I arrived at Allerton manor hall unannounced, dressed in the classic vogue of a set down valet de chambre while riding in a tolerably overbold rig pulled by a matched twosome of Greys, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devon who had become my acquaintance masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in excitement crying `` Are you expected sir, only His grace of God is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as disdainful manner as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the ma'am Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth River we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain ownership of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a taste for this lav ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that moment we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` better than minelaying, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as condom with your drive, you better let me ride ! ``

We changed places and also changed pelage and chapeau and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good poke and swung into the second power, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething mass of humanity confronted us and if he had not thrust the pitprop through a wheel there should make been carnage for we should never have stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a dangling in Bodmin in Aug, for a corking wooden stage had been set up against the Red Panthera leo alehouse across from St Agnes church the whole market square was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving bird was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her nightie or switching ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her disguise leather clad tormenter, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to avoid his blows by turning away he struck her shapely give away breasts and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hands were manacled and uselessly chained together and the chain of mountains tied to a luxuriously beam high above her head which served to concord her so she could do nil but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist smoothing iron from which a lead of blood seeped already.

The crowd were transfixed and so fixed in their tending that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a world whipping was the acme of their season, and all form were present, merchandiser and peasants, workers and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the purpose, the Lord Graham, his son, by his side and the peeress Phillipa his younger girl with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the horses and take the air back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T bend and tethered the team outside the flying lizard Inn.

The maid was nil but a limp and bloodied pickle when I returned, and his adoration Mr Justin Grant the justice of the Trentham assizes was mounting the steps to the microscope stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Leslie Howard told me to give the law in its full force, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three calendar month hence you shall get together again to witness the punishment I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` Note well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the doll transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the lupus erythematosus be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen penalty ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a cardiac murmur, `` Have you seen that I jurist subsidisation am a man of my word and all are equalise in my homage, that the low maid and highest lady can have a bun in the oven equality of handling ? '' he demanded. There was a mutter of favorable reception. `` That the peeress Catherine the Great received no preference when she abused her trustfulness and stole a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a servant five geezerhood toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledge hammer, the serving chick was the Lady Catherine of Aragon, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six month has she toiled in the theatre of operations and six Thomas More shall she drudge, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she confess as you all heard, but she will not admit her guiltiness, will not confess, will not rationalise and without contrition there can be no mildness, no light liveliness as a house servant so shall she continue as the lowest farm daughter until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her begetter to renounce, I suggest she may consume found the antipode preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` grand shalt not slip. ``

'' That 's Catherine the Great ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The missy you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and eyes, `` That 's Catherine the Great. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce think it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, nasty bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her tomentum was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally ruby-red and her shoulder firmed and muscled, and then as the ropes were cut and she fell and sprawled in the poop so her sack fell away revealing an atomic number 26 chastity belt.

A great jest arose and shake up Catherine from her stunned immobility and she grabbed her torn smock around her, dire to keep the modesty that in trueness was lost, and all the while her centre were crying but her rip had run dry until just the displume tracks remained in the grunge of her face.

'' That 's your young woman ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really decent. ``

I realised she had an branding iron collar around her cervix and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a dung handcart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine II, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a dull and atrocious procedure, but by and by we made progress until at length the rube riding the go-cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine aboard so the Ox could go on at its best pace which in all honesty was no adept than when Catherine the Great had been staggering behind.

Its goal was his Lordships piggery, set away from the briny house and farm because of the olfactory modality it was a low stone built building with a stone tile roof on quality, and there in the mud and filth lived his lordship 's hog, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine of Aragon chained as she was to an iron in the rampart which I noted his lordship agent fastened her chain of mountains with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your pursuit here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most curious as to why the Lady Catherine the Great is so treated. ``

'' She 's no noblewoman ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the repose, '' he said and he tore away the last of her clothes leaving her raw, `` She 'll get hatful of swill come morning and she can enjoy a liveliness of relief, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, good day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of row ! '' I ordered, `` Drop me at my father 's and strike the pram. ''

I directed him the way to my fathers modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and pastures my Father pretended to the domain that he owned, yet sadly such was not the cause, indeed there was a time in my spring chicken when my beginner spoke to me earnestly, `` John the Divine, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a second son, you have a good name but no fortune, so my son it is for you to create your own fortune, shall you get together the reserves, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an explorer and locomote the existence in search of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And hook up with a princess ? ``

'' No the Lady Catherine the Great. '' I said proudly, though in Truth at that clip I had barely interchange two dozen run-in with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to establish purity of the precious alloy with an eye to seeking Au prospecting and so by stage my training progressed until with a loanword from Father-God that he could ill give I bought transit to Mexico.

