Diary submission Sept 21, 1911

Today was cold and wet. Went out for a walk anyway. The leaves are starting to turn and the damp makes their color all the Sir Thomas More acute. I so care Jonathan was here to walk with me. I walked longer than I should and was quite chilled when I returned. I am never cold when he is with me.

Diary launching Sep 22, 1911

Awoke this morning very tight in my chest. I know it is just a child congestion from too much walking in the rain, but Mother insisted on calling Dr. Jamison. He confirmed my diagnosing, prescribed a day in bed and several doses of a filthy elixir. It was another rainy and cold day so I had small desire to go out in any instance. I used the time to indite a missive to my beloved Jonathan.

***

Mr. Jonathan Little Giant

Hotel Central Room 238

59 East briny Street

Chicago Illinois

Dearest Jonathan :

I am forced to bed today by a trivial congestion. You know how I hate travail. But at least I have clip to spell and that offers a great deal consolation. I count the minutes till you return and we are forever joined. I can not say sufficiency how felicitous it makes me knowing that I will soon be your wife.

Yesterday I went for a base on balls, in spite of the inclement weather. I walked up to the cemetery and placed heyday at the entrance to the syndicate hurdle where my darling sister Clarissa lies. It is such a lovely touch, especially this time of twelvemonth as the leaves cover the grass with their cover of red, sensationalistic and orange. The offset of a great oak banquet over the entrance, sheltering it. It is such a peaceful, contemplative home, I always feel brush up when I come. I think it is because, for a while, whatever pains I feel or problems are before me, they seem to melt to triviality as I contemplate the arrant eternal repose, that Clarissa now knows and that we too will bump in God 's own time. I feel her presence so close as I stand there, beside her resting place. She was always so well-chosen, in spite of the frailty that plagued her since birth. She died two yr ago, on the day that will be our wedding day. I still withdraw how, in her final moments, she took my deal and smiled, whispering `` perhaps, when following we meet, I shall finally vanquish you at badminton ''. Then a unagitated locution came to her facial expression and she quietly drifted away.

Oh, Jonathan, I do so wish well she could be here to share our happy day. Yet I know I will feel her presence, smiling down from heaven, so happy for my happiness. On light national, the house is in a State Department of such aggregate mental confusion you would cerebrate the marriage was tomorrow. female parent is running this way and that, look-alike checking on flowers, food for the reception, accommodations for guests, and on and on. I do like you were here to add a calming influence.

Oh Jonathan, please assure me that you will let null delay your return and that no thing what happens, we will be united on the appointed day.

All my interminable sexual love

Leona

***

Sept. 23

Bright and sunny, some concentration remains, but my mode is as gay as the bright orange and yellowed leaves. Had what should be the final fitting on my scrubs. I ca n't believe that in only three weeks I will wear it down the aisle and suit Mrs. Jonathan Little Giant ! Words can not convey the joy I feel.

Sept 24

Awoke this morning with ugly coughing. It cleared after a spell but the good Doctor ordered me to bed and plied me with Thomas More of his awesome elixir. He seemed quite grave, the old fool. None the less, I am glad that almost everything is ready for the hymeneals, so I can train a few day to rest and convalesce. In only seven sidereal day my love Jack returns from his travel. I count the time of day till he can hold back me in his arms again.

Sept 25

This break of the day was cold and damp, I awoke again with much cough and feeling chilled. It passed by noonday but I remained in bed all day, feeling infirm and tired. The doctor came, and went again. He was as assure as usual, but I noted a mite of concern in his voice. female parent too, seemed a bit anxious after speaking with him. I, however, am so certain that naught will interpose with our happiness, that I discount their concerns. I know it is a trivial ailment and I shall be up and about in no clip. For the stage I shall enjoy the chance to pillow and get by from Mother 's never-ending flurry.

sept 26

Today started much like yesterday, but it was well preceding noon before felt well enough to sit up and take a petty food. The tightness in my chest persists even yet. Initially I was glad of the rest, but now I feel incarcerate. The Doctor came and went, again, after forcing me to take more of his awful medicament. I do so wish this complaint would hand. I feel I have so a lot to do. Heaven forbid that my beloved Jonathan should return from his journey and see me still confined to my bed.

Sept 27

Today I confronted the Doctor about my illness, upon which his foul elixirs seem to stimulate no effect. He tried to annul the inquiry and say it was nothing, but I could tell he was not telling all and I persisted. Finally his face took on a tomb expression. He told me he thought I was a stiff adult female who could face the truth, he proceeded to enjoin me that I was suffering from the same ailment of the heart and lung that claimed my dear Sister. Of track he is a pure mug ! How could he think such a thing !

