Back in the eighteenth century a baseborn varlet visits a jeweller's shop.


"So lets get this straight. You say Prince Charming wants a lucky dildo, 10 centimeters in girth and 40 centimetre in distance and encrusted with diamonds ?"

Buttoni, Prince Charming's Page looked at the jewelry maker and nodded,"Indeed,"he agreed.

"Well we're right out of stock at submit gallant,"the jeweller admitted,"We got ivory and glass, tan even, but gold with baseball diamond, well no-count squire, but there's no demand."

"His highness says he will deliver you killed if you will not furnish one,"Buttoni suggested.

"Fair enough, how does Thursday sound ?"

"Why not today ?"Buttoni.

"Got to do a molding squire, can't just pour molten gold down some poor people Slovack ‘ s ass hole anymore, health and safety see ?"the jeweller complained

"Are you sure you are a jeweller and not the settlement idiot ?"Buttoni asked.

"Maker no sir, close twelvemonth I come one-third in the hamlet retard contest, but I'm training hard for next year."

The jeweler knew a meter waster when he saw one and Buttoni was a prime example. Everyone knew he was Prince Charming's bonk bitch.

Prince Boris or ‘ Prince Charming,'as they called him. Pretty as a Inachis io, knack as a corkscrew. Everyone knew. All the ladies loved him but he preferred taking it up the ass.

"When can I expect your lord to add up so I can ready a mould ?"the jeweller asked.

"It's for a woman you dog !"Buttoni sighed.

"I can do you a good glass one for twenty dollar bill five Florins,"the jeweler offered,"The skidder we calls it on account of it being so smooth that it slips in easily."The ice slipper."

"Why so cheap ?"Buttoni asked.

"Second hired man, was the wife's mother, cunt like a bucketful, it just needs a bit of a clean."

"Done !"Buttoni cried not realising he had been done as the glass was actually made as an apprentice piece and twice the size of any other.

================================================

Buttoni rushed back to the palace. He liked his job as page but he was not too keen on people thinking he was Charming's lover. The Prince was not gay, he was just shy with girls with a gift for saying the wrong matter and when the meter came either he couldn't get it up or he got too excited and came in his gasp. He was ok in the whorehause but back in 1750 marrying a whore was generally considered to be a bad move for the Royal Family PR wise.

"Your highness !"he blustered,"I have just had this great idea."

"Not again,"Prince Charming sighed,"What is it this time ? Invade Russia, Dig a burrow, build a glider in the loft, off a dragon ?"

"A ball !"Buttoni cried,"Hold a ball !"

"Baseball, tennis egg ?"Charming asked.

"No a dance, a big dancing, a masked orb, ask in all the eligible wenches,"Buttoni suggested.

"mother tried that,"Charming recollect,"I spent the evening hiding in the loo !"

"But this time we say you met your straight love and she left a love item and you have to find her !"Buttoni enthused.

"And what sort of token ?"Charming asked.

"Her ice dildo !"Buttoni chuckled,"Look !"

Charming looked, he thought it was a large bottleful of schnapps Buttoni was carrying until he saw the shape.

"You have got to be kidding !"he gasped as he saw the monster,"Wow, can you conceive of those spoilt spoil simpering frigid bitches Mother tries to palm me off with with that monster inside them !"

"Exactly !"Buttoni agreed as he surreptitiously tried to set his trouser as his cock swelled at the thought of it."And struggling to get the devil inside their closely pinko hairless puss !"Buttoni suggested.

"And hairy ones Buttoni !"the Prince added.

"Actually it gets even better,"Buttoni chuckled."It's called a"meth slider !"

"Actually,"Charming thought aloud,"With the right PR we can forget about having a ball, we'll say it happened at the lastly masked egg !"

"And you'll marry the girl it fits ?"Buttoni suggested.

"If she's pretty !"Charming laughed,"But seriously.

"So shall we ?"Buttoni asked hopefully

"High five !"Charming agreed.


"We will say I met my true erotic love at the mask ball and she lost her Glass slipper,"Charming explained to his mother and father over breakfast,"And whosoever it fits I shall marry."

"Run the costings past my masses and we'll get back to you,"King Harald suggested.

"It is pocket money father not capital story,"Charming lied.

"chapiter, I mean excellent !"King Harald cried,"I'm sick and tired of people thinking there's something wrong with you."

===================================================

They put a modest ad in the Bayerisch bugleweed the local liberate ads news sheet and opened a small shop on Munchen street with a waiting area and a cubicle with a bed. Buttoni and Charming waited. Charming had disguised himself by wearing a peasant's gaberdine, though the thigh distance black leather flush with gold buckles sort of gave the biz away.

"howdy, I think I might be the girl he's looking for ?"Helga one of the cocotte from Madame L'Oiseaux's organization stated boldly.

"Indeed, come through. I am Buttoni valet de chambre to Prince Charming and this is my supporter Dumbkoph,"Buttoni explained as he indicated Prince Charming sitting there in disguise.

"Is this yours my dear ? '' Buttoni asked as he brandished the 4 dm long dildo menacingly.

"You bloody degenerate !"Helga cried,"I thought you mean a shoe !"and she slapped him round the face and stormed out.

"Feisty,"Buttoni observed ruefully.

"Wonderful,"Charming sighed,"Maybe we should experience slayed a dragon."

"Yes,"Buttoni agreed,"Or maybe we are on the incorrectly tack ?"

Just then a beautiful young miss stepped into the shop class,"Is this where we try the slider on ? '' she asked,"Only Mummy sent me."

"Actually it's a dildo,"Buttoni explained somewhat bluntly.

"Really ?"she gasped,"I did wonder where I lost mine."

"What ?"Charming asked.

"Oh yes my good friend Charlotte and I exchanged Dildoes end winter at the Winterfest, and I lost mine."the daughter admitted.

"Your good friend ?"Buttoni asked.

"Oh yes we shared a room at school, and a bed on cold nights."the miss explained,"But since I lost my dildo I have to get my maid Hetta to fist me when I get PMT."

Charming looked unsteady on his metrical foot, a blood vessel in his forehead pulsed wildly,"Your Highness, are you all right ?"the girl asked.

"He has just cum in his pants,"Buttoni explained,"He has this problem."

"It really doesn't subject I'm gay too !"the girl admitted,"Can I try it ?"

"Yes why not."Charming agreed.

"You're Prince Charming aren't you ?"the girl declared."Why are you wearing such a dolt disguise ?"

"He is shy,"Buttoni explained,"But really why would you need to try a dildo when you're gay ?"

"Why not, I don't image men, he doesn't image adult female, sounds perfect !"the daughter explained,"And with a overnice big dildo to act with even better."

"Well then,"Butoni produced the glass dildo from a dismissal and suggested,"What do you intend of that ?"

"My god !"the young lady agreed,"It's huge !"

Her optic were astray with greed as Buttoni handed it to her,"It's sooo much nicer than mine !"she said."So lovely and still !"

She looked round,"You don't expect ; You're not going to keep an eye on are you ? You filthy swine ! Well at to the lowest degree lock the door first."

And with that she sat down on the floor, pulled up her winding dame and underskirt and began to gently rub her clit.

"Do you have to view ?"she asked.

"Absolutely,"Buttoni insisted as the girl tried to get a finger's breadth up inside herself.

"Oh well do something useful then, can you give suck my breast ?"she asked as she undid the lacing on her bodice to divulge her impressive boobies.

Buttoni bent to the task,"And you, I do cause two of them."she reminded them."One each."

The Prince too leaned over the girl and began to absorb her nipple.

"Ohhh that's sooo good !"she cooed as first one then two fingers slipped inside her moistening cunt.

"That's three fingers,"she said,"donjon on."

She was frigging herself urgently now, four digit slipped inside her, then the whole of her tiny hand as she fisted herself.

The female child gasped."Hetta usually takes over now, she has a bigger deal than me, but can we try it ?"

Buttoni reached for the dildo and handed it to the girl.

She pressed it against her cunt but it barely penetrated at all. Even though her pussy was dilated enough to take her fist the dildo was much too wide to go more than 3 centimeter inside her.

"I need some lube."she said."Do you own any ?"

"Princy boy has probably cum in his pants by now if cum would avail ?"Buttoni suggested between sucks.

"Er yes."Prince Charming agreed as he dropped his knickers."Help yourself."

The miss looked at Charming's long knock terminal. A minuscule cliff of pre cum glistened on his cock end,"Er sorry,"Charming apologised."False alarm."

The girl smeared pre cum over the dildo."Why don't you shoot your loading over the dildo to really lubricate it ?"she suggested.

"Why doesn't he stick it in you and really lubricate you, dilute your cunt and all that ?"Buttoni suggested.

"Because he's gay darling, everyone knows that !"the girl explained.

