Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'whole world.

Life were hard back then

I were standing by fire in pit brain office watching our firstborn Lucy shovelling coal into railroad wagon, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm Joseph Henry Blagthorpe, They calls me Lord Blagthorpe, or that fake Blagthorpe. I own pit and village of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a reputation you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says hook up with, we never wasted brass on church service or nada. Every bit of memorial tablet went into business.

Useless bitch she were and all. heptad bloody giirls her popped before her exclaim enough and went to sleep in fifth wheel room, well one of em, I had twelve bedroom at stopping point count.

I went outside to have a word,"Eee lassie thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee daughter, he'll be in thee knickers next,"Cocker Drayton joked.

"clit it Cocker,"I says,"I means she's strong as any bloke,"I says.

"Well don't go geting any thought,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"face here, thee'd frighten blokes stupid, now if thee's got any sense thee's sell the accolade to highest bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you offer ?"she asked.

"fivesome bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll tell our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must cause been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after darkness. mesa was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was blinking measly as always.

"For half a all-fired crown I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to relieve mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the coal debris off her while stripped to the waist by kitchen sink.

"Some all-fired hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no bugger's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing school or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with nobs, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at hand so I can look after thee."

"So no former sod has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee whore !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the teats all stood up, font and whisker all sinister, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but good manners for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no grounds we shouldn't is there."

"I'd snap thee little dick in one-half,"she challenged wi'her middle ablaze.

"Go and fuck the little kick,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out thankless mare."

I found a fortunate guinea,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah hold on it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more common soldier ?"

"Nay, bugger it, me saps up,"I says,"Bend over table our Lucy I'll poke thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a infinite and Lucy dropped her gentleman breeches what she wore and set over table.

Her woman 's share was all pink and moist and me tadger was straining fit to bust so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were lucky he were straining as her thingy put up a fight as I went to poke her, I had to hang on to her whatsits to get a bit of purchase like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock deep inside her unmentionable. Her moaned all live up to like as I poked away at her.

It was flaming hotshot, her seemed to enjoy it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody historic period. In the end when I shot me bolt I were bloody knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in nominal head of me. It were inhuman, bloody inedible like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made bloody muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her breeches up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in queue on account of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two Haddock and a bag o'microprocessor chip,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a nitty-gritty pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what sort of core is it."

"buck,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us have pit crib cheap when they're knackered."

"Lord Blagthorpe to thee, any route circle she ‘ ent me daughter no more ‘ cause I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a ring on me finger I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me nothing,"

"Bloody hell miss,"I says,"Thee don't hang around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, goodly, why she had a better than intermediate chance of bearing me a son. Me mind were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ course of instruction I will,"she says,"Lets nip off land vicarage and set things in motion."

"sod me tha'don't hang about.|"I admitted.

"I had a right instructor,"she smiled.

We picked up us ginger nut and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your girl !"he whined.

"Step girl,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any route and me half baby is all bastards."

"I wouldn't call all of em bastards, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to organise, flowers, Bell, consort,"

"That's bollocks is that,"Lucy says,"No flush, no Alexander Bell, no choir, no bloody visualize wearing apparel, just predict the Banns, marry us component part way through dayspring divine service and then us can get started on a son and heir for pappa, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ Course I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee sexual love brass more than anything so I ent going to start off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the gist, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new stuff long afore the old were wore out, her'd of wanted flowers and the entirely bloody shebang.

We went back menage, I expected Lucy to fly the coop in along with I but her said not trough us was wed so I had to pee do with Elsie and her but let me poke her backside.

leash weeks later we was wed. Bloody pit did I know it. I were fucking drained. Her wanted it morning time noon and night, afore fall in fast, during forenoon fag shift, snap prison term and after tea as well as bed sentence.

"You'll establish me tenderness attack !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the second metre in an hour in pit situation wi clerk and that trying to attend t'other way.

"And all thee stuff will be mine,"she said her oculus ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee plan,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were stiff as a pit airscrew,"So what u'd thee change if I popped me congest ?"

"beef our bloody Mam out for a start, and me bloody babe,"she said,"Get a comme il faut house what's well-off to maintain clean and affectionate William Christopher Handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her bounces up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit bloke what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a pointedness, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. chuck her out and the kids, send em down work house."

"You callous bastard !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a mother fucker o good none of em,"I admitted,"e should kick the bloody lot out."

"Thing is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that nice three bed down Abbotoire route as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big household out as flats, send the old lady friend down pit, lend youngest to chimney sweep oar, and set our Mam up in her own whore house and accusation her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me freight in shock absorber."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a good teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on table fabric."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in early tomb you mark my words,"Cocker Drayton top dog clerk muttered.

"I die happy,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll fuck thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were blow of me cracking a joke, first time in the 20 class he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what love does to thee .