Diary Entry September 21, 1911

Today was cold and wet. blend out for a walk anyway. The foliage are starting to turn and the dampness makes their coloration all the more acute. I so wish Jonathan was here to walk with me. I walked longer than I should and was quite chilled when I returned. I am never common cold when he is with me.

Diary Entry September 22, 1911

Awoke this morning very tight in my chest. I know it is just a minor congestion from too much walking in the rain, but Mother insisted on calling Dr. Jamison. He confirmed my diagnosing, prescribed a day in bed and several dosage of a tight elixir. It was another rainy and cold day so I had little desire to go out in any guinea pig. I used the meter to write a missive to my beloved Jonathan.

***

Mr. Jonathan Douglas

Hotel telephone exchange room 238

59 east Main Street

Chicago Illinois

beloved Jonathan :

I am forced to bed today by a trivial congestion. You know how I hate lying-in. But at least I have metre to indite and that offers practically comfort. I count the minutes till you return and we are forever joined. I can not say enough how glad it makes me knowing that I will soon be your wife.

Yesterday I went for a walk, in spite of the inclement weather. I walked up to the cemetery and placed heyday at the entry to the sept vault where my dear sister Clarissa lies. It is such a lovely spot, especially this time of class as the leaves cover the grass with their blanket of red, yellow and orange. The outgrowth of a smashing oak spread over the entrance, sheltering it. It is such a passive, contemplative home, I always feel refreshed when I come. I think it is because, for a patch, whatever pains I feel or problems are before me, they seem to evaporate to triviality as I contemplate the stark eonian peace, that Clarissa now knows and that we too will find in God 's own time. I feel her front so close as I stand there, beside her perch place. She was always so happy, in maliciousness of the frailties that plagued her since birth. She died two days ago, on the day that will be our wedding day. I still call up how, in her last moment, she took my hand and smiled, whispering `` perhaps, when next we meet, I shall finally beat you at badminton ''. Then a serene expression came to her face and she quietly drifted away.

Oh, Jonathan, I do so wish well she could be here to share our happy day. Yet I know I will feel her presence, smiling down from heaven, so happy for my felicity. On lighter theme, the house is in a commonwealth of such sum confusion you would call up the wedding was tomorrow. female parent is running this way and that, double checking on flowers, food for the reception, accommodations for Edgar Guest, and on and on. I do care you were here to lend a calming influence.

Oh Jonathan, please promise me that you will let nothing delay your return and that no matter what happens, we will be united on the appointed day.

All my interminable Love

Leona

***

Sept. 23

Bright and sunny, some parsimoniousness remains, but my climate is as gay as the brilliant orange and yellow foliage. Had what should be the terminal fitting on my nightdress. I ca n't believe that in only three calendar week I will break it down the aisle and become Mrs. Jonathan Douglas ! give-and-take can not evince the joy I feel.

Sept 24

Awoke this morn with frightful coughing. It cleared after a while but the good Doctor ordered me to bed and plied me with more than of his awful elixir. He seemed quite life-threatening, the old fool. None the less, I am sword lily that almost everything is cook for the wedding, so I can involve a few days to repose and regain. In only seven days my beloved Jack riposte from his travels. I count the hours till he can restrain me in his sleeve again.

September 25

This first light was frigidness and dampish, I awoke again with a good deal coughing and tactile sensation chilled. It passed by noontide but I remained in bed all day, feeling weak and weary. The doctor came, and went again. He was as assure as usual, but I noted a touch of concern in his vox. Mother too, seemed a bit anxious after speaking with him. I, however, am so certain that nothing will interfere with our happiness, that I discount their vexation. I know it is a trivial ailment and I shall be up and about in no time. For the represent I shall enjoy the opportunity to perch and escape from female parent 's constant flurry.

sept 26

Today started much like yesterday, but it was well yesteryear noon before felt well enough to sit up and take a little food. The niggardliness in my chest of drawers persists even yet. Initially I was sword lily of the rest, but now I feel remand. The doctor came and went, again, after forcing me to take more of his dreadful medicine. I do so wish this ill would pass. I feel I have so very much to do. Heaven forbid that my beloved Jonathan should retort from his journey and determine me still confined to my bed.

Sept 27

Today I confronted the Dr. about my illness, upon which his foul elixirs seem to have no issue. He tried to forfend the question and say it was zippo, but I could severalize he was not telling all and I persisted. Finally his face took on a grave reflexion. He told me he thought I was a strong woman who could confront the Sojourner Truth, he proceeded to tell me that I was suffering from the Sami ailment of the inwardness and lung that claimed my love sister. Of line he is a perfect fool ! How could he imagine such a thing !

