My First Lesbian Experience

It was late. It was raining. And night. And cold.

The auditory sensation of the tribe group wafted down the street from the Flying sawhorse as I nibbled at something that might once have got been a cod before it was cremated and sealed in cardboard flavoured yellow concrete and stuffed in newspaper with slices of raw potato.

I opened the pub door as the north chow premier ( and only ) Lesbian anti Pedophile band Boris and the Pedos sang.
"String the sodomite up"
"String the buggers up"
"There's nix as vile as a pedophile, so string the bugger up !"An consultation of three bark heading and an old old codger who mistook it for dominoes night sat there bored out their skulls.

"All right Johnno ?"Boris the precede Isaac Merrit Singer shouted as her set rested between numbers.

Nearly bald, five five over XX gem, squeezed into extra large blue jean three sizing too small with a leather jacket what had probably been old when the first man war was on she was the form of dike lesbian who got butch lesbians a bad gens.

mind you the way she liked fucking convicted pedos up the ass with a sleigh hammering grip made me question whether she actually was a lesso. She had cracking bass part baritone voice part though, pity she was strengthen deaf.

"Not so bad, how's it going ?"I asked.

"Not so bad,"she said,"Any dearie ?"

"Bit of poetry ?"I suggested,"The gallows corner ?"

"Sit thee down, and stay awhile."
"And take in the solitary pedophile."I started

"As swaying gently in the breeze, he dangles from the gallows tree !"she finished, ah that's poetry.

"You can't bring food in here,"Sandra the barmaid shouted.

"Its from the kebab store, I don't reckon it counts as food,"I moaned.

"Them fucking snatch hates us,"Harley Charlie, the moped riding chief skinhead announced,"They ought to get laid off back where the come from."

"Where fucking Oldham ?"his married person asked.

"Who gives a fuck, lets have a sing song, that old one,"he said drunkenly,"White drop of Dover !"

"We'll chuck Pedos over, the E. B. White Cliffs of Dover, tomorrow just you wait and see."

"We'll get all them bastards and chuck the rest over after,"I suggested,"Then we'll be fucking Pedo free !"

"You got the words Johnno ?"Boris asked.

"No I just fucking made it up, Jesus Christ fucking christ."I replied.

"make a crack record book,"Charlie said, and he stood up,"penury a shit, get the drinks in Nobber."

"Why the screw do I always get to get the drinks in ?"Nobber asked.

"‘ causa your on welfare, no one else got any John Cash ?"I suggested.

"Fucking severe work, welfare, having to remember to fucking limp."Nobber said, but no one gave a fuck.

"What you having Johnno ?"Sandra asked.

"Anal ?"I suggested.

"To toast not later you filthy bastard !"Sandra retorted and Boris flashed me a sinister look, she must have thought she had pulled.

"scum bag piss,"I said.

"You can receive one Stella ‘ causal agency I know what your like after a few pints eh Mr Floppy !"Sandra laughed.

"All fucking right, it was only once."I stammered as me face went brilliantly red,"Ever ready me."

"Fuck anything anything any time ?"St. John Hunt the bookie from Matson street walked out the bog and started taunting me. Hunt the slit as we called him.

"Long as its over 18, and has a twat and a pulse,"I protested.

"Like a cow ?"he laughed.

"Technically they has a vestibule not a cunt,"I said using my Superior understanding gained from watching pointless fucking game shows and similar poop on pointless fucking daylight TV.

"Her then,"he said pointing at Boris.

"Fuck off she's a fucking Lesso."I said supportively.

"50 quid says you can't."He suggested.

"fifty dollar bill quid each ?"Boris asked.

"Two hundred, make it five !"Hunt the Cunt taunted.

"Christ,"Boris said,"I could use a few quid as it happens."

"Oh for fucks sake,"Richard Morris Hunt sighed,"I was taking the piss."

"We heard,"Harley Charlie chuckled,"What you reckon Johnno ?"

"Yeah, why not, I'm up for it."I lied. Jesus it would be halfway to turning fucking gay. Fucking a fat bald geezer even if it did have a twat somewhere under the ugly great faithful of belly skin.

