Hannah.

'' Ah master Pinkerton ? '' an emboldened mature peeress around my mother 's age accosted me as I lounged amiably enough with my cronies at the Misses Fotheringay 's ball at Southam Courtenay, `` Have you met my daughter Molly ? ``

I looked past the matron and there through the fug of tipsiness I believed I beheld an angel, a great sight in gleaming virginal Caucasian, and at second glimpse an improbably plump one, `` No, I have n't had the pleasure, '' I agreed uncertainly for the angelic Mull-berry wine had had its consequence on me.

'' I should hope not ! '' Algy declared, `` For she may sustain two legs, two limb, two bosoms and two eye, though remarkably dis standardised, but two Chin Johnno, well you must pull in a line of work somewhere ! ``

'' Ah, '' I agreed with a contented belching, `` Indeed. ``

poor molly turned and fled as fast as her considerable bulk would allow.

'' You sir are an detestation ! '' the female parent averred.

'' Fattening her up for Christmastime, '' Bobby Fawkes chipped in, `` I like a plump chick at Christmas ! ``

'' I 'd like to sit down, '' I suggested as I regretted mixing French and English wine-colored so early in the evening.

'' You slight me sir ! '' the matron avowed.

'' William Tell me, '' I asked, `` You have but one chin, a lose weight weasel like face, a nail down waist, thin spindly branch beneath that gown I 'll wager, so how did you bear a baby elephant for a daughter ? '' It was said by way of an good search for the truth.

'' I shall not remain to be insulted ! '' the matron replied.

'' Oh, shall you go elsewhere ? '' Bobby enquired.

'' Oh it was no insult Madam, '' Algy insisted, `` No Johnno seeks to bed you. ``

She half smiled, `` Indeed, then I shall inform my husband, Jehovah Garth. ``

'' That great oaf, '' Samuel Verney added, `` I should quake in my boot if it were me. ``

'' Madam, '' I added, `` I have no great desire to make love to you, '' I insisted, `` Though I should certainly choose you in my bed to that great ox of a daughter, for she would surely discover the bed skeleton ! '' It seemed fishy at the metre, you understand but the next thing Algy had to step forward to give up the matron striking me.

I can not recall much of the evening after that, but in the voluminousness of sentence I awoke in a bed in the Red social lion Inn in Southam Whiston with the sun eminent in the twelve noon day sky and the pipe and drum stripe of the Caithsby militia playing inside my skill.

'' Oh my head, '' I croaked.

'' So you are not suddenly ? '' an unfriendly female person vocalism boomed around inside my skull.

'' No dame. '' I agreed, `` Though if I spent the night with you I wish I were. ``

'' Indeed, '' she boomed,

'' Can you please keep the noise down. '' I asked, `` My headway is bursting ! ``

'' You insulted my girl Molly, '' she insisted.

'' Oh god, Mrs Garth, '' I groaned.

'' Lady Garth, '' she corrected me, `` What do you destine to do about it ? '' she demanded.

'' Absolutely cypher madam, for she is fat as a pig, '' I explained, `` I own I 'd rather kiss a pig than mollie, on account of the lesser number of chins they display. ``

'' Very well then, '' she said and began to call, `` Unhand me you drunken oaf, '' and with theatrical performance flair she tore at her bodice and through its fine quaity and exquisite acerate leaf body of work she dislodged but one unfrequented button where she sought to queer her bosoms to kick view.

'' Maker Pinkerton I am a married cleaning lady ! '' she protested and right on cue my threshold opened and there were Molly and the Inn keeper 's amah as witness and Maker Garth himself, a frail creature of apparently octogenarian vintage though in Truth he was but sixty such it was said was the rapacity of Lady Garth 's nighttime fourth dimension demands that he had aged twenty years in the inaugural six months of marriage.

'' Hold hard untried Pinkerton, why are you dallying with the mem sahib ? '' he asked.

'' No estimation sir, '' I explained, `` Your daughter is fat as a pig sir, '' I said inelegantly, `` noblewoman Garth came to remonstrate.

