“ The Judgment of SGT. J": A Short Introduction

I would care to thank everyone for your emails thanking me for sharing my life account"vacillation in the locality"with you all. In telling my story I never thought I would get the response I did ; especially from fellow veteran. It was just not from Vietnam veterans but from vets who had served recently in Iraq, Afghanistan and some places I did not even know we were involved.

Most were thanking me for showing them that there were others like themselves. They thought they alone walked this ground with their ogre. They did not make that many of us have been into the darkness. nearly had kept their demons hidden from those around them. most could only blame the demons on sexual love lost or friends that were no longer friends.

A lot took my advice of talking to a do it one or just talking to a cuss vet. They found as I had long ago that talking about your demons that you carry ; lessen the lading of the spare baggage we returned rest home with after the war. It always brought a grin to my face and filled my heart with warmth when they would severalise me in their emails.

"Thanks to your tale Sgt. J I am dealing with my demons."“ My wife has noticed I deal with unremarkable stress better and she now understands why I had trouble dealing with them in the maiden place."“ Sgt. J you have shown me there is hope for me after all."“ I have drove two wife away because of my fiend and was about to lose my third, thanks Sgt. J for showing me the way out of the darkness and into my wife ‘ s arms again."Those were just a few bits of the many email I received from you my readers.

I had more than a few vet's married woman email me thanking me for finally getting their hubby to tell them about the fiend they had brought back with them. Their husbands never shared that voice of their life with them and after hearing, what some had been through. It gave them an understanding of why that the man they fell in love with was no longer with them.

In almost all the emails I received most desire to know two things. One was just how that class of mine is doing. The second was when you are going to spell again. I had the living of my family when I wrote my aliveness level as they thought it would be good therapy.

I did not know that I was about to identify myself on an emotional roller coaster in composition of my lifetime. I relived every single chapter I wrote. I relived that damn Vietnam War which I do every day anyways. I felt the pain, the despair of losing loved ones as well as the suffering some endured in my storey. I even felt each kiss and the strokes of Carrie's handwriting to my human face as I wrote my story.

Due to some Holocene events in my life-time, I feel it is my duty to add to my life story. I was not going to do this however, the class I hold good and near to my heart encouraged me as well as prodded me to write once more. The independent drive force has been my lovely daughter Sherri.

"dad you have to drop a line about what happened,"Sherri said to me."You owe it not only to your readers but to yourself as well,"she added.

I was unsure of whether to write of the recent events in my life. Mainly because the recent case had caused me to question myself on most of the determination, I had made during my lifespan. I agreed to publish again but only if my fellowship would help me with my project.

There will be chapters with them telling of past events they shared or endured with me. I am doing so I can see if my decisiveness I had chosen in my life were the correctly ones or had I caused more harm than good. It is not well-to-do to query ones self without knowing just how the person you may have got touched tone as well.

Let me premise you the quest writer who will be telling their story of my invasion into there lives. I am married to two lovely women Kay and Cathy. Kay is my effectual wife while Cathy is my given married woman as Kay rather gave her to me. Sherri is Kay's daughter who I adopted years ago and she has only ever known me as pa. To me she will always be my short princess who I love and adore as if she was my own.

Sherri is married to Duke a decorated war veteran soldier like myself. They have a mellifluous daughter by the name of Michelle who is now 11 going on 16. While she calls me"PAPA ”, my family and Friend call me John. You my readers know me as SGT. J.

Kay, Cathy and Sherri have decided to be our Edgar Albert Guest writers as long as I help them. My granddaughter Michelle will not be writing because as a household we have hidden to the highest degree from her. She only knows her"PAPA,"has the one who spoils her. Duke is undecided as of now but he may link up us when and if the time is decent. His reasoning to me was as come :

"I can not speak wickedness against one like myself, a ground forces forest fire fighter, for we are comrade. For any who speaks against a brother or Book of Judges his brother, speaks evil against the codification and judges the code. For if you judge the code, you are not a doer of the code but a judge."

"There is but one lawmaker and justice, he who is capable to save and to destroy. So who am I to judge you ?

I believe the boy has been hanging around me for too long. If you were a new reader of this story, then you would be doing yourself a favour in reading my early taradiddle"Swinging in the Neighborhood"from the commencement in order to infer me as well as others in my tarradiddle. There are 31 Chapters to that story so I decided to write a new story entitled,"The Judgment of Sgt. J."

My floor is one of war, love story, sex, bother, desperation, and of the tragedies, my family unit or I have faced. Mine is a news report filled with ghosts from the past times as well as an holy person that guides my soul. You may feel yourself shaking your promontory in disgust over a chapter or you may find oneself yourself in teardrop feeling the emotion as well as the hurt and despair I type with to you. I pull no poke or whitewash over any event in my lifetime as I write.

For I write the only way I know and that is from my affection. The emotions I feel when I write I try to get you feel as well. I do this not because I want you to feel my anguish, the pain, the hurt someone or I face in my chronicle. I do it because you must experience it in ordination to understand it. In doing so, you may determine that you even understand yourself a little better. I look in my mirror every day and I see myself. Whom do you see ?

I am not looking for you to finger sorry for me nor do you owe me anything. I do not indite out of self-pity for myself. I accepted the deal circumstances dealt to me when I played cards with him and the Grime Reaper during Socialist Republic of Vietnam. I write this way only because like many early men I live by the code.

"What code is that ?"You ask.

'' accuracy, laurels, bravery and the braveness to take legal action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is mightily and just, ''"To never commit up hope,"I say to you as my lips tremble.

I have followed and lived by that code going on 44 years now. Since 1969 back when I was a mere boy from the neighborhood combat in a earth they called Vietnam. I went to that war because a girl had broken my heart. I also unknowing broke another girl's middle when I ran off to that damn war.

That girls name was Carrie I knew not of her feelings for me for I was too unreasoning to consume seen them. She had written me letters during my two years in that hellhole. I never read any of them until I was on my way home from my 1st term of enlistment. If I had only read them before I might not have signed up for the second one. I fell in making love with her and wanted to make her my wife. However, I was afraid I would only make her a widow.

I returned to that realm they called Vietnam War a changed person. My first spell had turned me from a mere boy into a man. Some would even say a crazed man as the monster within me controlled to the highest degree of my natural action during that sentence keeping me safe. During my second circuit in Vietnam, I was at betting odds with the monster within me as well as myself. The monster wanted to play war while all I wanted to do was to be home with Carrie in my arms.

With the auditory sensation of"clink centering,"my war was over. Four men walked that jungle this dark only one would walk out of it. individual in our scouting patrol had stepped on a mine. Three brave men lost their lives that night while another walked under the jungle canopy that Nox mortally wounded. I should not have even been able-bodied to strike let alone base on balls. Something inside me took over and I had but one purpose that dark which was to make it back home to Carrie.

I awoke some months later from a coma in a hospital in Nippon. Carrie was there waiting for me to yield from the dead. However, I returned a stop man ; shrapnel littered my chest, my back and legs. The doctors told Carrie and me there was a piece of shrapnel near my spine that had caused nigh of the wrong. There was also a belittled musical composition near my heart.

"We can not remove the one near his heart and for right now it is causing him no problems and would probably kill him if we did remove it,"The physician said."The one at his pricker we can remove but there is a prospect he would be paralyzed for lifespan in doing so,"he added.

I had him operate on me not to make me complete again. I was hoping I would die during this operation thus joining the person of the men I lost in Vietnam War. I wanted my war to be finally over however it was to become only the beginning.

I survived the operation and I would have to find another way to link my fallen associate. I faced a John R. Major battle in my convalescence. I did not want to live and look at with what lies ahead of me which was months of therapy to regain the use of my pegleg and my arm. If not for Carrie being at my position, I would not be writing this today.

I tried to send her away as I was unsure if I would ever walk again. I became helpless when she was with me. I had her handwriting me something that I could cause easily reached for with my working arm. I tried to win over her I was no foresightful that man she had fallen in love with old age ago.

Carrie would not let me give up on myself or on us. She would go my legs with her hands day by day bending them at my knees. I only sunk deeper into my own depression as well as into the swarthiness that surround my psyche. That war had given me more than just my injury ; it had scarred my mind for life for I carried demons with me from that war, creatures that walked in the night.

Carrie went on with doing what she thought was aright moving my legs daily for the next two week or so. The side by side day when she came into my room and started to drill my wooden leg, I by passed my center as I unleashed the ogre I carried in my soul.

"Get your shit fucking hired hand off my useless legs,"I yelled at her.

"John, don't say stuff like that when you do it means you have given up hope,"Carrie replied."Remember this always John,"“ Never give up Leslie Townes Hope,"Carrie added smiling at me.

"I GAVE up on hope after hearing the chink snap and it did not require my fucking lifetime,"I screamed at her like some eccentric of a lunatic.

Carrie looked to me with unhappiness in her lovely blue eyes as she said,"If you gave up on Bob Hope then you have given up on us as well, John."“ Goodbye can, I am leaving and you will never see me again,"Carrie added as she started out of the hospital room.

I watched Carrie walking toward the door. Suddenly that phonation within my head that had guided me through Viet Nam. The one I called the monster within spoke loudly in my head.