Sept 28

Still forced to bed. The discomfort seems worsened. It is all so unjust ! That I, a char of such normal energy, should be struck down in this way. I hate the morbid weeping faces of those convinced of my immanent expiry ! I hate the whispers outside my door ! What are they hiding from me ? That they are already planning my funeral ? ! The stupid sap ! I wish they would all leave well enough alone.

Sept 29

Oh please God ! If this is too be my portion at least let me be united with my beloved on our appointed day. Please give me that a lot sentence ! Then I can leave this world contented in my brief but everlasting happiness. I promise to set a good deterrent example by my passage as did my beloved Sister if only you will give me that a lot time.

Sept 30

I feel very weak today. What fiddling sense of Hope I had has washed away in the slow drizzle that continues to accrue out of doors. Somehow I know that the doc was right, and I shall not be the rarefied exception who survives this disease. My nightgown was delivered this aurora, but it brought niggling joy to the home, the package sits in the Hall unopened. It all seems so unpointed. The weeks of planning, all for nothing. I do n't even get laid why I bother to continue this record that none will gain by.

Oct 1

My dearest Jonathan arrived today, and while the condition saddened us both, I feel so often better knowing he is here. The sun also returned to brighten my room. I no longer hope for recovery. I can not help but experience the end is close. Yet somehow, today that seems more than a Blessed ministration than tragic end. My only when indirect request is that I come to my end with grace.

Father-God assured me that I would be laid beside Clarissa. He also assured me that, even though Jonathan was not technically a fellow member of the phratry, they consider him as a son already, and that, should he choose, he could be laid beside me, in God 's own time.

October 2

I had the most wondrous dream last night. I was walking in the cemetery, near the family vault, and there I met my dear baby Clarissa. She was standing by the way, dressed in the beautiful dress in which she was laid to stay. It was obvious that she was waiting for me because, as I approached, she smiled and greeted me, `` Oh, there you are ! Come, I have something to demo you '' She lead me to the hurdle and the profound iron door simply dissolved before us. I followed her in to where three low stone tabular array stood. The number 1 held a closed coffin, the second held an open coffin lined with beautiful white satin and lace. The third was empty.

'' This is my station '' she said, gesturing to the closed coffin. `` Here is yours '', she said, stepping to the empty, open casket. `` And this is for your love Jonathan, if he so chooses '' `` ejaculate, return your respite '' I stepped up and into the open up empty coffin, and lay down. It felt so safe, repose, and peaceful. When I awoke, I was lying on my back, my men folded as if I were laid for entombment. I felt more peaceful and refreshed than I have for many days.

Oct 3

The funeral undertaker came this morning. I looked through his book and ***********ed a casket. A rather simple design of white enameled Grant Wood, lined with satin. He took some measurements, and we discussed the details of the service. I told him that the wedding flowers would do for my funeral as well. I told him my wedding gown and veil to be used for my burial garments. I do want Jonathan to see me in my wedding gown, even if it is to be as I lie in my coffin. We discussed my funeral as calmly as I discussed my wedding a few calendar week ago. Only now does that look strange.

Oct 4

I feel so frail today, Jonathan has been here with me all day. It is such a comfort to know he is close. The non-Christian priest came today as well. For a patch we discussed the Robert William Service, and what would happen to me. He spoke of the smasher of heaven, and did his best to re-assure me. Still, I know the end is near, and I am so afraid. Oh God, please ... please ... pass me peace.

***

October 5

Here the diary resumes in another hand

I, Jonathan Stephen A. Douglas, summarise this diary, that the events concerning the handing over of my darling Leona may be recorded for posterity. Yesterday Night she took this from beneath her pillow and pressed it into my hand, saying she could write no more and the contents might offer me some comforter. After she had gone to catch some Z's, I did record, and found groovy comfortableness in her calm down acceptance of the calamity which has befallen her.

Today I witnessed the passage, or should I say the glorification, of an saint, for surely she will be among the fairest of all the fair holy man in Shangri-la. I pray that I do not curse in this belief.

I was with my dearly Leona when she awoke, in much distress. She was feverish and coughing, and seemed very faint, but then about midmorning a unknown and beautiful equanimity came over her, and she seemed removed as if she was watching something far away. Of all the people in the room, she seemed to be aware of only me. She lay this way for some time, oblivious to all, even the priest who came to say the last religious rite. Then about high noon, she squeezed my hand and smiled,

'' Look Jonathan '' she said, `` its Clarissa ! '' `` She 's here for our wedding ! '' `` I knew she would number ''

Then she turned to me and said `` Oh my beloved Jonathan. Now everything is perfect ! ``

With that she closed her oculus and quietly breathed her last. I stayed long by her side, loth to let her go.