'' Carry on then, '' he said from the doorway.

'' dad Lord Pinkerton has shown entire disrespect for myself and our home, '' Molly cried.

'' But you are as fat as a pig beloved, '' Lord Garth admitted and nodding towards his wife he continued, `` And determine that one for she 'll eat you awake sir, '' he added as an after thought.

'' But my honour, challenge him Lee Harvey Oswald, '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Challenge, why he would win hands down, '' Maker Garth averred, `` No you challenge him if you see fit, I am taking a walking around the parkland, good day. ``

madam Garth stared in disbelief, `` He, '' she started to say.

'' Is a very wise man, Lady Garth, '' I added, `` May I wish you good day ? ''

'' No indeed you may not ! '' gentlewoman Garth insisted, `` Not until this matter is settled. ``

I groaned, my head was far from cleared yet, `` Then allow me some privacy that I may crop, ''
I asked reasonably enough.

'' No, I shall stay, '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Then so be it, '' I suggested and I pulled my night shirt clean over my head to stand bare, sadly unaware that my buddy had writ `` Pinkertons Prong a shilling an hour, '' across my belly in lamp black in the deepness of the night.

'' Oh ! '' Lady Garth cried in surprise, `` Its vast ! ``

'' Oh, its huge ! '' cried Molly in alarm,

'' Oohh, its huge, '' the maid said admiringly as sensing the perfume of a woman my prong raised himself to his full-of-the-moon eight inches and to a greater extent of extension.

'' Put it away sir you will frighten the horse, '' God Almighty Garth said as he returned to assay the cause of the disruption, `` Or else do someone an injury. ``

'' Ooohh yes what an wound, '' the maid simpered.

'' Damn it where 's me knickers, '' I cursed as my dark shirt descended to clothe itself around the root of my prong leaving him straining still.

'' Marigold, stop staring, '' Lord Garth councelled, `` Wife come away ! '' he repeated.

'' Mummy did he do it ? '' a fresh voice asked.

I looked an another maid had appeared, dressed in a simple Patrick White shift, her face like the mother perhaps yet twenty dollar bill days her Junior, blue eyed and blond of hair, svelte where the sister was porcine, well proportioned where the sister was porcine, funfair of face where the baby was distinctly porcine, and she regaled my prong with a steely gaze as her hair flowed untamed around her shoulders.

'' Look away girl ! '' Lord Garth cried, but to no avail and though I knew it not at once the maid was smitten.

'' Uh, it 's huge ! '' she said, `` poor people mummy ! ``

'' Hannah ! '' noblewoman Garth cried, `` wait away, pattern men are not so well endowed, so revere not. ``

'' Earl Marchington ? '' Hannah asked.

'' How should I know, probably not, '' Lady Garth blushed, `` My Hannah is betrothed to Earl Marchington. ``

'' What old Freddie ! '' I asked.

'' No the old duffer, '' Hannah admitted, `` Freddie 's pappa, '' she continued, `` He is ample, we are not. ``

'' Your daughter is most frontward sir, '' I suggested as I tried to cut through my prong even as the throng pushed into my room as more joined to investigate the commotion.

'' I 'd be wed by now if only mollie would get herself betrothed, '' Hannah argued.

'' Oh I see ! '' the fog cleared, slowly, `` And I have the lonesome prong long enough to dawn the voluptuous heap of flesh that protect mollie 's ah, honour ? ``

'' Yes in a nut carapace. '' Lord Garth suggested.

'' Just get out all of you ! '' I demanded.

'' Then I demand one hundred guineas of I shall report that you abused me carnally in the Nox ! '' Lady Garth said triumphantly.

'' Did I ? '' I queried, `` How ? ``

'' Oh what a question ! '' she snorted.

'' Indeed, '' Lord Garth confessed, `` There are an hundred and more that will certify to waking up with my gentlewoman Garth. ``

'' silence you imbecile, '' Lady Gath replied, `` You make me sound like a harlot ! ``

I looked around, there were seven crowded into the tiny room, the box bed and Mrs. Humphrey Ward gown encroached further and there was still no foretoken of my breeches, nor undergarments.

