maitre d'hotel Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain St. Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from fucking Yorkshire and I do n't give a bugger what you bloody think because I bloody mouth as I bloody find.

We had a bally bad trip back from America on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me plaque were safe and went to see flaming agentive role first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishing to rival. broker were a slimy bastard with slicked down hair's-breadth and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood flaming desk about the size of a damn cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"good day Captain, I am delighted to gather you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass instrument,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody intellect,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant administration,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short haired Gorilla gorilla in a mordant apparel with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody unlearned Lanky sodomist ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever gripe eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped polish up bank and paid it in straightaway. Daft bastard on counter near fainted at size of bank check but I drew out a fair few chaw and went about me business.

15 bloody Clarence Day voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in banking company and could come home instead of scratting round down South America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour victor what were a Ilex paraguariensis of mine, we had a Old World chat for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a nice plump bracing Brown University one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slave in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in XXX three and anyroad nob got fed up wi novelty an let nearly of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I find a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be blinking favorable to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk whore sign of the zodiac or hook up with a nob. Marrying a nob seemed proficient idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner carte exterior. and it were just after noon so I thought I would take in a collation to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make principal or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask server. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon time was luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager fall up to me and asked me patronage,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be virginal mind."

He got wrong end of stick and suggested a couple of woman of the street planetary house.

"Nay I want a fair sex for keeps see, If I pay out a sightly bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an plus see, not go along forking out for working girl boulder clay I gets bloody clap and me cock decomposition off."

"You can't restrain slaves anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity knock,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his back to us over there's got more daughter than you can shake a pin at, why not make him an crack ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a shaving of Fish and cliff o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody church building mouse.

"That's W. C. Handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a twosome of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's damn decorum,"I says,"I ent no house cougar I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me flaming mind."

His poncy nob checkmate was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar mark, long as she's virgin, two legs, two subdivision, couple of bloody titty, own teeth, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a rectify fancy man says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody batting order,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody board sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my star sign directly and conform to my girl ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to look too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a Roman mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lick of paint and the Butler's jacket crown had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servant quarters,"bloody sarky Samuel Butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Guest, Mr '' the gent explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody brain. Know thee's bloody berth or thee'll feel me bloody belt hybridizing thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an worthless squawk,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay mesen to poke thee."

"This is my married woman Captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No crime like,"I says as she belts me round out the chops, we her delicacy hand and one-half inch long finger nails."Feisty part ent she ?"

"master Beckinthwaite wishes to court one of our daughters dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Jehovah McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my dead consistence,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all ally here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly white,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe risky venture in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"storm, tempest, bloody course water pump bloody mandril bloody secretor bloody blew and I haven't had a blinking roll in the hay in weeks."

"Capain please,"ma'am Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut wide on't it, bloody merchant vessels lark."I said,"administration is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, high bloody metre to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to court my daughters ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more blinking like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody Lordship'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit blinking nail on't bloody chief, I also reckoned Creator Mc were in on't as well.

ma'am Mc knew when to keep stum so she showed us into parlour."young woman,"she says,"Come and meet Captain er, what is your gens ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first miss were knockout, blonde hair on her shoulders, depressed eye, foursquare rigged dress showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaiden, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second base firstborn,"gentlewoman Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody rich and in pauperization of a bloody shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody judgement and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my nous too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another visual modality of loveliness followed into the elbow room,"Victoria,"peeress Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a crashing katzenjammer. Wi her short fuzz and scowling face if it had n't been for her tit you 'd suffer thought she were a bloody bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your blinking stakes were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"noblewoman Mc asked.

"Couldn't William Tell if it were a bally feller or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boy, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an albatross nuzzle in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody wooer are a bit thin on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no involvement in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody ready, sound fortune her were a bloody virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody expression looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody virgin I ‘ ll screw thee and and wed thee and I can't say bonnie than that."

"captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"quintuplet hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to take her off thi bloody paw and put a ring on her bloody fingerbreadth, take it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"madam Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody married woman lass, not just a bloody tart to shag, individual to look after me all-fired house, cook, clean look after crashing child, that variety o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a damn shag, you wo n't do advantageously than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"goodness,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer captain is no, never."She stormed away in a flaming strop.

"Feisty patch ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

noble Mc's centre bulged as I showed a air pocket full of gold.

"Take a glass of vino Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the early daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her tranquilize down a moment,"lord Mc suggested,"I have a Nice Madeira River wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to overwhelm a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and form Francis out.

I heard a din,"Get off me !"I heard the miss protest,"plosive consonant it, block off it mother I would rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody price, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stair me hobnail boot clattering on fresh polished oak flooring, till I got to her bed room.

The female parent were there with two bedchamber maiden and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her apparel off and looked like she been whacked across case with a stagnant haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corset and knee length stockings, no knickers or nix but showing her private and gracious creamy second joint.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her wooden leg wide of the mark,"Take a look Captain,"gentlewoman Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody yob, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of Light off me sticker blade soon changed her bloody melodic line,"leave-taking them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me chieftain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the threshold shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to force a bloody wench to roll in the hay me in me flaming life."

She sat on the sharpness of the bed and covered her crotch as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her manus away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't Greek fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me digit gently up her thigh and then I started to percentage her cunt lips with me fingers. It weren't the offset fourth dimension. Her pussy was well used.

"looking like you been all-fired shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody lad I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody candela then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sister doing a sentence or two ?"

"How did you bonk ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews fall,"Lets predict it our little bloody secret shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me finger were no flaming strangers to a wench's bitch and wi me thumb on her little nub her mamilla were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to barricade now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me tool at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her teat and on down to her mound. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh till I got me tongue in the rut between her rim down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her pussy was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee flaming take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody mizzenmast mast in me hand.

Her eyes were like dish aerial, she said nowt but grasped me thickening and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody pussy like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were fucking heaven. Right in till me balls were banging on her fork,"What the bloody hell size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody fucked ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple standard candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the flaming fuck. Once I shot me bloody freight in thee its for bloody life like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me bloody shipment over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty wop,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly maitre d'hotel, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not keep yourself and I believe you have a kind warmness under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a dose of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me formal was bloody crinkling and me cock was bloody pounding and suddenly it were too lately for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a dry pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant police chief,"she chuckled,"Next clip perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a barbarian boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me bloody cock severely I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suckle my mammilla if it helps to turn on you."And with that she pulled her tits right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly thorax against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite word,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your clapper in their gob, so me stopcock reared and before I knew it we was all-fired fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an time of day or so before we went back downstairs. Almighty and madam Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're consonant like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, praise,"Lord Mc chortled,"Let us take the appointment announced in Lancashire evening post.

"Bugger that I'm a bloody sea chieftain, '' I explained,"We can nip down bally harbour and I can do bloody marriage ceremony, no fucking want to neutralize bloody brass instrument on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in Christian church so we're getting wed official like, and do you have it away after we fucked a time or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the lights behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody superstar and no fault, even if she do come from all-fired Lancashire .