My First Lesbian Experience

It was late. It was raining. And dark. And cold.

The auditory sensation of the folk grouping wafted down the street from the Flying Horse as I nibbled at something that might once have been a cod before it was cremated and sealed in composition board flavoured scandalmongering concrete and stuffed in newspaper with slices of raw potato.

I opened the pub room access as the north chow premier ( and only ) Lesbian anti Pedophile banding Boris and the Pedos sang.
"String the sod up"
"String the sodomite up"
"There's nothing as vile as a paedophile, so string the buggers up !"An hearing of three skin forefront and an old codger who mistook it for dominoes night sat there bored out their skulls.

"All right Johnno ?"Boris the hint singer shouted as her striation rested between numbers.

Nearly bald, five five over twenty gemstone, squeezed into extra large jeans three sizes too small with a leather cap what had probably been old when the get-go world war was on she was the sort of butch lesbian who got butch lesbians a bad figure.

mind you the way she liked fucking convicted pedos up the ass with a sleigh hammering handle made me question whether she actually was a lesso. She had cracking bass baritone voice though, pity she was spirit deaf.

"Not so bad, how's it going ?"I asked.

"Not so bad,"she said,"Any favorites ?"

"Bit of poetry ?"I suggested,"The gallows tree ?"

"Sit thee down, and rest awhile."
"And watch the lonely pedophile."I started

"As swaying gently in the breeze, he dangles from the gallows tree !"she finished, ah that's poetry.

"You can't bring food in here,"Sandra the barmaid shouted.

"Its from the kebab shop, I don't reckon it counts as nutrient,"I moaned.

"Them fucking puss hates us,"Harley Charlie, the moped riding top dog skinhead announced,"They ought to fuck off back where the seed from."

"Where fucking Oldham ?"his mate asked.

"Who gives a fuck, lets have a sing Song dynasty, that old one,"he said drunkenly,"Elwyn Brooks White drop-off of Dover !"

"We'll chuck Pedos over, the Theodore Harold White Cliffs of capital of Delaware, tomorrow just you wait and see."

"We'll get all them illegitimate child and chuck the remainder over after,"I suggested,"Then we'll be fucking Pedo free !"

"You got the words Johnno ?"Boris asked.

"No I just fucking made it up, Saviour fucking christ."I replied.

"brand a snap phonograph record,"Charlie said, and he stood up,"penury a dump, get the drinkable in Nobber."

"Why the fuck do I always get to get the boozing in ?"Nobber asked.

"‘ Cause your on benefits, no one else got any cash ?"I suggested.

"Fucking hard oeuvre, benefits, having to remember to fucking limp."Nobber said, but no one gave a fuck.

"What you having Johnno ?"Sandra asked.

"Anal ?"I suggested.

"To fuddle not later you filthy bastard !"Sandra retorted and Boris flashed me a grim expression, she must have thought she had pulled.

"rat piss,"I said.

"You can induce one Stella ‘ suit I know what your ilk after a few dry pint eh Mr Floppy !"Sandra laughed.

"All fucking right, it was only once."I stammered as me face went brightly red,"Ever ready me."

"roll in the hay anything anything any time ?"can Richard Morris Hunt the bookie from Matson street walked out the bog and started taunting me. hunting the Cunt as we called him.

"Long as its over 18, and has a cunt and a pulse,"I protested.

"Like a cow ?"he laughed.

"Technically they has a hall not a cunt,"I said using my higher-up reason gained from watching pointless shtup game show and exchangeable crap on pointless ass day TV.

"Her then,"he said pointing at Boris.

"ass off she's a fucking Lesso."I said supportively.

"Fifty quid says you can't."He suggested.

"Fifty quid each ?"Boris asked.

"Two hundred, make it five !"Hunt the Cunt taunted.

"Jesus of Nazareth,"Boris said,"I could use a few quid as it happens."

"Oh for fucks sake,"Hunt sighed,"I was taking the piss."

"We heard,"Harley Charlie chuckled,"What you reckon Johnno ?"

