For as recollective as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a better rendering of myself. A hoagy to someone, but every time I see danger or bother, I end up ... freezing. I guess the Hero life-time is just not for me ... I never introduced myself though did I journal ? You 're new, I 'm new to you and here I am already throwing stuff at you like this, I 'm disconsolate. My name is Leon, Leon President Carter. I 'm 14 and I 'm a high starter. I love games, comics, dancing, drinking chocolate and I 'm a BIG, BIG Superhero fan, namely ... Superman.

I know, I know ... one would say that a guy my age is should be more into Batman, or really should n't be into cartoon paladin at all ... but I just love it. The stories, the superintendent sept, and the new Superboy Jonathan ? So lovely ! Not many people like it, and I get it, but I guess ... to each one their own I guess ...

But this entry tonight is not for me to blab about Superman, but about ... well ... who I am.

Sorry about how I unevenly write, I 'm just not used to it, but here we go !

I ... am adopted, I do n't remember when or how I got here but the bomb calorimeter just dropped one day for me. My parents called me down and secern me one day. I 'd say I took it kinda well, I did n't cry or anything, do n't even think I felt anything actually ... I got numb and just ... kept on livelihood. Maybe it 's due to the fact that my parents love me so much and that I do n't know anything other than them as my parents, but I did n't feel anything damaging towards them ... anyway, I go to school, I have a best Friend and lots of friends that take care of me because they say I 'm endearing. I guess that 's cool actually, that everyone likes me this much. I just do n't get what I have that 's so impressive.

One thing about me that I find ... well, Weird is ... well ... I do n't even fuck why I 'm writing it as if I 'm talking but whatever ...

I do n't experience confortable in relationships.

I love how my champion like me and care about me, I love my parents, but the mere thought of having someone actually love me to the point of wanting to be WITH me gets me ... anxious. I 've had two girl before, sooo let 's public lecture about that.

My foremost girlfriend 's public figure was Eva. She was sugariness, she was beautiful ... had these brownish-yellow eyes and black hair ... She would always stick around me, said she 's protect me and my smile, and I said I 'd do the Lapplander for her ... turns out ... early people feeling the Lapplander as you can get tidy sum of bother. The fact that my acquaintance all like me just as a lot made her feel ... unappreciated ... and I ca n't blame her. We broke up in 3 months.

My secondment girlfriend was called Lola, and she was awesome. Tough young lady, long black hair and blue eyes I 'd easily get lost in. She was really, really tough ... closest to a real life heroine I could meet. One day, we were coming out of the picture show when we were jumped by this guy with a knife make to rob us. As I said, I froze, I could n't do anything ( And regret it to this day ) but her ? She flipped the guy over herself as if he was made of report, dunno if it was shock or fear but he simply got up and ran away from us. I 'm grateful to her ever since this day. We really hit it off as a yoke. Similar tastes, euphony and biz ... but ... well ... she 's an ex for a cause right ?

She told me something, something that scared me a lot ... she said `` I love you ''. And I could n't ... say it back to her. And after 3 days ... we talked it out and broke up ... I just ... could n't ...

Ok, I just gave myself some face slaps and I 'm set to talk about the next soul ... the one I let loose all the time. Ian Anderson.

I 've known Ian ever since we were small. We always had fun together ... he is so polite and happy and there 's something about the way he winks that just says `` Do n't worry, I got it ''. He is my age and we are in the Lapplander classes, we like the Lapplander stuff and nonsense and he 's really brave ... intrepid guy I 've ever known. He is my one true submarine sandwich, and I ca n't help but notice that ... everytime he winks at me, reassuring me that everything is going to be ok ... my pith skips a beat. I get nervous, I get happy and kinda disappointed that I get to sense this way and have no estimate what to do with this flavor ...

Ian is my practiced friend, always was. I feel ... Weird when I 'm around him. I 'm always happy with him. I 'm laughing writing this because ... there was this time he got here, my parents were out and we played games all day, danced around like a bunch of kids, American ginseng together and even had pizza for dinner. It was one of the happy days of my life. So chill, so right ... he always reassured me that he was having a lot of fun with me, and I could say the Saame to him. He was the intellect I even changed my style !

I used to ingest a mussy black hair, one day, he just went `` Hey, ever thought of like ... dyeing your hair ? Blond or something ''. I remember it vividly ... he ... ran his fingers on my hair on the area that should be blond and said `` Maybe lower it on the face a bit ? ''. I laughed at that, it was so ... afters. I would never front as chill as Ian though. His whisker is spiky Robert Brown, his eyes are the most beautiful refinement of greenness ... different shades. Yeah, you heard me.. uhh .... read it. He has heterochromia and it 's the cool thing ever !

Which brings me to the ... reason I 'm writing this down ... I 've been feeling different about him ... not the skipping a wink ... more like ... I want to be so a good deal closemouthed to him, not seeing him trauma ... and my protagonist seem to observe that I 'm anxious when he is not around. They poke fun, dear natured of grade, but I was thinking ... maybe ... I 'm not the only one feeling like that ... what if I really am not ? What if he feels the same way ? Oh God what if he does n't ? Why am I so ... weirdo about it ? Am I going screwball ?

Is it ... just me ?

Maybe I 'll invite him over tomorrow ... try to talk about it ... I 'll be home alone, great chance. What could go haywire ?