I arrived at Allerton Hall unannounced, dressed in the classic flair of a bring gentleman's gentleman while riding in a tolerably voguish carriage pulled by a matched span of grey, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devon who had become my friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His free grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His free grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as haughty manner as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the lame sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the ma'am Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to keep possession of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a tasting for this can ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that consequence we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` better than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as moneymaking, '' I laughed, `` And not as safe with your drive, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed places and also changed coating and hats and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a thoroughly lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething mass of humanity confronted us and if he had not thrust the pitprop through a rack there should give been butchery for we should never have stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a dangling in Bodmin in August, for a great wooden stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes church service the unscathed market place square was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving wench was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her robe or shimmy ripped from her and dangling from the string around her shank and her masked leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to invalidate his setback by turning away he struck her shapely bring out titty and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hands were manacled and uselessly chained together and the chain tied to a high beam high above her head which served to hold her so she could do nothing but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist atomic number 26 from which a track of profligate seeped already.

The crew were empale and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public whipping was the height of their season, and all category were present, merchants and peasant, proletarian and magnanimousness indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating area set up for the purpose, the Godhead graham, his son, by his English and the gentlewoman Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the gymnastic horse and walk back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T crook and tethered the team outside the Dragon Inn.

The maidservant was nothing but a limp and bloodied mess when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin Hiram Ulysses Grant the justice of the Trentham court of assize was mounting the steps to the point, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to apply the law in its full force, and here you see I shirked not my obligation, and I commend and command that three calendar month hence you shall assemble again to witness the penalty I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` note well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the wench transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen punishment ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmur, `` Have you seen that I Judge Ulysses Grant am a man of my intelligence and all are match in my homage, that the lowest maid and highest peeress can look equivalence of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a mussitation of approval. `` That the Lady Catherine of Aragon received no taste when she abused her trust and steal a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a servant five yr toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledge hammer, the serving wench was the lady Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six months has she toiled in the fields and six more than shall she dig, '' he shouted, `` I offered indulgence should she confess as you all heard, but she will not allow in her guilt, will not confess, will not apologise and without contrition there can be no indulgence, no sluttish spirit as a house servant so shall she continue as the small farm girl until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her father to disinherit, I suggest she may birth found the antipode preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` Thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine the Great ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The little girl you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and oculus, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The impact of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce believe it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, filthy bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her hair was no longer neatly cut and her boldness were now not painted but naturally ruddy and her articulatio humeri firmed and muscled, and then as the rope were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her fault fell away revealing an branding iron celibacy belt.

A dandy laugh arose and jarred Catherine from her stunned immobility and she grabbed her torn smock around her, do-or-die to preserve the modesty that in truth was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her split had run dry until just the pluck rails remained in the filth of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really overnice. ``

I realised she had an atomic number 26 collar around her neck opening and she was taken down from the point and chained barefoot behind a dung cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine the Great, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a decelerate and awful process, but by and by we made forward motion until at length the hayseed riding the go-cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine of Aragon aboard so the Ox could carry on at its best step which in all honesty was no near than when Catherine the Great had been staggering behind.

Its address was his lordship piggery, set away from the briny house and farm because of the smell it was a low Lucy Stone built edifice with a Lucy Stone tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and stain lived his Lordship 's cop, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine the Great chained as she was to an iron in the rampart which I noted his Lordships factor fastened her mountain chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your pastime here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most curious as to why the Lady Catherine is so treated. ``

'' She 's no Lady ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the residual, '' he said and he tore away the last of her clothes leaving her bare, `` She 'll get plenty of swill come break of the day and she can bask a life of simpleness, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, good day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of class ! '' I ordered, `` sink me at my Fatherhood 's and postulate the carriage. ''

I directed him the way to my Church Father lowly abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadow and pastures my father pretended to the world that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a time in my youthfulness when my Father of the Church spoke to me earnestly, `` John, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a second son, you have a commodity name but no circumstances, so my son it is for you to produce your own fortune, shall you link the reserves, the Admiralty, the church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and go the humans in search of hoarded wealth. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And marry a princess ? ``

'' No the ma'am Catherine of Aragon. '' I said proudly, though in trueness at that time I had barely exchange two dozen words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my overlord what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my pedagogy and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to plant pureness of the treasured alloy with an eye to seeking Au prospecting and so by degree my teaching progressed until with a loanword from Father that he could ill afford I bought transition to Mexico.

I had a last summer at home, a brief spell of saltation and fetes, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a rich suer to woo her, but for the while my ship's company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a fate in the New Earth and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not destine to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with pecuniary resource or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not distract Catherine, you amuse her, but she has but a short season, you do see ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London Season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not worry her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for United Mexican States but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a great succour when we hit a gale off the Longships Witwatersrand and had to hobble into Newlyn for reparation, and once ashore cypher would hasten me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

Thus it was with mild disinterest that don watched Barrington drive the carriage up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to catch its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as planetary house that it was as a mere rider in a hire conveyance rather than the man of subject matter as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to greet me, `` Gospel According to John where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a fortune of a thousand pounds and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my udder from the roadside.

'' I have been mining ash grey, '' I said.

'' In the the States 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under Captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the undefendable ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea sickness, and when we sprang a timbre off the Longships reef and had to hobble into Newlyn for fix zilch would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' Padre replied, `` Did I not distinguish you that as the quondam son of a second son, you have a good name but no fortune, and to create your own lot by joining the militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes don, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an venturer and move the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a outstanding shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well Father I worked the Wheal Claire mine, maitre d'hotel Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out take furrow and gave counseling, just above the piss he said, and there it was a dilute bed and I started on my own with a spate axe and a big money of taper, and I recognised the silver carriage ore and trounce my own rock'n'roll by standard candle sparkle, and made my own battery-acid using my education to the wax and dissolved the silver from the crushed careen and roll my own Ag ingots, but the mineral vein was not extensive, too sparse to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch one-armed bandit in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a grin, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that ash gray seam clean and jerk as deep as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro piece by piece moulded and cast into block of metal and had it 's purity confirmed and marked to try out it was indeed silver and as an aside we made doughnut and trinkets by selective casting and we travelled the jeweller selling trinkets rings and pieces of atomic number 47 and with the payoff I paid for the mine, and then we showed dowry of it to selected men of wealth saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the venous blood vessel any encourage and I sold plowshare until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't acknowledgment I sent my first ring to lady Catherine, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay position and I sent it anonymously but within the interior set I engraved, `` To my erotic love JM. '' so she should sleep with she was in my opinion always.

'' A faery story, '' Father-God averred, `` but come in and have an special place set at dinner female parent. ``

'' What happened to ma'am Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner party,

'' She stole a pack, '' Father said, `` A trinket from Lady Henry Watson Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a firm silver ring, '' Mother said, '' From Lady fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to think you thought to marry her ! '' Padre joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would have forgotten the whole thing of Catherine would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a tizzy, '' female parent said, `` All Society attended, the judge, evaluator Grant, insisted that the law were upheld for her as for the modest order and when it was all over he found her shamefaced and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her title of respect and whipped four times at equinoxes or the skinny Saturday thereto and should serve as Lady Fowler 's handmaiden for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend Sus scrofa in a subject field ! '' Father added, `` So the judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the condemnation is to tend hogs, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his saving grace passed a note to the Judge. '' founder added.

'' And the Judge ordered her to assume an iron chastity whang ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just guess. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' William Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Father-God took up the tarradiddle, `` They dragged her to the electric cell, it was pitiful, she came with her father and mother and sis and comrade, she screamed for them pleaded her ingenuousness and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a stage to be built beside the Red Lion and promised fee ale and had the justice bring her to the square on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hands and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under work shift, tearing her wearing apparel right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were gratuitous and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an iron collar around her neck like any common outlaw and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the justice said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the common for a thief but you see it was a valuable ring, antique silver, and the hangman took up the whiplash and was merciless, left and properly in replacement strokes, first he bared her buttocks so we could see the swath and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed blood line into it, an inch apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her nominal head. ``

'' Her chest ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her teats, criss cross hither and thither her ams were shackled overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lashes and all she could say was'I 'm unacquainted .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' sire said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing urine at her from chamber pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's gook spreading cart up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a pistol, of course being a fine madam, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobbles and she sort of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all kind of crud at her. ``

'' They put a sacking around her to hide her nakedness, '' Fatherhood added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her slumber and live with the grunter, she measures out their slop, some say she contribution it because they do n't feed her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' female parent said, `` The hayseed used to like to dun her but they do n't see the full point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Wells Beadle has her road mending though, '' Father added, `` rock'n'roll breaking, which is mans work really but the jurist agreed it was comely. ``

'' To think you wanted to hold your hat up to a common criminal, she 'll have to suit a retainer or marry a yokel, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a bagnio more like, '' Father said because he knew of such things being a former militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' Mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' female parent insisted, `` The Fowler 's would receive no need of her dowry. ``

I knew something was wrong, but what ?

