headwaiter Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm captain Lowell Jackson Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from blinking Yorkshire and I do n't cave in a sod what you bloody intend because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a blinking bad trip back from America on steamer and when we got back to Liverpool I made surely me face were safe and went to see all-fired Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a lady of pleasure boudoir with furnishing to check. broker were a Slimy bastard with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a damn cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to encounter you at last-place,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me cheek,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me blinking mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you think of nerve,"his helper chipped in. She was like a short haired gorilla in a sinister apparel with a gob like a English bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody round-eyed enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky sodomist ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of atomic number 29 and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever kick eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a blinking fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the request damage,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round money box and paid it in immediate. Daft mother fucker on counter near fainted at size of check but I drew out a evenhandedly few cud and went about me business.

XV bloody 24-hour interval voyage took, blinking steamship broke down on the way but at final stage I had some boldness in camber and could come house instead of scratting round down S America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see harbour lord what were a mate of mine, we had a chat for a few instant then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a nice plump fresh brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in 30 three and anyroad nob got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody nether region do I find a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to discover one in Salford at all, thee'll have to wed a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk prostitute mansion or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner Menu outside. and it were just after noonday so I thought I would give birth a bite to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make head or bottom o menu so I thought I woud ask server. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and high noon time was tiffin. Anyroad I had a feed.

managing director get along up to me and asked me byplay,"looking for for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be complete mind."

He got awry end of stick and suggested a duo of fancy woman houses.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not keep forking out for harlot till I gets flaming clap and me cock bunkum off."

"You can't save slave anymore, but there's a fella round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belt,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his back to us over there's got more daughters than you can shake up a peg at, why not pretend him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old old codger talking to his checkmate over a shaving of Pisces the Fishes and fall o wine-coloured that woudn't sustain a bloody church building mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a yoke of daughter to offload like ?"I says heterosexual person out.

"And who the perdition are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no sign painter I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob fellow was pissing they selves laughing at me,"feel if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar mark, long as she's virgin, two ramification, two arms, couple of bloody tits, her own teeth, earshot and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can execute in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George VI,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a good ponce says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your scorecard right."

"I ent playing no bloody lineup,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody batting order sharps."

"I have never been so diss sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my mansion directly and meet my daughters ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The fella lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lick of blusher and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servants quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"police captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody psyche. Know thee's bloody berth or thee'll feel me bloody belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your free pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody cleaning woman turns up,"By heck you're an surly cunt,"I says,"promise you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay me to pound thee."

"This is my wife captain,"bloke says,"peeress McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chops, we her dainty hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty firearm ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite compliments to Court one of our daughters devout,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Creator McGonnegal, lord Mc for short.

"Over my dead organic structure,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"cum now we are all supporter here,"lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly white,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"Storms, Tempest, bloody feed water supply pump bloody spindle bloody secretory organ bloody blew and I haven't had a all-fired nooky in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full-of-the-moon on't it, fucking shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, high bloody time to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to court my daughters ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more blinking like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody Lordship'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Maker Mc were in on't as well.

lady Mc knew when to stay fresh stum so she showed us into parlour."lady friend,"she says,"Come and meet skipper er, what is your gens ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The outset little girl were knockout, blonde hair on her articulatio humeri, blue eyes, square toes rigged apparel showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servants, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my s firstborn,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the lady friend asked.

"Bloody rich and in need of a bloody shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me bloody judgment and you're a sweetheart and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of lovliness followed into the room,"Victoria,"Lady Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil picture, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a bloody hangover. Wi her brusk tomentum and scowling font if it had n't been for her tits you 'd have thought she were a crashing bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody wager were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a bloody feller or a bloody miss eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin son, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in agreement Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an millstone nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit thin on bloody solid ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no pursuit in such affair,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, honorable probability her were a bloody virgin, if I blew fucking candle out it wouldn't matter what her flaming cheek looked like.

"wellspring I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a all-fired Virgo I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"Captain !"Jehovah Mc protested.

"five hundred,"I offered,"Guinea, to adopt her off thi bloody hands and put a annulus on her bloody digit, guide it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a fucking wife lass, not just a fucking tart to shag, someone to front after me bloody sign of the zodiac, cook, clean look after bloody Kid, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No guise of beloved or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do better than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the reply captain is no, never."She stormed away in a fucking strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were fucking messing."

Lord Mc's eye bulged as I showed a scoop full of gold.

"adopt a field glass of wine headwaiter,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the early daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her still down a moment,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a decent Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody computer mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"Stop it, discontinue it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awesome man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a reasonable flaming Price, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail boots clattering on new polished oak trading floor, boulder clay I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two sleeping room amah and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a abruptly Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her girdle and knee duration stockings, no breeches or nothing but showing her privates and nice creamy second joint.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her wooden leg wide,"Take a flavor sea captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you crashing roughneck, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"ma'am Mc replied but the glint of lightness off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to remove me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret young girl, I never had to force a blinking wench to fuck me in me flaming life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her common soldier as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her script away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't stew, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingers gently up her thighs and then I started to part her puss lips with me fingers. It weren't the first time. Her twat was well used.

"Looks like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of grade not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a matter ?"

"wellspring your bloody virginal membrane ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you fuck ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big buccaneer belt and let me trews dip,"Lashkar-e-Toiba call it our minuscule bloody orphic shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no flaming strangers to a wench's cunt and wi me finger on her little nub her mammilla were getting dainty and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me hammer at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tit and on down to her mound. She form of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh till I got me lingua in the groove between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bally never and I stood up before aiming me ego at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee fucking take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bally Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were like saucers, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawsehole pipe.It were blinking heaven. Right in till me chunk were banging on her genital organ,"What the bloody hell size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh maitre d',"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being crashing lie with ent so all-fired bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek cheek for the bloody fuck. Once I shot me bally encumbrance in thee its for bloody liveliness like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me blooming load over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me blinking load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not encumber yourself and I believe you have a variety bosom under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to spud a dosage of hot kindling up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me glob was blooming crinkling and me peter was damn throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me succus pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me bloody cock unvoiced I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my tit if it help rouse youl."And with that she pylled her tits right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody face-to-face,"and I pulled my shirt and invest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our lingua entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me peter reared and before I knew it we was fucking fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an minute or so before we went back downstairs. overlord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old fissure, extolment,"Lord Mc chorted,"Let us suffer the betrothal announced in Lancashire even post.

"sodomist that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down bloody harbour and I can do bloody spousal relationship, no fucking need to waste bally governing body on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in Christian church so we're getting wed functionary like, and do you have sex after we fucked a metre or two her started bloody smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the igniter behind her. But at end of flaming day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody wiz and no blinking misidentify even if she is from bloody Lancashire .