ITommy Ainsgarth gets buggered on t'engine

It were a glum Nov night in Yorkshire. XIX 30 something. It weren't raining for once. Nor freezing neither. Nor fog. luminousness of Grisegarth signaling box on t'London and Union Eastern Railway could be seen for miles.

Passenger train semen past, headed for Grimsby, locomotive engine were off drum a bit. It were an old ‘ un built be Beyers at Manchester for Lincolnshire and Yorkshire Railway. Four big driving wheels as big as a man and four picayune 'uns out front. Over thirty year old, losing meter but nowt they couldn't mek up wi a bit o'speeding a bit over Ellerbeck viaduct and junction beyond.

Next along were Immingham goods. On footplate were young Tommy Aisgarth. He were real emotional, officially like as he were locomotive engine cleaner, but he's done examination for fire fighter and it were his maiden sentence out firing railway locomotive on yearn trip, He had been on shunting engines many times after having reached eighteen the age for working on locomotive footplate, but this were real thing.

Ted Moresely were driving, fat ugly pot bellied feller, near as fat as he were tall, too bloody fat to get under engine to oil round of golf proper like.

He were pissed off, he usually drove a big B5 class loco, built by George Jack Roosevelt Robinson in 1922 but today he had a near new J39, a littler cheaper engine built be Herbert Gresley what weren't really up to job so they shortened gearing to 40 wagon, 600 tons.

It were maximum load for J39 and Tommy had to work like a trojan, shovelling coal trying to keep up steam. He were sweating buckets, he stripped off his crown and then his shirt as he shovelled coal inexpertly into the ravenous firebox of the loco. Ted kept the governor half open and the valves in full gear to establish Tommy lather. He could possess saved half the ember if he'd pulled up up and opened governor but he were a sadistic sod.

The banged and crashed up through Grisegarth and past Moresby top to breast box, all sign off and only two minutes down with water bobbing in the bottom nut of gauge glass, Ted shut regulator and shouted for Tommy to put live steam injector on to satiate boiler.

Engine began to pick up fastness, Tommy went to put tea can on firing plate for a brew.

"plentitude of meter for that lad,"Ted says,"Time for a bit of fun."

"Fun Ted ?"Tommy asked.

"Fun, get thee pants down I wan't to sodomize thee,"Ted laughed.

"Bloody hell, bugger me, I mean not bugger me but don't bugger me like."Tommy blustered.

"looking lad, on footplate number one wood's in charge and I'm driver reet ?"Ted explained,"And I fancies ramming me cock up thee's ass, not that I ent queer nor nothing, just that wanking People's Mujahidin of Iran thee blind and I'd rather spend John Cash on beer than on't ‘ ores.

"I dunno Ted,"Tommy says,"I ent ad a bird let alone be buggered."

"You refusing an order from thee device driver ?"Ted asks,"Sacking offense is that."

"Now hang on !"Tommy proested,"Buggery's bloody illegal !"

"I'll tell they as thee let water down and never looked out for sign, told I to get pig out and made I shovel ember as thee were too knackered to do on't."Ted warned.

"Thee's a nasty bugger,"says Tommy as caravan picked up speed up down savings bank,"But I ‘ ant no choice ‘ as I."

wellspring loco were blowing off steam and piddle were coming up in glass so Tommy opened fire room access to cool.

"ejaculate on don't bugger about, '' Ted insisted

Reluctantly Tommy undid his belt ammunition and slipped his pants down.

Ted smirked"Brace thee self agin the backplate,"he chuckled.

"It's all-fired red hot !"Tommy protested.

"Bugger, bloody Gresley, bloody GC engines has them lagged,"Ted cursed,"Hang on to fucking water supply scoop instead.

Tommy stood wi his breeks around his ankle joint gripping on to piss easy lay bike while Ted eased hs braces off of his sholders and dropped his coveralls to reveal a shortstop fat ugly cock barely poking out as far as his fat gut.

Ted wobbled as he aimed hs cock at Tommy's ass but missed half a dozen meter when suddely wallop.

Ted prick pressed an inch into Tommy's tight ass hole as the engine stopped pretty near dead.