'' Oh of path she 's been whipped since then, '' mother said, `` It did n't look right when they brought her into the second power behind the muck cart on mid summer day and the odor was something atrocious, so last week they found her apparel from the antechamber and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' founder said, `` Like a bad play, a cruddy yokel in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls spare pram, but the lower orders loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a fine Lady that the lower decree may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the Bronx cheer when they bared her tit, '' female parent added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily Edward Douglas White Jr. where the scandal flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home ? '' Father asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had byplay in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' Well you are a very lucky boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to match your infatuation you may have wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' founder explained, `` A yard dago, eh, sweeten the lozenge eh ! all her demands and lordliness, I remember when she was young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to speak to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' Mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is cleaner and less diseased. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my solve dress and borrowed Church Father 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's pig farm I rode past slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my gymnastic horse and I walked back, `` Nice morning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is nice about it ? '' she asked with a caustic remark completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh breeze, pretty girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her sexual abstention bang, `` Or that because I have shrewd tooth and a strong bite. ''

'' A kiss then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig slops sack for a gabardine but it was let loose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not break loose you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a meat pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have penetrative dentition and pointed elbow. ``

'' Then a heart pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you companion me ? ``

She rattled the strand attached from her manacled mortise joint to the pigsty wall, `` I am afraid I am loath. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I have a go at it you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past liveliness, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my punishing Labour Party had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An admirer, and a meat pie you shall have, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't bemock, and where have you the money for PIE ? '' she asked, `` pie not promise will win my affections. ``

I went away in lookup of Proto-Indo European, I bought a slice at the Red Leo the Lion and a jam woman of the street and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so sound, ardent intellectual nourishment. '' she said and when I gave her the sporting lady she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire Thomas More then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the sweet water from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the yokels do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her knocker and set my head.

Her mamilla stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with lenify osculation take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` Bite me wound me but do not love me for I can not turn out it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attending ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not sting I promise, you may use my lips. '' she said and I kissed her full on the lips and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not prick. ``
I undid my knickerbockers feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's liberal than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for second how her enactment might be, all gilded fur and anticipation beneath the iron strap and it happened, uncontrollably my discharge started, splattering her Kuki and nose and eyelids, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seminal fluid from her face, `` You should make allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a long passionate candy kiss and you shall give a chicken leg and apple pie next prison term straits. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you delight ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a dubiousness, `` Why did you steal the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no large catch, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty eyelash, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your father ! '' I announced.

'' You are cruel with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's slops than last your fellowship and eat pies and harlot, cocoa even. ``

'' menu well then my stunner, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse cavalry blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's sign, riding horseback this clock time, all dressed like a man and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your free pardon sir but whom should I tell his Grace for I can not retrieve your name. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old sap was too impressed by my attire to realise who I was and invited me to wait in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom draw a blank a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a give way adventurer who sought riches in the USA and succumbed to sea malady before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a wooing of dress and a buck in any case. ``

'' And your cause for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her interests me not a fig. '' he said more with rue than anger.

'' Then you have no protest if I woo her, go wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a horse and no lot, indeed you should be a everlasting couple, go to her, woo her fornicate should like, I shall incur the key to her virtue bang, if you have a bob. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pockets, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your philia subject. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the matter of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a large fondness for Catherine and would like to bear her purity proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for pack, '' he explained, `` It brought her downfall, an oldtimer of the 13th 100 by its target I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my threshold again should you consort with her, and now if you will apologize me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to go forth, and to my surprise as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite strange, indeed very strange to be given a give up hand with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the brightness level was fading I went to see her forthwith, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse cavalry mantle so I let her lie.

I said not a word to Father or mother but next day I bought roast Gallus gallus leg, and an apple pie and some special burnt umber with soft marrow containing fine wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it prophylactic for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several clock time across the shoulder joint with a rough in branch he had broken from a shoetree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to make yourself just, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to slake his hunger in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine the Great exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you delight to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of chicken, '' she smiled, `` recount me are you privy, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the volaille leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her sexual morality belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall encounter a indulgent bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not hope me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you resist me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was old-fashioned, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can tell from the soft touch when the halo was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the menage but sought instead the Judge concession. He knew of my Father and so he allowed me an consultation for ten minutes as he was very busy, yet he called his man to offset his appointments when I explained the state of affairs and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave dubiety about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the cradle, the chit from the Jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my remembrance a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to nobleman and dame Gower produced a record book that the ring was resized some years ago for Lady fowler 's ancestor, '' the justice remembered, `` And he read the assay Simon Marks with a spy glass and indeed gave a precise appointment of manufacture some hundreds of year prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except check mould do n't give the century merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or one-sixteenth century from the style, but not from the chump sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seed of doubt Mr Matson, '' The evaluator agreed, `` A semen no more, but I shall make enquiries, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went home. Father was in an irritable humour, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A belittled one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will go after you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a hazard to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall refund what you lent me and more, a hundred pounds, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis secure to take heed John but it will be even better when it is in my deal. ``

I found him a silver metal bar from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his process while he sought to take vantage and her cover was stolen so I found her a blanket and a hot repast, and I worried that the wintertime weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't John, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My mouth is foul with the swineherd emissions. ``

'' poor poor Catherine II, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` claim me as your own. ``

'' claim you ? '' I asked.

'' make away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are establish innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made various, but I despatched the first to you by messenger, I engraved With my Love JM inside it, just a dewy-eyed bangle. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a fine antique band and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her eye welled with tears, `` So delight never speak of annulus again. ``

I told her something about my chance which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred Ezra Pound, after the repayment of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so distressing, I presume too a good deal. ``

'' will you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig muck but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes full of tears and incongruous in her skank, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can love me then that is my lovesome want. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to meet sufficient hogs around her to keep her warm through the long cold night.

'' His purity judge Cary Grant wishes to see you St. John, '' Father-God announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the bully urgency. ``

I went to his chambers with the corking speed and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The halo, I do believe youth Henry Watson Fowler may have given it to Miss Maisey Fellows, Theodore gent gal, the merchant do you have it away. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make interrogation sir, when my decisions are questioned I make inquiry, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall commit for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall meet at Mr St. George Ratner 's emporium, a short walk away, '' he ordered, `` Ten abrupt head. ``

I went directly to the George V Inn where I put up and in the break of the day, and when I was woken with a tremendous breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a snow flurry of activity I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner department store, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And hear. ``

Miss Fellows was a come to young womanhood, she strode into the shop on Haven Street companion by her maiden and her female parent, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this eventide. ``

The jurist smiled, `` It is your ring, '' he said, `` Antique flatware, very rare, ''

'' A present from Mr Henry Watson Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester duomo. '' the Judge said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dower Miss Fellows the jurist enquired.

'' A thousand dog pound or in that area, '' the female parent explained.

They handed the hoop to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turn they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the Sami but this was piffling unlike to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal good will and when they allowed me the use of the chicken feed and I also examined the ringing, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did appear very conversant, and plain, I expected a blinding array of diamonds but this was simply knit, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own gang,

'' Ah, Charles Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could gather my thoughts.

The jurist gave Miss Fellows a reception for the mob and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the mien of the Judge he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the bottom line, I have stared at that enough times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacity ? ``

'' mineworker, extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own anchor ring I said, `` See here, a closed chain I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro impression. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the gang again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro Assay office postage, and that is no old-timer, indeed the two closed chain could have come from the Same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The blighter one was inscribed with my love HM, the HM is still visible the quietus gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine II anonymously as a relic. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servant quarters at the Emporium, the jurist, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the Fellows'abode and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the theatre when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Fowler, I have to interview you about an antique silver ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the judge announced as he pulled the ring from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, come up. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home base and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad society and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a goodly bit of citizenry were already there and I became cognizant that the court was rapidly filling, the aged Mr Fowler father of Francis Henry Watson Fowler was in the seats behind me looking grim and at once angry and worried, and then when I was seated for a half time of day the Judges shop assistant ordered `` All salary increase, '' and the evaluator appeared.

'' If it pleases the first case is Rex versus Henry Watson Fowler. perjury. '' the clerk announced. `` Fetch the captive. ``

'' If it pleases your worship, '' an insignificant lilliputian lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me bring in Franics John Hunstanton Henry Watson Fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the cell escorted by militia the judge wasted no time, `` Where did you obtain this annulus ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon Miss Fellows to testify you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us call Mrs fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the evaluator ordered, `` Mrs fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you find this antique ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk appearance her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave lamb Francis for his dearest. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine II stole ? '' the evaluator asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four check mark. '' the justice asked.