"SGT. J you stop that female child NOW,"the monster within said.

"CARRIE, delight don't leave me alone,"I screamed from my infirmary bed.

Carrie walked back to the bed where she stroked her gentle manus against the English of my nerve as she said,"still, Hush my erotic love or the animal of the night will get you."

"I am no-good Carrie, please do not ever go out me for I fear being alone,"I replied to her.

"John, as long as you have hope you are never alone."Carrie said smiling at me.

I looked up into her lovely gentle eyes. They sparkled and shined as I stared into them. Her eyes took me to our glad office by the lake. The place I went to in my mind to be with her during Vietnam.

I stared into her eyes as the gentle lapping of the waves against the shoreline filled my ears. I saw the moon dancing across the water with to many asterisk to count behind it. Carrie was standing there with her branch out and receptive waiting for me to join her as her retentive light-haired haircloth blew gently in the night's duck soup.

My intellect seemed to go blank until I heard the monster with in say,"SGT.J you move your leg now and that is an order SGT."

My leg gave a jerking much to Carrie and to my surprisal. I should receive known better for the monster within was my friend and he had kept me active for the finally three years while in the jungle of Vietnam. He was once again helping me to live on. Carrie wrapped her weapon around me as I lie in bed. I felt my leftfield arm twitch as if it wanted to hug her back.

Carrie pulled away from me as she said,"See what a little hope can do for you."

It was a long hard conflict almost two years but with Carrie's help, a little promise and the monster within I walked down the aisle marrying her on June 3, 1974. Carrie finished college earning a doctoral-level degree in psychology. She wrote her term paper based on me as she tried to help me to allot with my Vietnam memory board and the devil I brought back. We even started a little documentation group where Carrie helped me as well as other Socialist Republic of Vietnam vets who worked for us to handle with our problems.

spirit was near and Carrie and I enjoyed it to the fullest. We had money and a mental synthesis company my uncle had turned over to me. We lived the lifestyle in which we grew up back in our neighbourhood that being swingers. We even turned our short sign on the lake into a swinger hideaway. sprightliness was good and while I was still having nightmares and flashbacks to that maledict war. As long as Carrie was with me, I would survive them.

Then we gave up on swinging deciding it was time to get down a household. Vision of having a family with Carrie would always fulfill my mind when I was doing my job in Vietnam. idea like those were severe for one during war as I found out the hard way. I wanted Carrie as my wife and maybe three or four children running around. That was my Leslie Townes Hope, my aspiration however ; all I got was a nightmare that has lasted all these old age.

Carrie became fraught near the end of September 1979. She became even more beautiful to me during that time. That charwoman and our unborn fry had become the sole thing I cared about or ever wanted.

I lost Carrie the woman I loved with my heart and soul on May 10, 1980. I never got to go for our unborn daughter Melissa as well. I can not bear reliving that nightmare so if you seek details find them in Chapter 12 of my life story.

My life was over I could not and did not want to go on support. I did what I had done all my life I ran. I sold that star sign on the lake we had called dwelling house, as it was no longer like a rest home to me. We also owed a home in a near by township as I always worried about her being alone during the difficult winters on the lake, which I did not deal, but it sat fresh by anyone for many age a forgotten winter dwelling house for Carrie and our tiddler to be secure in while I battled winter violent storm coming off the lake in a snowplow truck.

I told everyone I was going to angle my way out to California just to see that sunset Carrie used to separate me she enjoyed. That was my extend story for running away. I took to the bottleful, drugs or anything that could take my pain sensation away. Losing Carrie had taken everything from me, all I had left were the demons I carried with me. I no longer had any dreaming or Hope for a future.

nine or eleven calendar month later, I decided I have had sufficiency. I had just been in a bar fight in which I would have taken another man's life if it was not for the ghost of Carrie stopping me. This was not the first fourth dimension her ghost had visited me nor would it be her last. I returned to my hotel room with the answer to all my problems.

I sat on the edge of the bed as I picked up the 45. I chambered a round before I shoved the barrel into my mouth. My backtalk tasted exemption as the barrel slipped into my oral cavity. I closed my center as a vision filled my head.

The placate lapping of the lake's water against the shoreline filled my capitulum. I saw the lunation as it danced across the water. The Nox sky had many asterisk shining bright too many for me to count. I saw Carrie standing there with her arms folded shaking her head back and Forth.

She looked like an holy man as she stood there at the amnionic fluid edge the Moon silhouetting her. She had a glow around her and she looked even more beautiful than I remembered her ever looking.

"Put the gun down, John,"Carrie said as she opened her arms for me motioning for me to derive to her.