"Damn you !"Prince Charming exclaimed."I am not gay, look I'll show you."

He lunged forward, tripped over his breeches and fell over the lady friend forcing her backwards and almost bashing her top dog on the floor.

"Ummm, you smell like a girl,"she whispered as he fumbled around repeatedly poking her with his cock until he finally found her cunt.

His cock slipped easily into her velvety snatch. He luxuriated in her heat. It was like fucking a whore without having to watch the clock or pay for it.

"Oi get on with it !"the lady friend complained,"Shoot your burden and let your Thomas Nelson Page have a go !"

"Be quiesce I was enjoying that !"Charming exclaimed.

"You're not supposed to enjoy it,"the daughter complained,"Another ten transactions then all right ?"

Charming was not too certain he could control on for ten second. The spate of Bavaria swept through his mind. He was an Eagle soaring above the ceiling tops. He was in heaven with the Angel. He was swimming in the Rhine. He was cumming. A splendid torrent of cum burst from his rooster and saturated her parts.

"Ohhhhh."he gasped.

"Oooooohhhh,"she responded.

"Will it fit ?"Buttoni asked,"Or shall I have a go ?"

"Of trend it wont fit you moron,"the young woman explained,"Look I'm gay. I lost my sexual morality to a girl. Now that I've been fucked by the Prince in strawman of witnesses, I'm home free."

"What ? you wanted me to roll in the hay you ?"Prince Charming demanded.

"Give the boy an apple, got it in one.,"the lady friend replied.

"Do you have no regard for me at all ?"Charming enquired.

"No. None."she replied.

"Buttoni, your knife please,"Charming asked.

"What do you require that for ?"the girl asked.

"Why to enlarge your cunt if you can't subscribe the dildo."he replied.

"All right, I'll try again."she agreed but no matter what spot she tried it in she could not force it more than 5 cm inside her.

It was no commodity. It was far too large.

"You have twenty four hours."Charming insisted.

"But how ?"she pleaded.

"Its up to you."Charming insisted,"Send the others away. You fetch your overnight bag. Buttoni you mind the shop."

The girl quickly rearranged her clothing and went to the room access.

"Where does that jeweller work ?"Prince Charming asked.

"Why in Wisebaden Strasse,"Buttoni replied,"But why ?"

"One glass dildo, a lot thinner, get the idea ?"the Prince suggested.

"But why, there are still lots of cunts to stretch ?"Buttoni asked in horror.

"I like that one,"Prince Charming declared,"Anyway, let's see if she is pillock enough to come back.

"Errr,"the fille said,"There's quite a queue."

Buttoni went to the room access, he let the young woman out and slammed the door quickly."Mine gott, they stretch to the town square."

"right field,"Prince Charming agreed,"We need a franchise."

"What ?"Buttoni asked.

"Lookalikes who look like me could engage turns to postulate my post !"Prince Charming suggested excitedly.

"And where do you find oneself these the great unwashed ?"Buttoni asked.

"I don't. You do,"Prince Charming laughed."You have an hour, put the closed for luncheon sign up."

Buttoni sneaked out the endorse room access and headed for the Bier-Hause. He had a few pints of schnapps for Prussian Courage and headed for the Guards Barracks. He went to the mess and quickly recruited not only four point of view ins for the prince but a everlasting royal eubstance guard for only a months pay from each.

Meanwhile Prince Charming introduced a nominal presidency fee for every girl who tried the dildo and set up a cashbox on the shop counter and a list of the scale of electric charge, including try twice get a third try free !

Within the hour Buttoni sneaked back in the back way and Prince Charming sneaked out and left them to it.

Even the excitement of watching young ladies trying to stuff a 400 millimeter dildo up their puss pale after a patch and within the month most of the guardsmen had gone back to the barracks as girl after young lady ruined their chastity trying to fuck a lummox of glass.

dessert hairless pinko pussy, big hairy bitch, neatly trimmed pubes, untidy overgrown President George W. Bush, some with nick from shaving. Shy young fille, raddled old hags, the eager, the shy, those coerced, not one could get the colossus even half way up.

Finally the queue dwindled and Buttoni shut up workshop and returned to the palace to count the money.

The tycoon was delighted, the queen exasperated and so life history returned to formula with Prince Charming sneaking down the bagnio every Tuesday Thursday and Saturday and poking the Cook most mornings.

The queen despaired of marrying Prince Charming off but one Sunday there was a commotion at the palace gate. The pikesmen on guard duty were barring entryway to an irate young adult female."Let me in !"a daughter screamed."That Prince Charming bastard got me fraught !"

