`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge floor, '' a cleaning woman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a vague hope, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this evening, that should give you sentence for shower and a cheese burger. ``

'' That 's rush hr ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving British capital darling, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't let much alternative really, so I thew my dick in the old transit at knocking off metre and headed round mums for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 eastern United States bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashion town house with a few stairs up to the front doorway and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bath stone faced to first floor horizontal surface then fork over, a red brick body structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're ahead of time, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked recent thirties acted like XC, snotty bitch.

The kitchen door opened, `` schoolmarm, '' a girl 's voice trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maids kit about four sizes too small, her knocker swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your orb back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell the chocolate, '' she insisted, `` Really the modest mindedness of the typical Brits doer never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that schoolma'am. ``

'' Do n't labour it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my sexual preference, nor yours for that matter. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed knife and furrow stripped pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the job ? '' I asked as I noticed a impregnable olfactory perception of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` leakage, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against piddle leaks, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be hunky-dory. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could establish it another pelage, '' I offered, `` Why does it reek of germicide ? ``

'' You had better see the cellar, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the step from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants student residence beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not piddle, '' I said, and I rubbed my digit against the low ceiling and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul drain, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal of approval, fall upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` register our guest the problem. ``

'' schoolma'am ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man Mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contriteness. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My idea boggled, she had done her best but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the buttocks couple of inches of her twat were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you pillock child, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'netherworld ! '' I swore, `` No darned inquire it outflow and stench, have n't you ever hear of bathroom, St. Thomas crapper, Armitage product and all that ? ''

'' And in your small given world have you no knowledge of water sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water skiing, but not pissing on the life room floor. ``

'' And it had no gist on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my pant leg when he needed some space,

'' seminal fluid Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a full grown rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you imply Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a overnice rigid forearm to the transitory harshness of the manlike member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the base is a bit of a gob smack if I 'm dependable. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a unawares rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully bantam fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like pecker, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing floors ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my comrade. ``

'' Of course of instruction I got a voiceless on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' XC seven percent of the grownup population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority hoodoo Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the selection I would prefer the old Lowell Thomas stool urinal to the support way floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her sassing, my oral fissure, in my hair, in her pilus, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to go on chamber pots under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my item Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't serve, does n't the thought of your urine arcing through the air to gazump my dress, my brassiere, my breasts, does that not stimulate you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your sass are silent yet your hammer speaks volumes, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short three, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walk in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the dope scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the privy, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my jean, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` please ! ``

'' Look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather laissez-faire activeness not readily mistaken for any early. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need coat and coating of seal, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in mind when you had the place done, I just subbed on the floor. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub declaration, strictly Harrisons are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the LE makes you nonresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the waterproofing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the trouble ? '' she said.

'' No it needs right waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten pelage, '' I said, `` twenty four time of day to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's back talk, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper middle stratum squawk, who would n't want to make in her face ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining cock oceanic abyss in her fresh pink pussy.

'' I do n't know, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any rooster for age have you sweetie ? ``

'' No kept woman, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like shaft do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers shaft, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a soft spot for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a flexible pecker on every one level.

'' If we do this, like we need the whole room bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the last pelage before you can risk using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the floor like a rain shower, tile the bulwark a bit too, not white but maybe slate grey or something, then you can wreak there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary worker measure and for those awful wet dark, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to cause a job we really call for to take out the existing, control stick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a testicle Mungo Park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two day, then you 'll need a pipe fitter to do the shower top dog or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Monday calendar week if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` e-mail me the final quotation and I am sure as shooting we have a deal. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed pussy while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, dainty to see you, '' I said and she blushed ruby, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hall and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the nominal head door, `` The shopkeeper 's incoming is down the whole tone to the right, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good Night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a ailment into two days paid work.

Now that 's a answer,

Oh you wanted to get a line about the other material, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody degenerate !

To be continued