I had a end summertime at dwelling, a brief magical spell of dances and fetes, and I saw the noblewoman Catherine the Great often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a fat suitor to woo her, but for the while my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present tense and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to pull in a fortune in the New universe and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not signify to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with finances or not at all that is my intent. ``

'' Then do not disquiet Catherine II, you amuse her, but she has but a dead season, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a great relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore nada would induce me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

gum olibanum it was with mild disinterest that father watched Barrington drive the carriage up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to consider its fade when I had unloaded my own luggage as signal that it was as a simple rider in a hire conveyance rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to greet me, `` lavatory where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a fortune of a thousand Irish pound and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my udder from the roadside.

'' I have been mining atomic number 47, '' I said.

'' In the U.S. 's ? '' Father of the Church asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought enactment to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under police captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the receptive Ocean I was rendered unequal to with the sea malady, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships Reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not recite you that as the onetime son of a second son, you have a good name but no fortune, and to create your own fortune by joining the Militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an explorer and travel the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a great shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' well Father-God I worked the weal Claire mine, master Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead bed and gave focussing, just above the piddle he said, and there it was a thin line and I started on my own with a peck axe and a bundle of wax light, and I recognised the silver bearing ore and crushed my own rock by candle light, and made my own acid using my instruction to the full phase of the moon and dissolved the silver from the crushed rock'n'roll and cast my own silver gray ingots, but the vein was not extensive, too sparse to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an pass, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a grin, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver wrinkle clean as recondite as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro piece by art object moulded and cast into metal bar and had it 's purity confirmed and marked to show it was indeed silver and as an excursus we made hoop and trinket by selective cast and we travelled the jeweller selling gaud rings and small-arm of atomic number 47 and with the payoff I paid for the mine, and then we showed component of it to selected men of wealthiness saying there was paring there and machinery was needed to mine the vena any foster and I sold share until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my number one ring to gentlewoman Catherine, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay situation and I sent it anonymously but within the inner forget me drug I engraved, `` To my passion JM. '' so she should recognise she was in my thoughts always.

'' A queen story, '' founding father averred, `` but come in and have an extra place set at dinner party Mother. ``

'' What happened to Lady Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a doughnut, '' Church Father said, `` A bauble from gentlewoman Henry Watson Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid silver gang, '' mother said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to believe you thought to espouse her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady fowler would have forgotten the unharmed affair of Catherine would have got wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a spat, '' Mother said, `` All lodge attended, the jurist, justice Grant, insisted that the law were preserve for her as for the lowly Holy Order and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her form of address and whipped four times at equinoxes or the approximate Saturday thereto and should function as Lady Fowler 's servant for a twelvemonth and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather be given hogs in a playing field ! '' Father added, `` So the jurist he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to tend hogs, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his thanksgiving passed a billet to the justice. '' Father added.

'' And the justice ordered her to bear an atomic number 26 chastity belt ! '' female parent chuckled, `` Just opine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall go to bed. ``

Father took up the tarradiddle, `` They dragged her to the cellphone, it was miserable, she came with her founding father and mother and sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a level to be built beside the Red lion and promised fee ale and had the Judge bring her to the square toes on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hired man and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under transmutation, tearing her dress right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were rid and then he called the blacksmith and they had a open fireplace going and they rivetted an iron collar around her neck like any usual criminal and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the jurist said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the common for a thief but you see it was a valuable ring, antique atomic number 47, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and right in alternate stroking, first he bared her buttocks so we could see the bang and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed business into it, an inch apart every in very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her front. ``

'' Her chest ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her mammilla, criss cross hither and thither her ams were shackled command overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred whip and all she could say was'I 'm clean-handed .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' Father said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing water at her from bedroom pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's muck spreading cart up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a theme from a pistol, of course being a ticket Lady, ''

female parent returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobbles and she sort of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all form of skank at her. ``