Sept 28

Still forced to bed. The irritation seems worse. It is all so unjust ! That I, a woman of such normal vigor, should be struck down in this way. I hate the morbid weeping faces of those convinced of my immanent death ! I hate the whispers outside my room access ! What are they hiding from me ? That they are already planning my funeral ? ! The stupid patsy ! I wish they would all leave well enough alone.

sept 29

Oh please God ! If this is too be my fate at least let me be united with my beloved on our appointed day. Please give me that a good deal metre ! Then I can leave this world contented in my legal brief but thoroughgoing happiness. I promise to set a good deterrent example by my passage as did my honey sis if only you will give me that much time.

family line 30

I feel very washy today. What little sense of hope I had has washed away in the slow drizzle that continues to fall out of doors. Somehow I know that the doctor was right, and I shall not be the rare elision who survives this disease. My gown was delivered this daybreak, but it brought little joy to the house, the software sits in the hall unopened. It all seems so pointless. The hebdomad of planning, all for nothing. I do n't even hump why I bother to keep this record that none will profit by.

October 1

My costly Jonathan arrived today, and while the destiny saddened us both, I feel so much better knowing he is here. The sun also returned to brighten my elbow room. I no longer hope for recovery. I can not help but feel the end is close. Yet somehow, today that seems Thomas More a blessed relief than tragic end. My solitary wishing is that I come to my end with grace.

Father assured me that I would be laid beside Clarissa. He also assured me that, even though Jonathan was not technically a member of the category, they consider him as a son already, and that, should he pick out, he could be laid beside me, in God 's own time.

October 2

I had the most wonderfully dream last dark. I was walking in the cemetery, near the family burial vault, and there I met my affectionately sis Clarissa. She was standing by the path, dressed in the beautiful dress in which she was laid to pillow. It was obvious that she was waiting for me because, as I approached, she smiled and greeted me, `` Oh, there you are ! Come, I have something to show you '' She lead me to the vault and the heavy iron threshold simply dissolved before us. I followed her in to where three low stone tables stood. The first gear held a unopen casket, the second held an open coffin lined with beautiful white satin and lace. The third was empty.

'' This is my place '' she said, gesturing to the close up casket. `` Here is yours '', she said, stepping to the empty, open coffin. `` And this is for your honey Jonathan, if he so chooses '' `` Come, Take your eternal sleep '' I stepped up and into the open empty coffin, and lay down. It felt so prophylactic, hush, and peaceful. When I awoke, I was lying on my back, my helping hand folded as if I were laid for burial. I felt more peaceful and refreshed than I have for many days.

October 3

The funeral undertaker came this forenoon. I looked through his book and ***********ed a jewel casket. A rather simple design of white enameled wood, lined with satin. He took some measurements, and we discussed the item of the religious service. I told him that the wedding efflorescence would do for my funeral as well. I told him my wedding nightdress and velum to be used for my burial garments. I do desire Jonathan to see me in my wedding night-robe, even if it is to be as I lie in my casket. We discussed my funeral as calmly as I discussed my wedding a few weeks ago. Only now does that seem strange.

October 4

I feel so washy today, Jonathan has been here with me all day. It is such a comfort to have sex he is close. The priest came today as well. For a while we discussed the servicing, and what would happen to me. He spoke of the ravisher of paradise, and did his well to re-assure me. Still, I know the end is near, and I am so afraid. Oh God, please ... please ... contribute me peace.

***

October 5

Here the diary sketch in another hand

I, Jonathan Douglas, resume this diary, that the events concerning the handing over of my beloved Leona may be recorded for posterity. Yesterday dark she took this from beneath her pillow and pressed it into my hand, saying she could compose no more and the contents might tender me some comfort. After she had gone to sleep, I did read, and found great comfort in her serene acceptance of the disaster which has befallen her.

Today I witnessed the passage, or should I say the glorification, of an holy man, for surely she will be among the fairest of all the honest angels in Heaven. I pray that I do not blaspheme in this belief.

I was with my earnest Leona when she awoke, in much distress. She was hectic and coughing, and seemed very faint, but then about midmorning a strange and beautiful calmness came over her, and she seemed remote as if she was watching something far away. Of all the citizenry in the room, she seemed to be mindful of only me. She lay this way for some time, oblivious to all, even the priest who came to say the close ritual. Then about noonday, she squeezed my hand and smiled,

'' look Jonathan '' she said, `` its Clarissa ! '' `` She 's here for our wedding ! '' `` I knew she would come ''

Then she turned to me and said `` Oh my beloved Jonathan. Now everything is perfect ! ``

With that she closed her eyes and quietly breathed her live on. I stayed long by her slope, loth to let her go.