'' And where exactly do you reckon we conjoined ? '' I asked. `` On the floor ? '' I spread my arms wide indicating there was an insufficiency of space, `` Or in the box bed ? '' I enquired.

'' On the bed of course ! '' the mother insisted.

'' And where should your bedspread legs go ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, indeed, '' Lord Garth agreed, `` The incline of the box bed would impinge most painfully. ``

'' With Mummy on top then, '' Hannah declared.

'' Really, '' I enquired and I lay back on the bed and showed just how tightly the sides fitted me, `` And where would her articulatio genus go. ? ``

There was a whisper of linen, a white holy man appeared and leapt upon the bed like a playful gun dog, `` Like so ! '' Hannah insisted, and she planted a knee each side of my hip bones.

'' Your mother is neither lithesome nor quick as you ! '' I declared.

'' But it is possible, '' Hannah insisted.

'' Hannah get down this instant ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` You are betrothed ! ``

But it was all too deep for she began to subside down, as as she did she pulled her shift and mine so that no one saw my prong slide up the front of her stomach and all believed I had pronged her.

'' Hannah ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` Get off him this instant

'' Stupid girl ! '' Lord Garth added.

'' She must own a emptiness like a cow if she could take that without a whimper, '' the housemaid observed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Had I impaled her the whole world would own heard. ``

'' I stifled my sidesplitter, '' Hannah suggested as she bounced ineffectually upon my loins.

'' You could n't possibly, '' I said, `` I won best prong three price running at school ! ``

'' Yes I could ! '' she insisted.

'' Liar ! '' I replied.

'' Yes I could ! '' she challenged again, and in one ill advised movement I raised her up and as she fell I guided my prong towards her hymen, it parted with a scream that sent crows scattering a stat mi hence, `` Aggghhhhhh ! '' she cried, `` Desist I beg of you or I shall never take the air again ! ``

'' The painfulness will conk soon enough, '' I suggested.

'' I can not bear it, '' she said and the tears flowed.

'' Just stay still, '' I suggested as I sobered very quickly, `` Perhaps your pureness is entire ? '' I asked hopefully.

'' With half your prong inside her I think not ! '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Half ! '' Hannah cried and as she stilled she found herself sinking agonisingly ever further onto my prong, providing me with such exquisite joy that I could hold myself no foster and I lay back eyes closed to savor the moment of expulsion.

'' Oh no, do n't you dare ! '' gentlewoman Garth exclaimed but suddenly my pubic region were pumping and a quart and to a greater extent of my stickiness surged Forth within poor people Hannah.

'' Ohhhh, '' she gasped, `` Mummy ! ``

'' He 's claimed you you idiot ! '' dame Garth cried, `` semen away, quickly, you saw nothing nothing do you hear ! '' she insisted.

'' Oh, '' Hannah exclaimed when the door finally shut.

'' Oh indeed, '' I agreed.

'' I am, '' Hannah said quietly, `` Undone, ''

'' No matter, '' I suggested, `` Get old Marchington drunk and he 'll never be any the wiser. ``

'' Was that only three parts in ? '' she asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` But climb off before I stiffen again. ``

'' Perhaps, '' she said, `` I do n't desire to, for when shall I ever go through a pillage winning prong again ? ``

'' You Minx ! '' I cried, `` You Jezebel, '' but my prong was resurgent and spear upward into her well lubricated viscera with the cracking of repose.

'' Ohhh, '' she gasped at the renewed violation, `` It 's immense ! ``

'' Is it too much ? '' I asked.

'' Perhaps ? '' she said, `` Perhaps not. ``

'' It 's not all the way in, '' I explained

'' Really ! '' she queried, `` It feels like it is, and to a greater extent ! ``

'' No, it 's, the family nemesis, '' I explained, `` Few fair sex can deal the unit of a Pinkerton prong, those that can are whores, '' I added, `` I am cursed never to find the perfect woman who can involve my entire length. ``

'' Then I am greatly relieved, '' she said and went to call forth herself up but in doing so she slipped and slid down my prong even more, `` Nooooo, '' she wailed but to no burden for she was so damp she slid right down to the very root of my prong, `` Like that ? '' she asked.

'' Oh gosh yes, oh girl Garth, I am enraptured.

'' I am impaled, I fear the painful sensation will never subside, '' she protested.

'' Bear it stoically for indeed it will go across and for myself, '' I admitted, `` I am in make out ecstasy and in a second I shall soothe your inner most voice. ``

'' No you must not, '' she protested, but my cream was already boiling forth from my loins, `` delight I pray, '' she continued, `` No, oh Maker no, '' and a great torrent gushed from me and I saw holy person and the unhurt heavenly legion applause and shouting and Hannah 's boldness had not the appearance of someone in hurting, oh no far from it, she was as enraptured as I.

'' I fear I shall never walk properly again, '' she observed, `` You have ruined me utterly, '' she protested, `` No man shall want me now. ``

'' And you have shown even a slender adult female might guide my length and girth and fetch me to the heights of ecstasy, '' I explained, `` Will you be my fancy woman ? ``

'' Yes ! '' she agreed, as finally she climbed rid of me, `` When I marry the duke I shall visit you regularly. ``

'' Every Night ? '' I asked.

'' Oh no, I must spend the nights with my husband, '' she declared, as she tried to stem the torrent of my cum busily escaping her.

'' In that case marry me ! '' I challenged.

'' I thank you for the variety offer but, '' she paused, `` I can not think of a unity reason to decline, except we do not screw one another or like one another or. ``

'' But we do fornicate amiably enough, '' I interjected.

'' And you will live a life story of somberness ? '' she asked.

'' No, absolutely not ! '' I protested.

'' And check chasing whores ? '' she suggested.

'' Only when you are indisposed, '' I agreed.

'' And will bed me ? '' she asked.

'' I can try, '' I agreed.

'' And you will lie and say I am beautiful, '' she asked.

I looked at her, `` There is no need for me to lie, you are beautiful, '' I told her.

'' Then so be it ! '' she agreed, `` I do n't require to marry a duke anyway, he smells. '' she confided and after a worthy period she slipped from my room.

I found my clothes at distance and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would take into account and stake Forth River, my protagonist had already been apprised of my espousal by my mean fille Hannah and I sat down to my meal to answer their taunts.

'' Pinkerton, what meal is this, a previous break-fast or an early lunch ? '' some wag asked,

'' I call it Brunch, '' I said, `` And later I shall drive High Teadinner. ``

'' Do n't be an half-wit ! '' Bobby Fawkes chided, `` Brunch, what a ridiculous notion, but why Pinkers ? '' he asked.

'' She took me clump deep, '' I said, `` Imagine, such a waife like countenance yet within there is a cleft of eight in and more ! ``

'' Oh ? '' Algy enquired, `` And your agency of discovery ? ``

'' I pronged her of course ! '' I declared.

'' Oh ? '' Bobby declared, `` dart it that 's a tad unsporting what with the duke having his heart set. ``

'' Ah well, '' I said, `` When it comes to estate of the realm they will always be trumped by the prong. ``

'' Easy for you to say Pinkers, '' Sam Verney chipped in, `` But what about those of us with human size prongs not the bollocks of a award dogshit. ''

'' fountainhead that 's hardly my problem is it ? '' I informed them and I tucked into my brunch while wondering if sheepman pie, fried testicle, Roger Bacon and tomato was an entirely sassy choice for my meal.

The high noon came and with it my departure from the Southam Courtenay and its environs and for my income tax return home, the more enobled having stayed with the misfire Fotheringay at Sutton Courtenay court of justice or the lodging house in the grounds and it was from there that a very tempestuous Earl Marchington descended to rebuke me.