There was a fearsome crashing of busted wood and metal engine reared up at back end and Ted and Tommy was flung against the boiler.

Tommy was stunned, he thought it was the shock of his ass jam busting but then Ted was screaming and there was coal off the tender and busted wood all around. Tommy were stunned but he dragged his pants back up and staggered around trying to wee-wee mother wit of it.

There were broken snatch of carriages all round.

"Bugger me Ted we hit summat !"Tommy says.

"Agghhhhhh !"Ted screamed. Tommy couldn't see Ted.

"What's going off ?"Tommy asked.

"Agghhhhhhh !"Ted screamed again.

Tommy reached for the fire door lever to open ‘ em up so as he could see. The lever tumbler was jammed but ith the unresolved position. He coldn't understand it so he grabbed the H2O gauge lamp.

"Arrrgghhhh !"screamed Ted.

Tommy shone the light. There were Ted wi his ass speared by the knob on the firebox doorway lever tumbler and all the skin burned off of his bum. Tommy felt sick and wanted to express mirth at the Lapplander time.

"I go to signal box for rule 55 !"he offered and he jumped down off of engine and headed for box.

Turned out express engne had rolled bad on Muncaster Viaduct and derailed legal tender, void brake had stopped it and trade good had run through five signals before hitting express up the ass.

Ted were probably dead afore anyone bohered wi him. His ass were burned right away to the bone and he relaxation of him roasted though his boots were alright and his cap and pocket watch.

"By eck tha's a favourable fissure,"said signalman as Tommy walked up gradation to box.

"How d'yuo mean ?"Tommy asked.

"Walking away from tha'crash,"he replied.

"Aye, hardly a scratch,"Tommy agreed.

"And thee driver ?"signalman asked.

"He was screaming a bit but he shut up now, priority is harness 55 ent it,"Tommy replied.

"Tha'll mek a mulct railwayman, have a brew and go back and if he's beat nick his watch before some other sod does."

"Tha's a callous sodomite,"Tommy replied.

"Not if driver were one Ted Moresely,"Signalman explained,"Bastard said I put signal back agin him when he ran right through em, too engaged buggering his fireman, has he buggered you an all ?"

Tommy said nowt.

"No sodomist liked him, tight fisted fat indolent SOB,"Signalman moaned.

"Can I use your bog ?"Tommy asked.

"No thee bloody can't,"Signalman said but it were too former Tommy had door open.

Poor Tommy never seen a lad porter in a undifferentiated jacket and nowt else except for stockings and suspenders afore. So he fainted.

He was in waiting elbow room at the post when he woke up. stationmaster were shaking him,"Eh no slacking."

"I just had a bang,"Tommy explained.

"What, wi Doris from refreshment room ?"examiner asked.

"Nay we run into ass of Passenger."Tommy says.

"Well go and ease rider reliever, he banged his read/write head, they're going on wi half train."he explained.

Tommy climbed onto passenger locomotive engine, Sid Hancock were driver.

"Eye up thee all reet lad ?"he asked.

"Aye, Bloody Ted tried to sodomize I and ne'er kept a look out,"Tommy says.

"Shoud have waited ‘ till auberge at Immingham,"he laughed,"Still stick wi I and I'll see thee right."

Tommy had no worry wi engine and Sid took him to lodge,"We usually percentage forked bed desiccant and fireman together,"says driver,"But I pays extra."

"What for a ace way ?"asks Tommy.

"Nay lad for a tart,"he laughed.

poor people Tommy, he had to kip on floor. Landlady showed them to elbow room. She were a widder, maybe 40 class old, fat as a pig, then instead of buggering off while they turned in she stripped off and led on bed while Sid shagged her.

"You want a sack lad, I paid her for whole night ?"Sid asked.

"No thanks,"says Tommy.

"facial expression why be a gooseberry, sod off and keep our Dolores company why don't you ?"Landlady suggested.

Dolores were Landladies daugher, she were at Grimsby college learning hospitality.

Her knocker were straining the seams on her cardigan, her mouth were like deep red, her eyes were like, well eyes, one were puritanical and the former weren't, her tomentum was everlasting gold wi black stem, her thigh were summat else and her face, had all the right bits and well thee don't have to attend at it when you're close up do thee.

"I'm Dolly,"says Dolores.

"hullo doll,"says Tommy.

"Comedian eh ?"she says.

"Nay fireman,"says Tommy.

"Got a girlfriend ?"says Dolly.

"Nay,"says Tommy.

"Been buggered ?"she asked.

"No !"says he.

"Good, I'm doing cordial reception academic degree,"says dolly,"Maybe you can help me wi me homework ?"

"I don't know,"says Tommy.

"I got test on week after next and I still ‘ ant sucked a bloke off yet,"

"What ?"Tommy demanded.

"I wants to be a Hoo er and you has to be certified to want to be a hoo er,"she said,"Least aways that's what me da says."

"Bin Fucked ?"Tommy asked.

"No that's final full term,"Dolly explained.

"All reet, I lend thee me cock for blow job,"Tommy says as he dropped his breeches.

"Ooooh its so big !"Dolly says."They told me to say that no matter how big it is,"she admitted.

"Belt up and wrap thee laughing fishing gear round it,"Tommy says all manly like.

"Not if you're going to be ill-bred,"Dolly says as she grasped his tool firmly.

"Oh fuck !"says Tommy as he shot his load, luckily it missed her garb and cardigan and splattered onto her neck.

"You're fucking useless,"she opined. poor Tommy. He ended up kipping in corridor.

Next day Tommy had to go dwelling be way of Doncaster on account of demarcation being blocked and he had to report to shedmaster to explicate why he hadn't kept a proper aspect out.

"I had trouble wi injector see,"he explained,"These Gresley railway locomotive are rubbish."

"And thee driver ?"he asked. Now Tommy weren't sort of fella to dob any sod in so he says,"Having a shit on me shovel while I worked on injector."

"Trying to bugger thee more like,"examiner replied,"Ah well he won't be buggering any bugger any sentence soon, all skins burned off his ass and that firebox door handle."

"Went up his ass,"Tommy said all impeccant like.

"Did it heck as like,"said inspector,"It went in all reet but it missed his ass hollow, fact is he got two ass holes now."

"No, you're joking !"Tommy gasped.

"fuck surgeon at railway system hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into secondly ass trap,"the inspector laughed,"He told Ted he coud have new career in Circus as the man we two fuck !"

"Bloody hell,"says Tommy,"I suppose he would rather have two rooster ?"he suggested.

"Not that bugger !"Inspector added.

Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster works, he saw locomotive with jitney connecter on Tender,"What's that for ?"he asked.

"So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he's parched,"Inspector told him.

As lick would take it Ted got septicaemia and died, pitiable bugger ‘ adn't no one, no folk or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the union paid for undertakers and for the best bit manus casket pawn broker had in store out of members subs.

Funeral day and four cuss took some screws and made sure the lid wasn't coming off any time soon before they carried it in to church and set the casket down, then when help started. non-Christian priest asked Tommy to say a few tidings, being as he was Ted's last mate.

"I couldn't pin Ted. Ted were an wretched fat lazy bugger, a bloody liar and a take a shit mate. He neber oiled his railway locomotive proper nor nothin'He died ‘ causa he neglected his dooty to kip a look out. I remember him when we had crash"Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh,"he said wi'his trousers down and his ass jammed on firehole threshold lever knob."A dandy belly laugh came from the half 12 or so blokes what botheredbto turn up."I never liked him, no one I know liked him, and I'm bloody sword lily he's dead."

"Amen !"said someone,"Amen, well said lad !"and they all clapped.

Afterwards Vicar had a hushed word wi Tommy,"I knows we says to always be honest,"Vicar said,"But in twenty years I never heard such an reliable encomium spoken."

Tommy hadn't the slightest idea what he were on about. But when he got honest-to-god he realised one affair, when it comes to buggery its better to give than receive.

And doll ? She failed the exams and had to affect to British capital as they has lower touchstone for Hoo ers than us do in Yorkshire .