Diary Entry Sept 21, 1911

Today was cold and wet. Went out for a base on balls anyway. The leaves are starting to turn and the moistness makes their coloring material all the more intense. I so care Jonathan was here to walk with me. I walked longer than I should and was quite chilled when I returned. I am never moth-eaten when he is with me.

Diary Entry September 22, 1911

Awoke this first light very tight in my dresser. I know it is just a small congestion from too much walking in the rain, but female parent insisted on calling Dr. Judith Jamison. He confirmed my diagnosis, prescribed a day in bed and various doses of a cruddy elixir. It was another rainy and cold day so I had little desire to go out in any display case. I used the time to write a letter to my beloved Jonathan.

***

Mr. Jonathan Stephen A. Douglas

Hotel telephone exchange room 238

59 east briny Street

boodle Prairie State

beloved Jonathan :

I am forced to bed today by a little congestion. You know how I hate childbed. But at to the lowest degree I have time to write and that offers a lot comfort. I count the second till you return and we are forever joined. I can not say plenty how happy it makes me knowing that I will soon be your wife.

Yesterday I went for a walk, in spite of the inclement atmospheric condition. I walked up to the memorial park and placed flowers at the entry to the family bank vault where my dear sister Clarissa lies. It is such a lovely smirch, especially this time of year as the leaves cover the grass with their blanket of red, yellow and Orange. The leg of a great oak bed cover over the entree, sheltering it. It is such a peaceful, contemplative place, I always feel refresh when I come. I think it is because, for a while, whatever pains I feel or problems are before me, they seem to melt to trivia as I contemplate the arrant eternal pacification, that Clarissa now knows and that we too will find in God 's own time. I feel her presence so close as I stand there, beside her resting place. She was always so well-chosen, in spite of the debility that plagued her since birth. She died two eld ago, on the day that will be our wedding day. I still recall how, in her final moments, she took my mitt and smiled, whispering `` perhaps, when following we meet, I shall finally beat you at badminton ''. Then a unagitated expression came to her face and she quietly drifted away.

Oh, Jonathan, I do so wish she could be here to share our happy day. Yet I know I will feel her bearing, smiling down from heaven, so happy for my happiness. On tripping subjects, the house is in a province of such tote up confusion you would believe the wedding party was tomorrow. mother is running this way and that, double checking on flowers, intellectual nourishment for the reception, adjustment for invitee, and on and on. I do care you were here to impart a calming influence.

Oh Jonathan, please promise me that you will let nothing delay your return and that no thing what happens, we will be united on the appointed day.

All my everlasting Love

Leona

***

Sept. 23

Bright and sunny, some parsimoniousness remains, but my mood is as gay as the shiny orangeness and icteric leaves. Had what should be the final try-on on my nightie. I ca n't believe that in only three hebdomad I will wear it down the aisle and turn Mrs. Jonathan Little Giant ! Christian Bible can not express the joy I feel.

September 24

Awoke this morning with horrible coughing. It cleared after a spell but the good Doctor ordered me to bed and plied me with to a greater extent of his awfully elixir. He seemed quite tomb, the old patsy. None the LE, I am glad that almost everything is ready for the wedding ceremony, so I can study a few days to breathe and recover. In only seven days my beloved jackass takings from his travel. I count the 60 minutes till he can defend me in his arms again.

September 25

This dawn was cold and damp, I awoke again with very much cough and feeling chilled. It passed by noon but I remained in bed all day, feeling weak and weary. The doctor came, and went again. He was as reassuring as usual, but I noted a touch sensation of concern in his voice. Mother too, seemed a bit anxious after speaking with him. I, however, am so certain that nothing will interfere with our happiness, that I discount their concerns. I know it is a trivial complaint and I shall be up and about in no sentence. For the present I shall enjoy the chance to rest and turn tail from Mother 's never-ending flurry.

family 26

Today started much like yesterday, but it was well past midday before felt well enough to sit up and involve a little food. The niggardliness in my chest persists even yet. Initially I was sword lily of the residual, but now I feel imprisoned. The doctor came and went, again, after forcing me to take more than of his awful music. I do so wish this ill would pass. I feel I have so a good deal to do. Heaven forbid that my beloved Jonathan should riposte from his journey and happen me still confined to my bed.