"This I just got to see !"Sandra said. What I didn't know was she texted all her fellow and said to issue forth round and watch.

"So what's your game ?"Nobber asks Hunt the Cunt.

"Just like to see Lesbos sorted out,"he sniggered.

"Wants a parcel of the CCTV right more like,"I sighed knowing half of Saudiafuckingrabia had seen my ass bobbing around on some porn channel streamed from the CCTV as I gave Sandra a component part one night after lock chamber up.

"Lads what do you take me for ?"Hunt asked.

"Money grabbing cunt,"Harley Charlie said nicely.

"Yeah well making money's me hobby ennit ?"Hunt laughed,"Go on. I'll make it a grand each."

"I dunno,"I said,"What you reckon Boris ?"

"If your up for it I am."she said,"I need the cash."

"Getting up for its the problem,"I thought to me self as I tried to shut me eyes and think of England, or actually that view in Nihon smut Farm three where the Jap girl all strip off on the parade solid ground and start doing exercising until the bloke start fucking them.

It was no good, me cock did a adequate imposture of a French S shipment ( Snail ).

"In the back room ?"I suggested.

"Lock the threshold Sandra,"search suggested.

"ass that me mates is coming,"Sandra explained.

"Oh fucking jesus."I thought.

"rightfulness lets do one Sir Thomas More set of can buy me know,"Boris called as she twanged a horrible row from her authentic Chinese Scatocaster Guitar, It might stimulate worked wagerer if she had noticed it was for 120 V not 240 but reading and thinking were not exactly her unassailable points.

"Buy me a Diamond tintinnabulation you cunt and you can sleep with me tonight."
"Stick it up me bum you cunt and I'll stimulate it all seem right.
"case all I want is,"“ Lots of money and Money can buy me love,"
"Can buy me luh-uv,"
she wailed.

Poor old Macker Lennon must have been turning in his pit.

Actually the pub was filling nicely.

Boris was starting another set.

"Tie a fucking pedo round the old oak tree
If he fucking dies its all right hand by me."

"Who writes this shit ?"hunt asked.

I never admitted anything,"Its satire,"I said.

"nookie racialist,"he said shaking his head.

"Across the sea, where all the priest are paedophile, ''
"Celibate means the nooky lot are gay."Boris warbled to what might well have been supposed to be the melody to"Danny Boy."

"Christ sake Johnno she'll be on the racist horseshit succeeding do something !"Sandra hissed in me lug hole as the pub filled with her mates.

I stepped up to the microphone, I got a half decent voice, well it was ok cashbox it broke, sort of split down the middle more like, when me balls dropped."You all know this one,"I shouted and started singing a crapello, that means on me tod.

"The Dew on the hayfield, the mist on the stream.
The river runs down to the sea."

"We gather together to greet the dawn
and England belongs to me."

Boris's fellow crashed in a few random chords on Bass Guitar which was handy because I started far too high

"So bugger the spaniards and sodomize the frogs, and bugger the old EEC
The whole roll in the hay Eurozone can get ingurgitate 'cause England belongs to me."

"Italians are pedopiles so are the Kraut, the polish have all got VD
So lets get and ramp up an atomic bomb and botch up them to buggery."

"And fluff them to Bug, and blow them to Bug,"

"And brag them to bug er ree !"I finished as a solo and then tried to make a run for it.

"Bloody hell that was fucking brilliant !"this pissed up tart with DD tits and blonde hair straight out of a nebulizer can who might sustain passed for 25 on a dark night where you couldn't see the furrow under her eyes cooed as she pressed her nipple against me.

Suddenly S Cargo turned to frankfurter, well more comparable broom grip if I'm honest ‘ cause I wont see twenty again in a rushing like either.

"Ohhh you are a big boy,"she cooed as she cupped me balls through me jeans.

"Its now or never,"I thought as I pulled away from her.

"And now the main event,"I said,"drumfish roll please Karen."

"I'm fucking Elsie you blind twat !"the drummer replied but she started smacking Hell out of the drum skins all same.

"Go for it ?"Boris asked.

I nodded.

She pulled down her skin tight extra declamatory blue jean and the biggest bowl of pink belly fat you ever did see cascaded down completely hiding what looked like a petite twosome of pink panties.

Me elan was fading. ( Posh lingo for me cock was shrinking, fast )

"control stick it anywhere no one will notice !"Boris hissed as I dropped my pants and pushed her against the bar.

Now any sensible fucker would have rubbered up but I didn't have metre, and anyway project A was to shoot up somewhere under a peal of flabby under her belly release but wouldn't you know privy Thomas went straight for the moist spot. I reckon she must have fancied the blonde woman of the street with the DDs same as I had.

The feel of me bare sashay head on a moist pussy back talk is much the same whether its Brianny or Mad Donna or someone what looks like some fuckers grandad and I made the mistake of shutting me eyes.

Next fucking thing I was going for it. Fucking JT was in. Right up, that fucking flab was voiced as fuck and just flowed out the way. She was truly have intercourse. I was truly fucked.

"Oh god."I moaned but I never had the sense to stop.

"No don't that feels too decent, for fucks sake Johnno !"Boris was wailing.

I started going for it, like a fucking terrier against a hessian boot, it felt too fucking near. It was all wrong and then the pressure tone ending alarm went off in me bollocks.

"Ready or not I'm coming !"I shouted and to a bloody big sunniness I shot me load.

"pseudo !"someone cried.

"He fucking didn't he slimed me !"Boris protested and she showed three of her dumpy digit inside her and dragged them out glistening with spunk.

shag applause all round, fucking ten endocarp and a bit doormat and a butch les. It must have looked uproarious, like one of them little male wanderer fucking them huge female black widder spider except I hadn't been ate yet.

"Pay time,"I said as John Hunt tried to sneak away.

"funfair do's you earned it,"he laughed and he flashed a wad of note of hand. I flicked through.

"And the rest,"I said without counting.

He coughed up another ton or so which brought it just over two rarefied which was fair.

"You really would love anything you fucking worm,"Sandra said.

"Fucking pot calling the roll in the hay kettle,"I said,"At least I get a grand not a one-half of lager and a few chips."

"Too chaise,"she said,"Anyway its rubbers for you now, you don't know where that's been."

"roll in the hay morning after anovulant, is the tardy night chemist still open ?"I asked.

"I crumbled two in her vodka and orange tree,"Sandra said,"someone has to look after you."

"I know,"I said,"I am grateful."

"Elsie says if I have IVF and have troika we can get a 3 bedroom council menage straight away,"Sandra said all guiltless like.

"Not that fucking grateful,"I said as Boris decided not to disoblige trying to wedge her belly back in her jean but to stay put the spare mike up her cunt instead as she launched in to song.

"He's got a Pedo's bollocks in his hired hand,
He's got his cock and bollocks in his hand,"and as she sang,
'' He's got a Pedo's ballock in his hand, '' again the the interview joined in with.
"And he'll rip the fuckers off !"

"There ain't no room for Pedo's in this acres,"they continued.

I'd had enough, I felt chuck, that was pretty low fucking a ugly dike Les for money, Ok better than sail roads or collecting tax or walking the streets like a plodding but pretty bloody low.

I opened the doorway. There were half a dozen uniforms sheltering in the porch.

"Oh its you Allthwaite,"the constabulary Sergeant said knowingly,"Off base ?"

"Nah off down the Mosk for Friday Prayers."I corrected him.

"Its Tuesday,"the Sergeant corrected,"This Gentlemen is your existent Negro Muslim Gay lesbian transsexual member of every bloody minority the domicile role has ever heard of and plenty more beside, arrest him at your peril."

My reputation had preceded me"Box ticking,"I agreed.

"Just fuck off."He said.

So I did, and they arrested some bloke who came out his gaff in his nightshirt to complain about the row.

Its a fishy old world.

And that was me first Lesbian experience .