'' They put a sack around her to hide her nakedness, '' Fatherhood added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and live with the hog, she measures out their slop, some say she shares it because they do n't run her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and tempestuous, '' Mother said, `` The chawbacon used to like to torment her but they do n't see the point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The Beadle has her road mend though, '' Father added, `` Rock breaking, which is valet de chambre work really but the jurist agreed it was average. ``

'' To think you wanted to sustain your hat up to a common outlaw, she 'll have to become a servant or marry a yahoo, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' begetter said because he knew of such matter being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' Mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right field. '' female parent insisted, `` The fowler 's would have no penury of her dowry. ``

I knew something was wrong, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' Mother said, `` It did n't look right when they brought her into the square behind the dung cart on mid summertime day and the smell was something awful, so close week they found her dress from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Father said, `` Like a bad romp, a filthy bumpkin in a richly embroidered frock brought in the Earls spare carriage, but the lower orders loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a okay lady that the lower orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the tinker's damn when they bared her pap, '' Mother added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily ashen where the dirt flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way habitation ? '' forefather asked.

'' My admirer Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' Well you are a very favourable boy, '' female parent opined, '' Why had you the money to rival your infatuation you may have wed a stealer. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' sire explained, `` A thousand wop, eh, dulcify the pill eh ! all her requirement and haughtiness, I remember when she was young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to address to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is cleaner and less pathological. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next break of the day I donned my knead clothes and borrowed father 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's pig farm I rode past slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a fold I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice daybreak, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is prissy about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at betting odds with her post.

'' Fresh breeze, pretty daughter, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled carpus against her chastity knock, `` Or that because I have sharp dentition and a stiff bite. ''

'' A kiss then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill sack for a gaberdine but it was loose and her knocker were clearly displayed.

'' I can not break loose you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a sum pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp-worded tooth and pointed elbow. ``

'' Then a heart and soul pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you play along me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her manacle ankle to the pigsty wall, `` I am afraid I am sickly. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I cognise you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past times lifespan, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my unvoiced childbed had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An adorer, and a centre pie you shall get, '' I promised, `` And a jam whore if you please me. ``

'' Do n't bemock, and where have you the money for Proto-Indo European ? '' she asked, `` Proto-Indo European not promises will win my warmheartedness. ``

I went away in lookup of Proto-Indo European, I bought a cut at the Red Lion and a jam cyprian and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so skilful, warm solid food. '' she said and when I gave her the harlot she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you want more then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the odorous piddle from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the yokels do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her switch from her breast and bent my head.

Her tit stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh delight do not rack me with aristocratic kisses take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` Bite me smart me but do not love me for I can not put up it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my backtalk. '' she said and I kissed her replete on the sassing and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not prick. ``
I undid my rear of barrel feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's with child than, '' she said.

She looked so worried, so lovely, I imagined for mo how her transit might be, all favourable fur and expectation beneath the Fe strap and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her chin and nose and eyelids, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` reserve me. '' I took my hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her face, `` You should have allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a longsighted passionate kiss and you shall have a chicken leg and apple pie next meter bye. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to nurse you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a question, `` Why did you steal the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your pursuit ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great collar, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is 20 thong, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your father ! '' I announced.

'' You are vicious with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's pigswill than die hard your company and eat pie and tarts, chocolate even. ``

'' Fare well then my smasher, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my knight blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this meter, all dressed like a Gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your pardon sir but whom should I tell his saving grace for I can not recall your name. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old fool was too strike by my attire to realise who I was and invited me to await in the living room, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom bury a face.

'' Indeed your saving grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed adventurer who sought rich people in the United States of America and succumbed to sea unwellness before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a suit of clothes of dress and a horse in any case. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her interest me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrow than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, pass wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a gymnastic horse and no portion, indeed you should be a perfect match, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall find the key to her sexual morality whang, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pocket, and drew out a silver grey key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your inwardness content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the thing of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a great fondness for Catherine and would wish to take her ingenuousness proven. ``

'' Oh she had a taste for hoop, '' he explained, `` It brought her downfall, an antique of the thirteenth century by its marks I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you associate with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to lead, and to my surprise as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite unusual, indeed very strange to be given a disengage paw with the Lady Catherine of Aragon, indeed although the light was fading I went to see her forthwith, but she was sleeping contentedly under my sawhorse cover so I let her lie.

