varsity letter to a love. We all have had someone in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life sentence, others, like me, have lost them.
To my near looker,

fountainhead, it 's been three years since the close time I saw you. Three old age since I 've heard your laugh. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most pitiful years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, talk to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can listen me. Every time I close my eyes, I see your smiling typeface. There are fourth dimension I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two times since you left. It 's just not the same without you to break up on me around the blast. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda miss my skinny slight rider. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three days, I 've more or less kind of existed. Sure, I 've tried to move on, find a new human relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. distance, time, personallity fight, all have been factor in why zilch works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my warmheartedness. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and sizable life, and every time he closes his eye, he sees you, to cue him of the hell that he 's caused. '' faith me sweetie, I do.

I 'm not sure whom she meant that idiom toward, but, I do know deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to hurt, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my failure on a day-by-day, base, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sad that I let you down in so very many manner. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were cause behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the big cause was the fact that I truly did have intercourse you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the ripe style, our circumstances prevented me showing you my passion. I know, it 's no excuse, I should bear found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get worse, but, Thomas More scared that you would actually reject my dear, which would crush what little flavor I had. There was also a mixer aspect sweetheart, the love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at least toward you citizenry would lour. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how company works, that could n't encounter. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a on-key deep love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The small things, the smile at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to alight up. The times that you 'd want to spend sentence just the two of us. The random hug, the episodic `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little augury you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to interchange any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many affair differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to aby for the botheration I caused. It 's my burden, and some Day, I truly do conflict with it. The words are just quarrel, i can say `` I 'm sorry '' a billion times a day, and it would n't make any divergence. No amount of `` I 'm sorry '' can bring in you back, or take away the pain that I 've caused. The entirely `` I 'm distressing '' that really issue, is the one cryptical inside of my heart, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That flavour of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm cursed to live the spirit that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be entirely again. I will continue to exist, probably for a very yearn time, but, I 'll never feel as truly happy as I did. Three long years, is just the first whole tone into the life that I will take. That spirit started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moments of blissfulness, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not certainly that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm happy, and proud to have shared in your life history for as recollective as I had, I just wish that I could ingest done better.
We ca n't interchange our yesteryear, only hope that our yesteryear does n't destroy our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may take seen it as a different type of love, I 'm sad for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your remembering. I love you, and have loved you for a very long time, I just like I had been smart enough to demo you.


Lovingly,

Chris