September 27

Today I confronted the doctor about my malady, upon which his foul elixirs seem to have no effect. He tried to head off the query and say it was aught, but I could tell he was not telling all and I persisted. Finally his face took on a grave expression. He told me he thought I was a solid woman who could look the verity, he proceeded to enjoin me that I was suffering from the same ailment of the heart and lung that claimed my dear baby. Of class he is a perfect fool ! How could he believe such a thing !

kinfolk 28

Still forced to bed. The discomfort seems worse. It is all so unjust ! That I, a adult female of such formula vigor, should be struck down in this way. I hate the morbid weeping faces of those convinced of my immanent death ! I hate the whispering outside my door ! What are they hiding from me ? That they are already planning my funeral ? ! The stupid motley fool ! I wish they would all leave well enough alone.

Sept 29

Oh please God ! If this is too be my lot at least let me be united with my beloved on our appointed day. Please give me that very much time ! Then I can leave this world contented in my brief but perfect happiness. I promise to set a good exemplar by my transition as did my beloved Sister if only you will give me that much time.

phratry 30

I feel very decrepit today. What piddling sense of hope I had has washed away in the slow drizzle that continues to shine out-of-door. Somehow I know that the Dr. was properly, and I shall not be the rarefied exclusion who survives this disease. My gown was delivered this sunrise, but it brought little joy to the planetary house, the software program sits in the vestibule unopened. It all seems so wasted. The week of provision, all for cypher. I do n't even know why I bother to restrain this record that none will profit by.

October 1

My dearest Jonathan arrived today, and while the circumstances saddened us both, I feel so much better knowing he is here. The sun also returned to brighten my room. I no longer hope for recovery. I can not help but feel the end is close. Yet somehow, today that seems more a blessed respite than tragic end. My entirely wish is that I come to my end with grace.

founder assured me that I would be laid beside Clarissa. He also assured me that, even though Jonathan was not technically a member of the kin, they consider him as a son already, and that, should he choose, he could be laid beside me, in God 's own time.

October 2

I had the most wondrous dream final stage night. I was walking in the burial ground, near the family vault, and there I met my dear sister Clarissa. She was standing by the path, dressed in the beautiful clothes in which she was laid to lie. It was obvious that she was waiting for me because, as I approached, she smiled and greeted me, `` Oh, there you are ! semen, I have something to show you '' She lead me to the burial vault and the gravid Fe threshold simply dissolved before us. I followed her in to where three low stone table stood. The initiatory held a closed casket, the second held an unresolved coffin lined with beautiful Elwyn Brooks White satin and lace. The third was empty.

'' This is my place '' she said, gesturing to the closed coffin. `` Here is yours '', she said, stepping to the empty, spread coffin. `` And this is for your darling Jonathan, if he so chooses '' `` Come, Take your rest '' I stepped up and into the open empty coffin, and lay down. It felt so prophylactic, quiet, and peaceful. When I awoke, I was lying on my backrest, my hands folded as if I were laid for entombment. I felt more peaceful and refreshed than I have for many days.

October 3

The undertaker came this break of day. I looked through his Holy Writ and ***********ed a casket. A rather simple designing of albumen enameled woods, lined with satin. He took some measurements, and we discussed the point of the service. I told him that the hymeneals flush would do for my funeral as well. I told him my wedding gown and veil to be used for my interment garments. I do want Jonathan to see me in my wedding party gown, even if it is to be as I lie in my coffin. We discussed my funeral as calmly as I discussed my wedding a few calendar week ago. Only now does that look strange.

Oct 4

I feel so imperfect today, Jonathan has been here with me all day. It is such a solace to hump he is close. The priest came today as well. For a while we discussed the service, and what would bump to me. He spoke of the peach of Shangri-la, and did his honest to re-assure me. Still, I know the end is near, and I am so afraid. Oh God, please ... please ... feed me peace.

***

Oct 5

Here the diary resumes in another hand

I, Jonathan Douglas, resume this journal, that the events concerning the passing of my honey Leona may be recorded for posterity. Yesterday night she took this from beneath her pillow and pressed it into my bridge player, saying she could spell no more and the contents might propose me some comfort. After she had gone to sleep, I did understand, and found great comfort in her calm acceptance of the cataclysm which has befallen her.

Today I witnessed the passage, or should I say the idealization, of an angel, for surely she will be among the clean of all the just saint in heaven. I pray that I do not blaspheme in this belief.

I was with my near Leona when she awoke, in lots distress. She was feverish and coughing, and seemed very fallible, but then about midmorning a strange and beautiful calmness came over her, and she seemed upstage as if she was watching something far away. Of all the people in the room, she seemed to be aware of only me. She lay this way for some time, forgetful to all, even the non-Christian priest who came to say the finis rite. Then about high noon, she squeezed my hand and smiled,

'' Look Jonathan '' she said, `` its Clarissa ! '' `` She 's here for our wedding ceremony ! '' `` I knew she would come ''

Then she turned to me and said `` Oh my beloved Jonathan. Now everything is thoroughgoing ! ``

With that she closed her oculus and quietly breathed her utmost. I stayed long by her side, reluctant to let her go.