October 7th

The undertaker has done his duty. He took Leona from us, and returned her this morning.

Now she rests in the living room. My God ! she is beautiful, even in end. She lies there dressed forever in the gown that she should ingest worn to our wedding party in only three sidereal day. She seems so peaceful, so happy, as she lies surrounded by flowers, the same white heyday that were meant for our felicitous day. Instead they will grace her grave.

Tomorrow we will take her to church, and thence to the vault where she will lie for infinity. Her Father-God told me that, there is a lieu for me there too, should I desire it in prison term. I feel now that we will be together again soon. For what is a human lifetime in the cheek of eternity ! This thought gives me big peace.

Oct 11

I pray that this diary may remain hide out for many class that what I record now may not bring embarrassment upon my family or the families of any mentioned here. For I have kept my promise to my beloved Leona.

At twilight yesterday, I went to the crypt where she lies at peace. In my fellowship was the cemetery grounds steward, who for a few distinct dollars, opened the hurdle that I might record. Also in my company was a priest, fallen from grace with the church service for his passion for versatile sinning of the flesh, the extent of which only I know. I swore not to reveal my knowledge providing that he assisted me and never revealed these transactions. Upon entering the bank vault I opened the coffin holding the earthly remains of my bride, and once again stood silent, amazed at her beauty, as she lay so peaceful and still, in all her wedding finery. Next I opened the casket of her sis which lay beside her, for if my beloved Leona had her compliments, Clarissa would have stood beside us at the communion table as her maid of honor. Clarissa too, lay as if peacefully asleep, still lovely in her repose, despite the passage of fourth dimension since she was laid here.

I stood beside my beloved as the priest read the union vows, holding her cold, lifeless hand. I pledged to take her as my wife, and I answered for her as I knew she would pledge to admit me for her husband. With the quarrel `` with this ring I do wed '' I placed the golden dance orchestra on her pale dusty finger. And when the priest pronounced us man and wife, I raised the veil from her face and gently kissed her cold lifeless back talk. I then bid the non-Christian priest depart, and remained alone in the crypt with my beloved. I lifted her from her resting space, and holding her conclusion, we slowly turned about the room. Her lovely Patrick White dress swept the insensate Harlan Stone as we danced our wedding waltz. My own desire steadily grew as I swayed with her body held tight to mine.

When at finis the medicine in my own head came to a close, I laid her again in her casket, which was her bridal bed. Not an unfitting bed I thought, admiring the refined Edward D. White satin and lacing on which she lay. Lifting the veil from her face, I gently kissed her and caressed her face. I stroked her white meat, so immobile and cool beneath her satin gown. All the while the passion for her grew in me until I could stomach it no longer. Lifting the doll of her dress, to bring out her muliebrity, I opened my pants to expose my maleness. I climbed into the jewel casket and lay atop my beloved, becoming one with her as we would have on our wedding night. Holding her in my passionate embrace, kissing and caressing her low temperature, still face, I gave her the final gift of our lovemaking, and left her with something of myself to remain with her for the long time. I lay thus with her long after my physical motivation was satisfied, my principal resting on her satin covered breast, gently stroking her silky hair. Somehow I sensed that she was at peace, and for a patch at to the lowest degree, I shared that peace.

The dawning sun was penetrating the small stained glass window of the vault door when I reluctantly rose and separated myself from my beloved. I arranged her wearing apparel neatly about her legs and folded her mitt once again at her waist. From the bouquets around the bier I ***********ed a single thoroughgoing Elwyn Brooks White rose and placed it in her hands. I gave her cold lips a concluding buss and gently lowered the silky velum over her face. She looked so peaceful, so serene, so beautiful. It was with great difficulty that I closed the casket and left her to her divine final exam residuum. The morning sun shown brightly as I left the vault. I was filled with a great sentiency of joy that made the day seem all the brighter, for it seemed all around me I sensed the comportment of my love Leona. I saw her smiling in the dappled sun. I heard her laughter in the rustling leaves. I felt her caress in the gentle breeze. Together we walked from the place and back to my everyday world. Yet I know my life story, what ever remains of it, will never be the Saame, for always I will be remembering her with joy, and longing for our net perfect union

Here ends the journal of Leona Zimmerman Little Giant ...