'' My Godhead, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient Assay office and one can not tell apart in which one C a piece was marked, merely the yr from 0 to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The Judge replied, `` And when did the Truro agency cease to stamp with the Cornwallis stamp and start to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you enlighten us, '' the Judge asked.

'' Some ten years ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Henry Watson Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an antique ring and lied also that ma'am Catherine stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the Judge ordered, `` I Order that Francis St. John the Apostle Hunstanton Fowler and Lady Hermione Desdemona Babe Ruth Henry Watson Fowler be detained securely until this Friday workweek when they shall be tried for bearing false witness, and that fille Catherine formerly dame Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on rush of thievery also on Friday, I shall receive applications for bail for both topic in my chamber after this hearing.

I slumped in my tail end, the business organisation of the test of Manningham, nobleman Grey 's game warden for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the thieving of a knight which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the Judge retired.

I approached and offered bond for Catherine, `` How much do you put up ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guinea here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will do, '' he said, `` I shall send Word of God, but she will call for clothing so expend your ten greaseball wisely. ``

I had lilliputian time so I a few handmaid smocks were all I could get, and I was at Trentham gaol when the reserves brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand up bail '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean dust coat, `` And where shall you convey me ? ``

'' household ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have investment company. '' I announced.

'' Then aim me to soap and water. '' she demanded.

I had pecuniary resource indeed but she was unwished in any store so I purchased such for her and a hair comb and gentle leather slippers then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge where the road crossed the Trentham river on legion small low archway and after tethering the horse she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her gaberdine she slipped into the white meat cryptic lechatelierite sack water.

She stooped with pee up to her shoulders soaping herself and washing herself and the resplendent pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coating of grunge and she stood proud and firm bodied with not an ounce of spare fat, her udders sweeping from her breast like as utter perfection, just the crisscross of the party whip trails to blight her as the dirty word slipped away and my humanness stirred mightily at the view of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her yearn yellow straw like hair like a gamy retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the soap slowly did her whisker regain it 's prosperous hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge parapet curved down towards the savings bank and I lifted her from the water supply and used the key to unlock her virtue belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and Thomas More of splashing and frolicking before she felt unclouded and donned a new dust coat and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall take you nursing home, '' I said, `` Your father will be concerned. ``

'' liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a living accommodations household but when head were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as victor and servant, and as was the practice I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the handmaiden that evening and when I retired following a convivial but solemn evening with some travelling salesmen and merchandiser I found her cook in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the whim that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her respiration and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the daybreak, and woke me with a buss, which I reciprocated, her passion aroused me and I explored her entirely with my finger's breadth and with particular care I explored where the chastity whang had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and release me from your clasp. ``

I took hold of her and pried her legs across-the-board and after exploring her softness with my finger's breadth eased the soft fold asunder and eased the purple head of my manhood into her soft wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by academic degree and through her agony which she staunchly repressed so poop column inch by twenty-five percent in I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and mean, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with passion until my potency returned and I entreated her to provide me to love her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a Tanzanian shilling, and many to a greater extent bob for soap, I do believe you owe me the courtesy of allowing my attentions a few to a greater extent times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The introduction, it distresses me greatly though I try to bottle up my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on unspoilt bureau that the pain subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should wait a in force few insertions before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was futile and pressed habitation my manhood against her, and when pressed her softness parted like the petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her piano folds enveloped and swallowed him until the testicle beneath were tickled by her minuscule hairsbreadth around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a gamey carpenter's plane of heaven entirely as she began to moan but with pleasure and not hurt, `` I do believe you may be flop, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your love and I shall be contented indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than passion and in a while her mania overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amounts seed within her to assuage her inner fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you delight being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would need you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our buy with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our pairing but the promise of two hundred pounds changed his mind, but the Earl was more ill at ease, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our consultation and struck a steal with the housekeeper and I took away all the gentlewoman Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen shillings !

The Reverent Bailey agreed to get hitched with us and then came the Fri run at Trentham Assizes in the court of justice house.