I said not a Word to Father or Mother but next day I bought roast crybaby leg, and an Malus pumila pie and some special chocolate with lenient centres containing delicately wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse cavalry blanket.

'' She is keeping it dependable for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several meter across the shoulders with a rough branch he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to make yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maidservant. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of chicken, '' she smiled, `` Tell me are you John the Divine, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a terms. '' I handed the Gallus gallus to her and Catherine II gnawed hungrily upon the Gallus gallus leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her chastity belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a Tanzanian shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall lay claim you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall find a soft bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not want me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you fend me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was ex, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can tell from the Marks when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the evaluator Ulysses Simpson Grant. He knew of my founding father and so he allowed me an audience for ten minutes as he was very busy, yet he called his man to cancel his appointee when I explained the situation and that I was enamoured of Catherine the Great and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the birthplace, the tab from the Jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jeweler to master and noblewoman Gower produced a book that the doughnut was resized some years ago for Lady Fowler 's ancestor, '' the justice remembered, `` And he read the assay marks with a spy drinking glass and indeed gave a exact appointment of manufacture some one C of eld prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay stamps do n't ease up the 100 merely the yr it may be thirteenth or 15th or sixteenth century from the style, but not from the Deutschmark sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seeded player of question Mr Matson, '' The judge agreed, `` A seed no Sir Thomas More, but I shall stimulate inquiry, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his prison term and went home. Father-God was in an irritable temper, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A low one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will engage you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a fortune to expend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and Sir Thomas More, a hundred pounds, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis good to hear Saint John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver ingot from my room, `` A depositary, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far Sir Thomas More than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to take advantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a blanket and a hot repast, and I worried that the winter conditions might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't Saint John the Apostle, '' she said as I sought to buss her, `` My lip is foul with the Swineherds emissions. ``

'' Poor poor Catherine, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` Claim me as your own. ``

'' Claim you ? '' I asked.

'' Take away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are proven innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the low gear to you by courier, I engraved With my beloved JM inside it, just a elementary trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a fine antique ring and then denied the natural endowment which is why I languish here, '' her centre welled with split, `` So please never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred pounds, after the quittance of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly bloodless, `` I am so meritless, I presume too a lot. ``

'' volition you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig muck but delight say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes full-of-the-moon of tears and incongruous in her filth, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can have a go at it me then that is my doting regard. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to gather sufficient hogs around her to keep her warm through the long cold night.

'' His Honour justice assignment wishes to see you john, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the greatest urgency. ``

I went to his chambers with the greatest fastness and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The anchor ring, I do think young Fowler may let given it to Miss Maisey bloke, Theodore colleague gal, the merchant do you know. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make research sir, when my conclusion are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall meet at Mr George Ratner 's department store, a abruptly pass away, '' he ordered, `` Ten sharply creative thinker. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the morning, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a flurry of activity I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner department store, the jurist greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And take heed. ``

missy Fellows was a striking young char, she strode into the shop on Haven Street keep company by her maiden and her Mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Henry Watson Fowler this evening. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your anchor ring, '' he said, `` Antique silver, very rare, ''

'' A present from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester cathedral. '' the justice said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her fingerbreadth, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry Miss companion the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand Irish punt or in that region, '' the Mother explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turns they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all tintinnabulation looked much the same but this was fiddling different to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the glass and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did attend very familiar, and plain, I expected a fulgent array of diamonds but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an dedication HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own pack,

'' Ah, Charles Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could accumulate my thoughts.

The jurist gave miss Fellows a receipt for the ring and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Fowlers gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the mien of the jurist he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the freighter line, I have stared at that enough times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacity ? ``

'' Miner, extractor, and a very pitiable Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own hoop I said, `` See here, a ring I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the gang again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro Assay office stamp, and that is no antique, indeed the two pack could have come from the same plaster cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my love HM, the HM is still visible the rest gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servants fourth at the Emporium, the jurist, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the Fellows'dwelling and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Henry Watson Fowler had barely walked in the mansion when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Henry Watson Fowler, I have to question you about an oldtimer silver band. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the evaluator announced as he pulled the ring from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, fare. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and run across me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad caller and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square toes where a tidy number of the great unwashed were already there and I became aware that the court of justice was rapidly filling, the aged Mr Henry Watson Fowler beginner of Francis Fowler was in the seats behind me looking downcast and at once furious and upset, and then when I was seated for a half hour the judge clerk ordered `` All hike, '' and the Judge appeared.

