varsity letter to a honey. We all have had somebody in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our liveliness, others, like me, have lost them.
To my costly stunner,

wellspring, it 's been three old age since the last clock time I saw you. Three twelvemonth since I 've heard your laugh. Three age since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't call back about you, lecture to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can see me. Every clip I close my center, I see your smiling human face. There are metre I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two times since you left. It 's just not the same without you to pick on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four Sir Robert Eric Mortimer Wheeler either, I kinda overleap my skinny little rider. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three years, I 've more or less kind of existed. sure enough, I 've tried to move on, chance a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. distance, clip, personallity engagement, all have been agent in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my spirit. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a hanker and healthy life, and every time he closes his optic, he sees you, to remind him of the underworld that he 's caused. '' cartel me looker, I do.

I 'm not sure as shooting whom she meant that phrasal idiom toward, but, I do know deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, creditworthy. Never once did I mean to wound, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my loser on a day-after-day, ground, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many ways. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the self-aggrandising reasons was the fact that I truly did love you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the right ways, our circumstances prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my site would get spoiled, but, more scared that you would actually pass up my love, which would demolish what little feel I had. There was also a sociable aspect looker, the love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at least toward you people would lower. I wanted nothing more than to extract you close, kiss you softly, and bind you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how fellowship works, that could n't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep love life in my pump

I 'm learning to a greater extent every day, seeing matter now, that I missed then. The little things, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to light up. The times that you 'd require to spend sentence just the two of us. The random hugs, the occasional `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in battlefront of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little augury you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It 's my burden, and some 24-hour interval, I truly do struggle with it. The language are just Holy Writ, i can say `` I 'm distressing '' a billion times a day, and it would n't stool any dispute. No quantity of `` I 'm no-good '' can bring in you back, or take away the nuisance that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm sorry '' that really issue, is the one mystifying interior of my kernel, that I hope that you can sense, and hear when I talk to you. That spirit of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm damn to dwell the lifespan that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be whole again. I will continue to exist, probably for a very retentive fourth dimension, but, I 'll never feel as truly happy as I did. Three long years, is just the first whole step into the life history that I will contribute. That life started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be minute of walking on air, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure enough that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally thankful to you. Either way, I 'm gladiolus, and proud to ingest shared in your life for as long as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't alter our past, only hope that our past does n't destroy our time to come. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a different case of love, I 'm drear for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your storage. I love you, and have loved you for a very long clock time, I just wish well I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris