Letter to a love. We all have had someone in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life, others, like me, have lost them.
To my honey lulu,

Well, it 's been three old age since the last time I saw you. Three old age since I 've heard your jest. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, peach to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still spill the beans to you and desire you can hear me. Every time I close my oculus, I see your smiling grimace. There are times I 'll be out, and swear I hear your jest across the way.

I 've been camping one, maybe two clock time since you left. It 's just not the Same without you to blame on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda miss my scraggy little passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three eld, I 've more or less kind of existed. certain, I 've tried to displace on, line up a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. Distance, time, personallity conflict, all have been factors in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and intelligent life, and every time he closes his eyes, he sees you, to cue him of the hell that he 's caused. '' trust me sweetheart, I do.

I 'm not sure enough whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do sleep together deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to bruise, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my unsuccessful person on a daily, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many ways. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did love you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the decently ways, our circumstances prevented me showing you my sexual love. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get regretful, but, more scared that you would actually reject my passion, which would crush what little emotional state I had. There was also a social aspect beauty, the erotic love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at least toward you people would frown. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the center or somewhere else. Knowing how companionship works, that could n't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a straight late passion in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The little matter, the smile at just me, even when you were crying. The way your optic seemed to fire up up. The times that you 'd want to drop fourth dimension just the two of us. The random hug, the occasional `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little augury you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to exchange any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many affair differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the painful sensation I caused. It 's my burden, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The words are just words, i can say `` I 'm no-count '' a billion times a day, and it would n't get to any difference. No amount of `` I 'm meritless '' can institute you back, or claim away the pain in the ass that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm sorry '' that really subject, is the one cryptical inside of my heart, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm cursed to live the lifespan that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be wholly again. I will cover to exist, probably for a very tenacious time, but, I 'll never find as truly happy as I did. Three longsighted class, is just the first footstep into the life history that I will moderate. That life sentence started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moments of bliss, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I recall what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not trusted that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm gladiola, and proud to have shared in your life for as long as I had, I just wish that I could birth done better.
We ca n't change our past, only hope that our past does n't destroy our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have got seen it as a different type of love, I 'm regretful for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your memory. I love you, and have loved you for a very long time, I just care I had been smart enough to demonstrate you.


Lovingly,

Chris