I went to her candid implements of war taking her into mine. I hugged her tightly as I said,"It's the solitary way to be with you my love."

Carrie pushed me from her arms as she replied,"Saint John, if you do that I will not hold back for you."Carrie rubbed her bridge player to the side of my face as she added,"Always remember John, to last in inwardness we leave behind is not to die."

Carrie started to languish away and before she was gone she said,"Remember John never give up hope and I will always be here for you just wait to your gist when you need me."

That was the for the first time time Angel Carrie came into my life. From then on she guided me down the road we call life history. I went to rehab and got my life back together. When I hit a prominence in the road, I looked to my heart. backer Carrie was soon there to lead me in the mightily direction. I asked saint Carrie once during a dream just what her purpose in guiding me was.

"Others will need you and the codification you follow, whoremaster,"Angel Carrie said smiling at me.

"`` the true, Honor, bravery and the courage to take natural action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is decent and just, ''"To never give up hope,"those discussion filled my mind.

Those who have followed my news report know I have followed and used those codes much through my spirit. Angel Carrie guided me to three lost souls trapped and lost within their own darkness. They were Kay, her daughter Sherri and Cathy. Really, it was two as to Cathy ; I had driven her into the darkness.

I have followed these codes faithfully for 44 years never once questioning them or straying from them. In breaking one of my code, I began to wonder my judgement of everything I have done in my animation. Had I really helped those around me or have I only caused them more injury ?

'' Sojourner Truth, Honor, fearlessness and the courage to take action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is correct and just, ''"To never establish up hope,"those Word of God I would say proudly as one of the very number one Army commando.

During my tours in Viet Nam, I was with the Long Range reconnaissance mission Patrol ( LRRP ) and Long Range Patrol company ( also known as Lurps ) which began in the mid-1960s as a reactive requirement to the US Army 's lack of whole capable of reconnaissance mission behind enemy stock. On 1 January 1969, under the new U.S. Army armed combat blazon Regimental System ( automobile ), these unit of measurement turned into Rangers in Dixieland Vietnam within the 75th foot Regiment ( Ranger ). I was with the 75th during this time so I became a ranger.

Today's rangers earn their title while men like me in Vietnam were given the title of respect. However, we earned ours in combat. Others judged us on and by our actions as well. All of us were leave to chip in our life's to stop anyone from taking or removing one's freedom. Our natural action over in Vietnam helped to aim next army rangers for today's warfare.

Those words do not look important to me any longer. They used to mean a lot to me especially"Never give up hope."We had added that one when I returned family from Socialist Republic of Vietnam bringing with me fiend from that war. The one I broke is probably the most authoritative one to me and one, which has had the most bearing on my life,"Never give up hope."

Those language have echoed in my creative thinker since the day Carrie used them at me in the hospital after my war was over. She would order them to me and fellow Vietnam oldtimer back in 74 and 75. During this time, we were trying to avail other veterinary surgeon who like me had brought demons home with them from Vietnam. She would always end our meetings we held at our petty sign on the lake with those words. I had always held those language close and near to my inwardness since that dark holy person Carrie stopped me from pulling the trigger on that 45 in my mouth.

It was not just one issue but also a serial of case that led to breaking of the code. It all started with the Vietnam War War, as you will see as the story plays out as I write it. That dam war has been a persona or a player in my life history for 44 years. I curse it forever happening and myself forever becoming involved with it. That dam war of tenacious ago came back to ghost me worst than it ever had in the past.

I am writing this introduction for the benefits of any new readers to my news report. It will return them an idea of what kind of somebody I was. For I am no longer certain if maybe those who I have had contact with are honest off today or not. Thoughts of Kay, Sherri and Cathy fill my mind as well as I of my beloved Carrie and anyone else I have had contact with might have been better off if they had never met me. I am here writing this new story due to the upshot that happened recently in my life that caused to me to go against my computer code.

As I type, I am sitting in legal opinion of myself. My tale does not have an ending yet as you, the referee will discover the ending as I decide upon it. The events leading up to all of this will be onward coming through the chapters that follow. I will be reliving my liveliness through the eyes of those who lived it with me. I hope that I will see just whether those whose lives I touched are better with me or without me.

I end this introduction to my new narrative with a quote that I once heard.

There is a saying in Tibetan,"Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength."“ No matter what sort of trouble, how painful experience is, if we lose our Leslie Townes Hope, that 's our material disaster."
― Dalai Lama XIV

The first chapter will be out on Friday afternoon following this short introduction and others chapters will follow. How many I can not say other than as many as it takes. As always, I look forward to your comments and your emails. If nothing else just stop by and tell Sgt. J"howdy again."
Sgt. J