'' Pinkerton, where is Pinkerton, '' he demanded his piggy little eyes bulging through immensely thick eyeglasses framed in the thickest frames I ever regaled as he bent his head up to comensate for his arched back and squatty midst legs and a belly witness to seventy class and more of crapulence and eating to excess.

'' Here sir ! '' Algy announced even as I tried to err away the binding way.

'' Pinkerton you cad ! '' he cried, `` seminal fluid Forth that I might have satisfaction ! ``

'' Sir ? '' I said as I had to return to the dining room to face him.

'' You abused my betrothed ! '' he accused, `` I demand gratification ! ``

'' Bessie the landlords girl is very accommodating, '' Bobby Guy Fawkes suggested.

'' Satisfaction sir ! '' he said, `` A affaire d'honneur ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I enquired, `` Why ? ``

'' You ravished my wench ! '' he insisted, `` Choose your arm ! ``

'' Prongs at cockcrow ! '' Algy suggested.

'' You insult me sir, '' the Earl railed. `` I did not come here to be treated with insults ! ``

'' Oh, so precisely where do you go ? '' Algy enquired.

'' Prongs it is then sir, '' I said, `` We shall select two tart as like as alike as we may and the one that cries out loudest is the winner. ``

'' I meant the longest, '' Algy muttered.

'' You sir are depraved, '' the Earl muttered, `` Is the Landlord 's daughter abroad ? '' he asked, `` For do you bed I feel stirrings. ``

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Though she is as ugly as a pig with a sweetness to match, ''

'' Ah, then this is she ! '' he agreed as he espied a well padded young woman waddling towards us, `` Might I trouble you for a coquetry ? '' he asked his addled genius mistaking the woman for the Landlord 's daughter.

'' A dalliance ? '' she demanded, `` A dalliance ! '' for far from the Landlord 's daughter it was indeed Molly Garth, Hannah 's sister that had come to see me.

'' You mock me ! '' the Earl demanded, `` You think I am incapable ! ''
I nearly burst my sides with the drive of stifling my laugh

'' No sir, no but a flirting ? '' she said.

'' trifling, pronging, criminal conversation, yell it what you will, '' he demanded, `` I have stirrings and I demand satisfaction ! ``

'' Damn it girl, my Lord Earl Marchington has needs, '' I insisted, as I almost shook with laugh, `` Disrobe now I say ! ``
'' Earl ? '' she queried, `` Earl Marchington ! ``

'' Indeed, quickly girl, '' he declared, `` I have stirrings ! ``

Fat ugly and slow moving as she was molly was not entirely unintelligent, `` Oh then let me solace you, '' she lisped, and looked to me for assistance.

'' Disrobe, use my way, no the dining board might do. '' I suggested.

'' No ! '' Molly protested, `` I can not ! ``

'' impart a paw Pinkerton, before the desire fades ! '' the Earl cried, and before I could react both Algy and Bobby had stepped forward and after a seconds thought so Sam came forward and they gently eased Molly towards the dining tabular array, `` Disrobe her man ! '' the Earl cried.

'' For pities sake ! '' Molly cried as I watched, `` Unhand me ! '' she cried again but to my disgrace I just stood aside and watched as mollie was pulled towards the table and then reversed against it and rolled on her back and it was the piece of work of a import to perpetrate her skirts and underskirts up and so let out her bloated belly and the Mass of fur hiding her slot.

The Earl was now scrabbling at his thrill lacing, his breeches around his ankles and his prong revealed, some four or five inch in length yet improbably fat like his belly.

I looked at his prong and her belly and back again, it would never do, `` On the edge of the table ! '' I ordered, seeing that the Earl 's prong and prorogue stood at the same height or thereabouts and at my bidding so the mating began, a perplex affair, with Algy holding Molly 's shoulder and Sam and Bobby holding her legs asplayed as the Earl approached with his prong rampant and slid it neatly within the furs of her time slot.

'' Oh ! '' Molly gasped as the Earl claimed her.

'' Like it do you wench ? '' The Earl asked.

