Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a sod what you bloody think because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a bloody bad trip back from America on Steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me brass were dependable and went to see bloody factor first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishings to match. agent were a Slimy bastard with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over svelte bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a bally cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to meet you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass section,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody psyche,"I explained to the unknowing Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the face,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant governing body,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a poor haired Gorilla gorilla in a black apparel with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"nerve, Money,"I said,"Bloody uncomplicated enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky sodomite ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of bull and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a blooming fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking Price,"the slimy asshole said rooking me,"The cheque please missy Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in straightaway. Daft cocksucker on counter near fainted at sizing of cheque but I drew out a average few pound sterling and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody days voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in banking company and could come nursing home instead of scratting round down South America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour master what were a mate of mine, we had a chat for a few proceedings then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a squeamish plump fresh browned one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slave in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let well-nigh of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I find a Nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bally lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, danger whore house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at faggot Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner Menu outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would suffer a bit to eat. Now I ent deep or nowt but I couldn't make head or shadow o carte du jour so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner party at tea clock time and noon clip was dejeuner. Anyroad I had a feed.

manager come up to me and asked me business organization,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be staring mind."

He got damage end of stick and suggested a couple of harlot houses.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a bonnie bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not keep forking out for bawd till I gets blinking clap and me cock bunk off."

"You can't retain slaves anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of sexual morality belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Creator wi his rachis to us over there's got more daughter than you can shake a stick at, why not make him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his couple over a sliver of fish and cliff o wine that woudn't sustain a fucking church mouse.

"That's Handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no sign of the zodiac painter I'm bloody captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"look if its bloody plaque you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two legs, two arms, pair of bloody mamilla, her own tooth, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can execute in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering bottom dressed like a right pimp says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody cards,"I said,"Hard John Cash, I knows too many bloody card sharps."

"I have never been so affront sir,"he says, but his first mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dower he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my theater directly and meet my daughters ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too peachy but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a poke of rouge and the butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet de chambre, to the handmaiden quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"chieftain Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody brain. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me bloody belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an unworthy bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay me to intrude thee."

"This is my married woman skipper,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No discourtesy like,"I says as she belts me round the chops, we her dainty hand and half in long finger nails."Feisty patch ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite wish to court one of our girl devout,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my short body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all ally here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his side went a deathly tweed,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"violent storm, Tempest, bloody feed water pump bloody mandrel bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a crashing shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"peeress Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut entire on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, high bloody time to bloody nail down down."

"And you seek to court my girl ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more crashing like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'rear 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit blinking nail on't bloody school principal, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to keep back stum so she showed us into sitting room."Girls,"she says,"seed and meet police captain er, what is your figure ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first-class honours degree young lady were knockout, blonde hair on her berm, blue heart, square rigged garb showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servant, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my endorsement eldest,"lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody rich and in need of a bloody piece of ass,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody brain and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another visual modality of lovliness followed into the elbow room,"Victoria,"Lady Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody pit, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a damn hangover. Wi her short hair and scowling face if it had n't been for her tits you 'd hold thought she were a bloody bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your flaming bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a fucking fellow or a blooming girlfriend eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nestle in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody wooer are a bit sparse on bloody dry land,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit flaming fast, right fortune her were a bally Virgo the Virgin, if I blew flaming candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody grimace looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me damn end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a crashing virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"Captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"greaseball, to take her off thi bloody custody and put a ring on her bloody finger, take it or leave it."

"We really necessitate the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this devil for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a all-fired wife lass, not just a bloody woman of the street to shag, someone to appear after me bloody menage, cook, clean look after fucking kids, that sorting o thing."I ventured.

"No simulation of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bloody shtup, you wo n't do ameliorate than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer captain is no, never."She stormed away in a blooming strop.

"Feisty firearm ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

noble Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pouch wax of gold.

"strike a shabu of wine Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other girl insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her settle down down a moment,"God Almighty Mc suggested,"I have a prissy Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a flaming pint."I said. He gave me about decent to drown a bloody computer mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a commotion,"Get off me !"I heard the girlfriend protest,"block it, discontinue it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a bazaar bloody price, what's damage wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the audio up the stairs me hobnail boots clattering on sassy polished oak level, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber maids and the housekeeper. poor people Francis had her frock off and looked like she been whacked across face with a bushed Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her stays and knee length stockings, no knickers or nothing but showing her privates and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her peg across-the-board,"Take a looking Captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody bullies, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But police chief,"Lady Mc replied but the flicker of luminosity off me obelisk blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to slay me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd bolt down your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to force a all-fired bird to have sex me in me fucking life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her paw away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't lather, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingers gently up her second joint and then I started to part her cunt lips with me fingers. It weren't the first metre. Her cunt was well used.

"expression like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a matter ?"

"fountainhead your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a fucking bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews dusk,"Army of the Righteous address it our lilliputian bloody secret shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody stranger to a chick's cunt and wi me thumb on her little nub her bosom were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing large

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't gestate me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no just ramming me dick at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her cervix, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her mound. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her second joint public treasury I got me tongue in the channel between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her puss was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or flaming never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee damn necessitate me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were care dish aerial, she said nowt but grasped me pommel and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody bitch like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were bloody heaven. Right in trough me Lucille Ball were banging on her genitals,"What the bloody Hell size bloody wax light youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody roll in the hay ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the bally roll in the hay. Once I shot me bloody load in thee its for bloody life sentence like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me bloody loading over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me blinking incumbrance over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind mettle under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a dose of hot heart up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me formal was bloody crinkling and me cock was flaming throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bally pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bath first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"suck me bloody sashay unvoiced I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may nurse my teat if it help rouse youl."And with that she pylled her bosom right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest of drawers against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and enthrone off and held her close. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your glossa in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was damn piece of ass again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old crevice, praise,"Lord Mc chorted,"Let us have the engagement announced in Lancashire evening post.

"Bugger that I'm a bloody sea chieftain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down bloody harbour and I can do bloody wedlock, no bloody indigence to waste bloody brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you have intercourse after we fucked a prison term or two her started bloody smiling at me and her looking at quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the igniter behind her. But at end of all-fired day its what they fucks like what affair and she's damn champion and no bloody mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .