Nozzer's get-go Gay sex.

It's humour not knockout core.

We was down the Flying Horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the lucifer looking for a few away athletic supporter to remind them that their squad may be amend at kicking balls but we was serious at kicking bollocks if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on form. He kept gasping for breath and perspiration and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a rhythm in, It was getting late, tribe was leaving."Keep the alteration,"I says.

"What variety you owe another ten hammering L,"the know it all coach shouts earning himself a good kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us put off with nine pints and a packet of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to scud her tits, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her cleavage, could throw seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after lads ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me fuzz maybe, and there's summat good on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat right with sixty bloody line,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just sank them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to undo it up."Mikey suggested.

"motive summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't hold his beer. Ten pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the route when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how queers started,"I said,"Some piteous bastard couldn't shit so his mate buggered him to undo it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the waiting area bar where several sharply dressed blokes was sat rung. I knew one of them, peter"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything meth,"Nozzer said through a haze of booze fume,"Anything."

I went into the couch, They was all there, gay as fuck, all sharp lawsuit and that. One had a dress on. Lovely shade of garden pink, pity he hadn't had a shaving for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate fancy you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, frailty pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit loose tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly cock up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"fountainhead it used to be remember ?"I said,"When you used to get a hard on in the showers ?"

"Oh,"he said,"wellspring what did you have a bun in the oven all those slippery well strengthen masculine torso just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancy batting for your side or at least having a trial,"I says.

He stared me rightfield in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll moving-picture show it on me telephone set, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his Virgo the Virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the lock in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm happy with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me seat and tells Nozzer,"Turns out Nige phantasy you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

ringlet in started around eleven, Sandra locks and bolted the doorway, hung her bloomers on the door pommel and started selling durex at ten quid a throw before she sat on the billiard table, legs ranch wide-cut and started wanking with a bottleful of Newcastle brown. Newcastle Brown I ask you ! No class that bint, she had void Champagne bottles and Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright ping pussy lips.

affair was she had no takers ‘ cause everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the fellow had their phones out and the other lot, them what batted for the other side of meat, had their dick out wanking.

Nozzer had his trousers down as he bent over the Billiard Table, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum segmentation when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Levis and M & S Wye figurehead round out his articulatio talocruralis while Nige hauled his dick out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a dainty subtlety of super acid if I remember right. He had a right bloomer. Mine would take turned inside out and done a runner if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

mortal splashed some lubricator over Nige's stopcock, I say lube, it might have been gear case oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to business concern, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining greens cut through member eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the tight opening slowly easing open from the strong pressure sensation of his rearing fellow member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the shank for more purchase and grunted with the endeavor. beadwork of sweat broke out on his eyebrow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's cock hung down like a wizened white turnip. The cock in his ass felt skilful, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this time he slid in a lot well-fixed, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten dry pint of Stella and a poulet Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige driving force in but something was pushing back. His feet began to slip. His hammer was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the stuff of nightmares. Hs putz was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the dreaded shit python.

"For screwing sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his pants and landed on his back.

The python stuck its brown pass out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solid dick of dogshit oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the daub, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine colossus shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big Brown ophidian coiled up ready to discover."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

poor people old Nige was in melt down."Jesus !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took ruth on him she expertly peeled off his condom using an interior out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh short Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bean,"seminal fluid to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a flash of inspiration, she popped her left tit out for Nige to suck on.

"Never thinker Mummy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"Mummy has a special presence bottom so you can fuck her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in item to clean house the shit up, and Nige was getting an erecting again.

"Want to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice front arse ?"Sandra asked in a stupefied voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a freshly durex on Nige's putz. She eased around and bent over the boundary of the snooker mesa and reaching between her branch she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her puss. Nige eased into the unfamiliar warm slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so fiddling immunity, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his peter with well practised cunt muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was rhapsodic."Man that was the best shit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might turn gay me self if its that ripe,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to stool,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"Right,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the make water mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom full of spunk and his expression absolutely clean,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend mate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five chew by the way."

"Ghogof workweek,"I says,"Give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No demand to ask the piss."

Not the most sensitive of answers anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to cue her that a tenner was the usual charge.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker table and her ft on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's mates were staring in unbelief, they couldn't get their brain around it. Nige fucking a bird. I forgot to motion picture it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any route, so we all had a few more bevvies and went home. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about fashion and woman's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every time he saw an ass mess he imagined a shit python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a skillful few quid out of Nige and every gay bloke in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal retentive cured his constipation .