captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Lowell Jackson Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't ease up a bugger what you bloody think because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a bloody bad misstep back from USA on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me brass were safe and went to see bloody federal agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishings to tally. Agent were a slimy motherfucker with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood damn desk about the size of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day master, I am delighted to forgather you at shoemaker's last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me governing body,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the unlettered Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you have in mind memorial tablet,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a scant haired gorilla in a black dress with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody unknowing Lanky sod ent it ?"

"plaque is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy motherfucker said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped fill out bank and paid it in quick. Daft bastard on return near fainted at sizing of bank check but I drew out a fair few quid and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody days voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in bank and could fare domicile instead of scratting round down Confederate States of America America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour headmaster what were a Paraguay tea of mine, we had a chat for a few min then I asked"Where's slave marketplace, I fancies a gracious plump fresh brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have striver in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody sin do I witness a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody favourable to get hold one in Salford at all, thee'll have to espouse a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, jeopardy whore theater or get married a nob. Marrying a nob seemed good idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner party computer menu exterior. and it were just after midday so I thought I would deliver a bite to eat. Now I ent thickly or nowt but I couldn't make head or fundament o menu so I thought I woud ask server. Turns out they has dinner at tea fourth dimension and noon time was lunch. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager descend up to me and asked me business,"looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be utter mind."

He got haywire end of peg and suggested a couple of whore household.

"Nay I want a womanhood for dungeon see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an asset see, not keep forking out for woman of the street cashbox I gets damn clack and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep slave anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Almighty wi his backrest to us over there's got more than girl than you can shake a stick at, why not induce him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old old codger talking to his first mate over a shaving of fish and bead o wine-colored that woudn't sustain a crashing church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a brace of daughters to offload like ?"I says heterosexual person out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face up me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no house catamount I'm bloody maitre d'hotel bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody establishment you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two stage, two arms, couple of bloody pap, own teeth, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his checkmate, a simpering butt dressed like a veracious panderer says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your posting right."

"I ent playing no bloody bill,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody board sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his first mate grabbed his arm.

"Saint George, think, he'll pay,"this cuss said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my firm directly and encounter my girl ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The feller lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lick of paint and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet de chambre, to the servants quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Albert Guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and verbalize me fucking mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me bloody belt mark thee bloody ass."

"I beg your free pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an frightful bitch,"I says,"promise you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay mesen to poke thee."

"This is my wife maitre d',"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chops, we her dainty deal and half inch long finger nails."Feisty piece ent she ?"

"senior pilot Beckinthwaite wish to royal court one of our daughters dearest,"the blighter says, I sort of guessed he was God Almighty McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my bushed physical structure,"peeress Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deadly Stanford White,"captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody incubus,"I said,"Storms, tempest, bloody provender pee pump bloody mandrel bloody secretor bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody ass in weeks."

"Capain please,"peeress Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full phase of the moon on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, high bloody time to bloody settee down."

"And you seek to Court my daughters ?"gentlewoman Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more blinking like,"I said,"Don't judgement bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her similar thee and he does soon as bally Lordship'back 's turned."

pantryman blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit blinking nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

peeress Mc knew when to restrain stum so she showed us into parlour."little girl,"she says,"Come and meet maitre d'hotel er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first lady friend were knockout, light-haired hair's-breadth on her shoulder joint, drear eyes, public square rigged dress showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaid, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the little girl asked.

"Bloody full-bodied and in need of a fucking shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me bloody head and you're a peach and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of loveliness followed into the way,"Victoria,"ma'am Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody underworld, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a crashing hangover. Wi her curtly hair and scowling face if it had n't been for her tit you 'd have thought she were a blinking bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your damn bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"peeress Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a damn bloke or a blooming bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"commodity then we are in accord police chief,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an albatross nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody wooer are a bit thinly on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no pastime in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, good opportunity her were a bloody virgin, if I blew bally candle out it wouldn't matter what her flaming look looked like.

"well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me damn end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a blooming Virgo I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"captain !"master Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to contain her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody finger, take it or go forth it."

"We really take the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this behemoth for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody wife lass, not just a bloody cocotte to shag, someone to look after me blooming home, cook, scavenge expression after damn nestling, that variety o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love or affectionateness then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bally affection, I just wants a flaming shag, you wo n't do effective than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer captain is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Almighty Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket full of gold.

"Take a methamphetamine of wine Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other girl insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her sedate down a minute,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a decent Madeira River wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to overwhelm a bloody black eye, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"Stop it, stop it mother I would rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody price, what's incorrectly wi her."

I stood up and went where the female child went, following the sound up the steps me hobnail boots clattering on fresh polished oak base, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber maidservant and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her apparel off and looked like she been whacked across cheek with a utterly Melanogrammus aeglefinus. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her girdle and knee length stockings, no knickers or nothing but showing her privates and nice creamy thigh.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her wooden leg wide,"Take a aspect Captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you damn yobbo, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But captain,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of light off me obelisk blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd belt down your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to force a blooming wench to make love me in me bloody life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her helping hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me finger's breadth gently up her thighs and then I started to component part her cunt lips with me finger's breadth. It weren't the offset time. Her cunt was well used.

"tone like you been blooming shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of line not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"Well your bloody hymen ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me all-fired sister doing a clock time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirate belt and let me trews fall,"let call it our little bloody arcanum shall us ?

"expression Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody strangers to a doll's snatch and wi me thumb on her little nub her mamilla were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing wakeless

"Bloody fortnight wi out a fuck,"I explained,"Can't gestate me to bar now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But police captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no respectable ramming me putz at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck opening, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her heap. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh till I got me tongue in the channel between her backtalk down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody read me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her centre were like saucers, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an backbone up a hawse pipe.It were crashing heaven. right hand in till me ballock were banging on her private parts,"What the bloody Inferno size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody fucked ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the bloody piece of ass. Once I shot me blooming cargo in thee its for flaming life like, if thee can't tum it say now and I'll shoot me flaming load over thee belly and say no More about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me fucking load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind warmness under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to burgeon forth a dose of hot tinder up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your high-risk Captain."

Me balls was bally crinkling and me cock was bloody throb and suddenly it were too later for damn pullin'out and she was well fucked with me succus pumping in her like a pint of Isaac Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next prison term perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me bloody tool arduous I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may soak up my mammilla if it helps to bestir you."And with that she pulled her tits right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest of drawers against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her stopping point. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bloody fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Jehovah and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old fella, felicitation,"nobleman Mc chortled,"Let us let the engagement announced in Lancashire evening post.

"Bugger that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down bloody seaport and I can do blooming marriage, no bloody need to waste all-fired brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you recognise after we fucked a prison term or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the lightness behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody virtuoso and no mistake, even if she do come from bloody Lancashire .