Poor mollie, she knew not what to reply so she held her clapper while the Earl amused himself for a few minute until his eyes rolled signifying his bit of going and at that very moment Molly 's mother stepped into the room.

'' Molly ! '' the female parent cried.

'' I say ! '' the Earl cried, `` You might knock ! ``

'' Un hand my daughter ! '' she cried.

'' This is not your girl this is the Landlord 's maiden, '' the Earl cried, `` Can you not see she is fat as an ox and ugly as a wild boar ? ``

'' That sir is mollie my sure-enough daughter, '' Lady Garth insisted, `` Now pull your rear of tube up sir lest the goose gibbosity on your backside frightens the horses. ``

'' Are you sure ? '' he asked, `` Your girl you say ? '' he asked.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` And you barbarians holding poor mollie down ! ''

'' My eye she would be a great comfort of a frosty night, '' the Earl confessed, `` Nice and plump and will. ``

'' You said she was ugly as a pig, my lord, '' I reminded him.

'' It matters not when the candela are blown out. '' he agreed, `` Look young Pinkerton, lets forget our duelling, you have the thin out one and I 'll take the plump one, are we agreed. ``

'' Indeed sir a Washington suggestion, '' I agreed.

'' Do I have no say in this ? '' Molly asked.

'' No, not if you are to be a Countess ! '' madam Garth intoned, `` We shall get the name changed on the marriage licence forthwith, is three workweek the adjacent Saturday convenient for the nuptials my master. ``

'' I believe so, '' the Earl agreed, `` Damn it I shall attain it so. ``

'' But what about me ! '' Hannah protested.

'' I shall hook up with you ! '' I reminded her.

'' But you are a sot and a fornicator ! '' Hannah 's mother protested.

'' Agreed, but I do induce my fault, '' I admitted.

'' And when shall you conjoin me ? '' Hannah asked.

'' This very moment if you wish, '' I suggested

'' Before the Creator ! '' she insisted.

'' Ah, '' overlord Garth suddenly announced, `` Have a double solemnization, save me a fortune do n't you know.

'' Yes ! '' noblewoman Garth agreed, wistfully, `` You always were a cheap skate why not tell the man ! ``

'' And where shall we live ? '' Hannah asked.

'' Oh Divine knows, '' I replied, `` London, or Barsetshire or Scotland, follow the season, '' I explained.

'' But we must make up down, buy a theater ! '' Hannah insisted, `` An acres perhaps ! ``

'' Buy another planetary house ! '' I protested, `` Damn it I have four already, Id'rather sell one than buy another ! ``

'' Four houses ? '' she said in amazement.

'' Big ace, C of peasant hovel of row. '' I admitted, `` I leave all that to my man ! ``

'' Yes well, '' Lady Garth interjected, `` We well make out how prone to magnification Maker Pinkerton is. ``

'' Me, exaggerate, '' I protested, `` On the contrary ma'am, I habitually down play my talent so as not to scare the fillies. ``

'' I do n't mean your prong ! '' noblewoman Garth explained, `` I mean your wealth. ``

'' If Hannah loves me then material things will not matter. '' I insisted, `` For where else will she regain such a fulfilling prong ? ``

'' Is that right wing Mother ? '' Hannah queried.

'' How should I recognize ? '' the female parent asked in embarrassment.

'' Why there is hardly a servant that you have not at some time serviced, '' Jehovah Grath reminded her, `` Indeed Hannah has the flavor of Colonel Templeman about her do you not recollect ? ``

'' No ! '' Lady Garth protested, `` She does not ! ``

'' Well she looks very fine in any character, '' I explained, `` So if you will excuse us I shall cue my beloved of the advantages of marrying me ! '' and I snatched her up and whisked her away to my room and pronged her anew, though it must be admitted that when faced with that awkward box bed and cramped way it proved most efficatious when she sat on the very edge of the bed and then as I stood and pronged her so I lifted her clear from the floor forcing my manhood so deep into her that she squealed and wailed in rapture even as she wrapped her legs around me and I walked around the bedroom supporting her solely with my prong and there I found heaven .