"Yeah, why not, I'm up for it."I lied. Jesus it would be halfway to turning fucking gay. Fucking a fat bald geezer even if it did have a cunt somewhere under the ugly great fold of belly skin.

"This I just got to see !"Sandra said. What I didn't know was she texted all her mates and said to number round and watch.

"So what's your game ?"Nobber asks Hunt the Cunt.

"Just like to see Lesbos sorted out,"he sniggered.

"Wants a contribution of the CCTV right hand more like,"I sighed knowing half of Saudiafuckingrabia had seen my ass bobbing around on some porno distribution channel streamed from the CCTV as I gave Sandra a lot one dark after lock up.

"Lads what do you take me for ?"Hunt asked.

"Money grabbing pussy,"Harley Charlie said nicely.

"Yeah well making money's me hobby ennit ?"Hunt laughed,"Go on. I'll make it a sublime each."

"I dunno,"I said,"What you reckon Boris ?"

"If your up for it I am."she said,"I need the cash."

"getting up for its the job,"I thought to me self as I tried to shut me eyes and think of England, or actually that scene in Nippon Porno Farm three where the Jap female child all strip off on the parade ground and pop out doing exercises until the fella start fucking them.

It was no full, me cock did a passable imitation of a French S shipment ( snail ).

"In the back room ?"I suggested.

"whorl the door Sandra,"hunt club suggested.

"screwing that me mates is coming,"Sandra explained.

"Oh fucking jesus."I thought.

"rightfulness lets do one more than set of can buy me have it off,"Boris called as she twanged a ugly row from her authentic Chinese Scatocaster Guitar, It might ingest worked better if she had noticed it was for 120 V not 240 but reading and thinking were not exactly her impregnable points.

"Buy me a ball field closed chain you cunt and you can sleep with me tonight."
"joystick it up me bum you cunt and I'll make it all seem right.
"effort all I want is,"“ mess of money and Money can buy me love,"
"Can buy me luh-uv,"
she wailed.

Poor old Macker Lennon must take in been turning in his pit.

Actually the pub was filling nicely.

Boris was starting another set.

"Tie a fucking pedo round the old oak tree
If he fucking dies its all right by me."

"Who writes this mother fucker ?"Hunt asked.

I never admitted anything,"Its irony,"I said.

"Fucking racist,"he said shaking his head.

"Across the sea, where all the priests are pedophiles, ''
"Celibate means the shag lot are gay."Boris warbled to what might well have been supposed to be the tune to"Danny Boy."

"Christ rice beer Johnno she'll be on the racist crap next do something !"Sandra hissed in me lug hole as the pub filled with her mates.

I stepped up to the microphone, I got a one-half decent vocalization, well it was ok till it broke, sort of split up down the middle more like, when me balls dropped."You all know this one,"I shouted and started singing a crapello, that means on me tod.

"The Dew on the hayfield, the mist on the stream.
The river runs down to the sea."

"We gather together to recognize the dawn
and England belongs to me."

Boris's mate crashed in a few random chords on bass Guitar which was handy because I started far too high

"So bugger the spaniards and sodomize the frogs, and bugger the old EEC
The completely fucking Eurozone can get stuffed 'cause England belongs to me."

"Italians are pedopiles so are the krauts, the smoothen have all got VD
So lets get and build an atomic turkey and blow them to buggery."

"And blow them to Bug, and fellate them to Bug,"

"And blow them to bug er ree !"I finished as a solo and then tried to prepare a run for it.

"Bloody hell that was fucking brilliant !"this pissed up harlot with DD boob and blonde hairsbreadth straight out of a atomizer can who might suffer passed for 25 on a dark night where you couldn't see the wrinkles under her center cooed as she pressed her tit against me.

Suddenly S Cargo turned to frankfurter, well more comparable broom grip if I'm reliable ‘ causa I wont see twenty again in a rush like either.

"Ohhh you are a big boy,"she cooed as she cupped me balls through me jeans.

"Its now or never,"I thought as I pulled away from her.

"And now the principal event,"I said,"metal drum bankroll please Karen."

"I'm fucking Elsie you blind twat !"the drummer replied but she started smacking nether region out of the metal drum skins all same.

"Go for it ?"Boris asked.

I nodded.

She pulled down her skin tight supernumerary bombastic jeans and the biggest roll of pink belly fat you ever did see cascaded down completely hiding what looked like a midget pair of pinko panties.

Me ardour was fading. ( Posh lingo for me pecker was shrinking, fast )

"Stick it anywhere no one will notice !"Boris hissed as I dropped my pants and pushed her against the bar.

Now any sensible fucker would have rubbered up but I didn't have time, and anyway contrive A was to sprout up somewhere under a gyre of flabby under her belly push but wouldn't you know John Lowell Thomas went straight for the moist smirch. I reckon she must have fancied the blonde tart with the DDs Lapp as I had.

The flavor of me bare turncock head on a moist twat mouth is much the same whether its Brianny or Mad Donna or soul what looks like some fuckers grandad and I made the error of shutting me eyes.

Next fucking thing I was going for it. Fucking JT was in. right up, that fucking flab was soft as fuck and just flowed out the way. She was truly fucked. I was truly fucked.

"Oh god."I moaned but I never had the sentience to stop.

"No don't that feels too overnice, for nookie sake Johnno !"Boris was wailing.

I started going for it, like a fucking terrier against a wellington bang, it felt too fucking good. It was all haywire and then the pressure dismissal alert went off in me bollocks.

"Ready or not I'm coming !"I shouted and to a bloody big sunniness I shot me load.

"fraud !"individual cried.

"He fucking didn't he slimed me !"Boris protested and she showed three of her podgy fingers inside her and dragged them out glistening with spunk.

nooky applause all round, fucking ten I. F. Stone and a bit weakling and a dyke les. It must have looked hilarious, like one of them little manlike spiders fucking them huge female person black widder wanderer except I hadn't been ate yet.

"Pay clock time,"I said as John Hunt tried to sneak away.

"Fair do's you earned it,"he laughed and he flashed a wad of notes. I flicked through.

"And the rest,"I said without counting.

He coughed up another ton or so which brought it just over two grand which was fair.

"You really would make love anything you fucking louse,"Sandra said.

"shag pot calling the fucking kettleful,"I said,"At least I get a grand not a half of lager and a few chips."

"Too shay,"she said,"Anyway its galosh for you now, you don't know where that's been."

"Fucking morning after pill, is the late night chemist still give ?"I asked.

"I crumbled two in her vodka and orange,"Sandra said,"person has to depend after you."

"I know,"I said,"I am grateful."

"Elsie says if I have IVF and have triplets we can get a 3 bedroom council house straight away,"Sandra said all sinless like.

"Not that fucking grateful,"I said as Boris decided not to bother trying to force her belly back in her denim but to stick around the spare part mike up her puss instead as she launched in to song.

"He's got a Pedo's bollock in his hand,
He's got his cock and bollocks in his hired hand,"and as she sang,
'' He's got a Pedo's bullock block in his hired man, '' again the the consultation joined in with.
"And he'll rip the fuckers off !"

"There ain't no way for Pedo's in this farming,"they continued.

I'd had adequate, I felt sick, that was pretty low fucking a ugly butch Les for money, Ok improve than embroil roads or collecting tax or walking the streets like a plod but pretty blooming low.

I opened the door. There were half a XII uniforms sheltering in the porch.

"Oh its you Allthwaite,"the law Sergeant said knowingly,"Off home ?"

"Nah off down the Mosk for Friday Prayers."I corrected him.

"Its Tues,"the police sergeant corrected,"This valet is your actual Black Moslem Gay Lesbian Transsexual member of every bloody minority the home plate office has ever heard of and plenty more than beside, arrest him at your peril."

My reputation had preceded me"Box ticking,"I agreed.

"Just fuck off."He said.

So I did, and they arrested some gent who came out his gaff in his nightshirt to complain about the row.

Its a laughable old world.

And that was me first of all tribade experience .