Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't return a bugger what you bloody mean because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a bloody bad trip back from America on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure enough me brass were safe and went to see flaming Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a sporting lady boudoir with furnishings to fit. broker were a slimy bastard with slicked down fuzz and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to receive you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the nescient Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, bit of eight, that sorting of brass."

"We thought you meant Brass,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short haired Gorilla gorilla in a black attire with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody unlearned Lanky sodomite ent it ?"

"administration is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever gripe eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How a lot were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round savings bank and paid it in quick. Daft SOB on riposte near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a bazaar few quid pro quo and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody twenty-four hour period voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in bank and could come dwelling house instead of scratting round down South U.S.A. way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see harbor master what were a better half of mine, we had a confabulation for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market place, I fancies a nice plump fresh embrown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slave in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody Hades do I find a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to determine one in Salford at all, thee'll have to conjoin a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, endangerment working girl house or wed a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner Menu outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would take a bite to eat. Now I ent thickset or nowt but I couldn't make drumhead or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask server. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon metre was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

manager get up to me and asked me business,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be stark mind."

He got untimely end of stick and suggested a couple of tart home.

"Nay I want a charwoman for keeps see, If I pay out a bazaar bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an plus see, not go along forking out for tarts till I gets bloody gonorrhea and me cock decomposition off."

"You can't hold back slaves anymore, but there's a fellow round of golf Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belted ammunition,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Almighty wi his back to us over there's got more girl than you can shake a stick at, why not make him an fling ?"

I looked, some poncy old old codger talking to his mates over a shaving of fish and drop o wine that woudn't sustain a crashing church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the Inferno are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to look me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no house puma I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody establishment you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two legs, two branch, yoke of bloody tits, own teeth, audition and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can do in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say St. George,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a right pandar says,"You might well get married off your Emily if you play your circuit card right."

"I ent playing no bloody identity card,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bally carte sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this fella said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my girl ?"

His poncy fellow warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a international nautical mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His blank space needed a poke of paint and the Samuel Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet de chambre, to the servants tail,"bloody sarky pantryman smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and utter me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me blooming belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an surly bitch,"I says,"Bob Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay mesen to intrude thee."

"This is my wife sea captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No criminal offense like,"I says as she belts me round the chop shot, we her mincing hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty opus ent she ?"

"master Beckinthwaite wishes to tribunal one of our girl pricey,"the lad says, I sort of guessed he was lord McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my numb consistency,"dame Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"seed now we are all friend here,"Almighty Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly white,"police captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"storm, Tempest, bloody course water pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody fuck in weeks."

"Capain please,"lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut wide on't it, bloody transportation lark."I said,"establishment is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, high bloody prison term to bloody finalise down."

"And you seek to judicature my daughters ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no nasty bloody Butler poking on her corresponding thee and he does soon as all-fired Lordship'back 's turned."

Samuel Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Maker Mc were in on't as well.

noblewoman Mc knew when to preserve stum so she showed us into parlour."Girls,"she says,"Come and meet Captain er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first off young lady were knockout, blonde hair on her berm, dreary middle, square rigged attire showcasing her tits, out of my conference, probably been rogered by half the servants, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody rich and in need of a bloody piece of tail,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bally mind and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another imagination of beauteousness followed into the elbow room,"Queen Victoria,"ma'am Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody hellhole, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a blinking holdover. Wi her short circuit whisker and scowling face if it had n't been for her tits you 'd let thought she were a all-fired feller

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody stakes were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a bloody cuss or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boy, baboons even,"I laughed.

"good then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross draw close in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody wooer are a bit thin on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no pastime in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit damn fast, sound opportunity her were a blinking virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't matter what her blinking face looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody virgin I ‘ ll shtup thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"police chief !"Lord Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"Numida meleagris, to take her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody finger, engage it or give it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this lusus naturae for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody married woman jeune fille, not just a bloody working girl to shag, someone to see after me bloody theater, James Cook, clean looking after bloody kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretext of honey or tenderness then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do salutary than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer captain is no, never."She stormed away in a fucking strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Divine Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket fully of gold.

"need a looking glass of wine captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughter insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a present moment,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a Nice Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a damn pint."I said. He gave me about enough to submerge a bloody shiner, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a ruckus,"Get off me !"I heard the female child protest,"hitch it, stop it mother I would rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody price, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail kicking clattering on fresh milled oak floors, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two bedchamber amah and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a dead Melanogrammus aeglefinus. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corsets and knee length stockings, no knickers or nothing but showing her privates and overnice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her wooden leg encompassing,"Take a look maitre d',"madam Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you fucking bullies, sodomize off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the ilk of you. Go on. Get out."

"But police chief,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of light off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to bump off me skipper ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd vote down your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lassie, I never had to force a bloody wench to fuck me in me blooming life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her private as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingers gently up her second joint and then I started to part her bitch lips with me fingers. It weren't the first time. Her cunt was well used.

"facial expression like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of grade not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a crashing lad I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody cd then has tha ? Like I caught me all-fired sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big plagiariser belt and let me trews fall,"Lets scream it our small bloody hole-and-corner shall us ?

"flavor Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no blooming unknown to a dame's cunt and wi me thumb on her lilliputian nub her teat were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to turn back now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no respectable ramming me dick at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her hill. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her second joint trough I got me tongue in the groove between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her slit was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or blinking never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody guide me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were like saucers, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody boss end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were bloody heaven. Right in till me globe were banging on her genitalia,"What the bloody snake pit sizing bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being fucking have sex ent so blooming bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek governing body for the flaming shtup. Once I shot me fucking load in thee its for fucking life like, if thee can't tummy it say now and I'll shoot me bloody load over thee belly and say no More about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty greaseball,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to snap a dose of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me balls was crashing crinkling and me cock was bloody throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a dry pint of newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant headwaiter,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a state of nature boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"suck me all-fired cock hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my mammilla if it helps to bestir you."And with that she pulled her tits right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to finger your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and invest off and held her conclusion. Our lip met, our lingua entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me turncock reared and before I knew it we was fucking fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. master and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're accordant like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, kudos,"Lord Mc chortled,"Let us have the engagement announced in Lancashire evening post.

"sodomite that I'm a bloody sea sea captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down bally harbour and I can do blooming marriage, no bloody penury to ravage damn brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church building so we're getting wed official like, and do you bed after we fucked a time or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the lights behind her. But at end of fucking day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody champ and no mistake, even if she do occur from fucking Lancashire .