Oct 7th

The Mortician has done his duty. He took Leona from us, and returned her this morning.

Now she rests in the parlour. My God ! she is beautiful, even in death. She lies there dressed forever in the gown that she should have worn to our wedding party in only three days. She seems so peaceful, so happy, as she lies surrounded by flush, the same albumen efflorescence that were meant for our happy day. Instead they will grace her grave.

Tomorrow we will take her to church, and thence to the hurdle where she will lie for eternity. Her father told me that, there is a place for me there too, should I desire it in time. I feel now that we will be together again soon. For what is a human life in the face of eternity ! This thought gives me cracking peace.

October 11

I pray that this diary may remain hidden for many twelvemonth that what I record now may not fetch plethora upon my family or the family unit of any mentioned here. For I have kept my promise to my beloved Leona.

At crepuscle yesterday, I went to the crypt where she lies at peace. In my company was the graveyard grounds keeper, who for a few discrete dollars, opened the hurdle that I might enter. Also in my company was a priest, fallen from grace with the church for his rage for assorted Sin of the flesh, the extent of which only I know. I swore not to reveal my knowledge providing that he assisted me and never revealed these proceedings. Upon entering the vault I opened the casket holding the earthly remains of my St. Brigid, and once again stood silent, amazed at her dish, as she lay so peaceful and still, in all her wedding ceremony finery. side by side I opened the coffin of her sister which lay beside her, for if my beloved Leona had her wish, Clarissa would have stood beside us at the altar as her maid of honour. Clarissa too, lay as if peacefully asleep, still lovely in her repose, despite the passage of time since she was laid here.

I stood beside my beloved as the priest read the married couple vows, holding her cold, lifeless paw. I pledged to charter her as my married woman, and I answered for her as I knew she would pledge to admit me for her husband. With the words `` with this closed chain I do wed '' I placed the golden dance band on her pale cold digit. And when the non-Christian priest pronounced us man and married woman, I raised the veil from her font and gently kissed her common cold lifeless lips. I then bid the priest depart, and remained alone in the crypt with my beloved. I lifted her from her resting place, and holding her close, we slowly turned about the room. Her lovely whitened dress swept the insensate stones as we danced our wedding ceremony waltz. My own desire steadily grew as I swayed with her body held soaked to mine.

When at last the music in my own foreland came to a ending, I laid her again in her casket, which was her bridal bed. Not an unfitting bed I thought, admiring the graceful white satin and lacing on which she lay. Lifting the veil from her face, I gently kissed her and caressed her brass. I stroked her tit, so firm and cool beneath her satin gown. All the while the warmth for her grew in me until I could abide it no longer. Lifting the skirt of her dress, to expose her femininity, I opened my pants to exhibit my maleness. I climbed into the casket and lay atop my beloved, becoming one with her as we would have on our wedding night. Holding her in my passionate embracement, kissing and caressing her common cold, still face, I gave her the final endowment of our honey, and left her with something of myself to remain with her for the ages. I lay thus with her retentive after my forcible need was quenched, my head resting on her satin covered chest, gently stroking her silky hair. Somehow I sensed that she was at peace, and for a while at least, I shared that peace.

The sunrise sun was penetrating the minor maculate glass window of the bank vault room access when I reluctantly rose and separated myself from my beloved. I arranged her dress neatly about her legs and folded her hands once again at her waist. From the bouquets around the bier I ***********ed a ace perfect white rose and placed it in her hands. I gave her stale lips a final kiss and gently lowered the silky veil over her face. She looked so peaceful, so unagitated, so beautiful. It was with dandy difficulty that I closed the coffin and left her to her Jehovah final rest. The good morning sun shown brightly as I left the hurdle. I was filled with a great gumption of joy that made the day seem all the brighter, for it seemed all around me I sensed the presence of my beloved Leona. I saw her grinning in the dapple sunlight. I heard her laughter in the whispering leaves. I felt her caress in the gentle breeze. Together we walked from the blank space and back to my routine world. Yet I know my life, what ever remains of it, will never be the same, for always I will be remembering her with joy, and longing for our final perfect union

Here ends the diary of Leona Zimmerman Stephen A. Douglas ...