missive to a beloved. We all have had somebody in our animation that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our aliveness, others, like me, have lost them.
To my dearest sweetheart,

well, it 's been three year since the finis fourth dimension I saw you. Three years since I 've heard your laugh. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the farsighted and most scurvy years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, verbalise to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and trust you can take heed me. Every time I close my eyes, I see your smiling boldness. There are fourth dimension I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two times since you left. It 's just not the same without you to pick on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four Wheeler either, I kinda miss my tightly fitting little passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three years, I 've more or less kind of existed. sure enough, I 've tried to displace on, line up a new human relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. Distance, time, personallity conflict, all have been agent in why zippo works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my oral sex, or my fondness. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and healthy animation, and every sentence he closes his eyes, he sees you, to remind him of the hell that he 's caused. '' Trust me sweetheart, I do.

I 'm not trusted whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do know deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to spite, or negligence you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my nonstarter on a daily, ground, and for hurting you, I 'm truly drear.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many mode. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reason behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reason was the fact that I truly did love you completely, but, could n't prove it to you in the right-hand ways, our circumstances prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get worse, but, Sir Thomas More scared that you would actually reject my making love, which would trounce what little liveliness I had. There was also a social aspect looker, the honey I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at least toward you people would frown. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and admit you as we walked through the shopping centre or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't happen. I would feature been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a confessedly deep love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing affair now, that I missed then. The little affair, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your center seemed to fall up. The clock time that you 'd desire to spend clock time just the two of us. The random squeeze, the casual `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signal you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too recent to shift any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to aby for the pain I caused. It 's my incumbrance, and some daytime, I truly do battle with it. The words are just word, i can say `` I 'm sorry '' a billion times a day, and it would n't make up any difference. No amount of `` I 'm distressing '' can work you back, or take away the pain in the neck that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm dark '' that really issue, is the one deep inside of my bosom, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm excommunicate to survive the life story that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My spirit will never be unhurt again. I will bear on to exist, probably for a very long meter, but, I 'll never feel as truly happy as I did. Three long years, is just the showtime steps into the life that I will conduce. That liveliness started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moments of bliss, and felicity scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very distressing my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure as shooting that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm happy, and proud to have shared in your life-time for as farsighted as I had, I just wish that I could sustain done better.
We ca n't shift our past, only hope that our past tense does n't destroy our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may take in seen it as a different eccentric of love, I 'm drear for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to defend on to your memory. I love you, and have loved you for a very long time, I just like I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris