Nozzer's first Gay sex.

It's humour not gruelling heart.

We was down the Flying Horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the match looking for a few away supporter to remind them that their team may be better at kicking balls but we was improve at kicking orchis if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on kind. He kept gasping for breather and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Frank Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a round of drinks in, It was getting late, family line was leaving."sustenance the modification,"I says.

"What change you owe another ten pound fifty,"the know it all coach shouts earning himself a effective kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us table with nine pint and a bundle of porc scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to scud her tits, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her cleavage, could experience seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after cub ?"she says,"Only we thought about a ignition lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me hair maybe, and there's summat sound on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat beneficial with sixty bloody transmission channel,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just sank them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to loosen it up."Mikey suggested.

"motive summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now piteous old Nozzer couldn't hold his beer. Ten pints was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the road when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how queers started,"I said,"Some poor bastard couldn't shit so his mate buggered him to loose it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the couch bar where several sharply garnish bloke was sat unit of ammunition. I knew one of them, Peter"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a haze of booze fume,"Anything."

I went into the couch, They was all there, gay as roll in the hay, all sharp suits and that. One had a dress on. pin-up shade of pink, ruth he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my teammate fondness you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, Vice pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit loose tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly cock up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"Well it used to be commemorate ?"I said,"When you used to get a difficult on in the rain shower ?"

"Oh,"he said,"fountainhead what did you expect all those tricky well toned masculine bodies just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your incline or at to the lowest degree having a run,"I says.

He stared me rightfield in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll flick it on me phone, betray it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the curl in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm happy with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me seat and William Tell Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fantasy you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

Lock in started around Eleven, Sandra curl and bolted the door, hung her knee breeches on the door knob and started selling durex at ten quid a throw before she sat on the billiard mesa, legs unfold wide and started wanking with a feeding bottle of Newcastle-upon-Tyne brown. Newcastle Brown I ask you ! No class that bint, she had hollow champagne nursing bottle and Frank Philip Stella, even snow but no she had to use Newcastle Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pink pussy lips.

Thing was she had no takers ‘ case everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the bloke had their earpiece out and the other lot, them what batted for the early incline, had their cocks out wanking.

Nozzer had his trousers down as he bent over the Billiard Table, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum segmentation when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Saint Matthew the Apostle and M & S Wye fronts round his ankles while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a nice wraith of Green if I remember right. He had a rightfulness boner. Mine would have turned inside out and done a moon-curser if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

somebody splashed some lubricator over Nige's cock, I say lube, it might deliver been gear case oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to business, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining unripened covered penis eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the tight opening slowly easing open from the unshakable force per unit area of his rearing extremity, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waist for More purchase and grunted with the crusade. string of beads of sweat broke out on his brow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's cock hung down like a sere turnip. The dick in his ass felt salutary, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this time he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to cat up ten pints of Stella and a Chicken Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige push in but something was pushing back. His animal foot began to slip. His prick was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the stuff of incubus. Hs pecker was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the dreaded hoot python.

"For screwing sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his trouser and landed on his back.

The python stuck its brown head out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solidness shaft of shit oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the spot, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant star shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big brown Hydra coiled up ready to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

poor people old Nige was in melt down."the Nazarene !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his condom using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh wretched Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bonce,"seed to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a ostentation of brainchild, she popped her left tit out for Nige to take in on.

"Never psyche Mummy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"mommy has a special forepart bottom so you can fuck her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in particular to clean the dickhead up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"neediness to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice front man bottom ?"Sandra asked in a pudding head voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a refreshed durex on Nige's putz. She eased around and bent over the edge of the snooker mesa and reaching between her legs she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling tool towards her pussy. Nige eased into the unfamiliar strong slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so small resistance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his cock with well practised bitch muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was ecstatic."Man that was the best shit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might work gay me self if its that good,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to shit,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"rightfulness,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the piss mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom full of spunk and his font absolutely white,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend spouse,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five British pound sterling by the way."

"Ghogof week,"I says,"Give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No pauperism to take the piss."

Not the most sensitive of resolution anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the usual charge.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker mesa and her feet on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's couple were staring in skepticism, they couldn't get their top dog around it. Nige fucking a razz. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any route, so we all had a few more bevvies and went home. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about mode and cleaning woman's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every time he saw an ass mess he imagined a son of a bitch python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a dainty few quid out of Nige and every gay bloke in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his constipation .