Prince Charming wandered down to the logic gate."That's him !"the miss howled.

"You're the girl from the workshop !"he exclaimed.

"Six damned times I paid to try that damned dildo and you were not there once !"she snarled.

"Did it fit ?"he asked.

"No !"she snapped,"Of coures it didn't and I got pregnant !"

"Is it mine ?"he asked.

"Either that or it's spic-and-span conception, of course of action it is !"she snapped.

"Fair enough,"Prince Charming agreed,"Let her in, you had skilful meet mother."

"What just like that ?"she exclaimed.

"You haven't met mother,"he explained

He took the girl to his female parent's sitting room,"Ah mother I am afraid I have made this little girl pregnant,"he announced.

"Really, and what is her name ?"the faggot asked.

"No idea,"Prince Charming admitted.

"Typical,"the female child sighed,"It's Ella, my friends call me Cinders because I'm red hot !"

"Oh god you're a lesbian !"the queen gasped.

"I was,"she admitted,"It's hard to be hot when you're throwing up every morning."

"And this is your intended ?"the female monarch asked.

"well lets face it,"Prince Charming declared,"When the child comes out there is small uncertainty the dildo will go back in."

"Dildo, what dildo ?"the pouf asked.

"Its this big round,"the girlfriend said as she described the size with her manus,"And this long."

"And what pray do you see in this, this slut !"the queen asked.

"She is disrespectful, froward, likes women so she's unlikely to get off with a footman, she's ideal poof textile,"he declared.

"So you think I'm headstrong, disrespectful and unconvincing to tag footmen do you ?"the queen enquired.

"Well two out of three isn't bad,"he laughed rather inappropriately.

"Oh well, if you must !"the poof admitted,"So, ah cinder, what do you like about my son ?"

"He's loaded,"she admitted."Mummy said I should give it a go. Actually he smells like a missy and I really liked it when he fucked me."

"Oh, that's good."Prince Charming agreed.

"We don't say ‘ Fuck'in the palace dear,"the queen explained,"We say ‘ shuffle making love'much LE messy don't you think ? So, cinder, when did you think of getting married ?"

"Married ? no way !"the girl insisted,"I just want child support."

"fountainhead I'm sorry but we don't do that,"the queer insisted,"We are rather old fashioned so either you marry Charming or we lock you in the dungeon and measure you and starve you until you're not pregnant any Sir Thomas More. ``

"Oh well in that eccentric,"she said resignedly,"I suppose I will have to give it some grievous thought."

"Actually it's my night for the brothel, how about we get a take away Knackwurst and stay in and watch the servants fornicating instead."Prince Charming suggested.

"Yes dear excellent mind !"the pansy agreed.

"Not you mother, Cinders !"Prince Charming suggested.

"And if I don't ?"clinker asked.

The fagot looked askance at the young woman,"We will get the take away and take in the servants fornicating you, two, maybe three at a time ?"

"Men or girls ?"she asked.

"Men, miss, horses, dogs, the penguin from the zoo,"the fairy explained,"Good god girl half the girl in the kingdom want to bed my Charming."

"All right, but no odd concern,"the girl agreed.

"Absolutely,"Prince Charming confirmed,"Just straight missionary would be good."

"You are not fucking me again !"the lady friend insisted.

"Not fucking dear, making beloved, it sounds so much nicer,"the queen insisted.

"You liked it last sentence,"Prince Charming reminded her.

"Only because you smell like a girl,"she explained.

"Very fastidious my Charming, a bath every Fri and clean underpants every week,"the queen confirmed,"Anyway where is this famous dildo, it does sound rather fun ?"

Prince Charming and the girl looked at each other and burst out laughing.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well the missy wasn't pregnant after all, something Charming rapidly put right, Buttoni got some backers to put up 1000 guilders for the get-go single girl to get the dildo up and he made quite a decent business out of it, girls paying to try it, men paying to find out. The jeweller never did get paid and the pocket-size dildo he made is probably still in blood. Buttoni married clinker's champion Charlotte after he had a bathing tub, doused himself in Eau de Cologne and basically jumped her one dark. The tabby had a reproduction glassful dildo made in bonze which she greatly enjoys and the Martin Luther King Jr. spends his time talking to his plants in the garden and meddling in politics like kings do.

And therein lies the moral of this tale, if you want to pull, give birth a bathroom and tire out strip underpants