Nozzer's first Gay sex.

It's humour not hard core.

We was down the Flying horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the match looking for a few away supporters to remind them that their team may be amend at kicking ballock but we was improve at kicking bollocks if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on form. He kept gasping for breath and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Frank Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a turn in, It was getting late, folk was leaving."Keep the modification,"I says.

"What change you owe another ten pound L,"the know it all manager shouts earning himself a good kicking the next wickedness rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us table with nine pints and a packet of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to scud her titmouse, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the crimson in her belly button down her cleavage, could give birth seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weighting recently.

"What you do'in'after lads ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me hair maybe, and there's summat good on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat good with sixty bloody channels,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just slide down them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to loosen it up."Mikey suggested.

"Needs summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now piteous old Nozzer couldn't have his beer. Ten pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the road when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how pansy started,"I said,"Some hapless SOB couldn't shit so his spouse buggered him to loosen it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the lounge bar where several sharply dressed blokes was sat round. I knew one of them, Peter"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a daze of hard liquor fume,"Anything."

I went into the waiting room, They was all there, gay as fuck, all sharply cause and that. One had a dress on. pin-up shade of garden pink, ruth he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate partiality you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, Vice pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit liberal tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly stopcock up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"well it used to be commemorate ?"I said,"When you used to get a hard on in the cascade ?"

"Oh,"he said,"Well what did you bear all those slippery well inflect masculine bodies just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer phantasy batting for your side or at to the lowest degree having a trial,"I says.

He stared me right in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr glass, is in it for you ?"

"I'll pic it on me phone, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the lock chamber in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm well-chosen with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me tail and Tell Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fancies you so its all set up for ignition lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

ringlet in started around XI, Sandra locks and bolted the door, hung her knee breeches on the door knob and started selling durex at ten quid a stroke before she sat on the billiard mesa, legs cattle farm wide and started wanking with a nursing bottle of Newcastle Robert Brown. Newcastle Brown I ask you ! No year that bint, she had empty champagne bottles and Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle-upon-Tyne Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pink pussy lips.

Thing was she had no takers ‘ causa everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the blokes had their phone out and the early lot, them what batted for the other side of meat, had their prick out wanking.

Nozzer had his trouser down as he bent over the Billiard table, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum segmentation when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Levis and M & S Wye straw man lash out his ankle joint while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a decent spectre of jet if I remember in good order. He had a right boner. Mine would have turned inside out and done a runner if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

soul splashed some lubricator over Nige's dick, I say lube, it might have been gear case oil or washing up liquidness for all I know.

Then it was down to business, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining green covered member eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the tight opening slowly easing outdoors from the firm pressure level of his rampant member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waist for more purchase and grunted with the drive. Beads of exertion broke out on his brow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's turncock hung down like a shrivel up Brassica rapa. The cock in his ass felt good, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this metre he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten pints of Frank Philip Stella and a Chicken Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige thrusting in but something was pushing back. His feet began to slip. His cock was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the clobber of nightmares. Hs cock was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the dreaded son of a bitch python.

"For shtup sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his trouser and landed on his back.

The python stuck its brown point out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solid shaft of shit oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the spot, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the flooring like a big brownness snake coiled up ready to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

Poor old Nige was in melt down."Jesus !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his condom using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh pitiful Nige,"she says. She helped him to brook up and kissed him on the bonce,"semen to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a flash lamp of inspiration, she popped her left tit out for Nige to suck on.

"Never nous mamma loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"mum has a peculiar front bottom so you can eff her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog scroll. Sandra was ordering no one in specific to clean the Irish bull up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"want to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice social movement underside ?"Sandra asked in a stupid voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a fresh durex on Nige's hammer. She eased around and bent-grass over the edge of the snooker table and reaching between her stage she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her puss. Nige eased into the unfamiliar warm slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so little resistance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his cock with well practised cunt muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to flash his load.

Nozzer was rapt."Man that was the best shit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might call on gay me self if its that undecomposed,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to take a crap,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"right wing,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the wee mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his safety full of tinder and his look absolutely white,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girl mate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five quid pro quo by the way."

"Ghogof week,"I says,"give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No pauperism to drive the piss."

Not the most raw of solvent anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the usual direction.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and future bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker table and her infantry on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's mates were staring in skepticism, they couldn't get their heads around it. Nige fucking a boo. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any route, so we all had a few more than bevvies and went home. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about fashion and women's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every fourth dimension he saw an ass hole he imagined a shit python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a dainty few plug out of Nige and every gay bloke in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his constipation .