'' If it pleases the inaugural case is Rex versus fowler. Perjury. '' the shop clerk announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your worship, '' an insignificant picayune attorney announced.

'' No it does n't please me get Franics trick Hunstanton Fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the mobile phone escorted by reserves the judge wasted no time, `` Where did you obtain this halo ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon missy buster to evidence you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us visit Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' quiet ! '' the Judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you obtain this oldtimer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my female parent and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave honey Francis for his dear. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine stole ? '' the Judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four Assay scratch. '' the Judge asked.

'' My God Almighty, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient check office and one can not tell in which 100 a bit was marked, merely the twelvemonth from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The Judge replied, `` And when did the Truro power cease to stamp with the Charles Cornwallis seal and begin to use Truro. ``

'' I have no melodic theme, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you enlighten us, '' the Judge asked.

'' Some ten yr ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an demode halo and lied also that Lady Catherine the Great stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the justice ordered, `` I order that Francis John Hunstanton Fowler and Lady Hermione Desdemona Ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Friday week when they shall be tried for perjury, and that missy Catherine II formerly Lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on charges of theft also on Friday, I shall invite applications for bond for both matters in my chambers after this hearing.

I slumped in my seat, the business of the tribulation of Manningham, Divine grey 's gamekeeper for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the larceny of a sawhorse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the Judge retired.

I approached and offered bond for Catherine II, `` How much do you pop the question ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty wop here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send password, but she will need clothing so pass your ten guineas wisely. ``

I had lilliputian meter so I a few servants smocks were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham clink when the Militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunica, `` I have come to fend bail '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean house gabardine, `` And where shall you exact me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then call for me to soap and body of water. '' she demanded.

I had stock indeed but she was unwelcome in any shop class so I purchased such for her and a hair comb and soft leather slipper then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge deck where the road crossed the Trentham river on numerous minuscule low archway and after tethering the sawhorse she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her gaberdine she slipped into the breast oceanic abyss crystal clear water.

She stooped with water up to her articulatio humeri soaping herself and washing herself and the resplendent pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coat of grime and she stood proud and steadfast bodied with not an apothecaries' ounce of supererogatory fat, her bag sweeping from her breast like as let loose perfection, just the crisscross of the whip trails to plague her as the filth slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the sight of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to recoil back out delightedly swishing her long yellow pale yellow like hair's-breadth like a naughty retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the soap slowly did her hairsbreadth regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge parapet curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the water and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and more of spattering and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall take you home, '' I said, `` Your beginner will be concerned. ``

'' liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a deposit house but when questions were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as skipper and handmaid, and as was the practice I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servants that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sober eve with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her quick in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the notion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the dawn, and woke me with a buss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with finicky attention I explored where the virtue belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and exhaust me from your postponement. ``

I took appreciation of her and pried her branch wide and after exploring her softness with my finger eased the easygoing folds asunder and eased the purple head of my manhood into her flabby wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degrees and through her suffering which she staunchly repressed so quarter in by quarter column inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of ardent and wet and tight, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with cacoethes until my potency returned and I entreated her to allow me to enjoyed her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a shilling, and many more than Kenyan shilling for soap, I do believe you owe me the good manners of allowing my tending a few More meter. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The insertion, it distresses me greatly though I try to conquer my aversion out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on unspoilt federal agency that the hurting subsides with drill, '' I informed her, `` And with my outgo I should expect a good few intromission before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was unavailing and pressed home my humanity against her, and when pressed her softness parted like the petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her soft sheepcote enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her small hairsbreadth around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher plane of paradise entirely as she began to moan but with joy and not pain, `` I do believe you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now confess your erotic love and I shall be contentedness indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than passion and in a while her passions overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amounts cum within her to quench her inside fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you enjoy being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our steal with a candy kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our sexual union but the promise of two hundred Irish punt changed his psyche, but the Earl was more awkward, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our consultation and struck a deal with the housekeeper and I took away all the madam Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen British shilling !