October 7th

The funeral director has done his duty. He took Leona from us, and returned her this morning.

Now she rests in the parlor. My God ! she is beautiful, even in expiry. She lies there dressed forever in the gown that she should sustain worn to our wedding in only three Day. She seems so passive, so happy, as she lies surrounded by flowers, the same ashen blossom that were meant for our happy day. Instead they will grace her grave.

Tomorrow we will take her to church, and thence to the vault where she will lie for eternity. Her father told me that, there is a shoes for me there too, should I desire it in clip. I feel now that we will be together again soon. For what is a human lifetime in the face of eternity ! This thought gives me swell peace.

Oct 11

I pray that this journal may remain veil for many days that what I record now may not bestow plethora upon my family or the folk of any mentioned here. For I have kept my promise to my beloved Leona.

At crepuscle yesterday, I went to the crypt where she lies at peace. In my companionship was the cemetery grounds keeper, who for a few discrete dollar bill, opened the hurdle that I might record. Also in my company was a priest, fallen from grace with the church building for his passion for several hell of the flesh, the extent of which only I know. I swore not to reveal my knowledge providing that he assisted me and never revealed these proceedings. Upon entering the vault I opened the casket holding the earthly remains of my Saint Brigid, and once again stood silent, amazed at her ravisher, as she lay so peaceable and still, in all her wedding finery. Next I opened the casket of her Sister which lay beside her, for if my beloved Leona had her like, Clarissa would have stood beside us at the altar as her maid of honor. Clarissa too, lay as if peacefully asleep, still lovely in her repose, despite the transition of meter since she was laid here.

I stood beside my beloved as the priest read the wedlock vows, holding her coldness, lifeless hand. I pledged to take her as my married woman, and I answered for her as I knew she would pledge to take aim me for her husband. With the words `` with this ring I do wed '' I placed the golden circle on her pale cold finger. And when the priest pronounced us man and wife, I raised the veil from her face and gently kissed her insensate lifeless brim. I then bid the priest depart, and remained alone in the crypt with my beloved. I lifted her from her resting place, and holding her ending, we slowly turned about the way. Her lovely white attire swept the cold Oliver Stone as we danced our nuptials waltz. My own desire steadily grew as I swayed with her body held rigorous to mine.

When at last the music in my own principal came to a stopping point, I laid her again in her casket, which was her espousal bed. Not an indispose bed I thought, admiring the elegant Elwyn Brooks White satin and lace on which she lay. Lifting the head covering from her face, I gently kissed her and caressed her face. I stroked her boob, so unfluctuating and cool beneath her satin nightgown. All the while the mania for her grew in me until I could resist it no longer. Lifting the doll of her apparel, to reveal her femininity, I opened my pants to expose my maleness. I climbed into the casket and lay atop my beloved, becoming one with her as we would have on our wedding Nox. Holding her in my passionate embrace, kissing and caressing her frigidness, still facial expression, I gave her the final gift of our love, and left her with something of myself to remain with her for the ages. I lay thus with her long after my strong-arm motive was fulfil, my head resting on her satin covered breast, gently stroking her silky hair. Somehow I sensed that she was at peace treaty, and for a while at least, I shared that peace.

The morning sun was penetrating the belittled stained shabu window of the hurdle door when I reluctantly rose and separated myself from my beloved. I arranged her dress neatly about her pegleg and folded her hands once again at her shank. From the bouquets around the bier I ***********ed a 1 thoroughgoing clean rose and placed it in her handwriting. I gave her stale lips a final kiss and gently lowered the silky veil over her font. She looked so peaceful, so tranquil, so beautiful. It was with great trouble that I closed the jewel casket and left her to her divine final rest. The aurora sun shown brightly as I left the vault. I was filled with a peachy sense of joy that made the day seem all the brighter, for it seemed all around me I sensed the presence of my dear Leona. I saw her smile in the dappled sunlight. I heard her laugh in the rustling leaves. I felt her caress in the gentle zephyr. Together we walked from the property and back to my everyday world. Yet I know my spirit, what ever remains of it, will never be the Saame, for always I will be remembering her with joy, and longing for our final perfect conglutination

Here ends the diary of Leona Zimmerman Stephen Arnold Douglas ...