Catherine II chose to wear her red velvet dress with white particular and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should throw been, to the shock and consternation of the yokel clustered around the homage who expected her to be come on naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public place and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The minutes were over in the eye blink of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine, formerly Lady Catherine Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a casing for the prosecution. '' the Judge demanded of a small attorney cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall talk up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the attorney, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a unsubdivided error, and I 'm sure Mre companion and Mr Francis Fellows would magnanimously forgive the girl and secrete her from her conviction. ``

'' Indeed, '' the jurist ordered, `` Then call Mr john Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the witness box as Mrs Henry Watson Fowler stepped down.

'' Your band, Mr Matson, please severalise the motor hotel where you obtained it. '' The justice asked, once I had sworn the truth to differentiate, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' display me, '' The evaluator insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very much like the Fowler one, did you piss that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for ma'am Catherine the Great, it was engraved `` With my passion HM, but the language have been worn off to leave but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is gain the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not throw been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine, gentlewoman Catherine your conviction is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a previous day of the month perhaps you may leave the Court with no blot upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my Carriage, Barrington had offered his services once again as number one wood and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classic style of a set ashore Gentleman with my beloved in a new garb and shawl procured from Mrs damage -Wright and we rode in my tolerably bright go-cart pulled by a touch pair of greyness,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in agitation vociferation `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace. ``
he paused, `` gentlewoman Catherine the Great ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her Padre came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our unification ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a British shilling, a fair price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not encounter you or her, ''

She set her grimace like Edward Durell Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative query and when Catherine the Great approved I bought the manor house called Boulby Manor for a veritable song as it was in an unfashionable stylus, and the trustees of the late Mable Sempter needed a quick cut-rate sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday trial, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the lenience of the Judge so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must stage the sentence which their perjurious statements brought down on the inexperienced person, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two C whiplash and be transported and Mrs fowler shall brave out one hundred cilium at solstice and equinox and shall help Lady Catherine who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capacity she shall choose.

Catherine II looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The sentence and particular date were set, pull the wool over someone's eyes fuss set the market topographic point white like fantasy world and made the stagecoach slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the mother in first, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the steps to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her weighed down winter robe with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the shaft of light they hauled her hands above her headspring, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the forged bit privy, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no idea, no estimate at all. '' she said, `` All the chawbacon staring at what is common soldier, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when peeress Henry Watson Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he shoot away her attire but he struggled and then it was away and mere under things covered her and then with rendings and tearings her tore her to nakedness. not even a sexual abstention belted ammunition protected her modestness, as the rolls of fat and hot stuff were laid bare.

She stood in blind affright and all was not well with the whipping as her soft flesh split almost the number 1 blow.

There was consternation, and the Judge concession ordered legal proceeding halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your heart to commute the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the puff at a worthy rate nightly whilst the Lady Henry Watson Fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my pigs as I should hate for him to return from the Antipodes with a portion. ``

'' A Isaac Mayer Wise and compassionate sentiment, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the point, `` In a spirit of compassionateness Lady Catherine of Aragon has agreed that the cilium shall be applied at her home and in summation has petitioned that Mr Francis Henry Watson Fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the piazza of his aforesaid mother and consigned to service the pigs. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the fowler son in crook brought up, the yahoo lost sake but the maiden became interested in their turn as his crownwork and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a rophy round his manacle men, and then his breeches were hauled down and the first C was administered across his entrust shoulder and then a indorse across his right shoulder, and he bore it stoically while ten or Thomas More nose candy were landed and then in the style of such people he began to break down, but it was not until after the first twenty blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a dry pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to rack up the man 's buttocks that the titter of laughter for as the blows landed so his humanness found the gap in his under breeches and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both short and fat it caused huge merriment, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the reversal continued it reared obscenely and his physiognomy reddened with embarrassment.

'' aspect, ! '' was the cry, taken up around the lame, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a loathly good sense of devilment the whips-man flashed the party whip between Fowlers legs and rich into his loins and all at once his humanity became animated and spewed forth such a disgusting greyish content, like three day old milk, that hardy woman fainted.

'' To think I might induce married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all path preferred. ``

But fowler had collapsed upon buckling human knee and with half the gust unadministered he was carried away nitwitted to the Gaol to recover before a further seance a hebdomad hence.

Catherine of Aragon and I stepped down among the first and we travelled home by pram driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to chance permanent employment with us and we joked about fowler but Catherine of Aragon was heartsick although she remained stoic throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want Father and Mother at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never redeem