The Reverent Bailey agreed to splice us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham court of assize and nisi prius in the court house.

Catherine chose to don her red velvet dress with E. B. White detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should have been, to the impact and consternation of the yokel clustered around the Court who expected her to be draw close naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public buns and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The legal proceeding were over in the wink of an eye.

'' The typeface of Catherine, formerly Lady Catherine the Great Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the criminal prosecution. '' the judge demanded of a small lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a wide-eyed misunderstanding, and I 'm certain Mre cuss and Mr Francis mate would magnanimously forgive the young woman and liberate her from her sentence. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then visit Mr whoremonger Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the witness box as Mrs fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please tell the motor hotel where you obtained it. '' The justice asked, once I had sworn the Truth to tell, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' Show me, '' The Judge insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very a great deal like the fowler one, did you pull in that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for ma'am Catherine, it was engraved `` With my honey HM, but the actor's line have been worn off to will but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Henry Watson Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is clear the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine II, ma'am Catherine your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the issue and should perjury be proven then at a later engagement perhaps you may forget the Court with no stigma upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my equipage, Barrington had offered his inspection and repair once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the definitive elan of a landed gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs terms -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smartness carriage pulled by a matched yoke of Greys,

The Earl Howarth 's Samuel Butler rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine the Great ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' seem just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her father came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our union ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a fair price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not encounter you or her, ''

She set her font like stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made doubtful inquiry and when Catherine approved I bought the manor house house called Boulby manor for a regular birdsong as it was in an unfashionable style, and the regent of the belatedly Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the pursuit Friday tribulation, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the leniency of the jurist so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the justice came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must make up the judgment of conviction which their perjurious argument brought down on the innocent, therefore as laid down Mr Francis fowler shall be sentenced to two hundred lashes and be transported and Mrs Henry Watson Fowler shall weather one hundred whip at solstice and equinox and shall answer noblewoman Catherine of Aragon who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any humble capability she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The time and date were set, snow flurries set the market stead white like faery and made the phase slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the Mother in first, Catherine the Great stared intently, as she was led up the stride to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her heavy winter robe with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the beam they hauled her manpower above her headland, and tore her mantle off her.

'' That was the pip bit John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no approximation, no idea at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is individual, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when ma'am Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tore away her apparel but he struggled and then it was away and simple under things covered her and then with rendings and tearings her tore her to nakedness. not even a celibacy belt protected her modestness, as the pealing of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind panic and all was not well with the slaughter as her flabby flesh split almost the first blow.

There was alarm, and the judge subsidization ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My gentlewoman, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your heart to commute the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My hubby and I shall adminiser the blows at a worthy rate nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my bull as I should detest for him to return from the antipode with a fortune. ``

'' A Isaac Mayer Wise and compassionate thought, '' the justice agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a feeling of pity Lady Catherine has agreed that the eyelash shall be applied at her home and in improver has petitioned that Mr Francis Henry Watson Fowler should be spared Department of Transportation and instead lashed in the billet of his aforesaid mother and consigned to do the fuzz. ``

The female parent was thus cut down and the Fowler son in round brought up, the hayseed lost interest but the maids became concerned in their number as his jacket and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the ray of light by a rope round his manacled handwriting, and then his breeches were hauled down and the first shock was administered across his left berm and then a minute across his right hand shoulder, and he bore it stoically while ten or Thomas More blows were landed and then in the manner of such people he began to break dance down, but it was not until after the first 20 blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's buttocks that the titter of laugh for as the blows landed so his manhood found the gap in his under knee breeches and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both short and fat it caused huge merriment, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the blows continued it reared obscenely and his smiler reddened with embarrassment.

'' Look, ! '' was the yell, taken up around the square, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a wicked good sense of mischief the whips-man flashed the whip between Fowlers legs and oceanic abyss into his lumbus and all at once his manhood became animated and spewed Forth River such a disgusting greyish substance, like three day old milk, that stalwart adult female fainted.

'' To think I might have married that ? '' Catherine of Aragon gasped, `` I own six calendar month in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling articulatio genus and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away senseless to the pokey to convalesce before a further session a hebdomad hence.

Catherine and I stepped down among the commencement and we travelled home by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to find permanent wave employ with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine II was despondent although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want Father and mother at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver