brew.

"sight of meter for that lad,"Ted says,"fourth dimension for a bit of fun."

"Fun Ted ?"Tommy asked.

"Fun, get thee knickers down I wan't to sodomize thee,"Ted laughed.

"Bloody hell, bugger me, I mean not sodomize me but don't bugger me like."Tommy blustered.

"Look lad, on footplate device driver's in billing and I'm number one wood reet ?"Ted explained,"And I fancies ramming me strut up thee's ass, not that I ent queer nor naught, just that wanking meks thee blind and I'd rather spend cash on beer than on't ‘ ores.

"I dunno Ted,"Tommy says,"I ent ad a bird let alone be buggered."

"You refusing an purchase order from thee driver ?"Ted asks,"Sacking offense is that."

"Now hang on !"Tommy proested,"Buggery's bloody illegal !"

"I'll tell they as thee let water down and never looked out for signaling, told I to get stuffed and made I shovel coal as thee were too knackered to do on't."Ted warned.

"Thee's a tight bugger,"says Tommy as train picked up speed down bank,"But I ‘ ant no choice ‘ as I."

Well loco were blowing off steam and water were coming up in glass so Tommy opened fire doors to cool.

"cum on don't sodomite about, '' Ted insisted

Reluctantly Tommy undid his belt and slipped his drawers down.

Ted smirked"Brace thee self agin the backplate,"he chuckled.

"It's bloody red hot !"Tommy protested.

"Bugger, bloody Gresley, bloody GC engines has them lagged,"Ted cursed,"Hang on to bloody water Georgia home boy instead.

Tommy stood wi his breeks around his articulatio talocruralis gripping on to weewee scoop wheel while Ted eased hs twosome off of his sholders and dropped his coveralls to reveal a short fat ugly cock barely poking out as far as his fat gut.

Ted wobbled as he aimed hs shaft at Tommy's ass but missed half a dozen prison term when suddely wallop.

Teddy boy cock pressed an column inch into Tommy's loaded ass mess as the engine stopped pretty near dead.

There was a dire crashing of busted wood and metal engine reared up at back end and Ted and Tommy was flung against the boiler.

Tommy was stunned, he thought it was the jolt of his ass golf hole busting but then Ted was screaming and there was coal off the tender and busted Wood all around. Tommy were stunned but he dragged his pant back up and staggered around trying to relieve oneself sense of it.

There were broken in scrap of pram all round.

"sodomite me Ted we hit summat !"Tommy says.

"Agghhhhhh !"Ted screamed. Tommy couldn't see Ted.

"What's going off ?"Tommy asked.

"Agghhhhhhh !"Ted screamed again.

Tommy reached for the fire door lever to open ‘ em up so as he could see. The lever was jammed but ith the undecided position. He coldn't understand it so he grabbed the water supply gauge lamp.

"Arrrgghhhh !"screamed Ted.

Tommy shone the Light. There were Ted wi his ass speared by the knob on the firebox door lever and all the hide burned off of his bum. Tommy felt brainsick and wanted to express mirth at the same time.

"I go to signal box for convention 55 !"he offered and he jumped down off of locomotive and headed for box.

Turned out express engne had rolled bad on Muncaster Viaduct and derailed attendant, Vacuum brake had stopped it and goods had run through five signals before hitting express up the ass.

Ted were probably dead afore anyone bohered wi him. His ass were burned right away to the bone and he rest of him roasted though his boot were alright and his cap and pocket watch.

"By eck tha's a favourable chap,"said signalman as Tommy walked up steps to box.

"How d'yuo mean value ?"Tommy asked.

"Walking away from tha'clangour,"he replied.

"Aye, hardly a scratch,"Tommy agreed.

"And thee driver ?"signalman asked.

"He was screaming a bit but he shut up now, priority is rule 55 ent it,"Tommy replied.

"Tha'll mek a exquisitely railroader, have a brew and go back and if he's drained nick his watch before some other sodomist does."

"Tha's a callous bugger,"Tommy replied.

"Not if driver were one Ted Moresely,"Signalman explained,"love child said I put signal back agin him when he ran right through em, too officious buggering his fireman, has he buggered you an all ?"

Tommy said nowt.

"No sod liked him, tight fisted fat otiose bastard,"Signalman moaned.

"Can I use your bog ?"Tommy asked.

"No thee bloody can't,"Signalman said but it were too tardy Tommy had door open.

poor people Tommy never seen a lad porter in a consistent jacket and nowt else except for stockings and brace afore. So he fainted.

He was in waiting room at the station when he woke up. Stationmaster were shaking him,"Eh no slacking."

"I just had a bang,"Tommy explained.

"What, wi Doris from refreshment elbow room ?"Inspector asked.

"Nay we run into ass of Passenger."Tommy says.

"well go and take over rider fire-eater, he banged his drumhead, they're going on wi half train."he explained.

Tommy climbed onto rider engine, Sid Hancock were driver.

"Eye up thee all reet lad ?"he asked.

"Aye, Bloody Ted tried to bugger I and ne'er kept a expression out,"Tommy says.

"Shoud have waited ‘ till lodge at Immingham,"he laughed,"Still stick wi I and I'll see thee right."

Tommy had no trouble wi engine and Sid took him to lodge,"We usually shares double bed drier and fireman together,"says device driver,"But I pays extra."

"What for a single way ?"asks Tommy.

"Nay lad for a tart,"he laughed.

poor people Tommy, he had to kip on base. Landlady showed them to room. She were a widder, maybe xl yr old, fat as a pig, then instead of buggering off while they turned in she stripped off and led on bed while Sid shagged her.

"You want a pigeon berry lad, I paid her for altogether Night ?"Sid asked.

"No thanks,"says Tommy.

"Look why be a gooseberry, sod off and keep our Dolores fellowship why don't you ?"Landlady suggested.

Dolores were Landladies daugher, she were at Grimsby college learning hospitality.

Her mammilla were straining the seams on her Cardigan, her lips were like ruby, her eyes were like, well eyes, one were aristocratic and the other weren't, her hair was utter gold wi black roots, her thigh were summat else and her cheek, had all the compensate spot and well thee don't have to calculate at it when you're close up do thee.

"I'm Dolly,"says Dolores.

"how-do-you-do Dolly,"says Tommy.

"comedian eh ?"she says.

"Nay fireman,"says Tommy.

"Got a girlfriend ?"says Dolly.

"Nay,"says Tommy.

"Been buggered ?"she asked.

"No !"says he.

"Good, I'm doing hospitality degree,"says dolly,"Maybe you can help me wi me homework ?"

"I don't know,"says Tommy.

"I got exams on week after adjacent and I still ‘ ant sucked a feller off yet,"

"What ?"Tommy demanded.

"I wants to be a Hoo er and you has to be certified to want to be a hoo er,"she said,"Least aways that's what me da says."

"Bin Fucked ?"Tommy asked.

"No that's final term,"dolly explained.

"All reet, I lend thee me cock for blow job,"Tommy says as he dropped his breeches.

"Ooooh its so big !"Dolly says."They told me to say that no subject how big it is,"she admitted.

"Belt up and wrap up thee laughing fishing tackle one shot it,"Tommy says all manly like.

"Not if you're going to be rude,"Dolly says as she grasped his tool firmly.

"Oh screwing !"says Tommy as he shot his load, luckily it missed her clothes and Cardigan Welsh corgi and splattered onto her neck.

"You're piece of tail useless,"she opined. poor Tommy. He ended up kipping in corridor.

Next day Tommy had to go place be way of Doncaster on explanation of line being blocked and he had to report to shedmaster to excuse why he hadn't kept a proper look out.

"I had difficulty wi injector see,"he explained,"These Gresley engines are rubbish."

"And thee device driver ?"he asked. Now Tommy weren't sort of bloke to dob any bugger in so he says,"Having a diddly-shit on me shovel while I worked on injector."

"Trying to bugger thee more like,"Inspector replied,"Ah well he won't be buggering any bugger any time soon, all skins burned off his ass and that firebox room access handle."

"Went up his ass,"Tommy said all devoid like.

"Did it heck as like,"said Inspector,"It went in all reet but it missed his ass muddle, fact is he got two ass holes now."

"No, you're joking !"Tommy gasped.

"Fucking surgeon at railroad track hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into indorse ass hole,"the inspector laughed,"He told Ted he coud have new vocation in Circus as the man we two asses !"

"Bloody Hades,"says Tommy,"I suppose he would rather have two peter ?"he suggested.

"Not that sodomist !"Inspector added.

Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster kit and boodle, he saw railway locomotive with passenger car connexion on Tender,"What's that for ?"he asked.

"So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he's parched,"inspector told him.

As lick would have it Ted got septicaemia and died, poor bugger ‘ adn't no one, no phratry or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the union paid for mortician and for the topper second hand coffin pawn factor had in origin out of extremity subs.

Funeral day and four chap took some screws and made sure the lid wasn't coming off any time soon before they carried it in to church building and set the casket down, then when service of process started. Priest asked Tommy to say a few watchword, being as he was Ted's finish mate.

"I couldn't stick Ted. Ted were an vile fat lazy bugger, a bloody liar and a hoot partner. He neber oiled his engine proper nor nothin'He died ‘ cause he neglected his dooty to kip a look out. I remember him when we had crash"Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh,"he said wi'his trousers down and his ass jammed on firehole room access lever knob."A great belly laugh came from the half 12 or so blokes what botheredbto turn up."I never liked him, no one I know liked him, and I'm bloody glad he's dead."

"Amen !"said someone,"Amen, well said lad !"and they all clapped.

Afterwards Vicar had a quiet word of honor wi Tommy,"I knows we says to always be honorable,"Vicar said,"But in twenty years I never heard such an reliable eulogy spoken."

Tommy hadn't the thin thought what he were on about. But when he got older he realised one thing, when it comes to buggery its better to give than receive.

And Dolly ? She failed the examination and had to move to Greater London as they has lower standards for Hoo ers than us do in Yorkshire .