Letter to a love. We all have had person in our animation that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our lifespan, others, like me, have lost them.
To my dearest sweetheart,

Well, it 's been three years since the conclusion time I saw you. Three years since I 've heard your laugh. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable eld of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, talk to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can try me. Every time I close my optic, I see your smiling face. There are times I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the elbow room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two time since you left. It 's just not the Saami without you to pick on me around the blast. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda miss my skinny little rider. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three years, I 've more or less sort of existed. Sure, I 've tried to move on, see a new family relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. distance, meter, personallity battle, all have been ingredient in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my pith. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and healthy spirit, and every time he closes his center, he sees you, to cue him of the hell that he 's caused. '' confidence me lulu, I do.

I 'm not for certain whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do screw deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible for. Never once did I mean to hurt, or neglectfulness you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my failure on a day-to-day, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many ways. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did love you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the right manner, our circumstances prevented me showing you my dearest. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my place would get worse, but, More scared that you would actually reject my love, which would break down what little spirit I had. There was also a sociable facial expression stunner, the erotic love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at least toward you people would frown. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and make you as we walked through the center or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't go on. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The piffling things, the grinning at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eye seemed to light up. The times that you 'd need to spend clock time just the two of us. The random hugs, the episodic `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front line of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the trivial signs you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to modify any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It 's my effect, and some years, I truly do struggle with it. The words are just words, i can say `` I 'm meritless '' a billion times a day, and it would n't hit any difference. No sum of `` I 'm sorry '' can bring you back, or take away the pain in the neck that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm dreary '' that really matters, is the one deep inside of my essence, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That flavor of being alone will be there forever my Sweet, because I let you down. I 'm cursed to populate the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be totally again. I will continue to exist, probably for a very long time, but, I 'll never feel as truly happy as I did. Three long years, is just the beginning stairs into the spirit that I will moderate. That life sentence started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be mo of cloud nine, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very lamentable my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally thankful to you. Either way, I 'm glad, and proud to have got shared in your life for as long as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't convert our past, only hope that our past does n't ruin our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may suffer seen it as a different character of love, I 'm dingy for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to halt on to your storage. I love you, and have loved you for a very farsighted meter, I just wish I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris